One Breath

The end of the road. Or not.

Major Character Deaths. And, after that? I, for one, simply can’t imagine Starsky and Hutch ever being apart. Therefore…. And don’t forget, I’m a ‘happy endings’ writer.

However, as Gandalf said to Sam, Merry and Pippin, “I will not say: do not weep. For not all tears are an evil.”

David Starsky walked softly into the bedroom of the small bungalow he shared with his partner of more than forty years, Ken Hutchinson. He knew Hutch wasn’t asleep but he pretended he thought he was. It was a game they had played for quite a while: Hutch trying not to worry Starsky, and Starsky pretending not to worry.

He put the glass of orange juice down on the nightstand, uncapped three of the half dozen pill bottles sitting there, and shook out the required number of each into his hand before recapping them. Picking up the juice again, he sat on the bed, careful not to jostle his best friend. Knowing the pills wouldn’t benefit from too much time in his palm though, he nudged the nearest shoulder gently. “Wake up, babe. Time for your meds.”

Hutch opened still-sky-blue eyes in a face that had become achingly thin, and smiled up at him. “I wasn’t asleep.”

“I know.”

“I know you know.”

Starsky raised the glass in one hand and the pills in the other. “You want these?”

“I’ll take the juice but… no.” Hutch indicated the pills with a weak gesture. “I don’t want those.”

“Okay.” Without hesitation, Starsky dropped the pills on the floor. He held the glass, with its bent straw, to his partner’s dry lips with one hand while he tenderly lifted Hutch’s head with the other. He waited patiently while the blond drew in and swallowed as much of the liquid as he could. Almost the whole glass Starsky was pleased to see. He gently lowered Hutch’s head back onto the pillow and put the glass on the nightstand.

“No argument?”

“No argument, Hutch. I’ve been expecting it.”

“You have?”

“I know you, love. Sometimes, better than you know yourself, I think. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me you’re done. That you’ve had enough.”

Hutch couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Thought you could fool me did you, Blintz?” Starsky’s eyes twinkled.

“I was hoping I had.”

Starsky slid down next to his partner and carefully drew him into his arms. “You fought it, Hutch. You fought it just as hard as you could. You did everything the doctors asked, everything they suggested. You took all their medications, went through all their treatments and procedures, even the experimental ones.”

Starsky stroked a once-muscular arm lightly, even a firm touch could bruise.

“We thought it had worked. They thought it had worked.” He remembered their euphoria, short-lived though it had been. “But it came back. And this time, nothing worked.” He kissed Hutch’s forehead. “You’re tired, buddy. You’re ready to let go.”

“I’m glad, Starsk. I was afraid –”

“But,” Starsky interrupted gently, “you’re not leavin’ without me.”

“What?”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Starsky laughed lightly to dispel the sudden concern in Hutch’s eyes. He continued stroking the arm feather-lightly. “I’m not gonna shoot myself, or cut my wrists, or take all your pills.” He kissed his best friend briefly on the lips. “But I am going with you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve been talking with Master Qwo for months.” Starsky’s voice was calm but firm. “Ever since I realized you might not be able to beat it this time, and what you’d want to do. He’s been teaching me, helping me practice.”

“Teaching you what?” Hutch was plainly confused. “When?”

“Every time Huggy or Cal or Rosie came over to sit with you while you thought I’d gone to the gym or the pool to work off my fear and frustration. Master Qwo knows I can do it, and so do I.”

“Do what, Starsk?”

“I’m coming with you, Hutch. I know you’ve fought as long and as hard as you can. You’ve only been hanging on these last few weeks because you were worried about leaving me alone.”

“I was.”

“Well, that’s not gonna happen.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Master Qwo tells me that I can’t go before you, we’d never find each other. But if I wait until you’ve breathed your last breath, I can follow. One breath. You’ll wait that long for me, won’t you?”

“I’d wait forever…. But you can’t –”

“Why can’t I? I’d have nothing to live for after you were gone. I couldn’t stay here, alone. I just couldn’t.” Starsky looked deeply into the troubled eyes searching his. “We promised each other eternity, remember? I’m ready if you are.”

“Are you saying… that you intend… to die when I do?”

“One breath after, partner.”

Hutch lay quietly in his arms for many long minutes, clearly stunned. At last, he looked up into Starsky’s smiling eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Well… one thing. How much I love you.”

“That’s how much… I love you back.”

Hutch rested his head against Starsky’s chest, his breathing becoming shallower. Then he looked up again, uncertainty still in his eyes, but hope there now, too. “How will it work?… Between one breath and the next?”

“Always the details, right, Hutchinson?” Starsky teased.

“Always.”

“Master Qwo has taught me the way to turn everything off with my mind. I’ve learned to slow all the functions down until my brain tells them to stop. I’ve managed it twice. He brought me back each time.” Starsky chuckled. “He tells me I learned faster than anyone he’s ever heard of.” He looked lovingly at his partner. “Guess it’s because I knew I had a deadline. I’m only waiting for you now, babe. For you to decide it’s time.”

“I can’t believe… you’d do this for me.”

“I’m not doin’ it for you, dummy.” Starsky ran his fingers through the slivery blond hair, still fine and silky. “I’m doing it with you. We’ve always said we’d die for each other, Hutch. Almost have a few times. This way, we die with each other.”

Hutch took as deep a breath as possible, settling. After a few moments though, he stirred. “What’s going to happen… when someone finds –”

“Huggy, Cal and Rosie know everything. I check in with one of them every six hours. On a schedule we set up a few weeks ago. When the one who’s supposed to hear from me… doesn’t… they’ll get in touch with each other. And come here. It’s all arranged. They’ll take care of us.” Starsky chuckled again. “Turns out my doctor’s a pretty enlightened guy. I’ve explained it all to him and he’s agreed to a natural causes determination for me. And you’re under a doctor’s care. There won’t be any autopsies.”

“That’s good, Starsk…. Never liked that idea.”

“Me neither, pal.”

“Cremation?”

“Yep. Together. Same coffin. And listen to this…” he gently brushed a few strands of silver off Hutch’s forehead. “No trees were sacrificed. It’s made out of recycled cardboard.”

“Nice touch, partner.”

“Hoped you’d like it.” Starsky began to slow his own breathing, but thought of one more thing. “The three of them will take our ashes up to Pine Lake. Scatter them on the water. Like we all did for Captain Dobey. Then Edith.”

“You’ve thought… of everything.”

“I tried.”

“Could take days.”

“No, it couldn’t. It’s time.”

“So… we’ll just do it?…. Go together?”

“You first, my love. It has to be your move. But I promise, I’ll be right behind you.”

“You’d better be.”

“One breath, Hutch.”

“One breath.”

Starsky drew his arms more tightly around his too-thin, fragile lover, placing a feather-light kiss on the beloved forehead.

Hutch closed his eyes. “Kiss me, Starsk.”

Starsky leaned back slightly, moved his mouth slowly down the side of Hutch’s face, lightly kissing the eyelid, then the nose, the cheek and, finally, resting gently against the closed mouth. Hutch parted his lips a little and Starsky slipped his tongue inside the warm welcoming space one last time.

“Hmmm.” Hutch drew the tongue in a little deeper before releasing it.

Quickly but methodically, Starsky went through his mental preparations; nothing would go wrong, he wouldn’t allow it. He waited quietly, his lips gently pressed against his partner’s, inhaling as Hutch breathed out, exhaling as Hutch breathed in. Time ceased to have any meaning. At last, Starsky felt the body in his arms relax completely. The mouth he was kissing grew slack. He inhaled his best friend’s last breath.

Wait for me, babe, he sent silently.

David Starsky exhaled one final time into his lover’s still mouth.

+++++++

“Ya there, Hutch?”

“Right here, Starsk.”

“Oh, good.”

“You did it, buddy. I didn’t know this was possible.”

“Master Qwo said it was.”

“I’m really glad he was right.”

“Me, too, partner.”

“Have you opened your eyes yet?”

“Do we have eyes?”

“I don’t know. Let’s find out.”

“On three?”

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three.”

“Whaddya know! Eyes!” Starsky laughed. “I love your eyes, Hutch.”

“And I love yours. They’re still the most incredible blue I’ve ever seen.”

“Lips!” Starsky reached for his beloved’s face and kissed the startled mouth.

“And hands!” Hutch’s contribution was muffled by Starsky’s crushing kiss. He grabbed Starsky’s head, returning the lip-lock with enthusiasm.

Needing to breathe (who knew?) Starsky finally broke the kiss. He gazed at his partner and felt his soul-deep inspection intensely returned. For long, long moments (are ‘moments’ registered in eternity?), he stared into the blue-bonnet-blue eyes he adored. Hutch never looked away.

“Where’s here?” Starsky asked, at last.

“No idea.” Hutch looked around, wonderingly.

Starsky stepped back a short pace, keeping Hutch’s left hand firmly clutched in his right. He looked around, too. There was some sort of ground under their feet, but he couldn’t see any recognizable shapes in the mist or fog, or whatever it was that surrounded them. It wasn’t cold, and it wasn’t warm. It just… was. “Might take some getting used to,” he said, tentatively.

“Let’s get started!”

“One breath behind you.”

“Not any more, Starsk. We’re here. Together. Same breath from now on.”

“Eternity?”

“Oh, yeah.”

Starsky turned and began walking, hand in hand with his love, utterly care-free for the first time in recent memory. Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye though, and he stopped, staring at his partner.

“Hey, Hutch!”

“What?”

“You’ve got wings!”

Hutch smiled the gentlest, most loving smile Starsky had ever seen.

“So do you, Starsk.”

END

This story was first posted to the Starksy&Hutch911 live journal site, on 10/5/15. I’ll be posting all my 911 stories here, with Flamingo’s considerable technical help. Thanks, F.!