Leaves That Are Green

Hutch wakes from a dream feeling listless and depressed.

Written from a prompt – green & singing/song. Warning – theme of loss.

“Once my heart was filled with love of a girl

I held her close, but she faded in the night

Like a poem I meant to write

And the leaves that are green turn to brown

And they wither with the wind

And they crumble in your hand”

From ‘Leaves That Are Green’ by Simon and Garfunkel.

Hutch woke from a dream that dissolved even as he tried to remember what it had been about. For a moment, he just stared at the ceiling and wondered why he felt a creeping lassitude that made him want to turn over and pull the covers back up. Reluctantly, he stretched and then swung his legs out of the bed. Even though he didn’t feel like it, he knew that he should go for his morning run. The exercise and being outdoors should lift his spirits. He put on his blue track suit and headed out, jogging towards the park.

It was an early Fall day with a hint of warmth still lingering. He looked up at the sky, which was a light blue punctuated by thin drifts of clouds. It was a beautiful day…so why did he feel so down?

His steps slowed until he was no longer jogging, just strolling. He followed the path, not caring where it took him. He knew he didn’t want to go home yet – something there had made him feel out of sorts – so he might as well keep moving.

He travelled deeper into the park, where the landscaped contours rose and fell and eventually led to a small lake. Hutch paused to watch the waterbirds diving, dabbling and ducking in the otherwise still water.

To his left, a bench had been placed next to a huge California Oak: the perfect place for some quiet contemplation. Hutch walked over and sat down. He rested his arms along the top of the bench and leant back, peering up at the sky between the spreading branches. The leaves adorning each branch were beginning to change colour from green, to yellow, to orange, to brown…

He drew in a sharp breath, his dream coming back to him in painful snatches.

Last night, he’d been listening to some records that he hadn’t played for a while. He’d put Simon and Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence album on the player and lain back on the couch, enjoying revisiting what had been a favourite album a few years ago. It had been long enough that he had forgotten the poignant lyrics to Leaves That Are Green. Or rather he had never found them as poignant as he did now.

“She faded in the night.”

Gillian hadn’t faded exactly…but the dream of what they might have had together had. And that was what his dream had been about: following Gillian, trying to catch up with her, and her fading away just as he reached her. He realised tears were forming in his eyes and quickly wiped them away.

He thought he’d put all thoughts of her behind him. It was almost a year since…ah, almost a year. Even if he hadn’t intended to acknowledge it, the first anniversary was coming up. His heart knew; even if his brain was trying to ignore it.

“Hey.”

Even though the greeting was soft, it startled him. He managed a smile for his partner but didn’t trust his voice yet. Starsky sat down beside him, one arm stretched along the bench, the other bent so that his elbow touched Hutch’s.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…How’d you find me?”

Starsky shrugged.

“Wanna talk about it?…About Gillian?”

Hutch swallowed.

“Let’s walk,” Starsky suggested. “Always easier to talk when you’re moving.”

Hutch nodded and allowed Starsky to pull him to his feet, appreciating the warmth of his hand as it squeezed his. The two of them walked and Hutch talked about the record he’d been listening to and the words that had made him think of ‘her’ and then Starsky told him about the songs he couldn’t listen to since he’d lost Terri. They both had tears in their eyes as they headed back towards Hutch’s apartment, but somehow they both felt a little lighter.

A burden shared was halved. A memory spoken became easier to carry. And the sound of silence was now filled with hope, comfort and love.