Storms

Sometimes life is too hard, and Hutch needs to take a break.

“Hi, Dave. He’s out by the beach.”

“Thanks, Cindy! I’ll head on out and talk to him.”

Starsky walked out the double doors facing the ocean and spotted Hutch immediately. He walked over, pulled a chair up beside his partner and sat down.

“Hey buddy. How ya’ doing today?” He reached out and patted Hutch’s hand. He looked at Hutch, then out to the ocean. He took a deep breath of the clean salty air. “Man, beautiful day. They say a storm will be moving in tonight some time. Gonna be some rough surf.”

He continued to look out at the ocean, only casting Hutch an occasional glance.

“Dobey and Huggy told me to tell ya’ hello and they’re planning to come see ya’ this weekend. Edith’s got Dobey on another diet! You should see him sneaking food into his office!” Starsky laughed. “The cafeteria ladies told him they were gonna rat him out to Edith. She sends her love too.”

He felt a cool breeze come off the ocean and glanced at Hutch. “You warm enough buddy? Shoot… of course you are. Remember that stakeout when you were rolling down the windows, saying you were cooking, and I was shivering? You and your hot blood! Man, sleeping with you was like lying next to a lava flow! I never needed any blankets, just had to cuddle up with you!

“I talked to your folks yesterday. They talked about having you go back to Minnesota again. I talked them out of it…again. I told them how great you were doing and reminded them of what the doctors said. They agreed you should stay here, close to me and close to the ocean.”

Starsky had to look away from Hutch for a second. Once he got his emotions back under control, he looked back. He reached out and put his hand on Hutch’s arm. ‘I told them I appreciated them letting you stay here. And payin’ for it. I offered to sell the Torino and use the money for this place, but they said ‘no’. They’re really not as cold as they used to be to me.”

“Speaking of ‘cold’, that breeze is getting cooler. I can see some clouds building over the ocean. I better get you back inside.”

Starsky stood up and moved behind the big leather chair Hutch sat in. It was the latest kind of w/c. Comfortable and able to recline or move into a lot of positions so Hutch could have his position changed with just the squeeze of different levers.

He pushed Hutch back up the sidewalk and into the building. Pushing him down the hall to his room, he nodded at various staff. They got to his room and he moved the chair and Hutch over by the big window so he could continue to look out at the ocean.

“I… uh, I gotta go now, Hutch. Have some files, cold cases, I gotta go over. Dobey wants ‘em by tomorrow.

“I know you’re in there, Hutch. I don’t care what the doctors call it. I know you’re scared. But I’m here, love, I’m here. I won’t ever give up on you. Never. I’ll be here when you’re ready to come back. No matter how long it takes.

“I miss you, buddy. Other than Ma, you’re the most important person in my life. So you need to remember that. And you need to remember that what happened to that little girl wasn’t your fault. Not. Your. Fault.

“I know you, I know what you’re feeling. And thinking. None of us knew she was in that alley we chased those guys into. If I had been just a second faster, it would have been MY bullet that hit her. It was an accident, buddy. Just a horrible accident. She’d been living on the streets for over a year. She was using and selling her body to pay for her habit.

“I know none of that changes the fact that she was only 15…” Starsky had to stop. He wiped his hand over his face. “Hutch, it wasn’t your fault. I shot at her too when she stepped out of that warehouse door. I was just a couple of seconds slower than you. It could have been because of ME that she is dead.

“God, Hutch, I wish I knew what to say to you.” He looked away from Hutch and wiped at his wet eyes. “All I can say is, I love you. I miss you. I… need you, Hutch. I’m not any good without you. That’s why Dobey’s got me working those cold case files. I – I – miss you in a lot of other ways too, lover. I’m still sleeping on the couch. Can’t face that big empty bed without you. So, you need to come back. Back to life. Back to me.” Starsky bent down and kissed Hutch’s lips. He leaned his forehead against Hutch’s. “I KNOW you’re in there, Hutch. Hiding. But you need to come back. I… I have to have you back. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on without you… Please, lover, come back to me.”

Starsky kissed Hutch again, hugged him and patted his arm. He wiped the tears from his eyes. “Sorry, Hutch. I know I haven’t cried in front of you when I’ve been here, it’s just too hard sometimes. I need you to come back and help me. I never knew just how much I needed you. But I do… need you. Please… just try… really, really hard…to come back to me. I love you, Hutch… nothing will ever change that. I love you.”

Starsky caressed Hutch’s cheek one last time and headed for the door. His shoulders slumped and he stopped to lean against the door frame for just a second.

He whispered, “Come back to me, love. I need you…” Starsky walked out the door.

Hutch sat in his big, comfortable wheel chair, facing the ocean and the storm brewing over it. There was a storm brewing in him too. If only he could release it.

No one saw him turn his head, looking toward the door where Starsky had just stood.

No one saw his hand reach out to where his lover had been.

No one saw the lone tear slip from his blue eye and run down his cheek.

Chapter End Notes:

This may or may not turn into a full story at some time in the future, depending on my muse and my time.