Death Sentence

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A routine physical for work comes back showing Starsky is very ill. Hutch is away at the time, and when he comes back Starsky tries to hide his illness, but Hutch knows something is very wrong.

 

Also archived on the Bay City Library Archive on 5/29/2004 here.

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Chapter 1

Starsky drove slowly, thinking about what he’d just been told and trying to absorb the facts. He couldn’t believe how his life had been turned upside down in such a short time period, and most of all he couldn’t believe what the doctor had told him.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Starsky, the tests are conclusive. Your recent poisoning has caused you permanent and irreversible damage. With your blood cell count like it is, and deteriorating all the time, your prognosis isn’t…”

“What? What are you sayin’, doc?” All color had drained from Starsky’s face. “How long?”

“Three months, maybe.”

Starsky was stunned and didn’t know what to say, or how to react. Bellamy and the Professor were going to win after all.

“I do want to run some more tests though, just so we know exactly what’s going on. I want you to take these tablets as they might help a little. We need to try anything that might prolong your life.”

“Why? Are they really gonna help me? Are they gonna save me? How can this be right? I feel fine!” Starsky was shaking his head in disbelief as he fired his questions at the doctor. Nothing had prepared him for such devastating news.

“Maybe they’ll help you feel a bit better. Just make sure you take one three times a day and come back and see me in a couple of days when you’ve had time to absorb what I’ve told you. Mr. Starsky, the tests don’t lie, regardless of how you’re feeling physically. It’s the test results that matter. Oh, and Mr. Starsky, I am very sorry.”

Starsky just stared at him, before turning to leave. Oh God, he was going to die, he was really going to die. Hutch was returning from Duluth soon, after visiting his sick mother. How was he going to tell him? He hadn’t even told him about the check-up, knowing that Hutch would worry and even when the tests had shown a problem, he hadn’t said anything. He’d really hoped he wouldn’t have to tell him anything but now, Oh God — Hutch! What are we gonna do, babe?

It had all started out innocently enough. Hutch had been called to Duluth to see his mother who’d been admitted to the hospital. Dobey had placed Starsky on desk duty and suggested that it might be an appropriate time for him to have his annual physical. Starsky couldn’t really argue so he’d gone along, definitely not expecting to find anything wrong. However, there had been some inconsistencies in his blood test results that had required further checking. He shook his head. It was crazy, he felt fine, but as the doctor had told him, the test results don’t lie. He drove to the park where he always went when he needed to think. He felt close to Terri when he was there and he needed something to hold on to. The day was overcast and cool, so there were few people around. He sat there, just trying to absorb what the doctor had told him. He was numb, not angry, not upset, simply numb. Hutch, oh God — Hutch, what are we gonna do? Those bastards are going to win after all, after everything you did for me.

Six months ago Bellamy had broken into his apartment and injected him with a poison that was meant to kill him in 24 hours. Thanks to his partner’s determination and refusal to give up, they’d finally tracked down the antidote. Hutch had anyway, he’d already collapsed and had been admitted into hospital for what was supposed to be his last hours on earth. The antidote had been found and the recovery had been fairly rapid considering how seriously ill he’d been. Now six months down the track, it was going to claim him after all. It was very confusing. He wished Hutch were there, so that he could talk to him and try to make sense out of something that made no sense. He felt fine but he wasn’t. The doctor, rather surprisingly, had said that he wouldn’t tell his Captain at this point, he’d leave it to him how he broke the news. That was the least of his problems. How was he going to tell Hutch?

 

Chapter 2

Starsky sat on the bench at the park for what seemed like hours. The doctor had to be wrong, that was it, he had received the wrong patient’s blood test results, there was a mix up, something just wasn’t right. He decided he would ask, no demand, that the doctor re-run the blood tests. He looked at the prescription bottle in his hands, that the doctor had given him. Doctor Cassel wanted to run more tests and instructed Starsky that he was to start taking the pills immediately.

 

Two days after the initial check up, Starsky was once again in the doctor’s office awaiting his fate.

“I’m sorry, David. The results are the same. No change. You’re platelet count is very low and the blood tests still reveal that you’re anemic and upon palpation, your liver and spleen seem to be enlarged. I want you to double the dosage of the medicine I gave you, and I want to take a look at your bone marrow.”

“What? Doc! I feel fine! Are you telling me I’m gonna die? Huh?” Starsky was still in denial regarding what the doctor had told him previously. “Is that what you’re telling me? You givin’ me a death sentence?” Starsky let his head fall back against the chair, feeling weak, drained and numb. He was sure these symptoms were because he hadn’t slept well the night before. He hadn’t felt well since the checkup, after the doctor gave him an injection to “increase his platelet count.” Surely these symptoms were psychological. Could he really be deteriorating so rapidly?

“David, listen to me. The bone marrow aspiration results will give us a better idea of what is going on. I’m making an appointment for you to have the aspiration done on Friday morning. I’ll see you then okay? Until then I don’t want you to worry. I want you to rest as much as possible over the next couple of days and take the medicine. Whatever you do, make sure you take the tablets as directed, they may help.”

“Yeah, sure, doc.” Starsky found the strength to get up from the chair and quietly left the room, not looking back at his doctor.

 

Starsky continued to take the medicine prescribed and felt slight panic arising as he was beginning to feel weak, slightly nauseous and very tired. This is all in my mind. I’m just waiting to feel bad… for something to happen… this just doesn’t make any sense! The ringing of the phone broke into Starsky’s deep thoughts.

“Hello.”

“Starsk?”

“Hutch?” His partner’s voice never sounded so good to him. He almost blurted out everything that the doctor had told him, but stopped, thinking still that maybe the test results were wrong. He’d wait for the results of the bone marrow test before upsetting his friend. But Hutch could tell something was wrong.

“You okay, Starsk?”

“Sure, why?”

“Sound a little distracted. Gotta girl there?”

“No… I don’t gotta girl here. They’re coming over later.”

“They?”

“Well, since you’re not in town, I got ’em all to myself. You don’t know what you’re missing, buddy.” Starsky was almost starting to believe this story himself.

“C’mon, Starsk, not fair.” Hutch chuckled softly.

“Just kidding, Hutch. I was just making something to eat. How’s your mom doin’?” Starsky wanted to distract his partner, and he wanted to know when he’d be returning.

“She’s coming home from the hospital on Saturday. She’s doing better and my aunt is coming to stay with her for a while. I should be back in town by Sunday afternoon. Mind if I stop by?”

The bone marrow test is on Friday. I can rest on Saturday and be fine by Sunday. “That’d be great, Hutch. It’s been too quiet around here anyway. I’ll see you Sunday.”

“Starsk? Are you sure you’re okay? Is work going okay? Dobey’s not pushing too many reports on you is he?”

“Nah, work’s fine.” Starsky forced the words to come out, needing his partner more than he’d ever needed him before.

“Okay, see ya Sunday then.” Hutch was uneasy and knew something wasn’t right.

“Hutch?”

“Yeah, Starsk?”

“Ah, nothin’. See ya then.”

“Don’t get into any trouble, not without me anyway.” Hutch couldn’t help but worry. There was a note in his partner’s voice that he hadn’t heard before.

“Okay. See ya Hutch.”

“Bye, Starsk.”

Starsky gently returned the phone back onto the cradle, feeling that if he held onto the line, he would still be connected to Hutch. How am I gonna tell you about this, Hutch. Maybe I won’t have to. Maybe the other test results will be okay. They’re gonna be all right, I know they will. They have to be. Aw, Hutch.

 

Chapter 3

Friday morning came all too soon for Starsky. He was admitted to the outpatient treatment center on the second floor of the hospital. He was trying to be brave, but hospitals scared him. He’d been a prisoner of them too many times or a visitor when Hutch was hurt or sick. There was never anything good associated with hospitals. He felt sick at the thought of what was to come. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was deathly afraid of needles, even more so since Bellamy, and he knew this test included a rather large one. He now lay alone, in an uncomfortable hospital bed, and cold in the skimpy white hospital gown he was rewarded with upon his arrival. Even the pretty nurses couldn’t get a smile out of the troubled dark haired detective, not today anyway.

“David, doctor Cassel will be here soon. I’m going to set up for the procedure so we’ll be ready.”

“Thanks, Karen. We can skip it if you’re busy.” Starsky had met Karen in the emergency room when he was brought in six months ago, after Bellamy’s injection. She had been a great comfort to himself and to Hutch — especially to Hutch as he’d been in a major panic when he was brought in. Starsky, himself, had been too ill to care. He thought for sure he’d seen Hutch for the last time when they took him through the swinging doors, up to intensive care. Two hours left. Two hours was a long time if you were standing on your head, but far too short when you were in pain, dying and leaving your best friend.

“Nice try, David. We’re not that busy. You tryin’ to get rid of me?”

“Not you Karen — but the test I can do without.”

Karen could see even more color draining from Starsky’s pale face and as much as he tried to hide it, she saw him trembling. She put her supplies down and rested a hand on her patients forearm. “You okay, David? Where’s that handsome partner of yours anyway? Shouldn’t he be here with you?”

“I’ll be okay when this is over, and Hutch is visiting his folks. His mom was in the hospital with pneumonia. She’s gonna be okay, and Hutch will be back real soon though.”

“Well, I’ll be right here helping Dr. Cassel, so you’re kind of stuck with me, okay?”

“Yeah. Can we just get this over with?”

Karen was about to go in search of the doctor when he entered the room. Starsky tensed even more than he thought possible.

Hutch, I could really use you here, buddy. Feels weird going through something like this alone, but I’m not gonna worry you, all this nonsense could turn out to be nothing. I might have to pretend you’re here a couple times though. I know you would be if you knew.

“Okay, David, we’re ready to begin. I’ll tell you what I’m doing at all times. I’ll need you to be very still for me.”

“I’m not goin’ nowhere.”

“All right, David, we’re gonna take the bone marrow from your sternum. I’m going to numb the area with a local anesthetic before I insert the larger needle. The local will burn as I inject it, but you’ll only feel that for a couple of seconds. Then I’m gonna clean the area with an antiseptic before I insert the needle to aspirate the bone marrow. It might be a little uncomfortable. I just need you to stay as still as you can okay?”

“Thank God you’re not doin’ brain surgery. Do you tell those people what you’re gonna do step by step too? Is there a quiz? Just do it, doc. Get it over.”

Doctor Cassel smiled at his patient. “Feisty as ever aren’t we, David? Wait til I tell that partner of yours.”

“NO! Hutch can’t know about this. Please don’t say anything. I’ll tell him.” Starsky was beginning to sweat and feel even more sick at the thought of Hutch’s reaction to this.

“I was just kidding, David. I won’t tell him anything, unless you want me to. I’m going to start now.”

Starsky closed his eyes tight, clenched his teeth, and grabbed onto the sheets, his knuckles turning white, to prevent himself from crying out. The local anesthetic was bad enough, but the LARGE aspirating needle hurt! Without realizing it, he was holding his breath. He was scared. The procedure hurt, but what scared him even more was what the results of the test could possibly prove. He wasn’t ready to die.

“Hurry up, doc, okay? I got other plans today.”

“Almost finished David — just a couple more minutes and we should be done.”

“Yeah — that’s what they all say.”

“Okay, I’m gonna pull the needle out now. You’ll just feel a little pressure, and then Karen will put a bandage over the area. I want you to rest for a bit and I’ll be back to see you. You can go home this afternoon okay?”

“Peachy, just peachy, doc.”

Starsky was left alone after Karen bandaged his chest and offered him something for pain. He refused of course. There was NOTHING wrong with him and he wasn’t going to start taking pain medicine now, not again.

 

Chapter 4

Starsky had made some lame excuse to Dobey telling him he couldn’t report to work today and asked him not to tell Hutch. Seeing how pale and strained Starsky had been lately, Dobey didn’t ask any questions, just told him he would see him and Hutch on Monday morning. He left the hospital on Friday afternoon, feeling sore, sick and exhausted and headed straight for bed when he got home, taking the knowledge of the test results with him.

God Hutch, I really am gonna die. I had ’em run the blood tests three times and now the results of the bone marrow test are showing major abnormalities. I don’t want to admit it, but I feel like shit. I can’t give up hope though, you’d kick my ass wouldn’t you, Hutch? I’m not gonna tell you about this, buddy, not until I absolutely have to, you’ve been through enough. I’ll have to sort some things out, make it easy for you… Oh God Hutch! Nothin’ I can do is gonna make this easier for you, babe! Even if I walked out now, before this gets nasty for ya, it still wouldn’t help. Besides, I’m bein’ selfish here, I want to spend every second I can with ya. Am I wrong to want this? Is it too selfish? Should I go now? Hutch, I don’t know what to do. The reality was starting to hit home with him but the anger was also starting to grow. Why was he going to die? After all he’d been through, why was this happening now? What had he done to deserve this fate? Finally exhaustion took over, and he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Starsky woke from a restless sleep around two am feeling very sick. He ran to the bathroom, making it just in time, as he retched into the toilet. His stomach was cramping badly and he felt lightheaded. Reaching for a tissue and turning on the light, he was horrified to see blood in the toilet. Oh Hutch! This is for real! I am sick! I don’t wanna die. “GOD!” He cried out, ironically to the only being that could help him now. He slid to the floor, against the tile wall, and let himself cry for the first time since his death sentence was delivered. He intended to fight for all he was worth, for Hutch. As the tears continued, he allowed himself to think about Hutch and how this would affect him and he decided then he would make it as easy as he could for him. As much as he wanted to live, he knew he had to do all he could to ease the pain for his best friend. He might not have much say in whether he’d live or die, but he could make it as easy as possible for Hutch. For the moment though, he allowed himself to despair, praying for the strength he knew he’d need.

 

The next morning, he woke up feeling worse than he could ever remember, but he knew there were certain things he needed to do. He didn’t have the luxury of time, and he intended to make this as easy for Hutch as he could. He wasn’t sure about calling his mother yet, but he could set his affairs in order and make arrangements for his own funeral. Part of him protested at the thought, but he knew he had to do it. He also decided not to tell Hutch, to keep the truth hidden from him for as long as possible. It all seemed surreal — everything had changed for him in such a short time frame, less than a week. He even wondered if he should pack up and return to New York but he didn’t want to put his mother through the strain of watching him die. He didn’t want Hutch to have that pain, but he didn’t want to be alone either. He made up his mind to delay the decision for as long as he could. First things first.

Sorting out his Will proved difficult, even though he didn’t have a lot to leave. He needed to make sure his mother was taken care of, but the things he valued, like his father’s rings, he wanted to leave to Hutch. He hoped his mother would understand. Nicky had died several years earlier but even if he hadn’t, he knew he would want his most valued possessions to go to his true brother, not his blood brother. The Torino was tricky; for he knew Hutch wouldn’t want it, but he included a codicil to the effect that Hutch could sell the car if he wanted. He didn’t want Hutch to feel like he was stuck with his prized car — the tomato, as Hutch called it.

By the time he returned home, he was exhausted and feeling very unwell again. He’d made a call to Rabbi Lowenstein to discuss funeral arrangements but he ended up postponing that meeting. It would be more difficult when Hutch was around, but he simply had no energy left to deal with it at that point and wanted to rest. He was hoping to feel better by Sunday. He couldn’t eat lunch; nothing he tried would stay down. He did his best to drink as much liquid as he could, knowing that becoming dehydrated would only make things much worse than they already were, and took his medication as prescribed. He even felt too dizzy to watch TV, but put it on so he could hear the baseball game, hoping that would take his mind off of his reality. It didn’t. He seemed okay until he took the medicine, but the side effects seemed to bring back the nausea and weakness, and the morning’s activities had completely exhausted him. Was the medication making it worse? Was there a possible side effect? Maybe he should ring the doctor. He’d told him to ring any time. He looked at the card he’d been given. His deterioration was rapid and wasn’t giving him time to think, or to get ready to face Hutch.

“Can I speak to Dr. Cassel please? This is David Starsky.” Even talking seemed like an effort to him.

“Yes, David. How are you doing?”

“Not so good Doc, and I feel worse after I take the medicine. Is this normal?”

“David, it’s very important that you take the tablets.”

“But doc, they make me feel so much worse…”

“I’m sorry David, it’s not the tablets, it’s the disease. The chemical poisoning you suffered — well that’s irrelevant now. David, there’s no easy way to say this, but this condition is fatal. I told you that the deterioration could be rapid, I can admit you to the hospital if you’d like, make you more comfortable?”

“No, I don’t want to be in the hospital.” Starsky’s voice became weak and he felt his hope go as the words were finally starting to sink in. “But doc, is it… am I… should it happen this quickly?” Starsky tried to accept the reality of the harsh words.

“I’m sorry, David. Do you want me to come round?”

“No that’s fine, doc. I just don’t know what to do…” He unconsciously wiped at the tears of desperation and hopelessness that silently rolled down his cheeks.

“I know, David. Without wanting to be callous, it would be a good time to get your affairs in order.”

“I know. I went to the lawyer this morning and that’s probably why I’m feelin’ so bad now. Thanks, doc.”

“David, I’m sorry…”

Starsky let the phone fall back onto its cradle, and lay back on his sofa contemplating his short, bleak future. He had a bad feeling about all of this and was already feeling very ill. His affairs were now in order but he still had some decisions to make — like when, or if, to tell Hutch. He’d have to tell his mother too but nothing seemed as difficult as the prospect of facing his partner and best friend, and he was torn about what the best thing to do was. After all they’d been through and all their plans, it was all going to end, with his death. God, he was only 32 and he was going to die. As he drifted off to sleep again, the tears were falling down his face, tears for his partner, as much as for himself.

Sunday morning arrived far too quickly. He pulled himself out of bed by noon, took a shower and got cleaned up. He wanted to look as normal as possible for Hutch. He knew the blond would be full of questions if he even thought anything was wrong with his usually jovial partner; it was going to be the performance of his life, but he’d pull it off. He couldn’t hit him with the tragic news straight away… maybe not at all.

Hutch arrived around three in the afternoon and let himself in. Starsky had fallen asleep on the couch.

“Starsk?” Hutch knelt down in front of the sleeping form of Starsky and tickled his nose a little, waking him up.

“Hi, Hutch…” Starsky woke up feeling groggy and disoriented but was prepared to protect Hutch for as long as possible. Looking into the clear blue eyes, he knew this was going to be the hardest thing he ever did. He struggled to sit up on the couch. It seemed to be harder to get up every time he tried. Surely he couldn’t be deteriorating this quickly. The words of the doctor came back to him. He was dying.

“Here you go, buddy.” Hutch held out a hand to help Starsky sit up. “The girls prove too much for you, did they?”

“Funny man! Actually I just stayed up too late, watching TV, some dumb movie. It’s good to see you, blintz.”

“It’s good to be home, Starsk. Mom is doing much better and I had to leave before dad and I killed each other. He’s always on at me about how I could have a better life, do something more worthwhile and I get so tired of it all…”

Starsky didn’t want to hear this, although he was normally more than happy to support Hutch. He knew how his father hounded him but on this occasion, he couldn’t listen to it and he knew that if he didn’t control him, the litany of complaints could go on for hours. “I’m glad your mom is okay. Hutch?” A sudden thought struck him. He suddenly knew what he wanted to do, while he could. It could be the last thing he could do for Hutch.

“Yeah? What is it, Starsk?” Hutch noticed that Starsky appeared to be uneasy and wondered what was going on. He stopped complaining about his father and turned his attention towards his very pale and tired looking partner.

“I was thinking, I mean I know you just had some time off work, but do you think we could get away for a bit? Go to the mountains? Or anywhere you want? I’ll let you choose.”

“You hate the mountains!” Hutch felt Starsky’s forehead for a fever, surprised to feel how warm it actually was. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Maybe got a little bug or somethin’. What do you say? Can we go?”

“I can’t, Starsk. I haven’t been at work for almost two weeks. Dobey won’t let me go. I’ve taken too much time as it is. You know he’s not going to let me leave again! Not yet anyway.”

“It would only be for a couple days, Hutch. You could at least ask him. Please, it’s kinda important…”

“Starsky, I can’t!” Hutch couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Common sense should have told Starsky that Dobey wouldn’t let him go off again.

“Just forget it then!” Starsky was more upset than angry but he didn’t want to continue with the argument.

“Starsk, it’s nothing to get mad over. We’ll take some time off and go later.”

“I’m not mad! Just drop it, Hutch!” Starsky started to get up from the couch.

Hutch grabbed Starsky’s arm, with more force than he meant to, but Starsky wasn’t going to walk away — they were going to sort this out. “Hey! What’s wrong with you? I didn’t come over here to fight with you!”

“Then get out! You know where the door is! Just leave me alone!” Starsky suddenly felt sick again and headed for the bathroom quickly. Letting Hutch sitting on the couch alone, frustrated and confused.

“Starsk?” Hutch gave his partner a couple of minutes, but when he didn’t return from the bathroom as quickly as Hutch thought he should, he went in after him. He didn’t knock, just opened the door, angry and ready to finish the battle they’d started in the living room. What he witnessed made him forget all about anger and their argument.

 

Chapter 5

“Starsky!” Hutch rushed to his partner, seeing that his legs were starting to buckle. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!”

“Your nose is bleeding — badly!” Hutch assisted Starsky to sit on the closed seat of the toilet and wet a cool cloth. “Here, let me help, buddy.”

“It’ll be okay, Hutch. I’m sure it’ll stop soon.” Starsky let his partner take control of the situation, feeling too weak to help himself. Hutch held Starsky’s head back with one hand, encouraging Starsky to lean on him, and tried to stop the bleeding with the other. Starsky was afraid. More evidence of his physical deterioration. He couldn’t deny it any more.

“Has this happened before, Starsk?”

“No. I think it’s stopping now.”

“Starsk, you lost a lot of blood. I’ve never known you to have nosebleeds before. Let me take you to the emergency room to get this checked out.”

“No, I’m fine, Hutch, really. Been havin’ some sinus problems, that’s all. I’m gonna go and lay down for a while. Sorry I’m not very good company today.”

“Starsk, don’t be mad okay? We’ll get away, go to the mountains. How about next fall? It’s really pretty up north in the fall.”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can. C’mon, you saying you don’t want to go now?”

“No — I’m saying I can’t!”

“Why? What the hell is wrong with you today? First you want to get away for a couple days and go to the mountains, and now you’re pissed off, telling me you ‘can’t’ go! Why, Starsk? Why? You told me it’s kinda important. What’s going on?” Hutch’s voice was escalating along with his blood pressure.

“Because, I, er I just can’t, Hutch. Forget I asked. Doesn’t matter really, nothin’ matters any more. Look, I’m kinda tired and am gonna lie down for a bit. Let yourself out will ya?” Starsky was too tired to continue the argument. It had been a crazy idea anyway.

Starsky made his way back to his bed, and threw himself down. It hurt so much already, and he was so scared.

“Starsk?” Hutch followed him, starting to feel an intense fear and dread that he couldn’t explain. Something was very wrong but Starsky was already asleep. He walked over to the bed, and pulled the spare blanket over him, staring down at the drawn face as if searching for answers. He turned away, suddenly feeling very old and drained. He’d let Starsky sleep but he’d be demanding some answers from him when he woke up. Making a decision, he decided that he’d stay at Starsky’s for the night then they could talk. He moved back to the lounge and put the TV on very quietly, trying to ignore his uneasy feelings and finally giving into his exhaustion and falling asleep.

When he woke up, he found that a blanket had been placed over him and he could hear from sounds coming from the bathroom that his partner was awake.

“Starsk?” He got up cautiously and walked to the bathroom, not sure of what he’d find but Starsky was just cleaning up and smiled wearily at Hutch.

“Thought you were gonna go, blintz.”

“Not until we talk, Starsk. I wanna know what’s going on here.” Hutch’s focus went to Starsky’s arm; there was a large purple bruise where he had grabbed him the night before. “What happened to your arm? God, Starsk, did I do that?” Hutch was on the verge of panic. Something dreadful was wrong, he could feel it.

“Nothin’, Hutch, everything’s just fine. I must have bumped my arm yesterday.” The phone ringing saved him.

“Hello.”

“Yeah, he’s here, Captain. Okay, we’ll be there.”

Starsky replaced the phone. “That was Dobey. He wants us to go straight down to the docks to check out a murder scene.”

“Are you feeling up to it, Starsk?”

Starsky looked startled, then grinned weakly. Hutch had his mother hen radar on and knew something was wrong. This wasn’t the time to discuss it though. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to tell him. In fact, he was starting to feel he shouldn’t.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” They started to leave the apartment when Starsky stopped and turned back. “Forgot something, partner. Be right back!” He was unaware that Hutch was on his heels as he returned to the apartment and took one of his tablets.

“What the hell are you taking?”

“Vitamins.” Starsky nearly choked when Hutch spoke to him, he’d been too focused on taking the pill to realize that Hutch had followed him back in.

“Vitamins? You! Mr. Junk Food Junkie himself! That’ll be the day! Let me have a look.”

“Not now, Hutch. Dobey will be on our case. Let’s go.”

“We’ll talk about this later, Starsk.”

“Yeah, right. Let’s go.” The drive to the docks was carried out in silence, both men consumed with their own thoughts. Starsky was uneasily aware that the pill that he’d just taken was making him feel really bad again and he hoped that he was up to this. He was unconsciously holding onto his arm, where Hutch had grabbed him the night before. Shit, he didn’t even grab me hard! Is this what’s gonna happen to me? Am I gonna bleed to death? Damn it! It was already proving difficult hiding anything from his overprotective partner and Starsky knew that this was only the beginning, the beginning of the end.

 

Chapter 6

Hutch jumped out of the car and left Starsky watching him. He just didn’t have the energy to chase him and as he got out of the car cautiously, he was overcome with dizziness. Fortunately Hutch hadn’t noticed it as he was already talking to the other two officers on the scene. Starsky pulled himself together and started looking around, leaving Hutch to do the questioning. The body had been strangled but as he found himself looking into the deceased’s face, Starsky was overwhelmed with revulsion. He was far too used to seeing dead bodies, and this one didn’t even rate on the gruesome scale, but he was suddenly facing his own mortality and the fact that this would be him, one day in the all too close future. Not strangled but dead. He fought back the nausea and backed away from the body, ignoring the questions and the concern that was being showered on him. He backed right away until he found himself leaning on the Torino shaking like a leaf. This was crazy, he was so sick already. He had no hope of hiding this from Hutch, who was already suspicious. He wasn’t even sure he could be proper back-up anymore. So quickly, everything was changing so very quickly.

He was so deep in his thoughts, he was not even aware that Hutch had joined him and had placed his hand gently on his shoulder.

“Starsk?” Hutch was terrified now. Something was obviously very wrong with his partner and the shuttered look was killing him.

“Nothin’ is wrong, Hutch. I need a holiday I guess but you won’t take one with me.” Starsky was finding that the emotions of the last few days were starting to boil over. Even though he knew he wasn’t being fair, he found himself lashing out at the nearest person to him — Hutch.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t! I told you, I would go with you to the mountains in the fall. What the hell is wrong with you, Starsk? You’re the one who told me that you wouldn’t do it then.”

“Not wouldn’t, I said I couldn’t!” Starsky pulled away, uncaring of the eyes that were watching him and his partner.

“WHY? Starsky! What is wrong with you? Maybe we could swing Hanukkah and Christmas? We’ve always worked those shifts in the past so Dobey owes us for that.” Hutch knew he was missing something but for the life of him, couldn’t imagine what. The sadness lurking in Starsky’s face broke his heart. “Please, Starsk… tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothin’, Hutch. Don’t worry about it.” His grin barely reached his eyes. “Okay, Hutch, we’ll go away at Christmas…” Whatever, anything to deflect the Hutchinson concern. It was more than he could bear.

“Hey, lets get back to our job, or Dobey’ll have our hides.” Starsky forced himself forward, ignoring the intense stare.

Hutch kept a close eye on Starsky during the course of the day. He could see how tired he was and he was trying hard not to worry. The problem with Starsky was that he was always stoic when he had big problems; it was the little aches and pains which caused him to groan and complain.

Starsky was aware of Hutch’s concern but was trying to ignore it. He had made the difficult decision to not tell him. He’d go away, somewhere, leave Hutch a note. He remembered how heartbroken he’d been when he’d watched Hutch lying in hospital dying from the plague. He couldn’t put Hutch through the same agony. He had no chance and as scared as he was of dying alone, if it could spare his best friend some pain, then he’d do it. He had to meet with the Rabbi at some point too. His thoughts were chaotic. It all seemed so hard.

The investigation hadn’t progressed very far and it was nearly lunchtime so Hutch suggested they go to Huggy’s. He tried to ignore the pale and pinched expression on Starsky’s face.

“Hey, bro, how you doin’?” Huggy was very pleased to see Hutch was back. “Bet your man here’s pleased to see ya…” His voice trailed off as he noticed how white Starsky was looking. Hutch shook his head imperceptibly at the questioning look Huggy threw him. The last thing Starsky wanted was food, or even the banter he usually enjoyed with his two friends. He decided he’d take the opportunity of going to see his Rabbi.

“Yeah, good to have someone to do the paperwork again.” Starsky’s voice sounded as forced as it felt. “Gotta make a call, blintz, so you order and I’ll be back soon.” He tried very hard to walk normally to the phone.

“Hug?”

“Hutch?” They both laughed half-heartedly, both knowing what the question was going to be.

“Dunno, Hutch. Ain’t seen too much of him lately but he sure ain’t looking too good.” Huggy frowned as he spoke.

“He’s been acting real weird…” Hutch felt cold as he remembered the bloody nose.

They both stopped talking as Starsky returned. “Hey, gotta go see a man. You think you can manage by yourself for a bit?”

“Why don’t I come with you? I can get a sandwich somewhere.” Hutch was even more confused.

“Nah, you and Huggy catch up. I won’t be long.” Starsky turned to go.

“Starsk? You’re not doing something stupid, are you? Like meeting a snitch somewhere on your own.” Hutch was puzzled especially at the expression that crossed his partner’s face.

“Nah. Look, can’t talk right now but will later. I’ll pick you up soon.” Starsky was sweating heavily and in considerable pain as he walked to the Torino. He hoped he was fit to drive but it was only determination that enabled him to. He’d made to his car and took a moment to rest against it, his body beginning to betray him once again with pain and weakness. As he pulled himself up, and pulled out his keys, the sounds of unexpected gunshots being fired from Huggy’s gave him sudden strength. He turned around and watched as two young teenagers came running out but his attention was focused on Hutch and he didn’t fully comprehend their running away, as his mind screamed out to his partner. He drew his gun and made his way back to Huggy’s as quickly as he could.

“HUTCH!!!!!” Starsky’s gun was drawn and aimed at the scum he couldn’t see as his eyes scanned the area for his partner. “Huuuuuutch!”

Starsky carefully but quickly went in search of his partner. A car screeched out from behind the nearest building, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. His vision blurred as he tried to focus on the car, and he was unable to even get the license plate numbers. Everything was happening so fast. He couldn’t make his foggy, pain-filled mind work. He realized at that moment that he was a danger to his partner, in not being able to back him up, and hoped that he hadn’t already failed him. He began to panic. God Hutch… please be alive! “HUTCH!!!”

“Over here.” Hutch’s reply was weak and strained, but the words were like music to Starsky’s ears. He ran toward the sound finding Hutch struggling to get up, with Huggy’s help. While dodging a bullet he’d fallen and hit his head on the edge of a table, momentarily knocking himself out.

“Hutch? Are you okay? C’mon buddy, talk to me!” Starsky and Huggy were trying to steady him.

“S’okay Starsk, I… I just hit my head. I didn’t get hit. You okay?” Hutch was still dazed and would at the very least require stitches to the back of his skull, which obviously took the worst blow as he fell. “Starsk? Huggy? You okay?… Starsky?”

“Right here. I’m right here. C’mon, we need to get you to the hospital. C’mon… Hug, are ya okay?”

Huggy nodded his head, shocked by the suddenness of the shooting and the near miss. He’d thought for one terrible moment Hutch had been hit, but thankfully they’d both been spared.

Hutch was still fuzzy, but nothing could keep him from reading his partner. He heard the fear and defeat in Starsky’s now shaky voice and could feel his trembling.

“Hey, what’s wrong? I’m okay, Starsk, honest. Probably just need a couple of stitches.” His voice was gentle but not without concern. He’d deal with what was wrong with Starsky soon, right now his head hurt, and he was feeling faint and nauseous. He let the familiar arms guide him into the car, which would take him to the emergency room. Huggy was with them and Starsky threw him the car keys.

“Hey, didn’t ya have to see someone?” Huggy remembered Starsky leaving.

“Nah, it’s not important. Gotta make sure this hard headed blintz gets looked at.” Starsky managed a weak grin. Hutch was too dazed to notice but Huggy saw something in the expression that caused him some concern. Something was going on with his curly haired friend.

“I can take him…” Huggy felt he should offer, even though he was sure the offer would be rejected. He was right.

“Nah, it’s okay, Hug, but thanks anyway. You can drive though.” Huggy tried not to blink. He was being allowed to drive the prized tomato.

As Starsky guided his partner into the car, holding a clean towel on the wound Hutch had sustained, he tried not to wince with pain himself. He’d have to drive later, but for now he’d let Huggy drive.

 

The emergency room was busy and a pressure dressing was applied to the wound on the back of the blond’s head until the doctor could see him. Starsky alternated between staying at Hutch’s side and pacing back and forth in the small treatment room. His odd behavior didn’t go unnoticed by the wounded man, even though he was still dizzy and hurting. Huggy had waited in the waiting room, and had put in a call to Dobey.

“Starsky? Starsk? Could ya slow down a bit? You’re making me more dizzy. Why don’t you sit down, we might be here a while?”

“Can’t.” One word, spoken so softly it almost went unheard.

“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong? You still mad at me cause I can’t get vacation right now? Will you talk to me damn it!” Hutch needed his friend right now and was feeling confused by his unusual behavior. He hadn’t meant to yell; it just came out that way, but not without causing further pounding of his already throbbing head. He moaned, closing his eyes and grabbing for his head.

Starsky was at his side in an instant. His partner needed him. He’d have to try and push his own remorse and emotions into the background for now.

“I’m here. Want me to call the doctor? God! I’m sorry Hutch… really sorry.” Starsky unlatched his hand from Hutch’s and headed for the door in search of a doctor.

“No! Starsky. I’m okay. Just a bad headache. I shouldn’t have yelled. Sorry. Please, come back here and stop running away from me Starsk. What the hell is the matter with you?”

“You wanna know?” He felt his Adam’s apple begin to bob and hot tears begin to sting his eyes. He did his best to stop them both.

“Starsk?” Now only deep concern tainted his words.

“You got hurt, Hutch. I didn’t back you up like I should’ve. You could have gotten killed because of me. I should’ve been there and I wasn’t. God Hutch, why do you even want me around? I can’t do this anymore! Thank God you’re gonna be okay. I’m sorry, buddy! I love you… and I have to go.”

Starsky quickly left the small room and his best friend behind. He felt like he’d let Hutch down in the worst way… not being there for him. He wouldn’t allow his best friend to get hurt because of him. He knew he was no longer strong enough to cover Hutch’s back. Leaving Hutch in the emergency room was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but it was for Hutch’s own good. He knew the injuries his partner had sustained were not serious… this time, and he also knew he couldn’t put his friend through any more hell than he already had. Bitter tears stung his eyes as he heard Hutch calling weakly after him, but he had made his decision. He was going to leave and spare Hutch from getting hurt any further due to his physical inadequacies, and the heartache of watching him die. He felt it would be better for everyone if he went off… to die alone. He forgot all about Huggy and walked right past him, not even seeing him. He’d go home, collect his medication for that was all he’d need, and then disappear. There was one place he wanted to visit before leaving LA.

Hutch was stunned at the sudden departure and struggled to get up, to go after his crazy partner. Something was going on with him, and it wasn’t anything good. He was so dizzy and nauseous though, he needed to lie down.

Hutch tried in earnest to get off of the gurney that held him captive, but didn’t get far as the doctor arrived to examine and suture the laceration deep within the fine blond hair.

“Doc, I can’t…” Hutch was pushed gently back down onto the litter by the young foreign doctor. “I have to go… can’t do this now!”

“Mr…” The doctor looked at the name on the chart. “Mr. Hutchinson, this won’t take long, please be patient. Now, let me take a look at your head… looks like you took a bad knock.”

Hutch was unable to argue with the young attendant, knowing he was right. His head was hurting and the bleeding wasn’t going to stop without being stitched.

“Just hurry up doc. I gotta go!” Panic was surfacing as he wondered what could be wrong with his partner and where he might have gone. He lay still, on his side, as the doctor and his assistant mumbled conversation about “proper suturing technique”. His thoughts drifted into his own world, Starsky’s world, and their world.

Starsk, I know something terrible is wrong. Why won’t you talk to me! Damn it! You’re scaring me Starsk! I know you’re not telling me something.

“You doing okay, Mr. Hutchinson?”

“Yeah, you soon finished, doc?”

“You’ve got quite a gash here. I’d hate to see the other guy.” The doctor’s attempt at conversation with his patient had failed.

“I need to go, doc. Please hurry.”

“Please try to relax, Mr. Hutchinson. I’m finishing up now and I’ve ordered a skull x-ray. We can’t take things like this too lightly.”

“Doc… I…”

The middle-aged nurse grabbed the emesis basin and rushed to Hutch’s side when she saw him go pale and grab for his stomach. It was evident that things were not going Hutch’s way. “It’s okay, sweetie, these kind of things happen.”

“Not now!” Hutch continued to retch, closing his eyes from the throbbing in his head. “I have to get out of here… please.”

The doctor was concerned with his patient’s high anxiety level, but couldn’t order any medication to calm him due to possible neurological damage from the blow to his head. He did order something for the nausea and vomiting and ordered that he stay overnight for observation. He didn’t expect the argument that followed.

“I’m not staying! Where is my shirt?”

“Mr. Hutchinson…”

“Forget it, doc! I’m leaving… NOW!!!!”

Huggy heard the loud exchange and went to Hutch’s side. “Hey bro… what’s up with all the yelling? Guess your lungs are okay! Listen to the doctor, Hutch.”

“Huggy, get the car. We’re leaving. Now.” Hutch softened his voice… he was near tears and pleading. He had to get to Starsky. Something very bad was happening. He could feel it. “Trust me, Hug… please.”

Huggy followed his instincts and followed Hutch’s orders. He knew Hutch was worried about Starsky’s lack of enthusiasm and moodiness lately, but he had only seen this kind of terror in Hutch’s eyes a couple of times before… When his partner was in trouble, hurting… or dying from Bellamy’s poison six months ago.

“You got it bro. You sure you don’t want to stay here for the night. I’ll check on curly for you. Where’d he go anyway?” Huggy realized that he hadn’t seen Starsky since he walked by him earlier, and it was highly unusual for him not to be at Hutch’s side… especially when he was hurt.

“He left, Huggy, and I don’t know where he is! Now help me.” Blue eyes threatened to overflow.

“C’mon, pal.” Huggy helped Hutch put his shirt back on and stood by as the doctor vented his frustrations and warnings against Hutch signing out AMA.

Hutch gave a weak apology to the doctor, but no explanation as he and Huggy left the emergency room.

 

Huggy was surprised to find the Torino was still parked in the same spot he’d parked it in when they arrived at the emergency room. Starsky must have taken a cab or managed to get another ride when he left the hospital, which was very unusual in itself. Once again he was behind the wheel of Starsky’s prized Torino and still confused. He glanced intermittently at his blond passenger who rode in silence. The tension was tremendously thick, although Huggy knew when to probe and when not to. He let Hutch to his thoughts, knowing he would talk when he was ready. Their first stop was Starsky’s apartment.

After knocking and getting no answer, Hutch used his own set of keys and let himself into Starsky’s apartment.

“Hutch, mind telling me what’s going on?” Huggy was gentle, but very curious and worried about both of his friends. He watched as Hutch searched each room and called for Starsky.

“He’s gone! Damn it! Huggy, has Starsky talked to you lately? Did something happen when I was away at my folks?” Hutch was desperate for answers and continued to rummage through Starsky’s things looking for something… anything that would help him to help Starsky. The wound on his scalp was bleeding mildly again and he was doing his best to subdue the pain and nausea that were returning in full force.

Huggy was about to respond when Hutch let himself fall into Starsky’s desk chair and became quiet… unmoving.

“Hutch? What is it Hutch? What’d you find?” He went to his friend’s side and looked at the papers Hutch had in his now trembling hands. “My God!”

Hutch let out a sob as he looked at the documents in his hands. He was holding a copy of his best friend’s Last Will and Testament, a Power of Attorney designated to him from his best friend and other important papers, including funeral arrangements. The documents fell from his hands as if they had burned him, and he continued to cry. He needed Starsky, and felt his world falling apart, without knowing why. As he read on, his panic increased.

Enclosed in the envelope were papers Starsky had recently had gathered and drawn up, including his birth certificate, papers from the police academy, his discharge papers from the Army and his “Last Will and Testament” and “Power of Attorney” papers. Feeling like he was invading Starsky’s privacy, he continued to read on.

 

{General Power of Attorney}

I, David Michael Starsky, hereby appoint Kenneth R. Hutchinson, as my Attorney-in-Fact (“Agent”). My agent shall have full power and authority to act on my behalf. This power and authority shall authorize my Agent to manage and conduct all of my affairs and to exercise all of my legal rights and powers, including all rights and powers that I may acquire in the future. My Agent’s power shall include, but not be limited to, the power to:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

Oh God! This can’t be happening! There has to be something we can do buddy! There has to be something! Hutch continued to read, tears blurring his vision.

 

{Last Will and Testament of: David Michael Starsky}

1. I, David Michael Starsky, a citizen and resident of Los Angels, California, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do hereby make, publish and declare this instrument as my Last Will and Testament, hereby revoking any and all Wills, Codicils and letters of testamentary import I formerly may have made.

2. I am not currently married. I have no children now living, nor have I any deceased children who died and left issue.

3. I give all my jewelry, clothing, household furniture and furnishings, personal automobiles and other tangible articles of a personal nature, or my interest in any such property not otherwise disposed of by this will or in any other manner together with any insurance policies or property, to Kenneth R. Hutchinson. He may dispose of personal automobile and should not feel obliged to keep it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~otherwise to pass with the residue of my estate. I would like the lump sum of ~~~~ to be bequeathed to my mother, Rachel Starsky, of New York City.

4. I nominate Kenneth R. Hutchinson who shall be represented by my attorney as Executor of this Will, to serve without bond…~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Huggy placed his dark hand on Hutch’s pale one and looked into the light blue eyes, now filled with terror, sorrow and tears. “I know, bro… we’ll find him. He couldn’t have gone too far.”

Neither man had any knowledge of what could be going on with their dark haired friend. Huggy was just plain scared for both of his friends. Hutch absentmindedly held the back of his head, blocking out his own pain and told Huggy to drive, where to first, he was not sure. It was a long shot, but Hutch wanted to check his apartment first for any signs of his partner. Maybe he’d left a note for Hutch there. In spite of his own pain, his panic and concern for Starsky took precedence.

As he was replacing the legal papers back into the manila folder, Hutch found another envelope that held a Living Will, where Starsky stated that he did not want to be kept alive by any artificial means and then there was another smaller envelope addressed more personally to “Hutch.” It read:

 

My Dearest Hutch,

I’m sorry I had to leave you this way and so soon. I know we had big plans for our future, and just because I’m not here now I don’t want you to give up on them. My heart is with you always. You’ve been the best friend any man could ever have. You made me believe in myself, Hutch. I never felt unloved and always felt cared for. It was because of you that I was the luckiest man alive. Even with dying this young, I can’t feel cheated ’cause I had a full and rich life with you in it. If I feel cheated at all, it’s that I feel I’m leaving you too early. If I had my way, we’d never leave each other. I know you’re gonna hurt for a long time, babe, but you will get over this. I want you to, and I need you to. I’m sorry to leave you this way, but I am hoping to spare you some pain. You see, the bastards Bellamy and the Professor have won after all and it seems the poison has done permanent and irreversible damage. I’ve been told I’m gonna die but I just didn’t know how to tell you. It may have already happened by the time you read this letter.

Would you mind checking up on my Ma sometimes? I’m worried about her and know this is going to be hard for her, but hearing from you is kind of like hearing from me. Especially with Nicky dead, she’s gonna be all alone. Might help you a bit too. I’d be grateful and I know Ma would be too.

Please try to remember me the way I was, the way we were. We were good together, Hutch. I need you to go on with your life. Think about the future, not the past. Please be careful and don’t be too hard on your new partner. None of what’s happened is their fault and you could get lucky, find another partner who’ll love burritos and fast cars. You’ll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do, but you will find someone who’ll watch your back and be your friend. You’ve got a big heart, Hutch, just make sure you keep it open and don’t let it die with me. Please, Hutch, live for me! Hey, if there are any openings in Heaven for Guardian Angels, I’ll apply and will be yours. I love you, Hutch, always have and always will. I know I never said it much but always figured you understood. You don’t have to keep the tomato, Hutch, but try to find it a good home, eh?

David Michael Starsky — Starsk

Hutch could not read on. He felt empty as he felt his world crash. Oh God! What the hell is happening? Dying? He can’t be dying! Please don’t let him die! I need him so much! Please! I’m beggin’! Why’d you do this Starsk! It’s like you’ve already given up! Damn it! I can’t let you die! I’m gonna find you and whip your ass! Hutch was silently sobbing, unaware of Huggy’s approach until a gentle hand touched his shoulder.

“Gotta find him, Hug, just gotta find him.” Huggy hadn’t read the contents but realized it was Starsky’s Will they’d been looking at. “He’s gone, trying to spare me pain, but I can’t let him go… Where would he go?” Hutch looked up at Huggy with tears in his eyes. The phone ringing interrupted their pain-filled thoughts. Huggy picked it up.

“Yeah, talk to me. Diane? What! Okay, we’ll be right there…” Hutch looked up at the note in Huggy’s voice.

“That was Diane. She said someone’s in my room above the Pits…” Hutch shook his head, not wanting to deal with trivial matters at this time. “Hutch! It sounds like Starsky. She didn’t speak to him but saw him creeping in. Thought he was drunk or something…” Hutch was on his feet as fast as humanly possible.

The drive to the Pits was taken in silence, with Huggy, again, driving the tomato. Hutch was too dizzy and panicked to concentrate properly. Neither man could work out why Starsky had returned to the Pits, but they had no understanding of what had been happening.

When they arrived, Hutch looked at Huggy, who understood straight away what was being asked.

“Sure, bro, but you let me know what’s goin’ on, as soon as you can. He’s my bro, too!” Huggy swallowed hard. Hutch nodded shortly, a quick pat on Huggy’s arm relaying more than the brief nod.

Hutch walked up the stairs carefully, not at all sure what he was going to say to Starsky. He’d play it by ear. He knocked gently and then opened the door, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him. Starsky was sprawled on the bed, looking feverish and unwell. It was the same bed that Starsky had held him during his difficult heroin withdrawal. Hutch closed the door and walked over slowly. He leaned down and stroked back the curls from the sweaty forehead. It was obvious Starsky had come here to crash, and had not had the strength to go any further. Fighting back his terror, Hutch made himself speak.

“Starsk? Babe, please… talk to me.”

Starsky opened his bleary eyes. He was so tired. He’d known he’d be found by Huggy and Hutch but he had no strength to go further. Despite his initial need to run, he was selfishly pleased to see Hutch.

“Hutch… hey…” Hutch helped him sit up.

“Starsk, I think you were right, you know. We need to catch a vacation together and the mountains…” Hutch was fighting his fear; not wanting to hear what he knew would be devastating. Starsky was looking so thin and drawn — and he was shaking his head at him.

“Can’t, blintz. Sorry.” Starsky managed a very weak apologetic grin, but Hutch wasn’t about to give up.

“What do you mean, you can’t? It’ll be great…”

“HUTCH! I can’t! I’m not up for any mountain treks…” Starsky’s voice broke off in a half sob.

“We don’t have to go to the mountains, we can…”

“NO! Hutch, listen to me. I’m not gonna be here…” Starsky was defeated and knew he couldn’t maintain the pretence any longer. What had made him believe he could hide this from Hutch? He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath before continuing.

Hutch gulped, quite certain he didn’t want to hear the rest. “What do you mean you won’t be here? Where are you planning on going?”

“I won’t be alive, I’ll be dead, Hutch! I’m dying! That fucker Bellamy and the Professor have won after all! I wanted to hide this from ya, but I’m already too weak to go far…” Starsky stopped talking, waiting for the explosion.

Hutch was stunned. He’d been expecting devastating news but nothing prepared him for this and every instinct in him protested the reality.

“Starsky, I want to know what’s going on.” Strange how he felt numb, no anger or distress, not even disbelief, just numb. Starsky couldn’t die; he wasn’t going to let him. There must be some terrible mistake. The Will, his general appearance — no something was wrong, but it couldn’t be this.

“I told you! I said I wouldn’t be fucking alive! I can’t talk about this anymore.” Starsky did just what he promised himself he would not do, and broke down. He lay back on the bed, with the tears now running freely down his face.

“Starsky? I’m really confused here. Can you help me out a little bit? What do you mean? I don’t get it!” Hutch couldn’t get his mind around the terrible words, or the truth that was facing him.

“It’s over Hutch. Everything is finished — well I am anyway. I’m sorry.”

Hutch pulled Starsky into his arms, not certain who was holding who up. Hutch was holding a very pale, weak and upset Starsky in his arms. The arms that held Hutch were trembling and holding on as though they never wanted to let go. Hutch could feel the panic starting to build in him, but he fought it back. This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t going to happen. Starsky was not going to… He couldn’t even bring himself to think the word.

“C’mon, Starsk. I’m gonna take you home and put you to bed. Apart from anything else you’re exhausted.”

Starsky didn’t object and allowed himself to be helped up and out to the car. Huggy watched the two men walking down the steps and felt his own heart break. There was something bad going on. Starsky didn’t notice him, but Hutch did and just quickly nodded at him. Huggy knew he’d be called when it was possible. The grim expression on the blond’s face did nothing to comfort him.

The drive to Starsky’s was a silent one. Hutch’s head was hurting but he ignored his dizziness and remaining nausea. Starsky was all that mattered to him. When they finally arrived home, Hutch stripped his partner of the jeans and t-shirt and carefully tucked him under the covers, making him as comfortable as possible. Seeing the too thin and bruised body made him feel ill with fear. Something really bad was happening. He then sat on the bed beside his partner, feeling numb and confused, fighting back the major panic that he was starting to feel.

“Starsky, tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me buddy. How can all this happen so quickly?”

Starsky could see the tears in Hutch’s eyes, just waiting to overflow. He knew his partner was just as scared as he was. He removed his stiff arms from under the covers and reached for Hutch’s hands.

“Hutch, I don’t know what happened. I was fine, feeling really good. Dobey sent me for my annual physical while you were away. They did all of the routine blood tests and they came back abnormal. Doc said it was caused by something having to do with the Professor’s poison.”

“They’re wrong. They cured you. I found the antidote and you recovered. Something is going on here. They can do the blood tests over. They’re gonna do the blood tests again! They must have made a mistake! You’re not sick! You’re just worn out. You’ve probably been staying up all night watching those damn horror movies and living on junk food… You’re just run down, that’s all.” Or was he? The nosebleed, the terrible bruise on his arm and chest, weight loss from a body that didn’t need to lose weight, obvious weakness — but it certainly came on fast enough. Starsky had been fine when he left for Duluth, otherwise he would never have left him.

“I thought so too, Hutch. I had them done three times. They came back the same each time. The doc tested my bone marrow and that test came back real abnormal too.” Starsky trailed off, becoming to choked up and scared to go on.

“Aw, babe, why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been here in a minute.”

“I didn’t want you to know, Hutch. I kept thinking they had to be wrong, and I, I was so damn scared. You have enough going on, you don’t need this. I didn’t want you to know, either. I needed time but time seems to be running out real fast. I couldn’t even leave town. Sorry, babe!”

“Starsky! You’re more important to me than anything in this world. Please don’t close me out. We’re gonna fight this thing. You only have to be sorry for trying to run out on me, not for whatever’s happening here!” Hutch chuckled softly at the confused look on Starsky’s face. “I guess I’m not making too much sense, but I know what I mean! Anyway, there has to be something they can do.” Hutch ignored the latter part of Starsky’s statement, about time running out too fast. He didn’t want to think about that. He was just glad Starsky hadn’t managed to leave town, even though the reason horrified him.

“There’s not a whole lot of time, Hutch. Doc says three months, if I’m lucky. It’s over, partner.”

“NO! You’re, we’re, gonna fight this! I’m gonna talk to your doctor in the morning. Can I get you anything, Starsky?”

“No, just being here is enough. I’m really sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean it. You know that, don’t you? And I am sorry that I tried to run out. Wanted to spare you some pain, you know that, right Hutch?”

“Starsk, of course I do. I didn’t mean to yell at you either. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I started it.” Starsky smiled and grasped Hutch’s hands tighter.

“I’m gonna stay here tonight, Starsk. I’ll be out on the couch. I want you to call me if you need anything. This is why you wanted to go to the mountains?”

“Yeah, I wanted to do somethin’ for you but it ain’t gonna happen. It seems to be getting worse pretty quickly. Maybe you can go to the mountains, after…”

Hutch closed his eyes in despair. God! This isn’t real! Please… no! This couldn’t be happening, it was a nightmare.

“What about Dobey?” Starsky’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Dobey will have to cope!”

“Thanks, buddy.” Starsky was too weak to argue with his protective partner and felt comforted knowing Hutch would be near. He was a bit concerned about the lack of real emotion from Hutch, but he knew that his partner was fighting shock. God, they both were. The explosion when it came would be shattering for both of them.

Hutch closed the bedroom door partially, and absent-mindedly went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Sitting at the kitchen table numb, not wanting to believe what he had just heard. He put his head in his hands and quietly cried. I can’t lose you buddy. There has to be a mistake. I almost lost you six months ago! I’m not gonna lose you now babe, I’m not!

 

Chapter 7

After many long hours of thought, disbelief and prayers, Hutch finally fell into a restless sleep on Starsky’s couch, only to fall into one nightmare after another about losing Starsky. He woke up shaking, sweating and crying more than once. Finally giving up on getting any rest, Hutch got up at dawn, made a pot of coffee and took a shower. He had a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt in Starsky’s closet and quietly crept into the bedroom to get them, trying not to wake his partner. He stood watching Starsky sleep for a long time, wondering again how something so devastating could happen so quickly and with no warning. He had to admit that Starsky wasn’t looking well, not well at all. He looked like a sick little boy. With tears in his eyes he pulled the sheet up over Starsky’s shoulders and slipped out of the bedroom.

Starsky was still asleep when Hutch was ready to leave to see Dr. Cassel about Starsky’s condition. He was going to demand answers.

He headed for the hospital.

 

Starsky woke, hearing the start of Hutch’s car. Almost too weak to get up, he lay in bed thinking of what his short future held. It was bleak and very dark. He knew it was time for another tablet so he forced himself to take one. Almost immediately, he rolled onto his side and held his cramping stomach, trying to push the feeling of nausea away. Everything hurt and he was so weak. The shortness of breath scared him and the near panic gave him the strength to get out of bed. That small exertion caused him to wheeze and cough. Tears came to his eyes when he realized he was coughing up blood. He let himself fall back into the bed. It was all happening so fast. He wondered if he would even live the three months that the doctor told him he might. It didn’t seem likely. His chest was tight and his head was pounding. He needed Hutch, but knew Hutch had gone out. He reached for the phone and fumbled until he could dial Huggy’s number.

“This is the Bear.”

“Hug…”

“Starsky? You okay? You don’t sound too good.” Huggy was relieved to hear from Starsky but there was something in his voice that caused him alarm.

“No — I’m not okay. Think you could stop over?”

“I’ll be right over, my friend. Do you want me to track Hutch down? Can I get you anything?”

“No… just come… hurry, Hug. Hutch had to go out… please hurry…”

Huggy had a bad feeling. Starsky sounded scared, sick and his voice was so weak. He dropped what he was doing and headed for Starsky’s place.

 

Hutch burst into Dr. Cassel’s office unannounced and angry.

“Ken? What are you doing? I have patients to see!”

“They’ll have to wait! You’re treating Starsky! He told me what you said, what the blood tests showed. Is he really that sick? Three months? That can’t be right!”

“Ken, please have a seat.” Dr. Cassel alerted his nurse that he would be running a bit late and that he didn’t want to be interrupted.

“I want to know what’s going on, doc. Starsky was doing fine! How could this happen! Couldn’t you be wrong?”

“I wish I was, Ken. We repeated the blood tests three times and all of the findings were the same. The results of the bone marrow aspiration came back positive also. David is suffering from a rare blood disorder; caused most likely from the poison he was subjected to six months ago. He’s very sick, Ken. I’m sorry. Three months is being optimistic, he may have even less time. I gave him medicine to help his blood to clot, but it’s not a cure.”

“Please, doc, there has to be something you can do. Please.”

Doctor Cassel looked at the defeated man in front of him, having no words of comfort to offer. “Ken, I know how close you and David are. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes it stinks! Like now. Would you consider attending a support group? We have a support group for family and friends of terminally ill loved ones.”

“NO! Starsky is going to live!”

“Ken, I know how hard this is…”

“NO damn it! You don’t know how hard this is! I’m losing my best friend! He’s all I have, doc. Without Starsky I’m nothing! I can’t even conceive going on without him next to me.”

“I’d like to see David this afternoon. I want him to have a blood transfusion, at least one pint. I’ve already got him typed and cross-matched. The transfusion will make him feel better.”

“He’ll be here. I’m staying with him.”

“Of course, Ken, you can stay with him.” Dr. Cassel knew he would not be able to comfort the forlorn blond. He got up, squeezed Hutch’s shoulder and left the room. Little did Hutch know that Dr. Cassel was hoping for the response he got from the blond and even enjoying it. The plan was working out beautifully.

 

Chapter 9

Huggy arrived at Starsky’s in record time and ran up the stairs to the door, taking two steps at a time. He found Starsky in his bed, sheets covered in blood.

“Starsky! Starsky, please wake up! I don’t know what to do! God! Hutch, where are you!”

As if on queue, Huggy heard Hutch entering the apartment.

“Hutch! Get in here! Quick!”

Hutch ran into the bedroom, seeing Huggy leaning over a very pale, lethargic and bloody Starsky. Starsky opened his eyes and looked at Hutch with panic in his eyes, but was unable to speak.

“Call an ambulance, Huggy! NOW!”

Huggy did as he was told while Hutch grabbed a cool and wet cloth to clean Starsky up. He did his best to remain calm. He had to — for Starsky. “C’mon, babe, you stay with me you hear? Everything is gonna be okay.”

The ambulance was there within minutes and quickly loaded the now unconscious dark haired man into the back of the ambulance, along with the frantic blond. Hutch stayed with Starsky when they brought him into the emergency room. The nurses knew both detectives and knew better than to tell Hutch to go to the waiting area. Dr. Cassel was there upon their arrival.

“Ken? What happened to David?”

“I… I’m not sure, doc. When I got home he was in bed, lying in his own blood. He couldn’t talk. Please help him.”

“We’ll do our best, Ken.”

Dr. Cassel ordered a blood transfusion stat, as he knew Starsky’s blood count was very low. Starsky was admitted to the hospital for the transfusion and observation.

“He should be able to go home in the morning Ken, unless you want us to keep him here? He can’t take care of himself anymore. He’ll need a lot of help.”

“He hates hospitals, doc. I’m taking him home. We’ll manage. I can take care of him. I don’t want him to be anymore scared than he already is. Just tell me what to do.”

“Okay, if you need a nurse to come in, we can arrange that, but you can certainly take him home in the morning. He’s lost a lot of blood, but the transfusions will help.”

“Where did it come from this time doc? He didn’t have a nosebleed and didn’t get sick to his stomach.”

“From my assessment and examination, the blood came from David’s lungs. He coughed it up. It’s good you got to him when you did. Now why don’t you go to David, I have some phone calls to make. Oh, I’ll stop by to see David at home day after tomorrow. I don’t usually make house calls, but for you and David, I’ll make an exception.”

“Thanks, doc.” Hutch stood on the other side of the curtain from where his partner was resting, gathering the courage to be strong for him. He didn’t want to fall apart in front of Starsky.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Hu… Hutch?” Starsky weakly reached for his friend.

“How are you feelin’, buddy?”

“Terrific! I’m just fine.” Starsky’s eyes were beginning to close once again, but he fought to stay awake. He wanted to spend every moment he had left with his best friend.

“What am I gonna do with you? Can’t leave you alone for a minute.”

“I know what you’re trying to do and thanks, but you don’t have to try so hard. We both know what’s going down here. I think we should talk about some things, Hutch. I mean after I’m g…”

“Starsky, No! Somehow, someway, you are going to live! They’re gonna give you a blood transfusion and admit you to the hospital. It’ll help you to feel better.”

“Hutch… I don’t want to stay in the hospital! Please… please don’t make me. Take me home… please, Hutch!” Hutch always found it hard to resist the pleading when Starsky started on him, and this was no exception. Even though it was breaking his heart.

“Shh… It’s okay, Starsk. You only have to stay over night and I’m gonna stay right here with you. We can go home in the morning. Promise.”

“Prom… promise…” Starsky was trailing off, exhausted and powerless.

“I promise, buddy. I’ll take you home.”

Hutch sat at Starsky’s side as the nurse started the IV and started the blood transfusion. Starsky didn’t even flinch when the needle was inserted. Hutch watched his friend — dying, hoping he at least didn’t have any pain, but he could see in Starsky’s eyes that he did. It was going to be a long night.

 

Chapter 10

Before the night was over, Starsky had received two pints of blood. Dr. Cassel had been in to check on his patient earlier in the evening.

“David, the nurse was on her way in with your medicine, but I was coming to see you anyway. We need to keep up with this course of action.”

“You keep up with it. I can’t. It won’t stay down.”

“I know, David, I’ve decided that you should continue on the medication in injection form.”

“Nooooo!” Starsky wailed. He was weak, sick and hurting. “Just let me alone… please. It’s not gonna help anyway. Nothing’s gonna help!”

“David, we can’t give up. We’re trying to get your blood to clot with this medicine. We can’t rule out miracles. I’ll need you to roll onto your side for me.”

Starsky was too sick to care and tried to roll onto his side. Hutch helped him as he saw Starsky was struggling. Starsky moaned as the needle pierced his skin and the medicine burned. He wanted the pain to stop, the medication just made him feel so much worse. He found he was sobbing but was unaware of the fact.

“Doc?” Hutch looked searchingly at doctor Cassel.

“I’m sorry.” Doctor Cassel mouthed silently to Hutch.

Hutch made sure Starsky was comfortable and took his place beside his bed, never letting go of his partner’s hand. By morning Starsky did have more color in his cheeks and was more alert. After receiving discharge instructions, Hutch took his friend home.

 

The ride home was taken in silence. Starsky was still very tired and his thoughts were elsewhere, far away. Hutch wanted to say so much, but couldn’t say anything. Once inside, Hutch helped Starsky get settled into his bed.

“Can I get anything for you Starsk?” Hutch wanted to do something, anything for his defeated partner.

“No.”

“You wanna talk?”

Starsky shook his head ‘no’, and rolled onto his side, away from Hutch.

“Hey, c’mon, Starsk.” Hutch’s heart ached for his partner as he saw Starsky upper body and shoulders shake. He knew he was crying.

“I’m okay, Hutch.” Starsky tried to sound brave. He knew what all of this was doing to him and knew that Hutch was hurting and scared too. He didn’t have any words of comfort or hope to offer his caring friend, and hoped Hutch wouldn’t probe.

“Aw, buddy. I wish I could do something. I’m your partner, your friend. I want to be able to help you.”

Starsky could hear the tears in Hutch’s voice and knew he needed talk to Hutch. He needed Hutch period. He let himself roll onto his back, next to where his partner was sitting on the side of the bed, revealing his tear-stained face.

“I’m not ready.”

“I know, buddy, I know. Neither am I.” Hutch ran his hand through the thick curls that made his partner unique.

“There’s supposed to be a purpose for everything that happens. I can’t find one here, Hutch. I’m just not ready to die. I’m scared. I’m really scared.”

“What about a second opinion, Starsk? Even a third!”

“It’s already been done. Doc Cassel sent the blood tests to two other labs and to two other doctors, one in Ohio and another in Texas. They all say the same thing. It’s no use.”

“We’re not giving up, Starsk. There has to be a way, something they can do.”

Starsky knew Hutch’s heart was in the right place, and wished he could do something to ease the agony he saw in his partner’s eyes. He couldn’t and didn’t know what more to say. He hated to see Hutch hurting and this time there was not a thing he could do to help that hurt. He closed his eyes, pretending to have fallen asleep.

Hutch took a seat in a chair that Starsky had in his room next to the window, and stared into the world that kept going on outside, his own world coming to an end inside. He couldn’t deny that Starsky was seriously ill and it did look like he was going to lose him.

 

Chapter 11

“Pharmacy, may I help you?”

“Yes, this is Dr. Cassel, I need to speak with the pharmacist, Dr. Davis.”

“Certainly, one moment.”

Cassel waited nervously, knowing what he was doing was wrong, insensitive, and in no uncertain terms, murder. But the price he was offered had been right, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity. He wondered if Dr. Davis was being paid as highly as he was.

“Dr. Davis here.”

“Davis, this is Dr. Cassel. I need you to mix up a prescription for our patient, David Starsky. I need the medicine in injection form, he’s too sick now to keep the pills in his stomach. Prepare at least ten syringes. I’ll pick them up later and deliver them to Starsky’s home. I’ve talked the blond into allowing a visiting nurse come in twice a day to administer the medicine. They’ll never know what’s really in the syringes.”

“Do they have any clue?”

“No, I’ve listened closely, and as far as I can tell, they both think Starsky is dying of ‘natural’ causes. They don’t suspect anything. I’ve covered all of our bases. At first I was using someone else’s blood test results in place of Starsky’s normal ones, but at this point, I can just use his own. He’s going down fast. He’s not gonna live the three months that I told him he would. He’s a very sick man. Each injection will make him worse.”

“You know that Hutchinson will demand an autopsy! And legally hospital and AMA rules and regulations will require one!”

“Hutchinson will be too heartbroken at first to cause too much trouble. Starsky will then be taken care of before his partner can do anything. I’ll make sure that the ‘scheduled’ autopsy never happens. We can fudge that just like everything else we’re doing.”

“I’ll have the medicine prepared for you in one hour. You still want to use the same dosages of Coumadin and HCT?”

“Absolutely! No need to change the dosages, Starsky won’t be with us for too much longer. I’d give him two weeks at the most, and that is being very generous. He’s bleeding to death. I fully expect him to go into DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation), and then his blood won’t be able to clot at all. We’re looking at a major hemorrhage for our dear friend; it’s only a matter of time.

 

It had been two days since Starsky received his last blood transfusion and was once again showing signs of needing another. The nurses came as scheduled to give the injections to Starsky, and Hutch never left his partner’s side. Starsky had a couple of nosebleeds and had started bleeding from his gums, but the bleeding was not too bad and didn’t last too long. Hutch was there each time to make sure Starsky got cleaned up as fast as possible and to calm him. Each time Starsky started to bleed, it was a dark reminder that their time was running out.

“Hutch?” Starsky’s voice at it strongest was now only barely above a whisper.

“I’m here, buddy. What can I do for ya?”

“What time is it?”

“It’s about five pm, why?”

“We’d just be getting off work, if things were okay, huh?”

“Yeah, unless Dobey grabbed us as we were heading out the door, like he often does.”

“What’s the date?”

“I think it’s 2nd or 3rd, I’m not sure. Why, buddy?”

“I’m gonna miss your birthday this year, Hutch. I’m sorry.”

“Starsk, don’t talk like that, huh?” Hutch looked away, wiping at the tears he could not contain.

“I wanted to get you something special. I had an idea.” Starsky closed his eyes; the short conversation had taken what little strength he had.

“Starsky, the only thing I want for my birthday is you. Without you, I don’t give a damn about my birthday, or any other day for that matter. You gotta keep fighting, Starsk.”

“I really thought we could go to the mountains, have a great time together for one last time.”

Hutch choked back a sob. He knew they wouldn’t be going to the mountains.

“You surprise me, buddy! Thought you’d prefer a resort with bikini clad girls hovering…”

“If the holiday was for me, yeah, but this one was for you, babe. But I can’t even do it for you now…”

Hutch closed his eyes in despair, not knowing how to respond.

“I’m sorry, Hutch. I need to sleep now. Will you stay with me?”

“I’ll be right here.”

“No, I mean can you hold me? I wanna be close to you. I need to know you’re right beside me.” Starsky’s real fear was that he would die in the very near future and when his time was up, he wanted to be with Hutch. He knew he wouldn’t be so scared with Hutch there. It was far too late to worry about causing Hutch further pain. He knew his partner would be there until the end and there was nothing he could do to spare him. Maybe this would provide some comfort to them both.

“Of course, bronco, gonna share the covers with me?”

“Yeah, thanks. I won’t feel so scared this way.”

Hutch helped Starsky to move over a bit, fitting himself close to his partner and taking him in his arms. The closeness felt good. Starsky rested his weary head onto Hutch’s chest. I love you, Starsky, please keep fighting. Please live. Hutch held Starsky close, rubbing his back to try and calm him and kissed the head that rested on his chest. Starsky seemed to relax a little in his partner’s hold.

 

Chapter 12

Hutch stayed with Starsky constantly, only leaving the room to get supplies to help Starsky with his basic needs, and to get him soft foods, liquids and ice chips, most of which he never touched. Three more days had gone by and Starsky had become weaker and sicker. He couldn’t even move himself in bed without Hutch’s help. The nurses gave him an injection for pain when they visited, in addition to the medicine prescribed by Dr. Cassel. It horrified Hutch to see how much worse Starsky was after the medication was given but there was nothing he could do.

Hutch wanted to scream and break things, throw things and he cursed at a God he could not see. He kept his crying silent, trying to remain strong for his partner, who always could sense when he was near. It became routine for Hutch to hold onto Starsky in his bed.

The sunset was beautiful that night. Hutch made sure Starsky saw it and how beautiful it really was. Starsky could see it from his bed. They talked about the beautiful things in life, things that meant something to them. Hutch did most of the talking, as Starsky no longer had the energy. But Hutch knew what his friend was thinking or wanted to say. The unique sixth sense they shared together had not been taken away, not yet anyway.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it, Starsk? Such pretty colors.”

Starsky looked up into Hutch’s eyes, and nodded in agreement, even forcing a small smile. He soon drifted off to sleep, once again feeling safe in Hutch’s arms.

Hutch was glad to see his partner smile, but something about the way Starsky looked at him scared him. Hutch couldn’t shake the feeling that Starsky was beginning to say goodbye. Sleep did not come easy for the distraught blond, but he too eventually fell into a light slumber.

Hours later, Hutch woke feeling something was wrong. He turned on the small lamp on the bedside table, to check on his partner.

“Oh God. Starsky? Starsk? Wake up for me.”

Panic rose in Hutch’s heart when he saw that a significant amount of blood had oozed from a nosebleed Starsky was having. The blood had soaked Hutch’s shirt. He made sure Starsky was in a position where he would not choke on his own blood, and called an ambulance. He then attempted to stop the bleeding, holding pressure on the bridge of Starsky’s nose. He soon found himself at the hospital once again, waiting for Starsky to wake up, watching as the nurses started to infuse another pint of blood into his pale partner and waited for Dr. Cassel. He just stared at his unconscious partner, making sure his chest was rising and falling. Suddenly Starsky began to vomit blood and bleed from his nose again. Nurses flooded the room, making Hutch stand away from the bed. The nurses worked diligently to help their patient and within minutes, a resident doctor who was working in the intensive care unit that night was calling out orders and making a quick assessment of just how bad Starsky’s present condition was. Hutch noticed, as the nurses turned Starsky onto his side for the resident, that Starsky had started bleeding from all orifices. He was hemorrhaging.

The resident seemed to know what he was doing. He barked out orders. “Get the lab in here stat! I want a CBC with diff, a T-leukocyte count, cell surface antigen studies, a PTT, platelet count and ABG’s stat! Get an NG tube ready; we’re going to have to get the blood out of his stomach! Turn the oxygen up to 6 liters and I want a portable chest x-ray! Also, call the lab for at least four more pints of blood. Get his vital signs!”

Hutch stood at the bottom of Starsky’s bed, holding onto his friend’s feet, willing him to live, hoping that holding on to him would mean that he could keep him with him. He wasn’t nearly ready to say goodbye, he knew he never would be. He had tears running down his face as he watched his partner slipping from this world. Starsky had not regained consciousness, was extremely pale and so still. His condition was severely compromised. The nurses elevated the foot of Starsky bed as the doctor ordered that the bed be put into a trendelenburg position in an attempt to raise his blood pressure, which was falling rapidly.

The resident, doctor Alge, looked up at Hutch, seeing tears, sensing the dread and fear he was holding. He gave a small, empathetic smile and continued to work on the failing man in the bed.

“Doc? Is this it?”

“No, Mr.–”

“Hutchinson, Ken Hutchinson, David is my best friend. Can you — can you help him?”

“We’re gonna try, Ken. David’s blood pressure is dangerously low and he is hemorrhaging. His condition is extremely critical, but we’re doing everything we can. The blood test results should be back in a couple minutes and I’ll be able to tell you more then. Why don’t you have a seat, Mr. Hutchinson? You’re looking a bit pale yourself.”

Before Hutch knew what was happening, he found himself being seated in a chair in the corner of the room, someone gently pushing his head down between his knees. He knew he was very close to passing out himself.

 

Chapter 13

The blood test results were delivered to Dr. Alge within the hour. He had had time to read over Starsky’s medical records and recent, previous test results. The test results he held in his hand now, just delivered from the lab, and the ones in Starsky’s chart did not make sense and had him very concerned. The resident looked over Starsky’s medical history and then called his superior, Dr. Wells for a second opinion. After conferring with Dr. Wells, they gave immediate new orders to treat Starsky’s condition and called Hutch into a nearby office where they would not be disturbed. Dr. Wells remembered Starsky and Hutch from previous visits to the hospital, clearly remembering when Starsky had been treated for a poison that was meant to kill him within 24 hours. He admired Hutch for never giving up and ultimately saving his friends life.

“Ken, it’s nice to see you again, but certainly not under these circumstances. We’ve tried to contact Dr. Cassel, who has been treating David, but were not able to locate him. I’m extremely concerned about the results of David’s latest blood tests.”

“Can you help him, doc? Please? Doc Cassel said Starsky got sick as a result of the poison he was injected with six months ago. I don’t understand.”

“Ken, sit down. I’ve called in the Chief of Staff and this will be investigated. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think that David has been poisoned again. Slowly, and whoever did this wanted him to suffer. I can see he’s suffered badly.”

“What? Tell me what’s going on.”

Dr. Alge and Dr. Wells sat close to the pale blond figure in front of them and told him of their findings.

“Ken, David has slipped into a condition where his blood no longer has the ability to clot. It’s a dangerous bleeding disorder. He’s hemorrhaging. We need to work fast or he will die. We know the cause of the bleeding, which caused him to lapse into this condition. We’re going to do everything we can to help David, and now that we know the cause, we might be able to save him.”

“But I thought… Bellamy’s poison… six months ago…”

“No, Ken, David did not get sick from the poison he was subjected to six months ago. He’s been given medications that made him sick, medications that would have eventually killed him. I just hope it’s not too late.”

“What was he given?” Hutch had a hard time believing what he was being told. His mouth was dry and he was trembling. He held onto the arms of the chair for balance, as dizziness struggled to overcome him. Someone was trying to kill Starsky, kill him in a most painful way.

Dr. Wells considered how much he should tell Hutch at this time, but knew and respected both detectives. He decided to tell him the truth.

“Ken, I’m calling in the authorities. I believe that someone wanted David dead, and wanted him to suffer. We almost lost him once tonight; we’re starting a different method of treatment on him. I won’t lie to you Ken, it might be too late, but we’re going to do everything we can.”

“Are you saying that doctor Cassel poisoned Starsky?”

“Yes. He must have had an accomplice though to get the correct mixture and dosage of the drugs.”

“What… what has Starsky been given?”

“David has been given Coumadin, a major blood thinner along with HCT, hydrochlorothyazide, a medicine used to treat high blood pressure. That is why David has been bleeding and his blood pressure is so low. He was in great shape, that is before he was sent to see Dr. Cassel. Cassel slowly and methodically had David taking medicine that he certainly did not need. I’m surprised that David is still alive! Many people would have died much sooner. He must have a strong will to live. I’m starting David on a treatment plan of replacement therapy of the coagulation factors. We’ll be transfusing him with fibrinogen. The nurses have already started the transfusions on David. All we can do now is monitor him and pray that this works and that it is not too late.”

“He’s strong, doc. He’ll fight and he’ll make it.” Hutch was caught between disbelief, terror and grief. He tried to hold back his tears, but didn’t care if anyone saw him cry. His best friend might still die and a doctor they trusted had betrayed them both, especially Starsky.

“Ken, are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks, doc. I need to call my captain and tell him to get down here right away. Then I need to be with my partner. I’ll make him fight this thing.”

“I’ve already called Dobey for you. I want to talk to him as well. Why don’t you go and be with David. He needs you, he’ll know you’re there.”

 

Chapter 14

Hutch sat with Starsky, stunned and shocked beyond words. That someone would so deliberately set out to cause his partner this immense pain was hard to comprehend. What did they do that was so wrong? They were cops, they arrested the bad guys, but they also attracted the hatred of all the known nuts in LA. It was bad enough being shot, beaten up, even Starsky’s previous poisoning faded into almost insignificance when compared to this cold hearted, well planned, brutal assault. To give him a death sentence, to watch him suffer and hurt like this, was something that Hutch couldn’t even begin to get his mind around. God help Cassel if and when he got his hands on him. Part of him wanted to go out to find him, but the other part, felt the need to stay with Starsky, to hold on to him as tightly as he could, to never let him go. He couldn’t leave — not yet, not while Starsky’s life still hung in the balance.

“Starsk? Can you hear me, buddy?” Hutch stroked his hand through the thick curls that were his partner’s trademark. “Buddy, don’t give up on me okay? I’m right here. Doc says you’re gonna be just fine. They’re giving you the medicine you need to get better right now. The right medicine. Please fight, Starsk. Please… We still have a trip to take… to the mountains, remember?”

Nurses and doctors worked furiously on the critically ill man in the bed, starting more IV’s, infusing more blood, and attaching more monitors. Hutch was moved away when Starsky began to wheeze and struggled for breath. The wheezing and struggling stopped as Starsky’s fight for life ceased. Alarms sounded and screamed through Hutch’s heart, as the nurses and doctors brought the crash cart next to Starsky’s bed, tearing open packages that held medical supplies and pulling out even more medical equipment. It was all so terrifying.

“NOOOO! Starsky! Fight! Fight damn it! Breathe! Please, buddy, don’t leave me! You can do this! Breathe! I’m right here! I’m right here…”

Hutch was taken, reluctantly, into the nearby waiting room, where a nurse stayed with him. She was unable to get through to the blond who continued to cry and repeat the word “no” over and over.

“Please, Miss, I need to be with him! Please don’t keep me away. He needs me and he’ll know I’m there. We both promised each other, a long time ago, that we wouldn’t let the other one d…die alone.” Hutch began to crumble and broke free from the grip that the nurse had on him. He was going to be with his partner. He needed to say goodbye.

“Ken, please.” The nurse tried to reason with him. “It’s better you don’t see him like this. There’s nothing more you can do. He’ll be at peace soon… no more suffering. He knows your heart is with him.” The nurse who knew both detectives from previous visits had tears in her own eyes. Dr. Alge arrived on the scene just as Hutch was clutching the doorframe to prevent himself from falling over. He was no longer thinking rationally. He felt his own life slipping away along with his partner’s, and welcomed it. There would be no life for Kenneth Hutchinson, not without Starsky.

“Doc? Starsky? Is he–?”

“Ken, I want you to sit down, before you fall down. C’mon, I’m the one who’s gonna have to pick you up. Now sit.”

Hutch couldn’t argue, he had no strength left. He braced himself as well as he could. He knew Dr. Alge came to tell him that Starsky had died and that they couldn’t save him. An overwhelming sense of grief washed over him and he felt he would be sick.

“I need to be with him, doc. Even if he won’t know I’m there. I have to be with him. Please don’t try to stop me.”

Dr. Alge’s heart went out to the grief stricken man. He sat on the table in front of the chair Hutch was placed in and took both of hysterical man’s hands in his own. “Ken, David is not dead. He’s in critical condition and his vital signs are very unstable, but he’s hanging on. We’ve gotta keep the faith… believe in him, Ken. He’s a fighter. He’s made it this far. I don’t know how, but he did, and we won’t give up. We’re doing everything we can possibly do to help him. The next 24 hours will tell us a lot. You can be with him and I’ll let the staff know that they’re not to try and make you leave. I think the best medicine for David is you. Talk to him, Ken. Let him know you’re near, and that you believe in him.”

“I’ll always believe in him, doc. Always have, always will. When you came in I thought you were going to tell me he was gone. I couldn’t have handled that.”

“I know… I know, Ken. I had to hook David up to a respirator. Don’t be alarmed when you see him like that. It was the only way. He wasn’t breathing on his own anymore. It’s only temporary until he is strong enough to breathe on his own again.”

“Just tell me that he has a chance, doc. That’s all I need to know.” A few more tears escaped the sky blue eyes before Hutch made a serious attempt to collect himself. He would somehow find the strength he needed to be there for Starsky. He drank the glass of orange juice that the nurse insisted he drink and taken back into the intensive care room that held his best friend.

 

Chapter 15

The nurse assisted Hutch back into Starsky’s room and sat him on a chair, carefully placed between all of the IV’s and other equipment, next to Starsky’s bed. Dr. Alge asked that the nurses keep a close eye on the blond as well, knowing how close the two men were and also knowing that if Starsky lost his battle for life, Hutch may very well follow closely behind.

Hutch looked around at all of the new medical equipment that was now surrounding Starsky, knowing it was necessary, but terrifying regardless. The respirator was the worst. Hutch knew his friend was in serious trouble and that he needed the breathing apparatus, but seeing Starsky this way was so hard. He watched his partner’s chest rise and fall to the rhythmic sound of the machine, praying it wouldn’t stop. Almost reluctantly, he took Starsky’s cold hand in his own warm one and began to pray.

“Hutch?”

Hutch didn’t hear his name being called; he was too focused on the pale man lying in the bed in front of him. He turned as he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

“Cap’n. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” Hutch didn’t say anything more, but turned back to make sure that Starsky’s chest was still rising and falling, making sure he was still alive.

“Hutch, I’m sorry. We must keep the faith. He’s strong, Hutch, we both know that. God help him.” The last sentence slipped out as more of negative connotation and didn’t go unnoticed by the blond detective.

“Damn it!” Hutch hissed softly “Everyone’s telling me to keep the faith! There’s a good chance he’s not gonna make it, Cap’n. Where was this God everyone’s talking about when my partner was slowly being poisoned to death! Where was He when he was suffering, in severe pain, hurting and bleeding! Huh? Where the hell was this God then?” Hutch had spoken softly enough for Starsky not to hear him, but knew he had to calm down and get control over his anger. He remembered being told that the hearing is the last sense to leave a dying person. He didn’t want Starsky to hear his anger and his fear.

“Hutch, listen son, I know how hard this is. I lost a partner…”

“I’m not losing him, Cap’n!” Hutch knew he was reaching his breaking point and didn’t intend to take out his anger on his superior. He just wanted to be alone with his partner. He had things to say to him, personal things he only wanted to share with Starsky. He didn’t know how much time they had left.

“Hutch…” Captain Dobey squeezed Hutch’s shoulder gently again “I’m sorry, son, I didn’t mean that the way it must have sounded. I just know how scared you are. I’m scared too. But he’s gonna make it. Dave’s gonna be all right.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m just wired. He’s gotta be okay, cap’n. He’s a good man. He never did anything to deserve this, and there’s so much we… he wanted to do in this life yet. We had so many plans… He wanted to take a vacation with me, in the mountains. You know how he hates the woods but he’d go, just for me…” Hutch couldn’t go on, his emotions were threatening to take over, and he wanted to be strong. He held on tighter to the lifeless hand that he held in his own. “I’d like to be alone with him now. You mind, cap’n?”

“I understand son. Remember, Starsky’s gonna pull through. Someone has to be around to take care of you!” Dobey smiled “I don’t think anyone else could handle that job! I’ll be close by if you need me.”

Hutch didn’t notice that Dobey had left the room, as he was too focused on the frail form in the bed. He needed to hold onto the hope that Starsky would live, but had so much to say to him if he should lose his struggle for life. He was exhausted. It seemed like only yesterday that he and Starsky were chasing down the bad guys, busting down a few doors. He thought of how he had always tormented his partner about the Tomato, about his eating habits. He would give anything now to hear Starsky tell him off, tell him to shut up. He’d gladly let Starsky complain about his own heap of a car and to hear him ride him about his health shakes. He’d give his own life for his friend’s if he could. He listened as the monitors continued to beep and the respirator continued to keep its rhythm. Please Starsk — please live. The lost man continued his hold on the unresponsive hand in his own.

“Starsk? Not sure if you can hear me, buddy, but try okay?” Hutch took a deep breath, trying to sound strong just in case Starsky could hear him. He believed he could and would.

“Buddy, I need you to fight this thing. I know you can do it. Just know that I’m here with you. Together we’ll beat this Starsk. Just don’t give up huh? You still owe me a trip to the mountains remember? I need you to share my birthday with me — and every day. God I need ya, buddy. I’m sorry if I’ve been hard on you. You know me, moody, distant — I know I can be a bastard at times. But you understand me, Starsk. You always understand me. No one else would put up with me buddy, so you gotta stick around. I love you, Starsky. I know you know that — right? I should have told you more often. I just didn’t think that… well, I just didn’t think! Feel me holding onto your hand? I want you to take strength from me, Starsk. You take all you need, buddy. I’ll give it all to you.” Hutch put his head down on their clasped hands and concentrated on giving Starsky life.

 

Chapter 16

Hutch woke up with a start. His neck was aching from the uncomfortable position. He looked at the hand he was still holding and then slowly up at the sleeping face. Was it his imagination? Or was there a little more color in Starsky’s face? He leaned over and stroked the unruly curls back off Starsky’s forehead. There was no doubt, he wasn’t as warm as he had been.

“Starsk?” Hutch whispered, “Please wake up, babe. This is getting kind of old, me waiting here for you to wake up. I need you to wake up now…” Hutch almost felt his own heart slow down as he noticed Starsky starting to wake up.

Starsky looked into Hutch’s eyes. He couldn’t speak. He felt so weak but the sight of Hutch leaning over him with such a mixture of terror and hope made him want to reach out. He lifted his hand, which Hutch grabbed again with force.

“That’s it, buddy, you hang on and you hang on tight. You’ve been very sick but you’re gonna be okay… He is, isn’t he?” Hutch looked up hopefully at the doctor who just entered.

“Let’s just take a look at our patient.” Hutch was asked to leave and started pacing impatiently. He was sure Starsky was better, he knew he was, and he couldn’t believe otherwise. Starsky had become so frail, so quickly, but he refused to believe he wouldn’t survive. He couldn’t die, not now, not after coming so far. Anyone other than his stubborn, pig-headed partner would have died. Hutch fought back his terror as he continued with his pacing. He looked up, with such an expression of desperation, the doctor sighed. He saw many people during the normal course of his day, and many different relationships. This friendship was obviously something very special and strong. He was grateful he didn’t have to break terrible news to the blond man in front of him. He looked… he wasn’t sure what the word was, but the doctor had no doubt that the death of his patient would be devastating to him.

“Mr Starsky is very weak still, and has a long way to go to regain his strength, but I do believe he’s passed the crisis point. Whoa… I think you’d best sit down, sir.” The doctor jumped forward to grab Hutch as he started to slip down. Hutch looked up at him, hardly daring to believe what he’d heard.

“He’s okay? Really?” The doctor smiled and nodded his head. Hutch seemed to find the strength he needed to stand up. He grasped the doctor’s hand and looked into the kind face. “Thank you.” Simple words, but the doctor had never heard such heartfelt warmth before. He’d like to know these two men but he shook his head mentally. He couldn’t associate with his patients. He gently directed Hutch to the door and with a last look as Hutch entered the room, he walked away. Truly relieved and delighted about the miracle that had seen his patient survive.

Starsky slept a lot over the next few days. His memories were blurred and patchy but the one constant in his life remained close to him. Every time he opened his eyes Hutch was hovering. They hadn’t spoken much, except Hutch assuring him he’d be okay. That was all he needed. Explanations could come later.

Hutch was hovering between overwhelming relief and joy and anxiety. He couldn’t seem to bring himself to leave Starsky. Even the news that Doctor Cassel and his pharmacist accomplice had been caught barely registered with him. He didn’t trust himself to think about them, the ones who had so single-mindedly and cold heartedly set about killing Starsky in the most painful way possible. The memory of Starsky telling him he was going to die would be something he would have with him for the rest of his life. It was Huggy who realized how close to the edge Hutch remained.

“Hey, bro, how’s things?” Huggy saw Hutch coming out of the men’s room. Hutch grinned weakly.

“He’s better, much better. He’s got a way to go to get his strength back but the transfusions have helped him…”

“Hutch! How are you?” Huggy looked at his friend with concern. Hutch seemed so tense, so brittle and he didn’t have Starsky to look out for him — yet.

“I’m okay…” Hutch tried to move away, always uncomfortable talking about his feelings with anyone but Starsky.

“No you’re not. You’re wrung out, spent and you need to wind down, my man. Curly’s gonna be fine…”

Hutch looked at Huggy, unsure what to say. “I know he’s gonna be okay. Do you think I don’t know that?” Hutch’s voice started to rise as he became more agitated.

“But do you know how close it was? How close to death he was…” Hutch swallowed, determined not to break down. Huggy patted his arm. He knew what Hutch needed so he started to walk back to Starsky’s room, pretending he didn’t see how emotional Hutch was. As they got to the door, Hutch, thinking he had his emotions under control, entered the room, but Huggy backed away at the last moment. It was time for his two friends to talk and to help each other again.

“Hey, blintz… what’s going on?” Starsky was sitting up and looking more alert. He was alert enough to see how strained Hutch was.

“I’m okay…” Hutch wasn’t and they both knew it. Starsky held out his hand and Hutch grabbed it, as if holding on to a lifeline. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked into the face that meant so much to him. Hutch reached out to touch the unruly curls and grinned self consciously, letting his hand drop.

“Pretty close, eh?” Starsky wasn’t sure how best to make Hutch talk to him but he intended to. He was still pretty worn out but some things couldn’t wait.

“Way too close, buddy. I thought I was gonna to lose you.” Hutch didn’t try to fight the tears this time.

“Not so easy to get rid of me, blintz.” Starsky gripped Hutch’s hand with all the strength he could muster.

“Dunno how to thank you… for giving me your strength.” Starsky struggled with the words. “You know I hate soapy scenes, but… you and me, Hutch, me and thee… You’re the most important person in my life and I don’t think I would’ve gotten through this without ya…” Hutch leaned forward so he could lift the still too thin body up and they both relaxed into the embrace. God help Cassel if I get my hands on him, thought Hutch as he felt how thin the body was. Thank you, Hutch, thank you for loving me enough to make me hold on, thought Starsky. They had lots to talk about still, lots of wounds to heal, but they had the most precious thing they needed — each other and the time with which to talk. The rest would work out, as long as they had each other. Me and thee.

END