The Proposal

“Starsk, I think we should get married.”

“Wha?!”

“Us. Married.”

“Why?”

“Because it is now possible. It is a civil – no – a human right. The supreme court has finally ruled, that it is unconstitutional to forbid people getting married based on their sexual orientation.”

“But we’re not gay!”

“No, but we are in a homosexual relationship. I think it’s the same thing as far as the law is concerned.”

“That’s bullshit! Why the hell law considers me gay if I’m not?!”

“The point – my point – is, that now same-sex couples – like us – can finally get married! And what do you have against gay people?”

“Nothing! I’m just not gay! I-DON’T-LUST-AFTER-OTHER-MEN!“

“And other women?”

“No!”

“So you’re not straight either.”

“What?! See, now you got me to lose my appetite!”

“Good! That amount of sugar kills you anyway.”

“Well, at least then I go before you.”

“Oh, is that your plan? You can forget it, pal! I’ve already seen you die once and I’m not intending to see that again! And if you don’t start to eat healthier, so help me god…”

“You what? ”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“You know.”

“You wouldn’t…”

“Try me.”

“Fine! But you do know that food is surrogate for sex. By denying me my basic need you force me to binge!”

“Your choice, Starsk. So, what do you say?”

“Do I have to change my name?”

“I don’t think that’s even an option.”

“Well, in that case, why not?”

“So it’s settled then?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Will you give me those sports pages….”