A Mother’s Intuition

David Starsky smiled as he watched his mother, Rachel, bustling around the kitchen preparing his favorite meal for supper. She called it the ‘Paul Muni’ Special, even though it was nothing more than an ordinary pot roast with vegetables. When he was a kid, it was the only way she could get him to eat his vegetables. It was still one of the only ways he would willingly eat carrots.

Starsky and his partner, Ken Hutchinson, had decided to spend their two week vacation visiting Starsky’s family in Brooklyn. Since Starsky lived in California, he usually only saw his immediate family once a year. After his father was murdered when he was ten, his mother had sent him to California to live with his aunt and his uncle when he was twelve.

Mother and son had had a strained relationship for several months but, eventually, as he grew older, Starsky had realized that his mother had sent him away not because she didn’t love him but because she did. She had made the hardest decision a mother could ever make concerning her child out of that love.

She had not been happy when he had followed in his father’s footsteps and joined the police academy. But, she knew that her oldest child had to follow his heart. Over the years, he had become one of the most respected and decorated police officers in the Bay City Police Department. He and Hutch were two of the best undercover detectives the force had ever seen, their exploits and high profile arrests legendary among their peers.

Starsky’s face lit up as his partner entered the room, his blond hair still damp from his shower. The two men were best friends and had been ever since meeting at the police academy, despite the fact that they were total opposites, not only in appearance but in personality and temperament. Where Hutch was a tall, good looking blond with a college education, Starsky was a product of the streets with a volatile temper and a more aggressive nature.

Hutch greeted his partner with a wide grin. “Smells like your mom’s making your favorite meal.” He commented unnecessarily.

Rachel turned to look at the two hungry men and laughed softly. “Why don’t you two sit down? It’s almost ready.”

Starsky and Hutch took their seats at the kitchen table. Rachel poured each of them a cup of coffee, making her son’s with extra sugar and cream the way he preferred.

“Nicky called.” Rachel said as she handed Starsky his coffee. “He wanted to stop by tonight to see you but something came up.”

Starsky’s only response was a grunt. The two Starsky brothers were as different as night and day. The years apart had driven a wedge between them, along with the difference in their lifestyles. Nicky had grown into the two bit hood that his mother had worked so hard to avoid with her eldest child. The fact that Starsky was a cop only alienated them even further. The blond at his side was more of a brother to Starsky than Nicky ever had been. Still, Starsky did his best to maintain a relationship with his brother even though Nicky put little effort into reciprocating.

There was an uneasy truce between Hutch and Nick Starsky. Hutch didn’t like the younger Starsky brother, but strove to keep his opinions to himself for his partner’s sake. Still, he knew that one of the reasons that Nick Starsky had been noticeably absence since their arrival was because of his animosity and jealousy towards Hutch. He resented the relationship between Starsky and Hutch, seeing Hutch’s presence in his brother’s life as a threat to his rightful place.

As Rachel joined Starsky and Hutch at the table, their conversation turned to the topic of the vast Starsky clan that still resided in New York City. Hutch had given up trying to keep all the names straight. Rachel had accepted Hutch with open arms, treating him like a member of the family from the beginning. Hutch had always grateful. He was estranged from his own parents and had been for years. Rachel had helped to fill that void in his life in ways that he had never expected.

After supper, Starsky volunteered to help his mother with the dishes, while Hutch decided to go for a run. Running was part of Hutch’s daily routine, along with working out three mornings a week at the gym. While Starsky seemed to keep his lean, muscular build without any effort, Hutch had to work religiously to keep off the extra pounds. Back home, he took his run in the early morning but while they were in New York, he had altered his routine to take his runs in the early evening. It gave Starsky the chance to spend some quality time with his mother.

“David, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Rachel said, as she dried a plate and put it in the cabinet.

“What’s that, Ma?” Starsky asked, figuring his mother was about to start her usual routine about his love life and how he needed to find a nice Jewish girl and settle down.

Rachel paused and then turned to look at her eldest son intently. “David, you’re not getting any younger…”

“Ma,” Starsky started, stopping in mid-sentence when his mother raised her hand to silence him.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to give you a lecture on how you need to find a nice Jewish girl and settle down and have some babies. I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

“About what?” Starsky asked with a confused frown.

“Ken.”

“Hutch? What about Hutch?” Starsky said, even more confused than before.

“David, I may be old but I’m not blind. Your face lights up whenever Hutch comes into the room. When the two of you are together, you don’t need anyone else. I know how much he means to you. Do you?”

“Of course I know how much he means to me.” Starsky said “He’s my best friend. He has been for years. I couldn’t imagine my life without Hutch in it.”

“Exactly. You love him. I know that. I’ve always known that.”

“What are you getting at, Ma? Of course I love him. He’s more like a brother to me than Nicky is.”

“I know that too.” She smiled faintly, amused by her son’s tenacity. “What I’m trying to point out, my darling, is that you don’t just love him. You’re in love with him. He’s your soul mate, just like your father was mine.”

Starsky chuckled softly. “You got it all wrong, Ma. Yeah, I love Hutch…but not like that. I’m not into guys.”

“I never said you were. I simply said that you were in love with Ken.”

“Ma, this is the craziest conversation we’ve ever had. What brought all this on?”

“Because I think it’s time you opened your eyes to what you have right in front of you. He loves you too, more than you realize.”

“Ma, Hutch and I aren’t gay.” Starsky insisted

“You don’t have to be gay to be in love with each other. It happens. Can you honestly tell me that the idea of being in love with Ken bothers you?”

“It depends on how you define love.” Starsky said with a stubborn tilt to his jaw that his mother recognized immediately.

“Love is love. You don’t pick who you fall in love with…it just happens.” Rachel sighed softly. She knew that David didn’t understand what she was trying to say because the idea was so foreign to him. “You’re letting the idea of sexual love with a man blind you to the emotional love that you feel for Ken.”

“Having sex with someone you’re in love with is kinda the same thing, isn’t it?”

“Have you been in love with every woman that you’ve ever made love to?” His mother countered.

Starsky hesitated. He knew that the answer to that particular question was no. He’d had more than his share of one night stands and casual affairs. Rumors about his relationship with Hutch had floated around headquarters for years because of the closeness they shared. A closeness that was second nature to both of them. They touched each other, intimately at times, without a second thought. If he were totally honest with himself, Hutch met all of Starsky’s emotional needs. The only thing they didn’t share with each other was the sex. Was his mother right? Was he really in love with his very male, very straight partner? Did he subconsciously set himself up to fail with every woman he got involved with because of his feelings for Hutch?

He’d been in love with Terri. He knew what real love felt like. What was so different between what he’d felt with Terri and what he felt for Hutch? Was he afraid to admit his true feelings for his partner and best friend simply because they were both men? On the streets, homosexual and bi-sexual couples were scorned and ridiculed, called things like fags, queers, and butt fuckers. And the prejudice towards those couples was stronger towards two men then towards two women. Two women together was a turn on for most men, while the idea of two men together seemed to disgust men and women alike.

Sensing how uncomfortable this conversation was making her son, Rachel smiled and reached out to cup his cheek in her hand. “I love you, Davi,” she said “I just want you to be happy and if being with Ken is what truly makes you happy, then why not think about what I’ve said? Talk to Ken…find out how he feels. He may surprise you, my love.”

Starsky forced a crooked smile and reached out to give his mother a heartfelt hug. He had never expected to ever have this particular conversation with his mother but, in some odd way, the things she said made sense to him. She had definitely given him some things to think about.

Hutch picked that moment to return from his run. Starsky glanced at his partner with a self-conscious smile and a deep flush that colored his olive toned complexion. Instinctively sensing that he had interrupted a very private moment between Starsky and his mother, Hutch excused himself and left the room. His footsteps could be heard on the steps as he went upstairs to the room that Starsky had shared with Nick when they were children.

“Don’t ever be ashamed of your feelings for Ken.” Rachel advised her confused son in a tender voice. “You both have so much love to give…and you already give that love to each other. Don’t throw this chance away because you think it’s wrong since you’re both men.”

“It really wouldn’t bother you, would it?” Starsky asked in a subdued voice. “If Hutch and I were together like that…”

“It’s not what I would chosen for you…but, no…it wouldn’t bother me as long as you were happy.” She smiled and leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek. “Go…talk to him. Be honest with your feelings…and let him be honest about his…it’ll all work out in the end…you’ll see.”

Starsky turned and slowly walked out of the kitchen. With heavy steps, he climbed the stairs, ready to face whatever the future held for him and his partner. A future that suddenly seemed uncertain and clouded with doubt. But, Starsky knew that he and Hutch would face it together, the way they always had. Me and Thee. The way it had always been and always would be.

The end