Every Little Kiss

This story was published in the 2002 zine, Leave a Light on For Me, published by Lucy.

He couldn’t ever remember being this exhausted. The past week had wrung every bit of energy out of him and he’d had to reach deep into his reserves. He was at the end of his stamina but it had all been worth it. He couldn’t remember being this tired but he also couldn’t remember the last time he had been this proud. This was the final hurdle he had to clear before being allowed back on the force full time, and he was one day away from completing it.

The place was worse than the academy. He swore it hadn’t been this tough when they went through, but it wasn’t anywhere as bad as army boot camp had been. Of course in the academy he’d had all the classroom work to deal with along with the physical challenges, but he’d also had Hutch to help him study. In the military, at least at the beginning, he’d only had himself, but he’d also possessed the energy and the unbreakable idealism of an 18 year old. At least the instructors here weren’t as sadistic and the exercises weren’t as hellacious. And it was almost over.

It was a transitional boot camp. The police cadets enrolled were halfway through their time at the academy and had passed a similar camp when they first signed up. They would have to survive a third at the end before they graduated and started on the force. The camp was also occasionally used as a discipline tactic for officers on probation trying to get back to full status and for those in Starsky’s position who had to re-qualify to prove they were physically capable of going back to regular duty. Starsky had been given no breaks due to his condition or in deference to his experience and rank, nor had he expected or demanded any. He wanted and needed to pass this on his own. The reward at the end of the camp would be among the most important pieces of paper he would earn.

The others were his army discharge papers that freed him from that particular hell, which he’d left with the confidence and the hunger to become a police officer, and his academy graduation certificate, which meant that he’d made it as a cop. Earning a certificate now, declaring the successful completion of SMPD boot camp would get him back out on the streets with his partner and back to his former life where he belonged.

The reason it would say Santa Maria and not Los Angeles next to his name was because the LAPD’s next session wasn’t scheduled until the current crop of recruits would be ready to graduate the academy and that wasn’t for another three months. Starsky had had no intention of waiting that long, not after being out for over a year and not after they’d worked so hard to get him this far. Dobey had helped by pulling enough strings to get him into another department’s camp, but they couldn’t find a string long enough to get him out of it entirely. The review board had been insistent that Starsky prove he was completely physically recovered by passing the new recruits training camp and also decreed that he had to do it without his partner, although Hutch had volunteered to take it with him. They were apparently afraid that Hutch would try to carry his partner through it. In fact, that belief was the exact opposite of the truth. As hard as it was to stand back and let go and simply watch, Starsky was well aware that Hutch had long since reached the point where Starsky had to pass or fail on his own. This was true for both their sakes as ultimately both their lives depended on it. As a result, Hutch was back home at work while Starsky was slogging through on his own.

Originally he had been scheduled to go down to San Diego, which was less than two hours away and a plausible daily commute. However, their department’s recruitment drive had been so successful that he’d been bumped and had wound up in Santa Maria, which was over three hours away. There were only 30 total recruits in that class, all of whom were paired up with their potential partners, as the camp was designed to throw two people together and see what would happen. Unless it was a complete disaster, the pairs made there would carry over to the street. It made Starsky the odd man out, but everyone knew better than to try to partner him with anyone else, even for a week.

The required uniform didn’t bother him at all; he had once been used to wearing fatigues and at least the outfit was comfortable. The discipline didn’t annoy as much as he had expected. A large part of that was knowing that it was temporary and again, his experience helped. There wasn’t much a 40 year old sergeant could do to faze someone who’d seen a tour of duty in Vietnam and who was a 10 year veteran of the LAPD. And Starsky had to admit there was a certain thrill in the knowledge that he could keep up with these kids who were a good 10 or 15 years younger.

There were a few advantages. Since he was the only solo participant, Starsky had his own room in the barracks they were housed in and was the only one with unlimited telephone privileges. Not that there had been much time to exercise either but it was nice to have the option. He was also exempt from the teamwork exercises, as his time with Hutch was more than enough proof that he understood that particular concept. However, the tradeoff was that the instructor used their partnership as an example and had him relate some stories of their time together.

He had arrived early Sunday evening and the camp started at the crack of dawn on Monday morning. The hours were long, 6am to 9pm. He’d been going almost non-stop for what, four days now? It was – he was so tired he had to think about it – Thursday. Yeah, it had to be Thursday. He’d barely had a chance to talk to Hutch all week; he’d called and reported his safe arrival on Sunday, and during a 10 minute break he’d gotten lucky and caught Hutch at home before his partner left for his shift on Tuesday, and that had been it.

He looked at the clock; it was five minutes after ten and he really was wiped out. He thought about calling Hutch but knew from their quick conversation the other day that in all likelihood his partner was probably either not home yet or if he was, he would probably be as tired as Starsky and sound asleep. Since he was partnerless and technically available, he’d been co-opted by Vice and was working some strange hours.

Starsky missed Hutch terribly. He knew he had it bad even before he left; one look at his partner could still make his heart jump. He’d been away less than a week and he’d been homesick the first night. The loneliness was worse at night when he was alone and had the chance to reflect. During the day they kept him so busy that he didn’t have time to think about it as much, although he’d catch himself at times turning by instinct to look for Hutch to ask him a question or make a comment on the age of the cadets and how old he felt or to complain about something. It really wasn’t any fun complaining when no one was around to listen – and Hutch simply wasn’t there. It was downright weird. It wasn’t really sad, not like the times when he’d been without Hutch and didn’t know where he was and he was scared for his friend, but it just didn’t feel right either. One more day. It had turned into a mantra that helped him get through. One more day.

If he wasn’t so exhausted at night he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. He’d been counting down each night as he fell asleep, six nights, five, four…Yesterday had been Wednesday, the middle of the week, and he’d realized that he’d made it halfway through and there was less time remaining than had already passed. That simple fact made the waiting easier.

They had been lovers since before the shooting and had slept in the same bed together every night they possibly could. He had it bad in this respect also. After almost two years together he just couldn’t sleep well without Hutch’s warm body curled up next to him. He suspected, he hoped, that he had the same effect on Hutch.

He debated as he took a quick shower and decided that he really wanted to hear Hutch’s voice, even if it was only for a few minutes. Pulling on a pair of shorts he got settled on the bed. Just as he was reaching for the phone, it rang.

He smiled, knowing that there was only one person who’d be calling him this late. The smile reached his voice as he answered.

“Hi, Blintz.”

“Hey, Starsk.” There was no surprise in Hutch’s tone at the greeting, but the smile that must have been on his face reached his voice as well.

“I was literally just about to call you.”

“Sorry it’s so late,” Hutch said, not sounding at all apologetic. “I just got home and I wanted to hear your voice.”

“Mushball.”

“And you were calling me because?”

“Same reason.”

“Mushball.” They both laughed, the sound of each other’s voice easing the loneliness of the long week.

“So how’s it going?” Hutch asked. “You keeping up okay?” Starsky could hear him try to keep his tone light but the undercurrent of concern was there and Starsky heard it. With a soft smile, Starsky wrapped himself in it like a blanket. Starsky knew Hutch had complete faith in him, but this was the first outside test he’d faced in his recovery and the first one he’d faced without Hutch being there to back him up.

“I’m doing fine, Blintz, you can stop worrying now. I think I’m through the worst of it and although everyone here is at least a decade younger, I’ve kept up. Even beat them all in the sprints this morning.”

“So how bad is it?”

“Honestly, I’m tired and I ache some, but it could be a lot worse. Nothing torn, nothing broken, I just feel like I’ve been run hard. But I’ve kept up with all of it, Hutch, I really have. I’m almost having flashbacks to when I was drafted, lots of push-ups and chin-ups and sit-ups, miles and miles of running. You’d probably love that part. Some weight work, some climbing. Stop worrying, Hutch, I can feel you tensing up over the phone. I’m not lying to you, I’m exhausted but I’m fine. Really. It’s a good tired. I’m gonna pass this damn thing and get back out there with you where I belong.”

“I never had any doubt. But don’t you have to get up in the morning?”

“Not too early. There’s some trust exercise at seven but they know I’ve got that all figured out so I don’t have to be there for that. Remember those?”

“Yeah, I remember you threatening to drop me.”

“Never did though.”

“Good thing for you that you didn’t, but if you ever dip me again…”

“Yeah, you and what army?” Starsky threatened playfully. “Anyway, there’s a marksmanship final at 8:30, that’s the first thing on my schedule tomorrow. And it’s only a little after 11:00 now, anyway.”

“And that’s your idea of not too early? This from a man who complains if I make him get up to go camping?”

“Compared to 6am, which is what our call time’s been all week, that is sleeping late. And it’s not so much the early part as it’s the camping part, the bugs and the bears and all that nature stuff.” It was too hard to resist needling his partner so he didn’t even try.

“Just wait until it’s my turn to plan our next vacation.”

“At any rate …”

“Nice change of subject there, Starsk,” Hutch interrupted.

“Years of practice. Here’s another one: How’s life over in Vice?”

“Don’t ask,” Hutch groaned. “You know, if we’d been assigned there in the first place, I think I would have gone crazy years ago.”

“You were crazy to start with. Who would’ve noticed?”

“Takes one to know one. I think we’re almost done, although this can’t end soon enough for me. ” The department was running a sting over on the west side. It was a shady but not particularly dangerous part of town, which made it a little easier for Starsky to leave his partner behind when Hutch had told him about it.. “We’re still set up right off the highway exit, where the neighborhood’s meet and we’re catching a lot of johns coming through the area. I’m just not convinced that it’s making any kind of a difference. The good part is that it’s just a trial project and we get to wrap it up tomorrow. I’m hoping to be long gone and back to Homicide where I belong before they decide to make it permanent.”

“That’s the plan. So what, they figure go after the guys instead of the girls?”

“Yep, I guess the idea is that if they know they’re going to get caught, they’ll stop coming and the prostitution trade will shut down. It’s not going to work, we all know that. They’ll just move to a different area. But since the neighborhood on the one side has a fair amount of money and can make some noise, we get sent out. And it’s part of the mayor’s revitalization initiative. Must be the current name for the squeaky-wheel.”

“And it’s an election year, don’t forget that.”

“How can I? I’m convinced that’s the only reason we’re out there, to make all the politicians look tough on crime. You can guess who’s not getting my vote,” Hutch finished dryly.

All in all, Starsky would almost rather be where he was than spending the week doing what Hutch was doing. Actually he’d rather be out on the streets with Hutch cruising their old beat. With any luck they’d be back to doing exactly that next week. It was hard to imagine that after over a year of being out of action, they were now counting down a mere matter of days until their probable return. For so long, although no one would say it out loud around him, it had been if they made it back rather then when and there was no time limit – just the hope and the goal.

“Well, I’ll be homeward bound soon and I can come and rescue you from this fate worse than death.”

“Homeward bound, I wish I was…” Hutch started to sing and Starsky joined him.

“Homeward bound,”

“Home where my thought’s escaping,”

“Home where my music’s playing,”

“Home where my love lies waiting”

“Silently for me. “

“Not so silently,” Starsky remarked and was rewarded with a laugh from Hutch. “But I’m glad you’re there waiting.”

“Me too,” replied Hutch, his voice taking on that tone of gratitude that always gave Starsky a lump in his throat.

“Did I hear you singing harmony in there?” Starsky inquired.

“Yeah, thought I’d try something different from the way we’ve sung that one before.”

“Not bad. Maybe we should take this act on the road.”

There was a pause of about a second and then in stereo both said, “Nahhh.”

“Did the Dodgers play today?” Starsky asked.

“Yeah, we beat the Astros 4-3. I’m not sure who was pitching, might have been Fernando or Sutcliffe.”

“Cool, maybe we might make the playoffs this year. Hey, when’s the last time we actually went to a game?”

“It must have been sometime last summer, wasn’t it late August?”

“If not before. We outta go to one this year. Put that on the list.”

“What list? You never mentioned a list before?” Hutch asked, obviously confused.

“The list of things that we want to do, now that I’m up to it and since we might have some free time to spend together now that I’m better.”

“Okay, so what else is on this list of …. what’s that noise?” Hutch stopped in mid-sentence.

“What’s what?” came the somewhat muffled reply.

“Is that static…. Starsk, what are you eating?”

“Pretzels.” Starsky swallowed and then said more clearly, “Sorry, I got hungry. How long we been on the phone anyway?”

“It’s almost one. What’s that, about two and a half hours? Didn’t they feed you dinner?”

“Yeah, but that was ages ago and it depends on what your definition of dinner is. I’m not certain the food qualified as edible although it was definitely dead.”

“Poor baby. Hey, now that you mention it, I’m thirsty. Hold on a sec.” Starsky could hear the sounds of Hutch putting the phone down and took advantage of the break to scarf down a few more pretzels.

“I’m back,” Hutch announced between swigs.

“Whatdya get?”

“A nice, cold beer. You want one?”

“Yeah, I wish. Send me one through the phone. You know, I’d be home now if I coulda done this in L.A. like I was supposed to. Or I probably could have snuck home for a night if I’d gotten into the one in San Diego.” Starsky sounded frustrated and not more than a little sad.

“Yeah, but it’s June now and it’d be September already if you’d waited for ours and from what you said, you wouldn’t have had time to get home from San Diego, not with the hours they’ve got you working,” Hutch said reassuringly. “I thought you wanted to get this over with.”

“I did and I do. I just want to be home already, know what I mean?”

“I’m not exactly used to sleeping by myself either anymore, buddy.” The admission made Starsky smile. He’d thought he wasn’t the only one having trouble adjusting to an empty bed and it was nice to hear his suspicions confirmed. “It’s not too much longer though, love. What have I been telling you?”

In the monotone of words worn smooth with repetition, Starsky gave the expected answer, “We get there when we get there .” But with enthusiasm he continued, “But ya know what, Hutch? I think we’re almost there.”

Early on in his recovery Starsky had set a few deadlines for himself of tasks that he wanted to accomplish in a certain period of time, such as being able to walk on his own, being able to lift objects and so on. It had been a major psychological setback when he missed his first goals and it had only increased his level of frustration and deepened his depression. Seeing the effect on his friend, Hutch had forced him to stop and take a few steps back. He sat him down and told him to pick a goal and work toward it, that he could even set a few and work toward them, but that he was no longer allowed to set any deadlines. “We get there when we get there, Starsk. You got through the most important part, you’re alive. The rest will come, I promise.” “We get there when we get there” had quickly become one of their mantras and it had worked, although Starsky claimed he that was sick of hearing it. Hutch had patiently pointed out that at least he was alive to be annoyed and Starsky had to agree with that statement.

“Yeah, you are almost there Starsk, and you have no idea how proud I am of you.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you, and you know it, so don’t get all modest on me.” Both were lost in their thoughts for a few minutes, but it was a companionable silence.

Starsky broke it by asking, “Hey, Hutch, are you sure you want to do this? We can leave now if you’ve had enough. We’ve done our time and we’ve made our difference, I believe that. It’s enough for me to know I could do it. I’m gonna pass this damn thing and get the certificate, but I’m not going out there without you, and I don’t want to drag you along if you don’t want to go.”

“We talked about this already, Starsk, several times,” Hutch said matter of factly.

“Yes, and we’re going to talk about it again.” In a softer voice he continued, “I just want to make sure you’re sure. I know none of this has been easy on you … and most importantly I love you. I want you to do what’s going to make you happy.”

“Oh Starsk.” Hutch’s voice softened again.

It didn’t matter how many times Starsky professed his love to his partner; Hutch still acted like it was a new and precious gift that still touched his heart each time. It would always be special, just like what they had would always be special.

“I don’t want to do what I’m doing now with Vice, trust me, but you know what’s strange… I’ve actually missed being out there…”

“It gets in your blood,” Starsky finished for him.

“That it does. I don’t think I ever realized how much a part of me it is, not even after we left and felt like we had to come back. After that it seemed like being caught up in the same shit all over again, but this time around, … its been enough time, if that makes any sense. I’ve had long enough to think about it, and I really do miss it. But it does… becomes a part of you, kinda like you are a part of me.”

“I get into more than just your blood, babe, but I know exactly what you mean.”

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is what makes me happy, being with you, being your lover, and being your partner. I feel like I’ve really got it all for the first time in my life.”

“I’m glad, Hutch, I really am.” And he was, glad that his partner had finally shaken off the melancholy that had covered him the year before last and glad that he was a part of what made his partner’s world so good.

“Do you want out?,” Hutch asked in an attempt to steer the conversation back to Starsky’s original question.

“What you said applies to me too, I won’t go out there without you.”

“No. No, I don’t want to leave.” Starsky was quick to remove any doubt. “Not yet. I feel like I’ve really gotten back into it, everything seems almost new again. Even this week has been worth it, like a final jump start or something. They really pushed me to the limit, but I’ve still got it. We’ve accomplished a lot over the years, and I’m really proud of that, but I just have this feeling that we aren’t quite done yet.”

“It still scares me a little, mostly the idea of what could happen to you. But I think you have to be a little scared, or you get complacent, you know what I mean? ”

“I know exactly what you mean. The thought of anything happening to you scares the hell out of me too, Hutch. You’re my life. But this is such a big part of who we are, who we are individually and who we are together.”

“I can’t see us doing anything else either, Starsk. God knows I’ve thought about it more times than I can count over the past year. We would have found something together if we had to, if, you know…”

After all this time you still can’t say it out loud, still can’t admit that there had been a chance that I wouldn’t have recovered fully. But he didn’t have to finish the thought. As always in the important things, Starsky knew exactly where he was going. “I know,” Starsky whispered.

It wasn’t as if they never spent hours talking, they just usually didn’t do it over the phone. They were used to being in the same place at the same time, in the car or one of their apartments or at Huggy’s or another restaurant. Discussions about everything and anything that wandered from one subject to another and back again, picking up threads of conversation over hours or days or years, were commonplace for them. In some ways it was a wonder that after over 10 years together they hadn’t run out of things to talk about. It was one of the advantages of being such opposites. It was also one of the benefits of being such close friends.

“What time you got?” Hutch asked casually.

“Twenty after two. Damn, doesn’t seem like we’ve been on the phone that long. Why, you got a hot date?”

“No, just you, but you’ll do. Just checking.”

“You’re gonna have one hell of a phone bill, Blintz. I’ll split it with ya.”

“Thanks. It’s worth it though. You would think that with all the time we’ve spent on top of each other these past months that I’d appreciate the space, but I really miss you. I keep expecting you to be there, you know? Besides, it being on my phone bill is a lot easier than trying to explain it on your end.”

“True. And I miss you, too.”

“I’m really glad we aren’t doing this for real.”

“We are real, Hutch, or did I just dream up this whole thing between us.”

“If you did, you’ve got a very vivid imagination. No silly, the long distance relationship thing. I’m glad we’re not really doing that. I know some couples who do it because they have to, because it’s the only way they can get jobs or because one’s in the military. I’d take it if it was the only way I could have you, but it would hurt a whole lot being that far away.”

“I knew someone who actually did it, she was west coast and he lived back east. They made it about two years but I don’t know if the distance was what killed it. I do know that she spent a lot of time crying in airports and they racked up a hell of a phone bill every month. They had one of those relationships where when it was good it was really good and when it was bad it was horrible.”

“I wonder how they met in the first place?”

“In the middle, some medical convention in Chicago, I think.”

“I’m glad Anna and I never tried it but I think it would have died a natural death in a lot less than two years.”

“Like you said, I’m glad it’s not real, but even temporary long distance sucks. Did I tell you I missed you?” Starsky asked, sounding wistful.

“Only about a dozen times and only about as much I miss you.”

“God, we’re getting sappy.”

“Want me to stop?” Hutch asked.

“Don’t you dare, I’m just starting to get used to it.”

“Good.”

“Hey, hold on a second. I gotta pee, okay?” Starsky asked.

“Me, too,” Hutch replied and Starsky heard him lay the receiver down.

It felt good to stretch after being on the phone for so long. Starsky felt like he was back in high school, talking to a girl he wasn’t supposed to be talking to long after everyone else in the house was asleep. But this was much more fun.

They both picked up the phones again at almost the same time. “I’m back,” Starsky informed him.

“What took you so long? I forget where we were.”

“We’ve been rambling all night, Hutch, take your pick of subject. How’s the greenhouse?”

“One of my plants died the other day.”

“Fred?”, Starsky asked hopefully.

“No, not Fred. He’s alive and well and waiting for you to come home.”

“Damn!”

“Starsky!!”

“Sorry, but that plant’s got it in for me and you know it.”

Fred was a big sentry palm. Most but not all of Hutch’s plants lived in the greenhouse and a few were arranged around the house. Fred lived in the kitchen. There was something about the light and the space in there that made him happy. The fact that Fred lived in the kitchen, however, did not make Starsky happy. Every time he went near it, the large green leaves of the plant seemed to reach out and attack him. However, it never seemed to bother Hutch and so of course he left Fred right next to the refrigerator just to annoy his partner. Sometimes Starsky thought Hutch spent time at night plotting with the plant and teaching Fred the best ways to trip him up. Starsky’s troubles with the palm tree were an endless source of amusement for the plant’s owner.

“No, it was Agnes.”

“That the one you lost?”

“Yeah.”

“Which one was that?”

“She was a heartleaf philodendron. I just got her a few months ago, from that new place next to the hardware store. I think she must have been infected with something, but I never could figure out what.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad whatever she had didn’t spread to any of the other plants. I might try and get another one next time I’m out that way. Oh, I meant to tell you. They finally cleaned up the park over there. I noticed it the other day. Got rid of the trash and fixed the basketball hoop. ”

“We oughta put that on the list, too. When’s the last time I beat you at basketball?”

“What list? And I seem to remember wiping the court with you a few times over the years. You’re on, just name a time, big guy.”

“Weren’t you paying attention? The list of stuff we’re gonna do sometime soon. I really want to spend time with my best friend. We haven’t had much time to just go and hang out lately and it was one of the things that I thought about a lot when I was lying in the hospital. I want to make sure we stay friends too, Hutch. That’s real important to me.”

“Same here, Starsk. I couldn’t live without you as my friend any easier then I could live without you as my lover. But this counts as hanging out. I’ve missed having time just to talk with you, so add that to your magic list. But next time, I vote we do it in person. ”

The conversation flowed through the hours and although they were hundreds of miles apart, they passed the night together and somehow the sound of the other’s voice over the line made it seem like they were right next door. There were some companionable silences along the way, occurring more often as the night wore on and the participants became even more tired. Until Starsky started a line of questioning that soon had both of them wide awake.

“So Hutch,” Starsky asked in his most suggestive voice. “What are you wearing?”

“You’re 37 years old and that’s the best pickup line you can come up with? I thought I taught you better than that,” Hutch said kiddingly before deigning to answer the question. “Jeans, why?”

“And?”

“That’s it, just a nice comfortable old pair of jeans.”

“Where are you?”

“What, so now you decide to play twenty questions? On the couch. Why?” Hutch asked, still teasing.

“So you’re sitting there half naked, talking to me on the phone. Why are you half naked?” Starsky teased back.

“It was hot when I got home and I… This is a stupid conversation, Starsky,” Hutch stopped.

“No it isn’t, just you wait.” Starsky let his voice continue to all but purr, knowing he’d piqued his partner’s curiosity.

“So what are you wearing?” Hutch asked.

“My red shorts.” The ones you love.

“And?”

“That’s it,” Starsky answered, knowing the only thing Hutch liked better than Starsky in those red shorts, was Starsky out of them.

“So you’re sitting there talking to me while you’re half naked and you’re complaining that I’m doing the same thing.”

“Actually, I’m laying here talking to you while I’m half naked and it was hot out here too and who says I was complaining.”

“So it was hot, that’s your excuse?” Hutch responded.

“Not as hot as it’s gonna be, lover.” Oh, this is getting to be fun.

“What are you…? Oh no, Starsky, we are not doing that,” he protested but sounded only half serious.

“Oh, why the hell not? You ever had phone sex before?”

“No,” he admitted with a short laugh. “You?”

“Nope. See, there’s something else we can do for the first time together. I know you, Hutchinson, you’re half hard and blushing bright red and horny as hell and starting to get curious. And you’re gonna let me talk you into this, not that you need that much persuading. Am I right?”

“And what would I be curious about?” Hutch asked, his voice husky enough to give confirmation to Starsky that Hutch was indeed half hard and blushing bright red and horny as hell and more than slightly curious.

Don’t give in too easily, partner. That wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun as making me work for it.

“How I’m gonna get you off over the phone.”

“Okay, hotshot, this I’d love to see. You’re going to make me come without touching me?”

“That’s the whole idea. Come , trust me, okay? Close your eyes.”

“Okay, Starsk, they’re closed. I’m all yours.”

“You better believe you’re all mine.” Starsky never missed a chance to stake his claim and Hutch never complained. Of course, he did have his own possessive streak. “You’re still on the couch, right? Imagine I’m sitting on the floor next to you. I’m close enough to touch you, close enough to reach up and run my hands over your bare chest. Close enough to reach up and kiss you. I can feel your nipples getting hard and my fingers stop and play with them. I’m going to take my time, just the way you like it, until you can’t stand it any more. I wanna make you beg for me. I reach down and feel your cock through your jeans. I can feel you getting aroused and I can tell that you can’t wait for me to touch you there. I slowly unzip you and reach down to stroke you. I love how you feel, you fit in my hand almost perfectly. Gotta get you out of these clothes, I love to look at you naked and hard and waiting for me.” With those words Starsky set out to seduce his partner, and found that it was working on himself as well. Unable to resist he cupped his erection through the fabric. After a few minutes of touching himself that way he couldn’t resist any longer and he reached into his shorts.

“So how’m I doing? Had enough?”

“You stop now and you’re not getting any for a month,” Hutch growled.

“I move up to my knees and lean over the couch, lean over and rest my weight on you, can feel your body underneath me, feel how hard and lean you are. I kiss your lips, long and deep, and move down your chest, nice and slow, slow enough to drive you crazy. Down to suck your nipples and then I keep going, keep tasting every part of you I can reach. I can’t wait any longer and I take your cock in my mouth. God, Hutch, you’re so hard and I love the way you taste. Put my mouth right over the tip and run my tongue around, just the way you like it.

Deeper and deeper, one inch at a time until you’re all the way in. I can feel you start to move, I can feel you fucking my mouth and I can feel you getting wilder and wilder.”

“Oh God, Starsky, I’m gonna come.” Hutch sounded so far gone in the feeling that he could barely get the words out and Starsky loved knowing that he could drive his partner crazy with just his voice.

“So’m I, and you know what I’m thinking about?” He too, was caught up in the sensations and almost at a loss for words himself, but he was determined to finish out his fantasy and bring Hutch with him. “I’m seeing you sprawled out on the couch with your eyes closed and your head thrown back, stroking yourself and you’re so hard and hot. And you’ve got that sweet look on your face that you always get right before you, ohhhhHHH….” Starsky trailed off as he came, unable to hold out any longer.

It was Starsky’s own image of Hutch in a similar pose that brought him over the edge a few seconds later. When he caught his breath, Starsky managed to say proudly, “That didn’t take long. I’m more talented than I thought.”

Hutch laughed, “That and the fact that you left Sunday morning and it’s not as if I’m sleeping with anyone else.”

“I should hope not. You mean you haven’t, you know…” It was ironic after the fantasy he’d just described but Starsky still couldn’t say the word masturbate. Luckily for him, Hutch was too wiped out from his orgasm to have any energy left for teasing him about it.

“And when have I had time? I don’t like playing solitaire that much anyway, not when I’ve got you to play with.”

“Just as long as I’m your favorite toy. Hey, hang on a sec.” For the second time that night, Starsky put down the phone and quickly cleaned himself.

“Hi sweetheart,” Starsky said as he picked up the phone again.

“Hey love,” Hutch answered back. “Did you know that your accent’s getting thicker? Your voice always seems to get heavier when it’s late and you always get quieter when you tell me you love me. And I love that because I know that I’m the only one who gets to hear it.”

“Your voice is getting softer too. I love how it gets like that, all sexy and soft and sweet.” Starsky couldn’t quite stifle the yawn that escaped his mouth, causing Hutch to ask gently, “Am I that boring? Love, you have to get some rest for tomorrow.”

“I know we’ve been at this for hours and this is gonna sound really stupid, Hutch, but I don’t wanna hang up.”

“You’re not the only one, but we really have to get some sleep sometime before the sun rises.”

Starsky knew that he couldn’t say the word goodbye tonight. They rarely said it to each other anyway; in their line of work it was just too final and too much like tempting fate. It was always see you later. But later wasn’t for another two days.

Starsky forced himself to roll over and look at the clock on the nightstand.

“Oh shit.”

“What does that translate to in the real world?”

“4:27am.”

“Oh shit.”

“Exactly.”

“Did I mention that we really have to get some sleep? How long have we been at this, anyway?”

“Trust me Hutch, don’t ask, you don’t wanna know.”

“The next couple of days are going to be a real bitch without you.” Hutch couldn’t help but let some of the lonesomeness he was feeling creep into his voice.

“Actually… I was planning on surprising you but you sound so sad… I’ll be home tomorrow, love, tonight actually, come to think of it. So this is your last night alone in the house.”

“Oh my God, Starsky, that’s wonderful. How in the world did you pull that off?” Hutch couldn’t contain the joy that crept into his voice at the knowledge that his partner would be back very soon, nor did he try.

“We’re actually ahead of schedule, believe it or not” And then I’ll be coming home. One week is entirely too long to be apart, and I don’t care how strong this particular addiction is. Hutch’d be getting his fix again from me very soon.

“There’s one more run of that damn obstacle course tomorrow afternoon and that shooting final I told you about, which I can do with my eyes closed.”

“I know you could.”

“I might try it just for the … kidding, Hutch. I know better than to play with loaded guns,” he finished quickly before his partner could object. “There was supposed to be a makeup session for the guys who weren’t doing so well, but the lowest ranking team dropped out and everyone else managed to keep up. I almost feel sorry for them but mostly it’s for the best. It would be kinda scary if they only barely managed to pass, know what I mean?”

“I have a feeling some of the guys I’m working with now probably only barely managed to pass, so I know exactly what you mean. But what about graduation? I thought that was Saturday afternoon.”

“It is. But I talked the Sarge into cutting me loose. He said it was okay as long as I passed everything else and I’m going to. There’s no reason to hang around if I don’t want to and since I’ve got you to hurry home to, I’d rather cut out early. Oh, they made some noises about my being a good example but nobody’s paying attention at this point. These kids are just like we were, dying to get through the training and get out there and do something and they want to do it now.”

“What do you mean they? It sounds like you’ve got the same attitude there, buddy.”

“I guess I do have something in common with these youngsters then?”

“You know you do. Your energy and spirit have always amazed me, especially after the shooting. You never gave up on yourself and you know I’m proud of you for it. But, Starsk, I

want you home, you know that, but you earned that graduation ceremony. I wish I could get there. I was hoping to be able to surprise you on Saturday, but I just couldn’t pull it off.”

“I’m not surprised, not after all that time you took to take care of me. You do realize that neither of us can technically get sick ever again.”

“Oh, we can get sick, we just can’t call out anymore.”

“Don’t remind me. But it’s okay, Hutch, I appreciate the thought but I already got to the graduation thing once with you and that was enough. I’m proud of this and it means a lot but it’s not quite the same as the first time around. We can celebrate when I get home. How about just us tomorrow night and we’ll get the whole gang for a big blowout Saturday or Sunday?”

“As long our celebration includes you actually doing the things you were teasing me with tonight. I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“Oh, I’m just full of surprises. But yeah, you can count on it. That was the whole idea, get you all hot and bothered so I can have my way with you.”

There was something about his tone of voice that got Starsky going again, although he had just come a short time earlier. But he was way too tired and had no intention of doing anything without having Hutch in his arms.

“I’m glad I did the boot camp and I’m glad that I did this on my own,” he said, knowing that Hutch would understand how he meant it and wouldn’t take it the wrong way, “but I’m ready to come home now. I proved what I needed to prove. I’m hoping to be home by about eight or so, but of course that depends on whether or not the rest of California is trying to get home at the same time I am. It’s less than 24 hours, babe. I think even we can hang on that long.”

“You know, this is the longest we’ve been separated since…” Hutch began.

Starsky picked up smoothly, “…you went home for your uncle’s funeral, when?”

“Four years ago and that was only for three days,” Hutch finished.

“It was long enough then and we weren’t even lovers yet. Let’s not do this again anytime soon, okay?”

“It’s not real high on my list either, Starsk.”

“So you’ve got a list of your own, too?” Starsky heard Hutch chuckle with the reference. He closed his eyes and bathed in the soft sound a few seconds before continuing. “I didn’t realize until now but I ain’t used to sleeping alone anymore. You spoiled me.”

“In more ways than one.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“It’s almost 5am. We really have to get off the phone.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to either Starsky, but I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep doing this until tomorrow night.”

“You hang up first.”

“No, you hang up first.”

“Huuuuutch,” Starsky whined.

“Starrrrrsky,” Hutch whined back, matching his partner’s tone exactly.

“I got an idea. We’ll do it on three. Ready?”

Hutch caught on immediately and together they said,

“One.”

“I love you,” said Starsky.

“Love you too,” came the reply.

“Two.”

“See you tomorrow, I mean tonight,” Hutch whispered.

“Can’t wait.”

“Three.”

Click.

Thanks to Lucy and Elaine for publishing this in their zine Leave a Light On For Me and to Lucy for her gentle editing and providing the best line in the story.