Love Notes

While stuck at a boring conference, the guys write increasingly cheeky love notes to each other.

Starsky,
I don’t know how I love you, except that it’s effortlessly. I don’t know why I love you, except for the way you soothe me in the darkest hours.

Hutch,
The next time you go shopping, pick these things up for me, will ya?
-car wax
-a small cushion that can fit in my desk chair

Starsky,
What the hell kind of love note is that?

Hutch,
You know me, I’m better at the sex talk than the romantic stuff.

Starsky,
Your two-item list is neither sexy nor romantic. As usual, I cannot make sense of your train of thought.

Hutch,
The car wax is because, the next time you have me bent over the hood of the Torino, I want to be able to admire a nice waxed finish. And the cushion is because after you’ve fucked me with your ten-inch cock, I won’t be able to sit down for a week.

Starsky,
Who are you seeing behind my back who has a ten-inch dick? And am I really so boring that you want to concentrate on your car’s finish while I’m fucking you?

Hutch,
You don’t know how to take a compliment from me, but you have no problem accepting them from every pretty woman who flirts with you.

Starsky,
You’re one to talk, Gordo. You get whiplash every time a woman walks by.

Hutch,
You’re sexy when you’re jealous.

Starsky,
Is that why you try to make me crazy?

Hutch,
Of course. Plunder me, my Viking warrior.

Starsky,
Have you been borrowing romance novels from Minnie?

Hutch,
Minnie doesn’t read romance novels. And since when has an ugly mug like mine ever adorned the cover of one of those rags?

Starsky,
Now you’re just fishing for compliments. You know my heart skips a beat when I see that smile light up your eyes. You know I pester you into running with me in the mornings so I can admire that ass of your’s in those tight cutoffs. You know I can’t get enough of those legs wrapped around me, enough of running my hands over your body.

Hutch,
Stop getting me horny; we’re stuck at this boring conference for another two hours.

Starsky,
You’re the one who suggested we write these, and you’re the one who turned into a dirty old man.

Hutch,
Think we can sneak out incontinuously?

Starsky,
It’s hard enough trying to pass these notes to each other inconspicuously; I don’t think we can sneak out. You’ll just have to wait for another hour and forty minutes.
P.S.
That means Behave.

Hutch,
So if I don’t behave, does that mean you’re going to punish me? 🙂

Starsky,
Nice try Gordo, but you can’t trick me with semantics. I’m not going to reward you for bad behavior.

Hutch,
You’re mean. 🙁

Starsky,
If you’re good, I’ll pick up some chocolate ice cream and you can lick it off of me.

Hutch,
Why do you have to go all paradoxical on me?

Starsky,
What do you mean?

Hutch,
You know, when something seems like it’d contradict itself, but it’s actually true? You’re dangling a reward in front of me that is supposed to make me behave, but picturing it is making it harder to behave.

Starsky,
A big heart, a great smile, good-looking and brainy? I must have done something right in order to get you into my life.

Hutch,
You know I hate soapy scenes.

Starsky,
Is that why you’re tearing up?

Hutch,
I’m not tearing up. There’s something in my eye. Besides, what are you talking about? You’re the smartest, handsomest, big-heartedest guy I know.

Starsky,
Must be because you’ve rubbed off on me 🙂

Hutch,
I’d like to rub off on you alright 🙂

Starsky,
Watch it, Gordo. You’re in danger of losing your chocolate ice cream reward.

Hutch,
That would mean that we would both be punished though. So let’s say we make sure that doesn’t happen and we sneak on out of here.

Starsky,
Behave. Or no ice cream and no sex. I’m invoking Hobson’s Choice.

Hutch,
Who is Hobson and why does he get to choose?

Starsky,
He didn’t get to choose, he gave the choice. The choice to take it or leave it. And that’s what I’m doing now. You can behave, and get rewarded for it, or you can misbehave, and lose your reward. You don’t get both, therefore, you don’t get to misbehave and get the reward. So you take the reward as offered, or you leave it. No loopholes.

Hutch,
I think you’re forgetting that I know exactly how to push all your buttons, and you’re not going to be able to resist me.

Starsky,
I think you’re forgetting that I’m the one who is actually good at self-control here.

Hutch,
Oh sure, with your wheat germ shakes and your soybean steaks, but not when it comes to Starsky a la mode.

Starsky,
I’m the one who’s going to be covered with ice cream, dummy.

Hutch,
Maybe, maybe not. Besides, I see you’re now sitting with your legs crossed, which means I’ve gained the upper hand here 🙂

Starsky,
That’s okay. I’m pretty sure that I can hold out for another thirty minutes.

Hutch,
So my plan worked.

Starsky,
What do you mean?

Hutch,
This was my suggestion, remember? To write these notes to each other so we could pass the time? Not only have we passed the time, but I also have you hot and bothered.

Starsky,
You know what you being clever does to me. How am I supposed to pick up ice cream now? I’ll be lucky to walk out of here without embarrassing myself.

Hutch,
I don’t need ice cream when I’ve got my blond blintz to taste.

Starsky,
I love you.

Hutch,
I know.

Starsky,
What kind of answer is that?

Hutch,
You know I like to show, not tell.

Starsky,
Oh, I know it well. Just one more reason I’m the luckiest guy in the world.