Hey June

“Listen, hotshot, you’d damned well better get serious about this! I have to put up with your opinion on everything else in the universe, but when it comes to our relationship and what’s happening to it, you clam up.” An evil look crossed Hutch’s face. “If I were to treat you according to the way you’ve been acting, I’d turn you over my knee and blister your ass!”

A cool breeze filtered through the gap he’d left in the car window, rudely jolting Starsky out of a troubled, restless sleep. He stretched, wincing as various body parts protested the abuse of being denied their customary soft bed.

Surveying his surroundings, he recalled stopping at the little park overlooking the Pacific early this morning. It surprised him that he’d been allowed to sleep there unbothered since then. According to his watch, it was five o’clock.

He smiled wryly. “At least I cheated Hutch outta his chance to make me sleep in the doghouse. Guess I’d better go let him read me the riot act, though, if I want to keep my happy home.” he muttered to himself. After the drive home from work yesterday, Hutch had wordlessly left the car, making it clear that he was too angry for talk and wouldn’t particularly enjoy Starsky’s company for awhile. Somewhat relieved, the detective had kept on going and ended up at Huggy’s, where he’d dumped his problems on the owner’s thin shoulders, receiving absolutely no sympathy for his trouble.

Since he’d given up his apartment long ago, there was no safe haven. On the way home, he’d gotten sleepy and pulled in to the little park and promptly fallen asleep. Now he had a sinking feeling that Hutch would be more aggravated with him than ever.

It wasn’t far to Venice Place and Starsky still had no excuse for his actions by the time he pulled to a stop at the curb. The light shone softly from the apartment window and the detective smirked, thinking that, at least, Hutch must not have slept too well, either. He sat in the car for awhile longer, looking at the place he had called home for over a year. Following the disaster with Kira, the two shell-shocked victims had gravitated toward each other, much like the Titanic heading for the iceberg. There was no missing what was right there in front of their faces. By the time the collision came, it was no surprise to either of them that they had been meant to be lovers all along. They were deliriously happy and couldn’t get enough of each other.

Then, unexpectedly, one bright May morning, Starsky was hurled to the pavement riddled with bullets. It only took a matter of seconds for their world to spin completely out of orbit and as Hutch hung over his partner, crooning that everything would be all right, he couldn’t help thinking that there was no way in hell that could ever happen. Starsky couldn’t remember much of what had happened in the hospital, but he knew that his heart had stopped once and that there seemed to be no good explanation for his being spared. When he left his sterile medical womb months later, Hutch had taken him home and given him his life back again. They’d made the decision to let Starsky’s apartment go, because it seemed an extravagance he just couldn’t afford. Later on, some space next to Hutch’s apartment had become available and they’d both worked to make the kitchen and bathroom larger and add on a spacious bedroom. It was home now and they’d both been happy, until Starsky had come back on the force.

He reached the door and entered quietly, in case Hutch was still asleep. He picked up the sound of someone moving around and called out.

“Hutch?”

Starsky heard a crash, trailed closely by an expletive, and he followed the sound into the greenhouse, where he discovered Hutch gazing dismally at a pile of terracotta, mingled with the deep green of a crushed plant. It didn’t take Starsky long to recognize an old enemy.

“Not much of a loss, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t,” Hutch answered, “but what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Always pissed me off that somebody named the damn thing after a group of people and then felt they had to tack an adjective onto it. Wandering Jew! Does Swedish Ivy have a qualifier in front of it?”

“Wandering doesn’t seem like much of an insult to me.”

“When I hear the word wandering, it makes me think of transients, gypsies. homeless people. That’s not too flattering. How would you like to have a plant named the demented Dane or the nerdy Norwegian or…”

It occurred to Hutch that his partner was rambling more than usual.

“Starsky, quit trying to dance me around!” he growled. “You’ve got a tongue-lashing coming and you know it.”

Starsky closed his eyes as if he were in ecstasy.

“And what luscious lashing that tongue can accomplish.”

His eyes snapped open as what could only be a boa constrictor grabbed him by the neck and started to crush his windpipe. Starsky found some measure of relief when he realized Hutch had gripped his jacket in both big fists and was jerking him upwards so that he had to stand on the toes of his sneakers.

Starsky remained silent, but his eyes widened and his jaw clenched. Something fiery and dangerous that Hutch hadn’t seen since the shooting slithered up from the depths of his dark blue eyes.

Hutch was happy to see it, but something even more dangerous had possession of him right then and that took center stage. He would savor the moment, though, and bring it out later to study like a treasured photograph.

“Starsky?”

His partner stood quietly, daring Hutch with his eyes.

“Damnit, Starsky, I’m about two seconds away from forgetting that you’re an adult. Believe me, at this point, it would give me a helluva lot of satisfaction. Is that what you want?”

Not a word from his partner, but the slightest shake of his head and the listlessness that returned to his eyes told Hutch that the fight had gone back out of him.

Hutch pushed him down on the couch and he sat across from him on the coffee table, his long legs planted on either side of his partner’s, as if to deter any escape possible.

“Okay, spit it out! What did you think you were doing?”

Obviously trapped and facing an ordeal he’d long been avoiding, Starsky made one more desperate attempt.

“Don’t you think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, Hutch? I know there’ve been a few screw-ups since I got back to work, but I’ve just lost my edge. Things’ll fall into place.”

“Screw-ups?” Hutch exploded. “If those were screw-ups, then yesterday was a major cluster-fuck gone south! When I left you in the morning, you were supposed to be doing paperwork. How’d I end the day as your back-up, hauling your ass out of the fire?”

Starsky blinked in mild shock. Hutch was normally soft-spoken, used profanity sparingly and was rarely crude. He was obviously more upset than his dark-haired partner had ever seen him before. ‘

‘Damn,’ he thought, ‘I should have been up front with him from the start. Now I don’t even know where to begin.’

“Starsky?”

“You’re the one who said we should question Mack Carter.”

“I did and I assumed we would be together when we did that. You grasp the concept, don’t you? To-ge-ther? You and I? Me and Thee? Partners?”

“Yeah, yeah..I understand. I thought…”

“Uh-Uhn.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t think…you do. Mack Carter is syndicate. You know that. Wasting a cop or two is his favorite indoor sport and he enjoys finding new and novel ways of doing it. He’s surrounded by the lowest level of scumbags around. You know all of that. But you decided to waltz in there by yourself and grill him about a murder? You’re a much better cop than that.”

“Hutch, we’ve been so busy and you were gonna be tied up in court all day. I thought I was doing you a favor.”

“You’re missing the point, Starsky. All of these little “screwups” have been because you’ve gone off on a tangent and tried to do something on your own. Alone. Believe me, I’ve gone down the whole list of excuses I could come up with. Glory-hounding?.not your style. New partner. I think you’d be man enough to tell me. Wanna make Lieutenant?.you have to go back to school. The leash a little too short? Maybe? Huh?”

Starsky brought his head up, surprised. “God, no, Hutch. I haven’t changed my mind about us. I love you more than I ever thought I could.”

Hutch’s tension eased and he slumped over, his head in his hands.

Starsky immediately reached out to put his arms around him.

“I’m sorry. s’sorry I put you through this. That isn’t it at all. When you burst into Carter’s office with your gun drawn and sparks shootin’ outta your eyes, I never loved you more. I knew then I had to come clean. I just didn’t know how. It’s too hard for me.”

Hutch drew back just enough so he could look into Starsky’s eyes, unwilling to break the bond of the arms that clung to him.

“I’m not hearing any answers.”

“Well…it has to do with…it’s because…Oh, shit..you know…I’m a man.”

The furrow in Hutch’s brow deepened and he pulled back from the other man’s arms.

“That’s quite apparent to me…especially since we became lovers.”

Starsky manged to look everywhere else in the room, avoiding Hutch’s eyes.

“It just isn’t something that’s easy for a guy to admit, Hutch. Itwould be easier if I was a…dammit…a June.”

“June? I’ve waited to hear this for months and that’s all you can come up with? What’s a June…a month…a bug…what the hell?”

“Okay, didn’t you ever notice that the most capable, feminine women on TV were named June? They always knew the right thing to say and do. June Cleaver, June Allyson, June Lockhart….she was Lassie’s mom, you know? Well, not Lassie’s, but…”

“Godamnit, Starsky, would you just get on with it? What does that have to do with us?”

“See…if I were a June, that would mean I was a woman and a near perfect one at that.

“And…?”

And…therefore I wouldn’t need to worry about being all macho and I could just tell you that the job is too much for me and I’d still have my pride. But I can’t tell you that.”

“Don’t look now, Starsk, but I think you just did. Your logic stinks, but, God help me…I understand it.”

“I’m sorry, Hutch. I didn’t want to let you down.”

“When did you come across this little revelation.”

“When I woke up in the hospital.”

Hutch just stared at him.

“Hutch?”

“Is there some sane reason why you didn’t say anything then?”

“I think you know the reason.”

“If it has anything to do with July, I’m gonna punch you.”

“July? Are you nuts?”

“Apparently. This is beginning to sound a lot like one of the stanzas of Jabberwocky.”

“Because you love police work and it would break your heart to have to quit. And I knew you’d quit if I did. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“So all the agony we both went through to get you ready to take the tests was for me?”

“Not all. I did want to be able to do as much for myself as possible. I kept waiting for them to put the brakes on me, but they never did.”

Hutch put his hand under the other man’s chin and lifted his head, so that Starsky had to look directly into his pale blue eyes.

“That’s because you didn’t tell them how you really felt,” he said, very slowly and deliberately, as if speaking to a child. “I knew you were crazy, I just didn’t know you were certifiable.”

“What do we do now, Hutch?” Starsky asked him, feeling more miserable than he ever had before.

“That’s the easy part, we quit.”

“I’m not going to let you do that. I’ll go away.”

Hutch began to laugh.

“You think me going away is funny?” Starsky asked incredulously.

“No. not that,” Hutch blurted out between guffaws. “It just occurs to me that for two people who lived in each other’s heads, our brain waves sure got short circuited.”

“Hutch?”

Hutch swung around so he was sitting next to his partner. He noticed that by the time he got there, Starsky’s arm was firmly planted across the back of the couch, ready to press against him and support him. That said it all when it came to their relationship.

“Starsky, when you got shot, I couldn’t wait to get out of the police force. My only reason for staying one day longer was to get Gunther first. Any job that could cause that kind of injury to someone I loved so much was a curse as far as I could see. And, let’s face it. We were pretty disillusioned already about the whole McClellan mess that led into it. But I thought I knew you and your ‘my dad was a cop and there’s nothing else on earth I could ever be’ philosophy. I was just hoping they’d tell you that there was no way. I knew you’d be devastated, but I also knew I could love you through it. I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking it out, because what kind of ‘iron man’ ever makes it all the way back after taking that many bullets. I was too busy worrying which of my equally crummy pairs of jeans I should wear to your funeral.”

That remark inadvertantly broke the tension and they both chuckled. Starsky still had reservations, But Hutch had never lied to him and he felt now that it was something they could work through together.

“Hard to believe we’ve both been so dumb. This is going to take awhile for me to get my mind around. It’s my fault. I should have been straight with you.”

“Oh, you will be, but not tonight. I’m beat.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, why don’t I go clean up the ‘Jew’ plant and you go do your June Cleaver impersonation and fix us a sandwich or something?”

“Hu-u-u-utch! I don’t wanna be hearing that all the time.”

“You won’t. Maybe just once a day or so.”

“Until you forget it.”

“For the rest of your life is more like it. Live with it.”

Starsky trudged into the kitchen, muttering dire threats against his partner’s person. He was totally bewildered by the events of the afternoon. Already, though, he felt such relief that he no longer had to keep up the pretense or try to convince everyone that he was super-cop, only to end up falling on his ass.

He heard Hutch quietly come into the living room and pick up his guitar. Starsky loved to listen to him play, but he wasn’t prepared for the lead-in to ‘Hey Jude.’ Hutch sometimes played it when he was down and thinking back to when he’d been strung out on dope. This time, though, Hutch put a slightly different slant on it.

“Hey, June,
Don’t let me down,
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start….”

He didn’t get any further before the guitar went flying and Starsky had him pinned and was demanding an apology.

Later on, Hutch snuggled up against his lover’s back in bed, as they mused drowsily about the future.

“Keep practicing your home-making skills, maybe I’ll make an honest man out of you someday.” Hutch muttered.

“Just remember, when it comes to the wedding, white pales out my complexion, shell-fish give me gas and I hate daisies.”

“We can have a June wedding, though,” Hutch wheezed, through fits of giggles.

They settled down eventually and Hutch was about to fall asleep.

“Hutch?”

“Hmmmm?”

“I was thinking. sometimes in the Jewish marriage ceremony, they quote a Bible passage from Ruth. ‘For where you go, I will go and where you lodge, I will lodge.’ That’s what I want for us. Whatever you want to do is all right by me. I just want to be with you till it’s all over and one of us is gone.”

Hutch nuzzled his lovers ear, feeling the shivers course through the other man’s body as they always did when he paid attention to that particular spot. He smiled wickedly.

“Aw, Starsk, I love that you feel that way. You and I both have some money saved up and it’s always been a dream of mine to buy some land in the mountains. wooded land, you know. We could build our own cabin, maybe even hunt and fish for our food. We wouldn’t even have to work.”

There was total silence. Knowing exactly what was going through his partner’s mind, Hutch debated telling him that whatever they found to occupy the rest of their days, it would be something that they both loved. And it definitely would be together, if he had to chain Starsky to the bed to keep him out of trouble

‘Nah, let him twist in the wind a little. Tomorrow’s our day off and I’ll make it up to him.’ he thought to himself, sleepily.

As Hutch drifted into peaceful sleep, he thought he heard Starsky whisper, “Swear t’ god, I’m gonna Superglue my mouth shut.”

For the first time in several months, Hutch slept contentedly, secure in his love and their future. Starsky, on the other hand, was plagued with interminable nightmares where he was being chased by rabid beasts, venomous snakes and voracious insects.

The End