A Bump in the Road

Starsky, distracted by having Hutch with him again after a separation, has a car accident and contemplates their relationship while waiting for Hutch to regain consciousness.

Many thanks to Annie Booker for her betaing skills!

I really can’t be held responsible for what happened. Navigating the mean streets of New York was hard enough at the best of times. But it was Saturday night and everybody and his mother was out celebrating who knows what or racing to catch a flight or possibly headed for the nearest private room, like we were. I wasn’t familiar with the car or the exact area, so my radar was off kilter. But all of that was ‘just so many excuses.’ The real reason that it happened was Hutch.

I’d loved the man for ages and had given up any hope of ever being loved in return…not like that, anyway. Best friends, always, but romantic love? I never dreamed that he could feel that for me. Scratch that. I had dreamed of it, but knew that it could only happen somewhere in fantasyland. Yet he’d followed me to New York, found me in a bar and declared his undying love in terms that even I couldn’t misunderstand.

I had many questions that begged to be answered. How had he found me? After so many months, I’d assumed that he’d gone on with his life, but I still had to lecture myself daily to stay put, stay away, and let him find the kind of happiness that I knew I’d never have. Every minute of the day I wondered what he was doing, who he was with. Was there another ‘me’ who’d taken my place in the ‘me and thee’ equation? It made me nauseous to think of him with another partner, crazy jealous to imagine him with a lover. Hutch wasn’t the kinda guy who would stay unattached for long. He was too beautiful, too pure…way too special. If some broad didn’t already have her hooks into him, there were some dumb-ass women in Bay City.

I’d thought of calling him…nothing heavy, just ‘hey, how ya doing, buddy?’, ‘oh, me? I’m happy as a hog in a pile of bullshit’, bullshit being the operative word, but I just didn’t have that kind of self control, not anymore and not where he was concerned.

Remembering the last time I’d seen him, I found myself rubbing the small scar on my arm. No way could I have told him that I’d gotten beat up because I’d taken to haunting gay bars and had rejected one too many guys that night.

After our tussle over Kira, I’d begun to doubt myself, Hutch, and everything that I’d believed about our partnership. After the night at The Pits, neither of us brought the subject up again and our relationship became a little strained. After a great deal of soul searching, I began to see that I’d never loved her. She had been just another woman in a long string of women. It had been Hutch’s sudden interest in her that had set off the cataclysmic events between us. We’d always been competitive when it came to our sexual conquests and I dismissed the whole thing as another juvenile game that had gotten out of control and this time, slid over the top.

What would have happened if the shooting in May hadn’t intervened was something I tried not to think about. During my long convalescence, Hutch was loving and tender and cared for me like he always had, but I had way too much time to think. My feelings toward him had changed somehow. I thought it was gratitude at first, but at night, my dreams told me something else.

I believed getting back to work as soon as possible would re-establish us as partners and friends again and the dreams would fade away. So I worked hard and pushed myself to the point of physical exhaustion. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I had to do it for Hutch and to stop the thoughts that invaded my mind when I wasn’t working. After the initial feelings of exhilaration and triumph that I’d beaten the odds faded, I was faced with the realization that nothing had changed.

I began to pull away from Hutch, crawling into a dark place in my mind, until it finally occurred to me that my little cave was filled with clothes and that it was a closet I’d been hiding in.

Taking the occasional day off from work, I started driving to another town to frequent a gay bar, always testing the waters, but having no desire to join the pool party. While that brought me some relief, it also made it perfectly clear that if it wasn’t homosexual urges I was feeling, then it was one man who held my heart in his strong, capable hands and that my life had no meaning without his love. And that kind of love had no place in our partnership.

It occurred to me that someday there would be a fork in the road and I would have to choose to take the path that left him behind and I felt that the time we had together was growing short. I couldn’t go on seeing him every day and know that he was off limits to me. What else could I do but cut and run?

“Starsk?” He was finally awake.

“I’m right here, Hutch.” He started thrashing around and I jumped up out of the chair to try and calm him. “Hey, settle down, babe. Everything’s gonna be all right.”

He fell back against the bed. “I feel like somebody hit me with a sledgehammer.” He started to examine his head, but I grabbed his hand before he got to the bandage on the right side of his noggin. “What the hell happened?”

“We were in a little accident on the way to the hotel and your head hit the doorframe. The ambulance brought us to Bellevue. It was the closest hospital.”

A shadow crossed his face. “Bellevue? I always thought that was a mental hospital. I may be in love with you, but I’m not crazy.”

“Being in love with me just might make you certifiable.” I snorted. “But Bellevue’s a really old hospital and has the rep for having been one of the first nuthouses around. Don’t worry…you’re not in the psych ward.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just a couple bruises. How can you lay there with a concussion and be worried about me?”

He started to laugh and decided it was a bad idea. “Well, anyway, thanks a lot for sitting with me. I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Oh no, you don’t, smartass.” I chuckled. “That one’s in the books already. I’m not fallin’ for it again.”

“So, what hit us, a bus?” He tried to sit up a little and obviously decided that wasn’t a wise choice, either.

“That part you’re not going to be too happy about. I, uh, was going a little too fast because, well, because of where we were going and I had to keep lookin’ at you to make sure it was really happening. I kinda tried to run over a yellow cab.” I leaned down close to him. “I’m really sorry, Hutch. The last thing I wanted was to have something like this happen.”

“I know, Starsk…but, hey…next time ask me to pinch you or smack you, if you aren’t sure it’s real.” He smiled so sweetly, I couldn’t resist planting a quick kiss on his lips.

Then something popped into my head. “Wait a minute, you don’t remember the accident? How come?”

He bristled. “‘Cause I was too busy watching you and thinking how incredibly lucky I was, dummy. Of course, I wasn’t the one who was supposed to be driving.”

“Okay, okay…I give.” I sighed. “I’m a screw up. “You sure you still want to be my pal?”

“Pal, my ass,” He whispered fiercely. “Are you trying to back out now? I want to make love to you like you’ve never been made love to before. I have big plans for you, Starsky. We’re not going back to this friend, buddy, pal shit now.”

“You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“No doubts, lover.” He grinned. “If I wasn’t in this hospital bed, I’d show you.”

That sent shivers from my head to my toes and a warm, needy feeling erupted about halfway in between. I wasn’t used to stuff like that comin’ out of his mouth and was searching for the perfect response, but I was saved by a pretty blonde nurse who popped in to take her patient’s vital signs.

“So glad you’ve joined us, Mr. Hutchinson,” she purred. “Now maybe your friend here will calm down and quit harassing the nursing staff.”

“Please, call me Ken.” He pointed at me, standing there feeling like a third wheel. “He’s been giving you some flak, huh?” He shot me a quirky grin. “He’s not known for his patience.”

“That’s an understatement if I ever heard one.” She rolled her eyes and giggled. “They called up and begged us to come get you out of ER…stat! How’s your head feeling?”

“Like it’s going to split wide open.”

She shone a light in those incredible blue eyes of his and asked him a few questions; like where he was, what year we were in and who was president. I started thinking how familiar the routine was and how many times one or the other of us had been through it.

“Any nausea at all?” she asked.

“No, just the headache.”

“Any memory loss? Do you remember what happened to you?”

“Well, not really. But that’s because I didn’t see it coming.” His eyes shot daggers at me from across the room.

“Do you have pain anywhere else?” She continued her interrogation.

“Nope…just the head.”

“Okay, Ken, your doctor left orders for something to take the edge off the pain. Sorry, we can’t give you anything too strong until we see how the night goes. We’ll be waking you up every couple hours.”

Hutch groaned. “I know the routine, but I really think I could spend the night with my partner here. We’ve been through all this before.”

She suddenly seemed to remember that I was still there. After giving me a quick once-over, she seemed flustered. “Partner? I’m sorry. I didn’t know you two were…”

“Cops, sweetheart.” I decided I wasn’t ready to face the possibility of dealing with homophobia just yet. “At least, one of us still is. We were partners for quite a few years, so it was a slip of the tongue. I got a little tired of getting shot at, so I quit the business. Hutch is here for a visit.”

“Hutch…that’s cute.” She seemed relieved. “Hey, when you’re feeling better, my girlfriend and I would just love to show you guys the sights.”

I’d had about enough. “The only sight I wanna see is you gettin’ my friend something for pain.” I growled.

She shot me a startled look and apologized profusely to her patient before hurrying out of the room.

“And I always thought your eyes were blue.” Hutch had a big shit-eatin’ grin on his face. “Looking a little green there, babe.”

“You keep flirting with the nurses and you might be seeing me turn into Kermit the frog, better yet, the Incredible Hulk,” I snapped. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“Like I’ve never seen you angry before. You know damn well I never crossed the line once. What am I supposed to do, avoid every pretty girl for the rest of my life?”

“I’m really glad you know that there is a line and you didn’t have to say a word, you were battin’ your eyelashes and givin’ her that choirboy look of yours…”

“I’m beginning to think you should go find the part of the hospital that’s reserved for the nutcases and commit yourself. I was blinking because she was shining her light in my eyes. When I get out of here, we’re going to have a long talk about your temper.”

“Yeah? Well…you just stay away from women and we won’t have a problem.”

“I should be the one stressing about that. It’s hard to fathom you voluntarily putting yourself out to pasture where the fairer sex is concerned.”

Our squabble was interrupted by a rather large, ‘no nonsense-looking’ charge nurse. Ignoring me, she handed Hutch a medicine cup without a word, got him a glass of water and then proceeded to address the both of us. “I don’t know how things work in California, but you two have caused enough trouble for one night. Barbie was particularly upset.” She looked at her watch. “I’ll give you about ten minutes to say your goodbyes, Mr…” She looked at me expectantly.

“Starsky, ma’am.” I hadn’t been so intimidated by anyone since I was about twelve.

“Mr. Starsky, your friend here needs his rest and you need to go or I’ll have you escorted out. It’s way past visiting hours. I’ll be taking care of Mr. Hutchinson tonight personally. Please leave word at the desk where you can be reached in the morning, so we can let you know when he will be discharged.” She brushed past me without another word.

I fell into the chair laughing.

“What the hell are you laughing about, moron?” Hutch whined. “I’m looking forward to a long night with Lizzie Borden and you get to leave.”

“Ken…and Barbie!” I managed to get the words out. “She probably had her whole Mattel trousseau picked out already.”

“Aw, get outta here before I throw my urinal at you!” He chuckled. “I can’t believe I’ve put up with you all these years.”

I dragged myself out of the chair. “It’s ’cause I’m just so-o-o damned lovable.”

He snorted. “I’m going to spend the night rethinking this whole relationship.”

I risked my life by putting my head down close to his. “No, you’re not. You’re gonna have plenty of time to think of all the things I’ll be doing to you when you get out of here.”

He turned a very attractive shade of pink. Recovering quickly, he ran his thumb across my lower lip, raising goose bumps all over my body.

“You’d better stay at the hotel tonight, ’cause I told your mom you wouldn’t be coming home.” He smiled innocently. “And you’d better keep the room for another night. Have a really good night’s sleep, lover.”

“You did talk to Ma!” I was floored. “And she thinks we’re spending the night in a hotel together? That’s not funny!”

“Yeah, well…we’ll talk about it tomorrow, now that I’ve given you something to lose sleep over.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Hutch, what did you do?”

“It wasn’t me. She’s the one who told me you had the hots for me.” He knew that would give me food for thought.

He was right. I couldn’t think of a thing to say.

He grinned, enjoying the heck out of the moment. “I think you’d better go, because that nurse looked a lot like Terrible Tessie and I won’t get a bit of sleep if they have to admit you and put you in that empty bed because she body-slammed you into the nurse’s station.” He chuckled as his eyelids started to flutter.

“Hey, Hutch…”

“Hmmmmm?”

“If Barbie’s so popular, how come you have to buy Ken and all her friends to play with her?”

I had to get out quick, because he grabbed a pillow and heaved it at me. He missed and it hit the door. I left it on the floor, hoping that Nurse Ratchet would trip over it.

******************************

I left the information at the desk, picked up Hutch’s luggage, which they’d been holding for him and left the hospital in a daze. It had turned chilly, but I was warm all over. I hated leaving Hutch behind, but I was floating on air, looking forward to picking him up the next day. After all we’d gone through to get here; this was just a bump in the road.

There were four cabbies hanging around in front of the building, so I approached the first cab and asked him to take me to the Hotel Deauville. I’d have to deal with Hutch’s rental tomorrow. It wasn’t totaled, but the bumper was seriously bent and the tire on the front passenger side wasn’t about to turn with the frame pushed against it, so they’d had to tow it away.

I leaned my head wearily against the seat. I was still stunned. Ma had always been pretty tolerant, but the idea that she’d recognized something in me that I thought was well hidden made me wonder who else had figured it out. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to look her in the eye again.

It wasn’t too far to the hotel and I paid the man and looked up at the building. The Hotel Deauville was exactly the type of place that Hutch would pick. It was a beautiful turn-of-the-century Brownstone; family-owned…unpretentious and classy, just like the man himself.

I got everything squared away and arranged to keep the room for another night. I opted to carry the bags myself and found the room. Hutch had evidently ordered up some personal touches…there were yellow roses in a vase, a bottle of vintage wine with two crystal flutes, and a big fruit basket. I had to wonder if he was trying to make a statement there. I was hungry and too tired to go back out for something to eat, so I grabbed a couple bananas and a beer from the mini-bar and it was enough for the moment. A big, juicy burger would have been my choice, but there was no room service.

The king-sized bed beckoned invitingly, but I was badly in need of a shower. That meant digging through Hutch’s suitcases for something to wear. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but he’d obviously gone to a lot of trouble to seduce me and I was curious about just what an inexperienced guy would feel was necessary to indulge in man-sex. A can of Crisco and two naked bodies would’ve been all the preparation necessary, as far as I was concerned, but Hutch thinks everything out, sometimes way too much.

I grabbed a pair of boxers and a tee-shirt and hit the shower first. The hot water made me felt great, but by the time I was done, it was all I could do to stagger to the bed. Further exploration could wait until morning, or maybe it would be more exciting to be surprised.

Once I settled in, the guilt started eating at me and it wasn’t so easy to get to sleep. Hutch had gone to so much trouble to make this perfect for us and I’d definitely blown it, big-time. And all my big talk about what I wanted to do to him was pure BS. I didn’t know the first thing about making love to a man. I could picture worshipping his body with mine, but could I surrender the control to him and let him into the driver’s seat? Time would tell. What if I couldn’t make it good for him? The strain that would put on our relationship could end it altogether. But there was no turning back now. I would do all I could to make it work. If it wasn’t enough, at least I’d have the memories.

‘Good night, my soul…sleep well.’ The fear that I might be verging on the maudlin was my last thought.

Not the end

The sequel to this story is A Matter of Taste.