Hutch Just Knows

106

Hutch knows when he’s needed. Mourning.

 

First published 2023.

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It was just that way between them. Somehow Hutch just knew when he was needed and, even when Starsky hadn’t told him, he knew where to find him.

He’d dreamt and woken with tears rolling down his cheeks and a heavy, dull ache in his chest. He’d been doing so much better; thought he was over the worst, but this morning it just hit him again and he didn’t know how to make the ache go away.

Going through the motions, he’d showered, trying to convince himself that the only water on his face was from the showerhead. He ate breakfast, even though he didn’t feel hungry, and then the need to be near her, to talk to her, became overwhelming. He grabbed his keys and drove slowly towards the cemetery: not certain it would help but not sure what else to do.

He sat on the neatly clipped grass and poured his heart out, just like he had in the first few days and weeks after she’d been taken from him. When words finally ran out, he just sat. He wasn’t sure how long for.

There was a comfort in the silence around him, but an aching loneliness too.

Soft footsteps. A gentle hand on his shoulder. His name quietly spoken, filled with love, comfort, security.

“How’d’ya find me?” he asked, as his tall partner settled himself beside him.

Hutch shrugged.

Starsky risked a look sideways and noticed Hutch was holding a plant. It looked like a rose bush, but a tiny one.

“What’s that?”

“They’ve got a place here, you can plant something in memory of someone. Thought maybe we could plant this for Terry. It’s a miniature rose bush. It’ll be yellow when it blooms.”

A phrase from a previous conversation surfaced: “Yellow for friendship.”

“That’s right.”

Starsky returned to looking at the gravestone, not able to trust what would happen if he looked into the sympathy in Hutch’s eyes.

But Hutch knew. He knew when to speak and when to stay silent. He knew when time was needed and how much.

At exactly the right moment, he asked, “Ready?” and Starsky answered, “Yes,” because he was.

Ready again to face life and get on with it because he wasn’t facing it alone. And that made such a difference.