Sounds Like…

A tedious stakeout leads to a matching conversation.

A Car Talk fic, in which most, if not all of, the action takes place in a car.

Starsky hated stakeouts, because they usually had to use the “Hutchheap.” Starsky loved stakeouts, because the Hutchheap was the perfect trashcan.

They hadn’t spoken to each other for two hours. Both were slumped down in their seats, enjoying the quiet, wondering what was going on in the house they were watching.

Hutchinson started it.

“Ummmmmm.” Silence. “Ummmmm” in a higher pitch. Silence for a longer stretch.

Blissful silence, thought Starsky.

“Ah-um, Ah-um. Oohhhmmmm.”

“Okay, I’ll bite, Blondie. If you’re tryin’ to drive me crazy, consider me driven.”

“I’m trying out new mantras for my meditation, Starsk. A new one might take me to a higher plane.”

Starsky snorted. “And then will you jump out?”

Hutch rolled his eyes. “I mean a higher level of understanding, a oneness with the universe, closer to nirvana.”

“Huh, sounds like a pill for the mentally twitchy.”

“I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“I want you to.”

“Fine.”

More time passed before Starsky broke the silence. He filled his mouth with air, then lightly and swiftly smacked his open lips with the palm of his hand. POP! He changed the configuration of his cheeks, and smacked again. A different POP! He tried another variation of cheek-shape. The POP! still wasn’t quite right.

“What are you doing?” Hutch asked, annoyance very readable in his words and on his face.

“Saw an old movie last night with this Italian guy who can do this great poppin’ thing with his hand and mouth. Thought I’d give it a try. Never know when it might come in handy.”

“Handy for what? Scaring old ladies and big dogs? Sounds like a burrito fart.”

“I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“I want you to.”

Gunshots erupted from the house. “Sounds like…”

“…we get to earn our overtime.”

the end
2002