The Homecoming

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Twenty-five years on and Starsky returns to the precinct, but after so many years can he and Hutch still be friends?

 

Part One of The Homecoming Series: A follow up to what happened after the final episode and what has happened in the years between.

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CHAPTER ONE–THE HOMECOMING.

The cab slowly drew to a halt and the doors flew open to allow the occupants to alight. Two scuttled out and ran up and down the steps in front of them, eager to stretch aching and cramped legs, the third got out with a faint smile crossing her face as she watched her two youngsters running off their long cooped up energy. The fourth occupant paid the fare and slowly alighted from the cab, his eyes taking in the once familiar surroundings.

Nothing much had changed in the twenty odd years since he had turned his back on this view and left to start again somewhere new. Memories, long since buried, threatened to overwhelm him, and he was forced to take a deep breath and close his eyelids tight against them. The screech of tires behind him made him turn fast, instinct long bred through years of training coming rapidly to the fore, he scanned the road for any sign of danger to his family. A gentle hand touched his arm and he turned to its owner, slowly releasing the breath he had been holding on to without even realizing it. The face that met his was filled with concern and love for the man in front it. She had outwardly supported her husband in returning to this place where he had given so much of his life. Inwardly she had feared for the pain it would cause to the man she had slowly put back together and with whom she had built a loving home. She shivered as she saw the memories of nightmares fleeting across her husband’s face and, not for the first time, she wished with all her heart that they had not come.

Screams of laughter broke the tense atmosphere and the couple looked to where their offspring were chasing each other up and down the steps, the older boy dodging his sister as she tried in vain to tag him. Taking his wife’s hand the man slowly climbed the steps to the front door where he stood for a moment to gather his courage to enter the building. Once he would have sauntered in, the streetwise cop so sure of his self and those around him. Now though he paused with his hand on the door and knew he was going back and would need to face things he would rather forget, people he would rather not meet. He knew that the older ones would be happy to see him but he also knew they would look at him with sadness and pity and he didn’t want that. Suddenly the door in front of him was flung open and two men rushed past so deep in conversation they never even noticed the family as they went.

Taking yet another deep breath the man entered into the building closely followed by his family. Looking around him as he led the little group the man realized that nothing much had changed inside either. True the faces around him were different, although one or two looked at him with a familiar glance, but the layout was still the same. Turning he led the way down a flight of stairs and pushed through a swing door in front of him. His family stood back and watched as he walked slowly towards a desk a few strides away and gingerly touched the wood. Sinking into the chair in front of it he lent back and put his feet up on the desk linking his hands behind his head. Smiling he looked around the room at the aghast faces surrounding him and he suddenly felt comfortable. David Michael Starsky was back where he belonged. The wanderer had at last returned home!

 

CHAPTER TWO–OLD FRIENDS

“Excuse me sir but I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to move, NOW!”

Starsky looked up into the irate face of the young man in front of him and, with a lop-sided grin, he slowly complied. Moving over to stand with a protective arm around his family he continued to look at the earnest young man as the latter tried in vain to collect himself and carry on with his work.

Giving up he gave an exaggerated sigh and finally looking Starsky in the eye he asked, “Can I help you or are you just trying to annoy me?”

Inwardly laughing to himself Starsky continued to look at the young detective, rapidly taking in everything about him. When he finally spoke it was in a friendly a manner as he could muster; he liked the look of the young man, reminding him of someone else.

“I’m looking for someone, maybe you could help me.”

The young detective felt his face redden under the older man’s gaze. Something about his demeanor told him this was not a man to mess with, although he felt no threat from him he had a distinct feeling that those deep blue eyes could soon become icy if their owner was angered.

“My name is Detective Anderson and if you’d like to take a seat I’ll get some details from you and see what I can do.”

Starsky’s smile widened and the sound of gentle laughter and unsuccessfully stifled giggles came from behind him. For the first time the young detective looked properly at the woman and two children with the stranger in front of him. The woman was not as tall as her husband and was obviously somewhat younger than him but her whole manner spoke volumes as to how close they were. Her long brown hair hung loosely framing her oval face and accentuated her deep brown eyes. Standing with one arm around her husband’s waist the woman’s stance read, ‘Cross him, deal with me.’

The children were miniature versions of their parents. The boy he took to be about thirteen years of age and had his Father’s curly hair and expressive eyes. The girl he decided was about ten and, like her Mother had brown eyes and hair which was cut in a short bob.

The young woman looked at him and held out her hand. “I’m sorry Detective Anderson, we didn’t mean to appear rude. David Starsky apologize right now and explain properly before this young man has us thrown out.”

As Anderson took the hand to shake Starsky watched as his face told him that the name appeared to register. Obviously the detective had heard of him, the question was, what had he heard? Starsky held his hand out and Anderson took it, shaking it firmly and warmly. Starsky relaxed a little.

“My wife is right, as usual. I apologize for acting like I own your desk but a long time ago I did. I’m visiting for a while and I was hoping to see an old friend if it’s at all possible.”

Suddenly the door behind them opened and a middle-aged woman walked in carrying a handful of files. Not expecting to find anyone directly behind the door she came close to falling over the young girl standing there. Saving herself from falling she dropped the files in a heap on the floor. Glancing at the young girl she couldn’t stop the fleeting cross expression that flashed across her face. In an instance another figure appeared by the side of the first, this one a little older and taller. The young boy’s arm went protectively around his sister’s shoulder and he glared at the woman daring her to say anything. The woman froze as she looked at the boy’s face. It was a face she had seen before many years ago and had long since given up hope of seeing again. A larger, stronger hand came into the picture, the files she had dropped held in them and offered out to her. Dragging her eyes away from the boy she looked up at the owner of the hand to see a smiling Starsky looking back at her.

“Hi Millie,” Starsky spoke hesitantly at first. “It’s good to see you again. Sorry about my brood getting under your feet.”

“Oh my goodness, Starsky is that really you? Why didn’t you let me know you were coming? Does he know you’re here?” The questions fell from Millie’s lips in a rush.

“Hey, slow down will ya, one thing at a time. Yes it’s me, I wanted to surprise you and no he doesn’t in that order. Now stop catching flies, close your mouth and come and give me a hug before I think you don’t love me anymore.”

Millie moved as though she had been stung. Running the few yards to Starsky, and to the amazement of everyone in the room, she threw her arms around his neck pulling him into an enormous hug. A quiet cough from behind her finally got through and she let Starsky go.

Breathing heavily to recover Starsky introduced Millie to his family. “Gang I’d like you all to meet Millie. She was the top dispatcher in the squad room and she makes the best cookies you ever tasted, even better than your Grandma does but don’t tell her that. Millie I’d like you to meet my two urchins. The one you almost fell over is Rachael and her zealous brother is Kenneth Michael.” Turning to face his wife he looked into her eyes as he said to Millie, “And this is my wife Kelly. I owe her my sanity and my life and I love her deeply.” So saying he kissed her fully on the lips.

Millie waited until the couple had parted and then said, “I’m glad to meet you at long last. Starsky told me so much about you in his letters I feel I’ve known you forever.”

“It’s good to meet you too. Now I can finally put a face to the mystery woman my husband keeps writing to.” Kelly Starsky smiled as she spoke, she had heard so much about this woman standing in front of her and she knew that this was the one link that her husband held onto from his former life. The one that kept him informed of his ex-partner and the one who had sent the news that had brought them back here to this place. She so wanted to hate her for this last event but she knew she could not. Her husband thought a great deal about Millie and she trusted his judgment. Kelly found herself liking this woman a lot.

Millie turned to Detective Anderson. “Tom I’d like you to meet ex-detective David Starsky. About twenty years ago he sat in your chair and he was one half of the best detective partnership this precinct has ever known. Starsky you’ll like Tom if you get a chance to talk properly, he’s a lot like you in many ways.”

Starsky grinned again. “Millie you’re biased, don’t listen to her.”

“What time will the Captain be back Tom?” Millie opened the door of the room leading off from the squadroom and steered the family inside.

“He should be here any time now. He rang to say the trial was over and he was on his way back, that was about twenty minutes ago.” Tom Anderson was hurriedly tidying away files from chairs and tables trying to find enough room for the family to sit down. “Sorry about the mess folks, the Captain left in a rush this morning. He was a witness in a murder trial and the lawyers tried to pull a fast one on us. The Captain was ready for them though and the result went in our favor. Can I get you folks a drink of some kind? The coffee isn’t too bad. I’ve just made a fresh pot and there’s a cold drink machine in the hall if the kids want something.”

Digging into his jeans pocket Starsky gave his children some change and directions to the coke machine. “A coffee would be great thanks, it’s been a long trip and we didn’t stop at the airport, I wanted to get here and back to the hotel before it got too late.”

Tom Anderson left the room and returned a couple of minutes later with two steaming mugs of coffee. Leaving the couple to drink it in peace he went into the corridor to look for the children. He was still feeling a little strange at the way Starsky had directed his children to the coke machine as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Tom Anderson wondered if he would be able to remember this place with such detail twenty years from now.

As he turned the corner he saw the youngsters retrieve their drinks from the machine and putting one hand on a shoulder of each child he began to lead them back to their parents. The door at the end of the corridor opened and a tired looking man came in through it. The man walked past the detective yawning, barely registering him as he went. He had gone about three paces when he suddenly stopped so abruptly that Tom and the children almost walked into him. Turning slowly the man took in the two children in front of him. The young boy stared back with a defensive glare in his eyes, daring the older man to confront them. It was a look that sent shivers down the spine of the older man. Flashbacks of another, older version of this face shot through his memory. It was a face he thought he would never see again and he suddenly needed to know where this child had come from.

From nowhere, or so it seemed, Millie appeared behind the children and gently touching the older man on the arm she quietly spoke, “He’s in your office waiting for you.”

The man shot off along the corridor at a speed Tom Anderson felt impossible for a man over fifty years of age. Bursting through the doors of the squadroom his hand fell on the knob of his office door and he hesitated. For a split second he was afraid to go in, afraid that someone was playing a very cruel joke on him. Then he looked back and once again saw those eyes looking at him, this time with understanding, and they were smiling at him in a manner long forgotten. Turning the handle he burst into his office and came to a complete standstill. Standing in front of him was the person he had wished for so long to see, the one person that made him feel complete. He felt his knees buckle as the color drained from his face and he grabbed the corner of his desk to hold himself up.

“I don’t believe it, after all these years I don’t believe it.” Tears were threatening to overwhelm him as the person in front of him put down his cup and very slowly began to walk towards him. “Where the hell have you been all these years? Why didn’t you tell me you were going or at least keep in touch?”

Twenty years of questions were bubbling up inside him and with it twenty years of anger and hurt. Starsky stopped walking. This was one of the things he feared the most. Rejection now would cause so much anguish and pain he began to wish he had never come here. He longed to hug the taller man in front of him, to beg his forgiveness and understanding but all he could do was stand there and listen as the tumult of emotions came tumbling out. In the end he could take no more and with tears in his eyes he turned to Kelly his eyes begging for her help.

Kelly rose from her seat and deliberately placed herself in front of her husband but slightly to one side. “You must be Hutch, David has never stopped thinking and talking about you in twenty years. You have no idea what it took for him to come here today. I knew it was a mistake but he so wanted to make things right with you, to try and explain. It’s obvious to me you aren’t going to give him the chance so I think we should leave now before I say something I might regret.” So saying she linked her arm through her husband’s and began to turn towards the door.

As they took a step towards it a strange choking sound came from behind them. Turning they could see Captain Kenneth Hutchinson with tears streaming down his face. Starsky was by his side in two strides and grabbing his one time partner he hugged him firmly trying to take all the pain of the last twenty years away. Looking at the two men in front of her Kelly Starsky quietly left the room and sat down in a chair outside the door. There was a lot for these two men to talk through and she would sit here and wait, making sure no one disturbed them. She only hoped she would not once again be picking up the pieces of her husband and putting them back together again. She had done that before and she would do it again if need be but she knew it would be harder than ever if the blond haired man rejected him.

 

CHAPTER THREE–TOGETHER AGAIN

For a long while Starsky held on to Hutch as the tears flowed. His own emotions were somersaulting and he was having trouble keeping the tremor from his voice as he quietly and gently whispered encouragement in his friend’s ear. He wished now that he had written or phoned to give Hutch some warning of his return, anything to prepare him. It may have ended in rejection from Hutch but even that would not have been so hard to bear as the total devastation he was facing now.

Finally able to stand no longer Starsky held on tight as Hutch’s knees gave way. Almost carrying the taller man he managed with difficulty to reach the chair and gently lowered Hutch into it. Kneeling in front of his one time partner Starsky forced himself to look him in the eyes, ice blue eyes that he knew so well. Eyes that could freeze and terrify a suspect now looked back at him in anguish and it made his heart ache for being the cause of such pain.

“Hutch, I…I don’t know where to start or what to say for that matter. I’m not even sure I should be here but I wanted…. No, I needed to try and put things right between us before it was too late.” Starsky held firmly to the hand of his friend. “I can’t expect you to forgive me for walking away but at least give me a chance to explain why I had to go, dammit Hutch, surely eight years together at least gives me that right.”

“Right, you talk of right! That’s a good one Starsky. One day you just up and leave after eight years, no word, no message, nothing. It was like you had disappeared from the face of the earth and you speak of rights. If I had any sense I’d tell you to go, get out of here, go back to wherever it is you’ve been hiding and leave me alone. I’m just fine without you.” Hutch spoke with such venom that Starsky had to force himself to stay where he was and not turn and flee.

Letting go of the hand he rose slowly to his feet. He wasn’t sure how to continue, wasn’t sure if he wanted to. What was the point? Hutch hated him and he had every right. He knew though that he had to try. He had to make Hutch understand. Slowly, haltingly at first, Starsky begged Hutch to listen to him and, as he spoke the years melted away and the memories began to return of the day twenty years ago when his world had come to a complete and almost final end.

He shivered as he remembered the pain of the bullets as they ripped into his body. The scared emotions that ran through him when Hutch had told him how he had died and the doctors had fought to bring him back. Most of all though he remembered the sorrow and anguish he had felt when he finally admitted to himself what the doctors had been telling him all the while. He would never be a cop again. At least not the kind of cop he used to be, needed to be, had grown up yearning to be. Gunther had won, physically he was still alive but mentally he had died, his whole world turned on a tilt that, this time, even Hutch couldn’t fix.

He remembered the long hours of desperation as his tortured mind had slowly worked through the facts laid out by the doctor’s diagnosis. His shattered body could take no more punishment; in fact it was a wonder it had stood up so far. It would take at least a year for his weakened lungs to fully recover, never mind the damage to the rest of his internal organs. The nightmares would eventually stop in their own time but when that would be the doctors refused to even try to guess at. Starsky had found himself afraid to go to bed at night. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Gunther’s goons firing at him, the bright red of his blood mixing with the bright red of his Torino, he could feel the intense burning in his stomach. But most of all he could still hear the anguished yelling of Hutch and the sense of helplessness that he could do nothing to help, nothing to stop them getting his partner. He would wake up in a cold, clammy sweat with his whole body trembling and such a total feeling of loss in his heart that he began to doubt his own sanity.

It was after a dreadful night spent desperately trying to convince himself that it was all a nightmare and when daylight came Hutch would be there looking after him, helping him dress, coaxing him to eat and making sure he was ok that Starsky sat in his bedroom and finally let go of his emotions. Unable to stop the tidal wave of tears he sat and sobbed until every part of his being ached. When at last the crying was over Starsky began to think for the first time about his future and that of his partner and friend. Starsky knew that the doctors were right, there was no going back for him now. For a second he wished with all his heart that he had stayed dead then just as quickly as the thought arose it was dismissed. Starsky knew that if he had died then Hutch would just as surely have done so. Somehow he had to find a way to let Hutch go, to let him carry on living without him. He knew Hutch could have passed his Lieutenant exams long ago but he refused to even discuss taking them, passing would inevitably mean an end to their partnership and Hutch refused to even consider it.

Instantly Starsky knew what he had to do. Uncaring of the consequences to himself Starsky knew he had to somehow give Hutch his freedom from caring, from loving so dearly. Heading for his bathroom he forced himself into a cold shower. The water was icy and stung his naked body to complete awareness. Once dressed, he grabbed a small holdall and threw a few items of clothing into it. On the top he carefully placed a photograph of Hutch and himself taken at a party. They were both smiling and relaxed and it was the way Starsky chose to remember Hutch. The last thing he had needed was his passport and this he pushed into the inside pocket of his jacket. From the top drawer of his bureau he pulled a notepad and pen and sat down to write the hardest letter of his life.

Hutch. I have to leave. Your ‘Mother Hen’ routine is stifling me and if I don’t go it’ll end up drowning me completely. Eight years of being under your thumb is enough even for me and I’m going. Don’t try and look for me, if you find me I’ll just keep moving on until you give up. Get on with your own life Hutch and let me get on with mine! Starsky.

“You have no idea how it hurt to write that letter Hutch, I never meant a word of it but it was the only way I could think to stop you from following me. I didn’t know where I was going I just knew I had to get as far away as possible and keep on running if you had any chance of starting without me.” The tears were flowing unchecked down Starsky’s face and he was trembling. He was scared that he wasn’t making much sense and that Hutch wasn’t even listening. Unable still to look him in the face Starsky continued.

“I headed out to the airport and caught the first flight back to New York. I knew Ma would take me in and not ask any questions. I knew she would cover for me too if you got too close. I still needed to recover some strength and I wasn’t really capable of thinking straight for longer than ten minutes at a time so I guess there was nowhere else to go. She was great, asked no questions, just held me close like when I was a kid. Then she took me upstairs and put me to bed. I stayed there for four days and every night the nightmares would start again and she’d be there holding my hand, keeping me safe. She did that for the best part of a year before I was finally well enough to try and start again.”

Pausing for breath Starsky finally risked a glance in Hutch’s direction. He was still standing, glaring at him, but at least he seemed to be listening and this gave Starsky the strength to carry on.

“I decided to go back to school Hutch. You were always on at me to give it a try so I finally did. I realized that I needed to get something behind me if I was to make a life for myself. I wasn’t capable of anything physical so I had to at least try for the intellectual. It took a lot of effort but in the end I made it. I got a teaching degree. I remember thinking how proud you would have been that I’d finally done it. Anyway, after a couple of months I applied for a job teaching junior high in Canada, got it too. I think the panel must have been desperate or else they felt sorry for me. Suddenly there I was, David Starsky, Teacher of English, with a class of twenty-two ten year olds. I was terrified I can tell you. You know what though Hutch, I enjoyed it. Sure it was a challenge but every day was different and what I did mattered to someone other than just me.”

Starsky was beginning to relax a little. Hutch was no longer glaring at him and had sat down in the big chair that had been holding him up until now. “The nights were still the same though Hutch, only now the nightmares were made worse by your face. Every time I shut my eyes you were there looking at me with pain-filled eyes. I never stopped thinking of you Hutch. Sometimes I would pick up the phone to ring you, hear your voice, but I would always chicken out at the last minute. I knew how you were doing though thanks to Millie. I wrote to ask her for news of you.”

At this Hutch’s mouth fell open, a look of incredulity on his face. “Millie knew… She knew where you were and she never said anything. My God how could she? She knew I was out of my mind with worry. I only wanted to know you were all right that’s all. I looked for you, even phoned your Mother, but I kept running into dead ends. Dammit Starsk I thought you were dead!” The anger was back for a moment and Starsky took a step backwards away from the volcano in front of him.

“Don’t blame Millie Hutch, it wasn’t her fault, I told her that I’d stop writing if she told you. Besides, to begin with I used a post office box so it wouldn’t have got you very far. I told you I didn’t want you to find me; I needed you to get on with your life for both of us. If I couldn’t be a cop anymore then at least you could. You did too, a damn fine one according to the reports I got. I was so proud when Millie told me you had made Captain, I knew you would one day without me to hold you back.”

The anger evaporated as quickly as it had come to be replaced with a look of total disbelief. Hutch rose from the chair and crossed to stand in front of Starsky. “Look at me Starsky, Look at me!” Hutch gently put his hand to Starsky’s cheek and turned it to face him. He was shocked to see the fear that lay in the depths of the eyes and he forced himself to step back and give his friend room. He saw Starsky relax his guard just a little and he wondered at just how much this proud and caring man had gone through to be here today.

“Never, do you hear me? Never did I think you ever held me back Starsk. We were partners, in everything that mattered, equal partners. Don’t you ever let me hear you put yourself down again. There were times when I would never have made it through without you, you know that. You were my rock Starsky. The one thing that never altered, that was always there when I needed it, never asked or demanded more of me than I could give. Then you just went, disappeared like you had never even existed and for a while I was completely lost. When I read your letter it was like a knife going through me, nothing mattered anymore. If it hadn’t been for Dobey and Huggy Bear I don’t think I would have come through but I did Starsk. I did it for you, for us, Me and Thee. Back then I’d have given anything to have got you back but now I think I can understand a little and I’m just glad you’re here, safe and sound. Come here you big lummox.”

So saying Hutch stepped forward and took Starsky in his arms hugging him until Starsky thought he would never breathe again. Hutch felt the tension in his friend flow away and felt like crying again when he felt Starsky’s arms enfold him and return the hug. For a moment the two men remained locked together until finally Starsky’s lungs told him it was time to let go.

“Sorry buddy but I need to catch my breath a bit.”

Hutch instantly let go and looked worriedly at his partner. “Still affects you after all this time? Dammit Starsk, you look fitter then I do. A little grey around the temples maybe and a few lines that I don’t remember. Plus you’re a little heavier than when I last saw you but all in all you look better than I do.”

Starsky laughed gently at this. “The doctors said the lungs would never recover completely Hutch, you should know you were there. As for the rest well I guess I’ve got Kelly to thank for keeping me in shape. Physically and mentally. She picked up the pieces Hutch and put me back together. I’d never have made it without her. Remember I said the nightmares continued? Well Kelly was a teacher at the school I worked at. It took me five months to pick up the courage to ask her for a date, I couldn’t believe it when she said yes. Anyway, we went for a meal and a walk and we started talking and somehow I couldn’t stop. I really thought I’d blown it Hutch but a couple of days later she asked me to join her at her sister’s party. After that we went out quite a lot. We used to get lots of jokes about old-fashioned courting and all that but it didn’t matter until, one day after I’d had a particularly bad night. I was complete wreck and the kids knew it. They played up until in the end I completely lost it and ended up screaming at them as loud as I could. It worked, they shut up, trouble is so did everyone else within earshot, Kelly was one of them. I remember she came running in through the classroom door like the school was on fire. She just stood there looking at me until, thankfully, the bell rang and I dismissed the class. Once they were gone I don’t remember much other than sinking in a heap on the floor. Next thing I remember was waking up in a strange room with Kelly mopping my forehead.

“We spent all evening and night talking until I couldn’t talk anymore. I fell asleep exhausted and for the first time in three years there was no nightmare. When I woke up she was still there and she’s been there ever since Hutch. We got married about a year later. I was worried about the age difference to start with, she can give me ten years easily, but now I don’t think about it. Then our son came along and I insisted on naming him Kenneth after you. We had our first real row over that. She said I was finally getting over you and now here I was reminding me of you every time I spoke my son’s name. I told her that it was a promise we had made and I had no intentions of breaking it, even if you knew nothing about it.”

Hutch thought back to the time when Terry had died. In the long days after they had spent all night talking and it was one of those times that the two partners had promised each other to name their first son after each other. Hutch had never had that chance, he had married himself to his work. He was taken aback to think that Starsky had kept the promise despite them being apart for so long.

“I think I’d like to meet my namesake real soon Starsky. Thank you, for remembering, for caring.”

“Never stopped buddy…never stopped.” Starsky made to go to the door. “You’ll like Kelly Hutch, she’s a lot like you, good with the mother hen impression. Some nights I still need her, when I’ve overdone it with the school kids or it’s just been too long a day the nightmares still come. But it’s easier now, Kelly’s always there to calm me down, bring me round. I don’t know what I’d have done without her Hutch.” So saying Starsky opened the door and went through.

Kelly rose slowly from her position on guard of the door; worriedly she scanned her husband’s face for a sign. She had been ready to fight her husband’s corner if need be against this blond icon who had caused so many sleepless nights, who had pushed Starsky to the edge of oblivion. Instead, seeing the smile in those ivory blue eyes looking back at her she visibly relaxed and moved to stand in front of him. Kissing him long and hard she said simply, “I’m glad Dave, so very glad.”

“So am I Kel, I didn’t think I’d get a second chance but I have. Come on; let me introduce you properly to the best friend a guy ever had. Just don’t listen to him when he gets going on old girlfriends, you can’t believe a word of it.” Together he and Kelly walked back into the office where Hutch was waiting. His emotions were still on a roller coaster but the ride was slowly coming to an end and he felt exhausted. It would take a long while for him to fully grasp the implications of the story Starsky had just told him but one thing he was certain of. Starsky hadn’t left that day because of anything he had done or said. He had left because he loved him and because he needed Hutch to carry on, for both of them, to become the best cop he could. He had done that, or so he thought. He had made it to Captain of his own precinct and he had earned the respect of those officers in his charge. He was proud of that but a part of him ached for what ‘might have been’ if it had never happened, If Gunther had never interfered.

“Hutch, I’d like you to meet Kelly.” Starsky seemed almost shy as he introduced his wife. Hutch’s thoughts were immediately driven back to another day, another woman who had meant so much to his partner. This is Terry Hutch; we’re getting married. Again the if-onlys began to rise and Hutch shook himself, forcing them away, back to the past where they belonged. This was now and Kelly stood in front of him with her arm around Starsky’s waist. It was obvious to all how much they meant to each other and Hutch found himself liking this woman who had replaced him.

“Hi. I… I’m sorry. It was a shock. I’d… like to start again…if that’s ok with you that is.” Hutch felt suddenly unsure of his position and his stuttering was back. Glancing at Starsky he could see the other man grinning back. Kelly was grinning too.

“It’s me who should be apologizing Hutch. Dave always said I was a bit like a tiger when I fight for my family. Now I know you’re no longer the potential meal I promise to put the claws away. I’ve heard so much about you over the past twenty years I’d like to find out just who this superman Dave has gone on about is really like.” Laughing now Kelly stood on tiptoe and kissed Hutch on the cheek. As she did so she quietly whispered in his ear, “Thank you, for David.”

For a second Hutch just stood there then the door was flung open behind them and the Starsky children threw themselves through the door, shouting at one another.

“It’s not fair, just because you’re the youngest and you’re a girl, everyone always falls for those puppy dog eyes of yours. Dad tell her it’s not fair will ya.” Starsky strode across to the two youngsters pushing his way between the two of them and ducking the arms that they were swinging trying unsuccessfully to hit each other.

“Will you two quiet down. NOW!” Instantly the shouting and fighting stopped but the Starsky offspring continued to glare at each other from either side of their father. “What’s this all about anyway, and it had better be good or I’ll tan both your hides behaving like hooligans in public, especially in a police station of all places. What are you trying to do, get yourselves locked up for the night for breach of the peace?” Starsky’s eyes sparked angrily and the youngsters knew they had over stepped the mark by a long way.

“Sorry Dad, I didn’t mean… It’s just… Oh what’s the use…I didn’t want it anyway.” Kenneth Starsky looked down at the floor and began to fiddle with his jeans pocket. Starsky looked at his daughter for an explanation knowing it would be truthful. These two may fight like cats and dogs but they stood by each other when it mattered and where their father was concerned that was always.

“It was as much my fault as Kenny’s dad, I’m sorry. Millie gave us some cookies and there was an odd number. We both wanted the last one and I pulled the hang-dog look Mum’s always on about. You know, when she says I look just like you when you want something you shouldn’t have? Anyway Millie fell for it and she gave me the cookie. I’m sorry, I could have broken it in half and then we could have shared and neither of us would be in trouble.” Rachael stood looking at her father. There were tears in her eyes but she was determined to stand her ground.

“Do you believe these guys? Fighting over a cookie of all things! How many times do I have to tell you about fighting each other anyway, I oughta…” Starsky stopped in mid flow. Behind him he could hear stifled giggles that were gradually becoming louder until it turned to full laughter. Looking over his shoulder he could see Hutch and Kelly holding on to each other for support as they laughed out loud. Starsky stood watching on incredulously. “What kind of an example is that to show your children Kelly Starsky? It’s no wonder these two are so undisciplined with the kind of example your showing them. I oughta…”

The children never found out what exactly their father ‘oughta.’ Suddenly he was laughing too. The youngsters just stood and watched as the three adults laughed themselves silly, clinging to each other for support. As the laughing began to stop the youngsters looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. “Adults,” they said in unison at which the laughing broke out all over again.

From outside of the door Millie could hear the laughter and it made her smile. Tom Anderson, standing next to her, could only stare at the door in disbelief. This was a sound he never thought possible from his Captain’s office. True Captain Ken Hutchinson was a fair man. He had earned the respect of his men by example and a willingness to ‘muck in’ and he would back them to the hilt if the situation called for it. Even if it meant going out on a limb for them, as it often did. He could also be a hard man if he was crossed, as many a criminal had found. Always though he was responsible and never had anyone ever heard the kind of laughter that emanated from behind the closed door. He looked at Millie for some kind of explanation and she looked at him with understanding, and a little pity. Poor Tom wouldn’t know what hit him if Starsky stayed for a while. Knowing Tom needed some explanation she gave the only one that made any sense to herself.

“It’s ok Tom. The ‘Me and Thee’ team are back together again, and it’s been long overdue.” So saying she reached for a phone and dialing she waited patiently for an answer. When it came she spoke quietly into the receiver. “Mrs. Dobey, it’s Millie at the precinct. Tell the Captain it worked. The world’s back on an even keel, at least for a little while.” Hanging up the phone she left the squadroom, humming quietly to herself.

 

SAD TIMES, HAPPY TIMES

CHAPTER ONE–TOGETHER AGAIN

Hutch wandered into the restaurant looking around for signs of Huggy Bear. He spotted him leaning at the bar drinking a beer and passing the time chatting to the young barmaid. He approached in time to hear Huggy sadly muttering something about “ten years ago even and I’da had you eating out of my hand.”

“Losing your touch Hug!” Hutch slapped his friend on the back and sat down on the barstool next to him. “Can I get you something?”

“Hey man, you trying to completely destroy my reputation or something? Drinking with the Captain of Police in the hours of daylight would totally ruin my street cred my friend.” Huggy grinned and raised his empty glass to the barmaid. “Two cold beers if you please young lady.”

“Waiting for their drinks to be poured Huggy turned to give Hutch his full attention. “Well my friend, and what’s so important that I had to dress up in this fancy gear and meet you here. What’s wrong with ‘The Pits’ all of a sudden?”

“Nothing wrong with it Huggy but I can’t take my guests to it, they’re a little young for that.” So saying Hutch rose and indicated a pair of children sitting at a table across the room. “Care to join us for lunch?”

Huggy rose, and giving Hutch a curious look as he picked up his drink, he followed him across the room. Before they reached the table Hutch turned and took Huggy’s glass from his hand. “Don’t want you to spill this my friend it’ll play havoc with the material in that suit.” Huggy had no time to react as Hutch swiftly moved off again.

Stopping in front of the table Huggy looked down at the children in front of him. The two children sat side by side silently contemplating the floor. The young girl looked up and giggled to herself. “Yep! You’re Huggy Bear. No one else could dress like that and get away with it!”

“Cheeky madam! You need to learn some manners young lady.” Huggy had instantly bristled and raised his hand as if to smack the girl around the cheek. Instantly the young boy rose and faced Huggy, his eyes flashed their anger as he spoke, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I might not like it!”

 

CHAPTER TWO–LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

Huggy’s hand dropped as instantly as it had risen. A shiver of deja vu ran down his spine as the boy’s eyes held him transfixed. The years flew away and suddenly Huggy was twenty years younger and standing in his bar. An over-sized drunk was trying to persuade one of ‘his girls’ to go on a date but the girl had other ideas. Things were beginning to get nasty and he was on his way round to tell the guy to leave when another customer rose from his seat and came over, pushing his way between the two. Leaning over the bar the newcomer asked for a drink. The drunk grabbed the man by the shoulder and roughly spun him around. “You’re in my way pal. Move it.”

The newcomer had stayed exactly where he was, grinning at the guy in front of him who stood a good foot taller than he was.

“You need to learn some manners buddy,” and the drunk lifted his clenched fist to strike. The younger man moved so fast that Huggy hardly saw him. Grabbing the drunk by his ear the stranger had glared into his face and the violet blue eyes had flashed as angrily as the ones Huggy was now looking at. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I might not like it!” Even the words were the same.

Huggy sank slowly into a chair still looking at the young boy in front of him. Hutch sat down next to him and returning his drink to him said, “Here, you look like you could do with this.”

Huggy wasted no time in downing the beer and his hands shook as he replaced the glass on the table.

Glancing at Hutch he could see his old friend smiling at him, obviously enjoying his discomfort. Huggy looked from the boy to the girl and then back again. The girl was smiling, her head slightly to the side, her big brown eyes, looking remarkably like a puppy, stared back at him. The boy still glared, his arm defensively around the girl, looking ready to defend her again should the need arise. Huggy took in the dark, curly hair and the flashing violet blue eyes and it was then that the realization hit.

“Oh my God! Starsky! Hutch it can’t be…can it? It has to be though. No one else has those eyes except…”

“Except me maybe.” Huggy spun around, and for a moment his whole world kept spinning. Hutch made a grab for one arm and the owner of the voice caught the other. Together they slowly lowered Huggy back into the chair from which he had sprung.

“Hi Huggy, good to see you too. I hope you weren’t really going to hit my daughter… were you? Her mother and I really wouldn’t like it… and neither would her brother.” Starsky was struggling to maintain a straight face as he looked at his old friend.

Huggy sat, for once lost for words, as his eyes flicked from one to the other. His brain didn’t trust what his eyes were telling him. There in front of him stood Starsky. Alongside of him stood Hutch, and both were looking at him with the kind of a face he had often seen them use on their informers and petty criminals. The faces were a lot older of course, both carried lines around the eyes and Hutch was carrying a little more weight than he had back then but it was definitely ‘them’… the ‘Me and Thee’ team.

“Do you believe this guy Hutch? Threatens to hit my kid then refuses to say anything in his own defense, somebody should call a cop or something.” Starsky was looking at his former partner with a gleam in his eye that Huggy was unable to see. “Hey Kelly, what do you reckon, we call a cop and get this jerk locked up or what?”

“Can we do that Hutch? Get him locked up I mean. For the sake of any other defenseless kids in this city.”

Kelly Starsky was playing her part with conviction.

She and Starsky had been watching the scenario unfold from the opposite side of the room and when Huggy had raised his hand it was all she could do to stay where she was and not rush to her children’s side. She had felt her husband tense a little too and quietly wondered what would have happened to old friendships if their son hadn’t played his part so well. When Kenneth Starsky had risen to face the man in front of him she had actually felt sorry for the guy. He really was his father’s son and no mistake. Now, watching her husband and Hutch as they worked together, she began to understand just a little of how this partnership had once worked and she could finally accept her husband’s desperate need to put things right between them.

She had always thought of Starsky as a fair and kind man who loved his family dearly and would do whatever was necessary to look after them. She had watched and stood by him as he fought to make his life, to forge a new career and to rebuild his shattered body. It had been a long hard struggle but he had never given up, working at it with such tenacity that it had earned him the respect of his colleagues and doctors and the love of her immediate family and a small circle of friends. Always though there had seemed a piece out of place, a ‘missing link’ that made her husband whole. Now, suddenly, the piece was there, and it had been there ever since the two men in front of her and left the office at the Metro precinct the previous evening. It had been a difficult journey but they had made it together.

The tableau was finally broken when snorts of laughter broke from the two children sitting watching the scene as it played out.

“Dad, stop it, Huggy looks like he thinks you’re serious and I want to try one of his famous specials you are always on about. Can’t do that if you get him locked up can I?” Rachael Starsky was looking at Huggy Bear with pity. She had been on the end of her father’s wicked sense of humor before but somehow, since Ken Hutchinson had appeared on the scene, he had become better at it. Hutch was pretty good too. No wonder these two had been such good cops.

“Yeah Dad, you promised us a ‘Huggy Special’ and a trip around town, in that order.” Young Kenneth Starsky was eager to learn more about the place where his father had spent so many years.

He had eavesdropped occasionally in the early days, times when his dad had come in from the school so tired he could hardly stand. The noises in the night from the room next to his had told him of the nightmare his dad was having. It was only at these times when Starsky talked of his life as a cop, of his partner, of the many times they had cheated death at the hands of some maniac. He had heard about Vic Bellamy and his poison and how Hutch hadn’t given up looking for the antidote even when everyone else said it was too late. He knew too about Terry and how she had been killed. He had heard the fear in his father’s voice when he had finally let go of the tortured memories of Gunther and his goons. And he had heard him cry for the loss of his friendship with Hutch. That, he knew, was what hurt his father the most of all and he was glad that somehow they had managed to put everything behind them and start again. Watching the two of them together he knew that this was a special friendship and he hoped with all of his young heart that he would find such a friend one day.

Starsky looked at his children and smiled a loving smile that spoke volumes of what his family meant to him. Huggy Bear was suddenly very glad indeed that he hadn’t carried out his threat, somehow he didn’t think that he would have survived the wrath of either Starsky parent.

“Hey Huggy, good to see ya, been a long time buddy, a long time.” Starsky placed a hand on Huggy’s shoulder as he spoke and gently squeezed. Huggy could see the shining of unshed tears blinked back behind long eyelashes and knew he was having a similar problem. They stood for a second or two just taking each other in, the changes that the years had brought to each. The spell was finally broken by Kelly Starsky. Moving to stand beside Hutch she said, “I don’t know about you guys but Hutch and I came here to eat. The kids and I haven’t eaten since breakfast and we’re starving so what say we eat and you guys can catch up on all the news over dinner?”

Sitting at the table Huggy looked in disbelief as Starsky ordered steak and salad, even Hutch looked mildly surprised. “I don’t believe what I’m seeing here man, Starsky ordering ‘proper food,’ no garnishes, chili peppers or the like?” Huggy was unable to hold back on his curiosity.

For a brief second Starsky froze and his fist clenched as he controlled the hand that was shaking slightly. Kelly and Hutch exchanged worried glances and Kelly quietly covered the trembling fist with a gentle hand.

“Dave watches what he eats these days Huggy, that’s why he still has a waist I can get my arms around.” She looked long and hard at the black man in front of her defying him to delve deeper.

“It’s ok Kel, I’m fine.” Taking a deep breath Starsky lifted his head and looked from Hutch to Huggy. “I have to watch what I eat these days Hug, since Gunther’s boys rearranged my insides they can get a little temperamental at times if I’m not careful. Still… it does have its advantages.” So saying he reached across and pinched the small roll of flesh which hung over Huggy’s trousers.

The atmosphere, which had become tense for a while, now lightened and the little group spent the rest of their meal exchanging banter. Huggy ‘picked up’ on small things that had occurred to his friend over the years from the conversation, but it was the way Starsky acted which was most telling. He would catch the occasional glance that Starsky threw towards Hutch, sensing rather than seeing the fear that seemed to be there. He noted also that Kelly sat like a snake ready to strike, always close to her husband, never further away than her arm could reach. It was clear that coming back had been a difficult decision for Starsky.

Unable to contain his curiosity any longer he finally turned to look directly at Starsky.

“So stranger what finally brought you here, like you said, it’s been a long time?”

 

CHAPTER THREE–UNPAID DEBTS

Starsky briefly glanced at Kelly and Hutch followed the eyes just in time to see the almost imperceptible nod that was the answer.

“I promised the kids I’d take them shopping when we’d eaten. If we leave now we can be finished in time to meet you and Hutch for coffee about three. We’ll get a cab and meet you at the precinct.” Kelly leant forward to kiss her husband. “Take care,” and so saying she and the children left the three friends together.

Starsky took a deep breath. “I came back because of a letter from Millie.”

“Well there I was thinking you had come to see me! I don’t get it Starsk, what could Millie have possibly said to make you travel the distance you did?” Hutch was incredulous.

Starsky could almost feel the hurt in Hutch. He knew he had to be careful how he worded what he wanted to say or their friendship could be set right back to yesterday.

“I’ve wanted to come for so long Hutch that it hurt. I used to lie awake wondering how I could make things right between us but never quite being brave enough to try. That was until Millie’s last letter. It wasn’t her letter exactly, she’d just added a note to the top so I’d read it.” Taking a deep breath he added, “The letter was from Captain Dobey’s wife Hutch.”

“Mrs. Dobey. I don’t get it. Why would she write to you?”

“You mean you really don’t know?” Starsky seemed unsure now of how to continue.

“No, I don’t know! What the hell’s going on that you think I should know Starsk?” Hutch was having trouble keeping his voice down. “The last I heard Dobey and his wife were happily retired and living in their cottage up by the lake. I haven’t seen him for about six months.”

“He’s dying Hutch. Cancer. According to his wife he’s got maybe a coupla weeks left!” Starsky almost whispered the last few words. “It seems Dobey has always blamed himself that I left, thinks he could have done more to help. Now he’s dying and he wants to see the two of us before it’s too late….”

Starsky looked his former partner in the eye. “He wants to see us Hutch, together. I couldn’t deny him that, not after the years we spent together. He was like a father to us Hutch, how could I? Finally I had a reason other than my own state of mind to make an effort. To put things right, get the world back on an even keel again before it was too late. My only regret is that it took me so long, and something so damn unfair to do it.”

For a long while no one spoke. The look of distress on Hutch’s face told Starsky that this was the first he knew about his former captain’s illness. He wished he could have made the telling easier but he had always told things as they were, disliking what he called ‘soapy scenes.’ Even so he wished it had been someone other than himself who had told Hutch this particular information. Dobey had been like a father to them by the time of that fateful shooting. He had never fully understood the depth of their friendship or how it worked, almost telepathically. He had known though that when one partner hurt so did the other, if one was in trouble the other would move heaven and earth to help, and if one was injured then Lord help the criminal that suffered the wrath of the other partner. Starsky had found out from Millie, almost a year to the day he had disappeared, that Dobey secretly considered them as ‘his boys.’ When he had read the letter from Mrs. Dobey Starsky knew he couldn’t turn his back on it.

“He wants to see us Hutch, you and me, one last time before it’s too late.” Starsky looked hard at his friend and for a while it was as though Huggy wasn’t there. “I’m going the day after tomorrow, I kinda hoped you’d arrange for someone to cover for you and come with me. We owe Dobey a lot Hutch. I ain’t about to let him down.”

The three friends sat for a moment, each deep in their own thoughts. Then Hutch rose and, reaching in to his pocket, pulled out some notes and dropped them on the table. Glancing at his partner he softly spoke, “That should just about cover the bill Starsk, what say we get out of here and get back to the station. I’ve got a lot of paperwork to get through if we’re gonna get away on time.” So saying Hutch strode from the restaurant.

 

CHAPTER FOUR–A LONG JOURNEY

Thirty-six hours later Starsky and Hutch found themselves on the freeway heading for the Dobey’s cottage. Little was said as they were both lost in their own thoughts. Hutch was driving and Starsky stared out of the passenger window. It had taken some organizing but Hutch had arranged for emergency cover at the station and, after they heard his reasons for wanting it, his superiors had agreed to three weeks compassionate leave. Hutch had quietly been grateful that Dobey was remembered with respect and affection amongst many of his more senior officers. He doubted otherwise that they would have been so forthcoming. Rolling his stiffening shoulders he glanced across to see Starsky watching him.

“Well?” he shot out as he returned his eyes to the road ahead. It unnerved him a little to see his former partner sitting in the car next to him and memories threatened to engulf him of times long ago when they had spent three quarters of their days like this. The only difference was it would usually be Starsky driving the Torino. His old rust bucket of a car had been good for traveling to and from but in the speed of a pursuit the Torino was far superior both in speed and reliability. With Starsky at the wheel it was often an unbeatable combination, as many a crook had discovered on trying unsuccessfully to out run them. After Gunther though the Torino had been consigned to the garage where it had remained for a long while before being sold. Hutch remembered the way Starsky had broken into a cold sweat the only time he saw it after leaving hospital and he had personally taken charge of having Merle collect it and sell it. He had put the money into Starsky’s account and the Torino was never mentioned again. Hutch knew though that medical bills had gradually eaten up the money.

“For goodness sake Starsk! Will you stop staring at me? I’m trying to concentrate here. You got something to say then spit it out. Otherwise look out the window or something will you.”

Starsk visibly shook himself at this. “Sorry Hutch, didn’t realize I was staring. I was miles away I guess.” Starsky spoke apologetically and Hutch realized that Starsky had been having his memories too. “How much further we got to go anyway? I’ve kinda lost track we’ve been going so long.”

Hutch glanced at his watch. “We’ve got about another hour’s driving still. Want to stop for coffee or something?”

Starsky hated to admit it but he was feeling the strain of the journey, both physically and emotionally. He hadn’t allowed for the feelings of anger and regret that were washing over him as he watched Hutch drive. He’d thought he was over all that, but sitting next to Hutch he realized that they had only been buried in the deepest regions of his memories. Physically too he needed to get out and stretch his cramped body so he agreed to the coffee. Hutch pulled into a small diner and both men got out.

Walking to the booth at the back they ordered coffee and sat down. Starsky looked out of the window to where Hutch’s car stood. “Glad to see you finally got yourself a car that goes Blintz. That old rust bucket of yours finally fall to bits completely?”

Hutch smirked. “Yeah, I finally traded it in for a dustbin, just like you said I would.” At this remark Starsky laughed as Hutch continued, “I had to get something a little more respectable, not to mention reliable. Dobey said I’d never convince the board about a promotion if I kept the old one so I saved up a little, borrowed some money from my mother and brought that.”

“You borrowed from your mother!” Starsky was incredulous. “How is the old dragon these days anyway, she never did like me did she?”

“That’s not strictly true Starsk. She just thought you were a bad influence that’s all, and she was right too, you were.” Hutch was laughing as well now. “For your information, the ‘Old Dragon’ as you so charmingly put it, is fine. A little older and a little wiser I’m glad to say but fine. We’ve gotten a lot closer since Dad died. What about your Ma, she still worrying about you?”

Starsky’s smiled slipped a little and he broke eye contact. “She died Hutch, about six years ago. She just wore herself out, went to sleep in her chair one night and never woke up. I really miss her you know. She used to drive me crazy with her constant worrying but I’d give anything to hear her voice one more time. She got to hold her grandchildren for a little while though before she died. I thank God that they knew her Hutch. She was so proud when Kenny was born. She understood why I insisted on him being Kenneth Michael and not the other way around. Kelly had to back down once Ma started. Then, when Rachael was born and we named her after her you’d have thought she’d won a fortune. She cried all through the baptism. Come to think of it, she cried all through my wedding too. I thought she was just doing her usual ‘mother’ routine, you know, but just before Kelly and I left she cornered me on my own. She told me she loved me and was proud of me. That meant so much… She also said she wished you had been there Hutch… So do I… I never had a best man Hutch; somehow it didn’t seem right. If it couldn’t be you then….” Starsky’s voice trailed off and he looked back at his friend.

Hutch suddenly felt very humble as he looked into the violet blue eyes that were shining with unshed tears in front of him. “I’m sorry Starsk, about your mother, she really was a special lady. I’ll always remember that it was her who gave me the most precious gift anyone could.”

Starsky looked questioningly at Hutch at this statement. “I don’t follow Hutch. What could my mother have ever given you that was so special?”

Hutch smiled shyly as he answered, “You Starsk. Your friendship, your love, your crazy childish sense of humor, your incredible sense of right and wrong, your whole being Starsk! Since I first got to know you there’s never been a selfish bone in your body. You kept me safe more times than I can remember. That’s why it was so difficult after you left. Suddenly it was like half of me was missing and I didn’t know what to do, how to go on. It was Dobey that pulled me round Starsk, with a little help from Huggy. He took me into his family, made me feel a part of it. Edith became like a second mother for a while. I’d have never have made it if it wasn’t for them. I owe them an awful lot.”

Reaching across the table that separated them Starsky took Hutch’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly. No words were necessary between them, each feeling the love and support flowing between them.

“What say we get going again as soon as I’ve phoned Kelly. Mrs. Dobey’s expecting us for tea and it wouldn’t be right to disappoint a lady now would it?” Starsky released the hand and left his seat. Hutch watched as he walked to the phone booth and he smiled to himself. The ‘Starsky walk’ was still there. Despite all this man had gone through he was still able to present a cocky, devil may care attitude in the way he moved. Hutch was still smiling some five minutes later when Starsky returned.

“Okay, buddy, what’s so funny?” Starsky quickly checked to make sure he wasn’t letting anything show that shouldn’t.

Hutch laughed out loud at this then very quietly he answered, “Nothing partner. It’s just great to have you back is all. I’ve really missed you.” So saying he rose and walked out of the diner with a slightly bemused Starsky following.

Somewhere along the final leg of the journey Starsky fell asleep and it only served to remind Hutch how his friend had the uncanny knack of being able to sleep anywhere. It had served him well on many a long stake out much to the annoyance of the blond who had trouble due to his long legs. For a moment he toyed with waking the slumbering man beside him. He changed his mind when he thought back to the hours of traveling Starsky had been doing, sooner or later it had to catch up with him so he may as well let him sleep while he could. Hutch quietly thought to himself that they had both traveled a long journey the last couple of days. He was eternally grateful that they had traveled it together. At the back of his mind a thought arose, unbidden and unwelcome, soon Starsky would have to go home and he would be left to travel on without him again.

 

CHAPTER FIVE–FRIENDSHIPS RENEWED

Hutch turned the car into the parking space outside of the Dobey’s cottage and switched off the engine. For a moment he chose to just sit and look at his partner as he slept, unwilling to disturb the other’s rest. Suddenly the door to the cottage opened and a beam of light fell on to the car lighting up the interior. Starsky groaned and turning his head promptly hit it on the side window. This made him groan even louder and slowly blink his eyes open. Hutch had a momentary picture of a ‘lost boy’ as Starsky blinked the sleep from his eyes.

“Hi sleepy head, welcome back.” So saying he opened his door and slammed it shut on purpose.

Ever so slowly Starsky unfolded his body and alighted from the car still rubbing his head. “Sorry Hutch, guess things caught up with me a little. I did try to stay awake.” He glanced sheepishly at his friend to see him grinning back and he slowly walked around the car to stand next to him. Together they turned to face the front door and the person standing there.

“Starky and Hutch, as I live and breathe. Where did you guys spring from? Both of you at that. I thought you’d vanished off the face of the earth Starsky. Man is it good to see you guys!” Rosie Dobey stood with her arms folded surveying the tired vision in front of her. Turning her head slightly she called into the cottage, “Hey Ma! Come take a look at what the cat dragged in.”

“Nice to see you too Rosie.” Hutch laughed and walked up the steps, slowly followed by Starsky. Reaching the young girl’s side he lowered his voice as he asked, “How’s things?”

Rosie turned and looked at him, matching her voice to his level. “Not good Hutch, not good. Mum’s being really strong but Dad gets weaker every day. I’m glad you both made it in time. The doctors think it’ll be a matter of days now.” So saying she moved aside and led the two men inside. Hutch followed her into the room but Starsky hung back, stopping just inside the door. He was suddenly unsure of himself, somehow he felt that he had no right to be here, and he had to force himself not to turn and run back to the car.

The years flashed away as he looked at Rosie. This young woman standing before him bore little resemblance to the little girl he remembered, the one he had played ball with and occasionally baby-sat for. This was a beautiful, grown up, confident woman whom he didn’t know. He didn’t know what to say to her and it scared him. He suddenly found himself wishing that his wife were beside him.

From across the room a door opened and an elderly woman walked through closing it softly behind her. Stopping by her daughter’s side she spoke to Hutch. “Thank you for coming Ken. You’ve no idea what this means to me.” Edith Dobey reached out her arms and took Hutch into them. For a moment they remained that way until Hutch turned slightly and Edith was able to see over his shoulder. “David, is that you?”

Releasing Hutch she almost ran across the room, stopping directly in front of him. “Millie said you were back, but I wasn’t sure you’d come. Oh David it’s so good to see you, we’ve missed you so much.”

Starsky could see the tears in the older woman’s eyes and knew they reflected his own. “I missed you too, I’m sorry I almost left it too late!”

“Shh, never mind all that. You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Harold’s asleep right know so how about I make us some coffee and sandwiches and you can bring me up to date with all your news. I want to hear all about your family.” So saying she gently led Starsky through into the small parlor and Hutch followed with Rosie. She gestured to one of the stools at the breakfast bar and Starsky sat down watching as she went from cupboard to cupboard, taking food, plates and mugs from them. In no time at all, or so it seemed to the hungry men, there were plates of sandwiches and cakes and a fresh pot of coffee in front of them. Picking up a tray she nodded to them to do the same and she led the way to the comfortable sofa behind them. Sitting down she looked at Starsky and Hutch standing side by side and she smiled. “You have no idea how good it is to see you two boys together again. Harold will be so pleased. Now Dave, come and sit next to me and let me see some photographs.” She patted the space next to her and Starsky moved to sit. Hutch perched precariously on the arm, allowing Rosie the other chair. Starsky took the photos he always carried from his wallet and laid them on the table for the women to look at.

They were the usual pictures any proud husband and father would carry of his wife and children but Hutch noticed another, slightly faded one, at the bottom and reached to pick it up just before Starsky. He was surprised to see that it was one of himself and his partner and looking at it he realized that it was the one missing from Starsky’s apartment all those years ago. Looking at his friend he suddenly realized that Starsky hadn’t left him behind on that day. He had taken him with him in the only way he could and he had kept him close to his heart all of these years. Oh God Starsk and all these years I thought you didn’t care, that I’d somehow driven you away. If only I’d known I would never have stopped looking for you. Somehow I’d have found you. Quietly he handed the picture back to his friend. Again he found himself cursing Gunther for the damage he had done and for the pain he had caused his friend. Starsky took the picture and, casting a swift glance at Hutch, he returned it to this wallet.

The four old friends spent some time just talking and eating and talking some more until finally Starsky felt confident enough to broach the subject he and Hutch really wanted to hear about. Taking a deep breath he turned to Edith and asked, “Is it true, about Cap’n Dobey I mean. Is he really as bad as Millie said?”

Edith Dobey’s eyes clouded a little and she reached across and took Starsky’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry David it is true. He has advanced lung cancer and the doctors say it’s only a matter of time now. He’s not in any pain, they keep him drugged up to make sure, but it makes him sleep so much. Every now and then he won’t take them but he always ends up suffering for it so I try to convince him it’s better that he does. The nurse comes in three times a day to help me bathe him and everything and of course Rosie and Cal are wonderful. I don’t know what I’d do without them.” She stopped speaking and looked at her daughter.

“Cal will be here in the morning you can say hello to him then.”

“Dad so wants to see you guys again. It will be a lovely surprise when he wakes up,” Rosie took over for her mother. “I think I should warn you though that he’s lost an awful lot of weight, he’s definitely not the man you remember Dave.” At this Starsky’s face colored and his eyes dropped to the floor. Rosie hurriedly spoke again. “I’m sorry Dave, I didn’t mean that to sound like it did. I was just trying to warn you both. My father is nearly eighty years old now and this illness has affected him so much that it’s hard sometimes even for me to recognize him and that’s an awful thing for any daughter to have to admit. I just remember that he’s still the dad I love underneath it all. That’s what you’ll have to do when you see him, remember the Captain Dobey you once knew.”

Edith stared at the door from which she had earlier come. “He should be awake now, he usually wakes in time to see the sun go down over the lake. I’ll go and tell him you’re here.” So saying she rose and made to the door. She stopped as she reached it and turned to the others. “He’s waited so long for this, now he can let go and be at peace.” So saying she opened the door and stepped through.

Starsky and Hutch stared at each other. Then Hutch turned to the young woman and asked, “What exactly does she mean by that Rosie?”

Rosie looked from one man to the other and thought for a moment before answering. Finally she felt ready to speak. “The letter Mum sent you Dave. It was Dad’s wish that before he died he could somehow help to make things right between you two. After the shooting, while you were still in the hospital, he knew you would never be able to go back on the streets. The doctors had made that pretty clear. He kept trying to think of new ways to keep you both together but he knew he couldn’t do it. Then he worried about how you’d both react to Hutch having a new partner and you having to watch every day from behind a desk as they went out on the streets. He could never quite see it working though. I used to hear him say to Mum that he’d lost two good cops that day and he felt so helpless not being able to sort it out. Then you left and it was so abrupt that for a while all this family thought about was keeping Hutch going, being there for him, offering support. We watched as he almost fell apart in front of our eyes and Dad knew he had to do something. So, he pushed Hutch as hard as he could, every difficult case he could find, and when the cases eased he pushed him into the lieutenant exams. Then he pushed again when the promotions came up and he was rewarded with Hutch pulling his life slowly back together but Dad knew that there would always be a part of Hutch missing. He used to call it the mirror side; Hutch had lost a part of what made him whole if you like. He knew too that wherever you were the same was probably true and he desperately wanted to put that right, find you and somehow get you back together, bang your heads together if he had to. Then about a month ago Millie came by and Dad told her about his wish. She never said a word to him but afterwards she told Mum that she could contact you so Mum wrote the letter and we both prayed that you’d get it in time. Mum said she knew you would come if you knew how ill Dad was that’s why she didn’t leave anything out in the letter. She was so sure of you Dave. She said that the Dave Starsky she knew would never turn his back on someone who needed help. I’m so glad she was right. Now he can stop fighting so hard and die with a little dignity.” Rosie was clinging to the back of her chair now; the tears streaming down her face.

Starsky looked at her and suddenly she was the little girl again. The one he had sat with at night playing secret games with when she was supposed to be asleep but was afraid of the storm or the dark. The one who shared his passion for ice cream and peanut butter and the one who he had helped to learn to write and use all the everyday objects that made life difficult for a left handed person in a right-handed world. He was at her side in two strides and he held her firmly as she sobbed her heart out, allowing all her grief and pain to escape with the flow of tears.

 

CHAPTER SIX–WORDS OF WISDOM

Hutch quietly moved away towards the door through which Edith had gone some minutes before. Quietly he turned the handle and stepped inside, unsure that he was ready to see his old captain and friend quite yet but knowing he needed to give Starsky and Rosie some privacy. For a moment he held back but Edith had seen him come in and was speaking quietly to her husband. “Harold you’ve got a visitor, he’ll be staying with us for a few days.” So saying she beckoned for Hutch to come forward as she gently raised her husband’s head and propped him up on the pillows.

Hutch slowly made his way across the room to stand beside the bed and he was forced to take a firm hold on his emotions as he looked at the person in front of him. The man he had last seen some six months ago was nowhere in sight. Instead he was greeted with a shrunken being whose cheeks had all but disappeared. The eyes, though still bright, were sunken into the head and a grey pallor had replaced the once rosy face. Hutch’s heart ached for his friend and family.

Swallowing hard he spoke as quietly as he had heard Edith do a few seconds ago. “Hi Cap, how you doing?” Stupid question Hutchinson, how do you think he’s doing? He’s dying for God’s sake! “Thought I’d drop by and say hello.”

The man in the bed smiled slightly as he looked at his visitor. “Hi yourself Hutch. Sorry I can’t get up.” He stretched out a wafer thin hand and Hutch grasped it firmly in his hand. “Good to see you again. How’s things back at the shop, you keeping those youngsters in order?”

“I’m doing my best Cap. Now I know what it was like for you. Man did you put up with some things from me and Starsky! Remember the pizza delivery service? At least no one’s tried that one on me yet.” Hutch looked at Dobey and grinned. “Mind you, young Tom Anderson has potential for pranks if I don’t keep him busy. He has the same uncanny knack of dreaming up crazy childish stunts that my partner did.”

Dobey was chuckling quietly now. “No one could equal your partner for stunts around the precinct Hutch. Things were awfully quite and ‘normal’ after… Sorry … I didn’t mean to open old wounds.” The older man was looking hard at the man standing in front of him. “It still hurts doesn’t it, that he left the way he did? I’ve thought about it a lot, especially just lately. I think now that Starsky was right. He loved you like a brother Hutch and it would have destroyed you both to be constantly reminded that you weren’t a pair anymore. Sooner or later you would have both left and then what? What else would you have done? You were a damn good cop then and you’re a damn good police captain now. Starsky gave you your freedom Hutch, your life. If I could see him again, just one more time, I’d shake his hand and thank him for being so brave, for walking away even though it must have broken his heart. I pray every night that he survived it Hutch, that he made it through without you.” Dobey fell silent as he made an effort to fill his wasted lungs with air and Hutch stood quietly by waiting. He knew there was more to come. “I haven’t got long Hutch and I want you to know something before it’s too late. You and Starsky were like sons to me. You were the best in the department and I was so proud of both of you. There were times that I was scared for you both too. Times when one or the other was in the hospital fighting to live and I knew that if one didn’t make it I’d lose the other one. I used to envy you your friendship, the way you never gave up on each other. Remember Bellamy and his poison, and when you crashed your car on that mountain? I do, I remember watching you both tear yourselves apart to find the answers. It was like one wouldn’t allow the other to go, it was against the rules of ‘Me and Thee.’ Then along came Gunther and suddenly the rules couldn’t apply anymore. Trouble is, only Starsky realized it. As usual he put you first, but than he always did Hutch didn’t he? It must have taken so much courage to walk away that day, to turn his back on everything you and he had and face his future alone. I’d give anything to know he made it.”

“He made it Cap, he made it,” Hutch answered in the same quiet voice that Dobey had been using. His heart was aching for the man in the bed and he knew that the tears were just below the surface. He mentally shook himself. For a guy who won’t see fifty again you’re doing a lot of crying these days Hutchinson!

“I wish I could be as sure as you about that Hutch, I really do. I’d be able to face the man upstairs with a clear conscience if I was sure.”

Neither man had heard the door open or the silent approach of two others into the room. Rosie Dobey came to the foot of her father’s bed and smiled tenderly at the man in front of her. “Ken is right Dad, Dave made it.” So saying she indicated to a figure standing out of sight behind Hutch. “He’s come to see you Dad.”

Harold Dobey’s eyes followed his daughter’s gaze as Hutch moved to stand to one side. Starsky was standing, a little nervously, waiting for the older man to see him. When at last the eyes focused he grinned his lop-sided grin and stepped forward. “Hi Cap, good to see you, it’s been too long.”

Starsky had prepared himself for the sight of his former Captain and he held his ground as Harold Dobey stared back at him.

Harold Dobey held out a thin and shaking hand to the former detective. Starsky stepped up to take the hand with both of his. For a moment their eyes remained locked and then Dobey pulled Starsky into a hug. When at last he released him everyone in the room was smiling. Starsky pulled at the hem of his jacket as though to straighten it. Still grinning he said, “Gee Cap, I didn’t know you cared!”

Dobey looked straight at him as he quietly answered, “I care Starsky, I care. Always did and always will.”

The next couple of hours were spent with Starsky telling the Dobeys what had happened to him over the last twenty years. When he came to the bit about Kelly and how she had stood by him throughout everything Dobey glanced at Hutch. Starsky had been extremely lucky he thought to have met someone else so like Hutch. It was a shame the same could not be said for Hutch. He quietly wondered how Hutch would take it when Starsky went back to his home and they had to say goodbye again. This time he wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces. He came back to the conversation around him just in time to here Starsky tell of Millie’s encounter with the youngest Starsky member.

“Show Dad the photos Dave. Let him see what a lovely family you’ve got.” Rosie was watching her father with intensity; she could see he was tiring.

Once again Starsky removed the pictures from his wallet, this time being sure not to bring the one of himself and Hutch with them. Dobey smirked when he saw the one of Starsky’s son. “There’s no way you could deny that one even if you wanted to.” His eyes began to droop and the picture dropped from his grasp. Rosie instantly picked it up and, passing it to Starsky, she spoke to them both. “Dad’s tired now, what say we let him rest and you can come back later.” She made as though to lead them through the door but a movement from the bed stopped her.

“Starsky, you stay, I’d like a word on our own.” Dobey pointed to the chair beside the bed.

A look of surprise passed between Starsky and Hutch, which was not missed by Rosie. She motioned Hutch from the room but not before telling her father not to talk for long, he needed his rest. Outside the door she put her hand on Hutch’s arm. “Don’t look so surprised Ken, Dad said his goodbye to you, now it’s Dave’s turn.” So saying she crossed the room to the couch and sat next to her mother, silent tears falling like pearl drops down her face.

Starsky sat quietly and patiently in the chair, waiting for his former captain to recover enough strength to speak. He had seen death in many guises and it was with sadness and certainty that he knew it would not be long before he saw it again. He was glad that he had found the courage to come here.

Dobey turned his head towards him and slowly opened his eyes. “I thank you Dave for coming. I’ve thought of you often over the years, gone over the day you left in my mind so many times. I kept thinking that I should have seen it coming, that I should have done something to prevent it. Listening to you I know now that there was nothing anyone could have done. In fact if anyone had brought you back it would never have worked Dave. It would have slowly destroyed you to see Hutch out on the streets without you. You made the right choice, the only choice under the circumstances, and it was a brave one too. I’m glad things worked out for you. Never thought I’d see the day that David Starsky was a dad, lovely feeling isn’t it. One thing Starsky, you never stop worrying about them, even when you can’t see them. They can make you feel so many things, I hope yours make you as proud as you and Hutch made me.” So saying his eyes closed again.

For a moment Starsky sat there unable to trust himself not to break down. He realized just how lucky he had been over the last few days. Somehow he and Hutch had managed to talk through all of the bad feeling and anger and their friendship was almost fully restored. Almost but not quite, Starsky still felt that Hutch was watching him, not quite relaxed with him. Now he had just heard first hand how much they had meant to the man lying in the bed. During their time at the Metro Starsky and Hutch had nothing but respect for their Captain. As the years had gone on this respect had grown into some kind of friendship and the two had become part of an extended Dobey family. He hadn’t realized though exactly how much that meant until a few minutes ago.

Checking that his friend was asleep Starsky quietly rose and left the room. Edith Dobey rose to meet him and she smiled at him as she passed him to take his place at her husband’s bedside. Starsky sat down next to Rosie and no one spoke. Words seemed unnecessary now. The hours passed and sometime in the evening Cal Dobey came in. He seemed unsurprised to see the visitors, simply moving across to be with his sister, who rested her head on his shoulder. Somewhere in the night she fell asleep and it was this way that her mother found them when she finally left her husband’s bedside at three in the morning.

Starsky and Hutch rose with one accord and a look passed between them that had no need of words. Edith walked to stand in front of her children and she said simply, “It’s over, he’s gone.”

The three remaining Dobeys clung to each other in mutual support as Starsky and Hutch got up and quietly left the house.

 

FULL CIRCLE

CHAPTER ONE

The funeral had been a tremendous strain on both of their emotions and Starsky and Hutch had stood at the graveside lost in their own thoughts. The traditional gathering back at the cottage was proving even harder for them both. For Hutch the day had been a long one, having stood in the church and spoken of his former Captain. Edith had asked him the day after her husband had died and Hutch had felt hard pressed to say no. He had tried to keep his speech short and light but there were many people at the service who had known Dobey for many years, including those spent in the force, so it was almost inevitable that instances from this time were brought to the fore. He had had a hard job keeping his emotions in check and was glad when his speech was over and he could rejoin his partner in the seats directly behind the Dobey family.

Starsky was hurting inside. He had tried, for the sake of Rosie, to smother his emotions but he was finding it more and more difficult. They were mixed emotions of guilt, regret, sadness and, strangely Starsky thought, thankfulness and relief. Starsky desperately wanted to talk them through with someone but he couldn’t. The only two who would understand were Hutch, who was caught up in his own feelings of loss, and Kelly who was too far away. He had thought about phoning her but decided against it as being unfair, she had enough to do looking after Kenneth and Rachael. He had finally settled for a solitary walk around the lake to try and get his head straight but he was already on his second lap and things were no clearer.

He had stopped for a moment to take in the view of the mountains behind him when he heard footsteps coming up behind him. Half turning he was surprised to see Cal Dobey walking up towards him.

“Lovely view isn’t it? It was my Dad’s favorite. He used to go to sleep at night looking at it.”

Starsky nodded his agreement and made as if to continue. Cal came up next to him. “Mind if I join you for a while? I need to get away from the ‘mean-well-ers’. Starsky looked at him frowning as he did so and Cal laughed. “The crowd of Aunts and Uncles back there, all the people who ‘mean well’. I’ll be glad when they’ve all gone and we can be on our own again, just Mum, Rosie, me and you and Hutch. The family. At least what we feel is true, not some put on emotion that can be switched on and off at the flick of a switch. We’re the ones who will really miss him, not just today or tomorrow or next week, but for always.” Cal looked directly at Starsky. “I’m glad you came Dave, somehow it wouldn’t have been right without you here. You and Hutch were like older brothers to Rosie and me. Dad loved you both you know.”

“Yeh, I know, he told me that night, before he died. Hutch and I loved him too. Sometimes we had a strange way of showing it but we did. I wish now I could go back Cal… change things… not leaving, but going the way I did. I should have said something to him but I was scared he would talk me out of it and that wouldn’t have been right. For all our sakes I had to get away, but especially for Hutch.” Starsky was still looking at the mountains as he spoke, his emotions threatening to boil over. “Why do I get the feeling he was hanging on for us Cal? It was almost as though he had waited for us to arrive.”

“Probably because he did Dave.” Starsky had abruptly turned to face him at this, his mouth open and eyes wide. “Don’t look so surprised. We all knew it was only a matter of time. The doctors were amazed he had held on so long. We almost lost him about a week ago but Mum told him about her letter to you. She told him that he had to fight, hang on for you both to say goodbye. He did too and we were blessed with his presence for a little while longer. I don’t think he could have held on much longer though Dave, his breathing was getting harder all the time and he hadn’t eaten for days.” Cal continued to watch Starsky as they walked together. “There’s something else though isn’t there Dave? Let me guess, guilt, regret, right! Let me tell you Dave you have nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to regret. Dad knew why you left and he accepted it. He knew too that you’d come back when you were ready and he was right wasn’t he? You’re here and for now that’s all that matters.”

Starsky shook his head at the young man by his side. He wondered how such a young head could be so wise and it took his thoughts back across the years to when he and Hutch had started out together. They had been young and full of grand schemes to make the world a better place. Sadly most of them had soon been knocked away once they came into contact with the streets. They had quickly learnt to depend on no-one but each other. Once he had been unable to get to Hutch in time and he had been shot in the leg. Starsky had kept apologizing for not being there until Hutch had simply said, “It doesn’t matter you’re here now and that’s what matters.”

Suddenly Starsky felt every one of his fifty plus years and he wondered where the years had flown. Then he remembered he had much to be grateful for, a wife who loved him and two beautiful children that he missed. He had a sudden longing to leave and get back to them. Lengthening his stride to catch up with Cal the duo continued their walk around the lake in companionable silence.

 

 

CHAPTER TWO

It was two days later that they were both on their way home. They had spent the time fondly reminiscing of times long past, Rosie and Cal enjoying hearing about the various pranks that Starsky and Hutch had pulled on their unsuspecting father. Edith had enjoyed the memories too although she had heard all about the pranks as they occurred, had laughed with her husband as he told each detail. She had secretly thanked the duo for having provided some light relief in her husband’s day.

The nights had been the most difficult for them. It had given Edith time to realize the enormous hole that would exist in her life from now on. Starsky had been of great comfort to her. Knowing from experience the pain of losing someone so close, he had sat talking with her until the early hours of the morning. It had taken its toll on him though, both physically and mentally. His body cried out for rest but his mind would not let him. The nightmares were returning and he felt unable to tell Hutch in front of the others so instead he had forced himself to remain awake. As a result he had found himself becoming more and more uncomfortable around his friends and he longed to be back with his family.

Hutch, aware of Starsky’s unease, finally decided that it was time to leave. With promises to return soon they had loaded up the car and left in the early hours of the morning. Hutch was driving once again and Starsky was desperately trying to keep his eyes open. He talked constantly until he had run out of things to say and then he had turned on the radio and started to join in with all the songs as they were played. He constantly urged Hutch to join in with him until Hutch could finally stand it no longer and, glaring at Starsky, he made to turn the radio off. Starsky’s hand stopped him at the switch and Hutch realized that he was no longer singing. Instead he was staring at the radio, his eyes unmoving and his face a deathly white. Hutch quickly switched his attention to the song being played and he realized it was one he had not heard for a long, long time.

His memories instantly swam back to the nights following Terry’s death, of Starsky playing the same song over and over. ‘Time in a Bottle.’ It was one of his friends’ favorite songs, which had suddenly been given a whole new significance. He remembered crossing the room and turning off the cassette player as his partner sat immobile on the floor. Now, all these years later, and the song was having almost the same effect. Hutch knew he had to do something but the grip Starsky had on his hand was so tight he could feel his own pulse as the circulation screamed for release from it. Slowing the car he prayed for the song to finish and with it the almost hypnotic effect it was having on his friend. As he managed to bring the car to a stop so the record came to an end. Letting out his breath, Hutch was suddenly startled by the passenger door being thrown open and Starsky running from the car. Hutch immediately gave chase but Starsky had a head start and he was having trouble keeping up. Then, as suddenly as he had started, Hutch watched as Starsky came to a halt and, turning to look at his former partner, he slowly collapsed in a dead faint by the roadside.

 

 

CHAPTER THREE

Starsky’s eyelids slowly forced themselves apart. He could just make out a figure bending over him, could feel the strong arms holding him gently. He struggled to bring the figure into focus as he blinked several times. When at last he could make out features it was to see an extremely worried Hutch looking back at him.

“Hi buddy, welcome back. You got me a little worried there. Thought you were never going to stop running till you were back at the ‘Metro’.” Hutch was smiling now as he slowly lifted his friend into a sitting position. “Have to admit it’s been a long time since I ran quite so far, or so fast for that matter. These old bones aren’t quite up to it anymore.” Hutch realized that he was talking for the sake of it, trying to make Starsky feel less awkward in the hope that he could get him to talk. He remembered how trivial things would always make his friend moan and groan but the times when he was really hurting Starsky would close up and refuse to discuss things until he absolutely needed and was ready to. With a jolt Hutch suddenly realized that perhaps he was no longer the one Starsky would open up to, they had been apart for so long each had learnt to deal with situations in a different way, or in the case of David Starsky, with someone else.

Starsky took in the ice blue eyes full of concern as they watched over him. How many times had they done that in his life? His head and chest ached, his whole body cried out for rest that his head refused to let it have. Starsky struggled to stand and Hutch immediately offered his hand, helping and supporting him until he could stand alone. Shrugging off the hands, which held him, Starsky walked away from Hutch until he stood on the side of the road looking down into the river valley. He watched transfixed as the water tumbled and rushed on its continual journey to the ocean and he thought that it was so much like his life, angry and out of control.

“I’m sorry Hutch, I’m not sure… I…I just needed to get away. From you… from everything, you know?” Starsky was still staring at the water, his feet inches from the edge of the drop. Hutch felt a shiver run down his spine. He suddenly realized that he was unsure of what his friend was intending and it frightened him. He had talked down so many ‘would be’ suicides from positions similar to this but his whole being refused to believe that was happening now. This was Starsky for God’s sake, the one who believed in ‘Murphy’s Law’, the one who took whatever fate threw at him, caught it and turned it around somehow. He was the one who raged and stamped his feet not Starsky. Now, suddenly, he realized that the tables had turned and he didn’t know what to say, what to do!

“Tell me Hutch, what did I do that was so wrong?” Starsky was speaking again. “Everyone, everything that ever means something to me ends up destroyed. Somehow or other, just when everything’s going great and you least expect it, something steps in and pulls the rug out from your feet. Know what I mean Hutch?” Starsky paused for a moment before continuing. “Bellamy, Terry, Rosie, you, Ma, Dobey, all of you either dead or hurt in such a way that nothing’s the same anymore. I’m scared Hutch. What about Kelly and the kids? If anything happened to any of them I don’t think I’d make it through. I used to believe that you took what life handed out and you made the best of it ya know. Even after Terry died I kept going, learnt to accept it. Vic Bellamy, Rosie Malone, they were all things that fate had in store for me and I just had to handle them and get on with things, and I did it Hutch, God knows how, but I did. I pulled myself up and started on over.” Starsky’s voice dropped, almost to a whisper and Hutch had to strain to hear what he was saying. “Then… then Gunther came along and I couldn’t do it anymore. Everything I cared about was over, gone. The job… you…ripped away… and I couldn’t handle anymore… so I ran, and in a way I’m still running Hutch. Even Kelly, God forgive me, I can’t give her all of me Hutch. I love her so much that it hurts even now. We’ve been married fifteen years and I couldn’t imagine life without her, but even she can’t have all of me. No one can!” For a moment Starsky was quiet and Hutch held his breath waiting. Then Starsky turned and looked at him for the first time since he had started talking and Hutch could see the hurt and pain etched in every part of his face. “There’s a line in that song, you know, it goes something like, ‘If I had a box just for wishes’…. I’ve thought that so often over the last twenty years Hutch…. It goes on, ‘The box would be empty except for the memory of how they were answered by you’…. Somehow you always made things right Hutch, so… so how come you couldn’t back then, that one last time? When I really needed you to, you couldn’t do it, and I really hated you for that!” Starsky stopped, unable to say anymore.

Hutch felt like his heart would break. In the first few weeks after Starsky had disappeared he had frantically searched for his partner, calling in every favor they were owed, haunting hospitals, badgering friends even ringing Starsky’s mother four or five times. His partner though had covered his tracks well and had been protected by a mother’s love for her son and Hutch had eventually been forced to admit defeat. He had turned his frustration to his work and for a while the word on the street was that Hutchinson was to be avoided at all cost; he was no longer prepared to accept any misdemeanor however tiny. Over the weeks and months that followed his fears had turned to anger directed solely at his partner. This in turn had turned to reluctant acceptance that he would never know the whereabouts of Starsky or his reasons for going, although a small part of his heart clung to the hope that one day they would find each other again. Never though did Hutch think that his friend hated him, blamed him in some way for what had occurred.

“If that’s what you feel why did you come back?” Hutch forced himself to speak though his throat was tight. “Why all of this? You said you’d wanted to make things right between us. I thought we’d done that Starsk! Now…now you tell me you hate me. That’s pretty strong coming from you. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry, is that it? Okay I’m sorry. Sorry that I couldn’t see what was going on in that crazy head of yours! Sorry that I didn’t stop Gunther’s men from trying to blow you away. Hell, I’m sorry I ever knew you. Is that it Starsky, is that what you want me to say?” Hutch was shaking now and he was scared. He had been given a second chance with Starsky and now it was falling to pieces, crumbling around him, and he was powerless to stop it. He didn’t know what he could do to put this right but he was sure as hell going to fight for it, he only hoped that he had the strength left to win this time.

“Trouble is Starsky, it wouldn’t be true. At least… the bit about not knowing you wouldn’t.” Hutch’s voice was lower now and in control. “How long has it been Stark since we first met?” Hutch stepped ever closer to his friend. “Think about it will you! Go right back to the Academy. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I sat at the back of the class feeling totally out of place, a complete geek. No one wanted to sit with the know-it-all from Duluth; hell what was he doing here anyway? You have any idea how lonely that felt Starsky? There I was, sat in a class of forty grown men feeling like a …like a lost child! Self defense class it was and I sat at the back praying I wouldn’t get picked to go out front. I did though, remember, and suddenly everyone wanted to come and have a go at pulverizing me. I remember standing there against three of the biggest recruits in the class and I knew I wasn’t gonna make it. Then, suddenly from nowhere, up you stepped. You stood there with that cocky grin on your face and you said…Damn, what was it now, something about odds, I can’t remember exactly!”

“Three to one are lousy odds if you’re on the wrong side.” Hutch looked up as Starsky quietly filled in the missing words. “Three to two are more in your favor since one can watch the other’s back!”

“Yeh, and you did too. Those guys didn’t know what hit them. You do remember don’t you, just as well as I do!” Hutch pressed home with the words as he closed the gap between them to a couple of strides. “From that day on you always seemed to be around, hovering somewhere in the background. Usually you had a couple of others with you but occasionally you were on your own and I could ‘feel’ you, sense you were there before I could even see you. Somehow I never felt alone anymore. Then, one night I couldn’t sleep so I went out for a walk and I came across you sitting under that old willow tree, hunched over a book at two in the morning. It took you ages to admit that you were struggling with the class work, I remember thinking how much it had taken for you to admit you were having problems and could do with a hand. You were so proud Starsk and yet you weren’t above asking for help. Suddenly there was something I could do for you and we made a deal. Do you remember what it was buddy? I do.” Hutch paused looking deep into his partner’s so expressive eyes, eyes that could flash in anger were now shining with unspent tears and providing a window to a confused, distraught mind. Hutch held his breath and waited for Starsky to answer.

“Yeh! I remember. You’d teach me the legal bits, I’d teach you the physical stuff and somehow we’d muddle through together, ‘Me and Thee’. Teamwork!”

“That’s right Starsk, ‘Me and Thee’. We did it too! Never looked back from that night on. You used to believe in what fate threw at you didn’t you? Well fate threw us together my friend…”

Starsky turned, his eyes burning like raging fires that they appeared black. “Yeh, and it ripped us apart too Hutch in case you’d forgotten. One morning, one lousy morning in the police garage. How long did it take to destroy everything, huh, two minutes, five? I don’t know Hutch I was lying on the floor in a pool of my own blood! This time Humpty-Dumpty fell off the wall and couldn’t be put back together again, not properly anyway. My life ended that day Hutch.” Starsky was almost screaming now, his anger firing his emotions. “When I came round in that hospital bed you were there as usual but I knew you were there long before that. I could feel you, hear you begging me to come back, to fight. Well I came back buddy and to what? I’ll tell you what, retirement, end of the line. Have you any idea what that felt like? Don’t say yes to that…Don’t you dare say yes ‘cos if you do I’ll hit you here and now! That wasn’t the worst part though buddy. The worst part was realizing that I had to go, leave behind everyone and everything that mattered just so you could survive. Know what Hutch? For years I felt guilty for going like I did. There was no other way I could have done it but still I felt guilty. I took all the blame too didn’t I buddy? The letters I got from Minnie didn’t say so in so many words, but it was there all the same, written between the lines. Poor Hutch this, poor Hutch that, well what about me for Christ’s sake! You know the funny thing though Hutch, the piece that takes the biscuit? I blamed me too.” Starsky stopped as abruptly as he had started, the need for air in his weakened lungs making him breathe in gulps. Whispering again, Starsky looked at Hutch, “Time in a bottle Hutch, I’d give anything for that to be true so I could change everything.” With those words Starsky stepped forward and Hutch pulled him into his arms, holding on tight as if afraid that Starsky would start to run again.

 

 

CHAPTER FOUR

It took some time before Hutch could trust himself to let Starsky go. His head was reeling from Starsky’s outburst. For the first time he was beginning to realize a little of what his friend had gone through. He knew that he had been fortunate in having Captain Dobey and Huggy Bear to lean on and help him through. Starsky had no one apart from a mother who loved him dearly. He thought back to the way he had reacted to Starsky’s return, the way he had laid into him with harsh words and little thought of his friend’s feelings. He wondered if, had the position been reversed, he would have had the strength of character to return and face old familiar places and people who were so angry with him because of their own hurt feelings. Hutch pulled back and placed both of his hands on Starsky’s shoulders forcing the smaller man to look up at him.

“It didn’t though, did it Starsk? Not completely, Rip us apart I mean. When it came right down to it ‘Me and Thee’ still won through. I’d give anything too my friend just to be able to go back and make everything right for you. To stop all the pain and hurt you had to suffer. But I can’t Starsk, neither of us can. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t if I could. I’d give the world for that day never to have happened. But it did happen Starsk, and we both of us lived through it. Moved on. Think about it buddy, if you hadn’t have gone home, decided to become a teacher, you would never have met Kelly, never have had Ken and Rachael. Can you honestly tell me that you regret that? Kelly’s a lovely woman Starsk, I envy you her. She loves you deeply, that’s so obvious just by the way she is around you. It stands out like a beacon. You’re so lucky Starsky, you’ve got something I’ll never have, you’ve got a family, one that loves you for what you are, warts and all!” Hutch let go of Starsky’s shoulders and, together, they walked towards the car. “I owe you Starsky, do you realize that? Your going gave me a need to move on, take a grip on my life. I am what I am today because of you my friend. You are what you are because of yourself. I think we’re both stronger for what happened that day and, despite it all, we still have us. It took a little while for us both to realize it but we have, and I think we always will. Too much has happened to us over the years, we’ve shared so many bad times and good times that nothing can ever completely break the bond that ties us Starsk. It might become a little stretched at times but it will never break. You have to believe that buddy, I do.”

The duo had reached the car and Hutch opened the door, gently lowering Starsky into the seat. Walking around to get in the other side he never once took his eyes off of his friend. Hutch started the car and was about to pull away when Starsky laid his hand onto his shoulder. He turned to see those eyes looking straight at him again only this time they were less hurt, less confused.

Starsky spoke one word, “Thanks.” Then he lowered his hand and rested his head on the back of the seat, closing his eyes. Hutch pulled away and it wasn’t long before Starsky was asleep. He stayed that way for the rest of the journey, only waking when Hutch switched off the engine outside of his hotel. Without a word or a glance in his friend’s direction Starsky climbed wearily out of the car and up the steps into the hotel. For a moment Hutch toyed with going after him but decided that Starsky wouldn’t want any more fuss. He started the engine again and headed to his own home. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and all he wanted was to fall into his bed.

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

Hutch woke to the sound of loud, agitated banging on his front door. Glancing at his bedside clock he realized that he had been asleep for hours and the light streaming in through the curtains told him it was morning. The banging on his door was becoming more insistent, and throwing back his covers, he retrieved his gun from its hook before partially opening it. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see but it certainly wasn’t Kelly Starsky.

“About time Hutchinson, now open this door before I break the thing down!” Hutch could see the anger in her face and hear the venom in her words. As he opened the door fully to let her in he vividly recalled her words when they had first met, about Starsky likening her to a tiger protecting her cubs when she was angry. Looking at her standing in front of him he thought it an apt description. He had the distinct impression he was going to become the victim of this particular mother tiger.

Re-holstering his gun he walked back into the middle of the room, not entirely sure that he was ready for whatever was about to come.

The words, when they finally came, were spat out with such venom and ferocity that Hutch felt hard pushed to remain on his feet in front of them. “I warned Dave not to come back. I begged him to leave well alone; let sleeping dogs lie, but no! He wanted, no, he needed to see you. Put things right he said. Trouble is they can never be ‘right’ can they Hutchinson. Well I hope you’re satisfied now, you’ve got your revenge. I only hope it makes you feel good. Sleep all right did you? Yes of course you did but then you’d need a conscience not to and I guess you haven’t got one have you?” Kelly’s eyes were burning with anger, her body tense and menacing. “Well guess what? You win, hands down. We’re leaving in a couple of hours and I hope I never see you again, or hear your name for that matter. You’re a fool Ken Hutchinson, a sad, lonely old fool. You had a friend who loved you and a family prepared to try, but you’ve thrown that all away. My kids hate you for what you’ve done and as for me… I don’t know what I feel about you other than contempt… and maybe a little pity.” Kelly turned and made for the door. As she reached it she stopped with her hand on the knob. Hutch, reeling from the force of her anger, waited to see what would happen next. Turning her head slowly she looked at him, quietly she whispered, “Why Ken, tell me why. I don’t understand.” Her anger was spent and she slowly opened the door and left.

For a second Hutch was unable to move as his mind ran over and over the scene that had just been played out. On the third time through it registered what Kelly had said about leaving in a couple of hours. He had to stop her, find out why she was so angry; stop Starsky from disappearing from his life again. Above all else he knew he couldn’t take that a second time.

Hutch ran from his apartment. He was just in time to see Kelly getting into a hired car. As she started the engine he realized that he wouldn’t make it in time and desperation fueled his steps. Managing somehow to reach the front of the car he stood with his hands on the bonnet daring its occupant to drive away. Instead, as he looked into the car he could see she was going nowhere. Her head was lowered onto the steering wheel and Kelly Starsky was quietly crying. Hutch, breathing heavily from his efforts, slowly moved around to the driver’s door and opened it. Bending down and reaching inside he turned Kelly to face him and for a moment she sat, with the tears streaming down her face, just looking questioningly at him. Hutch put his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her head onto his shoulder and as he did so the dam broke and he held on as Kelly sobbed into his shoulder.

Looking back he couldn’t recall exactly how he had managed to get her out of the vehicle and back into his apartment but somehow he had. She sat where Hutch had left her in order to get some clothes on, at his breakfast bar with a cup of steaming coffee in her hands. She was still sitting there when he returned from the bedroom and he crossed to the kitchen and poured himself a coffee. Sitting down on the stool opposite he spoke for the first time since this all began.

“Feel a little better now you’ve got that out of your system? That was quite some speech back there.”

Kelly’s hand tightened on the cup she was holding. “Don’t Hutchinson, don’t you dare be patronizing with me, not after the damage you’ve caused.” Her hands on the cup were shaking and Hutch could see that she was having trouble keeping her anger in check.

“I’m sorry Kelly, I didn’t mean it to sound like I was trying to patronize you. I just wanted to know you were okay. Look, what say we start again and you can tell me what exactly I’ve done to make you hate me so; I’d really like to understand, please. You said you were leaving. Why? I don’t get it Kelly, talk to me.” Outwardly Hutch was trying to remain calm but inwardly his whole body was trembling in fear of what she would say.

“You really don’t know do you?” Kelly looked at him with amazement written all across her face. “You have no idea what this is all about.” Hutch shook his head. “Dave! That’s what it’s about!”

Hutch flinched as she almost spat the words at him. He forced himself not to shout, “What happened?”

“You happened Ken, that’s what.” Kelly was quieter now. “I was afraid of this right from the beginning.”

“Afraid of what Kelly? For goodness’ sake how can I help if you keep beating about the bush? Let’s have it straight and to the point. NOW!” Hutch could feel his temper rising.

 

 

CHAPTER SIX

“Let’s go back seventeen years Ken. That’s when I first met Dave. Three years after he had been shot and forced into retirement from a job he loved. The only thing he knew how to do, and from all accounts he was good at it too.”

Hutch nodded his head at this. “He was one of the best!”

“When I first met Dave that would have been hard, if not impossible to believe. Physically he was a nervous wreck. He’d jump at the least little bang, even a slamming door. He wasn’t sleeping more than a couple of hours a night and he was hardly eating at all. It was a wonder he had recovered as well as he had at that point. Did you know that he was still under the doctors four years after the shooting?” She could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t. “Four years Ken, and even then they only discharged him because they couldn’t do any more for him. Oh physically he had healed it’s true, but mentally he was a long way from being well. When we first met he described the way he felt like being in a goldfish bowl. There were people all around him, talking to him, being with him, but he was still isolated. No one understood how he felt, no one knew how afraid he was or how lonely. I’ll never know how he managed to pass all the exams to become a teacher but he did and do you know what? He was, is, a damn good one. He can reach the kids in a way I never could, he understands them somehow, in a way most adults can’t even begin to. For a long while the only time he really looked comfortable was in a classroom surrounded by children. I guess that’s one of the reasons he’s such a terrific father.”

Kelly paused and rising from the stool she walked across the room to stand looking out of the window. Hutch quietly rose and followed her. He sat down on the sofa and waited for her to continue.

“Dave said he told you about the scene in the classroom that day. Did he tell you that we spent the whole night working our way through the cause of it?”

Hutch nodded, still unwilling to interrupt the flow of words coming from Kelly.

“Yeah, I guess he did. What I bet is he didn’t tell you was what that cause was did he?”

This time Hutch shook his head, “No he didn’t. Somehow though I think you’re about to remedy that.”

“You!” Again the word was almost spat at him. “You were the cause Ken, only Dave didn’t realize it at the time. All the way through the night the same thing kept cropping up. He had let you down. All the other times he had fought back, for you, and the pair of you had continued. This time he hadn’t. He’d given up and run away instead. At least that’s how he saw it. When he first left he knew that it was the only way that he could let you know it was ok to go on without him, and for a while he believed that. He would have come back otherwise. Trouble is the nightmares never went away and somewhere, with everything that had occurred, the image became muddled until in the end it wasn’t Dave being killed that night… It was you! Every time he closed his eyes Dave had to watch you being killed Ken and there was nothing he could do to stop it happening. He told me that he couldn’t even shout your name to warn you. In the end he was terrified of sleeping, he couldn’t take the loss anymore.” Kelly stopped talking, the tears running silently down her cheeks as she stared out of the window not really seeing the scene outside. At last she turned and came to sit next to Hutch. “I talked him through it, step by step, as far as I could anyway, there was some of it that I couldn’t help with, only you could have done that. Trouble is though Ken you weren’t there. You were here, surrounded by people you knew, people who cared and could help. Dave had no one, except me! It took two years before Dave could finally let it go and face life again. We got married that same year, later along came Kenneth and we had our first row. You again! I’d managed to convince Dave that he had to look forward, that his life was with me in Canada. I loved him so much Ken and I was determined you wouldn’t destroy us. I hadn’t quite allowed for whatever it is that binds you two together though. I almost won, until Dave’s mum stepped in on his side. I hated her for that, for a while anyway. No one could hate Rachael for long, there was just something special about her.” Kelly smiled a thin smile.

Hutch too found himself smiling at this. He had fond memories of telephone conversations between Starsky and his mother. They were usually one-sided affairs with Starsky desperately trying to get a word in edgeways. Hutch knew how much Starsky meant to his mother and had often envied it.

Kelly was speaking again and Hutch shook off the memories to listen.

“When Kenneth was born Dave was the proudest father any one ever saw. Then came the night I found him leaning over the cot crying and it broke my heart. When I asked him what was the matter do you know what he said? He said, ‘Hutch should have been here, we promised each other!’ I tried to comfort him but I’ve never felt so shut out in my life. He didn’t need me, he needed you and I had to stand aside and watch him fight the bad memories all over again. That’s when he told me for the first time that he wanted to see you. It took all of my strength to talk him out of it. I was afraid of what you would do… and what it would do to him. I’d watched Dave pick himself up off the floor and rebuild his life and I wasn’t about to have you knock it all to pieces. I told him that if he went I wouldn’t be there when he got back. I didn’t mean it but it was all I could think of to stop him. He believed me and, thank God, he stayed! He never gave up though Ken. Every chance, every slight opening there was he would bring you up until I hated you so much. I couldn’t let Dave see that though or I’d have lost. Then came the letter about Captain Dobey and I knew I couldn’t stop him this time. So instead I did what I’d always done, I stood beside him and I waited and prayed that it would be ok.” Kelly smirked a little here, “You had me going for a while there Ken, I’ll give you that. I really thought you had both done the impossible, turned back the clock, found each other again. Man how wrong can you be! Well I hope you’re happy Ken. I hope your revenge is truly sweet. I get to pick up the pieces again, I only hope that Dave has the strength to want to try.”

Kelly rose abruptly and striding across the room she slammed her cup down on the breakfast bar. Hutch winced as the cup shattered under the force and he moved to pick up the pieces. As he closed the gap between them he could see the blood on them and instead he took Kelly’s hand in his. Wrapping a cloth around it he led her back to the couch and sat her down. Bending down in front of her he looked at her sadly for a few moments. He felt tired and emotionally drained and wanted nothing more than to lie down and try to sort out his feelings. His mind was still reeling from everything she had said and he at last understood the reasons for the earlier scene between himself and Starsky. What he didn’t know was what had occurred since.

He forced his voice to speak gently and quietly although his whole being ached with the need to take this women and shake her for her condemnation of him.

“Kelly, I don’t know what happened after I dropped Starsky off at your hotel but I can assure you that he was okay when I last saw him. There was a… a… scene, if you like to call it that, on the way home. Starsky was exhausted, we both were, and they played a song he used to love, a long time ago, it …set him off if you like, but we talked it through and he fell asleep. When I left he was fine; I’d never have gone if I’d thought for one moment that he wasn’t. You have to believe that Kelly. I think you do, or you wouldn’t still be here. We both love Starsky, whatever is wrong now we can both help him with it can’t we? He made it through once before with only you, this time he has you, the kids and me. I’m not backing off again Kelly, I lost him once and I intend to fight before I lose him again.”

Kelly stared deep into Hutch’s eyes and he felt as though she was staring deep into his soul. He held his breath and waited for her to answer. Finally she took Hutch’s hand in hers and held it tightly.

“I hope you mean that Ken, I really do. Dave needs you right now more than he does me. That’s a hard thing for me to admit but it’s true. I want my husband back and I think you can give him to me. I hope you’re up to it!”

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

Hutch and Kelly traveled together back to the hotel where the Starsky family was staying. Hutch was driving again and Kelly sat nervously beside him constantly spinning her wedding ring round on her finger. She had told Hutch how she had woken to find Starsky sitting in the chair watching her. She could see that he was exhausted and had reached out to hold him expecting him to return the embrace. Instead he had pulled away, refusing to look or speak to her. She had begged him to sit down with her and explain what had happened, to talk with her, but instead he had begun to take his clothes from the cupboards and drawers and throw them onto the bed. Then he had stormed through the room; slamming cupboard doors open and shut until he found the suitcase they shared. He threw that onto the bed also and began to systematically fold his clothes and place them into it.

For a while she had simply watched in disbelief unable to move from where she sat watching. The bedroom door had opened and Kenneth and Rachael had stood there fearfully watching their father. They had never seen him like this before and it frightened them both. Kenneth had wrapped his arm around his sister as if to shield her from his father’s fury and together they had crossed to sit beside their mother. Starsky though showed no sign of having seen or heard them as he continued the frantic search for his clothes. Each item was carefully folded and placed into the suitcase as they watched. Then Starsky once again began to search the room; his eyes scanning every inch as he slowly turned a complete circle. Kelly had caught a glimpse of those eyes as they had passed by and she was instantly afraid of what she had seen. She had long ago thought that she would never see her husband look this way again. It was the same haunted look that she had seen that day in the classroom just before Starsky had collapsed in a heap at her feet.

Starsky’s eyes had come to a halt at his jacket he had hung on the chair behind him when he had sat down. Striding across the room to it he made an almost panic stricken search through the pockets. The jacket slipped to the floor as Starsky found what he was looking for at last; he almost ran back to the bed and laid the picture on the top of the suitcase. Just before he had closed the case Kelly had managed to catch a glimpse at it. The picture that Starsky had so desperately searched for was the one of himself and Hutch that he had taken from his room all those years ago.

Kelly had reached for her husband’s hands and had forced him to look at her as she quietly spoke to him. She had whispered gentle, calming words that only he could hear and slowly, oh so slowly, he had begun to relax a little. His eyes had begun to register what he had been doing, had registered the fear in the faces of his children and his wife, had registered the shaking of his own hands as Kelly held them and as they did so Starsky had felt so ashamed. Forcing himself to let go of the hands that held him so lovingly he had walked slowly to the bed and his children. He had placed one arm around each child and quietly whispered his apologies for frightening them both, then he had kissed each one’s head before breaking down and crying into his son’s shoulder. The young Kenneth Starsky had placed both arms around his father and pulled him close as he had seen his mother do so many times before. Rachael too had thrown her arms around her father’s waist desperate to help but unsure of what was happening. Kelly had quietly stepped in and had managed to get her husband to lay down on the bed where she had thrown a blanket over him before leaving the room with the children.

As she had sat with her arms around them both her mind had gone over and over the scene which had just unfolded before her and her anger had quickly risen towards the one person that she felt was responsible for it. Dave had been with his former partner for the last week, she didn’t know what had occurred during that time, other than the death of Captain Dobey and his funeral, but somewhere along the way something had happened between the two of them. Dave was in no position to tell her but she was determined to get an answer from Hutch. As her husband had slept she had made the arrangements with the airport for their journey home. Leaving the children to collect their belongings together and pack for them all she had made her way to Hutch’s apartment prepared for a row.

~~~

As they pulled to a halt outside of the hotel Kelly placed a hand on Hutch’s arm. Looking at him she whispered, “It was twenty years ago, it wasn’t me he was leaving, it was you. He was leaving you all over again, all the pain and anguish and guilt, he was living it over. Somehow Hutch you have to make it okay, you have to make him see that it was the right thing to do, for both of you. You’ve got to stop the guilt before it destroys him completely.”

Hutch looked at the woman beside him and his heart ached for her. An hour ago she had been like a wild cat, spitting fire in her anger and so confident in herself. Now she sat next to him with her head down, the fight in her was all gone and she looked so vulnerable. He silently vowed to do everything in his power to help put right the damage he had caused some twenty years ago. He liked this young woman a lot, and in a way he owed her a lot too. She had taken his friend and been with him through all of the agonies he had suffered because of his unselfish action so many years before. She had loved him unconditionally and now all she wanted was the person her husband was back beside her. Hutch silently prayed that he had the ability to grant that wish because he knew that if he couldn’t he would lose Starsky forever.

 

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

Hutch and Kelly quietly opened the door of her room and stepped inside. Kenneth and Rachael sat side by side on the sofa. Neither spoke as the two adults came across and stood in front of them. Kelly knelt down and took her children’s hands in hers.

“It’s ok you two, I’m back and I’ve brought Ken with me. It’ll be alright now just wait…”

“How can it be alright ma? He shouldn’t be here.” Kenneth pointed angrily at Hutch as he spoke, “He caused all of this, now he’ll make it worse. Tell him to go please ma.”

Hutch witnessed the boy’s anger and pain without acknowledgement. He was staring at the closed bedroom door. Half of him wanted to rush through it and confront Starsky, to shake him by the shoulders and force him to pull himself together, to be his old self. The other half knew that it would take more than that to help his friend and it held him back, unsure of what to do or what to say to the man on the other side of the door.

Kelly looked at Hutch and could see the hesitation there. Letting go of her children she rose and took Hutch’s hand instead.

“You have to try Ken. Not just for me but for you and Dave, ‘Me and Thee’ isn’t that how it should be? I’ll never have him all Ken, part of him will always be yours and I accept that. I’ve accepted it for the last twenty years but up until now I’ve never really understood it. Seeing the two of you together, it’s like watching one person. Without one the other isn’t complete. GO ON Hutch! Right now he needs you. Not me or the kids, just you!”

Kelly gently led him across to the door and opening it she stood back to allow him to walk in. She quietly and firmly closed the door behind him and lent back against it. Nearly three weeks ago she had closed the door on Dave and Ken and left them to sort out their differences together. This time she prayed that Hutch would be able to reach through the barriers her husband had set up around himself. If he couldn’t then she knew that she had lost him forever. Pushing away from the door she crossed back over the room and sat next to her children. The only thing she could do now was wait.

For a moment Hutch simply stood looking at the sight before him. Starsky sat on the bed; his whole body spoke of defeat. He showed no sign of acknowledging Hutch’s presence in the room, his head was down and he stared at an imaginary spot on the floor in front of him. Hutch walked across and sat down next to him, feeling every one of his fifty plus years. He suddenly realized that he didn’t know what to say or where to begin. Twenty years ago he would have held his partner tightly and forced him to speak. They would have talked things through, start to finish, piece by piece, until both had everything straight in their minds. Then, and only then, would they move on, together.

As he sat here a glimmer of light began to shine as the beginnings of an idea began to form in Hutch’s tired brain. His thoughts flew back across the years to the events following the shooting and Starsky regaining consciousness. He had been so overjoyed with his partner’s recovery that he had gone overboard with what Starsky had always called his ‘Mother Hen’ routine. True, to begin with, Starsky had needed his help to do everything, but he had been so protective Starsky had only to sneeze and he was there with a tissue. The one thing he hadn’t done, he had failed to do for the first time ever, was to sit and talk it through. He had feared so much for his friend’s life that he had shut it all out, refusing to give it room in his memory. This, he realized now, was the problem right from the start. If he had just given Starsky time to talk with him, to work through the bad memories, maybe he would have been able to handle them, would never have run away. Hutch felt his heart grow ever more heavy as he realized that Kenneth was right. This was his fault!

 

 

CHAPTER NINE

Hutch knew that what he was about to do wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. Pulling his gun from its holster he reached across and placed it into Starsky’s hand, closing his partner’s fingers around the cold metal. Starsky’s head shot up as though he had been stung and his hands parted, dropping the offending object onto the floor. He was up and across the other side of the room before Hutch had a chance to retrieve the weapon. Holding it firmly by the barrel Hutch rose and walked across to stand directly in front of Starsky barring the way for any retreat. Holding it towards the smaller man he spoke with the firmness of one used to giving orders and having them obeyed.

“Take it Starsk. Hold it tight and look at it.”

Starsky continued to stare straight at Hutch, the hurt and the fear clearly visible in his eyes. His hand was shaking as Hutch forced him to hold onto the gun. Hutch returned Starsky’s stare, remembering as he did so the scene by the river yesterday. This time he was determined to see it through all the way to the end, he only hoped the cost would not be too great for either of them.

Again Hutch spoke, quietly and firmly. “Look at it Starsk, just for a second, then I’ll take it away, I promise.”

Hutch held his breath as Starsky slowly lowered his eyes and glanced at the offending weapon. Hutch could see the tremor that ran through his body and realized the tremendous effort that had been made. A slight glimmer of hope began to rise; Starsky was still willing to try.

“See Starsk! It’s nothing but a piece of metal, cold, hard, deadly in the wrong hands, but metal all the same.”

Starsky turned the gun over and over in his hands, his hands shaking as he did so. “When was the last time you held one Starsky?” Starsky’s eyes shot up, glaring at Hutch. “Let me guess shall I? Twenty years ago! You haven’t held, let alone used, a gun since the day you were shot have you?” Hutch pressed home. “That’s why you left isn’t it Starsk? Never mind the doctors and their reports, you left because you felt you had let me down didn’t you?”

Starsky twisted away from Hutch and walked slowly over to the bed. He sank down onto it and held his head in his hands. When the words finally came they were so quiet that Hutch would have missed them if he hadn’t been watching, waiting for his friend to reply.

“I did let you down Hutch, I couldn’t shoot a gun, damn it I couldn’t even hold one. I was terrified of it. How could I back you up without a gun? I was useless to you out there.”

Hutch put his weapon away and moved to sit next to Starsky. “You had every right to be scared buddy. Those goons had almost killed you. Damn it you did die at one point, but you came back Starsk, you fought hard and you made it. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t. You meant the world to me. You were the brother I never had, the kind of friend everyone dreams of having but few actually do. How many times over the years have you picked me up and put me back together Starsky? Think about it for a moment… there was Vanessa, Gillian, the heroin, I’d never have made it through that if it hadn’t been for you my friend. You were always there when I needed you. NEVER (Hutch almost shouted that word) Never have you ever let me down. If anything Starsk it was the other way around, I let you down.”

Starsky stared incredulously at Hutch at these words, “How can you say that Hutch, I’m the one who ran not you. I was the one who threw everything away without a backward glance.”

“Yeah… you ran buddy… but you ran to protect me. You were right too. I’d never have survived on the streets with someone else. You and I, we were like two halves of the same whole. I could tell what you were going to do just by listening to you, or watching your movements. I always knew when to duck Starsk from the sound of your yell. Even when I couldn’t see you I knew you were there somewhere, I knew I could depend on you to watch my back all the time and you never let me down.”

Hutch paused carefully judging his words, keeping his eyes on Starsky all of the time. He had to let him see that what he was saying was the truth and that he meant every word.

“When you finally came round in the hospital I was so happy I thought I would burst. I almost drove the nurses mad for a while pestering them about you, were you in pain, did you need anything, were you warm enough, silly things like that. I became obsessed if you like with looking after you. I was over compensating Starsk. I’d failed to keep you safe in the garage the way you used to keep me safe on the street and I was sure as hell not going to fail a second time. I’d been given a second chance and I wasn’t about to let it go. So I closed everything in Starsk, put it to the back of my mind and hoped that it would go away. Every time you tried to talk to me I’d change the subject or I’d find something that needed doing. It was like if I ignored it then it hadn’t happened, you’d be fine in a few weeks and we’d be together again, a team.”

As he spoke Starsky realized that Hutch was no longer watching him. Instead he was staring out of the window and it was as though he was no longer with him. Starsky began to understand that Hutch had been as badly affected as he had but in a different way. He sat back onto the bed and continued to listen as Hutch went on.

“Then you left Starsky and I felt like the world had ended. My world anyway. In a way it had, you didn’t need me; I’d driven you away.” Hutch turned and looked at Starsky. “I only realized, when Kelly brought me here, exactly what I’d done Starsk. I’d shut you out. We’d always talked it through before, let the other one work their feelings out. I wouldn’t let you do that this time; it was too painful, too close. I’d almost lost you this time and I didn’t want to keep going over it so I shut it out. I’m so sorry Starsky. All of this, the pain, the nightmares, it was all my fault and I’m sorry.”

Hutch was crying now, the tears falling slowly down his face. Starsky reached up a hand and very gently he wiped them away with his thumb.

“Man we really screwed up Hutch. How could we try so hard to get it right and get it so badly wrong?” So saying Starsky pulled Hutch’s head onto his shoulder and held it tight.

 

 

CHAPTER TEN

Eventually Starsky sensed that Hutch had regained control and he let him go. Slowly he stood up and walked a little way away.

“You’re right Hutch. I wanted…. No I needed to talk it over with you. You were the only one who knew what had happened and it was important that I could get it straight in my head. I needed to know that there was nothing I could have done to stop it happening, nothing I should have seen to warn me it was coming. But you kept shutting me out Hutch until in the end I stopped asking. That’s when the nightmares started. When the doctors said I couldn’t be a street cop anymore it was the last straw. Somewhere, somehow everything got muddled, lack of sleep I guess, but I couldn’t see any other way of letting you go. If we couldn’t be a team anymore then at least you could move on, become the best captain on the force, do it for both of us. So I left, simple as that. Trouble was it wasn’t… simple I mean. We both suffered didn’t we? I can’t alter things Hutch, what’s happened, but lets stop blaming each other shall we? It wasn’t either of our faults. It was this world Hutch, this sad, corrupt world and the greed of one man. Time in a Bottle Hutch! Trouble is our bottle always ends up broken.”

“Forgive me Starsk, for not understanding, for getting everything so damn wrong.” Hutch was drained of all emotion. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. Looking at his friend he knew Starsky was too.

“Nothing to forgive Blintz, like I said we both screwed up big time. Dobey knew it and he’d have knocked our heads together if only he could. Instead he did the only thing there was to do, look after the one left behind until the other came to his senses. I’m sorry that it took me twenty years to do it Hutch. I’ve grown up a lot in those years though buddy, becoming a dad tends to do that to you in time!”

“Talking of kids Starsk, don’t you think you’d better go through that door and let them know you’re okay. They were really worried about you.” Hutch smiled a sad smile at Starsky. “Go on my friend, Kelly needs you and it doesn’t do to keep a lady waiting, especially one who loves you as much as she does.”

Starsky slowly turned and walked across the room. At the door he paused and turning to Hutch he grinned. It was a grin that Hutch had seen so many times before and it lifted his heart to see it one more time. Starsky was going to be okay; they had survived yet again.

“Thanks Hutch, for everything.” So saying Starsky went to join his family.

Hutch lay back onto the bed. His head was still spinning with all that had gone on between them but he realized that they had reached a new level of understanding between them. Exhaustion finally overcoming him he closed his eyes and fell asleep with the image of Starsky’s grin going through his head.

 

 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Hutch woke to the sound of a telephone ringing. It took him a few moments to take in his surroundings and realize where he was. The ringing stopped and he could hear muffled voices coming from the other room. Slowly he rose from the bed and was on his way to the door when it was quietly opened and Rachael Starsky poked her head around it.

“It’s okay Dad, he’s awake at last. We can all stop tiptoeing around the place now!” Hutch winced as these words were shouted across the hotel room. He was convinced that they could be heard down in the lobby. Another head appeared at the door. Kelly smiled as he made his way across toward her and she stepped back from the door to let him through.

“Well, well, sleeping beauty finally awakes, welcome back.” Hutch jumped as she smacked his backside on the way past. “We were just thinking of going down for a coffee and something to eat if you care to join us.”

“No… no thanks I…um… I ought to be making for the station before they wonder where I am.” Hutch was still a little disorientated and Starsky seized on the opportunity.

“Sorry pal, that won’t work. I already phoned them and told them you were having one more day off. I said you were pretty exhausted from having to do all the driving and everything and it would look bad if you fell asleep at your desk. Young Anderson is keeping an eye on things for you and Millie’s keeping an eye on him so there’s nothing to worry about.” Starsky was his old self again and he was enjoying winding his friend up. Kelly punched him fondly. “Don’t take any notice of him Ken.”

Hutch looked at the little family in front of him and, all at once he felt like an intruder. This shook him for a moment and he tried to cover his tracks. But he was too slow, both Starsky and Kelly had seen the look of indecision, which had crossed his face, and they exchanged worried glances with each other. Hutch tried hard to back track, and appear normal, but it didn’t fool either of them. Starsky saw the slight nod from his wife and he left her side and moved to his children.

“Come on you two. What say we go and find us a table in the lounge and have a cold coke or something while your mum has a quiet word with Uncle Ken.” So saying he steered them both out of the door.

For a moment Kelly and Hutch just stood looking at each other, then Kelly took a deep breath before speaking, quietly but firmly so that Hutch could be in no doubt of what he heard.

“Ken I want to thank you for all that you did earlier. I know what it cost you and you will never know how grateful I really am. Now though there is something you need to understand. You are, and always have been, a part of this family; it couldn’t be any other way. In one way or another you’ve always been there ever since I first met Dave, it’s been like living with a hidden presence if you like. Now at last I can put a person to that presence and you know something Ken? He’s a really nice guy. Something else too, he loves my husband almost as much as I do and that makes him extra special in my book. Dave is a really sweet, caring, loving, but vulnerable person but his judgment is good and if you mean so much to him that he can make himself ill simply by caring for you then who am I to argue. If that means having to share him with you then so be it. Be warned though Ken, this is one really crazy family you’re a part of.”

Hutch looked at the woman standing in front of him and it was like he was seeing her for the first time. The defensive posture that he had run into so many times was gone and in its place was a lovely, caring, faithful individual. One with a tremendous capacity to forgive, and one who loved her family with every ounce of her being. Suddenly he wanted so much to be a part of that family and share in its future, good times and bad. He was past fifty and he had never known what it was like to do that. Now the person standing in front of him was offering him the chance and he knew he would grab it with both hands. Being part of this family meant he would never lose Starsky again and that above everything else was something he didn’t want to happen.

As he stood looking at her the door behind them opened and Starsky, Kenneth and Rachael stood watching. Starsky was looking at him with his head on one side, a questioning look in his eye. Kelly moved towards him smiling and, understanding her message, he grinned back.

“Two things Hutch. First off, no kissing Kelly without my say so.” Starsky spoke firmly as he pointed his finger into his friend’s chest.

Hutch held his hands up in mock surrender and laughed as he promised, crossing his heart as he did so. “What’s the second thing?” he asked.

“‘S easy,” Starsky turned to Kelly. “No more of this Ken stuff, his name is Hutch okay.”

This time both Kelly and Hutch laughed but they stopped when they looked at Starsky’s face.

“You’re serious aren’t you?” Hutch was secretly pleased with this final turn of events.

Starsky held his gaze as he firmly answered. “It was good enough all those years ago Hutch. You were never Ken, not to me. Hutch was special. Still is.”

Hutch swallowed the lump that had appeared in his throat. Kelly too was having trouble seeing past the tears in her eyes. Lifting her head she planted a small kiss on Hutch’s cheek.

“Welcome to the family Hutch,” so saying she pulled him over to where Starsky stood so that she could reach to put her arms through both of theirs. “What say we have that coffee now?”

As the three adults walked along the corridor a small voice reached through the laughter and tears they were sharing.

“Hey does that mean we get to call him Uncle Hutch now?” Rachael Starsky asked her brother.

“Guess so Rachael. Man this family gets weirder than ever!” So saying Kenneth Starsky ducked as he ran past his parents to be the first into the elevator.

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The sequel to this is Happy Holidays.