Footprints Upon the Heart

A heavenly host helps the boys out and shows them the way.

Story Notes:

Episode related: Starsky’s Lady

Thank you Karen Leigh always so quick on her feet to help me out!!! Thank you for reading!!!

The playground on the beach was silent now. The palm-fringed shores seemed so different as the sun shifted to grace its presence on the other side of the planet. He couldn’t see the ocean but he could hear the roaring surf as it washed up on to the deserted beach. Sounded just like he had a seashell pressed against his ear. The silken breezes and crisp salty air rustled through his curls. Light from the silvery moon mixed with the fringed shadows dancing with life upon the powder-shelled earth. Painting the landscape with silvery purple hues. Shuffling through the chilled sand he made his way to the swing set. Grabbing onto the chain links and stopping the swaying red seat he sat down and let it rock back and forth naturally under his weight. His blue tennis shoes sifting through the sand in a lost sort of way.

Something about the silent empty playground made him feel right at home. It mirrored the feelings inside him. Eerie and alone. Afraid and unsure. Playgrounds should be filled with childhood wonder and dreams. A happy place filled with the ecstatic screams of silly laughter. Children being tenderly pushed back and forth on the red plastic seats. A guardian of protection right behind them keeping them safe from harm. Dump trucks roving over the hot sand scooping it up and re-depositing it on some poor little girl’s Barbie doll. Mouths stained with cherry kool-aid and smelling of peanut butter and jelly.

But not tonight. Here, in the wee hours of the evening when children were tucked safe in bed, he sat alone. The playground taking on the form of sorrow in its deadened silence.

Terry sat down next to David Starsky. She could no longer touch him, smell him, or speak the words I love you in his ear or taste his sweet lips on hers.

In heaven there was no more pain, no more sorrow, and no more tears. This was all too true she knew now. But no one ever told her you still could feel the pain and sorrow of those you left behind. It wasn’t her pain but his that caused a tear to roll from her eye. Pearly gates huh. God looking like Kris Kringle in a long white beard and gown nope. Oh there was a god she felt him all around, the love stronger than any she had ever known on earth. Gates, well there were gates but not pearly. Iridescent winged angels linked arm and arm opening the circle wide to hold her tight to welcome her into love. That’s what she found when she arrived. Those were the gates he would one day find too. Beyond the clouds where the stars shone eternal it was truly beautiful and she had no desire to return. She knew one day it would be his turn, his time and they would be together again forever; never to be apart, to become one with all things. Creatures of all shapes and forms came here to finally be at peace, to finally find true happiness and love.

Here was perfect. Here was safe. Here in heaven’s realm the smallest of wonders were upheld in a greater love. Even the microscopic colorful scales that clothe the butterfly’s wings held more weight than all the gold on earth. Peace and serenity in this place was a wreath of unending warmth and light. Frosted colors of moonlight, starlight and sunlight shimmered, dappling and bowing into eternity. Love embroidered upon every living soul. All who resided here woven and twined together like flowing vines. All living creatures here radiated with a comforting glow wrapped in the fleece of undying eternal love. Not one shining brighter or dimmer than the other. All equal, all shared, all one and the same.

The body is only a house for rent, storing the soul. Sooner or later the lease is up and you’re called to return to your true home. But the soul in heaven, as well as on earth, is free. Free to choose, free to roam, and free to fly. She longed to be with the others in the light of the glowing love that she couldn’t see but that illuminated through her. But she couldn’t leave him. It had been three years and still she couldn’t leave his side. It was not her pain that held her to his soul but his pain that wouldn’t let her go. The earthly heart and body fight the feelings of the soul holding back its free will, holding it back and incasing it unfairly; locking it up and not letting go, not letting it have its way. That was the flaw of being human something she no longer had to face.

He missed Terry, loved her with every breath and with all his heart but there was more to his loneliness; he just couldn’t place it. Terry moved off the swing she sat on. It swayed in the wind. Starsky looked to the ghostly seat. She moved to kneel before him placing her unseen hand upon his knee. Peering into his wild spirit she saw the turmoil he’d held inside for so long.

The coldness of the city tightened around his heart. The hatred and the cruelty of the cement haven held his soul in its grasp. The loss of all those he loved. His father; taken from him at such a young age. Forced to leave his mother who he’d needed to be near. Nick more of a distant cousin than the brother he desired. Women in his life only flitting by like ships in the night. Terry killed because of his job. That job being more a part of his life than anything else he had ever known. Except for…

That’s right Dave- Hutch. It’s okay to love him. He won’t leave you. You can love again you can let me go. I don’t want you to spend your life alone. You still have so much to do here. So much to give. Give it, Dave, don’t hold it back. Don’t be afraid. Remember I wasn’t afraid to go; you can’t be afraid to stay. Terry held tight to his knee. She smiled at the torn jeans under her hand. Still the snazzy dresser, I see.

Starsky turned from the swing that no longer swayed. Terry watched as his blue amulet eyes locked onto hers in a brief moment the world stopped revolving. The sacredness of their love and her footprints upon his heart gave him the gift of feeling her presence. He reached out to the wind his fingers caressing the air letting her name form on his lips without a sound. She knew what she had to do for him as her spirit faded away.

Starsky still sat in the purple-hued light feeling alone. The world before him was a depressing, unfriendly, cold and lonely, scary place. He and Hutch had not been getting along. Kira had seen to that. Or maybe it’s just that the years of working side-by-side, day and night had taken their toll. They hardly talked anymore and when they did, it just turned to argument and annoying words. Was there no one he could turn to, no one who could make him feel whole again, no one to walk the path with that lay before him? Someone to laugh with, to share pain with, and to be loved by?

Hutch sat at his kitchen table eating dinner alone again. He and Starsky no longer shared after work luxuries like pizza or a brew at the Pits. They had become distant since Kira had come between them. The Grand Canyon that separated them was wide and deep. There was more there than just the hurt and betrayal of the jezebel. Hutch couldn’t put his finger on it. He couldn’t understand why his partner’s voice and actions irritated him so much now. He almost dreaded having to go to work. Maybe it was the rat- infested sewer they worked in. The never-ending hate of the city had finally made its way into his heart. If you can’t beat ’em join ’em?

No Hutch, that’s not true. Terry stood before him. He needs you. You need him. Don’t give up on him now. She could tell his heart was down and out. Hutch sipped on his coffee staring blankly at the empty seat before him shaking his head slightly. He missed his partner but didn’t know how to make that connection they had reappear. They used to talk without speaking, now they couldn’t even do that. Talking with words was even more difficult. Each day was a struggle. How did they drift so far apart and when did it happen? Maybe it was fear that drew them away from each other. Hiding and avoiding each other rather than facing up to feelings that they couldn’t make sense of. Feelings that maybe they were wrong to have.

She saw Ollie sitting on top a shelf. She smiled at the stuffed bear that gave her such comfort through her life. An idea flirted in her head. It wasn’t something that was easy to do but it would work. She needed to remind Hutch of his promise. She would hold him to it. Taking care of Dave and not letting him change. She knew the love they shared and now more then ever they needed each other. She couldn’t rest till the two were one again. They belonged to one another. They were placed on this earth for one another. She had understood that, even before the bullet took her life away. She knew it was fear that drew them apart. Their feelings for one another overpowering rational thought.

Moving heaven through earth was no easy task, but she needed to get the big blond to think, and she knew this would work. It took a lot on her part but with great concentration Ollie tumbled off the shelf plopping to the wooden floor. In the quiet stillness of the apartment Hutch rose with a questioning look. He bent down to the floppy white bear. He had been on that shelf so long dust coated his fur. Hutch had nearly forgotten he was there. He dusted the bear off with his hand and placed it back on its perch and headed back to his coffee. It took a city of angels to help her but before Hutch could sit back down to his cup he heard a plop again. He stood not turning at first. His penetrating blue eyes squinting at the feeling of uneasiness he felt inside. He finally turned to see the white bear lying on the floor once more; his black button eyes seemed to laugh, taunting him. Hutch slowly and insecurely got down on bended knee and hovered several minutes examining the bear with his eyes only. He finally picked up the toy and once more placed it back on its shelf. With emphasis this time to be sure he stayed he pressed the stuffed bear down. Terry, his thoughts went to her for the first time in so long. Starsk sure did miss her, never got over her. I know to this day he still blames himself. He blames himself for so much. Hutch turned once more to head back to his now cooling mug. Ice chips flew through his bones when he heard the plop again. He couldn’t bring himself to look this time. The keen-sighted, fair-haired man grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter with force. Just before he left his apartment he whirled to glance again assuring himself that, indeed, the plop he heard was Ollie once more. Seeing the stuffed animal sped up his heart. He turned back and proceeded out the door. He had to find Starsky. They had to talk, had to make their way back to one another some way.

Terry smiled as she faded out of the apartment. Hutch was always sharper than a tack.

Starsky looked at his watch. He always sat here too long when he came. He rose stiffly off the swing. The damp cool breeze always locked his damaged muscles. He walked along the beach still not ready to go home and face the four walls of his apartment, that always seemed to constrict and make him feel so damn trapped. He stopped abruptly when he felt a hand tapping his shoulder. Starsky turned around with a smile on his face. Full well expecting to see Hutch and shocked to see a burly body builder instead. “Hey buddy, ya got a light?” The man slurred out the corner of his mouth, the white cigarette rolling between his lips as he spoke.

“Uh no sorry pal, don’t smoke.” Starsky turned to continue his walk a little shaken that his serenity had been disturbed. He didn’t get but one stride when he ran smack into what appeared to be Mr. Olympia. “Excuse me.” He tried to side step around the blockade.

“Hey what’s your hurry curly?” The mound of muscle taunted. “How bout a game of volley ball?”

A gruff voice came from behind his hot breath breathing down Starsky’s neck. “Yeah, you can be the ball curly top.” The longhaired hippy shoved Starsky into the Olympic champion in front of him.

Starsky rolled his eyes, as he could smell the whiskey in the air. He pulled out his badge flashing it in their faces. “Why don’t you two just head on home and sleep it off huh?” He flipped the badge down and put it back in his pants pocket as he turned to walk away. Before Starsky knew what hit him, he felt himself slammed down to the sand receiving a mouth full of salt and grit. He couldn’t react fast enough as he was lifted up by one of the drunks holding his arms behind his back. While the other used him as a punching bag. His golden gloves were fast and packed with lead as they worked the bag that was held in place. Starsky groaned and crumpled forward his breath being stolen from him as he did so. He was forced upright as the workout continued.

Starsky tried to keep his wits about him but he was slowly losing sight of them. As each blast to his mid section stole more oxygen from his lungs. His sensibilities were seeping away with every grunt. The intoxicated beach bums were laughing and having a great time. The hippy loosened his grip and Starsky slumped to his knees, trembling and paying homage to the sandy shores. Christening the sand as he spit some blood from his mouth. A few more kicks brought Starsky the rest of the way down flattening him to the beach.

Hutch parked the car and just as he shut the door he heard the sound of slurred laughter. He could see very well by the light of the moon. Two men kicking the hell out of his partner was enough to make him jump. The steel guard rail of the parking lot hit the ground as, with a running thud, his heels kicked up sand as he flew to his partner’s aid. As if his knuckles were spiked with barbed points Hutch hit the long-haired hippy cutting him across the jaw and practically burying the guy alive 6 foot deep in the sand. The hippy lay his jaw broken and split open bleeding. He was out to lunch. Or more likely out in space.

Mr. Olympia nailed Hutch in the face the moment Hutch had turned in his direction. The blond detective’s frenzied, unbridled rage kept him standing; he didn’t even flinch. They squared off facing one another. The drunken athlete teetered some with a smirk on his face. A challenge; this was going to be fun he thought.

Hutch danced about in dizzying attack positions. The Olympic champ laughed in amusement but not for long. Starsky, still on the chilling sand, snaked out a hand and the drunken fool found himself on the ground. Hutch charged at him like a crazed bull, cuffing the guy but not without a sucker punch to his chin first. “Nobody messes with my partner, you got that?” Hutch’s voice fumed out with embodied rage. He dropped down next to his partner, studying his face. Starsky lay on his back staring up to the sky. Hutch noted the gash above his eyebrow and the squinted eyes. “Hey Buddy. You okay? Starsk, what the hell are you doing out here at this hour anyway?”

“Just needed to think.” Starsky raised his hand up to the gash on his eyebrow but his hand was held at bay by his partner.

“Buddy, don’t touch that.” Starsky let his hand flop back down to the sand. If his muscles were cramped before they were in twisted knots now. He just didn’t feel like moving.

“Let me just rest a minute Hutch.” Hutch leaned low over his partner to get a better look at the open gash when their eyes met and locked in a stronghold. Powerful painfully blue eyes tumbled through one another for a moment in time. The journey to the center of their universe had begun. Love was born before the universe ever exploded. Their universe, however, now took on new shape and meaning. Again words were not needed. The emptiness and longing both had felt began to strip away. As their understanding of one another focused in like a blind person suddenly able to see.

Love rages like a fire or can weep like rain. Love could send you soaring like an eagle or smashing to the ground like a falling star. True love doesn’t need to be tied to the physical elements or material gifts. Real love was simple and plain. Real love is a relic imprinted on the heart before the dawn of time. Starsky opened his mouth to speak but Hutch pressed his finger gently to his mouth hushing him. “Don’t, Buddy. Don’t say a word. You don’t need to say a word it’s all here.” Hutch placed a hand over his heart and one over his partner’s heart. Starsky nodded his understanding and winked as Hutch slowly lifted him off the sand.

Terry watched the two friends with delight in her eyes. Her footprints on his heart not replaced; but imprinted deeper with those of his best friend. Hutch would walk in her footsteps now. They would both be okay. She could finally set herself free.

The two officers stood. Then released the drunken athlete who half dragged his broken-jawed friend away. They didn’t want to be bothered with booking the two morons. Hutch’s arm furled around his partner’s as he helped the unsteady shorter man over the guardrail to the car. ” Thanks Hutch. How’d you know where I was?”

“A little bear told me Starsk.” Hutch looked over his shoulder just in time to see the twinkling beam of light rising up into the night sky. He thought he saw Terry smiling and heard her voice whispering on the breeze. “Never let either one of them change. They’re both in your hands now and yours in his. Till we meet again.”