Boys and Girls

537

Hutch compares their reaction to each other with the girls in their lives.

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Once again he was being kissed with a passion and intensity that he had seldom experienced.

He was then released and sent on his way. “Think about it.” And the door closed behind him.

By the time reality filtered back, he realized he had made it to the car, and was on his way home, running on automatic.

He shook off the final traces of his own passion, and pulled off the road into the parking lot of a small park. He couldn’t go home yet. He’d go nuts, and for sure wouldn’t be able to sleep.

He settled himself beneath a tree and returned in memory to earlier that evening.

He and Hutch had been watching the Lakers. When the game ended they had jubilantly celebrated a hard fought victory with a little war dance and an enthusiastic hug.

Without leaving the comforting circle of their arms, Hutch had drawn back, his eyes aglow with a strange light. A gentle hand had followed the contours of his face, while an enigmatic smile preceded Hutch’s slowly bringing their lips together.

The kiss had set him afire and he sank into it with all his being, returning the passion with fire of his own.

They stayed in the warm embrace of each other’s arms, until he thought he could speak.

“Explain.” Was all he could get out.

The gentle smile remained on Hutch’s lips as he said, “What makes a good marriage Starsk?”

“Huh? What…”

A finger silenced his confused reply.

“When you think of the happily married couples you know, what makes it work?”

Not knowing where Hutch was going, he none-the-less recognized the seriousness behind the question. He took a few moments and gathered his scattered thoughts. ‘Who did he know who was happily married? The Dobey’s. O.K., why?’

“They have to respect each other, love each other, and be friends?” was his questioning answer.

Hutch nodded. “Why haven’t we found a woman to fill that roll?”

Starsky was still trying to ignore the comfy tingling that being held and kissed by Hutch had produced. In defense, he withdrew from the embrace and paced the room, sweeping his hand through his hair at the obvious answers to the question.

“God Hutch, we work crazy hours, you know that; twelve-hour stake outs, dirty alleys, twenty-four hours on call, days without seeing the inside of our apartments, and broken dates. What woman can deal with that on top of the dangers coming at us? What does that have to do with what just happened?”

“Just trying to make a point buddy. Let’s sit down.”

Having settled on the sofa, as close together as they could get, as usual, Hutch pulled Starsky back into his arms, his head snuggled into his shoulder. Starsky didn’t protest.

Hutch continued. “What happens when you break a date with a girl?”

“I usually never see her again she’s so pissed, especially if it’s not the first time.”

“O.K. What happens if you break a date with me, say for a day at the ball park?”

“You just say ‘O.K., see you later.'”

“What if you’ve known a girl for awhile and you forget her birthday, or Valentine’s Day?”

Starsky chuckled. “It costs me a lot of money for flowers, or a good dinner, or to buy her something to make her happy.”

“What if you forget my birthday?”

Starsky rose up indignantly. “Hutch, I would never forget your birthday. How could you think that? You’re too important to me.”

A light bulb came on. “Oh.”

“Yeah. If you get serious about a girl, what would she want from you?”

Thinking of past loves, Starsky said. “To always be there for her, putting her first; maybe changing jobs, move, drop my old friends. Stop being friends with you—I could never do that, Hutch, ever.”

A slight pause. “But that’s what’s been happening, isn’t it? I can’t be everything to someone else when I’m not willing to give you up.”

Hutch went on. “What happens to make a girl angry with you? How does she react?”

“The usual I guess, broken dates, too tired to go out, not enough time spent with her and her friends. How does she react? Well, lots of tears and ‘you don’t love me’ stuff, and then she wants promises, lots of promises.”

“And if I get angry at you?”

“It’s usually because I’m irritating you with silly stuff when you want to read or something; or I want to go somewhere you don’t, or I’m trying to get you out of a funk.”

“And how do I react?”

“You just go home; or tell me to shut up and grow up, or ignore me. But I don’t feel guilty like I do with a girl, you always let me be me and eventually we work it out.”

“What attracts you to a girl and makes you want to know her better?”

The first words out of Starsky’s mouth were, “Pretty, she has to be pretty; nice figure, bright eyes, good dresser, fun personality.” His deepest wishes took over. “Long golden hair that frames an intelligent face, eyes that sparkle and aren’t afraid to see what is, strong values of friendship and responsibility, willing to share and be flexible, listens, and cares enough to let me be me, understands when I need space, or need…to…cry…”

Starsky’s voice slowly faded and he fell silent, shaken by the sudden realization of whom he was describing.

“It’s you,” he softly murmured.

Hutch’s voice was just as soft as he asked, “And who loves you enough, Starsk? Who is willing to protect all that you are and keep it safe?”

Starsky couldn’t answer and simply stared in dumb confusion at this familiar stranger looking at him with such special devotion. He was drawn to his feet, escorted back to the door and then kissed once again.

And so now he sat, absorbing all the emotion that had assailed him over this past hour. There appeared to be no way to refute the truth that had been raised by Hutch’s questions, and for sure, he could not argue with his response to Hutch’s kisses. Even thinking of them now he tingled all over.

Was it as simple as that? That Hutch loved him in the way past girl friends had, the way he dreamed a lover and wife would? And he had to answer yes, because he had seen it in his eyes, felt it in his kiss and those strong arms that had held him.

And what about his feelings, where they the same? Careful analysis of his response to Hutch’s questions, and how they had made him feel, how the kiss had made him feel, led him to believe that he could reciprocate those feelings. That he loved Hutch was not in doubt. He valued their friendship, their closeness; it kept him stable and free from crippling fear and indecision.

As for the sex, he let his imagination go.

**Hutch stretched out, naked, on his bed, golden hair and blue eyes stark against the white sheets, body flushed and aglow with frustrated passion, and his cock struggling to grow enough to contain his need. My hand caressing every inch of that body that belonged to me, was mine to possess and pleasure. I’m enchanted by the effect my simple touches were producing, my mouth watering at the sight of how his nipples reacted, until I just had to taste…**

Starsky suddenly shuddered as orgasm began to overtake him, and he fought to beat it back.

‘Wow. I guess that answers that question.’

It was obvious that he could respond sexually to Hutch, at least to a kiss and in his own fantasy. But, what about the rest of it? Being sexual partners with Hutch was kind of frightening, and weird, but being a ‘couple’ was totally foreign. Could it replace his long held dream of a ‘normal’ couple’s relationship? Could he handle it, and more importantly could he handle the inevitable backlash?

He sat another ten minutes examining his feelings from every angle, and then he returned to the car and headed back the way he had come.

When Hutch answered his door he had a quiet smile on his face.

“I didn’t expect you back quite so soon. Thought it would take you longer. Want a beer?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

When Hutch returned with two beers, Starsky was seated on the sofa and motioned him to sit beside him. They sat companionably for several minutes.

“When did you know?” Starsky finally asked.

“I don’t know. I finally realized what it was I was feeling when one day about two weeks ago you beamed that million watt smile at me and everything lit up inside and I wanted to kiss you in the worst way. I’ve been tormented by dreams and wishes ever since, and it was not something I could hide from you.”

“Got my attention that’s for sure.”

“And…”

“Hutch, I love you. That was never in doubt. When you kissed me you had to know what I was feeling, how I was responding, but somehow I wasn’t shocked or disgusted. Maybe I’ve been missing the obvious too.”

Starsky turned to look directly into Hutch’s eyes and confessed. “I stopped at a park and thought about it, fantasized actually. Every question you asked earlier was right on, and I can’t deny the truth of them. What I also cannot deny is how beautiful you are; how you make me feel, how much you care about me, love me. I want to experience that love Hutch, I want what I’ve been missing.”

As he spoke Starsky had been drawing nearer and nearer to Hutch, his hands stroking face, chest, arms; his eyes darkening in a passion Hutch found hard to ignore.

The kiss that followed was soft, tender, promising.

As Starsky settled against his chest and began letting his fingers wander around and through Hutch’s shirt, causing firestorms wherever they landed, Hutch made an attempt at a simple question.

“What now, Starsky?”

Starsky repositioned himself so that he literally loomed over Hutch, the fire and sparks dancing wickedly out of his eyes.

“You opened this door Hutch; let me see what I could have. When I let my imagination take over earlier, it was wild. I want that Hutch, now.”

Hutch was momentarily just a little afraid of what he had loosed. The passion that burned in Starsky was all consuming and took away every rational thought of calm, tender loving from him. For just a moment he battled his conscience, and then allowed his own desires to rule as Starsky brought his fire-lapped lips to his.

“You got to know Hutch, I have a very, very active imagination and intend to explore every scenario I can think of.”

Hutch tried to look apprehensive, but his happiness and joy over-rode such a minor concern. He laughed his acceptance and drew his adorable, cuddly partner tighter into his embrace. This was going to be fun, and going to be forever.

He let Starsky take control, for now.