Enemy Without

491

After a night out, Starsky attacks Hutch in such a way to tear them apart. What would cause Starsky to act in such a way? Hutch needs to know.

---

Part One

Huggy’s was crowded. But the owner had known they were coming and had saved a table for them. Such was the way of friends. You did things for each other. Sometimes, at the end of a particularly grueling week, something as small as a table in your favorite bar took on a whole new meaning.

Dinner was good. It always was at The Pits, though more often than not, they came for the company. Tonight they were celebrating. They had just wrapped up a very nasty murder case. In light of all their hard work, Captain Dobey had given them the next day off. They didn’t have to be back at Metro until Wednesday. They had thought about getting dates for the evening, but both men had been tired. And truth be told, they hadn’t wanted to entertain. They just wanted to spend some time together and celebrate a job well done.

By the time they left, Starsky was just the tiniest bit unsteady on his feet. Hutch found this amusing and laughed as he helped his inebriated partner into his apartment. Plopping down on the couch beside him, Hutch thought about going to his own place but quickly discarded the idea. He didn’t like leaving Starsky alone when he’d been drinking.

Hutch laid his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He’d only meant to rest for a minute before helping Starsky to bed. He must have fallen asleep though, because when he came awake his partner was sitting on his lap doing his damnedest to feel him up.

“Starsk?” Hutch asked, confused. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What’s it feel like, Hutchinson?” Starsky shot back grabbing Hutch by the hair and kissing him hard enough to bruise.

Hutch tried to jerk away, but Starsky held on. When he tried to bring his arms up he realized that the other man was kneeling on them. Starsky had him quite effectively pinned down and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

“You’ve been flashin’ that ass in front of me long enough, partner,” Starsky growled when he broke the kiss. “Time to pay up.”

“No!” Hutch said trying to break free. His head was spinning, refusing to believe what was happening. He refused to believe his partner was trying to rape him. Not Starsky.

“I can’t wait to fuck you,” Starsky husked, grinding his pelvis down onto his partner’s. Hutch could feel the man’s erection through their clothing. That, more than anything, chilled him.

“Starsk… buddy…” Hutch said continuing to struggle. “You don’t wanna do this.”

“Wanna bet?”

A slight tensing of Starsky’s body was all the warning Hutch got before his friend was off him and slinging him onto the floor. Hutch tried to catch himself, tried to move… roll… do anything. But Starsky was on him too fast, slamming a knee into his back and wrenching his arms up painfully. Before Hutch could even try to break the hold, Starsky had his hands securely cuffed. Only then, when his prey was rendered helpless, did he remove his knee.

Hutch lay where he was, trying to get both his breathing and the pain under control. He didn’t understand what had happened to turn his most trusted friend into this… this monster, but he knew he was in trouble. Whoever this Starsky was, he wasn’t playing. He meant what he said. He closed his eyes for a moment, terrified for both himself and his friend. He had no illusions as to just what this would do to the real Starsky when he came back.

Hutch was jerked out of his thoughts by rough hands pulling him to his feet. Once standing, he struggled in Starsky’s grip, trying to free himself. He got a punch in the face for his trouble and was hoisted into a fireman’s carry. Even there, he fought, refusing to make this easy.

“You want me to beat the crap outta ya?” Starsky asked, slamming his hand down on Hutch’s backside.

Hutch gasped at the unexpected pain. That was no love tap. His partner had hit him hard. Probably hard enough to bruise even through the denim. It was time to rethink his strategy. If he kept pushing there was no telling what this Starsky-clone might do.

Hutch held still for the rest of the ride into the bedroom. He grunted when his partner dumped him onto the bed. The cuffs were becoming painful. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words died in his throat.

Starsky was taking his clothes off.

This was for real.

Hutch lay frozen in the middle of his partner’s bed. If he looked up he could see himself in the overhead mirrors. He didn’t look up. He didn’t want to watch what was about to happen. Instead, he kept his eyes glued to his partner. He watched Starsky throw his clothes on the floor, then reach down to dig something out of his pants pocket.

It was his pocketknife. The one Hutch had gotten him for his birthday last year. God, don’t let him kill me with it.  He watched as Starsky stalked toward the bed, his heavy erection swaying.

Hutch tracked him with his eyes as Starsky moved to the foot of the bed. He watched the man lay the knife down carefully then reach out and grab his left foot. Hutch kicked out as hard as he could. He heard a satisfying grunt as he connected with his partner’s abdomen causing Starsky to lose his grip.

Hutch watched as a dark cloud passed over Starsky’s face. His partner smiled at him, though it was really more of a leer, then stalked to the dresser. Jerking the dresser open, Starsky rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for. Tie in hand, he turned back to the bed.

Hutch tensed for the next round. The tie in his partner’s hand changed things. His arms were already bound behind him. If Starsky managed to tie his legs as well he would be completely at his mercy. He could not allow that to happen.

He watched warily as Starsky laid the tie on the bed and reached for his foot again. This time when he tried to kick, Starsky was ready. It was all over in seconds as Starsky trapped both feet then bound them together. Now Starsky could do whatever he wanted without having to worry about a well-aimed kick. Locking eyes with his partner, Hutch struggled as Starsky held his bound legs and quickly removed his shoes and socks. The unveiling had begun.

His legs still in Starsky’s grasp, Hutch could only look on helplessly as Starsky picked up his knife and began to cut his pants away. The man made quick work of both jeans and briefs then threw the knife across the room. Hutch’s legs were then forced down as Starsky crawled onto the bed and knelt over them, pinning them in place with his body.

Hutch couldn’t hold back his startled gasp as Starsky lowered his head and took his soft cock into his mouth. Those same hands that had been so menacing moments before were now tenderly stroking him. Hutch felt a wave of shame wash over him as his body began to respond. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be raped. But the hot, wet mouth and gentle hands could not be denied. The fact that it was Starsky doing this made it even harder to resist. What he was doing now was the stuff Hutch’s most secret fantasies were made of. Soon, though, the nightmare would return. Of that, Hutch had no doubt.

Hutch could feel Starsky smile around the erection in his mouth. He knew what his partner was doing. He was making damn sure that Hutch enjoyed it. The humiliation was almost crushing in its intensity as Starsky continued to hold Hutch’s legs down. He could feel his cock swell in Starsky’s mouth, the reaction only serving to make Starsky suck harder. The sounds coming from his mouth of their own volition increased his shame as he moaned on one breath and pleaded for Starsky to stop on the next.

“No!” Hutch cried out as the orgasm he’d been fighting rushed through him. He shook his head in denial as he felt Starsky swallow his cum. In all of his fantasies it had never been like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not between them.

Hutch was shaking by the time Starsky sat up. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, his face on fire with the shame of his unwanted orgasm. He felt Starsky move off them then, but before he could react, his legs were grabbed and Hutch found himself flipped over onto his stomach.

Hutch bit back a moan as Starsky straddled his legs once more and spread his cheeks. Hutch’s mind was still rebelling at the thought of Starsky doing this to him. But his orgasm, as well as the head of his best friend’s cock at the entrance to his body, were a grim reality.

“Starsk, please,” Hutch begged, trying to get through to his friend. “You don’t want to do this.”

“Oh yes I do,” Starsky replied. “I’ve wanted your ass for years, Hutchinson. Now I’m gonna take it.”

Starsky pushed his hips forward and Hutch felt a blunt pressure at his anus. Starsky shoved forward again and Hutch cried out at the pain as his body gave way. He could feel himself tear, the pain sharp and stinging in his ass, but Starsky didn’t seem to notice. He pulled back a little to slam forward again, inching his way inside the dry channel.

It seemed to take forever, but at last Hutch felt Starsky’s body pressed tight against his own and knew he was all the way in. He felt Starsky hold himself there, seemingly enjoying the feel of Hutch’s body clamping down around him. He didn’t hold still for long, though, and soon Hutch felt him pulling almost all the way out and ramming back in.

When the movements became easier, Hutch realized that his own blood was acting as a lubricant. Tears leaked from his eyes as he was forced to endure the painful assault. He could feel Starsky’s cock sliding in and out of his body, rutting in him as if he were an animal.

“Do you feel that?” Starsky snarled as he thrust forward again. “Do you feel that, Hutch? That’s my cock in you. Do you like it?”

“No,” Hutch choked out. “Starsk, stop. Please.”

“You feel so fucking good like this,” Starsky said, ignoring his plea. “I can feel you squeezin’ my dick, you’re so damn tight. But don’t worry, you won’t be tight for long.”

In the end, it was more than Hutch’s mind could take and he mercifully blacked out.

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky awoke with a groan. He could tell he was in his own bed and from the way the mattress was feeling, he knew he wasn’t alone. He rolled over to inspect his bed partner and was shocked to find Hutch beside him. As he took in his partner’s state – pants and underwear gone, hands and feet bound, blood on the sheets – the previous night came back. He bolted out of bed, barely making it to the bathroom before his body rebelled.

When the dry heaves finally released him, he collapsed back against the side of the tub. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the memories of what he had done from assailing him. He had raped his best friend. He had raped Hutch.

Like an automaton, he got up and dressed himself. He flinched when he noticed Hutch’s blood on his penis, but he didn’t wash it off. It was evidence, after all. Going to the phone next, he called Dobey. He refused to tell his captain what had happened, only that he needed him right away. Once he was satisfied Dobey was on the way, he turned his attention to Hutch.

As carefully as he could, Starsky rolled his partner onto his side. Hutch didn’t wake as Starsky undid the handcuffs. He started to throw them across the room, then stopped and laid them down beside the bed. No sense making some uniform hunt for the evidence.

“Starsk?” Hutch called softly when he felt gentle hands turning him.

“Don’t move, Hutch,” Starsky cautioned, his voice equally soft, as he untied his partner’s legs. “Are you… did I… do you need… need an ambulance?”

“No,” Hutch said. “No ambulance.”

“Dobey’s on his way,” Starsky said as he moved away from the bed. He purposely moved into his partner’s line of sight then sat down on the floor crossing his legs and placing his hands on his knees. He would present as little of a threat as possible. “I couldn’t… couldn’t ride in a black and white.”

“Starsk?” Hutch gingerly sat up. His shoulders ached and his hands were numb. He tried to ignore the sharp pain centered low in his back. He looked at the despondent man sitting in the center of the floor and realized that his partner was back.

“You should… should go to the hospital, Hutch,” Starsky choked out. “I tore you up pretty bad.”

“Why, Starsk?” Hutch asked. Why did you do it?

“I don’t know.” A knock at the door made both men jump. Starsky rose to his feet slowly, in no hurry to greet his visitor.

“What the hell is going on, Starsky?” Dobey shouted as he walked into the apartment. “What was so important that I had to come here?”

“I’m turning myself in, Cap’n,” Starsky said.

“Turning yourself in for what? Starsky, what are you talking about?”

“For rape, Cap’n,” Starsky forced himself to say. “I raped my partner last night. I didn’t want to ride down in a black and white. I… You should read me my rights, sir.”

Before Dobey could reply Hutch walked out of the bedroom wearing a pair of Starsky’s sweat pants. The captain took one look at the blond detective and knew that Starsky was telling the truth. It was written all over Ken Hutchinson’s face.

Starsky closed his eyes as his captain read him his rights. He didn’t say a word, merely nodded that he understood. He started to protest when Dobey went to cuff him, but thought better of it. Maybe it would help Hutch to see his attacker being punished.

“Hutchinson, do you need to see a doctor?” Dobey asked as he prepared to take Starsky away.

“No, sir. Just let me get cleaned up and I’ll meet you at the station,” Hutch replied.

~~~~~~~~~~

The ride to the station was silent. Starsky refused to answer any questions in the car. The only thing he said was that Dobey should keep an eye on Hutch to make sure he didn’t need a doctor. The police captain was at a loss as he pulled up at Parker Center. If he took Starsky inside in handcuffs, it would be all over the precinct in an hour. Hutch didn’t need that kind of grief right now.

“I’m going to take these cuffs off, then you and I are going to walk in there like everything’s fine. You’ll go straight to the interrogation room and wait. Is that clear?” Dobey said.

“Yes, sir,” Starsky replied.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Hutch got to the station Starsky had given his statement to Dobey three times. Each time he admitted to subduing and raping his partner by force. Each time he offered no excuse for his actions. And each time it seemed like a little piece of David Starsky died with the telling.

Starsky didn’t look up when Hutch walked in. He could tell it was his partner. He always knew when Hutch walked into a room. He longed to reach out to him, but he didn’t move. There was no comfort he could offer anymore. The best thing he could do for Hutch now was to make sure the bastard that hurt him couldn’t ever do it again. Even if that bastard was himself.

Hutch took a good look at his partner. Starsky was sitting across from Dobey, his head down and gaze riveted to the tabletop. His arms rested there, too, hands held loose and open. In all his years as a cop, Hutch had never seen a perpetrator look this… sorrowful. He felt a momentary pang of sympathy, but it was washed away when he shifted in his seat and the pain flared again.

Hutch forced him to retell that night again and again. Each time he pressed a little bit harder, but Starsky’s story never changed. “Why’d you do it?” Hutch shouted at him. “Why? Did you enjoy it? Did you get off on hurting me?”

“NO!” Starsky yelled back, his face crumbling under the sudden assault.

“Then why?” Hutch pressed. He had a right to know, damn it!

“I don’t know!” Unexpectedly, Starsky clutched at his stomach then bolted out of his seat toward the trashcan. He knelt over it, retching and dry-heaving, though there was nothing left in his stomach to come up. Dobey walked over to stand beside him and was alarmed to see blood trickling down his face.

“Do you need a doctor?” the captain asked. Starsky just shook his head. No, he didn’t need a doctor.

“What about a lawyer?” Dobey questioned. Again Starsky shook his head. He didn’t need a lawyer either.

“Don’t need one, sir,” Starsky said when he found his voice. “I’ve confessed. I’ll plead guilty and waive my right to a trial.”

That stunned both men. If Starsky went before a judge like this, he’d see hard time. Probably ten years or more in the state pen. He’d be lucky if he lasted six months. Not once the inmates found out he was a cop. And a rapist. They’d take a great deal of pleasure in making sure the “punishment” fit the crime.

“Starsky, do you realize what you’re saying?” Dobey asked.

“Yes, sir,” Starsky replied, his head still bowed over the trashcan. “Kinda fittin’, don’t ya think?”

Hutch was about to give his opinion on that when Dobey stopped him. “C’mon, Starsky. We’re gonna take you down to a holding cell now.”

“Shouldn’t you process me, Cap?” Starsky asked, getting to his feet and wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

“I’ll process you when I’m damn good and ready to,” Dobey snapped. “For now you’re gonna cool your heels in a holding cell. Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Starsky whispered.

Hutch went to Dobey’s office while the captain led Starsky down to the holding cells. Dobey left explicit instructions with the guard on duty not to let anyone in Starsky’s cell. A single glare curtailed all the man’s questions for the time being. Dobey knew that wouldn’t last for long, though. You don’t throw one of your own in a cell and keep it quiet. It just doesn’t happen.

“He’s secure,” Dobey said, closing his office door behind him. “I told the guard not to let anyone in with him. That should keep him safe until we figure out what the hell is going on.”

“Yeah, safe,” Hutch snorted. “You know what they’ll do to him if we send him to prison, don’t you?”

“I know,” Dobey sighed. “But I don’t see that we have much choice. It all depends on how you want to handle this.”

“I wish I knew,” Hutch said and bowed his head.

A sudden commotion in the squad room interrupted their conversation. Both men got up to find out what the noise was all about. They walked out of Dobey’s office just in time to see Huggy Bear trying to get past the other officers.

“Hutch, my man, I gotta talk ta you right now,” Huggy said, pushing the uniformed officer aside and making a beeline for his friend.

“What is it, Huggy?” Hutch said, motioning for the uniforms to leave.

“Where’s Starsky? Have you seen him?” Huggy asked, his eyes scanning the room for his curly-haired friend.

“Why don’t we take this into my office,” Dobey suggested. Huggy shot the two men a puzzled glance but followed them. Only when the door was once again firmly closed did anyone speak.

“Why are you looking for Starsky?” Dobey asked.

“I’m worried about him,” Huggy replied. Something was wrong here and until he understood what was going on he wasn’t volunteering any information.

“Why?” Hutch cut in. “What’s there to be worried about?”

“What’s goin’ on, Hutch?” Huggy asked.

“Starsky’s in trouble, Huggy,” Hutch said. He motioned for Dobey to let him handle this. “A lot of trouble. Now why are you worried about him?”

“Shit!” Huggy exclaimed. “One of my girls called me this morning. Said she saw some chick slip somethin’ inta his drink last night. Said she woulda called me last night but she went home with this dude and didn’t think about it. I called both your places. When I couldn’t find you, I came here. So what’d he do?”

“How’d you know he did anything?” Dobey jumped in.

“Cause my man Hutch here didn’t say he was sick,” Huggy replied. “He said he was in trouble. That means Starsky did something. And something pretty bad from the looks of you two turkeys.”

“Starsky raped someone last night, Huggy,” Hutch said. “He’s downstairs in a holding cell now.”

“Is the chick gonna press charges?” Huggy asked after sinking into the nearest chair.

“It wasn’t a woman,” Hutch said. He moved to the window and stared out at the street below.

“Oh shit,” Huggy gasped. “I’m sorry, man. I… I don’t know what to say. Are you gonna press charges?”

“I don’t know,” came the pained answer. “If we can prove he was drugged…”

“Then let’s quit talkin’ and get to provin’.” Huggy stood up and waited for the other two men. Dobey glanced at Hutch then made a call. Someone would meet them downstairs to collect a blood sample. In the meantime, Huggy was going to see what he could find out about the mystery woman.

~~~~~~~~~~

It took two hours for the results to come back from the lab. When they did, Dobey didn’t know whether to be relieved or dismayed. Starsky had been drugged all right. It was hard to tell with what, most of it had already worked its way out of his system. But the upshot was that it was something designed to make him both violent and sexually aggressive. According to the lab boys, he would have attacked whoever he was with last night. Hutch just had the misfortune of being the one in his path.

“Great,” Dobey yelled. “Now I’ve got some nut out there trying to do who knows what to my detectives.”

“I guess it was a good thing it was me,” Hutch said. “This would have been a hell of a lot messier if an innocent woman had been involved.”

“You’re right there,” Dobey agreed. “But that doesn’t make this any easier on you. Or on Starsky.”

“Yeah,” Hutch said, afraid this might be the thing that finally broke his partner. He remembered the look on Starsky’s face, the complete void of emotion. And he remembered Starsky’s refusal to fight for himself.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Hutch shouted. He slammed his fist into the filing cabinet, rocking it back against the wall. “They had no right! They had no right do this. Not to me. And not to HIM!”

“Easy, son,” Dobey said, trying to calm him. “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through. But I want you to know I’m here for you, Ken. And we’re gonna get these bastards. Now, go get your partner and get back up here. We’ve got work to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky didn’t move when his cell door opened. He was lying on the cot with his back to the door. He had been waiting for this since they’d taken him down here. Now it would start. Whoever it was would probably just beat him this time. They’d wait till tonight for the rape. Starsky had already made up his mind not to fight them. If they wanted to take him, he’d let them. It would be no more than he deserved.

“Starsk?” Hutch called out to the figure lying forlornly on the bunk. It hurt him to see his proud partner brought to this. He knew exactly what the man had been thinking. I should have trusted you. I should have known you’d never do something like this. Especially to me.

Starsky stiffened at the sound of that beloved voice. His heart cried out that it wasn’t fair. He wanted nothing more than to get on his knees and beg Hutch to forgive him. He wanted to wrap himself around Hutch and never let go. But he couldn’t do either and he knew it. He would not force his presence on his partner. He couldn’t.

Hutch saw the effect his voice had on the other man. He watched as Starsky’s whole body went rigid then began to tremble. Hutch swore he was going to find out who was responsible for this and he was going to make them pay. They weren’t going to get away with doing this. To either of them.

Walking slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal, Hutch neared the cot. He knelt down and laid a gentle hand on Starsky’s arm. The moan that single touch elicited from Starsky made Hutch’s soul ache. It was a horrid keening sound, born of equal parts pain, fear, and desolation.

“Starsk, it’s okay,” Hutch whispered, his face inches from his partner’s ear. “You were drugged, Starsky. Do you hear me? You were drugged.”

“Don’t matter,” Starsky whispered back. “Still did it. Still… r… ra… raped you.”

Hutch could feel the tense body shaking harder under his hand. Not knowing what else to do, he moved his arm down to Starsky’s stomach and pulled the man against him. He rested his head on his partner’s, his lips now touching the ear he spoke into.

“It matters,” Hutch continued. “I knew it wasn’t you. I knew that something was wrong. Something had made you out of control. That’s why I stopped fighting. I was scared I was gonna push you into killing me. And I thought that as long as we were both alive we could get through it.”

“You shouldn’t be here, Hutch,” Starsky said, trying to get rid of the man. This was the most painful of tortures, to be shown what he’d had and what he’d destroyed.

“Neither should you,” Hutch came back. His hand rubbed a lazy circle on Starsky’s stomach and he felt the muscles jump under his touch. Still, he continued the soothing motion, determined to get through to his partner.

“No, I should be in hell, but nobody’s sent me there yet,” Starsky said. “I’ll be there soon, though. Then you won’t hafta worry no more.”

“What’s it gonna take, Starsk? What’s it gonna take to get you started moving past this? Do you need me to beat the shit out of you? Would that help to even the score some for you?” Hutch never stopped the gentle stroking, nor did he raise his voice. The last thing Starsky’s guilt complex needed was to feel any sort of anger from him right now.

“Do you… do you know what it was like to wake up and realize what I’d done to ya?” Starsky moaned. “To you, the one person in the world I wanted to make happy. I thought about just eatin’ my gun after I called Dobey. I mean, why go through the trouble of a trial? I was goin’ down for this. But then I thought that might be too easy. I didn’t want ya ta feel cheated outta anything. Figured when I went to prison you’d get some satisfaction outta knowin’ what they were doin’ to me.”

“God, babe. Do you really think I wanted you to go to prison? Even before I knew that you were drugged, I knew I couldn’t let that happen.” Hutch’s voice was strong in Starsky’s ear and his arm tightened around his partner’s waist to pull him closer. “Do you honestly believe I wanted you to be raped?”

“You were,” Starsky said desolately.

“Yeah, I was,” Hutch agreed. “And I need your help to find the bastards that did it. I need you, partner. You’re not really going to let me do this alone, are you?”

“I… I don’t think I can help ya, Hutch,” Starsky said. “All I wanna do is die. Oh, God, I wish whatever they doped me up with woulda just killed me.” The tears came at last. Starsky couldn’t hold them back anymore. He shook as he held the sobs in and Hutch just held him tighter.

“No,” Hutch denied vehemently. “No. You’re not going to die. I’m not gonna let you. I need you, partner. I need you. You wanna make this up to me, then you live. Do you hear me? You live.”

“I ain’t that strong, Hutch,” he cried. “I don’t think I can live with what I done.”

“Listen to me. In all the years we’ve known each other you’ve never let me down. Don’t you dare let me down now. Not this time. Not when I really need you. I can’t do this one without you.”

Hutch didn’t know how long they stayed like that. He kept up a steady stream of encouragement, refusing to let his partner give in to the despair that was choking the life out of him. It was going to be hard, Hutch knew that. This had shaken the very core of their friendship. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, it had damaged his trust in Starsky and Starsky’s own trust in himself. But he refused to let this tear them apart. They weren’t going down without a fight. All he had to do was convince Starsky there was something left worth fighting for.

Finally, Starsky’s tears seemed to reach their end. He reached out and covered Hutch’s hand with his own. “I don’t know how you can even stand to be in the same room with me, much less touchin’ me like this,” Starsky said. “But if you can stand to be around me, I’ll help ya. I’ll help ya get ’em for this. Then I’ll go someplace far away where you won’t have to ever see me again.”

“Right now all I’m concerned about is getting you out of here and finding who did this to us,” Hutch said. “As for being around you, you’re my best friend. I’m not gonna run out on you when you need me.”

“Hutch…”

“And you ain’t goin’ anywhere, pal,” Hutch continued. “You’re staying right here with me. We’ll get through this, Starsk. Together. Just like we get through everything.”

“How can you want me around?” Starsky asked, not understanding how Hutch could just forget what he’d done.

“God, Starsk, don’t you get it?” Hutch hissed, his grip tightening. “You’re the only thing that’s holding me together right now. I’m hurt and I’m scared and I’m confused. And the only thing I know for sure is that I’m not letting them destroy us.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Dobey looked up when his two detectives entered the room. They looked like hell. He could tell Hutch was still in pain and Starsky looked like he wanted to curl up and die. Dobey realized he probably did. He’d seen enough rape victims in his time to know this was going to be hard on Hutch, but it looked like it was going to be even harder on Starsky.

“I believe these belong to you, Detective,” Dobey said as he pushed Starsky’s gun and badge across the table to him.

“Yes, sir,” Starsky said, his voice subdued as he picked them up.

“How do you two want to handle this?” Dobey asked. He watched as Hutch took his partner by the arm and sat him in a chair, then pulled another chair close and sat down. Through it all, he never released his hold on his partner’s arm, as if his touch would somehow ground them both.

“I’m not sure yet, Cap,” Hutch said.

“I’ll let you handle it for now, but whatever you do, make sure you keep me informed,” Dobey admonished. “And I don’t think it’s a good idea for either of you to be alone right now. I’ll assign a man to stay with each of you…”

“That won’t be necessary,” Hutch broke in. “We’ve always watched each other’s backs before. We’ll do it this time.”

“Under the circumstances, are you sure that’s the wisest thing to do?” Dobey asked, finally getting a reaction from Starsky.

“What he’s sayin’ is it’s not safe for you to be alone with me,” Starsky spat. “I mean who knows what I’m capable of, right?”

“Calm down, Starsky,” Dobey said.

“Captain, with all due respect, Starsky is my partner and he’s going to stay that way. I’m no more afraid of him than I am of the tooth fairy. Someone raped me. And the bastard used my partner’s body to do it. I won’t let you hold that against him.” By the time his speech was through, Hutch was on his feet and standing between Dobey and his partner. Dobey had to bite back his smile. They had a long way to go, but maybe they could get through this. If they stuck together.

“If you don’t think it’s safe…” Starsky began, his voice shaking almost as much as his body.

“Starsk…” Hutch whispered as he once more knelt down beside his partner and placed a soothing hand on his arm.

“If you don’t think it’s safe, Cap, you gotta tell me,” Starsky continued. “I can’t… I can’t… wake up like that again. You gotta tell me if you don’t think it’s safe.”

“Hey, hey,” Hutch soothed. “You listen to me, partner. I don’t think it’s safe, I know it is. You won’t hurt me. I believe that all the way down to my toes. There isn’t anyone I feel safer with, Starsk.”

“God, Hutch. If I hurt you again…”

“You won’t,” Hutch promised. He wrapped his arms around his partner then and held him. “You won’t.”

“How can you be so… so sure?” Starsky asked.

“Because you love me,” Hutch stated firmly.

~~~~~~~~~~

By unspoken agreement they ended up back at Hutch’s. Neither man felt up to tackling all the memories at Starsky’s place right now. Personally, Starsky never wanted to set foot in there again and planned on getting rid of his bed as soon as he could. He’d sleep on the floor before he slept on that thing again.

Hutch led his partner to the couch and pushed him down as gently as he could. Hutch seemed to sense his unease and squeezed his shoulder. It hurt to see Starsky like this. Just yesterday he would have made himself at home without thinking twice. Now, he was afraid to even sit on the couch.

“Have you seen a doctor?” Starsky asked after Hutch sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Nah,” Hutch said, trying to pass the question off as unimportant. “Didn’t need one.”

“C’mon, Hutch,” Starsky argued, the recrimination easy to hear. “I was there. I know how bad I tore you up. You need a doctor. Maybe even stitches.”

“I don’t need a doctor, Starsk. And I certainly don’t need any stitches.” Hutch shuddered at the thought. There was no way in hell he was letting some stranger poke around back there. “I bled a little, sure…”

“A little?” Starsky choked out.

“But I’m okay now,” Hutch finished.

“If you’re so okay why’d ya wince when you sat down?” Starsky asked.

“Because I’m sore, Starsky,” Hutch answered honestly. “It still hurts some and sitting down tends to hurt more than standing up. But I’m not gonna bleed to death and I don’t need stitches. You’re dick isn’t that big.” Hutch realized the joke fell short when his partner paled and bolted for the bathroom.

Hutch followed him and for the second time that day had a ringside seat for his partner’s dry heaves. By the time Starsky managed to calm down again the toilet bowl was bright red and Hutch was in a panic.

“Oh my God,” Hutch exclaimed when he saw the blood. “We’ve got to get you to a hospital, buddy. Right now.”

“No,” Starsky said as he laid his head down on the seat. There was no way he was going to a hospital. Not when Hutch hadn’t even seen a doctor. Besides, there was nothing wrong with him other than a horrible sense of self-hatred.

“Starsk, you’re throwing up blood!” Hutch said a bit louder than he meant to.

“So what,” Starsky mumbled. “It’s payback. Blood for blood.”

“Oh, Starsky,” Hutch sighed as he knelt down beside his partner. He laid a hand on the man’s back and felt the fine tremors that ran through him. “I don’t want your blood. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“I can’t help it!” Starsky yelled, pushing back from Hutch’s touch. “Every time I think about it all I wanna do is die. If I had the guts, I’d cut the fuckin’ thing off. At least then I’d never hafta worry about hurtin’ someone with it again.”

“Stop it!” Hutch yelled back. “Stop talking like that. It’s all I can do to hold myself together right now. I can’t hold you together, too. So just stop it. You’re not gonna cut your fucking dick off. You’re not.”

By the time Hutch finished his tirade, Starsky had drawn his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. He was rocking back and forth, tears streaming down his face. He was repeating something over and over and Hutch had to lean forward to hear what it was.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Starsky chanted.

Hutch kicked himself for losing his temper and scooted closer to his partner. Starsky tried to back away, but he was trapped against the tub with nowhere to go. Hutch knew better than to force his affections on his partner right now. Instead, he opened his arms and waited.

Starsky stared at the open arms of his best friend. All at once, something seemed to give. With a wail, he flung himself forward, into arms he never thought he’d feel around him again. “Forgive me. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please. Forgive me,” he begged as Hutch embraced him tightly.

“I forgive you,” Hutch crooned as he held him. “I forgive you. It wasn’t your fault. I forgive you.”

It took hours, but Hutch finally managed to get Starsky settled on the couch. He doubted if his friend would get any sleep tonight, but he could at least lay down and rest. As Hutch made his way into his bedroom, he bleakly ran through a list of who hated them enough to do something like this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hutch moaned in his sleep as the visions assaulted him. Starsky leering at him. Starsky threatening him. Starsky holding him down, beating him into submission, then taking him. Starsky pulling a gun on him, shoving it inside his mouth.

His nightmare jumped from one disjointed image to the next with Starsky starring in each one. One minute Starsky was forcing him into the bedroom, the gun still shoved inside his mouth. The next had his partner tying his naked body face down on the bed. Then his own gun was shoved painfully inside him in a prelude of what was to come. The dream Hutch prayed for the thing to go off. Anything to end this pain, this humiliation, this rending of his soul.

But it would not be that easy. As the demon in his dream raped him with his own gun, Hutch begged and pleaded for mercy. The thing wearing his partner’s face just laughed and shoved the gun in further. Hutch could feel the blood running down between his legs, could feel the cold metal of the gun barrel as it sawed in and out of him.

Starsky wasn’t sure what woke him. He had been tossing and turning on the couch, trying to sleep like Hutch wanted him to, but he couldn’t. The events of the day wouldn’t let him find the peace he needed to rest. Another low moan from the bedroom brought him instantly alert.

The dream shifted again and he was back in a dingy room, tied to a chair, bloodied and beaten. He looked around for Forest and his goons, but they were nowhere to be seen. The only other person in the room was Starsky. He started to call out to his partner to help him when he saw the look on his face. This wasn’t Starsky after all. This was the demon. The doppelganger.

It was like watching a movie. Or a train wreck. He could do nothing but look on as Starsky walked over to him and stuck a needle in his arm. Ever so slowly, Starsky pushed half the heroin into his vein, smiling at the look of terror on Hutch’s face.

Starsky tiptoed into Hutch’s bedroom as quietly as he could. He didn’t want to wake the man if he didn’t have to. Hutch needed as much rest as he could get. He walked over to the side of the bed where Hutch lay moaning in his sleep and moving restlessly about. He could tell his friend was in the grip of a dream. And not a good one from the sounds he was making. Normally, Starsky wouldn’t have hesitated to wake him. Now, though, he wasn’t sure if he should intrude or not.

“Suck me and I’ll give you the rest,” the dream Starsky purred. Hutch watched as he pulled out his erect cock and placed the head at his dream-self’s lips. The dream Hutch didn’t hesitate. He quickly opened his mouth and sucked his partner’s cock inside.

The image changed again and he was seeing the inside of Gillian’s apartment. Only this time, it wasn’t a grieving Starsky kneeling beside her that he saw. This time, the demon was there and he was forced to watch helplessly as the thing with his partner’s face raped the woman he loved and slowly strangled the life from her.

The dream changed again and he was back in Starsky’s bedroom, his hands cuffed behind him, his best friend rutting into him furiously. He could feel Starsky’s cock pounding into him… ripping him… tearing him…

“No…” Hutch moaned out loud. “Please, Starsk. Stop. Please…”

The sound of Hutch’s pleading made up his mind. Leaning down, Starsky placed a gentle hand on Hutch’s shoulder and shook him. Hutch’s reaction was immediate. His eyes flew open in terror as he tried to back away from Starsky’s looming presence. Not again! his mind screamed as the visions from his dreams crowded out reality.

“NO!” Hutch cried out as he tried to get away. “Don’t. Please don’t hurt me anymore.”

Starsky recoiled as if slapped. He immediately backed off, his hands held up in surrender. Pain knifed through his entire body at the fear he saw in his friend’s eyes. He backed out of the room without a sound, unable to say or do anything other than distance himself from the horrible truth.

He sank down on the couch unaware of his surroundings. The pain was all-consuming, eating him alive from the inside out. Picking up his gun, he curled into a ball, his back to the room. Soundless sobs wracked his body as he gripped the gun tightly in his hands. No more. Please. No more.

It took a moment for Hutch to realize that he was safely in his own bed. A few deep breaths later and he understood that he had been dreaming, his subconscious making Starsky the villain of every atrocity in his life. But that wasn’t true and Hutch knew it. Then he remembered the look on Starsky’s face when he’d woken up.

“Shit,” Hutch cursed under his breath as he hurried into the living room. The sight that greeted him was worse than he’d expected. Starsky lay curled in on himself on the couch. From across the room Hutch could see the tremors that wracked his body, though no sounds could be heard.

He hesitated, as unsure what to do as Starsky had been earlier. The last thing he wanted was to upset Starsky any more than he was. As he tried to figure out what to do, his eyes fell on the empty holster on the table. In three long strides he was to the couch and sitting beside his partner. He grasped Starsky’s shoulder and rolled him back until he could see his face.

Hutch almost wished he hadn’t. Starsky was sobbing. Tears were running down his face though no sound emerged. The thing that scared Hutch the most, though, was the Beretta that was clutched tightly to his chest. It was wrapped in both hands with Starsky’s finger on the trigger.

“Easy, buddy,” Hutch whispered softly as he stroked Starsky’s arm. “Everything’s okay. I was just having a bad dream.”

“Go away, Hutch,” Starsky whispered. “You don’t wanna get any on ya.”

Hutch felt his insides freeze at the hopelessness in those words. “Give me the gun, Starsk,” he coaxed. “You don’t want to do this. You promised you’d help me.”

“I can’t,” Starsky whimpered. “You’re afraid of me now. I seen it in your eyes. You thought… thought I was com-coming after you again.”

“No, partner. No,” Hutch argued. “I was still half asleep. I would have freaked out at whoever woke me up. I wasn’t seeing you. I was still lost in the dream. Please, Starsk. Give me the gun.”

“I can’t take this, Hutch,” Starsky said. “It’s eatin’ me alive. I love you so much and to know I raped you…”

“Starsky, don’t,” Hutch said. “Don’t do this to yourself. Damn it, David, I can’t lose you. I love you!”

Both men froze at Hutch’s unexpected outburst. “What did you say?” Starsky asked, not daring to believe what he had heard.

“I said I love you,” Hutch repeated calmly. “I’ve loved you forever, Starsk. And I refuse to let… to let whoever’s behind this take you away from me. I won’t lose you. I can’t.”

“How can you…” Starsky began only to be cut off by Hutch’s irritated reply.

“I don’t know. I’m so confused right now I don’t know what to think. All I know is I won’t let them win. Now will you please give me the gun?”

“Sure, Hutch,” Starsky replied. He carefully took his finger from the trigger and handed his partner the gun. Hutch took it and set it on the far side of the coffee table where Starsky couldn’t reach it. He’d find a more permanent spot for it later.

“Will you be able to sleep now?” Hutch asked, clearly trying to steer the subject onto something other than his feelings for his partner.

“Hutch…”

“Don’t, Starsky,” he said firmly. “Not right now. Too much is going on for me to try and sort through this right now. Give it time, partner.”

“Sure, Hutch,” Starsky said. “Whatever you need.”

“What I need is to know that you’re going to be all right out here for the rest of the night,” Hutch shot back. “Then I need to try and get some sleep.”

“I’ll be okay,” Starsky said. “Even if I can’t sleep, I can lie here and rest. You go back to bed, Hutch.”

Hutch didn’t reply, merely stood up and made his way to his bedroom. He made sure to take the Beretta with him. His Magnum was already safely tucked away. Maybe tomorrow he’d be able to give Starsky back his gun.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Hutch came out of the bedroom, Starsky was already awake. He still lay dutifully on the couch where Hutch had left him the night before. From the red and swollen look of his eyes, Hutch could tell he’d been crying. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Hutch walked into the kitchen.

“Why don’t you go grab a shower while I start breakfast,” Hutch suggested. “I think you’ve got some clothes in the bedroom.”

“Sure, Hutch,” Starsky said as he stiffly sat up. He didn’t really feel like moving, but if Hutch wanted him to shower, he’d shower. And if Hutch wanted him to eat breakfast, he’d eat breakfast. He just wished he could figure out how to get Hutch to want him to die.

Rummaging in Hutch’s room, Starsky found a set of clothes and made his way to the bathroom. He froze when he undid his pants and saw the dried blood on his penis. He didn’t realize he was screaming until the bathroom door flew open and a terrified Hutch barged in.

Starsky tried to cover himself when his partner burst in. He didn’t want Hutch to see this. Not this. But it was too late and all Starsky could do was watch as his friend paled and turned away. Maybe now he’ll give me back my gun.

“It’s okay, partner,” Hutch gritted out, his own anger and pain and God-awful humiliation nearly choking him. “Just get in the shower and get cleaned up. It’ll be okay.”

“No, it ain’t okay. It ain’t never gonna be okay again!” Starsky yelled. “I got your blood on me, Hutch. YOUR BLOOD!”

“I KNOW!” Hutch screamed back, his patience at an end. “I KNOW! You think I can’t see that? You think I don’t comprehend just what that blood all over your cock means? Now get in the fucking shower, Starsky, and WASH IT OFF or I’ll drag you in there and do it myself!”

Turning on his heel, Hutch walked out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He was shaking like a leaf by the time he made it back to the kitchen. “God, please,” he whispered. “I don’t know how much more we can take.”

Starsky stood where Hutch had left him, staring at the bathroom door. Very slowly, his mind began to unlock and he removed the rest of his clothes. His movements were jerky, mechanical, as if his mind couldn’t quite remember how to move his body. When he was finally naked, he turned the hot water on and stepped under it. The water grew hotter, but Starsky ignored it as he washed his body from head to foot. He then went back to his groin and began to scrub. Steam billowed from the showerhead, but he continued to ignore the scalding heat as he scrubbed and scrubbed at his reddening flesh. He had to get clean. He had to get clean so Hutch wouldn’t hate him. If he could just get clean again maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

In the kitchen, Hutch tried to calm his warring emotions. He was so angry all he wanted to do was beat the crap out of something. Or someone. But at the same time, he was beside himself with worry. Starsky was not handling this well. He was not handling this well at all. And if he wasn’t very careful, he could push him right over the edge.

Walking back into the living room, he was alarmed to see steam pouring out from under the bathroom door. When he threw open the door, the blast of moist, hot air made him wince. He could barely make out Starsky through the haze. Striding forward, he reached into the shower and turned off the water. He yelped when the nearly boiling liquid splashed onto his hand.

“I just need to get clean,” Starsky muttered as he scrubbed, seemingly oblivious to Hutch’s presence.

“Oh, babe,” Hutch moaned. “What’d you do to yourself?” He looked at his friend and grimaced. Starsky’s whole body was glowing pink, but his penis was the worst. The normally dusky flesh stood out red and angry. He’d be lucky if it didn’t blister.

“I need to get clean,” Starsky repeated. “Hutch won’t like it if I’m not clean. He told me to get it off, but I can’t. It won’t come off. Why won’t it come off, Hutch?”

“Starsky, stop,” Hutch said, laying his hands over his partner’s. The scrubbing stopped as Starsky’s whole body froze at the contact. “You’re clean. It’s all gone now.”

“Hutch?” Starsky said.

“It’s okay, Starsk,” Hutch said. He helped his partner from the shower and wrapped a towel around his shoulders. “Let’s get you into the living room.”

Starsky let himself be led out onto the couch. He didn’t say a word as Hutch dried him then went to find his clothes. He tried not to grimace when Hutch helped him dress. It hurt. But that was okay. He wanted it to hurt. Maybe, if he hurt enough on the outside, the pain on the inside would go away.

“Can I have my gun back now?” Starsky asked as they settled at the breakfast table to eat.

“Are you going to try to kill yourself?” Hutch asked baldly. He got his answer when Starsky looked away. It was more than he could take. “You don’t want your life anymore? Fine! But before you throw it away why don’t you give it to somebody that does?”

“What?” Starsky asked, not understanding what Hutch was trying to say.

“You may not want your life anymore, pal, but I sure do,” Hutch explained. “So why don’t you just give it to me.”

“Uh, sure, Hutch,” Starsky said. “Whatever you say.”

“Fine. Great. Wonderful,” Hutch replied before stabbing his breakfast angrily. “But you just remember this. Your life isn’t yours anymore. It’s mine now. And I can do whatever I want with it so I suggest you don’t piss me off anymore.”

“Su… sure, Hutch,” Starsky stammered. He was beginning to think he might have made a mistake in taking Hutch up on his bizarre offer. But then again, what did he care? If Hutch wanted his lousy excuse for a life, he was welcome to it.

“Eat your breakfast,” Hutch said as he forced himself to do the same. Starsky did as he was told without comment.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” Starsky asked after they finished.

“First, we check in with Dobey. Then we start looking at this thing like the case it is. Huggy’s already checking on the girl from the Pits. Time to rattle the trees and see what shakes loose.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Hutch did indeed give Starsky back his gun, but not before making it clear that he would do something dire if Starsky pulled another stunt like the one from last night. Starsky wasn’t sure just what his partner would do to him, but he wasn’t stupid enough to actually want to find out. Some things were better left unknown.

Outside The Pits, Starsky hesitated. This was where it had started. This was where someone, for reasons unknown, had taken his relationship with Hutch and destroyed it. He wasn’t sure he could walk back in there.

“Starsk?” Hutch called from the doorway. He could read the fear and the pain in his partner’s blue eyes and cursed whoever had done this. “Come on, partner. Huggy’s waiting for us.”

“We’re gonna get ’em, Hutch,” Starsky said, forcing himself to walk forward. “We’re gonna get ’em and we’re gonna make ’em pay for what they did to us.”

“Yeah, partner, we are,” Hutch replied, clasping Starsky’s shoulder before leading the way inside.

Huggy was on the phone when they walked in so they took a seat at the bar to wait for him. Starsky was still tense, but Hutch could see that he was doing his best to cope. It was no picnic for him, either. He remembered everything about that night and being back here brought it all rushing back.

“Hey, fellas. How ya doin’?” Huggy asked, his normal cheery demeanor cast aside as his concern for his friends took over. He couldn’t begin to imagine what Starsky must be feeling. Just to know that Hutch had been raped hurt him in ways he couldn’t begin to understand. But to know that Starsky had been the one to do the deed… He didn’t know how Starsky was still functioning.

“We’re hangin’ in there, Hug,” Hutch replied. “You find out anything yet?”

“Not much, man,” Huggy said, shaking his head. “My girl said she saw some chick slip somethin’ inta Starsky’s drink. Says she’s seen the chick here before. Thinks her name’s Martha or Megan or something.”

“You got a description to go with that name?” Starsky asked. His eyes were glued to the bar, refusing to meet those of his friend. He could not bring himself to take the chance of seeing blame in Huggy’s eyes.

“Look at me, bro,” Huggy said softly. “I ain’t talkin’ till you do.”

Knowing he didn’t have a choice, Starsky met the eyes of his friend. Deep inside him, a small knot of pain eased when he saw only worry and concern reflected back at him. He knew it was irrational to place such importance on Huggy’s reaction to all this, but Starsky couldn’t help it.

“It wasn’t your fault, bro,” Huggy said. “Blondie here ain’t holdin’ it against you and neither am I.”

“Thanks, Hug,” Starsky mumbled as he fought for control. He was not going to cry here. Not here. He refused to burden either of his friends with yet another emotional outburst on his part.

“What have you got for us, Huggy?” Hutch asked, bringing the conversation back to less emotional ground.

“My girl said she was young, pretty, about 5’6″, brown hair and green eyes.” Huggy rattled off the description he had committed to memory. If she, or anyone looking like her, showed up here, he’d know about it.

“You remember anybody like that, Hutch?” Starsky asked.

“Not really. What about you?”

“Nah,” Starsky said. “I wasn’t really paying attention, though. At least not to anyone other than you.”

Hutch thought about commenting on his partner’s strange statement, but let it pass. Now was not the time. Right now they had a psycho to find. Hopefully before she made her next move. Whatever that might be. He wished they had something more concrete to go on. There had to be hundreds of green-eyed brunettes in this town. And any number of them could be named Martha or Megan or what the hell ever.

“If you find out anything else, give us a call,” Starsky said as he stood to leave. “And if she shows up back here…”

“Will do, my man,” Huggy assured them. “If anyone even close to lookin’ like our lady shows up here, you’ll be the second to know it.”

“Thanks, Huggy,” Hutch said. “And if you can’t reach us, call Dobey. Other than the three of us, he’s the only one who knows what happened.”

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Starsky said as he turned and left. He had to get out of there. Right now. By the time he made it to the car he was panting and trying to calm his thundering heart.

“Is he gonna be all right?” Huggy asked as he watched Starsky practically run from the bar.

“I don’t know,” Hutch admitted. “He’s having a really tough time with this. The guilt’s eating him alive.”

“I can imagine,” Huggy said. “And what about you, man? How are you holdin’ up?”

“Oh, okay, I guess,” Hutch said, smiling half-heartedly. “It’s hard. I want to be angry, but I can’t cause I can’t let Starsk think I’m angry with him. He’s barely holding on and I think it’d kill him if he thought I blamed him.”

“You’re prob’ly right,” Huggy agreed. “But listen, blondie. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. I know you’re doin’ everything you can to hold Starsky together, but you were the one that was raped.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Huggy,” Hutch said, the sadness in his voice painful to hear. “We both were. Only with Starsky, they raped his soul instead of his body.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky frowned when they pulled up in front of his apartment. He looked at his partner, about to protest, but it died on his lips. Sweat had broken out on Hutch’s face and his hands gripped the wheel tightly.

“We ain’t gotta do this, Hutch,” Starsky whispered.

“Yes, we do. You need clothes and stuff. And I need to do this,” Hutch tried to explain.

“I don’t know if I can,” Starsky said, trying desperately to think of a way to talk Hutch out of this.

“You don’t have to go in, Starsk,” Hutch said gently. “You can wait here. I’ll just pack a few things for you and be right back.”

When Hutch went to open his door, Starsky’s arm shot out, pinning him in place. Starsky’s breath was coming in harsh gasps and he looked angrier than Hutch had seen him in a very long time. “You think for one second that I’m gonna let you go in there alone? You think I’m gonna let you face that alone? What the hell kind of a friend do you think I am?”

“The best kind,” Hutch answered, ignoring the first two questions. “But I know you don’t want to go inside. Not yet anyway. It’s okay, Starsk. I can handle it.”

“No. No, it is not fucking okay,” Starsky growled. His hand was fisted in Hutch’s shirt, holding him. “And you’re not going in there without me. We do this together, partner. Remember?”

“I remember,” Hutch said.

“Then let’s get it the fuck over with.” Starsky released him and got out of the car.

They walked into the apartment together, with Starsky leading the way. What he saw nearly brought him to his knees. The place was trashed. Many of his things, some of them the few things he actually treasured, were broken and scattered about. But the worst was the message. Spray painted across the wall was a single word:

RAPIST

“What the hell?” Hutch gasped when he saw the destruction.

“Looks like somebody paid me a visit,” Starsky said. He glanced about the apartment, but his eyes kept returning to the paint-covered wall. Rapist. That’s what he was now. It was a moniker he would wear for the rest of his life. Rapist.

“You okay?” Hutch asked, trying to draw him back to the present. He watched as Starsky’s eyes returned again and again to the wall. He was going to find who did this if it was the last thing he did.

“I’m okay, Hutch.” The words were toneless… hollow.

“Let’s get what we came for and go,” Hutch said. He wished he’d never come here. Starsky didn’t need this right now. He was barely holding on as it was.

“Shouldn’t we call it in?” Starsky asked, the cop in him forcing its way out.

“We’ll call Dobey from my place,” Hutch said. “Why don’t you wait out here while I pack you a bag? Maybe you can salvage some of this.”

“Together, partner,” Starsky shot back. “You’re not going in that… that room without me.” Without another word, Starsky brushed past him and walked to his bedroom. He paused outside the room for a moment, then forced himself to walk inside. Unlike the rest of the apartment, this room was exactly as he’d left it.

Hutch walked behind his partner as they entered the room. Like Starsky, he had expected devastation here, too. But thinking about it, he supposed whoever was behind this would want to leave this room intact. Why obliterate something that would cause them pain in and of itself?

“Hutch, I need to ask ya some stuff,” Starsky whispered, though why he was whispering he could not have said.

“What?” Hutch whispered back, matching both the volume and the seriousness in his partner’s voice.

“What did you do with your pants?” Starsky asked.

“My what?” Not understanding what his partner was asking. Or for that matter, why he was asking it.

“Your pants,” Starsky repeated. “The ones I c-cut off you. What did you do with them?”

“I didn’t do anything with them, Starsk,” Hutch said. “Why?”

“They’re not here. They’re not where I left ’em.”

“Are you sure?” Hutch asked.

“Hutch, every second of your… assault… is carved in stone in my head,” Starsky said, his voice shaking. “I remember it all. And I remember dropping your pants at the foot of the bed after I cut ’em off you.”

Hutch was silent. He cast his own mind back trying to remember little details. It was hazy at best. He had been in shock. So had Starsky, but if Starsky said he remembered leaving his pants there, then he believed him. The question was, what did it mean?

“Is anything else missing? Or out of place?” Hutch questioned. It was time to be a cop again. He could be a victim later.

Taking a deep breath, Starsky began to scour the room. The knife was where he’d thrown it. The cuffs were where he’d laid them. The bloody sheets… the bloody sheets were still on the bed. The discarded tie was next to the cuffs.

“Everything else is here,” Starsky confirmed. “The only thing missing is your jeans.”

“Well, I sure didn’t do anything with them,” Hutch said, not liking this new development at all. “After you went out to talk to Dobey I got up and put on a pair of your sweats. Then I walked out to hear you turning yourself in. After Dobey left, I, um, cleaned up a little bit and went down to the station. I never touched my jeans.”

“Fuck!” Starsky’s unexpected exclamation startled his partner.

“Look, Starsk, let’s just pack you a bag and get the hell out of here,” Hutch snapped. “We can try to figure this out back at my place.”

“We’ll be disturbing a crime scene if we start poking around,” Starsky advised.

“So fucking what!” Hutch yelled. “We’re not going to report it to anyone but Dobey. He can come over and take some pictures. As long as we don’t touch the bed, we’ll preserve most of the evidence. Now get some stuff together cause I don’t know how much longer I can handle being here.”

After Hutch’s outburst Starsky hadn’t said another word as he packed some clothes. The silence continued on the ride back to Venice Place.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Hutch said as they pulled up outside his apartment.

“That’s okay, partner.” Starsky said.

 

Part Two

The next two days passed without incident. And without progress. No one fitting the mystery woman’s description had been back to Huggy’s nor had anyone been seen near Starsky’s apartment. Apparently their girl was lying low.

They tried to go back over their cases and think of who would want to hurt them like this. There were so many to choose from that without more to go on, there was no way to know. They had even gone so far as to check the descriptions of the wives and girlfriends of the worst of the lot. That had been a dead end, too.

The only positive development had been Starsky. He seemed to be coming out of the almost fugue-like state he’d been in, the depression and shock finally easing a bit. That alone made things easier on Hutch, allowing him to spend a little time on his own feelings rather than pushing them away to see to his partner’s needs.

It all went to shit the day they got the tape in the mail.

Hutch was leafing through the mail when he came across a small brown envelope. When he turned it over, the word RAPIST screamed out at him. He briefly considered not telling Starsky about it, but decided against that. They were in this together.

“Starsk,” Hutch called.

“What’s up?” Starsky asked, walking into the kitchen to join Hutch at the table.

Silently, Hutch slid the envelope across the table to him. He watched helplessly as the blood drained from his friend’s face and Starsky began to shake. He really was going to kill someone when he found out who was behind all this.

“Open it,” Starsky said through clenched teeth as he slid the envelope back.

Using a handkerchief, Hutch tore the envelope open carefully and a cassette tape slid out. A label had been affixed to one side that read: HOW TO RAPE YOUR PARTNER BY D. STARSKY. Anger swelled in Hutch again. Why did they keep doing this? It seemed every time Starsky made a little headway in getting over what happened something new brought it all back. First his apartment with that horrid message on the wall and now this. Hutch knew his partner was going to insist on listening to the damn thing. Personally, he wanted nothing more than to burn it and to hell with any clues it might hold.

“We can have Dobey listen to it if you’d rather,” Starsky said. He knew his partner and knew what he was thinking. The last thing he wanted to do was to make Hutch listen to his own rape.

“I’d have thought you’d want to listen to it yourself,” Hutch said.

“I do,” Starsky admitted. “But we gotta have it checked for prints anyway.”

“All right,” Hutch said. “I’ll call Dobey and let him know we’re coming. He can have somebody ready to dust for prints when we get there.”

“Sure, Hutch,” Starsky replied, wishing this would all just go away. “Let’s get it over with.”

Together they walked into their captain’s office. Dobey and a lab tech were waiting for them. Hutch handed over the envelope and the tape then sat down beside Starsky. There were few prints on the envelope and none on the tape itself. The lab tech promised to have the results back by the end of the day, but they all knew the prints probably belonged to Hutch. It looked like their mystery lady was smart enough to be careful.

Dobey waited until they were alone to pull out a small tape player. He set the machine on his desk then looked at his detectives. “Would you rather listen to this in private?” he asked. If that tape held what it said it held, he didn’t know how Hutchinson was going to take it. Not to mention Starsky.

“Just play it, Cap,” Starsky said. Hutch nodded his consent and Dobey pushed play.

A woman’s voice floated out of the machine, startling all three men. “How To Rape Your Partner by D. Starsky,” the voice said. “Otherwise known as The Rape Of Kenneth Hutchinson.”

The sound of rustling could be heard on the tape. Hutch frowned, not understanding what it was, but Starsky knew. This was when he was moving around to climb on top of Hutch, making sure to position himself to hold the sleeping man down. Starsky was mortified. His eyes flashed to his captain’s but he had to look away. The blame he saw reflected there was more than he could take.

“Starsk?” Hutch’s sleepy voice came over the tape. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What’s it feel like, Hutchinson?” Starsky’s voice shot back. The sounds of muted struggling could be heard. It sounded as if someone’s mouth was being covered.

Unable to look at the other two men, Starsky bowed his head. He laced his fingers together tightly and tried to keep from shaking. Hutch was ghost-white as the memories of that night assailed him. Dobey looked at his two detectives and felt his temper flare. How dare they be treated like this? And how dare they be forced to relive it?

“You’ve been flashin’ that ass in front of me long enough, partner,” Starsky’s voice said, dripping menace. “Time to pay up.”

“No!” They heard Hutch’s voice cry out. More muted struggling could be heard as Hutch fought to free himself.

Starsky jerked as Hutch’s voice cried out on the tape. His eyes filled with tears as he heard his friend struggle. Then he felt Hutch’s hand on his arm, squeezing lightly and the shaking he had been holding off began.

“I can’t wait to fuck you.” Starsky’s voice again.

Starsky couldn’t hold back a sob as he heard his own voice saying such a vile thing to Hutch. Hutch simply squeezed his arm tighter, crying himself now as images flashed through his mind. He had been so afraid for them both.

Dobey watched as, through his own pain, Hutch reached out to his partner. Personally, he wanted to pick Starsky up and shake him. He knew it wasn’t the man’s fault, but it still didn’t change the fact that David Starsky had raped Ken Hutchinson. It still didn’t change the fact that Dobey wanted him to pay for it.

“Starsk… buddy…” Hutch’s pleading voice said. “You don’t wanna do this.”

“Wanna bet?”

There was silence for a moment then the sound of something hitting the floor. More struggling and heavy breathing broken by a few grunts then all was silent again. The sound of a fist hitting flesh startled everyone and both partners knew this was when Starsky had punched him.

“You want me to beat the crap outta ya?” Starsky’s voice floated out from the tape followed by the sound of a hand hitting flesh again. Hutch’s gasp of surprised pain came through loud and clear and Starsky cringed, sinking deeper into the chair. His shame was magnified by Dobey’s presence as he wondered what his captain must think of him now.

More rustling and shuffling then the sound of bedsprings creaking as something heavy landed there. Silence reigned again, punctured only by the soft rustling of cloth. Hutch could see it all in his head so clearly. Starsky stripping then coming to the bed with the knife.

The sound of flesh being struck followed by a loud grunt filled the room, then the sounds of a struggle drifted from the tape. The sound of material being cut away made Dobey flinch and he stared long and hard at Starsky’s bent head. If this damn tape didn’t end soon, he’d end up adding his own dents to the filing cabinet.

A gasp, then the soft sounds of flesh being suckled made Hutch’s face turn red. Hutch raised his eyes to look at his captain and the compassion he saw there eased the worst of it. Until he began to moan, that was. And beg. Humiliation rolled through him as he listened to the tape.

“No!” the Hutch on the tape cried out. The real Hutch felt a fresh wave of shame wash over him as he listened to the sounds of his own orgasm.

The bed creaked again and all three men knew what was happening. “Starsk, please. You don’t want to do this,” they heard Hutch beg.

“Oh yes I do. I’ve wanted your ass for years, Hutchinson. Now I’m gonna take it.” The sound of movement then Hutch’s voice crying out in pain were more than Starsky could take. He sobbed openly as the horror of that night came back. They were right. He was a rapist.

“Do you feel that? Do you feel that, Hutch? That’s my cock in you. Do you like it?” The evil in that voice made Starsky’s stomach roll. If Hutch didn’t have a death grip on his arm, he’d have bolted from the room. Hutch, himself, wasn’t in much better shape as he listened to himself beg for mercy.

“No. Starsk, stop. Please.”

The sounds of grunting could be heard as the Starsky on the tape approached his orgasm. Hutch realized this must be where he passed out. He listened raptly, finding out for the first time what happened once he was unconscious. Any hope that Starsky hadn’t completed the act were dashed as he listened to his friend’s orgasm.

“HUTCH!” they heard Starsky call out. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he’d come.

The tape cut off with an audible click. Hutch, pale and nauseous, immediately turned his attention to his partner. Starsky sat shaking in the chair beside him, his head bowed and his eyes refusing to move from their spot on the floor. Tears ran down his face unchecked and his hands were clenched together as he fought to regain his control.

“Take him home, Hutch,” Dobey snapped, unable to hold back his anger.

“Captain?” Hutch asked, confused by the terse order.

“Get him out of here!” Dobey said, the tension in his voice easy to hear. The last thing either of them needed was to see him lose control. “Take him home, Ken. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir,” Hutch said as he helped his friend to his feet. Starsky allowed himself to once more be led from Dobey’s office. He didn’t say a word all the way to the car. He was drawing in on himself, building a wall where nothing and no one could get to him. But how do you keep out your own memories? How do you keep out the soul killing knowledge that you raped your best friend?

Somehow, the events on the tape had been even worse than he remembered, if that were actually possible. Starsky had remembered taunting his friend, but he couldn’t believe his own cruelty. And how could he have just ignored Hutch’s pleas? Hutch had told him no and he’d done what he wanted anyway. It wasn’t supposed to be that way.

“What, buddy?” Hutch asked as he pulled up in front of his apartment. Starsky looked at him wide-eyed and realized he must have spoken out loud.

“It wasn’t supposed to be that way,” Starsky repeated.

“What wasn’t?” Hutch asked again, not understanding.

“Our first time together,” Starsky answered. “I’ve loved you for so long. Wanted you, too. But I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to force you… to rip your body apart just to shove myself inside you. Why’d they hafta do it, Hutch? Why’d they hafta take the best thing in my life and ruin it? It woulda been better if they’d’ve killed me.”

“Starsky, no,” Hutch said. “Look, I know this isn’t the right time for this, but I love you, too. I have for a long time and…”

“It’s not fair!” Starsky interrupted, unable to listen to Hutch tell him of everything that could have been. “They took it away from us.”

“Hey, they only take what we let them take,” Hutch argued.

“Get real, Hutch,” Starsky shot back, his anger coming out. “There’s no way you’ll ever want me to touch you like that… like a lover. Not now. Not after what I did.”

“Starsk…”

“That’s okay, Hutch,” Starsky went on. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make love to anyone again. I don’t think I could ever… ever… penetrate… anyone.”

“Don’t say that!” Hutch snapped, his voice loud in the quiet stillness of the car. “It’ll take time, but we’ll both get through this. And you’re wrong about not wanting you. I do. I may not be ready yet, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I still want you. And don’t forget, I own you now, pal. Lock, stock and barrel.”

Knowing his words would never be enough, Hutch leaned forward and placed a soft, closed-mouth kiss on his partner’s lips. It was one of the most chaste kisses he’d ever given, but it was all he was capable of right now. He knew Starsky would understand.

Starsky froze at the feel of those soft, dry lips on his own. He didn’t know what to do so he did nothing. Better that than make a move and it be the wrong one. Never in a million years had he expected his partner to kiss him much less want him in any sort of sexual sense. It broke his heart to know what had been taken from them. They would never have a gentle and loving first time. That was gone forever. But Hutch was still here and he still loved him. Maybe, just maybe, something could be salvaged from this after all.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dobey was waiting for them when they arrived the next day. Officially they were working undercover on a rape and possible extortion case. Their prior cases had been handed out to other detectives to finish. Dobey knew his men were in no shape to handle them right now. They were spending every bit of energy they had on healing and on finding out who was behind this whole mess. Dobey hoped, for everyone’s sake, that they found the culprit soon.

“Maybe it’s not somebody from your past,” Dobey suggested. “Maybe it’s just a psycho who chose you at random.”

“Then how do you explain Starsky’s apartment? Or the tape?” Hutch asked.

“Sorry, Cap, but it just doesn’t feel random,” Starsky interjected. “It feels personal.”

“What about a woman one of you’ve dated?” Dobey asked. They were grasping at straws but they had little else to go on. “It wouldn’t be the first time one of you’ve hooked up with a nut case.”

“Gee, Cap, your sensitivity is under whelming,” Starsky said snidely as he cast a glance at his partner. They both knew the man had been referring to Diane Harmon. But Starsky didn’t think that was the case this time. “And no, I haven’t dated anyone that fits that description.”

“Sorry, Captain,” Hutch said. “No short, green-eyed brunettes for me, either.”

“Great!” Dobey replied. “What about a relative? Maybe a sister of someone you’ve dated.”

“I can’t think of anyone who’d want to do that,” Starsky said. “I mean, sure, some of ’em weren’t too happy with me, but none of ’em were nuts.”

“Starsky, have you ever done anything even remotely like this before?” Dobey asked. He hated himself for having to ask but knew there was no choice.

“Are you asking me if I’ve ever raped anyone before?” Starsky asked incredulously.

“You know damn well that’s what I’m asking. Now answer the question!”

“NO! No, I’ve never tied someone up and forced myself on them. No, I’ve never had sex of ANY SORT with anyone who wasn’t 100% willing,” Starsky shouted. Beseeching eyes met his captain’s and in a quieter voice, “I swear, Cap, the most I’ve ever done was talk a girl inta goin’ home with me. But if she didn’t want to, once we got there, I never pushed it. I swear I didn’t.”

“It’s okay, Dave,” Dobey said softly, trying to reassure the distraught man. “I believe you, son. I had to ask. You understand, right?”

“I understand, Cap’n,” Starsky replied. He was about to say more when Hutch’s voice cut in.

“If you ever do that to him again, I’ll take you apart myself,” Hutch snarled, enraged that their captain would treat Starsky like that. “Do YOU understand THAT?”

“Hutch, don’t,” Starsky implored.

“It’s all right, Dave,” Dobey said. “And yes, Hutchinson, I understand.”

“Good,” Hutch said. He stood to leave then and Starsky followed. “If you need us, we’ll be in the car or at my place.”

~~~~~~~~~~

They spent the rest of the day running down leads. By the time they got back to Hutch’s they were thoroughly discouraged. Every time they turned around they were running into another dead end. To make matters worse, all the prints on the envelope had belonged to Hutch. They were back at square one.

The sound of glass crashing against the wall in the bedroom brought Starsky off the couch, gun in hand. Rushing into the room, he stopped short at the sight of his partner standing alone in the center of the room. He could see a mess against the far wall where Hutch had hurled his beer. He was about to ask his partner what the problem was when he saw the bed.

There, neatly laid out, were Hutch’s missing jeans. Whoever was doing this had gotten in here as well. And if fear was their goal, they succeeded. Starsky heard the message loud and clear. They weren’t safe in their own homes.

“They’re watching us,” Hutch said once the initial shock wore off. “They have to be. How else would they know when we’d be gone.”

“Yeah,” Starsky agreed. “So now what? They got in at my place. They got in here. There was no sign of forced entry. And they know I’m was stayin’ with you. They wouldn’ta sent the tape here if they didn’t. They wanted me to hear it.”

“They wanted us both to,” Hutch said. “But I agree with you. They wouldn’t have sent the tape here if they didn’t know you were staying with me.”

“Maybe I should go,” Starsky said.

“What are you talking about?” Hutch demanded.

“If I go, maybe whoever’s doing this will leave you alone,” Starsky reasoned.

“No way, partner,” Hutch said, shaking his head. “Together, remember?”

“Hutch, I’m scared,” Starsky said as he sat down on the side of the bed. “I couldn’t take it if they made me hurt you again.”

“They won’t, buddy,” Hutch reassured him as he sat down beside him. “And even if they did don’t you think I’d rather take a chance on that then you getting hurt. I’d go through that a hundred times over if I thought it would keep you safe.”

“Sometimes… sometimes I wish it had been the other way around, you know,” Starsky said. “That I was the one that got raped.”

“You think this would be any easier for me if I was in your place?” Hutch asked. “Trust me, Starsk. I know I got the better deal. I was raped. I have to live with that. But I wasn’t the one that was forced to… to defile… our friendship. That’s what it was. It was a defilement. But we’re gonna get through this. We have to.”

“It hurts, Hutch,” Starsky said. “It’s hurts so bad. Like my heart’s dyin’ or somethin’. It feels like they took everything good in me and made it bad somehow.”

“I know, buddy,” Hutch said. “And maybe, for a few minutes, they did. But I’m still here and I’m gonna make it all good again. You’ve just got to let me. You gave yourself to me, now trust me to take care of you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Hutch awoke to the feel of cold metal pressing against his temple. Opening his eyes brought the shotgun into sharp focus. As well as the woman smiling down at him. “Twitch and I’ll blow your brains out, then I’ll start on Starsky,” she said.

“Not if he gets you first, Lauren,” Hutch replied calmly as he recognized his cleaning lady. She had replaced Fifi three months ago. No wonder she had such an easy time getting into the apartment. She had a damn key!

“Not a chance,” she snorted. “Root beer was drugged. That’s happening to him a lot lately. He couldn’t wake up right now if his partner’s life depended on it.”

“Bitch!” Hutch snarled.

“Temper, temper,” Lauren replied. “I wouldn’t piss off the person with the shotgun if I were you. Who knows what I might do. Or who I might do it to. Now I want you to get up nice and slow and get dressed. We’re going on a little trip.”

“And if I say no?” Hutch asked.

“Then my friend starts breaking things on your partner. Or cutting them off. Like I said, he won’t wake up no matter what we do. Now, get up and get dressed.”

With little choice, Hutch did as he was told. Lauren made sure to keep him far away from his gun, but he wouldn’t have gone for it anyway. She had said there was another one somewhere and Starsky was in danger. He would just have to trust his partner to find him before it was too late.

Hutch stopped in his tracks when they walked into the living room. There, holding a shotgun to Starsky’s sleeping head, was another woman. A short brunette. Would the mystery guest please sign in?

“Hutch, meet Megan,” Lauren said. “Meg, this is Hutch.”

“A pleasure,” Megan replied.

Hutch’s eyes flashed between the two women, then over to the coffee table where Starsky’s gun lay. It was always trickier with women. With men, you could usually tell what they would and would not do. With women, all bets were off.

“Well, it seems Hutch here is having delusions of grandeur,” Lauren said when she saw him eyeing the gun. “Meg, why don’t you show him that we’re serious?”

“I’d love to,” the woman responded. Hutch could only watch as the butt of the shotgun was brought down hard on Starsky’s face. Even if he hadn’t have been drugged, the blow would have knocked him out.

“I didn’t do anything!” Hutch shouted, forcing himself not to lunge at the woman. Blood ran from Starsky’s nose and Hutch had to stifle the rage that swept through him.

“But you thought about it,” Lauren replied. “Now let’s go. And just so we understand each other, Megan will stay here until I call her and tell her it’s okay to leave. If, however, I don’t call her within the next thirty minutes, she gets to kill your partner any way she chooses. And trust me, she’s even crazier than I am.”

Lauren motioned toward the door and Hutch had no choice but to go. He hated leaving Starsky defenseless, but there was no way around it. He was pretty sure they weren’t going to kill him. If that had been the plan they’d have done it already. No, what they had in mind was probably much worse.

Hutch did as he was directed, and found himself sitting inside a non-descript sedan. “I’m sure you could easily overpower me and get this shotgun away, but just remember, Megan’s upstairs with Starsky,” Lauren said as she set the gun down on the floor and started the car.

“What’s to stop me from using that shotgun to force you to call Megan?” Hutch asked, weighing his odds.

“I won’t do it,” Lauren answered. “You can shoot me if you want to, but I won’t call her.” Somehow, Hutch believed her. She would die before she’d make that call. And Starsky would die, too.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up at an abandoned warehouse. Taking the shotgun, she motioned for Hutch to precede her inside. He did so quickly, very aware of how much time had passed since they’d left.

“Take off your clothes,” she directed once they were inside. “And I suggest you hurry. You only have eight minutes left.”

She watched as Hutch stripped, blushing slightly under her gaze. He felt vulnerable and exposed, keenly aware that this was the woman responsible for his rape. He started to cover himself with his hands, then forced them back down at his sides. He would not give her the satisfaction.

“Six minutes left,” she said casually.

“Make the call,” Hutch snapped, worried about his partner.

“See that post over there?” she asked, ignoring his comment. She waited for him to nod then continued. “Walk over there and cuff yourself to it. Make sure to keep your back to me. You’ll find the cuffs nailed into the top.”

Hutch hesitated for a second then briskly moved across the room. It took him a minute to get his hands cuffed over his head. His earlier feelings of vulnerability surged through him and he had to fight to push them away.

“I’m cuffed,” he called out. Lauren walked over and checked to make sure he was secure. He was. He wasn’t taking any chances with Starsky’s life.

“Guess I’ll go make my phone call,” she said, walking over to a nearby table and picking up the phone there. “Don’t worry, Hutch, you’ve still got three minutes.”

Hutch waited on pins and needles as Lauren placed the call.

“We’re here,” she said into the phone.

“What!” she exclaimed. “No way. I’ve still got two minutes on my watch.”

“Well get the hell out of there. Somebody had to have heard that 12 gauge go off.” Lauren hung up the phone and turned her attention back to her guest.

“No!” Hutch cried out, tugging ineffectually at the cuffs.

“Sorry,” she said as she walked over to him. “Guess we didn’t have our watches synchronized. I’m sure he never felt it, though.”

“You BITCH!” Hutch snarled as he tried to lunge for her. “WHY are you doing this?”

“Revenge,” Lauren laughed. “For what you and your partner did to my brother. And to Megan’s.”

“Your brother?” Hutch repeated.

“Yes. My brother. George Prudholm. You do remember George Prudholm, don’t you?” she asked, her face changing as hate marred her features.

“And what about Megan?” he asked. “Who’s sister is she?”

“Ben Forest’s,” Lauren replied. “I’m sure you remember Ben. He sends his regards. And since we all know how much you love horses, we’re going to make sure you get to ride all you want.”

“No,” Hutch gasped. It couldn’t be. Not that. He couldn’t go through that again. Not without Starsky. Without Starsky. Starsky was dead. He was going to kill this bitch if it was the last thing he did.

“Oh, come on now,” Lauren taunted as she came up behind him and ran her hands over his body. “You know you want it. Megan and I will make sure you get all you want, too. No nasty withdrawal to go through. All you have to do is keep us happy.”

Hutch cringed at the word. From the way she said it and the way her hands were moving over his body, he knew exactly what she meant. He couldn’t believe that she expected him to willingly have sex with the people who murdered his partner.

“And if I refuse?” Hutch asked, his skin crawling where she touched him.

“Oh, please!” Lauren laughed. “You gave up Jeanie for it. An innocent victim, someone you were supposed to protect. Do you really think you won’t sell yourself for a little help?”

“You killed Starsky,” Hutch tried to argue. He was terrified that she was right, that he wouldn’t be able to fight it.

“Technically Megan did that,” she replied. “And I’m not real happy about it either. I wanted to make him rape you again. The first time nearly shattered him. I figured a repeat would push him right over the edge.”

“Why don’t you just kill me?” Hutch asked. His mind was reeling. They’d planned on making Starsky rape him again. It would have destroyed him. Maybe… maybe Starsky was lucky after all.

“Because that wouldn’t be any fun, now would it?”

They were interrupted as a car pulled up outside. Picking up the shotgun, Lauren waited but it was only Megan. “How’d it go?” Lauren asked as she set the gun back down.

“Fine,” Megan said. “But I gotta change. I got some on me when I wasted him.”

“So where’d you shoot him?” Lauren asked, laughing.

“In the face,” Megan replied. “Made a mess, too. Splattered all over the place.”

“Go get changed,” Lauren said. “I’ll keep our guest company.”

As Megan walked away she called back over her shoulder, “I hope brains don’t leave a stain.”

Hutch tried not to be sick as his best friend’s murder was discussed like the weather. Shot in the face. With a shotgun. At close range. Splattered. His mind conjured up the image to go with the gruesome words and he nearly vomited.

“No, please,” he whispered as the reality sank in. Starsky was dead.

“This is for what you did to my brother,” Lauren said.

Hutch heard the crack a split second before he felt the pain. He couldn’t help but scream as a line of fire spread across his back. Turning his head, he could just make out Lauren’s arm and the whip it wielded. He braced himself when he saw the arm pull back. A moment later, he felt the whip cut into him and screamed again.

“How does it feel to know he’s dead?” Lauren taunted. “How does it feel to know you couldn’t protect him? That he died because of you? Then again, maybe you’re glad. I mean, he did rape you, after all.”

Over and over Lauren lashed him with the whip until his back was covered in bloody welts. Only when her arm grew tired did she throw the whip down and approach him. Hutch tried not to scream as she ran her hands over his mutilated back. He could feel her running her hands through his blood and almost gagged.

“That was fun,” Lauren whispered before turning her attention to Megan. “Did you get the heroin?”

“Right here,” she said.

“Get it ready for him,” Lauren instructed.

As Megan prepared the heroin for injection, Lauren continued to let her hands wander. She enjoyed the feel of his trembling body. Her brother would be pleased to know how low she had managed to bring his enemies.

Coating her hands in his blood, she brought them down to his buttocks. Hutch flinched when she pried his cheeks apart and thrust a finger roughly inside. He felt his shame and humiliation return as she touched his body against his will.

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky woke up groaning. His head felt like it had been used for a baseball and his whole face throbbed painfully. He reached up to investigate the unexpected pain and his hand came away sticky and red. Something was very wrong. Where was Hutch? Forcing himself to sit up, he spied the envelope propped up on the coffee table.

RAPIST, the envelope read.

Grabbing his gun, he jumped up from the couch and ran to Hutch’s bedroom. When he found Hutch’s Magnum but no Hutch, he searched the apartment room by room until he knew for certain Hutch wasn’t there. He looked out the window and saw Hutch’s car still parked out front. His partner hadn’t left voluntarily, that much he knew. He wouldn’t have left his gun and he wouldn’t have left Starsky alone and sleeping. Going back to the living room, Starsky sat down on the couch and picked up the envelope.

He thought about dusting for prints, but something told him he didn’t have time for that. Tearing the end off as carefully as he could, he pulled out a single sheet of paper. What he read made his breath stop.

   How does it feel to know that you are capable of something so heinous?
   How does it feel to know that you are the kind of man that would RAPE his best friend?
   How does it feel to know that by the time you read this it will already be too late?
   How does it feel to know that I have him and that when I’m finished with him he’ll be dead?
   How does it feel to lose the one person in the world you love more than any other?
   How does it feel?
   I have him.
   And you’ll never get him back.

“God damn it!” Starsky yelled as he threw the note down. She had Hutch. Whoever she was, she had taken Hutch. Well, he was just going to have to take him back.

Starsky dressed quickly and cleaned his battered and bloody face. He took the Magnum from the bedroom and put it on in place of his Beretta. His own gun, he tucked down into the back of his pants. His next stop was his place to pick up the Torino. He couldn’t outrun an old lady on a walker with Hutch’s car.

He squealed to a stop in front of Huggy’s and raced inside. If anyone could find out who might have taken Hutch and where, it was Huggy.

“Starsky, my man, what’s up?” Huggy asked. “And what happened to your face?”

“That crazy bitch has got Hutch,” Starsky explained. “Took him right out of the apartment, I think.”

“I thought you were stayin’ there?” Huggy asked, not understanding how anyone could have gotten past Starsky.

“I was,” Starsky said. “I’m pretty sure they drugged me again somehow. All I know is that bitch has Hutch and I’ve got to find him before she kills him.”

“Be cool, my man,” Huggy said, hurrying to the phone. “Let me make a few calls and see what I can turn up.”

“Hurry, Hug,” Starsky said. “I don’t think we have much time.”

Twenty minutes later and Huggy had run into a dead end. Either no one saw anything, something highly unlikely, or no one was talking. Either way, it wasn’t good news for the worried brunette at the bar.

“Nothing,” Huggy said as he turned around. “Nobody seen nothin’.”

“Keep tryin’, Huggy,” Starsky said as he headed for the door. “I gotta find him.”

“Yeah,” Huggy replied to the now empty bar. “I just hope there’s still somethin’ left to find.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Hutchinson, I brought you a little present. I thought you might like something to remember your partner by.” As she talked Megan pulled two small rings from her pocket and held them up to Hutch. Reaching up, she placed them on his little finger. “I took them off him right after I splashed his brains all over your couch.”

Hutch had to choke back a sob at the image those words conveyed. He closed his hand tightly. They wouldn’t get those rings off him without cutting off his finger. Oh, Starsk. Guess I didn’t do such a good job of looking after your life after all. I’m so sorry, buddy. But don’t worry, we’ll be together again soon.

“I’ve got some friends that are gonna love fucking you, Hutchinson,” Megan continued as she stood in front of him. Lauren remained at his back, effectively sandwiching him between them. “Big guys, who can’t wait to shove their dicks into a cop’s hot little hole.”

As she spoke, Megan reached out and grabbed his flaccid penis while Lauren once more thrust her finger inside him. She began to stroke him and Hutch shuddered at the touch. She touched and fondled him, hoping to make him hard, but he remained unresponsive to her touch.

“Get off me,” he cried out as he tried to move away from their hands, but there was nowhere to go.

“I tell ya what,” Lauren said, shoving her finger in hard. “You can choose. This or the heroin.”

“No,” Hutch said, shaking his head while he shuddered at the horrid invasion.

“Your choice,” she continued. “Now which would you rather have? Us touching you or a ride on a pretty white horse?”

“No,” Hutch said again, refusing to play along. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t.

“Either you choose or you get both,” Megan warned. “Now which is it going to be?”

Long moments passed before Hutch’s fear forced the words from his throat. “Th-th-this,” Hutch stammered in shame.

The two women laughed as they renewed their assault. Lauren shoved another finger inside him and Megan continued to try and coax a response from him. She rolled his balls and stroked his cock, but still his body refused to comply. Leaving his genitals for a bit, she moved her hands up and began to pinch his nipples. She smiled when Hutch groaned at the stimulation. Maybe they could make him cum like this after all.

“Watch this,” Lauren said. She shoved her fingers in as far as she could and stroked the small protrusion she found deep inside his body. Hutch jerked in his bonds, trying to pull away from the fingers inside him. Megan quickly pushed him back so Lauren could repeat what she’d done.

Hutch’s shame grew as his body began to respond. Megan once more began to stroke his cock while Lauren assaulted him from behind. She touched his prostate again and again until he couldn’t fight it anymore and he came, spilling his seed onto Megan’s hands and the warehouse floor.

They left him alone then. Megan wiped her hand on his body before walking away, leaving the semen as a reminder of what had happened. Hutch was too out of it to care, though. He hung in his bonds, limp and defeated, as sobs tore their way out of him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky drove aimlessly, searching for something he had no idea how to find. He’d called Dobey from the car, filling the captain in on what little he knew. Dobey assured him that he’d get every available man out looking for Hutch. Somehow, Starsky didn’t think they’d find him. No, Starsky would be the one. Whatever was being done to his partner was meant for him to see first.

He searched for hours, rousted every snitch he could find. Some, he knew, would never trust him again. Not after the way he acted. He was fury searching desperately for the one calming influence in his life. And willing to do anything to find him.

The call from dispatch startled him and he froze for a moment. Meet the man named Huggy Bear at The Pits. Says he might have news on something he’d lost. Starsky broke every speed limit there was as he raced to the bar. Hutch was running out of time.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hutch’s sobs had stopped by the time the women returned. Picking up a bucket of ocean water, Lauren splashed it over Hutch’s mangled back, ripping a shriek from the tortured man. Hutch writhed in his bonds, trying to get away from the horrible burning as the salt seeped into the raw wounds. It was all he could do to get his legs back under him as the pain began to ebb.

“Just cleaning your wounds a bit,” Lauren said. “We wouldn’t want you to get an infection, now would we?”

“Fuck you,” Hutch spat weakly. He was rewarded with a vicious kick to the groin that left him unable to stand.

“No, I think it’s more like fuck you,” Megan said sweetly. “And that’s what we’re gonna do. Fuck you over and over again. Us and anyone else we wanna let have a go at you. So I suggest you watch that smart mouth of yours.”

“Go to hell, lady. You think I want to live through this?” Hutch’s defiance made Megan smile. It would be such fun breaking this man.

“Oh, we know you don’t. And that’s why we plan on making sure you live a long, long time,” Lauren said as they turned to leave. “Let’s get the stuff unloaded. Then we can come back and give Hutch here a nice horsy ride.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Starsky found the warehouse easily enough. He spotted two cars sitting side by side in back of the building. This was definitely it. He could feel it. Parking the Torino down the street, he steeled himself for what he might find and made his way toward his goal.

The first thing he heard was the sound of Hutch pleading with someone. It was like a dagger in his heart, but at the same time it assured him that his partner was still alive. Moving cautiously, he entered the warehouse. He wouldn’t do Hutch any good if he got killed. He just hoped Huggy got through to Dobey. He had no idea how many there were and they just might need the cavalry before this was done.

As he got farther into the building, he could make out a figure on the other side of the room. A little closer and he could tell it was Hutch. His partner was tied up and naked, his hands bound over his head to a large post. Keeping his eyes peeled for Hutch’s abductor, he made his way over to his partner as quietly as he could. Whatever they had done to Hutch had been bad. He could now make out traces of blood on Hutch’s back and buttocks along with deep lacerations. The discarded whip on the floor told him all he needed to know about how they had gotten there. He didn’t want to think about how the blood could have gotten on his buttocks.

Finally, Starsky made it to his partner. His stomach clenched at the sight of him. He knew right away what the white substance on his chest was. The fuckers had forced him to orgasm. He also saw the heroin set up on the table. His heart almost stopped as the implication became clear. Not that. Please, God, not that.

“Hutch,” Starsky whispered, trying to draw his partner’s attention. “Hutch, look at me.”

“St-St-Starsky?” Hutch stammered, not believing it could be true.

“Yeah, it’s me, partner,” Starsky replied. Hutch was looking like he’d seen a ghost.

“Oh, God,” he moaned. “They told me you were dead. They said she’d shot you.”

“I ain’t dead, partner,” Starsky said quietly. He drew closer to look at the bonds holding Hutch prisoner.

“Get me out of here, Starsky. Please,” Hutch pleaded.

“I’m working on it,” Starsky replied. “Just give me a second.” He dug out his handcuff keys and released Hutch as fast as he could. He caught him before he could fall and steadied him until Hutch could stand on his own.

“We have to get out of here,” Hutch said. Neither of them were in any condition to take on two psychos armed with shotguns.

“Where are your clothes?” Starsky asked. Hutch pointed across the room and Starsky handed him his gun while he went to retrieve them. “Put these on. Huggy should have called in the troops by now.”

“Then let’s go,” Hutch said once he was dressed. He needed to get out of there.

“Hutch, they ain’t gettin’ away with this,” Starsky said. “If you can’t back me up then go wait in the Torino. But I gotta do this.”

“Well, well. Look who’s come to play,” Lauren said as she and Megan walked out of the back office.

Starsky pulled his Beretta and fired. He didn’t give a warning and he didn’t ask them to surrender. He shot. When the two women dived for cover he upended the table and grabbed Hutch, pulling the other man behind it with him.

“Guess he wasn’t as dead as we said,” Megan called out.

Starsky looked over at his partner and could see the shock setting in. “Just stay here, partner,” he said. “I’ll take care of this.” Hutch’s hand on his arm stopped him and he looked at the other man.

“Together, remember?” Hutch said shakily. He took a deep breath and cocked the Magnum. Starsky merely nodded then turned his full attention to the situation at hand.

Moving in sync, they popped up from their cover and laid down fire where the two women had hidden, pinning them down. The roar of a shotgun forced them back behind the table as the women returned fire. They were making it quite clear that no one was leaving until someone was dead. For the first time in his life, Starsky didn’t mind that at all.

The sound of cars outside alerted the men that the cavalry had finally arrived. Starsky almost cursed, a big part of him wishing he could have the pleasure of killing these two. Hutch was relieved. He knew what his partner wanted. He wanted it, too. But he was afraid of what it would do to his gentle, loving partner if he killed them.

By the time the smoke cleared, Lauren Prudholm and Megan Forest lay dead. From the position of the bodies, it was clear that Hutch had gotten Lauren while one of the other officers had taken Megan down. Either way, it didn’t matter. It was over.

Dobey tried to call an ambulance for Hutch but neither partner would go for it. Starsky assured his captain that he would take Hutch there personally then report back. Dobey decided not to push it.

At the hospital, the emergency room doctor wanted to keep Hutch, but the blond refused. His back was a mess, but only a couple of the welts required stitches. The doctor gave Hutch a prescription for antibiotics and painkillers and sent the detectives on their way.

Dobey was waiting for them when they arrived at the station. He was not looking forward to this. It was time to figure out what they were going to say and what they were going to cover up.

“What did the doctor say?” Dobey asked once they were seated.

“Wants me to take it easy for a few days,” Hutch replied. “I only needed a few stitches. The rest were superficial. Gave me a couple of prescriptions.”

“Starsky, you make sure he takes them,” Dobey ordered, well aware of Hutch’s tendency to disregard doctor’s advice.

“Yes, Sir,” Starsky replied.

“Once we’re done here, I’m putting the both of you on extended leave,” Dobey told them. “I don’t want to hear any arguments. A lot went on. You need time to get over it.”

“No argument here, Captain,” Hutch said. Starsky nodded, not speaking.

“So, what are we going to say?” Dobey asked, jumping right in.

This time Starsky did speak up. He’d been running this through his head since they left the hospital. He was not going to allow Hutch to be talked about. He didn’t care what happened to him, but he was not going to let anyone else hurt Hutch.

“That Hutch was abducted and… beaten… by two whackos out for revenge against the two of us. I found him. A gunfight ensued. The whackos in question were killed.” Starsky’s look dared anyone to protest his version of things. As far as Dobey was concerned, this was fine with him.

“I take it you know who those two were,” Dobey said.

“Yeah,” Hutch replied. “Lauren Prudholm and Megan Forest. I filled Starsky in on the way to the ER.”

“Are you sure that’s how you want it to go down?” Dobey asked, directing his question to Hutch.

“Yes, Sir,” Hutch replied. “I think Starsky’s got the right idea. There’s nothing to gain by letting all the gory details get out. It’d only end up hurting the both of us. And I’m not willing to let anyone hurt him again.”

Hutch’s soft words defrosted a little bit of the ice that had wrapped itself around Starsky’s heart. At least his partner still cared for him… worried about him. Even if he had let him down. Again.

“All right, you two, get out of here,” Dobey ordered. “I’ll need you to come in and sign an official statement, but other than that, I don’t want to see either of you. Understood?”

“Understood,” they both replied.

~~~~~~~~~~

They ended up throwing out everything edible in Hutch’s apartment. Spices… teas… if it could be ingested, it was gone. They weren’t taking any chances on anything else being drugged. Even the toothpaste and mouthwash went into the trash. By the time they were finished, they were exhausted and they dropped wearily onto the couch wishing they had some beer.

“What did they do to you?” Starsky asked when he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

In fits and starts Hutch told the story. Starsky sat listening, his rage growing when Hutch told of the choice he had been given. And the choice he’d made.

“You did the right thing,” Starsky said. “You did the only thing you could to survive. If they’d’ve drugged you we’d have never gotten out of there alive.”

“Yeah,” Hutch said. “But what kind of man does that make me that I’d rather be raped than doped?”

“The alive kind,” Starsky spat.

“But at what cost?” Hutch pressed. It was then that Starsky knew what was bothering him, what he was hunting for.

“No cost, babe,” Starsky said. “You lived through it. We both did. And maybe your dignity took a pretty good hit, but… but I still love you. It doesn’t change how I feel about you one bit.”

“I wanted to run away,” Hutch admitted.

“I remember a time when I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die,” Starsky countered. “When I was ready to blow my own brains out rather than live with what I’d done one minute more. I suppose that makes me less of man in your eyes.”

“What? No! Never,” Hutch vowed vehemently, then realized he’d been outmaneuvered.

“We’re still together, Hutch,” Starsky said. “And we’re gonna stay that way. You told me they could only take what we let them take. Well, I’m not letting them have this. This is the best, most right thing in my life and nobody’s taking it away from me.”

“I love you, Starsk,” Hutch said, blinking back the wetness in his eyes. “I know it’ll be awhile before I can show you…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Starsky said. “Just knowing you’re safe and alive and… and mine is enough. Now come on, let’s get you in bed. We’ve both been through hell and I, for one, could use some sleep.”

“All right,” Hutch said. He allowed Starsky to help him from the couch and lead him into the bedroom. Hutch even let him undress him without a word. Only when Starsky moved to leave did Hutch speak again.

“Stay,” Hutch whispered.

“Are you sure?” Starsky asked.

“I need you close.”

“Always,” came the soft promise.

Hutch signed as a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around him and held on. He laid his head on his partner’s shoulder and wrapped his own arms around Starsky’s waist. It felt like coming home.

~~~~~~~~~~

6 Months Later

“That’s the last of it,” Hutch said as he carried the box into the apartment.

In the end, Starsky couldn’t bring himself to go back to his old place. Too many painful memories that he never wanted to relive were lurking there. He had insisted on burning the bed, but had agreed to sell the couch and the rest of the furniture. Hutch had offered to get rid of some of his own stuff, but Starsky said no. Hutch’s place was home now and he didn’t want to change that.

Taking the box out of Hutch’s hands, Starsky set it aside then turned back to his partner. Pushing the door closed, he backed Hutch against it and kissed his blond. He felt Hutch start to harden against him and pulled back, smiling.

They had been lovers for a month now. Or as close to it as they could be. They slept in the same bed, kissed and cuddled, and used their hands and mouths on one another. But for all that, Starsky had yet to get an erection. Hutch was capable of it and Starsky brought his lover off with great joy, but he, himself, was still frustratingly impotent.

“What was that for?” Hutch asked.

“Just cause I love ya,” Starsky replied.

“Just cause you love me, huh?” Hutch grinned.

“Yeah,” Starsky said. “Hey, what say we leave the rest of this for now and I show ya just how much?”

“Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse,” Hutch said as he leaned forward to kiss his lover again.

They made their way to the bedroom with relative ease. They were getting pretty good at navigating the furniture without stopping their kisses. The first time they’d tried it, they had ended up in a heap on the floor laughing until their sides hurt. Now, skirting the couch and the end table was second nature.

Once in the bedroom, they collapsed on the bed. They took turns stealing each other’s breath until they were both dizzy. They parted then, flopping back on their backs to catch their breath so they could start again.

Starsky rolled over first, lying on his side to look at Hutch. This was the lover he’d spend the rest of his life with. He smiled at the thought and began to unbutton Hutch’s shirt. Just because his body wasn’t co-operating didn’t mean he couldn’t make Hutch feel good. And, truth be told, he loved it when Hutch touched him and kissed him and loved him, even if he didn’t have an orgasm.

Hutch lay on his back, content to let Starsky do what he wanted for the time being. Starsky always made him feel so good, so loved. It was a nice change. In all his past relationships, he was the one who always worked hard at making his lover feel appreciated. He wished that there was some way to break through Starsky’s self-imposed impotence, though. He knew the problem, whatever it was, was all in Starsky’s head. The doctors had assured them of that. But that didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Hutch moaned when Starsky bent his head and licked his nipple. Starsky flicked his tongue back and forth, teasing the little bud, and Hutch arched his back, trying to bring more of his flesh into contact. He closed his eyes, knowing better than to watch Starsky tonguing him. He’d never last if he watched that sweet mouth suckle his nipple. The feel of that hot mouth sucking gently at his flesh sent bolts of pleasure through his groin. The sharp nip of teeth made him hiss, but that hot agile tongue soothed the momentary sting.

Starsky nipped and sucked until Hutch’s nipple grew swollen and throbbing in his mouth. Pulling his mouth away, he quickly set to work on the other one until it, too, stood out red and aching. He loved doing this. Touching Hutch this way. His lover tasted like no lover ever had before. Strong and spicy and delicious. He could never seem to get enough.

Leaving Hutch’s chest, Starsky stopped long enough to get them both naked then began to kiss his way down Hutch’s body. He nipped here and there until he reached his lover’s naval. Once there, he drove his tongue in deeply causing Hutch to groan and grip the sheets tightly.

Starsky’s own body flushed with pleasure as he made love to his partner. He felt his own testicles tingle as he kissed his way down Hutch’s flat stomach. He nuzzled Hutch’s groin hungrily, ignoring his erection for now. He’d get to that soon enough. Right now, he wanted to breathe in the scent of his lover.

Breathing deeply through his nose, Starsky mouthed the area at the base of Hutch’s penis. He trailed his tongue down until he was licking Hutch’s scrotum. His lover shivered as Starsky ran his tongue over his balls. Hutch really loved having his balls licked. He loved it almost as much as Starsky loved doing it. Taking one of the orbs into his mouth, Starsky gently sucked. Hutch moaned out loud again and Starsky smiled around his mouthful.

“Starsk, please,” Hutch moaned, his cock throbbing and aching to be touched.

“Please what, lover?” Starsky asked, releasing his prize.

“Suck me,” Hutch said, the need evident in his voice.

“Not this time,” Starsky replied. “I want to try somethin’ different.”

“What’d you have in mind?” Hutch asked. He’d try anything Starsky wanted. Maybe they’d even find something that would excite him enough to break through his walls.

“I want you inside me,” Starsky whispered, his deep blue eyes dark with lust.

“Are you sure, Starsk?” Hutch’s cock throbbed at the very thought of sheathing itself in his partner’s body. They’d talked about this act before, but neither man had been in any hurry. And Starsky was still physically incapable of it.

“I’m sure.” And he was. He wanted nothing more than to feel Hutch inside him, moving and thrusting and loving him so good.

“I love you, Starsk,” Hutch said, reaching down and pulling his lover up over him.

“I love you, too, Blintz,” Starsky replied.

“We’ll need something,” Hutch said, kissing him passionately, grinding their bodies together, both of them ignoring Starsky’s lack of arousal.

“There’s oil in the nightstand.” Starsky ground back against him, loving the feel of Hutch’s strong, hard body against him. They kissed again and then Hutch was rolling him onto his side, then turning back to fumble in the nightstand.

Hutch found the small bottle of oil and turned back to his partner. Starsky was lying on his back, one arm under his head and the other lazily stroking his penis. Coating his hand with oil, Hutch pushed his partner’s hand away and replaced it with his own.

Starsky groaned at the feel of Hutch’s slick hand on his penis. His balls tightened as Hutch stroked him. Hutch’s hands always felt so good. Reluctantly, Hutch’s hand left him to gently nudge his legs apart. Starsky readily complied, eager to give himself to this man.

Hutch’s own cock twitched when Starsky spread his legs as far apart as he could. Slipping his hand underneath, Hutch quickly found what he was looking for. Tenderly he circled the opening to his partner’s body until Starsky was pushing down trying to get him inside. Slowly, Hutch granted his request and slipped his oil-slick finger inside.

Starsky groaned at the feel of that long, blunt finger piercing his body. Reaching down, he began to stroke his cock again as Hutch thrust his finger in and out. He could feel his partner’s finger inside him, reaching as deep as possible only to pull back and do it again. And for the first time in six months, Starsky felt his body start to respond.

When Starsky’s body relaxed, Hutch added a second finger to the first. He thrust them in slowly, scissoring them to stretch his lover. Starsky’s near constant moaning was wreaking havoc on his self-control and Hutch fought not to rush.

Starsky’s cock stiffened even more when Hutch added a second finger. He couldn’t stop the sounds from escaping as his partner played his body. Those fine musician’s hands stroking and rubbing and caressing as if he were the finest of instruments. Finally his body allowed his arousal to show as he submitted to his partner. This was what had been missing. This giving of himself. This giving the very thing he had taken so violently from Hutch.

As a third finger entered him, Starsky cried out loudly, his entire body shuddering. Hutch looked up and saw the hard cock in Starsky’s hand and was lost. He sank his fingers in deeply, careful not to cause pain, and stretched his lover.

At last, Hutch withdrew his hand. He knew if he waited any longer he’d end up coming on the sheets. He certainly didn’t want to do that. Not with Starsky hard and aching for him. Pouring more oil into his hand, Hutch spread it over his cock. The feel of his own slick hand was almost enough to set him off and he forced himself to take several deep breaths as he urged his lover over onto his hands and knees.

Starsky complied quickly, eager for the joining. He took his hand away from his cock, not wanting to come too soon. Crossing his forearms, he laid his head down and thrust his ass in the air. A moment later, he felt slick hands pulling him back and then the head of Hutch’s penis was pressing into him.

“Oh God, Hutch, yes,” Starsky groaned as his lover sank into him for the first time.

“Yessss…” Hutch moaned as the head of his cock slid past the tight ring of muscle. Even after the stretching, Starsky was still virgin tight and Hutch had to still himself to give his lover time to adjust. Soon, though, Starsky was pushing back, begging for more and Hutch was only too happy to oblige. Taking hold of Starsky’s hips, Hutch pushed forward, impaling his lover fully.

“I can feel you,” Starsky said. “I can feel you inside me.”

Hutch held still again until, once more, Starsky began to move. Pulling back slowly, he thrust forward pulling a groan from his lover. In no time, Hutch managed to set a rhythm and both men moved with it. When he got close, Hutch reached around and grasped his lover’s shaft. He could have wept at the feel of that silky hardness in his hand. He had begun to despair of ever knowing the feel of Starsky’s sex.

“So close, Hutch,” Starsky murmured. “So close. Feels so good. Don’t stop.”

“Won’t,” Hutch managed, quickening the pace of both his hand and his body.

Starsky was in heaven. They were making love. Finally. Completely. Hutch was loving him so good. His cock was so hard he thought it would burst and Hutch’s hand felt wonderful. Nothing had ever felt like this before. Nothing had ever been this right.

When Hutch stiffened and came, spilling his seed deep inside Starsky’s body, it was enough to push him over the edge as well. With his lover’s name on his lips, Starsky came, offering up his essence to the bedding beneath him.

As reality returned, Hutch found himself draped over his lover, panting hard. Starsky was holding them both up, though Hutch had no idea how he was managing it. Weakly, he pulled his spent cock from Starsky’s body then collapsed beside him. When Starsky still didn’t move, Hutch gave him a gentle shove and toppled him onto his side.

“I am so wasted,” Starsky mumbled as he scooted closer, doing his best to avoid the wet spot.

“I think the top of my head came off.” Hutch moved closer, too, until Starsky was laying half on top of him again. He covered the damp spots on the sheet with his own body, more than willing to spare his lover the discomfort.

“That… that… I don’t have the words,” Starsky said.

“Me neither,” Hutch responded softly.

“I came,” Starsky said, feeling an absurd need to state the obvious.

“I noticed.” Hutch smiled and pulled him closer. Maybe now the last of the healing could begin.