Starsky and Hutch vs Kira

217

The boys need to deal with what Kira has done to them.

 

Author’s Note: This story is an attempt to make sense of the final scene in “Starsky vs Hutch.” In my opinion, the episode didn’t make much sense. From the unexplained discord between the boys throughout the episode—to the end scene in the bar where they seemed to be playing at being angry with each other. It takes place right after Kira tells them to leave because they were fighting over her.

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Starsky arrived at Kira’s house with a gift in hand. He saw Hutch’s car parked in front of the house. He bounded up the stairs, knocked on the door, and Kira opened it.

“Oh, David,” she said, looking a bit surprised.

“Hi, ya,”  Starsky said, moving past her.

“Hi,” she replied.

“Where’s Hutch?” he asked, anxiously looking around.

“Hutch?” Kira said it innocently as she turned to lean on the counter, her eyes looking towards her bedroom.

Just then, Hutch appeared from the bedroom, adjusting his clothes.

Starsky looked at his partner in shock, then at Kira. He threw the gift on the counter, then glared at Hutch, who was still tucking his shirt into his pants. He stared at Starsky, then lowered his eyes.

Starsky was building to a slow boil. His bright blue eyes were burning with anger.

“You wanna’ just straighten things out, huh? Clear up the problem.”

“Starsky, I meant it,” Hutch replied sincerely.

“Sure, ya’ did,” he said, then turned towards the door to leave. Kira touched his arm, and he aggressively pulled it away.

Hutch went after him. “Starsk.”

Starsky reached for the door knob, and Hutch grabbed his arm, trying to prevent him from leaving.

“Come on,” he said.

Starsky jerked his arm out of his grasp. “What?” he asked, seething with anger.

“I just came by to see how Kira was feeling about things, that’s all,” Hutch explained.

Starsky got in his face. “How does she feel, huh?

Hutch grasped Starsky’s arm again in an effort to calm him down, but he jerked it away.

“How does she feel, huh?!” He repeated it, his anger building.

Hutch tried again to calm his partner by putting both hands on his arms.

“Come on,” he said in a soothing voice, but Starsky was having none of it. Suddenly, he violently head-butted Hutch against the counter and gave him two blows to the stomach. Hutch retaliated by pushing Starsky hard against the wall.

All this time, Kira was screaming and yelling for her two lovers to stop.

After Starsky shoved Hutch back, Kira’s yelling finally got through to them. Both men stopped and stared at each other, breathing heavily.

Kira looked from one to the other.

“What are you crazy?! What’s the matter with you guys?! You’re acting like kids!”

Soon, the best friends began to calm down. Starsky’s anger decreased slowly as his eyes never left Hutch’s face.

In tears, Kira said, “You just can’t fight over me like that without asking me what I think.”

They continued to look one another in the face, with Starsky’s showing regret.

“Why don’t you just get out?” Kira said, tugging on Starsky’s arm in an attempt to make him leave.

Both men stood their ground, continuing to pant and look each other in the eye.

“Just get out! I mean it!” Kira yelled, pointing towards the open door.

Finally, Starsky leaned up off the wall and walked out, with Hutch following behind. Kira slammed the door and pressed her hands and head against it, sobbing.

Once outside, Starsky walked quickly to his car. Just as he was opening his door, Hutch called out to him: “Starsk! Come on, let’s talk about this!” he yelled.

Starsky stopped only to glare at him over the hood, then got in his car, peeled out, and merged into traffic.

Hutch stood staring at the fleeing car as it disappeared down the street.

***S&H***

Starsky made it home in record time. He anxiously paced around his living room for a few minutes, with his left hand on top of his head, gripping his mop of curls. Afterwards, he went to the refrigerator, opened it, and peered inside. With a sigh, he closed it, not feeling hungry, even though he hadn’t eaten. He was supposed to take Kira to lunch.

Starsky walked over and threw himself down on the couch, putting his leg up on the back. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it, as if to comfort himself, then laid there staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. He looked toward it, listening for another knock. Once it came, it was accompanied by a voice. A familiar voice. A voice that he didn’t want to hear.

“Starsk. It’s me. Open the door.”

Of course, Hutch knew where the key was to let himself in, but under the circumstances, he didn’t think it would be a good idea. He wanted Starsky to invite him in willingly.

Starsky glared at the door, not responding.

“Come on, Starsk, let’s talk. Please open the door,” Hutch beseeched.

After sitting up slowly, Starsky placed his feet on the floor, still clutching the pillow.

“What’s there to talk about?!” he yelled from the couch. “You made your decision!”

Hutch sighed, placing his palm on the door. “I want to explain what happened.” Hutch paused for a few seconds, then continued. “After all we’ve been through… I think you owe me that much.”

Starsky sat for a moment, contemplating whether or not to let his partner of seven years in. They had been through a lot together; this was true, and he did call this man the best friend he had in the whole world. He reluctantly got up and opened the door, letting it swing open, then quickly walked back to the couch.

“Why didn’t ya’ just use the key?” he asked, sitting down.

Hutch stepped inside and shut the door, then moved to the couch. He looked down at his partner. “I didn’t want to just come in. I wanted you to be okay with it.”

Starsky had his elbows resting on his knees, looking at the floor.

“Who says I’m okay with it?” he snarled.

Starsky’s tone hit Hutch right in the gut. “Look, Starsk,” Hutch said, moving to sit at the far end of the couch, giving Starsky some distance.

Immediately, Starsky rose from the couch and went into the kitchen. He took a bottle of beer from the fridge and shut it, without getting one for Hutch.

Hutch shook his head, then got up to join his partner in the kitchen. He leaned back against the counter, watching as Starsky took a swig from the bottle and glared at him.

“I can’t believe you!” Starsky yelled. “Right in this very kitchen, I confessed my love for Kira; then you turn right around and sleep with her!”

Starsky couldn’t bear to be this close to Hutch right now; he was just too furious. He poured the rest of the beer into the sink and threw the bottle into the trash can, which landed with a satisfying crash. He walked out of the kitchen and began to pace in his living room.

Hutch watched him for a moment, then followed him. He could see the pain and hurt on his partner’s face. There was a time when he’d do anything to stop that pain, but now he’s the cause of it. He wanted to comfort him like he always did, but he knew he couldn’t—not this time. Besides, Starsky probably wouldn’t let him. Hutch felt his gut tighten at the thought.

“Starsky, I didn’t intend to sleep with her. I just went to her place to talk.”

Starsky stopped for a moment to give him an ‘Are you kidding me? Do you think I’m stupid?’ expression, then he resumed his angry pacing.

“It’s true, Starsk. All I wanted to do was find out what kind of game she was playing.”

Starsky stopped again and looked at Hutch, narrowing his eyes. “And what did she say?”

“She said she wasn’t playing a game. She loves both of us.” Hutch paused to see Starsky’s reaction. After seeing him roll his eyes, Hutch continued and moved a little closer.

“I didn’t understand that. It didn’t make any sense. I asked her how she could be in love with two people at the same time.”

“And?” Starsky asked, urging him to continue.

“She said we’re two different people, and she loves different things about each of us. She explained that was why it was possible for her to love us both.”

Starsky went back to his pacing. He rubbed his hand across his thick curls in frustration. “Okay, say that’s true for her. What about you?” He asked, moving closer to Hutch and getting in his face.

Hutch looked puzzled.

“You were okay with that? You were okay with her having the both of us?” Starsky challenged.

Hutch didn’t know how to answer his questions. He hadn’t thought of how it would be if he went along with what she was saying. He remained silent, with his head bowed.

“Answer me!” Starsky shouted, causing Hutch to startle and look him in the eye. Starsky’s blue eyes darkened with anger.

“Starsk, it happened so quickly. I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t think it through. She was so convincing, telling me how much she loved me and that you’d be okay with it.”

“You actually thought I’d be okay with her fucking both of us?”

Hutch shrugged. “I honestly didn’t know. I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.”

“Jesus!” Starsky exclaimed, grabbing his head with both hands. “I know we share everything, but a woman? That’s goin a bit too far, even for us.” Starsky stated it humorlessly.

Starsky let out an audible sigh, turning from Hutch with his hands on his hips in deep thought. When he faced him again, Hutch saw tears in his eyes.

“Do you have any idea how much it hurt when I saw you coming out of her bedroom? Do you have any idea?” His voice was full of emotion.

Hutch cautiously walked closer to Starsky, not wanting to enrage him but trying to give him some comfort. With tears in his own eyes, he spoke calmly: “Starsk, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You know I would never intentionally hurt you,” Hutch explained, touching Starsky’s arm.

Starsky moved out of reach, not wanting the intimacy at that moment.

“But you did,” Starsky said in a small voice, lowering his head and turning away. He couldn’t stand to let Hutch see just how hurt he was. He felt betrayed by the one person he loved the most in this world and would give his life for. “You knew how I felt about her.”

Hutch moved to stand in front of his partner. “I love her too,” he said quietly.

Starsky looked up with wide eyes. “What did you say?” He asked, not angry, just confused.

“I love her too, Starsk.”

The brunet walked away and dropped down on the couch, covering his face with his hands.

Hutch went to sit next to him, close enough to touch, but he didn’t dare.

Starsky lifted his head and turned to look at his partner with fresh tears in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me that when I told you?”

“I didn’t know at the time. I knew I had strong feelings for her, but I didn’t know how strong until we spoke at her house.”

After lying with his head on the back of the couch, Starsky sighed loudly. “So, what are we gonna do, huh?”

Hutch took on the same posture, next to his friend. “I haven’t a clue, partner,” he admitted honestly.

Starsky suddenly sat up, as if an idea had popped into his head, and turned to Hutch. “So, this loving each of us…does she mean that she wants to make love to both of us…at the same time?” Starsky’s dark blue eyes were bright with astonishment.

Hutch sat up, seeing the look of shock on his partner’s face. He had his own look of shock after thinking about the implications of Kira’s feelings.

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe.”

Starsky glanced at the ceiling, as if seeking divine intervention, then looked at Hutch. “If that is her intention and you were okay with it, does that mean you want the same thing?”

The blond blushed fiercely. Starsky was actually asking him if he would be into a threesome with him and Kira. He looked at Starsky, who was looking at him with intense, questioning eyes. They were so intense that he had to look away briefly.

“Huh? Are you actually okay with that?” Starsky asked again.

After meeting the cobalt eyes again, Hutch answered, “I wouldn’t exactly say that, Starsk. I told you earlier that I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t think of what she might be really saying. She never said that right out. Besides, who knows?” he continued. “Maybe she just wants to be with us separately, not sharing a bed.”

Starsky thought over everything his partner was saying. He was so confused about this whole thing. He had never met anyone like Kira. Yes, there was such a thing as free love and all, but this was something else. This woman says she loves two men at the same time.

Wouldn’t that mean she wanted a threesome, or, like Hutch said, she was just going to love each of us separately—me—on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and Hutch—on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday? Sunday would be a day of much-deserved rest.

Starsky had to chuckle to himself, shaking his head. This situation was truly absurd.

That gesture wasn’t lost on Hutch. For the first time since he entered Starsky’s place, he saw him lighten up a bit. Maybe he was coming around about all of this and wasn’t hating him anymore.

He looked at Hutch with gentle eyes and seemed like his old self again. The Starsky he loved more than a brother, instead of a competing adversary. Apparently, all that anger was gone. Starsky even managed to say his name for the first time since entering his apartment.

“Hutch, what are we gonna do about her? She’s causing us to fight, destroying our partnership and our friendship.”

Hutch blinked at him. “Do you think that’s what’s happening? Do you think she’s doing that? Destroying…us?”

Starsky saw fear in his partner’s eyes. To be honest, he was so angry that he did consider that possibility. He’d walk away from everything—their partnership, their friendship…him. Starsky couldn’t believe he felt that way. He knew he could never live without Hutch, but at that moment, maybe he could, all because of a woman. He had to reassure his partner that that was never going to happen.

“No.” Starsky smiled. “Are you kiddin’? Nothin’ can destroy what we have—not even a woman.”

Hutch let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad to hear that, pal. I thought you’d hate me forever,” he admitted, smiling.

Starsky placed his hand on Hutch’s knee, squeezing it. That simple, familiar gesture cemented the fact that they were still them. Me and thee – and he was forgiven.

“Hutch, we still have to figure out how we’re going to deal with her. We both love her, and she loves us, but we’re not going for a threesome or loving the both of us. She’s gonna have to choose. We have to let her know that.”

“I agree,” Hutch said.

Suddenly, the phone rang, and Starsky answered: “Hello.”

“David, it’s Kira.”

“Hi,” he responded, glancing at Hutch.

“Listen, David, I need to talk to you and Ken. It’s important. Can you meet me at Huggy’s tonight?”

Hutch was on the edge of the couch, trying to hear what was going on.

Starsky gave his partner another glance before answering. “Uh, yeah. What time do you want us to be there?”

“How about seven?”

“Okay sure… I’ll tell ’em. We’ll see you then.” He hung up the phone and sat back on the couch, shaking his head with a smile on his face.

“Well, who was that? Was it Kira?” Hutch asked anxiously.

“Yeah, and she wants to meet us at Huggy’s to talk. She said it was important.”

“Interesting; maybe she’s going to tell us which one she wants,” Hutch surmised.

“That or what days she wants me and what days she wants you,” Starsky replied, grinning.

“Ya’ know, she told me she wasn’t playing a game, but I’m not so sure about that,” he said, looking at the brunet.

Starsky was intrigued. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why don’t we play a game with her? When she comes into Huggy’s, we’ll make her believe we’re still angry at each other; that way, she won’t know that we’ve already made the decision to not go along with her wanting the both of us. At that time, we’ll let her know how we really feel.”

He thought about what Hutch said. Kira might be playing a game. Playing them against each other. She needs to know where they stand and that they’re not going to let her come between them.

“Okay. We can ride there together, and after we get there, go in separately,” Starsky explained.

“That should be fine.”

“Do you think we should let Huggy in on it?”

“No, it’s not necessary,” Hutch replied. “We can let him know later. This way, he won’t accidentally give anything away.”

Starsky agreed, and they waited until it was time to leave.

***S&H***

At 6:45 PM, Starsky pulled up in front of Huggy’s with Hutch beside him. He got out of the car and told Hutch to wait 5 minutes, then come inside.

Starsky went to the bar and waited for Huggy. Once the lanky man arrived, he greeted his friend. “What it is, boss?”

“Gimme a beer and set up a daiquiri. I have a beautiful blonde comin’ to meet me.”

While Huggy drew the beer, Hutch came in. He walked up to the bar, stood next to his partner, and looked at him. When Huggy called his name, Starsky glanced at his partner with disdain and moved to the other end of the bar, not taking the beer Huggy had offered him.

Hutch proceeded to order the same thing, and just as he was about to say he was also waiting for a beautiful blonde, Starsky threw him a deadly glare.

Huggy looked from one to the other and shook his head. “I don’t know ’bout you two,” he said, moving to place the beer in front of Starsky.

Starsky gave Hutch a side glance. “Ask him what he’s doin’ here,” he asked Huggy.

Looking at Hutch, Huggy asked, “What are you doin’ here?” He turned his attention to Starsky, asking, “Is he the beautiful blonde?”

They both ignored Huggy’s inquiry, then Hutch asked, “Ask him what he’s doin’ here?”

Huggy obliged, repeating the question to Starsky.

Starsky cleared his throat, not making eye contact with anyone. “I’m meeting someone,” he answered.

Huggy relayed that to Hutch. “He’s meeting someone.”

Hutch stated, “Me too.” Then Huggy glanced at Starsky and said, “Him too.”

“I guess she’s gonna’ choose, huh?” Hutch asked, directing the question at Starsky this time.

Starsky threw up his hand, and Huggy translated the gesture, saying, “I guess so.”

Hutch decided to talk directly to Starsky again. “Hey, pal.”

“He talkin’ to me?” Starsky asked Huggy.

“Are you talkin’ to him?” Huggy inquired to Hutch.

“Tell em I’m talkin’ to ’em,” Hutch responded.

Huggy looked over at Starsky. “He’s talkin’ to you.”

Starsky stated, “I heard.”

“Hey pal,” Hutch said to Starsky. “Whatever happens, I can handle it.”

“So can I,” the brunet replied, raising his beer in a toast and doing his Bogie imitation.

After Huggy once again relayed Starsky’s response, Hutch added, “But who wants to?”

Just then, Kira appeared, walking up to the bar and sitting on a stool between them.

Huggy greeted her. “Oh, so I guess this is the beautiful blonde looking for the two turkeys. Well, I guess you’ve found them, but be careful, honey, they’re a little insane…today.”

“Well, you’re probably wondering why I asked you here today,” Kira said, looking from Hutch to Starsky.

Both men turned toward her, then Hutch looked straight ahead. “We know why you’re here, and we’re not gonna’ go for it.”

Huggy relayed Hutch’s comment to Kira, and she looked at him, wide-eyed and clueless.

“You’re not gonna’ go for what?” she asked.

Without looking at her, Starsky squinted his eyes, doing an impression of Clint Eastwood.

“We’re tired of being treated like objects. Having our lives determined for us by women.”

Kira looked from Starsky to Hutch and back again, with a knowing smile on her face.

Hutch added to his partner’s statement. “Loved for our bodies, not for our minds. After all, you prick us, doth we not bleed?”

“That’s my line,” Starsky assured.

Hutch looked at Huggy. “Tell him I’m sorry.”

Huggy said to Starsky, “He’s sorry.”

Starsky said, “I heard.”

Looking from one man to the other, Kira asked, “So what’s the solution to this troublesome triangle we have here?”

Starsky answered, doing Eastwood again. “We’ve decided that there’s a decision to be made, and we’re gonna make it.”

“After a long deliberation, we finally settled it,” Hutch told her.

“And?” Kira said with wide, curious eyes.

Starsky and Hutch got up from their stools and stood facing each other from a distance. Kira turned around to watch them. Slowly, like in an old western, they start walking toward each other. When they got close to Kira, they each leaned an arm on the bar and looked into her face.

She looked at Hutch, shaking her head and uttering, “No.”

In response, Hutch raised his eyebrows and shook his head, saying, “No?”

Then Kira shook her head again and said, “No.”

Now it was Starsky’s turn. He looked her in the eye, saying, “No?”

Kira looked at him and repeated, “No.”

Both men looked at each other, smiled, and simultaneously said, “Okay.” Then they wrapped their arms around one another and happily walked away…together.

The End