A Thin Line

Hutch begrudgingly greets an old acquaintance.

Hello. Boy, it’s sure been a while, hasn’t it? How long has it been anyway? Seven months? Huh. Time sure does fly when you’re not having a hell of a lot of fun, doesn’t it?

You look good. Every curve just as I remember it, all painted up and positively radiant. The center of attention, as always. People can’t help but gaze as they walk by. And you love every second of it, don’t you? You do look a little sad, however, sitting alone here just outside of Huggy’s, waiting for somebody to show. Well, I’m here now. You don’t have to wait any longer.

But I bet you weren’t expecting me, were you? You thought it’d be him here today, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint. It’s not that he hasn’t missed you, because I know he has. He really did love you, you know? Still does. He just couldn’t be here today. He’s still not as strong as he used to be. He’s getting better… much better… but he has bad days once in a while. And this, unfortunately, is one of them. Yeah, I know, Christmas Eve. A pretty crummy time to be feeling bad, especially him. You remember how much he loves Christmas? Of course you do. But he’ll be OK. It’s just going to take some time.

Anyway, he’s tried to be brave and not say too much, but I know down deep he aches for you. He wants to see you again, touch you, smell you. And I can’t deny him much of anything anymore. I’m just so grateful that he’s still alive, still by my side, that I’d give him just about anything. He doesn’t know I’m here. Hell, he doesn’t even know that you’re back. But I’m going to take you to him so that he can see you and be with you. He’ll be excited to have you back in his life, I know. I know I’m doing what’s right for him, even if it doesn’t feel right for me.

See, you and me, we need to get a few things straight. That’s another reason why I’m here. I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding between us. If we’re going to have to be in one another’s lives again, there’s something you need to know. I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I know I told him that I was OK with you, that in some odd way I missed you, too. But that was only to spare his feelings. I know how important you are to him. And I know he just wants things to go back to normal for us all. You and him together, along with me as his partner, his best friend. So I want him to believe that I’ve resolved all of my issues with you and am over all the hurt he and I suffered because of you.

Oh, deep down, I know it wasn’t all your fault. We’re all to blame for what happened in some way. Me for not being more aware of what was going on at the time and him for not being more cautious. But you… you came between us. I almost lost him because of you, and I’ll never be able to forgive you for that.

I’ll never forget that day. Ever. You were there for me when I needed you. You gave me shelter, you were the only reason I survived those moments. But not him. You betrayed him. And so did I… by not doing everything in my power to stop it. I just let you come between us, let you protect me. And because of that, I almost lost the best friend I’ll ever have in my life. I’ll repeat it. I hate you. I will tolerate you because somehow he doesn’t see it the same way I do and he wants you back. But you and I will never be friends. It simply won’t happen. So don’t ever go looking for it. I hate you. You understand?

Good. Just so we’re clear.

Well, it’s time to go to him. He’s back home at his apartment. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when I drive up with you. And don’t try anything on the way there. I know how you work. You’ll purr like a kitten, put on your best moves to seduce me, try to remind me of your appeal. But it won’t work. It’s over, lady. Those horrible moments with the three of us will never be erased from my memory. So just forget it.

Let’s go.

Hutch’s fingers rubbed at the huge ribbon he held in his hands as he stood staring at the object of his hatred. It sat quietly and he could feel it staring back at him with a mocking sneer. He took a deep breath and slowly walked toward the newly painted Torino, taking satisfaction in giving the left rear tire a good, swift kick as he leaned over and began fastening the gigantic Christmas ribbon onto the roof. Once the adornment was on securely, he pulled the keys out of his pocket and jangled them in his hands, fighting the urge to find a sledgehammer and bash in the windows and sides, undoing all of the restoration Merle had spent weeks working on.

Hutch sighed and jerked the door open, the familiar scent of the just cleaned interior assaulting his senses. He climbed inside and slammed the door harder than necessary, the engine roaring to life as he turned the key. He hadn’t expected the comfort he felt sitting inside this God-forsaken car, the very thing he had blamed for keeping him safe on that fateful day while preventing his partner from getting out of harm’s way. But he did feel comfort–hell, it felt like home–and he made the decision to try to relish it instead of resent it. Like it or not, this car was his partner’s pride and joy and he was, hopefully, going to be spending many a painstaking hour inside of it just as soon as Starsky was returned to active duty.

Hutch blinked rapidly, the vision of Starsky lying on the cement in a pool of his own blood flooding into his memory as he slid the gearshift into drive. The car eased out of Huggy’s parking lot, the new red paint gleaming proudly in the sun and Christmas ribbon flapping lightly in the wind as it filed in with traffic. But Hutch didn’t notice the shine or the amused glances from onlookers as the car drove past. All he’d ever see, he knew, would be the bullet-ridden sides, broken windows and blood-stained wheel well that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Hutch smiled as evil plots of revenge against the now rotten striped tomato rolled through his mind. Sugar in the gas tank? A truckload of manure “accidentally” dumped over it one day? The smile broadened as he realized he was almost at Starsky’s. He slowly pulled the car to the sidewalk, and looked up toward the deck where Starsky sat in a plastic chair, reading. Hutch gunned the engine, the familiar growl forcing Starsky’s attention from the book in his lap down to the street.

The reaction was everything Hutch had hoped for. He climbed quickly out of the car and leaned on the roof, offering a slight wave as he watched his partner slowly stand and make his way to the deck’s railing. A look of pure bliss lit Starsky’s face as he clasped his hands together and bobbed up and down like a child on Christmas morning. Hutch swallowed the lump that formed in his throat as Starsky retreated toward the patio door, the spring in his step not yet what it used to be, but enough to have him down to the sidewalk in a matter of seconds. Hutch gently closed the door and smiled as Starsky stood stock-still on the sidewalk, drinking in the beauty of his prized possession. Hutch’s loathsome feelings diminished at once and his fingers ran along the Torino’s hood as he crossed in front of it and to his partner’s side, his teary gaze shifting lovingly from Starsky to the car.

OK, you win, but only for right now. Right now I will love you only because he does. But don’t doubt me when I say, it’s a very thin line, and you will never come between us again.