Desk Duty

Just a little fun in the squad room.

The squad room was stuffy and he was really restless. Starsky sat across from Hutch, watching his partner concentrate on the file in front of him. They had both decided that today was THE DAY. It was the day they would condense the muddle of back logged reports that were scattered over their desks. Actually, it was after Dobey’s threatening bellow while making his daily walk-through of the squad room that the partners had decided to make the mess on their desks disappear, especially after their captain had made a point of stopping in front of their desks, glaring at the scattered folders. Then he proceeded to the schedule on the wall and crossed Starsky and Hutch’s names off the street duty roster and wrote their names on the desk duty roster. With one last menacing glance in their direction, he walked back into his office and slammed the door, making everything on the nearest wall rattle and shake. Well, ok, they’d been convinced that finishing reports would be in their best interest.

“Hutch, was it Willow or Brandy that had red spikey hair, or was it orange?” Starsky asked, his hand scratching his head as if that would help his memory.

“Hutch? Hey, you in there?” Again Starsky questioned his blond partner, waving his hand in front of the silent man’s face.

“Huh?–Brandy– Starsky, who’s Willow? What report are you talking about?” Hutch blinked at the hand in front of his face.

“You know, Brandy– the hooker who witnessed the Plinko murder. Don’t ya remember, she had this stretchy leopard top thing on and black leg thingies and she talked like she was chewing rocks?” Starsky patiently reminded his distracted partner.

Hutch closed his eyes and rubbed his jaw before he answered his desk mate.

“Pal, she did not have orange or red hair. It was long and black with yellow streaks. Willow was the one with the see through–“,

Starsky snapped his fingers as the sight popped into his head.– “The see through tube thing! Willow had that great tattoo of a dragon on her,uhh umm, chest and you could see her nip–“,

“Starsky, you are really trashy!” Hutch was exasperated now at his partner’s train of thought. ” Just finish the damn report and keep the details focused on the case!”

“OK, you’re right. Willow had the orange hair. She didn’t witness the murder but she knew Melvin Plinko’s partner who turned out to be the one who killed Melvin for the $40,000 that was stolen,– But didn’t you just love how the tail on that dragon wound around”–

Starsky stopped when he heard his partner’s heavy sigh and looked up to see that accusing finger in his face.

“Right, OK back to the grind–now I can finish this report and then we only have–, well one will be done anyway.” Starsky gleefully chattered on while Hutch went back to the report he had been working on.

Two hours later found the ‘done’ bin on their desks filled with 7 completed reports. For the past few minutes, Starsky had been sitting on the back of his chair, thinking about a candy bar. He moved his butt to sit on the chair, then stood up, grimaced and headed out into the hall.

After a stop in the ‘John’, he went in search of the perfect snack. He bounded back to his desk with a candy bar in one hand and a bag of nuts in the other. He stood behind his chair and threw the bag of nuts in Hutch’s space and chuckled when the nuts landed in the middle of the file Hutch was reading. When the object plunked down in his line of vision, Hutch flinched, looked at the nuts and then glared in the direction they had come from, spying a smug, childish grin on his partner’s face.

“Hutch, you’ve been ignoring me all morning. You’ll go blind if you don’t take a break from reading these things.”

Starsky said, waving a file in the air and chewing on his candy bar.

“First of all, partner, I will not go blind from reading. Second how is it possible to ignore you when you constantly find new ways of annoying me?”, Hutch good naturedly hassled his partner.

He really did need a break but just wanted to get this mess cleared up so they could once again be out on the street doing what they did best. Besides, neither man liked being on the wrong side of their captain’s temper.

Hutch unfolded himself from his chair, stretched his long arms over his head and wiggled side to side, trying to work the kinks out of his back. They had been working steadily, even his antsy friend had been productive. They found that some reports were complete, just needed their signatures and those were quickly added to the ones in the finished bin.

“Come on Gordo, lets work a little longer then we’ll take a break and go to Huggy’s, my treat!”, Hutch suggested, knowing that would get Starsky working again.

“Right on parnter. No butterfly bones or health crap and you’re buying? Wow, shut up and let me finish!”, Starsky countered and surveyed the remaining reports.

Hutch shook his head, laughed silently and went back to his own task.

——–

A little while later, Hutch felt two sapphire eyes boring a hole into his forehead. With a tired sigh, he looked up to see Starsky, with his right hand supporting his head, focusing at a point above Hutch’s eyes. With a raised eyebrow, he silenty wondered what the curly headed man-child was thinking of now?

“Hutch, did ya ever wonder? Did ya ever wonder if it would work?” So asked Starsky, in answer to Hutch’s irritated manner.

“Starsky, I know I’m gonna regret my next question and so help me, if we don’t get these last few reports done, I’m definately going to strangle you. Maybe then I’ll get all this done and Dobey will be satisfied. So, at the risk of my sanity, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Did you ever wonder if maybe Merle could fix that dent? I’ll bet he could pull that dent out and it would be as smooth as a baby’s behind”

Starsky continued as if Hutch had not said anything.

“WHAT DENT, WHICH DENT? Why are you thinking about my car? And since when did you even care about fixing my car?” Hutch was really frustrated now and really agitated.

“Not your car dummy. I don’t think fixing those dents and other offending problems would help. No, I mean that ‘dent’ in your head, the one between your eyes. Maybe Merle could smooth the ‘dent’ out of your head and just think how different you’d look! You wouldn’t be so serious looking. People’d think you were nice, not grumpy.”

Starsky was excited at the prospect of ‘fixing’ his partner and after this bit of wisdom, waited for the blond’s greatful response.

“Starsky, that has to be the dumbest thing you have ever come up with”, Hutch continued, trying to follow this latest insane line of thinking.

“First of all I don’t trust Merle with my car, so why would I trust him with something– Oh for heaven’s sake, why am I even–?”

Hutch rubbed his eyes then ran his hand through his hair and decided on another tactic.

“Starsky, you don’t understand. For your information, women like my lines of character. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that my brow is very sexy with that ‘dimple’ there. Other people have commented that I look very intelligent and thoughtful. So the hell with you and Merle fixing my ‘dent’, as you call it! I happen to like it!”

Starsky had been listening to his friend’s rationalizing and just rolled his eyes. He reached over to the piggy bank on their desk and shook out some coins until he found a penny. He slowly dropped the other coins back into the bank and again addressed Hutch.

“But ya see Hutch, there is one more thing that I’ve always wondered about”.

With that said, Starsky picked up the coin and stared at Hutch. The blond was squinting, concentrating on what his loopy friend was saying. He had his face scrunched in such a way that the ‘dent’ was very evident and very deep.

With the penny in two fingers, Starsky reached over to Hutch’s ‘dent’, fitted the penny in between the lines, sat back and asked, “Penny for your thoughts?”

The puckered flesh had molded to the object, holding it firmly in place.

Starsky laughed so hard, he fell off his chair, writhing on the floor in merriment.

Everyone in the squad room was trying to see what was going on. Not everyone had witnessed the penny thing, but anytime Starsky and Hutch were loose, the officers were sure to be treated to some sort of wild display. So they were just waiting to see what would happen next.

Hutch broke out in a very deep red blush that spread from his hairline, down his chest and probably went all the way to his toes. The blush, a look of disbelief and a loud snort escaped while at the same time, Hutch lunged at his helplessly laughing partner, who was still rolling on the floor.

The squad room erupted in cat calls and hoots, so no one had seen or heard Captain Dobey’s door swing open. The big man determindly walked toward his two “best” detectives and stood over them, arms across his chest. The room suddenly got very quiet. Hutch checked the playful punch he was about to bestow on his still cackling partner and stood up with an innocent look on his face.

“STARSKY! HUCHINSON! IN MY OFFICE–NOW!!!” Dobey bellowed.

He turned and walked back into his office, fully expecting his demand to be carried out in short order.

Hutch reached down to the outstretched arm of his cohort and helped him to a standing position.

“Well, at least we got our reports done.” Starsky said sheepishly.

“Another fine mess YOU got us into!” Hutch spat out and shot a killer look at Starsky as he grabbed him by the arm and pushed Starsky into their Captain’s office ahead of him.