Conversations and snippets written for the SHFAFF FB group. Mostly older guys. Humour. I own nothing except the grandkids Ollie and Max.
3rd October 2025
H: How’s your crossword going?
S: Great, except for this one corner.
H: Need some help?
S: Not yet, I’m thinking.
Several sighs later.
H: Need some help now?
S: Yes. I got the word Seismic going across which gives me a C in the middle of this word. 8 letters. A medicine or a trace of something.
H: Hmm. Tincture?
S: It fits and that gives me an R at the start of this word. R something something P. An ancient poem or being ecstatic. Who knows anything about ancient poems?
H: The Greeks did and the word is Rhapsody.
S: How do you know that?
H: I don’t know. It just popped into my head!
S: Last word. 4 letters ending with Y. Not normal, gone astray.
H: Pity Starsky doesn’t fit!
S: Hey!
H: Try Awry.
S: Try what?
H: A-W-R-Y. Awry.
S: Well, I’ve learnt a new word today.
H: Is that it done?
S: Yep, it’s done. Thanks for the assist.
H: Can we go eat now?
S: Yes. Let’s go.
H: I’m starving!
S: Hey, that’s usually my line!
7th October 2025
Hutch carefully carried the tray containing two hot dogs and two sodas down the steps until he reached their row. He knew he’d never hear the end of it, if he tripped over his own feet and dropped the lot. Fortunately, they had seats on the aisle so he was able to hand the tray over to Starsky before he sat down.
“Thanks Blintz.”
Hutch nodded as he reached for his soda and took a sip.
Just then there was the thwack of ball against bat, followed by an aaaah. They both looked up in time to see the ball headed their way. Starsky leapt to his feet in an attempt to the catch the ball. It flew high over his head and was caught by a man two rows above. It was only then that he realised that he’d had their hot dogs on his lap.
He looked down to see the hotdogs had disappeared under the seats in front, leaving a splatter of condiments and onions behind. He turned sheepishly towards Hutch.
“Sorry, Blintz! I’ll go get replacements.”
“If I’d done that, Gordo, I’d be being called a clutz right now…amongst other things!” Hutch observed pointedly.
Starsky patted his shoulder. “Always said you were the better man,” Starsky said, with a slightly wheedling tone.
Hutch rolled his eyes as he moved so his partner could get past.
“I’ll remind you of this next time you call me a clutz!”
“I’d expect nothing less,” Starsky said with a grin.
As Starsky bounded up the steps, Hutch sipped his soda and thought with relief, “I’m glad it wasn’t me!”
16th October 2025
A conversation on an anniversary – the reader can decide whose it is.
The phone was ringing. It was late but not that late. Starsky was still up. He knew who it would be even before he saw the caller ID. He smiled.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You didn’t have to call, Hutch. I wasn’t expecting you too. You’re on vacation with your family.”
There was a pause then Hutch said, “If I can’t be there, I call. Sorry it’s so late in the day – first time I could get a minute to myself today.”
“That’s okay.”
“How you holding up?”
“Fine. It doesn’t hit so hard anymore. I took flowers this morning. Took the dogs for a walk. Kept busy the rest of the day. ”
“Good. Dizzy and Oscar behaving?”
“Yeah, but they miss you, pal. Oscar keeps staring at the door, waiting for you to walk through it.”
“That’s just ’cause he has abandonment issues. He does like you.”
“‘Course he likes me! What’s not to like?!”
Hutch chuckled. “Don’t spoil my dogs and don’t let Rusty lead them astray with his lack of discipline. I’ll see you Sunday.”
“As if I’d spoil your dogs!” Starsky protested, even as he looked guiltily at the bag of dog treats he was about to open. “Besides they’re on vacation. Everyone gets spoiled when they’re on vacation.”
“I knew it!”
Starsky laughed.
In response to a voice in the background, Hutch said, “I gotta go, pal. See you.”
“Thanks for ringing. See ya Sunday.”
Starsky turned the phone off and looked down at three expectant doggy faces. He gave each of them a treat and then put the packet away. Rusty and Dizzy headed over to their beds and settled down. Oscar looked forlornly at the door.
Starsky knelt down and ruffled Oscar’s ears. “I know you’re missing him but he’ll be home on Sunday. Till then you’ll have to make do with me.”
Unexpectedly, Oscar gave him a lick.
“Good boy.”
Starsky went to leave the room and Oscar whined.
“Come on then. You can sleep in our room. Just don’t tell Hutch, okay? Or I’ll be in big trouble and nobody wants that.”
Starsky smiled to himself as headed upstairs with Oscar close behind him. It was a good thing his wife liked Oscar or he’d be in trouble with her too!
And three hundred miles away, Hutch said to himself, “I have a strong feeling Oscar’s going to be looking after Starsky,” which really had been the whole point of asking his partner to dog-sit.
23rd October 2025
Feng Shoo-ey
“Starsky, what are you doing?!”
Hutch had come back from a run to find his friend re-arranging his furniture.
“I’ve been reading about Feng Shoo-ey and decided your furniture needs rearranging to give you positive energy for healing and to enhance your peace of mind.”
“You are disrupting my peace of mind and it’s pronounced Fuhng Shway!”
“That’s what I said,” Starsky huffed, as he dragged the couch a few more inches to the left. “There! Ain’t that better? Don’t you feel more positive already?”
“I liked the layout as it was and I’m positive you’re going to put it all back!” Hutch retorted, as he headed towards the shower.
“Oh.”
By the time Hutch was dressed for work, all the furniture was back in its original place, except for the coffee table. Starsky had turned it ninety degrees. Hutch thought it looked good so didn’t say anything about moving it.
“I feel like I’ve done a day’s work already,” Starsky muttered as they headed down the stairs and out to his car.
“Well, whose fault is that?”
Starsky shrugged and slipped grumpily into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
Hutch looked out of the window, starting to feel slightly guilty. His shower had given him time to get rid of his frustration over his partner invading and changing his home space without permission. He’d begun to realise what might be going on in the mind of his curly-haired partner.
Hutch had only received a clean bill of health from the department doctor just over a week ago. It was only a week since he’d gone back on full duty and he knew Starsky was still feeling protective. Hence the various attempts to ensure Hutch kept healthy.
“Next time, ask before you move my things,” Hutch said with only a trace of irritation. He added, “I do think the coffee table looks better where you put it.”
Starsky smiled a little.
“I’ve been thinking about moving things around in the greenhouse…maybe you could help me at the weekend?” Hutch suggested.
Starsky grinned. “Sure! I’d be happy to.”
Hutch patted his partner’s shoulder as the silence between them returned to its usual comfortable level.
“Ready for the day?” Starsky asked as they pulled up outside the department.
“Ready as we ever can be.”
Starsky nodded as the two of them walked up the steps together.
13th November 2025
Hutch went to pick up Starsky for their Thursday lunch date and found his friend in his den surrounded by little scrunched up balls of paper. The man himself was at his desk, busy scribbling notes.
“Hey pal, what are you doing?”
“Oh hey pal! What am I doing? Panicking is what I’m doing!”
“Why?! What’s the matter?” Hutch asked with concern.
“Only seventeen days to go, Hutch!”
“Seventeen days till what?”
Starsky looked at him as if he was a dullard. “Till the calendar starts, of course!”
“Oh!…Lacking inspiration, are you?”
“Lots of inspiration but it’s all terrible!” Starsky wailed.
Hutch smothered a smile. He picked up Starsky’s paper basket and started picking up all the balls of paper. Then he walked to the door, still carrying the basket.
“Come on,” he said, “and bring that paper with you.”
“What? Why?”
“Because over lunch, we’re going to look through all your scribblings and find the perfectly good idea that you threw out half an hour ago and then turn it into something the shfaffies will enjoy!”
Starsky went to protest, thought about it and then hurried after his friend.
14th November 2025
The phone rang. Hutch picked it up.
“Morning!” he said cheerfully.
The voice responding was grumpy. “Morning. I’m fed up. I’ve cracked a tooth.”
“How did you do that?”
“I don’t know! Just eating a piece of toast. I’m falling apart!” Starsky wailed.
Hutch smiled but said comfortingly, “No, you’re not. Have you managed to get an emergency appointment at the dentist?”
“Yes. Midday.”
And Hutch, who knew how much his friend still hated going to the dentist, suggested, “Okay. I’ll pick you up at eleven thirty and take you.”
The response was filled with gratitude: “Thanks pal.”
“You’re welcome.”
As he put the phone down, Hutch thought: “Time was ‘me and thee’ meant watching each other’s backs. Now it means watching a dentist! Although, where Starsky’s concerned, I’m not sure which is more difficult!”
19th November 2025
Ollie: Grandpa, we’ve got to do a History project about the seventies. Can you help me?
Hutch: I’m sorry, did you say History?
Ollie: yes, History.
Hutch: Does Max need to do one too?
Ollie: Yes.
Hutch: Okay, why don’t you both come round here after school? I’ll tell Starsky to be here.
Ollie: Thanks Grandpa. See you later.
*****
Hutch: Morning buddy. Are you free later? Your grandson and mine have got school projects they need help with.
Starsky: I should be free. What’s the project?
Hutch: (awaiting the reaction) A History project about the seventies.
Starsky: I’m sorry, did you say History? Surely you mean Contemporary Studies?!
Hutch: Exactly! Now I feel old!
Starsky: Me too! Happy to help…although most of what I remember is probably X-rated!
Hutch: Me too!
21st November 2025
S: It’s nine days till the calendar!
Nine days till some fun!
Can’t wait to see those special gifts.
Hurry! Get them done!
I hope this year I don’t get hurt.
It’s Hutch’s turn, I’m sure.
H: Hey! They don’t need encouragement!
Some partner – you are!
S: (grinning face)
24th November 2025
S: Morning, pal!
H: Morning. What’s got you so bright and breezy?
S: It’s only one week to go until the countdown begins!
H: Hmm. Technically, you’ve started counting down already.
S: You know what, Hutch?
H: What?
S: I wish I lived in Australia! Then the countdown would start even sooner.
H: Well, you don’t. Do you think you could calm down just a little bit?
S: Er…nope! Too excited. Can’t wait to see the different gifts the shfaffies have been preparing. I tried to get a sneak peek but those elves are tough cookies!
H: They know you too well. Besides, you have to approach them gently, with charm and sweet temptations like Christmas cookies if you want to get by them.
S: You mean…Do you mean to tell me an elf let you have a sneak peek?!
H: Well…no, my attempt didn’t work either!
S: You know what this means?
H: What?
S: We need to coordinate a plan…
Have any thoughts?
Share your reaction or leave a quick response — we’d love to hear what you think!
-
0
-
0
-
0
-
0
-
0
-
0
