For the Gift

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Starsky and Hutch go on separate trips that lead them to each other.

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Winter snow is falling down,
Children laughing all around,
Lights are turning on all over town
Like a fairytale come true.
Sitting by the fire we made,
You’re the answer when I prayed
I would find someone,
And, baby, I found you.

And all I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday.
You saved my heart from being broken apart.
You gave your love away and I’m thankful everyday
FOR THE GIFT.

Watching as you softly sleep,
What I’d give if I could keep
Just this moment if only time stood still.
But the colors fade away,
And the years will make us gray,
But, baby, in my eyes, you’ll still be beautiful.

And all I want is to hold you forever,
All I need is you more everyday.
You saved my heart from being broken apart,
You gave your love away and I’m thankful everyday
FOR THE GIFT. *

Ken Hutchinson stood ankle-deep in snow, looking at the house he’d grown up in. The downy soft flakes were falling silently, laying an ermine coat over everything in sight. It all looked so picture perfect, like a Christmas card by Currier and Ives. There were candles at every window, a welcoming light for the return of a beloved son. A perfectly decorated Christmas tree was framed by the big picture window. He should have felt like he was coming home, but he didn’t. His family was waiting for him, but he dreaded going in.

He turned to pay the cab driver, who peeled away from the curb, disturbing the utter silence, which once again settled over everything when he was out of sight. Hutch picked up his bags and started down the long drive that led to the old remodeled farmhouse. It was a lovely home and he’d enjoyed his happy, but somewhat neglected growing-up years here. He knew Starsky would just go crazy if he saw some of the beautiful antiques that graced the huge house.

But he and Starsky had decided to go their separate ways this year. They’d been working too hard the last few months and had gotten so burnt out that the usual playful bantering that they enjoyed so much had taken on a ring of truth and they ended up squabbling with each other to the point where they could hardly work as a team. This situation culminated in Dobey kicking them both out of his office, where he’d delivered a scathing lecture, and putting them on leave until after the holidays.

They were so disenchanted with each other that they decided to take the Torino as far as Albert Lea, where Hutch would take the train on north to Duluth and Starsky would continue on to Brooklyn to spend Christmas with his mother and Nicky’s family.

The atmosphere had been strained between the two. There was little in the way of conversation other than deciding on a place to eat. Each chose to sleep while the other drove. They parted amicably at the train station, wishing each other a merry Christmas, which neither of them really meant and they split up in two parties of one.

Now Hutch had arrived and was wondering just what the hell he was doing here. He’d never felt so alone in his life.

He trudged up the drive and saw that his mom and dad had come out onto the porch to greet him.

“Oh, Kenny, it’s so good to see you.” His mom threw her arms around him, then gave him the tiniest little shove, like she always did, coming across as, ‘enough touching now.’

“I sure haven’t heard anybody call me Kenny for awhile, Mom,” he said good-naturedly.

His dad shook Hutch’s hand and patted him on the shoulder just like he’d done ever since Hutch could remember.

“Welcome home, son.”

“Hi Dad, you’re looking good. Still finding time to get to the health club, I see.”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to do some weight training, Kenneth, you’ve put on a few pounds.”

“I guess not working and taking care of Starsky all those months until he was able to go back to work probably took its toll on me. But we’ve been pulling double shifts the last couple of months and I’ll work it off in no time now.”

His dad shook his head.

“I still don’t see why that partner of yours couldn’t have hired live-in help instead of you playing nursemaid to him.”

Hutch stared at his father.

“Because I wanted to do it, that’s why. I know Starsky like no one else does and he needed me. Haven’t you ever had a friend that needed your help? No, I suppose you haven’t.”

Hutch’s mom jumped in to defuse a rather tense situation.

“Come on in, Kenny. We have lots of friends and relatives who’ll be stopping over tomorrow, including your sister, so you’ll probably want to get to bed early.”

“Mom, I know when to go to bed now. I’m not twelve anymore.” Hutch chuckled.

He had a pretty good rapport with his mother, although she’d always had help with raising her two children. Hutch could remember times spent with the babysitter more than places he’d gone with his mom. He and his dad had always butted heads. Richard Hutchinson had never quite gotten over his only son becoming a common street cop. He hadn’t paid good money to send the boy through college to turn out like that.

Hutch spent the rest of the short evening getting caught up with what everyone was doing in Duluth, hardly getting a word in edgewise and not really being asked any questions of major importance; like, was he happy? Was he seeing anyone on a regular basis? what was his partner doing for Christmas? Hutch’s mind wandered as his parents droned on about the various social functions they’d attended.

Where would Starsky be now? He probably wouldn’t see New York until morning. He hoped the man would have sense enough to pull over and catch a couple hours sleep in the car if he got tired. What kind of weather was he driving in? Was he safe?

He started yawning and his folks took the hint and went to bed, leaving him to carry his bags to his old room upstairs. He opened the door, eager to see the old trophies he’d won for wrestling, the pictures he’d had of him and his parents, all the old memorabilia. Instead he was shocked to find a room that reminded him of nothing more than one of the many hospital rooms in which he’d visited or convalesced. He’d been to Starsky home once and found it amusing, but endearing that the room looked like he’d just stepped out of it. All of the things that didn’t move to California with him when he was thirteen were still in place, almost like a shrine. This antiseptic room, this wasn’t coming home.

Suddenly, everything fell into place for him. Home wasn’t a place, it was a person. The person he loved most in the whole world. And that love was somehow transmuting into a new form. He wondered if Starsky felt it, too. Maybe that’s why they had been at each other’s throats the last couple months. He’d moved out of his partners apartment and they were both missing that connection that had grown into…. into what? The only thing he had to compare it to was his first year with Val, when they’d still been in love. Only this was even deeper. He wondered what it would be like to be with Starsky sexually and instantly felt arousal. Could it really be? Had he fallen in love with his womanizing, irascible, irritating partner? He had the evidence to prove he wanted him sexually.

He heard the phone ring and his father’s footsteps trudging down the hall. There was a short conversation and a knock on Hutch’s door.

“Son, are you asleep?”

Hutch opened the door and poked his head out.

“Dad?”

His father looked disgruntled.

“It’s David. I can tell him you’re asleep if you want me to.”

“Why on earth would I want to do that? Maybe he needs some help or something.”

His dad went back to his room, muttering about some people sure needing help a lot.

Hutch picked up the phone eagerly.

“Starsk? Are you all right?”

“Hell, I’m ‘kay, but the Torino ain’t. S’ broke down on me, the bitch, Don’t know what to do, Hutch.”

“Sounds like you didn’t have any problem finding a bar.”

“Hadda get in somewhere outa th’cold.”

“No motels in town, I assume?”

“All full up, s’just a little speed bump in the road. Bar’s open till two, but don’t know wha’ ta do in the morning.”

Hutch laughed. “If you keep this up, morning may not come. Where are you?”

“Not far past where I dropped ya off.”

“What have you been doing all this time?”

“Drinkin’, tryin’ to get up the guts to call ya.”

“What’s the name of the town, Starsky? Where are you?”

“I donno. Some jerkwater town in Minnesota, I think.”

“Let me talk to somebody there who can find his ass with both hands.”

Hutch heard muffled conversation and then a gruff voice.

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to come pick up my friend. Would you tell me where you are on the map?”

He was given directions and the man promised Starsky could stay until Hutch got there, but since it was Christmas Eve, the bar would probably close down then and wouldn’t be open the next day. Hutch agreed he’d be there as soon as he could.

His parents were willing to loan him one of their cars, but grumbled about his having to leave when they had people coming over to meet him. He apologized, but told them flat out that his partner had always bailed him out and he would do the same for him. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He wanted to get to Starsky as quickly as possible. They had some talking to do.

It was snowing hard and the roads were slippery. A few times the blond detective had to slow down to a crawl, but after a few hours he arrived at a decrepit run-down building with the grand name of Ye Old Village Tavern. There was no village anywhere near and he sure wouldn’t classify it as a tavern, but it definitely was old.. It just barely was recognizable as a bar, but there the Torino stood, also barely recognizable with snow covering it six inches deep.

Hutch pulled up beside it and left the warmth of the car to trudge through the snow to the door of the “tavern.” Stepping inside, he was momentarily blinded. Then his eyes adjusted to the dark and he was able to see. Starsky seemed to be the only one in residence. He was seated on a bar stool, head slumped over on the bar snoring. As Hutch approached, he could see that his beer had spilled all over and his head was lying in the puddle it had made.

Hearing Hutch come in, the bartender came from the back, wiping his hands on a less than spotless bar rag. He was a big bear of a man, slightly unkempt and, apparently unwashed, too, from the aroma that Hutch caught wafting on the air as the man moved.

“You his friend?” he asked gruffly, indicating the sodden heap parked on his bar stool.

“Do I have to admit it?” Hutch asked.

At that the bartender cracked a smile, revealing several teeth missing, probably from rousting some of his rowdier customers.

“I’m sure glad you’re here. I was about to drag him out and dump him in the snow. That would have jarred him awake in a hurry.”

“Just let me do it for you. Here, I’ll give you something for staying open longer than usual.”

“Nah, he paid me to let him sit here till you came. You don’t owe me nothing’.”

“Thanks a lot, I’ll take over now.”

“Do you plan at drive back to …”

“Duluth.”

“I wouldn’t advise it. Helluva storm up there. It’s supposed to dump three feet of snow between here and there. They may even close the roads. Unless you got a 4 X 4, there’s no way you’re gonna make it.”

“Nope, maybe we’ll end up sleeping in the car.”

“Wouldn’t advise that, either. A lot of people freeze to death out there in weather like this. Listen, I can’t let you stay here. The owner wouldn’t like that. But I got a cousin down the road a spell. He’s got a small house and a whole tribe of kids, but he might let you stay in the barn if you ain’t too choosy. It stays pretty warm with the cows in there. Not toasty warm or anything, but he can probably loan you a couple quilts. His wife makes them.”

“At this point, I don’t think we can afford to be choosy. If you’d call and ask him, I’d be really grateful. I can afford to pay him for his trouble.”

“I’ll give him a call. Hang on.”

The man went into the back room. Hutch approached his partner, smiling at the little-boy expression on his face as he slept. He realized he’d just come home. This man, whether he knew it or not, was his life and he could be happy with no one else. Now all he had to do was talk Starsky into the idea.

“Starsk, wake up,” he jostled him with no reaction from the sleeping man.

Hutch got right up to his partner’s ear, noticing that the man’s hair was soaked in beer.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” he hissed.

Starsky jumped and looked up at him, bloodshot eyes trying to focus on the figure standing over him.

“Hush, zat you?”

“Yeah, it’s me, buddy. In the flesh.”

“Wha’re you doin’ here?”

“You called me, mushbrain. You’re drunk on your ass and it looks like we’re going to have to sleep in a barn with the cows tonight. Or I could leave you out in the snow. It’s supposed to be knee-deep by morning.”

“Cows?”

“Yeah, you know, those big animals that give milk.”

Starsky’s eyes flashed with righteous indignation.

“I know wha’ cows are. I jus’ don’ wanna sleep with one.”

“You’re going to be sleeping with me…. damn, you’re really snockered, aren’t you?”

“I yam not! I can wa’ a straight line. I’ll showya!”

Starsky attempted to make a graceful descent from the bar stool, misjudged the distance to the floor and landed in Hutch’s arms. The blond held him tight, relishing in the emotion that flooded through him. Dead drunk, smelling like sweat, whiskey breath and beer-soaked hair, the dark-haired lunatic still had the power to get him aroused. *It must be love, * Hutch thought to himself.

Startled, he felt Starsky’s lips capture his, and then the smaller man’s tongue invaded his mouth and his eyes widened. Either Starsky thought he was one of his many girlfriends or he felt something for Hutch, too. Hutch pulled away reluctantly, knowing it was not the time or place for this and Starsky groaned. Hutch propped him up against the bar and held him there with one hand so he wouldn’t fall over.

The bartender came back with a large paper bag.

“He was about to milk the cows, so I caught him just before he went out to the barn. Your buddy told me you guys were detectives from L.A. Right?”

Hutch pulled out his badge, which he carried with him just in cases like this and showed it to the man.

“Well, I guess we can trust you, then. Dale said he could use some extra money, being Christmastime and all, so it’s okay with him. He said he’ll even leave you some leftovers out there, nothing fancy, some sliced ham and a loaf of bread, maybe a few apples. He’s got his own orchard and makes cider, so he’ll leave you some of that, too. Here’s some pretzels and popcorn from the bar, a few candy bars and four cans of soda. There’s clean hay in the loft and he’ll leave some quilts for you guys to wrap up in, there’s feed sacks for you to use as pillows. You get desperate; you can always get some more milk out of one of the cows. Your friend didn’t impress me as someone who knew what end of a cow to milk, but you being from around these parts, could probably handle the job. You won’t be disturbed until milking time in the evening.”

“You don’t know how much I appreciate this. Here’s an extra twenty for your trouble and I’ll make it right with your cousin. How do we get there?”

“Just before you get to Evota, turn right on highway 42, which takes you down towards Predmore. His place is the one with the first big red barn. On the left. Just drive up to the barn and pull your car right in. That’ll help give you a little heat, too. Latch the door behind you and you’ll be real snug.”

“Sounds like heaven right now. I’m beat. Could I make a collect phone call before we leave? I just want to let my folks know I won’t be there tomorrow.”

“Sure, no problem.” He brought the phone over to Hutch and they propped Starsky up between them, while Hutch made his call. His mom was understandably upset, but there agreed that he shouldn’t try to drive. She said it was a real blizzard there.

Hutch roused Starsky again. He was barely able to walk. The bartender indicated that Hutch should wait a minute. He went back into the back room again and came back out with a big Thermos jug.

“I almost forgot. I’ve been on the wrong side of a bad hangover and he’s gonna have a doozy. Here’s some strong coffee and some aspirin. You can just leave that behind when you head home.”

“Seems like you’ve thought of everything. I can’t thank you enough.”

“Aw, we’ve had emergencies like this before around here. Happy to help out. Here, I’ll help you get him out to the car.”

Starsky affably tried to help them carry him between them, almost causing all three of them to take a tumble in the snow.

“Whew, looka this stuff, le’s make snow angels, Hush!”

“Yeah right, go on ahead and then you can run behind the car all the way to where we’re going to sleep tonight. It’s going to be hard enough to get the beer smell out of my mom’s car.”

“S’your mom here, too?”

“No, moron, just her car. Now get in there and straighten up!”

Thanking the bartender, finally forthcoming with his name, Virgil, Hutch got in beside his partner and started the car. He waved and headed out in the direction the man had indicated. The roads were treacherous and Hutch almost missed the turn onto 42, because of the visibility, but managed to pick out the huge, red freshly-painted barn that was to be their motel for the day and next night, too, possibly, if the roads didn’t clear up. He drove into the snow-covered drive and off to the side up to the barn door.

Firmly detaching Starsky, who was sleeping soundly on his shoulder, he propped the man up and got out of the car, opened the barn door, drove it in and shut and latched the door behind him. The only light came from a light bulb right above the car, but he could see that there were other bulbs every three to four hundred feet. He turned them all on until he got to the back of the barn, then returned to drag Starsky out of the car. The dark-haired man was a little more alert now that they’d stopped. Hutch supported much of his weight until they got to the ladder of the loft. The only way he could get Starsky up the ladder was to bully him up the first few rungs and then stick his head through the man’s legs and practically hoist him up on his shoulders. The proximity of his neck and his partners crotch sent shivers through him. The warmth and musky smell of the other man aroused him, but he had to mentally send his genitals a firm command to keep them in line.

“Down, boy!” he muttered.

Starsky looked down at him trying to figure out what Hutch’s head was doing between his legs.

“Wha’s tha god awful smell? Didju fart?”

“That’s cowshit, Starsk.”

“Bullshit, you did to!”

Hutch was reaching the end of his patience.

“Just climb the gosh darned ladder and shut up, damn it!”

“Kay, ya don hafta get riled.”

Once they got to the top, Hutch pushed his partner out of the way and looked around. A cozy little nest had been built out of the hay. A few doll-sized dishes and a rope evidently used to swing from the loft down to the main part of the barn indicated that this was a favorite place for the “tribe of kids” to play.

He was surprised to see a little table with a tiny lighted Christmas tree, evidently brought from the household decorations, maybe a farm wife’s way to brighten a Christmas for two men stuck in a barn. All the necessities had been provided for and more. He felt touched by the hospitality of these people.

Starsky had fallen asleep where he’d landed, so Hutch left him there and proceeded to make them up a bed. As irritated as he was by this man, he loved him more than he could possible express right at this moment. He smoothed some of the hay out to make a bed, put one of the quilts down to sleep on and two of the feed sacks for pillows. He realized he’d left all the lights on in the barn, so he climbed down the ladder and shut them off.

Grabbing a flashlight that hung conveniently by the ladder, he climbed back up to join his partner.

He pulled Starsky’s shoes off and loosened his clothing and coaxed and prodded until he was able to get him up and over to the bed he’d made for him. He pushed him against the wall and laid down next to him, worrying that Starsky might get up in the night and, being disoriented, break his fool neck stepping off into thin air. He finally relaxed enough to fall off into a fitful sleep, dreaming of what he’d like to be doing with the curly-haired demon he was holding so tightly in his arms.

Starsky woke up first, having no idea where he was or who was with him. There was total darkness and the last thing he recalled was drinking more than his share at that bar. Reaching back and running his hands over the figure spooned so tightly against him and holding him so he could hardly breathe, he discovered that it was definitely not a woman. Parts of the previous night started coming back to him in bits and pieces and he remembered calling Hutch for help.

“Hutch?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Hutch!”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Where the heck are we? It’s darker than the inside of a barn.”

“That’s ’cause it is the inside of a barn, meathead. Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t. I gotta headache.”

Hutch raised himself up on one elbow.

“You deserve it. What the hell do you expect when you try to drink a bar dry?”

“I had to keep drinkin’ to be nice. I didn’t want to waste the man’s time. He kept asking me if I wanted another one and…”

“And you just got stinking drunk to be nice, right?”

“Well, yeah, I guess.”

“Then I hope you enjoy your hangover, ’cause I’m going back to sleep. There’s some coffee in the Thermos jug and some aspirin in one of the bags over there.”

“Over where? I can’t see a thing.”

“You know, sometimes, Starsky, you can be a real pain.”

“I know that, but ya still love me, don’t ya.”

Hutch sighed deeply, then got up and, feeling around in the dark, he plugged in the little Christmas tree. That gave him enough light to find the flashlight.

He grabbed the Thermos and the two cups that were in the bag with the aspirin. The coffee was still hot, but not by much. He poured two cups and grabbed the aspirin. Then he made his way back to Starsky, who was looking around him in wonder.

“We really are in a barn.”

“You got it, Ace.”

“It really stinks in here. Where’s that smell coming from?”

“I think we had this conversation earlier. There are cows below us. Cows smell. Cows are not housebroken. They tend to shit all over the place. Hence the smell.”

“You don’t have to be so sarcastic.”

“Sorry, I’m tired. I didn’t get to sleep for hours with my head on the bar in a puddle of beer.”

“Stinks, huh?” Starsky had the decency to finally look ashamed of himself. “Sorry to be so much trouble, Hutch. I appreciate you coming.”

The shame in the dark blue eyes melted Hutch’s heart immediately. Contritely, he put his arm around his best friend.

“It’s all right. What’s a little stench among friends? I probably don’t smell like roses myself, but there’s no shower. We could go out and roll in the snow. You were wanting to make snow angels last night.”

“I must have been out of my gourd.” He shivered and pulled the heavy quilts back over his shoulder.”

“You were definitely flying high.” Hutch smiled. “And I didn’t really mind rescuing you. I wasn’t having much fun where I was.”

“I’ll bet your folks are pissed off at me.”

“I don’t think you’re very high on their list right now, but that doesn’t concern me too much. There’s a lot of people that don’t make the grade with them, including yours truly.”

“I can’t believe that, Hutch.”

“It’s true. I didn’t feel at home there at all.”

“After I let you off, I didn’t even want to go home. It just didn’t seem important anymore.”

“I think we need to talk about why that is, Starsk. I came to a few conclusions myself after I left you.”

Noticing that Hutch was tensing up, Starsky moved up closer to him and started rubbing the muscles in his shoulders and neck. The closeness of the other man was not making this confession any easier for Hutch and he scooted away a little.

“You’re still mad at me, aren’t you?”

“No, but I need to tell you something and I can’t do it with you draped all over me.”

“Draped…?

“Yes, draped, do you remember kissing me last night, or this morning, really?”

“Kissing…you?”

“Yes, tongue hockey and everything. I thought you were trying for a tonsillectomy.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry, Hutch, if I offended you. I must have been near meltdown drunk.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, babe. I liked it. I guess I’m trying to tell you…I-I’ve fallen in love with you. If it grosses you out, we’ll just forget all about it and stay the way we were, but I gotta know if you feel the same.”

The look on Starsky’s face was priceless.

“Hutch, that’s what I wanted to tell you, but then I got drunk ’cause I was afraid it would mess up our relationship. I’ve missed you so much since you moved back to your place. I think that’s why I’ve been snapping at you the last couple months. I wanted to ask you, but didn’t think you could ever love me, you know… that way.”

Starsky’s face turned a red that practically glowed in the dark.

“A couple real fuck-ups, aren’t we?” Hutch chuckled.

“Yeah, Christmas night and a couple of virgins in a stable. Bring on the wise men.”

Now it was Hutch’s turn to blush.

“Well, this is one virgin that isn’t ready to be deflowered in a smelly old barn. I think we can keep a lid on it until we get ourselves home, don’t you?”

“Just barely. Hutch, it’s Christmas Day. It’s going to be the happiest Christmas I’ve ever had.” He leaned over and kissed Hutch chastely on the lips, then moved in for a deeper, lingering, worshipful kiss that made Hutch shake.

“What’s the matter, Blondie, cold?” Starsky leered at him. “Or do you just want to get at this bod?”

“I’d prefer that the bod in question was shaved, bathed, shampooed and didn’t have whiskey on its breath.”

“You’re mighty particular all of a sudden.”

“I want it all, Starsk, the candlelight and roses, the anticipation, the glances during dinner. This is no fling for me. I want it to be just us for the rest of our lives.”

Hutch looked up to see his partner with tears shining in his eyes. He reached over and wiped away an errant drop that had slid down the man’s cheek.

“Thank you, Hutch.”

Thinking his partner meant thanks for wiping the tear away, he said, “It was nothing.”

“No, I didn’t mean that. I meant thank you…for the gift, the gift of your love. It’s the greatest gift one person can give another.”

“I guess we got each other the same present this year, but I don’t want to exchange it. Tomorrow, we’ll head back to Duluth to take the car back…”

“Okay, I’ll follow you in the Torino, then we’ll head for home ASAP.”

It dawned on Hutch what his sly partner had just said.

“The Torino, Starsky? Why, you sneaky, underhanded, son of a!

“Better stop there, big boy, or I’m going to have to take you on.”

“You planned all this just to get me down here.”

“Worked, didn’t it? I know it was selfish of me to take you away from your family, but I just couldn’t go on any further without knowing how you felt.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Okay, point well taken. I think we need to use today to set down some ground rules, especially about lying to each other.” He glowered at Starsky.

Properly chastised, he hung his head. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“No secrets is rule number one.”

“Okay, before you go on, I gotta pee. Where’s the little boys room?”

“I guess you weren’t born in a barn. No little boy’s room. You either go share with the cows or you stick it out the barn door and write your name in the snow.”

Starsky giggled. “Does that have anything to do with people saying your barn door’s open?

Hutch flopped back down on the straw mattress.

“You’re on your own. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Poor sport.”

“Merry Christmas, Starsk.” Hutch barely finished the sentence before he was asleep.

Starsky watched him sleep for awhile before he whispered, “I love you, too, ya big lug.” He smiled, the light of the flashlight combined with his thousand-watt grin lighting his way brilliantly all the way down the ladder and to the barn door.

THE END (for now, at least)

 

The sequel to this story is In This Life I Was Loved By You.