Don’t Mess With Me

Hutch’s attempt to intimidate some pesky neighborhood kids means a sweet treat for Starsky.

Special thanks to M H E Priest for helping to transfer this story.

Hutch had been in a bad mood all week. Too many hours worked, not enough sleep, and a ripping headache he couldn’t shake didn’t help. Little wonder that on the first day he’d had off to rest in over a week he was not at all interested in having that rest interrupted. He’d even sent Starsky packing so he could just crash. Unfortunately, the neighborhood pre-teens had a different idea.

With little better to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon, a group of boys had decided the most fun they could have would be playing doorbell ditch throughout the neighborhood. The boys had visited Hutch’s canal side house four times since noon, waking the shaky, irritated detective up each time. Thankfully, Hutch had the presence of mind not to chase the boys off with his Magnum, although the temptation was great.

Instead, after the last time they did it, Hutch decided he would wait for them at the door. Maybe if he jumped out and intimidated them with his iciest, don’t-mess-with-me-I’m-a-cop act they’d leave him alone and he could finally get some sleep. He only had to wait about 15 minutes before the doorbell rang again.

Ready for them this time, he flung the door open and yelled, “Freeze!” while putting on his most intimidating face. His reward… a tiny young lady in a Girl Scout Uniform was standing on his doorstep, screaming in terror now.

Poor Hutch spent the next fifteen minutes being berated by an angry Girl Scout mom. He hung his head, stammered, tried to explain, and apologized a lot. He nodded and looked at the ground while Mama Bear said things to him like,

“Irresponsible”

“What were you thinking”

and

“You should be ashamed of yourself.”

He was.

When they finally left, he plopped himself down on the couch and sulked, feeling extremely guilty.

Four weeks later…

When he climbed into the passenger side of the Torino to head into the precinct one morning, Hutch tossed a grocery bag at his partner. Starsky, a big fan of presents, looked into the bag and was delighted to find five boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies.

“Thanks, Hutch! I’m surprised at you though. These are fattening, sugar-laden, and completely without nutritional value. What gives?”

Hutch just hung his head a little and said, “Ah, just shut up and drive.”

The End

03/2001