Revelation

Starsky comforts Hutch after the death of Gillian and realizes something important.

He looks so beautiful, sleeping there, in my bed. He finally let himself settle down, no doubt from shear exhaustion. He cried in my arms, again, until it seemed there was nothing left inside of him. He was drained now and still some-what in shock over Gillian—and her death.

I would have done anything to spare him this pain. Anything. I love him that much. But it’s more than that now. I’m in love with him. Oh, what the hell, I can think it—even whisper it to myself, he can’t hear me. He may never hear those words.

I’m not even sure when I knew that I’d begun to cross that line. That line that separates friends and lovers. I just knew one-day, when I looked into his eyes, that something had changed. That something inside of me was never going to be the same. That I wanted to know the feeling of him in me—and under me. I’ve never felt like that about another man. And I know I never will again.

But he’s not in the same place—at least not yet. I may be going this alone. I can do it though, if I have to, cause I won’t ever give up our friendship. Even if that’s all I can have with him. I’ll make it be enough.

I find myself leaning over him now, where I sit on the edge of the bed. I let my fingers brush away the golden strands from his face. And almost without realizing it, I press my lips on his, so very gently. Yes, I let myself have that much, just this once, and then it’s back to being his best friend and partner. I know that.

“Gillian…Gillian,” he murmurs.

“Shhh… it’s alright, babe. It’s me. Go back to sleep.”

His eyes remain closed but his hand reaches up, to find my face, as if searching, needing to know it’s really me. I take a breath as his fingers caress my cheek then drop down to take my hand in his. He whispers something that I can’t make out at first, but I listen again, and I hear the words that light my world and give me hope for the future.

“Need you, Starsk… don’t ever leave me.”

“Not going anywhere, Blondie. Not ever.”

The sequel to this story is Revelations.