Craving

 

Duluth challenged me to write about Hutch hooked on sweets.

This story is for her.

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Hutch returned to his desk and received exactly the the look he’d expected Starsky to give him.  It was becoming harder and harder to find excuses to get away and Starsky was becoming more and more suspicious.  No, that wasn’t the word, because Starsky trusted him.  More like worried.  Starsky deserved an explanation, but Hutch still couldn’t explain this.

When Hutch ignored his quizzical look, Starsky looked back down at the file spread open on his desk.  Hutch thought he was safe for now.

“You okay, Hutch?” Starsky said into the file.

Maybe not so safe this time.  “Yeah, Starsk.  Why?”  Hutch tried to muster up as innocent a “why” as possible.

“Third time in a coupla hours, Hutch, you pregnant or somethin’?”

Hutch ignored the remark. Thankfully, Starsky let him.

I dreamed Starsky’s death. And he’s already dying.

I dream my dreams awake.  So they always come true. 

Dammit, he wanted another one.  No logical excuse he could leave again.  It had been like this for days. It was getting ridiculous.

 

–3 days earlier-

Hutch stole a look at Starsky’s wrists on the steering wheel as he drove.  The red marks from the ropes were fading, but it sickened Hutch to see them at all.  He raised his glance to Starsky’s face.  Even under sunglasses the burn on his eye was visible.  All he could think about was how a fraction of an inch to the left and he’d have lost the eye entirely.

Starsky lives until I’m sentenced.  But you better hurry.  Start where it stopped.

Hutch wondered if he’d ever be able to get Marcus’ voice out of his head, if he’d ever be able to not see the marks from the burn and the ropes, even when they were completely healed.

“Quit it, Hutch, I’m fine.” Starsky interrupted his thoughts, clearly tired of being stared at.

Before Hutch had a chance to apologize, he noticed a little grocery store up ahead.  “Starsk, stop up there.  I gotta get something to eat.”

When Starsky pulled the car over, Hutch opened his door.  He was ready to climb out when Starsky stopped him.

“Wait, I’ll come with you.”

“No, stay here, Starsk.  I’ll be right out.  I’ll get you something.” Hutch bolted from the car before Starsky had a chance to follow.

Inside the small grocery store Hutch bought four candy bars.  He pocketed two and shoveled the other two into his mouth while quickly ordering a couple of sandwiches from the deli. He paid for those along with some bananas and a bottle of lemonade.  As he exited the store he dragged his sleeve over his mouth to eliminate any traces of chocolate that might have given away his true purpose for the sudden stop.

When he got back to the car, Hutch put the entire bag of food on the back seat.

Starsky removed his sunglasses, his eyebrows rose in question. “Thought you were hungry, Hutch,” he said. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Nah, changed my mind.” Hutch answered.

“What happened in there, huh?  Five minutes ago you were so starving I had to pull over at the first store you saw.  You flew out of the car in such a rush you couldn’t wait for me.  Now all of a sudden you’re not hungry?”

Hutch noticed the look in Starsky’s eyes was not annoyance, but concern.  Hutch had pulled a similar stunt the day before.

Starsky gave an exasperated sigh and started the car.  Hutch didn’t know how to explain this.

 

–2 days earlier-

The hospital room was quiet.  Starsky was finally sleeping.  He wanted to go home, but the doctors insisted he stay overnight, just to be sure.  Hutch couldn’t imagine the torture Starsky had suffered.  Knocked out, tied up, beaten, starved, poisoned, burned, constantly threatened.  But he was alive.  He was okay.  Thank God he was okay.

Si-mone.  Si-mone.  Si-mone. 

Hutch could still hear the chanting.  He’d gotten there just in time.  Even a few moments later and those hooded bastards would have killed Starsky in the most gruesome way.  If Huggy hadn’t come up with the connection…. Hutch got a cold feeling in his chest just thinking of it.

The fear and desperation that had kept Hutch going until he found Starsky was dissipating now and the reality of how close a call it was left him drained and weak.

He was afraid to leave Starsky, didn’t want him out of his sight even for a second.  But he’d been awake now a day and a half straight and figured he’d better sleep so he could get Starsky home and cared for in the morning.  He gave Starsky’s hand a gentle squeeze and walked softly out.

You’ve been playing with us, Marcus.  I’m a little tired of being jerked around.

So… My partner Starsky’s a dead man no matter what, right?

Ain’t that too much? 

At a sudden urge, Hutch felt in his pocket for Starsky’s candy bar.  He unwrapped it and ate it, thinking how it had actually cleared his head.  He felt a little better.

“I got Starsky back.”  Hutch said it emphatically and aloud just to savor the words and the relief they brought.  He decided not to leave the hospital after all.  He walked back into Starsky’s room and fell asleep in the chair next to him.

 

–1 day earlier-

“Thanks, Hug.  See you in while.”  Hutch hung up the phone just as Dobey hurried into the squad room.

“Hutch, I got ‘em, we’re ready,” he said, as he headed to his office with a tape player and a reel.

Hutch got up and rounded the desk to Starsky’s side to reach for a clipboard.  As he did he noticed something.  It was only a candy bar, but somehow the sight of Starsky’s stupid hunk of chocolate stopped him cold.  He remembered their conversation the night before.

Then this morning happened.

Where is Starsky?

A wave of nausea overcame him and he’d apparently stood there in a daze for some time because suddenly Dobey was standing right next to him asking him if he was okay and he hadn’t even seen Dobey come back out of the office.

“Huh? Yeah…fine. Let’s go.” Hutch managed to speak barely above a whisper.  He slipped the candy bar into his pocket before following Dobey into his office.

 

–1 day earlier-

“Let’s hurry up and get this paperwork done.  We got court in the morning, I gotta bring my car in…..”

Hutch stopped talking mid-sentence when he realized Starsky was no longer walking with him.  A quick look over his shoulder told him what he already knew.  Starsky had stopped short in front of the candy machine and was digging in his pockets for change.

“Hey, you got a dime, Hutch?”

Reluctantly, Hutch backtracked to Starsky and while handing over the dime, proceeded to lecture.

“Ya know, Starsk, you can’t live on this junk.  Sugar’s no good for you.  I’ve been telling you for years.  You need to eat healthier.”

As usual Starsky ignored him and fed the machine.

“I need candy to think, Hutch.  Sugar’s good for the brain.”  Starsky emphasized his point by poking his partner in the forehead as he walked on passed him, candy bar in hand.

When they reached their desks, Hutch pulled an apple out of his drawer.  “Here Starsk.  Eat this instead.  I promise you’ll feel better.”

“I don’t need to feel better.  I need to think.  Candy helps me think.”

“That diet of yours is gonna kill ya, Starsk.  Eat healthy like me, you’ll live longer.”

Starsky threw down the candy bar.  “Fine,” he said, grabbing the apple out of Hutch’s hand.  “But the only reason to live longer is to drive you crazy longer.”

“Well, then on second thought, eat the candy,” Hutch joked as he loaded a typewriter with paper and began working.

 

———————————

“Third time in a coupla hours, Hutch, you pregnant or somethin’?”

Hutch ignored the remark. Thankfully, Starsky let him.

I dreamed Starsky’s death. And he’s already dying.

I dream my dreams awake.  So they always come true. 

Dammit, he wanted another one.  No logical excuse he could leave again.  It had been like this for days.  It was getting ridiculous.

The sentencing bit is a smoke screen.  Whether Marcus is sentenced or not doesn’t really matter, does it?

They’re gonna kill Starsky anyway. 

That’s always been the bottom line. 

Hutch was beginning to shake.  Attempting to mask it by tapping his fingers on the desk only succeeded in rousing Starsky’s suspicion further.

“Alright, Hutch. Spill it!”

“What do you mean, Starsk?”

“Don’t ‘What do you mean, Starsk?’ me!  I know you Ken Hutchinson.  I know you’re hiding something.  You’re acting like a junkie needing a fix more and more every day and I know that ain’t it, so I wanna know what’s going on!”

Hutch dropped his chin to his chest and took a deep breath.  Definitely not safe this time. When he raised his head Starsky was waiting expectantly. Hutch saw the concern and the love on his best friend’s face.  It really wasn’t fair not to talk to him. It was time to confess.

“I need a candy bar, Starsk.”

“A candy bar?  This is about candy?  You don’t even eat candy!”

Hutch figured he best start at the beginning.  “A week ago, I gave you a really hard time about eating a candy bar, remember?”

“Yeah, Hutch, I remember.  And I remember telling you I needed it to think.”

Hutch finally figured out how to explain it.

“For me, it is reversed, Starsk.  I’m not sure why, but a candy bar is the only thing that stops me from thinking.  Stops me thinking of Marcus’ words, stops me thinking how close I came to losing you.”

“Hutch…”

“Starsky, I saw that candy bar still on your desk the next day… after you were taken.  I remembered how I said the candy’d kill you and then… then I said… oh God, Starsk.  You didn’t even eat the damn thing and I was so scared I wasn’t going to find you in time…. I almost didn’t.”

Starsky came around to Hutch’s side of the desk and sat on the edge.  He rested his hand gently on Hutch’s shoulder and spoke as softly as he knew how. “Hutch, look at me.  I’m here.  I’m fine.  You found me.  I never doubted for a second that you’d find me.”

“Starsk, I shouldn’t have joked.  I should never have said what I said.”

“Hey, forget it Hutch.  It was just a joke.  We tease like that all the time.  I give it to you, too.  Besides there is some good came out of it.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Now you understand how dangerous apples can be.  Apples are what get you.  Never should have eaten that apple, Hutch.”

Hutch couldn’t help but laugh.  Starsky knew just how to heal him.

Starsky laughed, too.

And Hutch’s chocolate craving was gone.