Journal Entry

Starsky reflects on his and Hutch’s visit to Hutch’s parents.

Originally published in Blue Eyes and Blue Jeans 2 in 1996 by Linda McGee, Kath Moonshine, and Mary Louise Fisher, under the name, Idiot Triplets Press.

January 26, 1980

We went for a visit simply because, for a change, we had the time and I kept pestering Hutch about meeting his folks. There were lots of things I wanted, needed, to do after I got shot up by Gunther’s men. And, bless his heart, there wasn’t much that Hutch could refuse me. I tried not to take advantage, but when I think a thing is for his own good, I worry at it like a terrier until he gives in. And I thought that it was time that he and his folks settled whatever it was that was keeping them so distant. It just wasn’t natural for a family not to look out after its own.

I was right about one thing. It wasn’t natural. From the moment we go on the plane headed for Minnesota, Hutch had become more and more uptight. When I finally got to meet his folks (They sent a car to the airport for us. They didn’t even come in person. Can you believe that?) I understood why he was so reticent. Damn, they were cold. Polite. Very, very proper, but cold. How in the hell had my Hutch turned out to be so loving and giving, and just plain warm when his parents were so damn cold?

I can still hear his father’s voice. “Not in this house!”

I could hear the outrage even though he had not raised his voice, and I thought, Uh-oh. I knew he was confronting Hutch and I knew what it was about. I thought no one had seen me leave Hutch’s room in the wee hours of the morning, but evidently I was wrong. I was frozen in the doorway, wanting to go to Hutch’s side, to defend him against his father, but I hesitated, afraid my presence might make the scene even uglier. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his mother seated in the armchair across the room and that made my decision for me. Hutch was out-numbered and there was no way I was going to let him face both of them alone.

We had gotten in very late, so I hadn’t gotten to see much of the house. I just knew that it was big. And, what’s that word? Austere? Cold! That’s what it was, and I ain’t talking temperature.

They had put me in a room at the far end of the hall from Hutch’s room and I had known right away that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep there. So once all the noises had settled in the house, I slipped down the hall to his room. I didn’t know if he was asleep so I just tiptoed over, lifted the covers, and crawled in. It was as if he had been expecting me, cause he turned and wrapped those long, strong arms around me without a sound.

Last night had been like lots of nights, especially since the shooting. Holding each other close against any bogeymen that might be lurking in our dreams. The gentle caresses and warm embraces were so much a part of who we are and who we are becoming that even one night apart was too much. It wasn’t until dawn was breaking that I even considered how it would look if I was in his room when the others got up. Hutch had insisted it didn’t matter. That his folks were too uptight to really cause a scene.

Even now, there was no passion in his father’s voice. “You were not raised like this, and I will not have it in my house.”

I had to admire Hutch. He kept his composure, better even than me. I was ready to go off and he knew it. His eyes told me that everything was all right and called me over to him. I went to stand beside him, I guess, really a little between him and his father, but he just smiled real gentle-like at me. His words, when he spoke, were addressed to his father, but his eyes were locked with mine and he took my hand, real possessive and protective. I was so proud.

“Dad, it doesn’t matter what you say. Nothing you say can make what Starsky and I share into something dirty. We did sleep together last night. Not the first time and god willing not the last time either. And there is no stranger place than in this house.” He raised his free hand in an almost apology forestalling his father’s retort. “I’m not trying to start an even bigger fight and I’m not going into a list of what’s wrong with this family. The only thing important right now is that you can’t stand to have any love in your house. Starsky and I love each other. And I’m not talking about sex.” He turned even more toward me then, and put his hand against my cheek. It was as if he were only talking to me, but he didn’t care who heard.

“None if the euphemisms fit us, do they? I can’t say that we haven’t made love, because we do that all the time. The touching. The caring. Trying to keep each other safe. And if we’re… when we’re ready to add an even deeper sharing to our relationship it won’t be ‘having sex.’ It’ll be far too special to call it that.”

We had never discussed it. I guess both of us just accepted our togetherness and whatever might grow from it. But as always, Hutch was saying what was in my heart as well. I pressed my cheek into his palm, letting him know just how much I loved him.

He turned back to his father. “When that time comes, there’s not a power on earth great enough to stop it from happening. So, Starsky and I are going out. I thought I’d show him some of the places where I used to hang out. You and Mother can talk it over and I’ll call before we come back. If you don’t want us sharing a bed under your roof then we’ll get a room at the Continental.”

No one said a word as he led me from the room, still holding my hand. I had gone in there to defend him, but my Hutch took care of it alright. You see why I’m so proud of him?

That bed at the Continental was more than big enough for the two of us.