For A Moment

566

Hutch in dream mode.

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A light crowned over the horizon. It looked like pure gold, but the beauty of it all was drowned out by my own hearts lonely cry.

I knew the light was miles away, but it was as if I could reach out and touch it. I watched the sunrise up over rocky shores. Sitting on a massive rock, my feet dangled limply in the salty water.

The sea-swept landscape was beautiful, but something else stole my attention. Looking to my left I watched a familiar figure jogging toward me. The curly head seemed to have come up out of the water from nowhere. I couldn’t take my eyes off his dazzling image.

It takes a lot to draw my attention away from the calming effects of the water; Starsky is that powerful.

If there is magic on this planet it exists in him, in my love for him. My attraction to my partner all at once was visible.

Time seemed to twist. Destroyed by a tidal wave of love that flooded my heart as I watched him jog nearer. He became linked to my very soul, and I realized it was Starsky who kept this old heart beating fierce, steadfast in the face of danger, of life.

Eyes of blue, as blue as the sea; blazed my way. He moved like clockwork. His arms driving hard at his side, feet floating over the sand. I could see that smile of his flaring across his face bright as the golden sun while he raced closer toward me.

I wanted to stand to meet his embrace, but for a moment my world stood still, and I couldn’t move, I was anchored to that rock I sat on. In the background I could see the suns rays spider web down to touch the water, painting the waves with an alluring glow that could never match the glow in my heart.

As time passed, that glow intensified.

What magical world awaited me within one kiss from him?

My first order of business when he finally made it to me was to find out. My second order, was to latch on so tight he’d never be out of my reach again.

Unexpectedly, everything grew dark. I lost sight of my partner behind the sloping dunes and thick fog that stole him away like a thief. A wave of loneliness passed through me and I swallowed down hard, my heart suddenly going cold. But just as quickly his head rose back up for me to see.

Thunder filled my heart, points of sunlight twinkled all around him as he came to a stop in front of me.

“Hutch.” Starsky’s voice pitched soft, and the song of love in his tone waved a flag of truth. I swore his voice alone surged my blood faster and It made me feel a little dizzy. “Hutch!” He demanded louder, his tone howling like a whirlwind.

I still couldn’t move. All I could feel was this powerful ache inside me. Cold and gray. It was a deep burning pain. It felt like I was watching the sun come up out of the ocean and I somehow knew that it was the last time I’d ever see its beauty.

Starsky didn’t lay a hand on me at first, he seemed frozen. I just wanted him to touch me. Kiss me. To take away the suffering of my erection.

The sun gleamed brighter and I shielded my eyes with my hand. Starsky was nothing more than a shadowy outline in front of me. I felt a sheen of sweat on my face and my body trembled wanting to slide down off the rock.

The wind blew, but I didn’t feel it. Birds sang, but I didn’t hear them. Why couldn’t he just see how I felt? Why couldn’t he open his eyes? Arrest me for my crime of passion. Least that would be something. Was better then this noiseless bubble I was trapped in now.

***************************

Break! I heard that bubble break. It vanished. The sound of his voice suddenly jump started my world again. “Hutch.”

He bent down toward me. I felt his tremulous lips upon mine. His fingers caressed my cheek, and he deepened his kiss. I felt each stroke as wild waves broke up around the rock I sat on drenching my jeans. I felt tense, shell-shocked, I couldn’t utter a word.

Then he pulled away, still only a shadowy figure before me. Only his blue eyes stood out like beacons shining through the stormiest night. My tension eased when I heard him reverently call my name again.

“Hutch.”

I still couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.

Then persistent pressure gripped at my arm, the breezes died down, the ocean faded to silver light, and I shook my head hard coming out of my daze.

“Hutch, hey, you okay?” I looked to the firm hand that gripped at my arm.

“Huh?” My eyes drifted up into blazing ones, that held such concern for me.

“You spilled your coffee all over your jeans and didn’t even flinch, partner.” Starsky gestured with his head to the cup tilted in my grip and the wet stain of coffee on my jeans.

Disillusionment struck hard. I wasn’t sitting on some rock near the ocean. I was sitting on top my desk, my feet on my chair, coffee all over my pants.

‘Awe, the perils of dreaming. So sweet, yet so bitter.’ I shivered to the warmth I felt on my leg; falling out of my daydream hard and fast.

“Fine. I’m fine.” I gathered my wits and set the coffee cup down on the desk, at the same time slipping off the edge to stand.

“Good,” he said. ” We got the warrant, lets go get ’em.” Starsky waved the document in my face. He moved toward the door and I followed, feeling like I was back to rowing my boat across the seven seas in the dark all alone. “You with me now, Hutch?” He glanced over his shoulder.

I masked my face, gave a little smile. I swore I could still hear the grating roar of the sea against that rock.

Every hazard we faced out on the street didn’t compare to the fear I felt inside me now. I had to tell him. I resolved I would before the next sunrise. I also swore from this day on I wasn’t going to let my own fears and doubts walk through my head with dirty feet; muddying up my dreams.

I couldn’t let my dreams be wind trampled any longer. I had to tell Starsky how much I loved him.

“Yeah, partner.” I placed a strong hand between his shoulder blades and pushed him forward. “Always with you.”

Never ending……

TO SEE A WORLD IN A GRAIN OF SAND
AND HEAVEN IN A WILDFLOWER
HOLD INFINITY IN THE
PALM OF YOUR HAND
AND ETERNITY
IN AN HOUR.
—WILLIAM BLAKE