Lucky Charms

47

Starsky helps Hutch  decompress.

 

Originally published in the 2023 SHareCon Zine.

Thanks to Babs and Daisy Morgan for their proofreading and editing.

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Clink. Clink. Clink.

God he’s driving me crazy. It’s way too early for this. Why is he even here?
Oh, that’s right. He’s my partner and we have to go to work.  

Clink. Clink. Clink.

He’s so annoying. Why do I put up with him?
Oh, that’s right. He’s my best friend and probably the only one who will put up with me.  

Clink. Clink. Clink.

But why is he eating breakfast here? Can’t he eat at his own home?
Oh, that’s right. He never has any food at his place.  

Clink. Clink. Clink.

Why do I keep buying him that crap? It just encourages him to come over here.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

Why can’t he eat like a normal person?
Oh, that’s right.  He’s not a normal person. 

Clink. Clink. Clink.

But why in the name of God can’t he eat like an adult?
Oh, that’s right. Because he’s a child.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE STARSKY!  JUST EAT THE FUCKING CEREAL!”

“Thas wha’ ‘m doin’ ‘utch.”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“No, no it’s not. You don’t need to separate the cereal from the marshmallows. JUST EAT THE FUCKING CEREAL A SPOONFUL AT A TIME LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!!!!”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“But Hutch, the marshmallows are the best part. They’re magically delicious. It says so right here on the box. You just have to save them all ‘til the end and eat them all at once.”

~~~

Clink. Clink. Clink.

Boy, is he wound up tight today. 

Clink. Clink. Clink.

I don’t know why he gets like this.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

We’ve been doing this forever.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

He should know by now our job is always going to suck.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

He just cares too much. Always has.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

If I don’t do something about this he’s likely to shoot some grandma out there today.

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE STARSKY!  JUST EAT THE FUCKING CEREAL!”

“Thas’ wha’ ‘m doin’ ‘utch.”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“No, no it’s not. You don’t need to separate the cereal from the marshmallows.  JUST EAT THE FUCKING CEREAL A SPOONFUL AT A TIME LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!!!!”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

“But Hutch, the marshmallows are the best part. They’re magically delicious. It says so right here on the box. You just have to save them all ‘til the end and eat them all at once.”

Wow. That was really bad this time. I thought I was going to have to eat a fourth bowl.  

And he calls himself the brains of this outfit. All these years and he’s never figured out I push his buttons just so he’ll blow off steam with me rather than out on the street. This is the thanks I get?

~~~

“Thanks, partner, for always having my back.”

~~~

Wait. Why are there always Lucky Charms here? OH MY GOD. HE KNOWS!

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Author’s Note: It’s really hard to separate the cereal from the marshmallows without clinking the spoon on the bowl a lot.