Ghosts from the Past

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Soon after Starsky had returned on active duty he and Hutch had to deal with what appeared at first to be a serial killer but later turned out to be a ghost from their past.

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Starsky was nervous.

Admitting it was something that the usually self-confident Detective Sergeant David Michael Starsky would never do but the evidence was there and it could not be ignored.

He’d been rumbling through his closet for the last fifteen minutes trying to decide what to wear. And just when everything seemed to fit perfectly together-the jeans, the pullover, the shoes and even the socks, he found something very little–like a spot on the blouse or a ladder on the socks and it started all over again.

If Hutch can see me right now he ain’t gonna let me live it down. The poor guy is in love with you and you are worryin’ about a little spot on your pullover. There might be something really wrong with my head, Starsky concluded, a soft smile appeared on his face and he shook his head at his own nervousness. One final check in the mirror just in case and he was ready to go. He locked the apartment door on his way to the Torino and carefully closed the door of his beloved car, then started the engine.

It isn’t that strange to be a little anxious Starsky reasoned with himself while driving to his lover’s apartment at Ocean Street. After all it was exactly one month from the day his life had changed forever.

*

One month before.

That was Starsky’s first day back on active duty since Gunther and the shooting. He and Hutch had been working for a week now, going through old paperwork and records so that Starsky could, according to captain Dobey, ‘get used to the job again.’ But the most irritating thing for Starsky was that Hutch, his partner, his best friend in the whole world, didn’t seemed to mind their current condition that much. In fact he appeared to be in total agreement with their Captain and hadn’t protested at all on hearing about his decision.

Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence, buddy, I really appreciate it. Anyway, that had been bugging the hell out of Starsky for the rest of the day but then, just like that he decided to drop it. If Hutch needed more time to get used to the idea of his healthy and breathing partner again on the streets, then who was he to deny him that privilege.

So after seven days of boring documentation, double-checking every damned file and then putting it in alphabetical order, they were finally called in Dobey’s office. Hutch took a seat in front of their Captain while Starsky poured himself a cup of coffee and then looked questioningly towards his partner, who in turn just shook his head negatively.

Their silent communication never ceased to amaze Dobey but he chose not to think about it right now. It felt so much like the old days, and just for a moment the older man thought he had imagined the last year and a half, in which the two men in his office had gone through hell and back–first with Starsky’s shooting and then with his slow recovering and coming back to active duty. But then his eyes fell on Hutch and noted for one more time the obvious changes. It wasn’t so much on the outside, even though Hutch had lost some weight and had chosen to get rid of that irritating mustache and finally have a decent haircut for a change. No, It was in his eyes.

There was something–maybe they looked more mature, Dobey thought. And they lacked something…that lively sparkle of happiness. Not that Hutch was unhappy but something was definitely bothering him. Dobey shook his head and turned his attention to the other detective.

“Well, Starsky, I am glad you feel like home. Remind me next time to bring you some of Edith’s cookies. Now, if you’re finished with the coffee I suggest you take a seat so we can actually do some work here,” the Captain said but he didn’t sound as grumpy as he wanted to and that irritated him further more.

“Yes, of course, Sir.” Starsky hurried to do as he was told. After all why disobey the man who had the power to make his following week a paper hell like the previous one.

“Well,” Dobey continued, “today is the big day. I wanted to make sure that everything is OK before I let the two of you back on the streets.”

“Sure Cap’n, everything is more than fine.” Starsky was quick to assure the man across the desk before he had decided to postpone their returning by another week.

“Hutchinson?”

Hutch looked towards his enthusiastic partner comfortably sitting in the chair next to him and waiting eagerly for his replay. He felt the dark blue eyes examining his features closely, daring him to say the truth even *if* Starsky wouldn’t like it very much, if at all. Hutch smiled gently at his partner’s keenness, with that special smile reserved only for Starsky, and then turned towards Dobey “Yeah sir, I think it’s high time we start really earning our pay-check again.” On saying that he reached for his partner’s cup and took a sip from it.

“Hey, why didn’t ya say you wanted when I asked you?” Starsky responded his voice sounding a little too guilty and Hutch immediately knew the reason.

“You asked me *only* because you didn’t want me to drink from *your* coffee and find out how much sugar *you’ve* stuffed in there, didn’t you?” He accused, waving a finger at his partner’s direction. “I swear, Starsk, some day you’re going to regret all those bad habits and *I’ll* be there saying ‘I told you so’.”

“Yeah, but at least my life’ll be a lot more sweeter till then,” Starsky grinned and winked at Hutch who didn’t have time to come up with a proper answer since they were quickly getting on Dobey’s nerves.

“Okay, you two get out of my office! I may change my mind and send you where you actually belong–in the kindergarten”.

The argument quickly forgotten, Starsky and Hutch retreated from their captain’s office, but it was too good to be true, and only a few seconds later a curly hair appeared again.

“Hey Cap’n, did that offer about the cookies still stand?”

“Get out!”

*

The rest of their day had passed uneventfully…Well, almost.

With two other officers they had managed to solve a kidnapping case as they’d arrived just in time to save a young girl from her obsessive boyfriend. Yeah, life was good again. Starsky, who was driving, sneaked a quick look at his unnaturally quiet partner and smiled affectionately.

“I’d offer you a penny for your thoughts but I’m pretty sure they’re worth at least a buck.”

If only you knew, partner, if only you knew. Hutch returned the smile with one of his own. “Was just thinking how lucky I’m to have you back, buddy. I’ve missed all of this,” He said, the light blue eyes shyly glancing at Starsky.

In that moment the darker man wanted nothing more but to pull over, take his adorable, sweet partner in his arms and never let go. “Feels good to be back, too, partner. I’ve missed it…and I don’t only mean the job…I’ve missed us.” As the silence in the car stretched suspiciously longer Starsky spared Hutch another glance just in time to catch the hurt expression on his face. “Aw, c’mon, babe, I didn’t mean it like that–It’s just that during the rehab you were always there for me, and I love ya for that, but I guess it wasn’t the same. Today, when we nailed that prick together, it–I dunno…it felt so good, so right….”

Nodding, Hutch put a reassuring hand on Starsky’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. Not long time ago Hutch’d realized that during the last several months he’d started using that simple gesture a lot more often than in the past. But what had been really nagging some unknown part of his subconscious was that it wasn’t always for Starsky’s comfort. You just can’t keep your hands off him, can you, Hutch thought annoyed. “I know what you mean, partner,” he started saying softly. “What we have together, our friendship…it’s special and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But we’re partners, too, and we haven’t been that for quite some time–at least not that way…” Hutch snorted out getting lost in his own words and then clarified. “What I’m trying to say is it’s perfectly natural to feel…you know-whole, complete. We have it all again, buddy, we’ve beaten the odds one more time.”

“Yeah,” Starsky let out a rich chuckle, “we did it. Me and Thee, huh?”

“Like always…Hey, how about a little celebration, just the two of us? Some delicious food, maybe even catch some nice picture on the tube? I have all the ingredients at my place,” Hutch asked hopefully.

“You’ve got a date, Blondie” Starsky’s eyes never left the road but the big smile that appeared on his face was visible to Hutch even from his current location. “And if you include a bottle of fine wine with all of that, you might even get lucky tonight,”  Starsky concluded playfully.

The comment was so totally *Starsky* that Hutch couldn’t hold on the laugh that escaped his slightly parted lips. His partner flirted so shamelessly with him that sometimes he simply couldn’t *not* blush. And If it was coming from anyone, except Starsky, Hutch would’ve felt a little self-conscious even uncomfortable but Starsky was as straight as they come. Sometimes he wished the man next to him meant something more by it but that was just wistful thinking and for the better part of the day he was content with what they had. Nights though were a whole different story.

“You know something, Starsk, never before in my whole life, have I *ever* needed a bottle of wine to persuade a beautiful lady to go in bed with me, ” Hutch’s voice came out light and teasing.

“Oh, yeah? Well, I’m not just any kind of girl, Hutch. I deserve a whole lot better than a couple’a your charmin’ smiles and some flowers.” Starsky fully expected his last comment to be either ignored or met with a roll of the eyes so he was surprised when a few seconds later he heard Hutch’s soft response.

“That you do, babe, that you do. You deserve a lot more better than anyone can ever give you.” Hutch said somewhat melancholy.

That’s my Hutch, Starsky thought fondly, he may end a perfectly good teasing with just one sentence and make my insides melt. “We’re here,” Starsky said instead, killing the engine, and quickly got out of the car. He wanted to make sure he’d regained his cool face before facing his partner again. It is a wonder he knows me so well, and yet hadn’t figured it out, Starsky thought with relief.

Hutch stayed inside the Torino a bit longer, his chin thrust in his chest, remembering a time when it took them, what then seemed like an entirety just to get Starsky in and out of the car. Yeah, we’ve beaten the odds again. Until when? How many more close calls till someone up there decides it’s enough. Today, when they’d surrounded that old, abandoned house where Peterson had been holding that poor girl for almost a week, Starsky had burst in first from the back entrance, claiming it was his show. Hutch and their other two colleagues had split up surrounding the house. The next thing Hutch heard had been several shots and then all went quiet. He was in there in a matter of seconds, not caring for nothing and nobody only to find Starsky, still bent from the shooting, holding his gun and a little breathless but otherwise whole and without a scratch. Their looks crossed for a few brief seconds and then Starsky rose to his feet coming up with some stupid joke about still being faster that Hutch couldn’t even comprehend at the time. He stood there in the middle of the room, feeling a little bit sick himself and watched how his partner took care of the hysterical girl.

“Hey, Hutch, did you fall asleep in there?”

“I am coming, Starsk” Hutch quickly got out of the car and sprinted to catch up with his partner. Don’t you dare ruin this dinner with what ifs, Hutchinson. He’s okay; sure a little exhausted but nothing that some good night’s sleep couldn’t mend.

Once inside the apartment, Starsky set off towards the kitchen.

“Hey, where do you think you are going?” Hutch asked amazed.

“I…in the kitchen, of course. Or do you expect the chicken to find its own way to the oven?” Starsky answered with a grin, a little taken aback from Hutch’s question.

“No way, partner,” Hutch stirred his friend towards the sofa and gently pushed him down, “you just sit comfortably over here and relax. Watch some TV or maybe even take a little nap or something, while *I* take care of the dinner.”

“Hutch,” Starsky sighed exasperate, “I wanna help ya, buddy! And I am perfectly capable of cuttin’ some vegetables and making a salad,” and then a little more softly, “I am not made outta glass, you know.”

Hutch didn’t move for a few seconds, then looked away from his partner’s demanding eyes, and shook his head. “Yeah, you’re right, of course. I’m sorry…just give me more time, ok?”

“You’ve got all the time in the world, buddy. But it ain’t gonna help you *unless* you finally talk with me. I know there’s somethin’ botherin’ ya…I saw it today in the car and I’ve been seein’ it for a long time now. Come on, out with it.” Starsky settled more comfortably into the sofa and gave the other man his full attention.

Subjected to his partner’s unwavering gaze, Hutch realized there was very little he could do to avoid the upcoming conversation so he let out a deep sigh, falling on his knees in front of Starsky. It had to be resolved some way or the other. Why not now? “It’s not a big deal, or at least I thought it wasn’t,” Hutch finally said with a nervous smile but when he saw that Starsky wasn’t buying it he dropped the pretence. “It’s just that sometimes I-I feel so s-scared, Starsk,” He muttered, dropping his look to the floor.

“Hey, look at me.” Starsky gently lifted Hutch’s chin until their eyes met again but he didn’t like a bit what he saw there. Worry. Anxiety. But why? Everything was ok, right? For the first time during the last long year everything was fine again “Scared of what, buddy? Tell me, so we can find the best way to deal with it.”

There was a brief silence and then the husky voice continued more agitated this time. “I’m afraid you might get hurt again, Starsky. Don’t you see it?! You’re all over that case today…eager to prove the whole damned world nothing’s changed! Do you have the slightest idea how *I* felt when I h-heard those 3 shots?! Scared? Terrified? Shaken? It isn’t even close, Starsky.”

Visibly restraining himself to offer some comfort; he won’t before they’ve really talked, Starsky reasoned in his most rational tone. “Hutch, he was just a kid, buddy…yeah, surely a nut–but he didn’t even know how to hold the gun-”

“I know! But I can’t help how I felt, Starsky–you just rushed in there and we don’t do that-we don’t work that way!”

Starsky frowned and ran his fingers through the curly mess of hair trying to smooth it a bit. Looking back he had acted a little hurriedly but dammit it had been year and a half. Still…he knew where Hutch was coming from “You’re right…I guess I really didn’t wait for you–I’m sorry.”

Hutch nodded but his gaze was focused on some spot on the floor. When he spoke again his voice had become strange and distant “For a couple of seconds back then…I was in that parking again, Starsk.” The light blue eyes finally looked up swimming in tears. “A-and it *all* came back to me…there was a-a sharp noise from the car–and then a storm of bullets and-and I-I r-rushed round the car and saw you-”

“Shhh, don’t do that to yourself, buddy,” Starsky reached out and finally took the trembling man in his hands, his own heart aching for him. They probably needed to talk more but Starsky simply couldn’t *not* offer some comfort. He met no resistance from Hutch who greedily accepted the closeness and sank into the warmth and comfort of the offered embrace, letting out a quiet sob. Starsky squeezed him even harder and with his other hand petted lovingly the blond hair.

“Let it out, babe, let it all out.” Starsky buried his cheek even deeper into the soft hair with Hutch trying hard, but failing, to suppress the sobs escaping his mouth. “Easy, buddy, it’s just the two of us here, there is no need to hold up,” Starsky whispered softly into the nearest ear and continued to mutter reassurances knowing from experience they were the best cure for now. He’d suspected long ago that eventually this would have to happen-sooner or later. Hutch had to release the tension built during the last two years, and not only from the shooting, or the recovering but from before as well. It was a fact that even before Gunther the things between them hadn’t exactly been peachy. Starsky, for his part, had many chances to get rid of that bubbling negative energy inside him over and over again. Sometimes when the pain was unbearable, when he just couldn’t imagine ever seeing that famous light at the end of the tunnel, he’d lashed out at the nearest thing staying in his way–breaking, shouting… Other times Starsky felt so emotionally drained that all he had energy for was to crawl on the floor and suffer. And all these times Hutch was there for him, literally and figuratively picking up the pieces, soothing, offering comfort, encouraging, reassuring, and on a few occasions, when Starsky needed it, shouting with him, at him. He was so concentrated on the idea of getting Starsky back on the force, helping him deal with the pain that his own fears and demons had been left somewhere behind. And Starsky knew that sooner or later, when everything with him seemed normal again, they would surface. But never had he imagined they would be so deep. Yeah, babe, it was high time for your healing to begin, too. And I’ll be there for you.

The shaking body in his arms began to relax slightly. With every passing second the sobs became quieter and quieter, until finally they stopped completely.

“You feelin’ OK now?” Starsky asked, a stupid question he knew but they had to start from somewhere.

Hutch didn’t make any attempt to pull away from him, just patted his wet shirt and muttered, “Well, I’ve just ruined one of your favorite shirts, to begin with, but the fact that I made a complete idiot of myself isn’t for ignoring, either.” He smiled with irony and Starsky had to chuckle with him . What was with them and humor anyway?

Starsky began to move but Hutch stopped him. “C’mon, buddy, we’re both on the floor, and it ain’t doin’ either of us any good,” Starsky reasoned calmly. “C’mon, let’s get somewhere more comfortable and talk about this.” He straightened up and sat again on the sofa and Hutch reluctantly followed him. Starsky waited patiently for his partner to begin but when it became pretty obvious that Hutch had no such intentions, he sighed and repeated his last question. “How do you feel?”

“Fine. I-I don’t wonna talk about it.” Hutch got up and went to the nearest window.

That is it, we are close. Just one more little push and he will sing like a canary, Starsky thought and went after him. He put his hand on Hutch’s shoulder, but the blond visibly tensed up so Starsky reluctantly moved it away. “So, you don’t wanna talk, I’ve gathered that much. But you have to understand I need some answers here, cause I know there’s somethin’ more botherin’ ya…And I am not a mind-reader, Hutch. I am not even close to it!” He was still facing Hutch’s back and that unnerved him even more. “Okay, you said you were afraid before.” Starsky stopped for a moment as another idea just occurred to him. His partner wasn’t just afraid; he was ashamed as well. “Hey, Hutch, answer just this one, please. Do you think less of me because of the last year?” Starsky asked carefully but desperately wanted to know the answer to this one himself.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Hutch turned quickly seeking Starsky’s eyes.

“I am askin’ you the same question, buddy!” Starsky raised his voice a bit, too. “Where the hell did that come from? You are hurtin’ and you won’t talk to me. Why?” Starsky broke the eye contact with his partner and moved away from the window. “You know the last few months I’ve been a complete pain in the ass. I was depressed, hurtin’ like hell but you were always there for me, puttin’ up with my moods, offerin’ comfort and it made me feel well.” He heard movements behind him turned around only to come face in face with Hutch “And now when the situation is reversed you’re actin’ like–”

“Don’t you see? You were *depressed* and *hurting* because you had three bullets in your body!” Hutch shook his head in exasperation “You had every right to feel that way, buddy…to seek comfort. Me? I wasn’t hurt. I came out of this whole mess without a scratch!” The blond threw his hands up in the air to emphasize his words. “You see, Starsky, I didn’t have any right to hurt. If anything I should be the happiest man in the whole universe, and I swear, babe, I am, it’s just that sometimes…”

“You feel so afraid” Starsky offered and Hutch gave him a small nod. So afraid and…guilty? Starsky wondered.

“Afraid, hurting, you name it! And then I feel…I feel *guilty* as hell because *I don’t* have the right. And I…I am not making any sense, right?”

“No, you’re making a perfect sense, well,” Starsky quickly amended, “as much as anythin’ *you* say can make sense, that is.” This actually brought a soft smile from the blond and Starsky felt very pleased with himself. Trust my partner to feel guilty about having a heart. “Now, we are goin’ to sit over there, on that nice sofa you’ve got and talk about this whole thing.” Hutch wanted to protest but Starsky was having none of it and stirred him towards the sofa. “Right, now, when we’re both comfortable I want you to listen real good,” Starsky continued, placing both his hands on Hutch’s shoulders. “From all the stupid things you’ve felt guilty about durin’ all this years we’ve known each other, and believe me you’ve come up with some real winners…*this* is probably the most ridiculous one.” Hutch looked away. “Okay, you don’t believe me, but think about it, Hutch, think real good about it. You *don’t* have to be physically hurt to feel pain, babe, and we know that better than anyone else.”

“It’s always harder on the one’s left behind,” Hutch said quietly, yet remembering one more close call.

“And it’s all right to be scared too, Blintz,” Starsky continued soothingly, his eyes never leaving Hutch’s and his arms still gripping his shoulders. “Remember the times after the plague? For awhile you damn near had to use your gun to get me off your back. The first few days I was *so* scared I wouldn’t even let you take a bath alone.”

They both chuckled at the memory. Starsky was really getting on his nerves then Hutch remembered but he didn’t have the heart to tell him to back off. He just had to whistle quietly from his bed and Starsky was there on hands and knees, asking whether he was all right and if he wanted something for the pain. “Yeah, I remember,” Hutch admitted sheepishly.

“And do you think that I was overreacting’, that I didn’t have the right to feel a little bit shaky myself?” Starsky pushed further.

“Of course you did, buddy…God knows what *I* would’ve done in your place. The first couple of weeks were pretty rough for you, too.”

“See? But you put up with me behavin’ like a mother hen anyway. *Because* you *knew* that I was scared as hell you weren’t completely cured, that something wrong might’ve happen… Why do you think I won’t do the same for you?”

“Why indeed…” A soft smile appeared on Hutch face. Starsky knew that they will probably have other similar conversations in the future but that was okay by him. “Besides you can always tell me to back off when I am really driving you nut, right?”

“Count on that, buddy. You’ll hear my messages loud and clear…And as for today-I was really pushin’ it a bit. It won’t happen again.” There was just one more little thing to be taken care of… “Hey, Hutch, one more thing,” Starsky said and Hutch looked at him again, “I don’t want to *ever* hear you again feelin’ guilty about *me* taking three bullets and *you* comin’ out without a scratch.” The expression on Starsky’s face was deadly serious as he let Hutch know he was taking the whole matter very seriously. “First of all because it ain’t true. You’ve had your share of wounds *and* just because they ain’t *visible* doesn’t mean they don’t count.” Starsky stopped for a moment to take a breath and then let it out noisily. “And second…you damn right know that I wouldn’t make it without you–If anythin’…if you’ve been shot as well…I don’t think I could’ve recovered.” And then more quietly “And even if I *could* I don’t think I would want to. Not without you there.” Starsky risked a glance at his partner, expecting him to be upset from his last statement but the expression on Hutch’s face didn’t show such emotions. There was only affection and some sadness.

“You’re right, I am sorry, buddy. I won’t mention it again,” Hutch promised, wanting nothing more but to chase away the painful memories from Starsky’s shooting. “How about we start that dinner if you’re still up to it?” He added more lightly changing the subject.

“I am starvin’, let’s go,” Starsky responded as they both moved towards the kitchen. “Hey, that’s my favorite wine, over there,” Starsky stated happily as he saw the bottle of wine on the kitchen table next to the other purchases.

“I was kinda hoping you would come by tonight after work,” Hutch said matter-of-factly while putting the chicken in the oven.

“I like the idea, celebrating our first day at work.”

“Well, you had your welcome party the other week and I just wanted to make something special just the two of us.”

“I appreciate it, buddy. And I don’t mean only the dinner,” Starsky was finished with the salad, and with a brief slap on Hutch’s shoulder, he moved pass the blond to the table and left the plate there

Soon the dinner was ready and they both sat around the table, eating quickly since they were starving. They had missed lunch and with this late dinner the content of their plates was quickly disappearing.

“Hey, you’re a bit quiet, partner. What is it?” Hutch questioned as the silence in the room had become obvious.

“I dunno…I guess I was just thinkin’ about today.”

“What about it?”

Starsky pushed away his almost empty plate and stared at it lost in thoughts. “You said before that I was too eager today, right?” He asked finally with a dose of bewilderment in his voice avoiding his partner’s question.

Fully devoted to the pursuit of an olive all over his plate, Hutch replied absently. “Yup, you’re getting stir crazy on that stake-out in the morning.” Finally sticking the fugitive on his fork Hutch examined it not without a glimmer of vindictiveness in his eyes and then laughed out leaving it in his plate for a moment. “I even got that fantasy going in my head after the second hour in the car with you. You know something along the line of me luring you out of the Torino and then driving away,” Hutch chuckled loudly to let his partner know he was only joking around. In fact he couldn’t be any happier of a partner strong and healthy enough to bitch around because of the lousy stake-out.

Starsky though didn’t laugh, if anything his expression become grimmer. “You mean eager enough to become trigger-happy?” He asked dejectedly and the easy smile on Hutch’s face disappeared.

Suddenly losing all the interest in his salt he asked seriously. “What’s this about, Starsk?”

“I killed that guy–Peterson today. He was no more than what 23-25…He had his entire life ahead of him,” Starsky trailed off.

“And he was going to spend it in jail.” Hutch responded “You did what you have to do, Starsk. The guy was about to blow you and…what was her name?”

“Sheila” Starsky supplied quickly.

“Yeah, Sheila…he was about to shoot both you and her. You had every right to pull the trigger just when you did, buddy. Right?” Hutch stressed out leaving Starsky no room for arguments. As far as he was concerned that was the perfect example of a justified shooting and not even his overly conscientious partner couldn’t avert it.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just…it doesn’t feel right to shoot anybody, especially a kid, because he was just that, Hutch. A kid.”

“Yeah, a kid,” Hutch snored in clear disgust, “a kid that was able of kidnapping and raping 19 years old girl.” Hutch grew serious, his eyes gazing somewhere in the distance. “I don’t know, Starsk, what possible reasons could turn a person into such a monster? Sheila…all her friends we’ve talked with today described her as an open-hearted girl, full of energy…Did you see her now? She’s a mess. I don’t think she’ll *ever* manage to recover from that and have a normal life.” Hutch shook his head at the sense of absurdity, not that any other act of crime made more sense to him but rapes had always been his weak spot. “I couldn’t feel sorry for any man responsible for such a thing, *even* if it’s a kid,” He concluded with conviction, finally parting his lips for the olive. Not counting the fact that he tried to kill my partner as well.

“You’re right. How about we pass by the hospital on our way to work tomorrow? Even if Sheila doesn’t feel up to giving official statements? Just to leave some flowers or somethin’.”

“Sure, we can do that. Just wish we were able to do something more.”

“Me too, Hutch, me too…I guess now it all depends on her family and her close friends. They all seemed very nice.”

“Hey, let’s lighten up the mood a bit. It is our celebration after all.”

“Sure, I am stuffed. I’ve only got some space left for a dessert. You have somethin’, right?” Starsky asked and knowing his partner’s tastes he surveyed the kitchen for anything remotely resembling a dessert. Probably something healthy and greenish, he thought with resignation long ago used to the difference in tastes.

“I’ve got something better.” Hutch looked up from his plate and smiled at the skeptical expression that appeared on Starsky’s face.

“Better than a dessert?” Starsky asked doubtfully. ” I find it hard to believe.”

“See for yourself then-be right back.” Hutch got up quickly and went into the bedroom. Even inside he still could feel his partner’s eyes on his back as he bent over and picked up the package from under his bed. I hope you like it, Starsk. He put up his best cheerful expression and went back into the room.

“Here you go, buddy,” He placed the package casually in front of Starsky and took a seat next to him on the sofa.

“What’s that?” Starsky asked even though the answer was obvious having in mind the colorful wrapping and the big ribbon on it.

“It’s a welcome present, dummy. Come on, it’s not going to bite, you know,” Hutch smiled fondly obviously having way too much fun at Starsky’s expense.

“With you and your weird sense of humor who knows?” Starsky retorted grinning and finally picked up the package. He opened the box hurriedly fully expecting it to be one of Hutch’s usual ‘smart’ gifts but enthusiastic nevertheless. The snappy reply though froze on his lips when he removed all the wrappings and inspected its content. In the bottom of the box there was a photo camera but not just an ordinary one. Starsky had been dreaming about this miracle of the technique ever since he saw it exhibited is some very expensive shop over a month ago but never really expected it to be his. It was just one of those things that you dream of having if you were rich-like a big house in the suburbs or a Porsche.

“Hey, have you lost your voice or something?” Hutch asked a little bit nervous from Starsky’s reaction, or lack of it therefore. When he’d bought the camera he’d been absolutely certain his partner would love the unnecessary complicated as far as he was concerned thing but now was beginning to have doubts.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Hutch.” Starsky was still holding the camera and examining it carefully as if afraid he may break it.

“Well, that certainly is a new one,” Hutch laughed softly and let out a breath he didn’t even know was holding. “You can say you like it, buddy” he supplied helpfully.

“Like it?!” Starsky exclaimed incredulously at Hutch’s choice of words. “Hutch you know I’ve been day-dreamin’ about that thing ever since I saw it! I never expected–you kept repeatin’ it was a waste of money…”

“Yeah, but I’ve changed my mind.” Hutch saw the bewildered expression on Starsky’s face and added, “You see, I am just *so* happy you are here so I could *waste* some money on you, Starsk. This,” He gestured towards the camera, “is just a small way to say thank you for staying alive, for not leaving me…” Hutch’s voice wavered at his last words but his eyes were so full of happiness and…love that Starsky found it hard to breathe past the lump in his throat. He left the camera aside and moved closer to his partner, putting his arm on Hutch’s shoulder and squeezing gently.

“I could never leave you, partner. It just ain’t possible.”

Hutch raised his hand in the air tentatively petting Starsky’s cheek. “I came so close losing you forever Starsk…I just want you to know that *no matter* what I say or how *stupid* I act sometimes, I *love* you and I always will.”

It wasn’t the three little words that left Starsky feeling light-headed, his pulse as if he’d run a marathon. God knows they’d said them before and even more frequently in the last couple of months. It was the voice they’d been said in. And the eyes…Those eyes weren’t saying ‘I love you buddy and I’m ready to give my life for you,’ no, or at least not only that, they were saying ‘I’m in love with you’; but he had to be sure. His eyes sparkling and feeling his chest tied into a knot, Starsky took the blond head in both his hands and slowly kissed him on the forehead. “Love me like that?” He asked breathlessly as his mouth traveled down Hutch’s face for another kiss, this time on his right cheek. The beautiful blue eyes studied him carefully and Starsky couldn’t make out whether Hutch was breathing at all. “Or like that?” He whispered his lips inches apart from his final target. Now or never. Not losing the precious eye contact with his partner, Starsky tilted his head slowly, giving Hutch the opportunity to move away if that was what he wanted. But his partner stayed there, his lips slightly parting and Starsky didn’t hesitate any longer, their mouths meeting at last into a tender and insecure kiss, the memory of which would stay engraved in their minds forever. Starsky allowed himself a little exploring mission as his hand slid slowly along his partner’s back, feeling the hot skin beneath the shirt and felt Hutch’s hand playing with his hair.

Their lovemaking that night, even though it was far from perfect and fairly limited, was the most extraordinary experience in both men’s life. It was tender and passionate at the same time, full of promises for the future…

 

Present days

In this very moment Starsky couldn’t hide the smile on his face even if his life depended on it. One wonderful and unobstructed month had passed since then and for once in his life Starsky was sure this was it-Hutch was his love, his happiness, his sanity, the one constant in his life and, yes, It was a scary thought…

Every time in the past when the current lady in his life decided he was just not worth the effort to stay, or lied and used him, he had Hutch to pick up the pieces. Who’s gonna do that now? And what would happen if we couldn’t make it work? Until now it had been great but God knows neither one of them had a great record when it came to women and permanent relationships. But that is different, dummy, Starsky chided himself, it is not just any woman we are talkin’ about. We’re not even talkin’ about *woman* here. *Hutch* is never gonna hurt me, not consciously.

And it wasn’t like he didn’t trust Hutch but every time he’d felt so…alive, so happy, or close to that, the Fate or whatever it was had snatched away the chair under him and the impact from the landing had usually been far too painful. He’d lived past Rosey, he’d managed to live after Terry even though the anguish and guilt were still there but Starsky knew that he couldn’t possibly live past Hutch since his partner wasn’t just a part of his heart, he *was* his heart. And I won’t have to. That’s the reason I get up every morning and go to work–to keep him safe. Long time ago it stopped being simply because of the job, as there was no question in his mind, which stood first.

Starsky’s eyes fall on the red rose lying on the empty seat next to him. And what if Hutch didn’t remember their anniversary? He would make a big fool out of himself showing up there dressed like he was going to visit his mother and find Hutch clad only in his robe. It doesn’t matter, Starsky tried to reassure himself, It’s not like we’re even havin’ that special anniversary. After all it’s been only a month not a year. But deep inside Starsky knew that it *did* matter and not because of the special dinner or the presents. He didn’t expect Hutch to buy him anything even if he remembered since his last present a month ago had cost his lover a small fortune. The thing that counted here was the gesture–to show somebody you care enough to remember. Even if he didn’t remember it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me. He shows it every day. What more do I need? The last question was left unanswered for he was already in front of Venice Place. He quickly parked the car and took the rose and the champagne with him.

*

All Hutch had time left for before his partner’s arrival was one quick shower. Thank God he had some hot water left. The blond had spent the previous two hours cooking Starsky’s favorite meals and preparing for the upcoming dinner. There was no doubt in his mind that Starsky knew what date today was.

He smiled affectionately at the thought how restless his partner had been during the whole day while Hutch for his part appeared as calm and composed as ever but deep inside planning an unforgettable evening. Today they finally finished the big drug case they’d been working for the last three weeks. They busted Williams and all his closest men with their hands right in the honey. Yup, Ladies and Gentlemen one more point for the good guys. Even Dobey was impressed and gave them the whole weekend off plus two more days.

Hutch turned off the shower and clad in his old, orange robe passed the living room in a few hurried strides and went to the wardrobe.

Starsky chose exactly that moment to knock on the front door. “Great! I wanted to surprise him with everything set,” Hutch muttered under his breath and then louder. “It’s open, Starsk. Make yourself at home. I’m coming right now.”

Starsky entered the apartment and his look fell on the robe Hutch was still wearing. Terrific, it isn’t like I didn’t expect it. He used the time while his partner was dressing and quickly went to the kitchen dumping the champagne into the nearest cupboard and was just about to dispose of the rose too when the blond appeared behind him, dazzling as ever, his hair still slightly wet from the shower. Starsky hid his hands behind his back still holding the flower and Hutch flashed him one of his most beautiful smiles taking Starsky’s mouth in his for a long kiss.

“Happy anniversary, love,” He said pulling away slightly but still holding Starsky’s face with both his hands. And the smile he saw there made him regret he’d been playing with his partner the whole day. He promised himself to make it up to Starsky by the end of the night.

“I can’t believe you remember!” Starsky’s eyes radiated with contentment as he pulled Hutch for another kiss.

“And how am I supposed to forget the happiest day of my life?” Hutch responded lovingly, enjoying the blissfulness written all over his partner’s face.

“Was that the happiest?”

“Every day spent with you is my happiest, Starsk.”

“Oh, is that so?” Starsky laughed.

“Yup, as you can see I am one very, very happy guy who intends to stay that way for the rest of his life.”

“We’re confident today.”

“Hey, what are you hiding behind your back?” Hutch asked only now noticing Starsky’s arms weren’t in their usual place.

“Why do you think I’m hidin’ anythin’?” It was Starsky’s turn now to play a bit with his partner’s patience.

“Because unless you’re holding something your hands are *always* either on my back, my hair or my ass. Now give, Gordo.”

“That true?” He played amazed. “Well, I never heard you complaining’ before,” Starsky continued, playfully.

“And you won’t. Everything mine is yours, too,” Hutch replied officiously, sneaking up to his lover.

“Good boy.” Starsky kissed the rose he was holding and then petted Hutch’s cheek with it finally giving it to him. “Happy anniversary to you, too, babe. Love ya.”

“I love you too. Thanks.” Hutch took the offered flower and smelled it briefly not wanting to sneeze all over it and spoil the mood.

“You, uh, like it?” Starsky asked, a little uncertainly.

“Of course I do, babe, why shouldn’t I?”

“I dunno…Isn’t it a bit strange to be given a rose by another man?”

“Oh, come on, Stark. Flowers are a symbol that you care about someone…Love and care are always the same, buddy, no matter if the person who you love is a man or a woman. I’ve always found it kinda strange that we buy them only for women.”

“I couldn’t imagine buying *Dobey* a rose,” Starsky countered mischievously.

“You’d better not!” Hutch smiled widely at the image that emerged in his head. “Let’s leave our Captain out of this, huh?” Hutch drew his lover closer for another kiss this time more passionate than the first. “Thank you for the rose, love.”

“If only I knew these things have that effect on you partner.” Starsky was still a little breathless from the kiss but even that didn’t stop him from leaning in for another one.

“Uh-uh, lover boy, we don’t want the dinner I’ve spent my last *two* hours on get cold, do we?”

“I don’t know, do we?” Starsky murmured seductively and trailed his hand south towards Hutch’s zip.

“Careful there, buddy. You don’t want me to think you love me only cause of the great sex,” Hutch said playfully catching Starsky’s hand before it had reached its target and raised it up to his lips for a kiss. Come with a response to that one, smart guy. And as if Starsky had read his mind he captured the blond in his arms and kissed him one more time, rubbing his body against Hutch’s provocatively. Hutch let out a low groan and gripped Starsky’s ass in his hands, his waking erection visible through the tight jeans. Finally the need for air made them break apart.

“Let’s go have dinner now,” Starsky said smugly.

“Fuck the dinner, let’s go have sex.”

“Nah, it’s my turn to play hard to get,” Starsky quipped and hurried to the table, escaping Hutch’s light slap on the butt.

“Come on, Starsk, you couldn’t just wake up a guy’s appetite and run away. It isn’t *fair*,” Hutch grumbled after him.

“Everything is *fair* in love and war, Blintz.”

“Oh yeah? And what do we got here?” Hutch challenged.

“Love, of course. Always love for you, love.” Starsky’s smile was irresistible and Hutch gave up.

“Some day, Starsky, some beautiful day real soon I’ll figure a way to stay mad at you for *more than* three minutes.”

“Yeah, yeah and until then bring your perfect, sweet, blond ass over here so we can begin with the dinner,” He made a pause to emphasize his next words, “and then move on to the dessert.”

Hutch obliged sitting on his chair and they ate quietly, teasing each other. It started with Hutch paying way too much attention to a big carrot left uncut in his salad. The blond moved it in and out of his mouth rhythmically, wicked sparkles dancing in his eyes, daring Starsky. Then it was Starsky’s turn to bite a big, red, juicy apple that *accidentally* left a little juice in the corner of his mouth, which he licked deliberately slowly with the tip of his tongue.

“You wanna bite?” Starsky offered devilishly.

“What?” Hutch wasn’t paying attention on anything except his lover’s mouth.

“I asked if you wanted a bite,” He repeated innocently the smile never leaving his face and Hutch blushed a little which encouraged Starsky to continue. “From the apple I mean, you were watching it so hungrily I thought you wanted some.”

“No, thanks, I’ll stick to my carrot.”

They both chuckled and then Starsky offered “Hey, why don’t we go to the couch and watch some TV. There’s an interesting musical program on.”

“Ok, it’s early to go in bed anyway.” Hutch stood up and went in the living room first switching on the TV and then settled comfortably in the sofa, extending his arm for his lover. Starsky didn’t lose a second and sank into the embrace, getting as close to Hutch as possible without squishing him.

“You comfy?”

Starsky felt a light kiss on his head. “Never been better,” He responded honestly. No matter who did the holding it always felt wonderful.

Two hours later Starsky was snoring softly in Hutch arms and he looked so peaceful sleeping like that that Hutch simply couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. There was something very special about this man, something almost angelic. It’s the soft skin and those long, beautiful lashes, Hutch decided. And he’s all mine. What did I do to deserve that?

His only dream now was to get older with than man nestled cozily in his arms. He remembered once he had a similar dream during the first months of his marriage with Vanessa. They used to talk about buying a house some day even having kids. But later Hutch realized it was more the prospect of having a big, fancy house she could show off with that excited Van more than actually living together in it and turning it into a home. They were *so* different. Why didn’t I see it in the beginning? We could’ve saved each other so much pointless hurt and misery.

Love wasn’t always enough to live happily ever after and that terrified Hutch so much. Life wasn’t a fairy tale where the good always won against the evil and the prince and princess loved each other till the end. It’s funny why all the fairy tales finish with marriage anyway. It’s never said what happens next, assuming that once they’ve gotten married it was going to be perfect. Well it wasn’t and my failed marriage had proven it vividly. What if Snow-white and Prince Charming understood after awhile they couldn’t stand being together–or that they’ve nothing in common and feel bored around each other. Hutch rubbed his eyes tiredly; this was getting more and more absurd with each passing minute. His eyes felled once again on the sleeping form beside him and he smiled gently, petting the curly hair.

But yet sometimes *love* was enough and it *did* wonders after all. As long as the person you love is special. Satisfied with his conclusion Hutch decided it was time to wake the Sleeping beauty. He knew Starsky wouldn’t forgive him if he let him sleep through their anniversary. It was nearly fifteen minutes away from their first kiss just a month ago and suddenly an idea came into his mind. He shifted more comfortable in the sofa, draping his arms loosely around his lover and softly started singing, stopping only for a light kiss on Starsky’s face now and then.

You know our love was meant to be

The kind of love that lasts forever

And I want you here with me

From tonight until the end of time

You should know everywhere I go

You’re always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul

By now Starsky’s eyes began to flutter open and not long after the blue orbs were watching him, devouring each word, every gentle kiss Hutch placed on his face. Starsky’s features lightened up by a sappy, tender smile, his eyes so full of love that Hutch heard his own voice tremble a bit but continued despite it.

Baby, You’re the meaning in my life

You’re the inspiration

You bring feeling to my life

You’re the inspiration

Wanna have you near me

I wanna have you hear me saying

No one needs you more than I need you

And I know, yes I know that it’s plain to see

We’re so in love when we’re together

Now I know, that I need you here with me

From tonight until the end of time

You should know, everywhere I go

You’re always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul

It was like the song’s been written for them. Yeah, that’s exactly what Starsky’s for him–his inspiration, the only one that brings feelings in his life. He saw Starsky’s eyes becoming brighter and brighter with each word and was surprised to feel the moisture in his eyes too.

You’re the meaning in my life

You’re the inspiration

You bring feeling to my life

You’re the inspiration

when you love somebody

till the end of time

when you love somebody

Always on my mind

Hutch finished the song; his voice full of emotions, evaluating Starsky’s every motion. They both stayed that way frozen in time as if under some kind of spell. In that very moment there was nothing and no one in the whole world except the two of them.

“I love you, Hutch.” Starsky was the first to break the silence. “I love you so much, babe, that sometimes it scares me to death.”

“Don’t be scared, love. As long as we’re together there isn’t anything to be afraid of. I love you too, angel.”

“Will ya love me till the end of time? Could you promise me that much, Hutch?” Starsky quoted the song, his voice very serious.

“I promise you, Starsk. It may not all be love and roses, sometimes we may hurt each other-even think we hate each other…but at the end we’ll love even more.”

Starsky moved up, capturing Hutch’s lips in his and enjoying the shiver that ran through his body. “Wanna make love to you–the whole night.”

“You’ve got it…let’s move to the bedroom,” Hutch murmured and led Starsky towards the bed.

“Hey, I gotta present for you” Starsky said in between kisses.

“You’re the best present I need, babe. The other can wait for later.” With that Hutch lay on the bed waiting for his lover. And he didn’t have to hold back any longer because soon Starsky was all over him, touching, petting, kissing every exposed part of his body. Hutch answered him with the same as both men struggled to taste more and more from the other. They undressed passionately their hands often bumping and if someone saw them he would’ve thought they haven’t made love for weeks, which couldn’t be further away from the truth.

“Stay still, beautiful. It’s my show now,” Starsky whispered, as he claimed Hutch’s mouth for another long, deep kiss. “You’re all mine and I’m gonna eat you alive.” When he had enough of Hutch mouth for now, as if that was possible, Starsky moved down kissing his way to the delicate neck and once there he started suckling harder, leaving his lover with a purple passion mark. Beneath him Hutch moaned with desire, taking hold of his ass, his hair or whatever he could reach.

“Starsk—I think someone down there…” Hutch gasped as Starsky captured his left nipple and teased it a little, just with the tip of his tongue. Then when it responded he took it in his mouth sucking harder and harder. The hot body beneath him arched with pleasure.

“Oh God, Starsk…” Hutch couldn’t seem to finish his sentences, overwhelmed by thousands of sensations, acting at once…love, lust, desire.

“Easy, love, a little patience.” Starsky released his left nipple and went after the right one as he felt Hutch’s long legs wrapping around his hips like snakes. Hutch arched into Starsky’s mouth giving away little noises of pleasure that further stimulated Starsky already erect cock. Honestly said, one of the biggest turns on for the curly-haired detective was hearing his lover cries of pleasure knowing that he was the one responsible for them.

“So good, babe,” Hutch groaned, his hands all over Starsky’s back. “I want you in me, love–now, please.”

“Just a little more, babe” Starsky responded, moving further to his final aim but still not giving up licking and kissing ” I wanna taste every part of your gorgeous body.”

“That may take time,” Hutch moaned as he felt Starsky’s tongue teasing his navel, making his body shiver under the hot mouth. He thrust his hands deeper in Starsky’s hair, biting the insides of his lips, not allowing the shout of pleasure to escape them. “Come on, Starsk…” he trailed off pleadingly. “I’m gonna come.”

“Hold on, love…I need some lube first”

“Forget the lube–I don’t want you to move.”

“You know me better than that,” Starsky responded, moving up again to claim Hutch’s mouth for another deep kiss, then stretched his arm to get the lube from the top drawer. He squeezed a generous amount of its content over his cock and fingers and spread it thoroughly.

“Turn around, babe,” Starsky directed, his voice heavy with passion and his cock throbbing with anticipation.

“Not tonight, Starsk,” Hutch purred and Starsky couldn’t resist leaning over for another kiss, covering the bigger body with his own.

“It’s gonna hurt, love, you sure?” Although his whole body was trembling with desire for this particular pose they’d never experimented with before, Starsky had to ask. Hurting Hutch wasn’t an option for him. He saw the blond head nodding.

“I want to see your eyes while we’re making love,”

Starsky studied carefully the beloved face only inches apart from his and then gave the blond one final kiss.

“If It hurts just tell me to stop, babe” Starsky whispered in Hutch’s ear and the blond nodded one more time unable to speak. “I love you” Starsky mouthed and then carefully entered Hutch’s body with one finger stretching and massaging the tight opening and with the other hand stroking Hutch’s erect cock. That brought a series of loud, pleasurable moans from the blond, which encouraged Starsky to insert a second finger. He worked patiently at relaxing Hutch as much as he could.

“Come on, beautiful, I want the real thing,” Hutch gasped, his arms full with the silk sheets. Starsky didn’t hesitate any further sensing that Hutch was on the edge and not wanting him to come before the real fun had started.

“I’m comin’ love, just relax for me.” With that Starsky positioned himself at the small opening and slowly began the penetrating, his eyes never leaving Hutch’s, looking for any sign of discomfort or pain. But all he saw there was pleasure–and trust, so much trust, which had a strange arousing effect for him. Hutch muscles clenched around Starsky cock and made him shout his name and then relaxed a little, guiding his lover deeper and deeper.

“Move inside me, Starsk. Let me feel you,” Hutch managed breathing hard.

That was all Starsky needed, his own growing hunger made him thrust harder and harder, finding that little pleasure button inside Hutch, making the blond cry his name in wild ecstasy. He felt Hutch moving with him, touching and squeezing every part of Starsky’s body he could reach and not long after that they both came together, shouting the name of the other. When he was finished, Starsky carefully withdrew his cock from the hot heaven Hutch’s body represented and lay on top of his lover, breathing hard. He felt Hutch’s arms coming around him and lazily moving up and down his spinal cord.

“You okay, darlin’?” Starsky murmured his face until then buried in Hutch’s chest, came up to meet the pair of blue eyes.

“You’re fantastic, Starsk.”

“I didn’t…” Starsky began to say but Hutch cut him off halfway.

“No, you didn’t. You couldn’t possibly hurt me,” Hutch calmed him, stroking his lover’s hair lightly. After making love with Starsky he always felt relax, satisfied and at ease with the world around him. Hutch dearly treasured those special moments right after the orgasm when all they have energy left for was to lie together, their bodies touching.

“I have to move now, baby blue,” Starsky said at last trying to sit up but Hutch tightened up his embrace.

“Why’s that?”

“‘Cause I have to clean us a little before going to sleep.”

Hutch tried to think of a way to get both of them cleaned without actually letting Starsky move but when his brain disobeyed to strain itself he gave up. “Uh, well…OK”

“Hutch, you have to let go of me first,” Starsky explained patiently but was caught off guard as Hutch rolled both of them on the other side of the bed so now he was lying on top, pinning Starsky’s body under his. Hutch claimed his mouth in a long, tender kiss, taking his time to explore properly every inch of his lover’s mouth.

“I don’t want to ever let go of you, Starsky. *Ever*, ” Hutch whispered huskily into Starsky’s ear, making his cock twitch again.

“It’s just an expression, darlin’. I don’t want you lettin’ go either,” Starsky responded lovingly and planted a light kiss on Hutch’s cheek, enjoying the softness in his lover’s features that simple gesture had brought, “but if you don’t wanna wake up tomorrow, with your beautiful blond ass stuck with the sheets you *have* to let me up,” Starsky teased and Hutch breathed out loudly finally freeing his partner beneath him.

“I’d rather be stuck with you,” He called after the figure, quickly retreating towards the bathroom.

“You already are, dummy, ‘member? For the rest of our lives so better get used to the idea.” Starsky hopped back into the bed, this time bringing a washcloth with him. He cleaned Hutch gently, noting with satisfaction the little purple marks on his neck and then placed small kisses all over his face.

“I love you” Hutch murmured, comfortably spooning around Starsky, kissing his back in turn.

“I love you, too, love. More than ever,” Starsky responded sleepily and then more alert, “you sure I didn’t hurt you?” He felt Hutch’s wild grin on his back.

“I am sure, Starsk. Sleep now, buddy” Hutch assured him, swallowing back the reply that he’d never been hurt better in his whole life. But he knew Starsky probably wouldn’t like the joke anyway. He nestled more comfortably behind Starsky and draped one of his arms around the tight waist. “‘Night,” He whispered quietly but the only reply was the soft snoring coming from the sleeping form next to him. Men, they give you the best night of your life and then roll over and go to sleep. Hutch chuckled at the thought and let his own eyes close, in his mind emerging images of Starsky and their lovemaking.

Both of them were oblivious to the man standing in his car parked outside Venice Place. Sleep tight pigeons…soon the nightmare’ll begin, he promised himself and grinned evilly at the thought of what he had prepared for both of them.

*

Starsky woke up with a start and moved into a sitting position, quickly studying the interior around him. Hutch’s apartment… Hutch’s bed… Hutch… He quickly turned around at his lover’s direction only to find his partner sleeping peacefully next to him on his stomach, the blond hair covering a bigger part of his face. Starsky relaxed a bit. It was just a bad dream, nothing else. And definitely nothing that was worth to worry about.

Slowly he relaxed back into the bed, trying very hard to recollect his dream. His mother always said that dreams had special significance and could warn you about a coming danger. But it wasn’t a *thing* or a person it was a feeling. Starsky couldn’t define it precisely–fear, anger, helplessness… That was it. That’s how he’d felt in the dream.

Frustrated, he got up from the bed and went to the nearest window. The sun was just rising above the horizon and that only reminded him how early it was. He moved his hand absent-mindedly through the tangled curls and stared at the empty street beneath him. It was their day off and instead of sleeping till noon and then making out with the gorgeous blond in his bed, he was standing there staring into nothing. Just when Starsky’d decided to forget about the whole nightmare thing and get back into the bed he heard a creaking from the mattress and then soft footsteps behind him.

“Starsk? You all right, buddy?” Hutch came up next to his lover and enveloped him in his arms from behind. Starsky relaxed significantly into his partner’s arms, feeling the strong body besides him. Nobody could harm him with Hutch being so close to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Then what’re you doing up here that early?” Hutch questioned not giving up easily. If Starsky’s long months of recovery had thought him something that was to be persistent.

“Just lookin’ at the sunshine, babe.”

“I see. My partner the romantic. What happened to the guy that had to be surgically removed from the bed during the weekend?” Hutch nestled his head between Starsky’s naked shoulder and his neck, placing a light kiss there.

“I had a little nightmare,” Starsky confessed, the warmth and aroma of Hutch’s body having a relaxing effect on him, “but I don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

Hutch opened his mouth to protest but then thought better of it and closed it soundlessly. If it were something really important Starsky would tell him in his own time and if it wasn’t then why should he upset him for nothing. “It’s really beautiful, isn’t it?” Hutch motioned towards the sun, changing the subject.

“I thought so too.” Starsky tilted his head a bit as if trying to make a decision.

“Oh, and what changed your mind?”

“I saw *you*, sunshine,” Starsky quipped as Hutch laughed out, not expecting that particular reply.

“I can hardly compete with the sun, buddy, but thanks anyway.”

Starsky turned round, facing his partner and fixed him with a steady look. “Hutch, I know in the past you’ve been hurt a lot, buddy. And many of those women made *you* believe that somehow it was *your* fault, that you were the one not good enough. And I swear in times like this–I wanna rip them apart for doin’ that to you. You’re a treasure…” Hutch looked away swallowing hard but Starsky cupped his head and turned it gently until their eyes met again, “I know it’s hard to believe but you’ve always trusted me, right? And I’m tellin’ ya, you’re the *most* beautiful, fascinatin’ and caring person I’ve ever known.”

“You’re not so bad either,” Hutch laughed out a bit forcibly but Starsky wasn’t letting go so easily.

“I’m serious, buddy. Don’t do that again cause I hate it and-and cause the next time I’d kick that wonderful and sexy ass of yours till it turns blue,” Starsky said and took Hutch’s mouth in his, putting his whole heart in that single kiss.

“Have I told you how much I love you today?” Hutch murmured, nuzzling his nose against Starsky’s.

“No, but you’ve proven it last night. Thanks for the beautiful present, I ain’t gonna forget it.”

“I won’t let you Starsky cause I plan to repeat that particular exercise *a lot* in the future. You’re very good, buddy, and I loved every second of it.” Hutch knew he was probably repeating himself but he was sure his partner needed to hear it as often as possible. It had been the same with him when they’d done it the other way around.

“I loved it too, babe. It couldn’t be described with words, Hutch– makin’ love to you, bein’ inside you and in the same time watchin’ that beautiful face of yours, that mouth, the eyes…” Starsky’s body swayed a little at the image that emerged in his head and he had to use extra will power to remove his hands from Hutch’s waist. “Now wait here patiently till I come back,” He ordered and walked away surveying the room for his jacket, which he had abandoned only God knows where. When he finally found it, casually thrown on the sofa, Starsky reached into its inner pocket and came up with a small velvet box. With quick steps he went back to Hutch and handed it to him. “That’s for you, babe. I hope you like it.”

Hutch looked at it with a mix of doubt and anticipation. It couldn’t be a ring because not long ago they’d both agreed not to wear any. It was far too risky and wasn’t worth their partnership let alone their lives. And although some day Hutch hoped he could buy Starsky and himself a pair of wedding rings and wear them openly, he still wasn’t prepared to face the whole prejudiced world out there ready to hurt them only because of their private live. “Let’s see what you’ve got me this time,” Hutch smiled and tried to sound enthusiastic despite the dark thoughts from before. He opened the box carefully examining its content. “Oh my God, Starsk, where did you get that from?” Hutch gasped in astonishment and carefully, almost fearfully, took the golden chain with an exquisite piece of jewel hanging on it out of the box, examining it with admiration. Even for Hutch’s classy background it seemed perfect-made with taste and great dexterity. But what impressed and touched him most was the small jewel on the chain, which represented the sign of eternity. When Starsky didn’t answer him right away he looked up only to find his lover absorbing Hutch’s reactions. “Starsk, where did you get it?” Hutch repeated stunned, the surprise from his anniversary gift still hadn’t worn off.

Starsky seemed to snap out of his daze and his expression grew serious. “I’ve been meanin’ to talk with ya ’bout that…Uhm, remember the big narco bust today? Now, I really don’t think IA would notice if part of the money’s missin’ right?” Starsky questioned, giving his voice a false note of naivete and when Hutch continued staring at him blankly he let out a throaty chuckle. “I bought it, dummy. Asked Uncle Freddie to make it specially for you. He’s been workin’ on it for the last two weeks.”

Finally regaining his cool again Hutch managed to say, “But…this must have cost a small fortune! I used to wear such things back in college and I *know* how much they cost and *especially* when made by hand.”

“Yeah, but I had some saved money and Uncle Freddie owned me one anyway,” Starsky shrugged, taking Hutch’s hand in his, “So I figured since we’ve both agreed not to wear rings at least this will remind you of me.”

“Aw, Starsk, buddy, you know I don’t need anything to make me think about you. I do it *all* the time.”

“I know you do…and I realize it sounds stupid–but I guess some part of me wanted to have some kind of insurance…” Starsky trailed off. It was rare for him to show the vulnerable and not so self-confident side of himself. He felt Hutch taking his hands and bringing them to his lips for a tender kiss.

“Remember what you told me fifteen minutes ago? About that I had to trust you?” He waited until Starsky nodded and then continued. “Well, I want the same thing from you, buddy, to trust me…Yesterday I promised you *forever* and I don’t take my promises lightly. If some day I get *so* blinded and for some damn stupid reason decide to leave you–I won’t go further. Because the truth is I can’t, Starsk. It isn’t possible now–not after what we have so far, not after last night or the night before. Even if *you’re* b-begging me to leave you, to leave the things as they’re before, I don’t think I could do it. I don’t believe that I could stop l-loving you that way. It’s too late for that. It’s been too late ever since you kissed me for the first time a month ago and it’s scary–” To Hutch’s surprise Starsky simply gathered him in his arms, holding tight and…and started laughing. “I’m glad at least one of us seems to be enjoying this,” Hutch muttered and tried to pull away from Starsky’s hug but amazingly didn’t succeed…and strangely enough he felt this was the best present he’d received that day-Gunther had failed and failed miserably.

“Ain’t we a pair, huh?” Starsky managed in between breaths for air, his body still shaking with laughter. “Me–scared to death that some day you’re gonna look in the mirror and decide you deserve somethin’ better, and *you* upset ’bout not bein’ able to leave me.”

“I guess we fully deserve each other, huh? It’s going to be a long eternity.” Hutch finally chuckled, too.

“Will you wear it for me?” Starsky asked after he’d sobered enough and took the chain in his hands.

“On one condition,” Hutch answered firmly

“I’m listenin'”

“You put it on me.”

“With pleasure,” Starsky replied and carefully placed it around his lover’s neck, kissing him when he was finished.

“It’s your turn now,” Hutch said touching the shiny jewel hanging over his chest one more time and got up.

“You mean you got me a present, too?” Starsky asked incredulously, turning his head after his partner.

“It isn’t something big, Starsk. I didn’t have enough money but I couldn’t leave you with nothing, either.”

“You already gave me *everything* a man could wish for, babe,” Starsky said seriously really meaning it. But when Hutch placed a big box in front of him, Starsky’s natural curiosity won and he quickly grabbed it from the table.

Hutch grinned knowing that his partner had been sincere about the presents before but also knowing that once bought Starsky could never ignore them.

Starsky eagerly tore the wrapping and devoured its content with interest. Hutch had bought him a big family photo album, which all by itself was a lifetime project as it had places for thousands of photos. Starsky opened it breathlessly and on the inside of the cover he recognized his partner’s handwriting and read aloud. “Let’s fill it together. Love, Hutch.” Starsky looked up meeting Hutch’s eyes fully understanding the meaning the gift had. “It’s funny, you know, only ten minutes ago I could’ve sworn it wasn’t possible to love you more than that…And then you do something like that and I–I fell in love with you all over again,” Starsky managed to say, his voice shaking a little at his last words.

“You deserve it, babe, for making me the happiest man in the whole world. I haven’t been so happy since–since ever,” Hutch confessed, reaching for Starsky’s mouth in the same time as his partner did and they met half way. Their kiss quickly turned into something much more serious as the passion took over them. Of course resting on Murphy’s low the telephone chose that exact moment to ring.

“Don’t you dare,” Starsky grumbled already gotten Hutch’s boxers out of his way. “It’s our day off. You’re a married man now, sweetheart, better behave or your truly won’t be a happy man.”

“Can’t have that, can we?” Hutch retorted and continued exploring Starsky’s neck but the phone didn’t give up either until, finally, frustrated Hutch picked it up. “Hutchinson, it better be good,” he barked into the receiver.

“Hutch, Starsky with you?” Dobey asked on the other end of the line not a bit intimidated from Hutch’s temper.

“Yeah, he’s here, Captain,” Hutch answered a little taken aback from the tone of Dobey’s voice.

“I want you two here ASAP,” The older man ordered.

“But, Captain, it’s our day off! We didn’t have one the whole month–” Hutch started to complain but was mercilessly interrupted.

“I *know* that and for your information neither have I! It’s urgent. Get your asses here, now!” Dobey shouted and the line went dead.

“Yeah, sure, we’re on our way, Captain. Thanks for asking so nicely. Oh, don’t be ridiculous, it’s just our day off, who cares about these things, any more?” Hutch continued sarcastically not caring that their boss had long ago hung up and then felt a bit funny for talking to the receiver and slammed it back in its place.

“Hey, take it easy with the phone, pal. It ain’t his fault.” Starsky had already started moving around the apartment gathering his clothes. “C’mon, you know Dobey wouldn’t interrupt us if it wasn’t somethin’ vital.”

With a noisy sigh that made his feelings about the ill-timed interruption clear, Hutch followed his partner’s example and opened the wardrobe searching for a clean shirt. “How come you aren’t complaining?” Hutch wondered a bit irritably while taking out an old pair of blue jeans.

“Well, look it from that side- by the time we come back home you’re gonna be itchin’ for my touch. It’s gonna be a *long*, wild night, babe,” Starsky wriggled his eyebrows devilishly and Hutch dramatically looked up to the ceiling.

“God help us.”

They quickly took turns in taking a shower and then dressed hurriedly and only after fifteen minutes or so they were both ready to go.

“Oh, Great!” Starsky cursed, rumbling through his pockets while sitting in the driver’s seat. “I’ve forgotten my wallet and my ID. I guess we have to stop by my place.”

“Terrific, Dobey will have a fit. How could you forget it anyway?”

“M’ sorry I guess I was a bit nervous ’bout last night and didn’t think of it at all,” Starsky said apologetically starting the engine.

Feeling like a complete asshole, Hutch put his hand on Starsky’s knee, squeezing it. “I’m the one who’s to apologize, buddy. Next time I decide to play stupid about our anniversary just ignore me, OK?”

“Now that’s something I could never do.” Starsky waved a smile at him, giving Hutch to understand that he was forgiven. “*But* I may pointedly ignore a certain friend of yours next time we decide to *play* in a horizontal position.”

“Point taken,” Hutch quickly reassured his partner just in case he intended to carry out his threat

They stopped in front of Starsky’s apartment building and hurriedly got out of the car. Starsky noticed a small red Ford parked near the entrance and a beautiful woman pulling out her suitcases from the trunk.

“Hey, Hutch, could you get my wallet for me? I wanna have a couple of words with that lady over there.”

“Yeah, sure. Be right back.” Hutch immediately recognized the woman Starsky was talking about. Her name was…Alice something and she and Starsky had become pretty close for awhile just after his partner had been checked out of the hospital. But soon after that Alice had moved out, deciding to give her ex-husband another chance and they’d parted as friends with Starsky sincerely wishing her good luck. She’d moved in with her ex the next day and they hadn’t seen her ever since. Hutch unlocked the door of Starsky’s flat with his spare key and looked around trying to locate the wallet.

*

After Hutch had gone for his ID Starsky quickly approached the dark-haired woman, who was busy seeking something in her trunk not even noticing him.

“Hello, schweetheart, where’ve you been?” He said standing right behind her. But he wasn’t prepared for her reaction as she quickly turned around her hands raised in defense and eyes wild with fear. What surprised and saddened him more were the fading blue marks on her beautiful face.

“Oh for God’s sake, Dave, you should know better than that!” She relaxed significantly and smiled but the smile never quite reached her eyes. “Glad to see you again,” She added a bit uncomfortable with Starsky standing in front of her and so openly studying her face and body for further damages. He noted disgustedly that her right arm was bandaged as well.

“Alice, who did that to you?” Starsky came straight to the point not bothering with roundabouts but when he noticed her nervousness added more gently. “And don’t bother telling’ me you fell down the stairs or somethin’ like that.”

“It looks worse that it actually is, Dave–Please let it go,” She pleaded in a shaky voice unconsciously biting her lower lip.

Starsky petted her cheek lightly, trying to offer some comfort and in the same time not to do any further damages. “Look, we’re in a hurry right now but tonight when we come back me and you are goin’ to have a long talk. It’s gonna be alright, I promise. He won’t hurt you again, dear, I will see to that.” That brought a small smile on her lips and Starsky answered her with the same.

“Thanks, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” She said sincerely.

“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends’re for, right? You need any help with the luggage?”

“I’ll manage. Hutch is waiting for you,” She motioned towards the blond who’d been watching them, leaning on the car’s door and waved at him with her uninjured hand. He returned the gesture, feeling a bit guilty at the thoughts that emerged in his head when he’d exited the building and saw his lover petting her. Starsky kissed her on the cheek and hurried towards the Torino.

“Let me guess–her husband?” Hutch asked morosely as they finally drove off on their way to the station.

“She didn’t tell me but it’s gotta be him. That jerk is gonna need an ambulance when I’m finished with him,” Starsky replied through clenched teeth. From the first time he’d lain his eyes on his new neighbor he simply *knew* there was something special in Alice O’Donovan…Somehow she reminded him of Hutch-she was a strong and independent person but at the same time vulnerable and gentle. And needless to say Starsky immediately felt very over-protective towards her, kind of like his own little sister. How could anybody hurt her that way, he wondered as his hands gripped the wheel even harder and by the time they were in front of the PD his knuckles had become white. He felt Hutch’s hand on his knee and turned to meet a pair of worried blue eyes. “You going to be OK, Starsk?”

“Of course not, I could never be OK with somethin’ like that!” He snapped and punched the wall with frustration. “Look at me now I’m yellin’ at you,” Starsky shook his head, exhaling loudly and closed his eyes for a second. “Sorry, about that, babe. You didn’t deserve it.” Starsky open his eyes and looked at Hutch’s direction, silently begging for forgiveness.

“It’s all right, buddy. Come on, Dobey is waiting for us, we’ll take care of the other thing after work.” He gave his lover a little pat on his shoulder and got off the car.

“Hey.” Starsky was right behind him.

“What?”

“I love you, you know that, right?” He whispered quietly so that nobody except Hutch could hear him.

“Of course I do. It’s mutual” Hutch replied and his features relaxed into a contented smile.

Not for long though.

*

Hutch opened the door of Dobey’s office and let Starsky pass in front of him.

“What took you so long? Get in here and close the door!” Dobey wasn’t in his best mood, his whole desk covered with documentation. They both took their usual seats and waited for their Captain to begin. When that didn’t happen right off Starsky impatiently shifted into his chair.

“Well, we’re here, what seems to be the problem?” Starsky wasn’t a happy man either. No matter his calm interior from the early morning, which was more for Hutch’s sake than anything else, he wasn’t exactly thrilled from the prospect of working during their day off.

“We’ve got a dead, white woman in her early 30’s,” Dobey started directly. It was hard for him, too, so better get it over with sooner. “A patrol car found her in the park on Main Street at 5.30 this morning. She was strangled then stripped of her clothes and left lying there. On her stomach there was a ‘#1’, our guess is he made it with a pocketknife.” While talking he passed two folders to his detectives. “As you can see it appears to be a serial killer, although it’s up to you to find out for sure. But the story would hit the papers any minute so the major wants you two on it.”

Starsky opened the folder and sought for the pictures, while Hutch went through the report of the policeman who’d found the victim. Yeah, don’t put a name or a face to it, keep it professional and everything’ll be cool, Hutch thought disgusted.

“Oh, man…”The painful gasp came from the chair next to him and Hutch was at his partner’s side in a matter of seconds.

“What is it, buddy?” Hutch put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly to get his attention. Starsky face was damp with perspiration, the troubled eyes traveling all over Hutch’s features as if he could help him.

“Hutch that–that in there is Nancy,” He managed to say and his hands visibly trembled as he passed the folder to his partner.

“What?! Let me see.” Hutch went through the photos of the dead girl not that he doubted Starsky’s words for a minute but rather than to give himself some adjusting time. Her face was covered with bruises and she had changed during the years but that didn’t stop him from recognizing her immediately. He threw the folder on Dobey’s desk with some of the papers scattering but that wasn’t Hutch’s main concern right now. He moved his chair closer to Starsky and put a reassuring hand on his knee and with the other squeezed his shoulder, clearly able to see the raw pain in his partner’s eyes but not knowing what to do except to hold on tight.

“You know that girl?” Dobey directed his question towards Hutch who apparently seemed the more composed one of his detectives.

Hutch eyes never left his partner’s until Starsky nodded that at least for now he had everything under control. Only then the blond moved away the hand squeezing Starsky’s shoulder so he could face Dobey but left the one holding his knee. Starsky needed that connection and God knows he needed it, too. “Yes, she and Starsky dated nearly five years ago for about two months. Her name is Nancy…” Hutch searched his memory for her last name but Starsky was quicker.

“Rogers…Her name *was* Nancy Rogers.”

Hutch could see his partner was desperately trying to act professional and not break in front of Dobey. He applied an extra pressure to the leg he was holding and threw an encouraging smile at his direction. You’re doing great, partner, Hutch thought and it was like Starsky had read his mindbecause he tried to answer the smile.

“I am really sorry, Starsky,” Dobey offered, not knowing what else to say to his detective, “Having this in mind I’ll understand if you don’t want this case. I’ll assign it to somebody else.”

Hutch looked questionably towards his partner. “It’s up to you, Starsky. We’re gonna do as you wish.”

“I want that case, Cap.” Some of Starsky’s determination had returned, when he had an aim ahead of him, covering the pain, “I owe Nancy that much at least.”

Dobey eyed Hutch to see his reaction but the blond just nodded affirmatively. “If Starsky says he can handle it then I’m with him.”

Not really expecting anything else when those two were concerned, Dobey gathered the scattered papers and handed Hutch the folder, who in turn took it quickly not really wanting Starsky to have any contact with it. It was stupid but he wanted to keep his partner away from the pictures as long as possible. He didn’t even dare to imagine what the visit to the morgue would be like.

“Okay, the case is yours, as long as you keep it professional. Now as we have her name it’ll be easy to find her address and family.”

“C’mon we gotta go.” Suddenly Starsky was half the way to the door. “We have to talk to her parents before the story hits the papers.”

Hutch jumped from his chair, too, trying to catch up with his partner.

“Keep me informed,” Dobey shouted after them and then, sighing, he picked up the phone and dialed up his home number. In times like that it was hard to maintain the tough interior he had stuck to during the years.

*

Both men remained silent on their way down the building and to the Torino.

“You want to talk?” Hutch offered, petting his partner’s shoulder, as Starsky started the engine driving away from the parking lot.

“What’s there to talk about? She’s dead Hutch, end of story. And the only thing either of us can do right now is to inform her parents and possibly find the pervert that did that to her,” Starsky blurted out the whole sentence without stopping so he had to pause for a few deep breaths. “Not *that* it’s gonna make a *fuckin’* difference to her anyway ’cause she’s dead! You see we came to the same point from which we’ve started. *She’s* *been* *brutally* *murdered* by some psychopath who most likely didn’t even have anythin’ particular against her except maybe she had the wrong hair color or eyes!” By the end of his tirade Starsky was breathing like a tractor and he found it wiser to concentrate on the road ahead of them before he’d done something he would never forgive himself for.

“I know you hurt, babe, and so do I,” Hutch started soothingly,” but you’ve got to hang on at least till we’re finished with her parents. Then you and me’re going to take a long lunch break and go somewhere peaceful and quiet. We’ll figure it out.”

“And what if we do, huh? Will that make her get up from the morgue and carry on with her life? I *repeat* again in case you didn’t hear me the first time ’round–what fuckin’ difference will that make it the long run?!” Starsky asked frustrated.

“You don’t really think that way, buddy. You’re just upset now,” Hutch said calmly, knowing that feeling of helplessness only too well.

Starsky remained silent for a couple of minutes just looking ahead of the road until Hutch thought he wasn’t going to receive a response. “You’re right. I really don’t believe in what I said. How could I? It’s like admittin’ our whole work isn’t worth a damn. But she was *so* young, Hutch, so full of energy, remember? There was somethin’ almost childlike in her…” He trailed off unable to continue, feeling the little self-control he had fought so hard for quickly slipping away again.

“I know, babe, I feel the same way,” Hutch said with regret. Nancy was a fascinating young lady with a free spirit and an easy-going nature. She backed up Starsky 100%, helping him with Hutch while he’d been trying to overcome the depression and apathy caused by Gillian’s death. They both hadn’t let him alone, dragging him to bowling, movies, discos. Not once had she made Hutch feel like an outsider or someone who was stealing Starsky’s attention away from her, quite the opposite. Nancy always had a ready smile for him and a reassuring pat on the back now and then when he needed it. He vividly remembered the first time after Gillian when the three of them’d gone out for a dinner. Hutch had tried to participate in his partner’s unusual even for *him* cheerfulness but by the second hour of pretending everything was peachy the situation was quickly getting on Hutch’s nerves. Just then Nancy had invited him for a dance and he simply couldn’t say ‘no’ to that lady. He still remembered their conversation that night as if it had been yesterday not 5 years ago.

//”So, Dave’s been giving you a hard time about this dinner, right.”

It wasn’t a question since she knew his partner hadn’t settled down until he had extorted a sworn statement from Hutch that he would go out with them tonight. The blond detective had resisted for a long time claiming he wasn’t in the mood and all he had energy left for was to hop in bed and sleep for hours and normally Starsky would back off and leave him do just that. But it’d been almost three weeks since Gillian’s death and during all that period not even once had he gone out so this time Starsky didn’t let go that easily. He had fought mercilessly, countering each argument Hutch threw at him, and in the end had generally won with his partner finally giving up.

“Yeah, you could say that. One thing you couldn’t deny Starsky is his persistence and *that* is just a nice word for stubbornness,” Hutch said, softening his statement with a gentle smile.

They’d been dancing with Hutch’s back towards his partner but Nancy spun them around so he had a clear view of Starsky sitting in the far end of the room.

“Look at him, Hutch,” she purred in his ear. “Do you see the look on his face, how much he wants you to have some fun, to *at least* try to forget Gillian for a moment. And I *know* he’s been driving you crazy the whole night constantly bringing you in the conversation…but, please, hold on a little longer. If not for you then do it for him. Dave…he cares about you *a lot*.” An easy smile appeared on her lips, much to Hutch surprise, but then as quickly it vanished, “And he’s very worried about you, Hutch. I know you’ve got the hardest part but…let ‘im help you. Let ‘im feel useful.”

Totally stunned for a moment Hutch didn’t know what to say. He certainly hadn’t expected such statement from any girlfriend of Starsky the majority of whom simply ignored him. And he hated to admit it but until now he had taken Nancy for one of the numerous beautiful and charming but let’s say it not so intelligent ladies his partner had been dating. He regained his cool quickly and hugged her tight, whispering “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now if you don’t mind I’ll turn back to being funny and naive.” She winked at him and that earned her an honest chuckle from her dance partner.//

Hutch turned his head towards the window away from Starsky’s eyesight not wanting the other man to see his face. His partner had enough as it was. They soon reached Nancy parents’ house and Starsky parked in the alley turning off the engine.

“You ready, buddy?” Hutch asked studying his lover’s face carefully. “You know you don’t have to talk with them, Starsk. No one’ll blame you for that. I can deal with her folks and you’ll wait here in the car for me. How about that, huh?” He played with the damp curls while talking. As if that isn’t enough but it’s hot as hell, too.

“I wish I could…but I’ve to do it, Hutch,” Starsky sounded totally defeated and the blond cursed himself for letting his partner handle this case.

“No, you don’t, buddy. You *are* already doing too much taking the case. Let me handle this one for you,” Hutch pleaded with his eyes but Starsky didn’t react and simply continued staring at the other man.

“You know,” After some time he finally said with regret and petted Hutch’s cheek, “I’m doin’ it again and I promised myself I never would.”

“Doing what again?”

“I’m makin’ you worry about me…I’m sorry, babe. You know durin’ the first few weeks in the hospital–when it was kinda touch and go with me…I don’t remember most of it Hutch. But what I *do* remember was you–your face, your expression. I’ve never seen such *pain* in your eyes…such total misery–and it was all because of me.” Starsky continued stroking Hutch’s cheek not really caring that somebody might see them. “So, I promised myself that if I could help it you’re never gonna have *that* look on your face again.”

“Aw, Starsk. You know that even *you* couldn’t keep such a promise! I’ll always worry about you, dummy. I did it even before we become lovers and that’s because I care about you.”

“You don’t have to…I mean worry. I’ll be okay, as long as you’re there with me I’ll manage somehow,” Starsky promised now holding Hutch’s face in both his hands as a lifeline. “And even if I don’t, you’ll be there to pick up the pieces so still it’ll be okay.”

“I’ll always be there for you, Starsk” Hutch said at last, his eyes bright with emotions. It never stopped amazing him how much faith Starsky had in him. The total conviction in his partner’s voice that he could fix everything turned Hutch heart into a mush.

“It goes both ways. Now let’s go ’cause we’re starting to attract attention,” Starsky referred to a couple of passing women watching then suspiciously.

Hutch was the first to reach the Rogers’ house and knocked on the door. It wasn’t the richest neighborhood but the house and the garden surrounding it looked very nice and well kept. Hutch heard the quickly approaching steps then the door opened and a friendly-looking woman at the age of 60-62 appeared through it.

“How can I help you, boys?” She smiled at them and Starsky immediately recognized Nancy’s warm smile in the old woman. Apparently she had inherited it from her mother.

“Mrs. Rogers?” Starsky forced out the question.

“Yeah, that would be me.” She replied and the smile on her face made Starsky look away, swallowing hard past the big lump in his throat.

Hutch reached into his inner coat pocket and showed her his badge, continuing instead of Starsky. “Mrs. Rogers my name is Ken Hutchinson and that’s my partner Dave Starsky. We’re with the police, Ma’am, may we come in?” He asked politely.

“Yeah, sure,” She said as a few wrinkles clouded her forehead. Once inside she continued, “You’re probably here because of the robberies going around the neighborhood. I told Jerry, that’s my husband–”

“No, Mrs. Rogers, we aren’t here for that,” Hutch interrupted, not wanting to prolong that misery any longer.

“Please, call me Ann. I feel so old when somebody calls me that way,” she said sweetly but when she noticed the grim faces of the two detectives sighed, “OK, tell my why’re you here then?”

“Ann, there isn’t an easy way to say it…” Starsky began but this time he was interrupted by her.

“Did something happen to Jerry or Nancy?” She asked, her voice rising a bit and giving a way to the panic.

“We’re sorry Ma’am but we found you daughter’s body this morning.”

“NO! You couldn’t be serious. I-I talked with her last night. She was fine!!! You’ve made a mistake.” The old woman threw herself at Starsky, at first hitting his chest with her small fists, which unnerved Hutch and he was ready to interfere, but then her body went limp in his partner’s arms as she suddenly started crying helplessly.

“It wasn’t a mistake, don’t I wish it was,” Starsky whispered to the inconsolable woman not knowing what else to do. How did you comfort a woman who’d just lost her only child? He let her pour her grief for as long as she needed, his eyes locked with Hutch’s over her head.

After some time the sobs slowly died away and she pulled from Starsky’s embrace. “How did it happen? I want to know everything. Was s-she in some kind of accident?” Ann asked, her body still shaking from the shock as she sought for a handkerchief in her pockets. Hutch offered Mrs. Rogers his own and she accepted it with a small nod.

“She was murdered, Ann. We believe it’s a serial killer,” Hutch said as softly as possible but her eyes quickly filled up again.

“Murdered? By a serial killer?” She echoed “But why? She hasn’t done anything to anybody. My Nancy, she’s such a good girl.” Mrs. Rogers burst into tears again and Starsky felt on the very edge of joining her.

“Believe me, we know that Ma’am,” Starsky carried on. “I don’t know if she’s mentioned me before but we dated five years ago. My name’s David, David Starsky.”

“David? Yeah, I remember now. She was quite fond of you,” She replied trying to get hold of the tears, rolling down her cheeks.

“I cared about her too, Ma’am. She’s very special for me and my partner.” Starsky offered a comforting hand and she took it squeezing it hard.

“Nancy’s told she had a great fun dating you.” She remembered as her eyes shone again with tears the past memories had brought. “I even thought it was serious and asked her to invite you over dinner.”

“Really? She never told me.”

“Nancy said she cared about you…but your heart’d been taken. She said she didn’t have a chance against that kind of love.” She turned around to face Hutch. “She’s never been mad at you, Ken. My poor girl didn’t hate anybody, it just wasn’t in her nature.”

Starsky looked at Hutch and saw that his partner was equally shocked. There’d been something in the air even then, the way they looked at each other, the occasional touches they freely exchanged–Nancy had seen and understood something that took Starsky and Hutch whole five years to realize and accept.

“Your daughter was a very bright lady, Ma’am. And I know it seems a small consolation but we’re going to catch this guy. I promise you,” Hutch offered hoping to bring some peace to the old woman.

“I want to see her. Can I see her, please?”

“Sure, just give us a call when you and your husband…are ready. We’re gonna go with you if we’re at the station then.” Starsky wrote their number on a piece of paper and handed it to Mrs. Rogers.

“Oh, God, how am I going to tell Jerry!? They were so close…She’s still his little girl.”

“We can stay and tell him, too.” Hutch offered and looked towards Starsky who just nodded.

“No, he has a weak heart, I’ll tell him somehow,” Ann replied weakly. “You go and do your work, boys. I want to see the eyes of the man who did that to my daughter.”

“We’ll do that, Ma’am,” Hutch said as they both started towards the door.

“Just one more question, Ann,” Starsky stopped at the veranda and looked at Mrs. Rogers. “Can you tell us if Nancy had problems with somebody in the near past?”

“Maybe at work or with her boyfriend. Did she date somebody at the moment?” Hutch supplied.

“I-I don’t think so. We’re very close…I would’ve known if she had problems. Uh, she dates a very nice boy, Patrick Wilson. They met over a year ago.”

“Can you give us his address?” Starsky asked, knowing he was grabbing at straws but it wouldn’t be the first time somebody had been killed by a crazy lover.

“Yeah…sure but I don’t think he has anything to do with…” She didn’t have the strength to finish up the sentence and dictated his name and address to Starsky. When they were done Mrs. Rogers raised her head and looked directly at him. “Did she suffer before she died? Did that man hurt her, r-rape my little girl?”

In that very moment Starsky felt that had it been needed he would’ve personally lied to give the wretched mother at least some peace of mind.

But Hutch outstripped him. “No, Ann, he didn’t rape her. Nancy–Nancy’s been strangled. It happened very quickly and she was dead even before she felt a thing.” Nobody, except Nancy, knew for sure what she felt during the moment he’d put his hands over her throat and her last breath but Hutch considered it fairly possible she didn’t even realize what was happening at that time. “The thing is…he marked her on her stomach with ‘#1’ but that was after…after he killed her,” Hutch said knowing there was no point in lying because they would see their daughter in the morgue.

During his explanation Mrs. Rogers’s body remained slack and lifeless and the only sign she was listening to and comprehending Hutch’s words were the tightening of her delicate hands into fists. Past the phase of the hysterical crying now, her eyes were glassy and unfocused.

“You gonna be–“ Of course she ain’t gonna be alright, Starsky chided himself. “You gonna manage here till your husband arrives?” He approached her again since she looked ready to drop on the ground any minute.

“Yeah, I think so. Thank you for coming personally, Dave, Ken…And sorry if I was out of line before.”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” Starsky shook his head, finding it impossible and simply not right to deny their relationship in a moment like that. He flashed a loving smile towards Hutch that left no room for doubts he had somehow *not* understood what she meant.

“I’m glad. Nancy would’ve been very happy too,” She replied non-judgmentally and petted Starsky’s cheek briefly.

“We’ll keep you informed,” Starsky promised. “Please, give us a call ’bout the service.”

The old lady nodded unable to say anything more and slowly closed the door of the house and this time locked it.

Hutch put his hand around Starsky’s waist, the gesture reminding him of other, equally hard for his partner time, and felt a hand embracing his lower back, too, as both of them walked towards the car.

“Still hanging in there?” Hutch asked using his free hand to rub his forehead tiredly.

“I’m fine. Not so sure ’bout the lady we’ve just left though. Life *sucks*, man.” Starsky said as he got in the Torino and slammed the door hard.

Involuntarily, Hutch winced from the sharp noise but followed his partner into the car not saying anything. He picked up the radio and asked for a check on Patrick Wilson, Nancy’s boyfriend. It never hurt to be prepared.

“I mean just think about it,” Starsky continued after his partner had finished. “You give birth to a child–a fantastic little girl, you take care of her every day. Her Pa shows her how to ride a pony or–or takes her to movies, concerts…Her Ma teaches `er how to dance, to cook–Nancy, she was a fantastic cook, you know?” Starsky snorted bitterly, remembering a time in his apartment when she’d surprised him and Hutch with a special dinner.

“Yeah, I remember,” Hutch replied not getting any deeper. He knew Starsky needed to get it off his chest and all he could do was listen.

“And then there comes the first day at school, the first love, then the years go by so quickly and it’s her graduation, she finds a job, has a nice boyfriend…And then just like that two cops show up at your door and BAM, sorry Ma’am but your only daughter is dead. Some psycho got depressed and strangled her, no big deal, happens all the time. Have a nice day!”

“I think it’s better to steer the car, Starsk.” Hutch’s calm voice lacked any panic but nevertheless had its effect on the other man.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Starsky relaxed visibly and looked at Hutch. “What’s the point, huh? Life is so relative. *Everything* can happen and *nothing* depends on you. How could you live like that? How could *we* live like that? To be afraid every minute of every day that tomorrow, the next week or month–you won’t be here. I don’t wanna live like that, Hutch…I couldn’t face the possibility you won’t be around–”

“So basically you’re telling me there’s no point in *us* unless I somehow *guarantee* you I’ll never die on you! That’s ridiculous, Starsky, and you know it!” Hutch blurted at once and immediately regretted it as he witnessed the shudder that passed through his partner’s body.

“I didn’t mean that,” Starsky managed to say through clenched teeth.

“I know, babe, I was way off line. Sorry,” Hutch sighed, “But you’re going to get crazy thinking like that, Starsk. There *is* no guarantee in love and life’s rubbed our faces in it plenty of times. You think it’s easy for me? Waking up every day next to you, feeling so good, so damn happy and thinking that just *one* wrong move on the street today could take it all away? Did that make me a little shaky? Sure, sometimes when you’re sleeping in my arms after we’ve made love,” Hutch paused, his eyes resting on Starsky’s face and a loving smile appeared on his lips, “I just lay there, feeling your warm body against mine…and suddenly I find myself thinking ‘Please, God, don’t take him away from me’. Starsk, I’ve spent whole *hours* like that, afraid to move, afraid even to close my eyes, just watching you sleep…And, *I* *know* how paralyzing that fear can be but will that make me give up what we’ve got? I don’t think so, it would be stupid…” He trailed off and then chuckled. “And we all know who’s the brains of this duo, right?”

Hutch’s attempt to lighten up the mood succeeded since the well-known line actually brought a little snort from the driving seat. “I’m not so sure myself about the last part, Blintz.”

“Well, I’ve managed to make the most adorable man in the whole world fall in love with me, how about that, hot shot?” Hutch smiled triumphantly, daring his partner to deny it.

“It certainly tells us a lot about your sex-appeal, Blondie, *not* your intelligence.”

“Oh, so you’re keeping me just for my sexy and extremely well-kept body?” Hutch asked, the total picture of innocence.

“That along with your amazing modesty did the trick,” Starsky quipped and then added more seriously. “I wish I had the words to tell you how much I love you, Hutch, but that just ain’t possible.”

“You don’t need to tell me anything, love. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. You were never good at hiding things from me and that isn’t an exception.”

“Now I wish we were somewhere more private so I would *show* you how that god-like body of yours should be worshiped,” Starsky murmured in a voice that sent shivers to Hutch’s whole body.

“Is that a promise?”

“Consider it a warning.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Hutch grinned but quickly chased away those thoughts from his mind as he felt a stir in his jeans “Now, will you tell me where we are going?” When they had gone out of the Rogers’ house Starsky had simply stormed into the car and drove away.

“Sorry, I guess I wasn’t thinkin’ at the time.”

“It’s no big deal, love, happens to you all the time,” Hutch teased him, trying to keep the light conversation as long as possible.

“Do you remember that *warning* from a minute ago? Well, you better watch your mouth or I might reconsider it,” Starsky added sweetly and then reached into his jeans pocket to take out the little brown book he had written the address.

“I’ve always wondered how you manage to shove anything in there, Starsk” Hutch motioned towards his partner’s tight jeans, “It barely has room for you.”

“I didn’t hear you complainin’ before?”

“Well, before I liked seeing your beautiful, well-shaped ass bouncing up and down when you mov”And now you don’t?” Starsky asked, throwing a quick glance at Hutch.

“Of course I do but now I *had* an access to it. Its kind of mine, no point the other people seeing it too.”

“A bit possessive today, aren’t we,” Starsky chuckled while trying to find where he had written the address of Nancy’s boyfriend.

“That’s my middle name, babe,” Hutch smiled in turn.

“Funny, I thought it was Richardson.”

“I change it.”

“Since when?”

“Since I fell in love with you.”

Starsky glanced at him one more time. “Does it really bother you me dressin’ up like that?” He asked and Hutch shook his head, laughing.

“I was only kidding, Starsk. You look beautiful, no point trying to hide it. That’s it *as long as* the others just look.

“You’re the only one I want to touch me, Blondie.”

“Ditto, partner”

“Here it’s: Patrick Wilson, 55, Lane Street,” Starsky announced at last and shove the brown book back into his pocket. “Its just 15 minutes away from here. Haven’t been wrong, drivin’ in that direction after all,” He concluded.

“It’s a rich neighborhood,” Hutch observed casually, “The man must’ve a lot of money if he could afford a house there.”

“He or his family. He couldn’t be more than 30-35 himself if he’s dated Nancy. And you *couldn’t* afford such house at that age no matter how hard you’ve been workin’.”

“Yeah, a rich spoiled kid who’d received everything on a silver plate suddenly goes crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time,” Hutch thought aloud.

“You ever regretted you didn’t stay back in Duluth?” Starsky asked matter-of-factly after a several minutes’d passed by.

“Where did *that* come from?” Hutch asked softly, taken aback from the unexpected question.

“I dunno, you could’ve been a successful lawyer or a doctor, have a big house, a lot of mates looking after you…” Starsky trailed off.

“I’ve never dreamt of having all these things in the first place, Starsky. I *had* them as a kid and they didn’t bring me a lot of happiness back then.” Hutch shook his head as some unwelcome memories form his childhood emerged and he turned his face away from Starsky’s line of vision.

“I’m sorry, babe, it *was* a stupid question.” Starsky tore his hand away from the wheel and patted Hutch’s thigh. “I guess sometimes I get to thinkin’ I’m somehow pullin’ you back–you could do a lot more *safer* and better-paid job than bein’ a cop.”

“But I like *being* a cop! And more importantly I *like* being your partner. You’re the one that makes me feel happy…complete–not some fancy house *and* *certainly* *not* my father’s money. And you didn’t even have to try hard, I mean just sitting here next to you or being in the same room with you makes me feel good.”

They both fell silent for few moments. “I’m ashamed,” Starsky finally spoke up really feeling that way for even bringing up the subject. “As ashamed as when Ma caught me in my room with a bunch of porno magazines.”

Hutch laugh out, not expecting to hear that kind of confession from his partner. “I don’t want to imagine what your highly moral *Jewish* mother did.”

“You don’t wanna imagine? *I* was the one grounded for two whole weeks!” Starsky blushed slightly at the memory of his mother bursting into the room only to find the 13-year-old Davey going through a porn magazine. He’d claimed it was purely academic since they had been studying the human body in Biology but that hadn’t gone down with Rachel Starsky. “Sorry…I know your family isn’t among the things you’re itchin’ to talk about.”

“It wasn’t that bad, Starsk…maybe kind of sad and–I guess when grandpa died I felt real *lonely*.” Hutch’s voice sounded distant and impartial , quite distant and impartial for Starsky to believe in its sincerity. They were just several miles away from Wilson’s house but Starsky made a sharp turn into the nearest abandon alley abruptly switching off the engine.

“Hey, why–”

“I thought you can use a hug and *frankly* so can I,” Starsky admitted, shifting towards his unsuspecting partner and pulled him in his arms, holding tight, as if it was the most natural thing to do, even in an abandoned alley. But Hutch didn’t complain, quite the opposite, he snuggled deeper into the welcoming embrace, absorbing the love and care.

“Just what I needed,” He murmured with satisfaction, enjoying the sound of Starsky’s rhythmic heart-beat. “I wanted to be that close to you ever since we left Dobey’s office this morning.” Hutch relaxed further not moving an inch but felt the need to ask, “Am I squishing you?”

“Don’t move, babe, you’re just fine where you’re.” Starsky bent a little, planting a soft kiss on Hutch’s golden hair. “In fact you feel great–smell great, too.”

“Yeah, sure,” Hutch snorted, the sound muffled from Starsky’s shirt, “I’m hot and sweaty and the weather is getting worse with each passing minute. I sure *smell* fantastic.”

“I just know you’re real *hot*, Blintz. As for the other I swear you smell great.”

“What can I say, I’ve heard love is blind but that it suffers from sinusitis, too, that’s something new for me,” Hutch replied, enjoying their little banter but in the same time he wanted to get over that interrogation as soon as possible. “We’ve got to move,” He murmured with distaste and pulled away.

“Anyone ever told you, you’re a party-pooper?” Starsky grumbled as he started the engine again and got them out of the alley.

“Yeah, a grumpy man, who complains all the time.”

“Hey, don’t be so hard on y’self.”

“Wasn’t *me* I was referring to.”

*

Starsky parked the Torino in front of the big family estate, his mouth hanging open.

“Wow”

“Yeah, a ‘wow’ for me too, partner.”

“Hutch, how do you dress for a house like that?” Starsky asked as they approached the front door.

“Don’t ask me. As far as I’m concerned that here is twice bigger than my parents’ house back home. And I thought *it* was really something,” Hutch said and pressed the bell, expecting the butler to appear any second. But when he didn’t he pressed the button again, this time not taking his finger off of it a bit longer.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” A rich baritone came from the inside and a few seconds later the door opened revealing a good-looking man, probably in his early thirties. Dressed in a T-shirt and an old pair of cut off jeans, he looked a lot more like the paper-boy than the head of the house. It took some time for the dull eyes to focus on Starsky and Hutch, and when they did, they seemed empty.

“Patrick Wilson?” Hutch asked.

“Yes. Detectives Starsky and Hutchinson I assume?” His voice was rough with pain.

“That’s right. You’ve been expecting us, Mr. Wilson?” Hutch asked raising his eyebrow questionably.

“Oh, for God’s sake, cut the crap, will ya! Ann called me when you left. She…wanted me to learn it form her.” He rubbed his already messy hair back and forth.

“May we come in?” Hutch asked and for a moment Patrick just stared at him like he was speaking in Chinese not plain English.

“Mr. Wilson, my partner just asked you if we may talk inside?” Starsky repeated the question one more time.

“Uh…yeah, sure, come in. Sorry, I-I feel kinda dizzy…” He trailed off and visibly tried to compose himself.

“We understand Mr. Wilson, it’s OK,” Starsky replied. He’s either a hell of an actor or he really cared about Nancy, he thought, studying the younger man in front of him.

“We want to ask you a couple of questions if you feel up to it?”

“I don’t think I’ll *ever* be up to that, Detective. I guess now’ll be as good as anytime…or as bad as, I don’t know,” He snorted sarcastically. “And it’s Patrick. Mr. Wilson was my father and he’s dead. It’s really ironic, you know, Nancy…she was the only person I’ve got left.”

“Why don’t we all sit down? Come on Patrick, let’s have a seat.” Hutch stirred him towards the coffee table surrounded by a sofa and two armchairs. I know what you’re feeling, kid, only too well, Hutch glanced towards his partner and caught Starsky looking back at him with knowing eyes. Always been able to read me like an open book right, buddy? Hutch thought as he sank into the comfortable soda in front of the younger man. The suspect, He chided himself , get that in your head, Hutchinson. You couldn’t allow yourself feeling any sympathy. He’s not you and Nancy’s *definitely* not Starsky. Your partner’s alive and breathing, you didn’t lose him.

.Starsky chose exactly that moment to sit next to him, his leg reassuringly touching Hutch’s under the table.

“Well, Patrick, tell us where were you around 5 o’clock this morning?” Starsky began.

“Where else, upstairs in the bedroom.”

“Alone?”

“Of course, I was alone! What kind of question is that?” He snapped.

“So, there’s no one that can confirm it?”

“No.”

“And do you have any idea what was Miss. Rogers doing at 5 o’clock in the morning in the park?

“Yeah…She called me yesterday, told me she has a lot of work to catch up with. She was probably going home.”

“Tell us what were your relations with her?” Starsky continued.

“Do we have to–” Patrick started irritably.

“Sure we do! We’ve got a dead body in the morgue and you, pal, have a file *this* thick.” Starsky illustrated with his fingers.

“Starsky.” Hutch put a restraining hand on his shoulder “Cool it. And you, please, answer my partner’s question.”

“You checked me out? You think I’m capable of *murdering* anyone, let alone Nancy! That’s ridiculous!”

“What we think doesn’t matter, Mr. Wilson. And sure we checked you up, what else did you expect? It’s a *standard* procedure,” Hutch explained in a cool voice. “Now, I know it’s hard for you and all you want right now is to be left alone. But we’re just doing our job and it’s to find who did that to Nancy *and* why. So, better cooperate with us.”

“Sorry,” He scowled, “It’s just so…so unexpected. One minute I’m making a lunch for her the next the phone rings and my whole world turns upside down.” He took a deep breath and then another one until he felt his voice was stable enough to continue. “Nancy and me, we’ve been together for over one year now. I guess she’s the only woman who put up with me that long.”

“Are you hard to put up with?” Starsky interjected, scratching something in his notepaper. The line didn’t have the desired effect since Patrick remained passive.

“Yeah, I guess you can say that. You read my file, Starsky. I’ve done some pretty stupid things in the past. Contrary to the common belief being rich is *not* always a good thing. Looking back, I guess I was just trying to attract some attention,” He released another snort, “or piss off the old man, you chose it.”

Hutch looked away. There was a time when he’d tried using the same techniques on his own father without much success, either. He felt a hand creeping under the table, resting on his knee and flashed Starsky a reassuring smile. ‘Everything is going to be okay as long as you’re here with me’, wasn’t that what you’ve told me? Well, It goes both ways, buddy.

“Nancy’s changed it all,” Patrick continued, staring at his hands, oblivious to anything happening in front of him. “She just walked into my life one day without any warning and put an end to everything– showed me it wasn’t necessary to steal a car or to brake into a shop to be loved. And she *loved* me. Not my money, not that house…She passed right through my defenses, all of them…and there’re plenty of them.” His eyes filled with tears and he brushed them away angrily, dropping his head in his palms.

“I know…only too well,” Hutch muttered under his breath and glanced at Starsky, who obviously had heard him for he mouthed a quick ‘love you’ in Hutch’s direction and tightened his grip over the knee he’d been holding.

“Patrick, do you know anybody who might’ve done such a thing?” Starsky asked, his tone much more gentle now. Patrick shook his head unable to speak.

“Think real good, don’t hurry. It might be somethin’ little, somethin’ that didn’t make an impression back then,” Starsky supplied, desperately needing anything to keep them going.

“I don’t know…I couldn’t think of anything…She–she was wonderful, there was so much love in her, she gave it freely to anyone…”

“What about her job? Did she have any problems there?” Hutch asked.

“She works…She *worked* for ‘McAlester and Son’ as a secretary. That’s a new lawyers’ firm at–”

“Yeah, we know it. Did she have any problems there?”

“Nothing serious, really, or I would’ve taken care of it myself.”

“It didn’t matter. Tell us,” Hutch urged, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Her boss, Mr. McAlester *offered* her to *deepen* their relationship, the old bastard. Nancy told him she was seeing someone permanently and that he would have her resignation on his desk till the end of the day. He assured her it wasn’t necessary, that he understood and wanted her to continue working for him.”

“When was that?”

“I guess over a month ago. I was so pissed off when she first told me I was ready to beat the shit out of him but Nancy stopped me.”

“Did he try again?” Starsky questioned.

“She hasn’t told me…but I don’t think she’d have even if he had. She’d rather quit without too much of a fuss.” He rubbed the back of his neck with frustration. “You think he could’ve something with it?” His voice raised in disbelief.

“We’re not saying that,” Hutch said patiently, “In this stage of the investigation everybody is a *suspect*, Patrick.”

“I don’t believe this!” He got up abruptly and started pacing around the room “I should’ve made her quit the stupid job when she first told me! God knows we didn’t need the money!”

“Don’t do this to yourself. First of all it’s not likely that her death had anything to do with her job. And second,” Hutch came closer to him, “You couldn’t hold her locked away from the world, she wouldn’t’ve put up with it anyway. And even if she *did* for awhile she would’ve been unhappy, Patrick.”

“But she would be alive!”

“Sometimes to really love somebody means to let them free to choose what they want. And *I* know how hard it might be,” Starsky finally spoke, just now fully realizing what must have cost Hutch to let him again on the streets. He had the power to make him quit the job once and forever. Just one word from his partner and it would’ve been over and both of them knew it. But he didn’t and if it was possible Starsky felt he loved him even more for that.

“You’ve got more questions?” Wilson managed his back still at them. “Because otherwise I want to be left alone.”

Hutch looked towards Starsky who shook his head. “No, that’s all for now. Thank you for your time and…I know that won’t help but we’re sorry about Nancy,” Hutch said sincerely.

Instead of a reply Patrick turned around, facing them again. “I want to know who *did* that to us, Detective,” He fixed Starsky with his steady brown eyes, “and I want to know it fast.”

“Count on that,” Starsky replied seriously. There was nothing either he or Hutch could say to ease the pain and Starsky knew it. “Don’t walk us, we’ll find our way to the door.”

“Hey, Starsky.”

“Yeah?” Both Starsky and Hutch turned back.

“Nancy was still very fond of the bowling,” Patrick said trembling and his eyes filled with tears.

“She was, huh?” Starsky’s own voice wavered a bit at the memory.

“Yeah, l-liked the noise…” The choked reply was followed by a shaky inhale as the man curled on the floor, sobbing.

“We’re sorry…” Hutch whispered and stirred Starsky away from that view, giving the suffering man the desired privacy. “Come on, buddy, move. Nothing we can do here.”

They walked to the car in silence, neither of them having the energy and desire to talk.

“Where to now?” Starsky mumbled once both of them were in the car.

“To the station, call some of her friends, colleagues and definitely that Mr. McAlester. There’s nothing more we can do today…or whenever without clues.

Starsky drove off without further comments knowing Hutch was right–there wasn’t anything more to do today. Except maybe one thing and Starsky wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Can I do it? Walk down the stairs, lift the blanket and examine what was left from the once energetic woman. Just the thought of it made him sick inside. When Helen had died Hutch hadn’t let Starsky anywhere near the body. Now it was different since his partner cared for Nancy, too. He felt a pair of sky blue eyes studying him intensely and managed a small smile towards Hutch.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” He answered the unspoken question, “just a little sad I guess.”

“It’s never easy, Starsk. Losing a loved one always hurts and we’re the people to deliver the bad news. And this time it’s a person we both cared about. It’s normal to feel depressed.”

“How do you manage, Hutch?” Starsky questioned with a quiet curiosity.

Because I have to be strong for you, Hutch thought but knew this wouldn’t bring any consolation to his partner and may even make him feel worse. “Well, think about it that way, Starsky. Would it be better to never have met her? It definitely wouldn’t *hurt* that much now–but on the whole the pain, the helplessness…that anger you feel right now will go away. But all those special memories–the way she made you feel back then, how caring and beautiful she was…they’ll stay with you. All the people that loved Nancy will carry a small part of her with them. That way she’d never really die.”

Yeah, there would always be a place in his heart for Nancy Rogers, the warm and charming lady who had help him and *Hutch* during one of the hardest times in their lives, Starsky thought and looked towards Hutch, his eyes softening. “You always know how to make it sound better, don’t you, sweetheart?”

Hutch sighed and stretched his left arm on the back of Starsky’s seat, brushing over the soft curls in the process. “I have a lot of practice, babe. You’ve been hurt so *damn* many times… Sometimes even by me.”

It took a few moments for Starsky to reply but when he did his voice came out steady and convinced. “When you take pleasure from deliberately hurtin’ someone *that* ain’t love…it’s somethin’ ugly and sick. But when you care ’bout a person so strongly…certain things said or done in the heat of the moment tend to cut deeper. As you said in the morning love doesn’t always run smooth…How many times have *I* said somethin’ nasty, somethin’ I *knew* would get to you? Yeah, you’ve got your moments, too, but make no mistake, Hutch-you ain’t not the only one that can bite. But you’ve never *really* hurt me. *Never*.”

Hutch knew there was no point arguing with his partner because when it came to him he was way to forgiving. “I love you,” he said at last, looking affectionately towards his lover, “and I really like it when you bite.”

“You do, huh?” Starsky chuckled at his own choice of words. “Well, in that case you’re gonna love what I’ve got planned for you tonight.”

“Oh, really? Some kind of game?”

“A game? Yep, I guess you can call it that way if you want, a *game* of patience. ‘Cause you see, when we come back home I intend to taste *every* part of your gorgeous body. And the key word here is *every*,” Starsky said seriously, glancing at his partner. “Hey, close your mouth, babe. It just reminds me of what I can put in there.”

Hutch immediately did so, the white cheeks turning slightly red and Starsky grinned widely. “I love it when you blush,” He announced proudly as if he had just accomplished something unachievable.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Gordo. It’s because of the heat,” Hutch responded indignantly turning his flushed face towards the window.

“Oh, man, nothing gets my motor goin’ faster than a blond with a temper. I’m gonna–”

“Jesus Christ, Starsky! I don’t wanna report in Dobey’s office with a hard on!”

“Oh, Ok, I got it. There’s no point getting’ nervous. All you gotta do is say no,” Starsky tried to imitate a hurt expression but the little trembling corner of his lip gave him away. “I mean if you don’t want me to lick–”

“Not a word, Starsky! Or the next thing *I* am going to do is zip off my jeans and come all over your seat.” Hutch warned with his best threatening voice, wondering why didn’t Starsky seem at least a little bit intimidated by it.

“We’re here. I’d love for you to carry out your threat in the middle of the police garage. Just hold on for a minute till I get some pop corn and invite some of the guys for the show,” Starsky said quietly and patted Hutch’s left shoulder while getting off the car “Come on, let’s go.”

Hutch hurried after him and casually positioned his arm around Starsky’s lower back. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something ever since we’ve met back in the Academy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. As a child…do you remember falling on your head or something like that?” Hutch asked curiously.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“That would’ve at least explained your weird sense of humor, you clown!” Hutch slapped him lightly on the back of his head.

*

The following several hours had been spent over talking with Dobey, summarizing everything they’d got till then, which wasn’t much, and then they’d started calling some of Nancy’s closest friends. So far nothing. When Hutch tried to contact Mr. McAlester, his very helpful secretary informed him that her boss was still in New York, where he had spent the last 3 days. They had nothing.

“Yes, Colleen, thank you very much. If you remember anythin’ else call us,” Starsky said politely but then slammed the receiver with full force, starting the other occupants in the room.

Hutch was just coming in carrying two cups of coffee. “Here, partner, drink it and ease up, OK?” He bent over to the sitting man giving him the coffee.

“Hutch, we’ve got nothin’! One big fat zero the whole day and you want me to take it easy?!”

“I agree. But I don’t see how slamming the receiver and biting everybody’s head off is going to change that fact!” Hutch shouted back at him. His headache became stronger with each tick of the clock and Starsky behaving like a caged animal, snapping around at everybody, including him, was quickly getting on his nerves.

“And you playin’ a fuckin’ waiter is goin’ to help exactly how?!” Starsky yelled and grabbed the cup of coffee, hurling it in the trashcan behind his seat.

The door of their Captain’s office opened with vigor. “Starsky, in here, NOW!” Dobey’s considerable figure took the better part of the doorframe but Starsky managed get past him somehow. Hutch started towards the office, too, but Dobey stilled him with a raised hand. “I said only Starsky!” With that he turned around and slammed the door loudly leaving Hutch behind.

“Ok, Starsky, take a seat,” Dobey ordered, walking pass his detective to his desk and sitting himself.

“I prefer standin’, Sir,” Starsky replied but the glare Dobey threw at him then held no arguments. He sighed, shaking his head at his own stupid behavior, and dropped into the offered chair. “You wanted to talk to me, Cap,” He added much more humble this time.

“Look, Starsky, I’m going to ask you the same question as this morning. Can you handle the case? And this time think real good before answering me!”

Starsky shifted in the chair, pinning Dobey with an intense look. “Of course I can. My job is to handle homicides or did you suddenly forget?”

“So that’s nothing but a *case* for you? You’re personally involved with the victim, Starsky! I shouldn’t have allowed you to have it in the first place.”

“With all due respect, *Sir*, with whom I’ve been personally involved is none of your business.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, Starsky!” Dobey waived a warning finger at him. “It’s *my* business when one of my men is behaving like a maniac, snapping at everybody for everything!” He shouted, realizing he was in fact the one doing all the yelling now for Starsky had bent his head, staring at the floor. For a few seconds the only sound that could be heart was the ticking of the clock on Dobey’s desk.

“I’m really sorry, Cap,” Starsky finally mumbled his head still bent, “the next time I lose hold of my nerves, I’ll *personally* ask you to get me off that case.”

Dobey remained silent for awhile, estimating Starsky’s words. “Yeah, OK. But I’m not the one you’ve got to apologize,” He finally grumbled out, gathering a few sheets from his desk and heading for the door. “You may use my office, I’m done for today,” He said over his shoulder.

“Thank you, Captain. Will you please tell Hutch to come here?” Starsky asked hopefully. Right now he didn’t want to face any of the guys out there.

“Sure, Starsky. Want to bring you some coffee while I’m at it?” Dobey got out of the office closing the door behind him. “Get in there, Hutchinson,” he addressed the blond detective who sat in his usual place, trying to look busy.

“Yes, Sir,” Hutch nearly jumped from his seat not needing a second invitation.

“Hey, did you go to the morgue?” Dobey asked on his way to the door.

“Uh, not yet,” Hutch faltered. He didn’t want to get into that right now, especially in front of the whole squad room. Fortunately the Captain wasn’t in the mood, either.

“What’re you waiting for? Check it out on your way home. Tomorrow morning we’ll give her to the parents,” Dobey ordered and with a couple of big strides finally left the room.

After a murmured ‘yes, Sir’, Hutch lost no more time and headed for the office. He opened the door carefully not sure whether he was welcomed but when he received no response from Starsky, Hutch stepped in and locked it from the inside. Slowly approached his sitting partner and kneeling in front of him, he cupped Starsky’s hand but still got no reaction from his partner who’d trusted thrust his chin deep into his chest, not making an eye-contact with Hutch.

“I love you, Starsk,” The soft-spoken words were the first thing that came in Hutch’s mind and he uttered them without even thinking twice. “Please, look at me, babe. *Pleease*,” He continued and this time received the desired effect as Starsky slowly lifted his head and looked at Hutch.

“Hi, there,” He smiled as their eyes finally met.

“You mad at me?” Starsky managed, in that moment terribly resembling the picture of a child who’d done something wrong.

“Of course not, sweetheart.” Hutch patted his cheek gently and then feeling that wasn’t enough drew Starsky closer to him, mentally congratulating himself for locking the door on his way in.

“You gotta be,” Starsky sounded totally miserable but greedily absorbed the offered comfort. “I’m *so* sorry, Hutch. I don’t deserve you bein’ so nice to me.”

“Hey, what’s all that fuss about, huh? You haven’t done anything that couldn’t be repaired with a couple of ‘sorry guys’ and a new cup,” Hutch tried to joke but Starsky just hid his face deeper in the embrace and the blond held him tighter.

“You know what I mean. Sorry, ’bout yellin’ at you and–and behavin’ like *such* a jerk when all you wanted to do was *help* me. I, I wonder why haven’t you dumped me yet? ”

“You’re great in bed,” Hutch quipped and kissed Starsky’s head lovingly. “Oh, come on babe, lighten up! It’s not like you’ve beaten me to death in some dark alley–You were just tensed, anxious…hurt…you needed to let go, to release some of that negative energy,” Hutch continued, drawing soothing circles on Starsky’s back and swayed them a little. Starsky was snuggled against him, his arms tightly around his lover’s back and Hutch had the feeling that if Starsky applied a little more pressure he would be walking flat for a long, long time. His legs weren’t in the best shape, either but Hutch’d rather bare with them for awhile than denying Starsky the comfort he needed. He placed another light kiss on top of the curly hair and added, “And I’m kinda mad at me for getting into it too. Just couldn’t hold up my tongue…So, you see, I yelled at you, too. Please, let’s just forget about it, huh? I’m not mad at you.”

“Y’were, I saw it back there in your eyes. They were sparklin’,” Starsky countered his head still buried in Hutch’s shirt but the voice this time was much more lighter and Hutch relaxed significantly.

“Nobody could push my buttons faster than you, Starsky, that’s for sure,” Hutch teased and Starsky finally gave in and laughed out. In Hutch’s eyes that was a small won battle and now all he had to do was to win the war as well.

Starsky finally looked up meeting Hutch’s eyes. “I’m sorry, real sorry, will you forgive me, Hutch? I don’t know what got into me.”

“Ok, babe, if you need a forgiveness you’ll get one. But you have to work for it,” Hutch replied and moved a little further from Starsky. He wanted to have a better access to the dark blue eyes while they talked about that. Starsky suddenly felt naked and exposed without Hutch’s arms securely wrapped around him like a blanket but didn’t protest. He noticed Hutch’s tortured expression as he climbed in the chair next to him.

“How’s your back?”

“Don’t bother, it was killing me for the last 10 minutes but now I don’t even feel it,” Hutch joked knowing he couldn’t mislead Starsky so the fastest way to go on was to acknowledge the obvious.

“Sorry about that, too” Starsky murmured and Hutch let out a deep sigh.

“Stop apologizing, Starsky, and tell me what’s really this all about? I think I know the answer, buddy, but I want to hear it from you.” Hutch captured Starsky’s hands in his, needing himself to feel close to his lover.

Starsky was silent a bit longer and Hutch waited for him patiently, rubbing his thumbs along Starsky’s hands. “I guess I’m…a little nervous about going to the morgue and seein’ Nancy’s body all…beaten up and marked.” The blue orbs were now directly staring into Hutch’s and he clearly saw the anguish there. “I don’t know if I could do it without getting’ sick, Hutch…”

“Aw, babe, don’t you worry your beautiful head over this. I’ll do it…there’s no need for you to go in there too. It’s just a *formality* anyway since it’s all in the report Dobey gave us.”

“I couldn’t hide behind your back durin’ the whole case.”

“Hey, that’s not fair and you know it. Starsky, we’ve been working together the entire day! And you’re terribly wrong, buddy, if you think you can hide how much it cost you talking with Mrs. Rogers!” For a moment Hutch let go of his partner’s hands to rub his forehead, realizing this conversation wasn’t helping his headache at all. Capturing them again, he continued in a much softer voice, “Look, Don’t push yourself so hard, partner. You’re doing fine…everyone in your place wouldn’t want anything to do with that case but *you* took it and except for one little outburst you’re handling it great.”

Starsky looked at him skeptically, “Yellin’ at you in front of the whole precinct is not my idea of handlin’ it great, babe. In fact yellin’ at you *anywhere* is not acceptable. Maybe I should give up the whole thing–it’s not worth me snappin’ at you like that…Nancy’s *dead* and no matter how hard I try I couldn’t bring her back.”

“Do whatever feels right for you, Starsk. Leave the case, give it to somebody else, continue working on it–it’s fine by me as long as *that’s* what you want.” Hutch lifted the hands he was still holding and took his time in kissing every inch of them. He had to admit, even only to himself, that the idea of his partner staying away from that case seemed very attractive to him. But knowing Starsky if he didn’t deal with it now it would probably bother him in the future so Hutch decided to leave it up to him.

“I wanna find out who did that to her, Hutch. I, I owe it to Nancy, to her family, to Patrick–” Starsky sighed, looking at Hutch with eyes that were pleading for understanding.

“Then that’s what we’re gonna do, buddy,” Hutch flashed Starsky one of his special smiles, caressing his face lovingly. Starsky still looked wretched and Hutch’s chest tightened painfully. “Hey, look what I’ve got for you,” He said cheerfully trusting his hand into his jacket pocket and producing from there one of his partner’s favorite candies. “Sweets for my sweetheart.”

“Terrific,” Starsky reach for it trying his best to imitate enthusiasm.

“No way, partner,” Hutch pulled it quickly away, tilting his head playfully, “first I want to see one of those Starsky’s brilliant wide smiles all the ladies’re so crazy about. Come on do it for me,” Hutch pleaded with his eyes, knowing fully well his partner couldn’t resist it when he did that but deciding to play dirty anyway. Starsky smiled a bit at the cute image his lover represented right then and the corners of the lips lifted up a bit much to Hutch’s satisfaction.

“Hmm, not bad for a start. Here you can have a bite.” Hutch tore the shiny wrapping and broke off a bar from the candy, feeding it to Starsky’s mouth himself. Starsky hesitated at first but then took it in, *accidentally* licking Hutch’s fingers on their way out of his mouth. “Now, that’s my boy,” Hutch whispered and moved his face only inches apart from Starsky’s feeling his lover’s hot breath, caressing his face.

“I love you, babe. I really do love you,” Starsky said softly his voice so sincere and heartbreaking that Hutch felt his own chest tightening. Yeah, you really do love me, babe. God help us both. He couldn’t resist and arched his head a bit, bringing their mouths in one. That was all Starsky waited for as he give his whole heart into that single kiss that left Hutch breathless and a little light-headed. I should let him throw cups every day, was the last coherent thought Hutch had before fully giving up to the wonderful sensation that quickly spread all over his body. When they finally broke off for air there was a big, goofy smile plastered all over Starsky’s face and Hutch’s lips stretched into a grin, too.

“Thank you,” Hutch finally managed still recovering from the lack of air.

“For what?” Asked Starsky, the smile never leaving his face.

“For that beautiful smile, babe. It reaches your eyes and makes them shine like two stars. That’s what they’re–two stars in the sky,” Hutch answered wistfully, staring at Starsky with so much open love and admiration.

“Sweet talker,” Starsky laughed at Hutch’s play with words, looking away slightly. And only 30 minutes ago you were yelling at him, calling him a fucking waiter, thought Starsky ashamed.

“Starsk…”

“Yeah, babe, what is it?” Starsky turned his head towards Hutch, giving him his full attention.

“Whatever you’re thinking right now…just don’t, OK? Don’t turn that into something bigger than it actually was. I love you and I always will no matter what you do. Starsk, you know that, right? ”

“Yeah, I know it,” Starsky answered and got up from the chair to take a cup of water. “I also know that you’re the most wonderful, gentle and forgivin’ man in the whole world and the fact that you love me unconditionally doesn’t give me the right to throw it in your face just ’cause I know you’ll take it.”

“Then make it up to me,” Hutch purred still in the chair and casually spread his long legs a little further apart. He knew there was no point in trying to convince Starsky to let go of all that unnecessary guilt and that eventually it would go away.

“Have something special in mind?” Starsky joined in the game, moving closer to Hutch and flashed him a devilish smile.

Hutch broke off another piece from the now almost melted candy bar he’d been still holding and put it in his mouth. “Mmmm…it tastes great,” He murmured with satisfaction as if the fifty cents candy was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. Hutch’s deep voice had its usual effect on Starsky as he felt his cock stirring.

“Oh, c’mon, babe, don’t do this to me. Not here.”

“Sorry, was I doing something to you?” Hutch asked the total picture of innocence. The only quick and efficient way to erase the smug smile off Hutch face was to kiss him and that was exactly what Starsky did. He captured Hutch’s mouth in his, his tongue hungrily exploring the hot abyss, enjoying Hutch’s low moan of passion and Starsky felt his partner’s arms coming up and sliding into his hear pushing him further towards the blond. His mouth tasted fantastic–pure Hutch combined with melt chocolate…and just a hint of coffee. Starsky quickly chased away the thought of the coffee determined not to spoil the mood again.

The urgent need for air finally made Hutch pull back, breathing hard, their looks meeting again and he could clearly read the burning passion in Starsky’s eyes. The last one tilted his head again for another kiss.

“Stop it, Starsk…”

“What is it, babe?”

“Look around you. Did that plate over there on the desk remind you of something?”

“The one saying ‘Captain Dobey’?”

“The same. Starsky, if you kiss me one more time–there would be no stopping me. I’d have to throw you on that desk and have my wicked way with you right in the middle of the office with a bunch of cops on the other way of the door.”

“I think I’m getting’ an erection.”

“You’re one sick man David Starsky, you know that?” Hutch teased lightly shaking his head dramatically.

“Love is the most dangerous illness, Blintz. And I’m afraid I’m so totally in love with you that it couldn’t be cured.”

“I don’t *ever* want it to be cured,” Hutch replied.

*

Hutch parked the car outside Starsky’s apartment building and turned off the engine. He rubbed his temples tiredly with one hand, the headache now taking entirely new dimensions. Event the aspirins Hutch’d been crunching the whole day like candies hadn’t helped him a lot. He turned his gaze over the restlessly sleeping form next to him, glad that at least Starsky had managed to doze off.

When they had left Dobey’s office almost an hour ago without any further protest Starsky had headed for the car and Hutch was grateful at least for that. He’d sprinted towards the morgue quickly, not wanting to make Starsky wait any longer than necessary. Knowing his partner so well, he would come looking for him if he was late and that was the last thing Hutch wanted from him. But once he’d turned up the corner and the door of the morgue appeared in front of him, Hutch had stopped abruptly as if just now realizing what was coming. Slowing down his pace considerably, he had taken a deep breath and walked past the door, fearing what he might see.

And the picture hadn’t been easy to take. Nancy natural beauty had been thoroughly and shamelessly spoilt with the numerous ugly blue marks left from the severe beating. In that moment Hutch had been extremely grateful his partner had left in the car, waiting for him. He quickly covered the body and left the room hastily, feeling a little sick himself thankful at least he didn’t have any lunch. And if he’d been a little greenish around the edges when he joined his lover in the car, Starsky didn’t say a thing, just climbed in the passenger’s seat, handling Hutch the keys to the Torino. That was exactly what the blond had needed–to concentrate on something else besides the painful images of Nancy’s dead body and driving was a good solution.

Hutch sighed heavily, the events of the day finally catching up with him. He looked at his watch-it was 18.20, too early to go to bed even in a day like this and eating being one of the least things he had desire of after seeing Nancy’s body. Deciding it was time to wake Starsky he put his hand on his partner’s shoulder and shook him lightly.

“C’mon, buddy, time to rise and shine.”

“Hutch…” Starsky mumbled still not fully awake.

“Yeah, babe, right here. We arrived.”

“I must’ve dozed off,” Starsky acknowledged, running a hand up and down through the thick dark curls.

“It’s been a hell of a day for you, buddy. Pretty normal to fell asleep.”

“Yeah, let’s go up.” Starsky got out of the car, stretching like a cat and then moved his stiff neck left and right until he heard the pop. Hutch hurried in front of him, blocking the entrance with his body.

“Hey, what’s that for? Move up, Hutch, I gotta use the john.”

“Not before you get rid of all the bad things you’re not,” Hutch said with determination.

“Huh? What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It means that you should leave outside all the worries, fears and pains piled up during the day. You can take them back tomorrow on our way to work but for now they’ll stay here.”

Starsky smiled, finally catching up what was that all about. “You sure it’s gonna work?”

“Absolutely. Grandma taught me that trick and I used it every time I visited her…She used to say ‘Ken, honey, as long as you’re here you have to leave all the bad things at the door. I want no sad faces around my farm, boy’.” Hutch chuckled at the memory, shaking his head a bit. “I know it’s kind of stupid but it always worked for me back then.”

Starsky’s chest tightened instantly but he forced a smile at Hutch’s direction. You weren’t supposed to have bad things happen to you, babe. You should’ve been one happy, little kid, enjoying everything your parents could’ve offered you; not a child that’d grown up a way too soon, Starsky thought with regret. “I’m sure it’d work for me too,” He finally replied with conviction and made a great show out of relaxing and then vibrating from head to toe as if to chase away the bad energy.

“Clown,” Hutch accused gently, grinning wildly at Starsky’s performance.

Everything for you, love. If me jumping on one leg in front of my apartment is gonna make you smile, then so be it, Starsky concluded, casually putting a hand on Hutch’s shoulder and stirring him into the building.

The moment they’re both in and the door behind them was locked, Hutch felt two strong hands, embracing him from behind and Starsky’s head rested in the concave between his shoulder blades.

“I wanted to be with you like that the *whole* day,” Starsky murmured, placing light kisses on Hutch’s back where his head rested.

“Me too, partner. Let me have a shower and we can–”

“Forget the shower, I want you now.”

“Starsk, we’ve got the whole night ahead of us. I’m not going to be long, promise.” Hutch took his morning-gown, which had its special place in Starsky’s closet ever since they’d become lovers and headed for the bathroom.

“Spoilsport,” Starsky snorted after him but then quickly reconsidered as the image of his lover coming from the bathroom in nothing but his robe, smelling of soup emerged in his head. Some people were worth waiting for and Hutch was definitely among them.

Hutch finished his shower quickly, not really finding much pleasure in it without his lover there with him. They had gotten used to doing almost everything together, finding more and more new ways to demonstrate their love to each other.

Clad only in his robe, he took one last look in the mirror and entered the living room.

“Starsk do you know where…What?” Hutch didn’t finish his sentence as he caught Starsky staring almost hypnotically at him.

Not blinking at all, Starsky tilted his head slightly and whispered quietly, “You look so beautiful, babe. So young again…When I saw you comin’ out of the bathroom–it was as if we’re back in the Academy.”

“You make me that way, Starsk.” Hutch drew him closer, his hands finding their way to Starsky’s well-shaped ass. “I feel so damn happy and alive…Thank you for giving me that, sweetheart, for bringing the l-light again. Thank you for loving me so much…”

“Loving you is the easiest thing in the whole world, babe. No thanks are necessary.” Starsky held Hutch’s face in his hands and kiss him, enthusiastically, feeling the pressure returned. “Be right back,” He promised and ran towards the bathroom, with Hutch rich laughter filling the air. Nearly ten minutes later Starsky stormed back into the room with a towel around his waist, curls dripping with water only to find Hutch already spread all over the bed–naked. Hutch had dropped the curtains and the room was slightly dim.

“Hey, shut your mouth, babe, you’re drooling all over the floor,” Hutch teased, enjoying the reversed situation very much. “Will you come or I’d have to start the party alone?” Hutch licked seductively his index finger and trailed it along his neck down to the chest, stopping at his nipples and teasing them a bit.

That was enough to send Starsky into action as he took the distance from the bathroom to the bed in a couple of strides, hungrily claiming Hutch’s mouth for a passionate kiss. The rough need took Hutch aback for a few seconds but he quickly recovered burying his hands in the thick curls, pulling them a little. That earned him a low groan from Starsky and Hutch felt his cock filling.

“You remember that promise?” Hutch managed.

“Oh, Yeah…”

“We’re not doing it tonight.”

“We ain’t?” Starsky sounded disappointed and Hutch hurried to reassure him.

“We are but I’m gonna taste every part of you, partner.” With that Hutch roll them over, pinning Starsky under him and then proceeded down towards his neck, licking and suckling the tender flesh there. After some time he left his current entertainment just for awhile and directed his mouth to Starsky’s ear, biting lightly and then sliding his tongue in it.

“Oh, God…Hutch…so good, babe,” Starsky groaned, unable to concentrate long enough to come up with something more original. He felt his now fully erect cock stirring with anticipation. Further antagonizing Starsky and himself, Hutch rubbed their cocks together.

“I’m gonna come…” Starsky muttered amazed that only such little contact with his partner could do this to him.

“Do it love, I can get you up again,” Hutch purred in his ear and without any further comments he went down on him, first teasing the tender flesh with the tip of his tongue and then engulfing Starsky’s cock into his mouth. Starsky gasped from the contact, grabbing handfuls of Hutch’s hair and thrust himself further into the ready mouth letting Hutch’s eager tongue do his magic. The suckling become more and more intense with each passing second as the two lovers moved in a perfect unison until Starsky couldn’t hold any more and with one last shout emptied himself in Hutch’s mouth. The blond hungrily swallowed the bitter fluid, nearly choking himself in the process as he refused to let even a drop out of his mouth. He didn’t stop until he had the last one swallowed.

“Easy, love. There’s enough of that,” Starsky teased so spent that he couldn’t even chuckle at his own joke. Hutch grinned and went on top of his lover again, nestling his head on the muscled chest, giving Starsky enough time to catch his breath.

“You ready for round two?” He asked, his own cock demanding action.

“Always ready for you, schweetheart, ” Starsky’s voice dropped down to an erotic purr.

Hutch moved further up and joined their mouths again for a lazy kiss, weaving their fingers together. “Now, where’re we before someone down there decided to interrupt us?” Hutch asked playfully, taking his time to enjoy the beautiful image his lover represented beneath him. There was nothing compared to Starsky after an orgasm, his eyes becoming so soft and relaxed and that happy smile on the full lips…His cock tightened again only from the view of his partner.

“I didn’t heard’cha complainin’.” Starsky let his hand explore Hutch’s back, fondling the soft skin beneath his fingers.

“My mouth was full,” Hutch retorted, placing numerous, feather-liked kisses all over Starsky’s face. The gesture itself was so gentle and loving, lacking anything sexual, that it made Starsky’s heart tighten inside his chest. He brought his legs around Hutch’s hips, bringing Hutch closer and letting him feel the heat from his pulsing groin. Hutch moaned loudly and Starsky saw the burning desire in the blue eyes. He captured Starsky’s neck, suckling hungrily and making Starsky shiver beneath him. Their bodies, erotically moving together, touching and rubbing, set their own rhythm. Having enough of Starsky’s neck for now, Hutch moved a little down, exploring his lovers’ soft skin. He stopped at his nipples, rubbed them both with his thumbs, making them painfully hard and then captured one of them in his mouth, suckling hard.

“Hutch…” Starsky groaned, tightening his legs around the blond, making him gasp, too.

“I love you, too, babe,” Hutch whispered, guessing what his lover had wanted to say. “Take care for the other one, I’m going a little south,” He purred, moving down from Starsky’s nipple to his belly, playing with the small, curly hairs there, licking and touching. Starsky was arching and moaning beneath him, petting his hair, shoulders, arms and upper back. The pleasure was too much for his already hard cock but he didn’t give him the desired release. Hurts so good, the thought emerged in his mind as Hutch continued sliding down, kissing and tasting every inch of Starsky’s body as he had promised until he reached the cock, skipping it, and moved to the strong legs.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Blondie,” His voice sounded too weak even to his own ears and Starsky gave up to the sweet torture.

“I’m leaving the big guy for dessert,” Hutch explained on his way to Starsky’s toes, finally reaching them and biting playfully his big one.

“C’mon, babe…stop playing with me” Starsky pleaded, not even wanting to imagine what it was for Hutch, who hadn’t come the first time.

Sensing he couldn’t hold any longer, Hutch buried his face deeper in Starsky’s cock, stroking and then suckling. That was the end for both of them, with Starsky coming in his mouth for the second time that evening, holding Hutch’s shoulders and screaming his name and the blond following him. When they were both finished, Hutch used his last strengths and lied on top of Starsky, resting his head on the sweaty chest and felt a hand coming up to caress the dump hair.

“Still breathin’?” Starsky asked after awhile.

“I don’t know. Check for pulse… Oh, man, that was the best trip I’ve ever made.” Hutch giggled and Starsky joined him with a chortle.

“It was fantastic, Hutch. Love you so much.”

“Me too, love,” Hutch murmured still feeling exhausted.

“Come here, will ya? I wanna hold you.”

“Your wish is my command,” Hutch retorted and nestled his head on Starsky’s shoulder, covering them both with the blanket. They both dozed off pretty soon tired from the long day full of emotions and their recent activities.

*

“Oh, for God’s sake! Will they ever leave us alone?” Starsky groaned, refusing to open his eyes as he felt for the ringing telephone on the nightstand. Hutch moved in his arms, sleepily kissing his neck. “Stay still, babe. I’m gonna take care of the intruder.” Starsky kissed the blond hair before finally picking up the receiver prepared to send in hell anyone who’d dared bothering them. “Starsky!”

“Uh, Dave…Did I catch you in a bad moment?” Came the soft female voice from the other end of the line.

“Alice?”

“Yup, it’s me,” She replied, regaining her composure.

“Is somethin’ wrong?” Starsky asked, remembering her poor condition from the morning.

“No…nothing’s wrong…You said we’re going to have dinner together…” She trailed off, uncertainly, biting her lower lip, a gesture she had tried to get rid of in the past but without much of success. He didn’t even remember, you dummy, what were you thinking calling him?

“Oh, yes. Sorry dear, it’s been a hell of a day and it just jumped out of my mind,” Starsky explained, relaxing back into the bed next to Hutch, feeling slightly guilty he’d forgotten his promise.

“I understand…Well, maybe some other time, huh?” She said, trying to cover her disappointment and was about to slam the receiver when he heard the voice from the other end.

“No way! I could never cancel a date with a beautiful lady,” Starsky replied and Hutch felt something deep inside him squirm. He knew it didn’t mean anything, just Starsky’s usual way with women. No matter whether it was a teenager or an old lady, Starsky simple couldn’t not be gentle and charming with them, making her feel special. It was in Starsky’s blood to treat any lady with a dose of respect but it still hurt hearing his lover arranging himself. date just like the old times.

” Ok,” She tried to sound casual. “If you’re sure it won’t be any bother?”

“Absolutely. Wait for us down to the Torino let’s say…15 minutes from now?” Starsky checked his watch.

“Uh, yes, sure. Us?”

“Yeah, Hutch and me,” Starsky replied as if it was only natural to bring Hutch with him. “Will you manage?”

He’s entirely clueless, Hutch thought, irritated, poor Alice, hadn’t expected you’d be dragging me along, partner.

“Sure, I’ll be ready. See you then,” She replied and put the receiver back on its place. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Hutch. Just the opposite, he was nice and caring but she wanted to spend some time alone with David. Well, maybe some other time, she decided hurrying towards the wardrobe.

“Come on, Hutch, move that beautiful ass of yours to the bathroom. We ain’t got time.” Starsky was already up and pacing around the room looking for clean clothes.

“And why should I come too?” Hutch managed to give his voice a note of indifference and was very proud of it.

Starsky abandoned his task for a moment and turned around facing his lover. “Of course you have to come, dummy. We’re gonna spend some wonderful time together, take Alice’s mind away from that tripe husband of hers and maybe even persuade her to make it official.”

Starsky was beaming with excitement and Hutch felt momentarily guilty for trying to burst the balloon. After all even back then Starsky and Alice had been just friends not that she didn’t want anything more but how could someone blame her for wanting a part of that charming and adorable man, who was all his.

“Hey, somethin’ wrong?” Starsky finally registered the lack of any movements from the bed and approached his partner quickly, stroking the blond hair lightly.

For a few moments Hutch didn’t reply, studying the familiar features of his lover and then felt foolish. He loves you, He chided himself, only you and no one else even though I wonder why. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart, just kind of lost my mind for a bit,” Hutch replied cheerfully. “I’ll take that shower now,” He added then and hurried towards the bathroom not giving Starsky any more time for further questioning.

They were both ready pretty soon, having in mind the little kisses they’d exchanged each time they’d bumped into one another while dressing.

“Move it, Starsk. Let’s not make the lady wait for us,” Hutch insisted from the door.

“I’m comin’, just have to get my jacket.”

Hutch rolled his eyes and started walking slowly down the corridor. Not long after Starsky was next to him, dazzling as ever, wearing a pair of black jeans, red shirt and his black jacket, casually thrown over his shoulder.

“Hey.” Starsky put a hand on Hutch’s shoulder, stopping him for a moment.

“What’s it now? Did you forget something again ?” Hutch asked, not hiding his exasperation.

“No,” Starsky shook his head calmly, “but let’s take the back entrance, huh?” At Hutch bewildered look he explained. “We left something out there, remember?”

Finally it struck him and he bent his head ashamed. “Oh, yeah…Sure, babe,” Hutch replied, softer this time. If you don’t stop behaving like such an idiot I’ll personally kick your ass, Hutchinson.

“Hey, Starsk,” he said on their way to the back exit and Starsky turned towards him. “You look wonderful tonight, love.” That earned him a shy smile and Hutch caressed his lover’s cheek, not able to resist. “I love you,” He whispered on his way pass Starsky who held the door for him.

*

“So, what’s that heavy case you told me about over the phone, Dave?” Alice took a sip from her glass. The dinner had been great with the three of them chatting all the time about the movie they had gone to. She had so much fun with the guys pulling one of their usual routines, arguing all the time about the actors and the setting. And most importantly neither of them had mentioned anything about the bruises or her ex. After that they’d decided to go to a nice club near their restaurant and continue the party there.

“Uh, let’s not spoil our time with it,” Hutch quickly interfered, not wanting Starsky to think about it now. They would both have plenty of it tomorrow but at least for now he wanted to hold his partner as far away form it as possible.

“Yeah, sure…sorry I didn’t know it was that bad,” She looked uneasy towards Starsky.

“Not your fault,” Starsky reassured her. “It’s just sometimes things like that happen…innocent people get hurt and it’s ain’t their fault. They haven’t caused it…” Starsky trailed off, looking intently at her bandage and Alice kept her eyes fixed at her drink, not daring to look up.

“Come on, Alice we only want to help you,” Hutch said gently, taking pity of her. He knew from experience what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of Starsky’s special looks.

“Then forget it. It happened, Ken–Do you think it was easy for me?” She finally looked up at Hutch, her eyes full of pain and he felt his heart aching for her. He thanked the fate once again for falling in love with the most gentle and loving person he’d ever known. “I loved him–I still do…Or rather I love the man from before. When we first met…he was so different. Yesterday…he hurt me so bad…I couldn’t… ” Her deep blue eyes filled with tears and she quickly looked away. Starsky took her uninjured hand in his and squeezed it gently.

“We can take care of that twit, sweetheart. All you gotta do is-”

“You don’t understand!” She jerked her hand away from Starsky’s. “If I’ve wanted him in jail–or even beaten up, all I should’ve done was call Daddy and you know that, David.”

Her father, Martin O’Donovan, was among the finest and most powerful businessmen in Bay City.

“But you said you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

“I said I didn’t want his help…but I guess I was just, too, mad at him back then. The point is that if I wanted my husband ‘taken care of’ I could have asked Dad.”

“Then what do you want, Alice?” Hutch asked, taking a sip from his bear, feeling his headache from the afternoon returning.

“To forget…Or at least try…To carry on with my life I guess. He…he’s not dangerous…It was me. I said something I shouldn’t have and he got mad…It’s not like he’d go out and beat some other woman just like that, right?”

It was so far from right but neither of them could do anything else and Starsky knew it. He moved his gaze from Hutch to Alice and then back to Hutch who shook his head negatively. They couldn’t help if Alice didn’t want to help herself. Finally deciding to change the subject, Starsky asked if anybody wanted anything else.

“Yeah, a coffee for me, please.” Alice was grateful for the break and flashed him a tiny smile.

“A coffee for the lady. Hutch?”

Hutch scowled, not really wanting to accept that one more worthless scum will be walking freely on the streets but tried to cover his disappointment. “One for me, too.”

“Be right back,” Starsky said and got up, walking towards the bar.

“You think I’m wrong, don’t you. That I’m being…too weak?” She asked directly, once they were left alone.

Hutch shook his head sadly, taking her hand in his as Starsky had done before. “I don’t…No one can tell which is the right thing to do in a situation like this…We all know how it should be but when it’s someone we love–it hurts. And you’ve been hurt enough. I just wish we could’ve prevented it somehow.”

“Yeah, don’t we all? I don’t know Ken…if it’d been a friend of mine I would’ve told her to file charges…not let that jerk off the hook so easy…but I couldn’t do it now. Isn’t that pathetic?

“No,” Hutch shook his head and offered her a napkin, “only human.”

“The make up, huh?” She smiled and took it trying to save the remnants of her already destroyed make-up. “Can I ask you a question?” She looked mischievously at him, changing the subject, and he couldn’t hold a smile. She looked so young and beautiful.

“Sure, shoot.”

“It’s about Dave.”

“Uh…what about him?” Hutch asked even though he suspected what it was about.

“Is he seeing some special lady or something?” Alice asked casually, playing with her napkin.

Or something, Hutch thought with regret. Aside from the more uncertain part of him that regarded her as a threat, Hutch liked Alice and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She was looking for someone gentle and caring to take away the pain her husband had caused and Starsky seemed perfect for that. Lady, you sure know how to pick them.

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that…”

“No, no…I just got distracted for a moment.”

“So?”

“Uh…He doesn’t date any women if that’s what you want to know–At least he hasn’t mentioned it to me…”

“But he would have. You two are pretty close, right?”

“Yeah, we are but with this case and everything…”

“That’s not something you forget about, Ken.” Alice’s whole face lit up like a Christmas tree and Hutch had the desire, if not the physical possibility, to kick himself.” Do you think he…finds me attractive?” She asked eagerly.

I bet someone up there is having a great fucking fun, putting me in a situation like this, Hutch thought, wondering what to answer finally settled for the truth.Well, at least part of the truth.

“You’re one very beautiful lady, Alice…only a fool could not find you attractive with that golden hair and those brown eyes…And my partner–”

“Your partner what ?” Starsky came up behind him, serving them the coffee. “Come on, Alice, tell me what was he talkin’ about behind my back?”

Alice was too embarrassed and just looked pleadingly towards Hutch. “I was just saying you’re very fond of blondes.” Hutch winked at Starsky who looked at him with bemusement.

“Ain’t that the truth?” He gave Hutch a sappy smile that made him flush slightly. Alice was too busy with her coffee to even notice a thing.

The night had proceeded uneventfully, or at least on the surface it seemed that way, as first Starsky and then Hutch took turns dancing with Alice. Somewhere around midnight they decided it’d been enough for the night and headed home.

*

“It’s been a great evening, thank you guys,” Alice said, getting out of the car. “No, don’t bother walking me up, I can manage on my own,” She addressed that to Starsky who was half out of the car by now.

“No problem, it’s on our way,” He replied without even thinking that Hutch wasn’t supposed to sleep at his apartment.

“But I thought you were going to drop Hutch home first?” She asked a bit puzzled. Starsky looked uneasy for a minute, not knowing what to say but Hutch answered instead of him.

“He don’t trust me with his precious baby and anyway after a day like this I don’t want him to drive that late,” Hutch lied smoothly.

“I see. OK, then, that means I would’ve two nice gentlemen escorting me to my door. Ain’t I lucky?” She retorted and headed for the door with Starsky and Hutch closely behind her.

*

“Oh man, what a night, huh?” Starsky drooped on the bed, too tired to even fold his own clothes.

“You have no idea…” Hutch snorted, unbuttoning his pants and leaving them on the floor. Clad only in his boxers he slipped into the bed next to his equally naked partner but stayed in his part not seeking any body contact.

“What do you mean?” Even half-asleep Starsky couldn’t ignore the statement and the tone it’d been said in. There was definitely something bothering Hutch and he wanted to know how, when and who so he could kick the bastard’s ass pretty good.

“You really don’t want to know,” Hutch muttered and turned around facing the wall. His behavior was nothing but stupid and Hutch knew it but the thing that’d been bugging him for the last two hours simply wouldn’t go away.

“Of course I do.” Starsky moved closer to Hutch and put his hand over the cold shoulder, making his lover turn once again and face him. “Somethin’ is botherin’ you and I definitely wanna know about it.”

Hutch sighed, not having the heart to get into that right now but there was no letting go since Starsky was now on full alert. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut and everything would’ve been fine. “I think Alice is starting to fall in love with you,” He muttered at last, watching how even in the dark the blue orbs widened in surprise.

“What?!” Starsky gasped out loudly. “Hutch that’s ridiculous!”

“Well, apparently she doesn’t think so, buddy, ” Hutch grunted out. It wasn’t enough that he had to play the best buddy routine the whole night while Alice was questioning him and now this. A part of him realized he was acting childish and that it wasn’t Starsky’s fault but he couldn’t help it but get irritated from his partner’s total ignorance.

“Sorry, babe. It’s just that you took me by surprise.” Starsky’s arm crept over Hutch’s waist, rubbing the soft skin there and trying to sooth the blonde’s rising temper. Hutch relaxed significantly, some of the tension leaving the stiff body as he accepted the caress. “C’mon tell me why do you think Alice…has certain feelings towards me?”

Hutch moved closer to his lover once again, not losing the touch and stared at the clear blue eyes for a moment. He could get lost into their debts so easily.

“Well?” Starsky urged him, moving his hand up and down over Hutch’s smooth back.

“Remember when you went to get us coffee–right after we talked about her husband?” Hutch waited for Starsky’s nod and then continued in a leveled voice, “She asked me if you were seeing someone special?”

“She did?” Starsky’s hand froze halfway Hutch’s back.

“Yeah.”

“What did ya tell her?” Starsky asked after a beat.

“I told her you weren’t seeing any special lady right now.”

“Smart move, babe” He muttered, his brain still trying to assimilate the thought of Alice feeling that kind of love for him. “You think she was serious? I mean–we had a few drinks, she might’ve been just kiddin’, you know–putting you on.”

“I don’t think so, Starsky. The lady wasn’t drunk. Furthermore she was nervous as hell–trying to act all casual but didn’t succeed.”

“Damn.” Starsky knew better than to question Hutch’s estimations further. If anything the job have thought both of them to read people well. “She didn’t need that now.”

“That’s why I told you. Maybe you should try to talk to her.”

“And tell her what? ‘Back off, lady, I’m in love with my partner!’ That sure will help her spirits a lot.” Starsky rubbed his face in frustration. “What should I do, Hutch? I don’t wanna hurt her.”

“I know, buddy,” Hutch said gently, all the previous irritation magically gone. “Don’t worry, love, we’ll figure something out. After all it’s not your fault you’re such a charming guy that the ladies couldn’t resist you,” Hutch teased lightly and Starsky snorted in return, snuggling even closer. “Don’t get comfy, babe. I got to get up first.”

“Why’s that?”

“I need some aspirin–my head’s killing me.” Hutch started getting up but Starsky stopped him. “You want something, too?” He asked over his shoulder.

“Nah, just get back in the bed, Blondie. I’ll fetch it for ya.”

“Starsk, it’s my head that’s giving me trouble not my legs,” Hutch acknowledged but then gratefully relaxed back under the blankets, fondling the idea to be babied for awhile.

“Humor me, okay?” Starsky responded, rushing towards the bathroom. Only three minutes later he flied back into the room with the aspirin, a glass of water and some kind of bottle.

“That was fast,” Hutch observed rising up a bit to swallow the offered pill and the water.

“I passed on red–but that’s okay with the law ’cause it was an emergency. Turn round, babe,” Starsky directed, after leaving the empty glass on the nightstand. “I’m gonna give you one of the famous Starsky’s massages that’s guaranteed to get rid of the headache.” He wriggled his fingers in the air, smiling affectionately at Hutch.

“I’ll be fine, Starsk. Just get in here with me and get some rest. It’s late.”

“Relax, Blondie. Just wanna do somethin’ nice for you. It’s OK–in fact it’s getting’ better an’ better.” Starsky poured some of the bottle’s content over his hands and rubbed them together, getting them warmed up. When he was satisfied enough, he slid his hands over the smooth back, taking handfuls of his favorite blond and began massaging gently the tensed muscles.

“Oh God…babe, that feels fantastic…” Hutch purred with pleasure, relaxing considerably under the skillful arms.

“It ain’t bad for me either,” Starsky said more than delighted at having the opportunity to concentrate on Hutch beautiful back. His gaze traveled south from the golden hair, so soft and shiny even in the dark to the long neck, then the broad shoulders and back and finally the slim waist. Pure art, Starsky thought with relish. “You’re adorable, babe,” He whispered in a daze, still rubbing carefully the light skin.

“Wha–?” Hutch, who’s been drifting away, stirred a little and opened his eyes. “You said something, buddy?”

“I said you’re adorable,” Starsky repeated with clear admiration in his voice.

For a moment Hutch didn’t know how to respond to such an open, almost child-like, comment so typical for Starsky. Murders, drugs, rapes, child abuse and God know how many others we’ve come against every day–and still here he is, tired and emotionally drained, taking care for me, telling me I’m adorable. Hutch felt really stupid as his vision blurred up a little and with a rough chuckle he forced out a reply. “I’ve been telling you that ever since we met in the Academy. A little slow to catch, aren’t we?”

“Right, but you know what they say–Better later than never,” Starsky said good-naturally, enjoying the feel of Hutch’s now warm and relaxed body under his fingers.

“Starsk?” Hutch asked in a small voice.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Promise not to get mad?”

“Why should I?” Starsky asked, sensing Hutch tensing up beneath him. “What is it Hutch?”

“I know it would p-probably sound stupid a-and…”

“Hey, nothing that’s bothering you that much could be stupid, babe.” Starsky deserted the massage and landed next to his lover. “Come on tell me all `bout it,” He urged Hutch gently, caressing the blond hair. Starsky’s gentle tone and easiness seemed to help some as Hutch finally looked at him.

“Tonight…you know in the c-club.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I was watching you dance with Alice and…”

“You were dancing with her, too. What’s the big deal?”

“You looked so happy together–so relaxed. You were laughing and dancing around the hall…and for a moment there…I don’t know–I felt as if I-I’ve been robbing you, t-taking away something…” Hutch trailed off uncertainly. “It’s just that when I saw you together–it stuck me that you’d never have the same thing with me. You could never just—walk in some bar or-or a club and dance with me…We can’t even hold hands in public.”

Not fully comprehending what that was all about, Starsky lay calmly next to Hutch, his expression unreadable and waited for his partner to get to the point.

Hutch felt that he should go on–lay it all in the open no matter what it might cost him. What it might cost them. “And then I started thinking–He could have all that if you just let him…Alice–she loves ‘im, she’s good for ‘im, she’ll make Starsky h-happy…they could even have kids. All you have to do is pull away…” Hutch closed his eyes for a moment, finding it difficult to go on. He felt a gentle hand stroking his hair, encouraging him to let it out, comforting him without any words, only with touch. He took a deep breath and continued. “But you know what Starsky? I ignored that little voice. I-I stuffed in the d-deepest, darkest corner of my mind…the truth is I can’t…NO…I don’t want to let you go!” Hutch got up abruptly from the bed, his mood changing from depressed to angry and desperate just in a matter of seconds. “And then we went back home and I-I was already feeling like the lowest scum in the whole world—and-and on top of that…” Hutch gave up a sarcastic laugh and glanced at Starsky who was still lying in the bed, looking completely stunned. “And on top of t-that–you’re so nice to me…all w-worrying and caring. You fucking thought I was adorable!!! Nobody ever told me such a thing, Starsk! Not the way you did!”

Starsky rose slowly from the bed and tried to approach Hutch.

“NO! Don’t! I don’t deserve it. Look at me! Just take ONE good look of me!” Hutch pleaded as he left off the nervous pacing around the room for awhile and faced Starsky.

Starsky did as he was told more for Hutch’s sake than anything else. He noted the trembling hands, the pale face and the messy hair. Before he could say anything Hutch interrupted him. “Don’t you see it Starsky? Don’t you see it? No, of course not! Even now you have that ‘I-love-you-no-matter-that-you’re-acting-as-a-complete-maniac’ look all over your face. I’m tired ! I’m sick of acting right…” The pacing stopped and Hutch voice started getting thinner as the fatigue took over. “I’m sick of acting the W-white Knight you admire so much, babe. I don’t want to lose you…Is that so…Is that so terrible?” He asked looking directly at Starsky letting him see the confusion and uncertainty he felt right now. He didn’t even know where all of this was coming from. One minute they were both lying in the bed, Starsky massaging him and the next he was up there, steadily heading for a total nervous break.

“Aw, babe, of course not. Please, Hutch…I wanna hold you. Can I come near?”

Hutch nodded, not finding the strength to do anything more than fall into the ready arms that took him and held him tight. Once Hutch was cuddled safely against him, Starsky spoke up, letting all his emotions clearly show up in his voice. “I love ya, darlin’. I like the White Knight…but I fell in love with Hutch…The same messy, clumsy, hot-tempered, eattin’-rabbits-food Hutch and I won’t have it any other way. The same man that’s now lying in my hands, tremblin’ like a wet puppy only ’cause he hasn’t been stupidenough to try and act all noble on me.” Starsky rocked them slightly giving his words enough time to find their way past his lover’s thick head and sink into his brain. “Come on, let’s go to bed, huh? We’re gonna be more comfortable there.” Not waiting for a response he led both of them to the bed and thoroughly covered Hutch and himself with the covers.

Without any hesitation Hutch found his way back into Starsky’s arms, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder. Starsky knew that feeling only too well–the burning need to be close, to feel protected and loved by someone. So he adjusted his body a bit, turning towards Hutch and casually slipped his own leg between his partner’s, enjoying the gasp of pleasure his movement had provoked.

“Is there any chance you’re going to ignore the last 15 minutes and just go to sleep?” Hutch asked quietly, enjoying the warmth of Starsky’s body huddled against his. All he wanted right now was to go to sleep with his lover holding him and to leave the whole terrible day behind them.

“Sorry, can’t do that…Do you believe me when I said I was in love with you?” Starsky asked seriously, looking over at Hutch.

“Starsk, I never doubted that. I know you love me. It’s–” Hutch tried to explain only to be interrupted again.

“Another question then,” Starsky continued, his gaze, not wavering an inch. “Do you honestly think I can be happier with somebody else? With some woman?”

“I…I really don’t know,” Hutch replied hoarsely and the other man sighed.

“But I do. See, that makes me the brighter one,” He teased but then his eyes turned serious again. “Hutch, you’ve been the single most important person in my life since…well, since three months after we met in the Academy. Everybody else–no matter if it’s a girlfriend, a lover or even a *wife*. can only hope for a second position. Terry came near it only ’cause somewhere deep inside she realized that for me *you* come first, *always*–and accepted it. It won’t be right to bring some lady between us…It wouldn’t be fair to deny her the first place. And it would be even more cruel to involve some innocent child in the picture, too.”

“But you wanted to have a child,” Hutch managed quietly, too moved from Starsky’s words to come up with something longer.

“Yeah, there was a time before when I wanted…or at least I thought I wanted all that–a kid, a wife,a normal life. Boy, it seems so long ago,” Starsky responded, for a moment drifting back into the past and then continued with conviction. “But now I don’t.”

“What happened?” Hutch asked quietly.

“I fell in love with my best friend,” The brunet answered softly, gently kissing Hutch’s cheek, tasting the salt a couple of tears had left there. “And I realized that the beautiful fantasy I’ve created inside my head was just a replacement–because I was so afraid to be lonely.”

“You’ll never be lonely, babe. Not while I’m here,” Hutch promised and moved closer to claim Starsky’s lips for a long, loving kiss. He hungrily devoured his mouth and in the same time let his arms explore his lover’s nearly naked body under the covers. Starsky didn’t remain passive, slipping his leg further between Hutch’s thighs as he rolled both of them, pinning Hutch under him.

“Oh, God…bossy, huh?” Hutch gasped out, rubbing his already erect cock in Starsky’s. He slipped his arms into his lover’s boxers, taking hold of the round cheeks and squeezed them, receiving a groan of pleasure from Starsky.

“How’s the head?” Starsky murmured in between kisses.

“What head?”

“Good,” Starsky responded moving south and leaving wet kisses all over Hutch’s chest and stomach on his way down to the black boxers. He didn’t feel like prolonging their lovemaking tonight and Hutch’s fully erect cock supported his decision. Efficiently getting rid of his lover’s underwear, he buried his face in the hot groin, using his tongue to drive Hutch crazy with desire.

“Starsk…” He moaned, grabbing handfuls of curly hair and putting his long legs on Starsky’s shoulders. “You’re killing me, babe.”

But Starsky was too busy playing with Hutch’s balls to muster any kind of response. The stimulation was more than Hutch felt he can handle right now and he tightened his legs a bit, giving Starsky a signal to hurry up unless he wanted to be left without a dessert. Starsky got the message and lifted his head a little, loving the look on Hutch’s face the moment he took the throbbing cock into his hot mouth. This time was no exception as Hutch’s expression was worth millions-his head thrown on one side, the eyes closed, the blond hair damp with perspiration and the mouth slightly opened whispering Starsky’s name over and over again. Starsky opened his mouth, welcoming the large cock in it and sucked it, careful to keep his teeth away from the tender skin. The little groans of pleasure that action provoked had their usual flawless effect on Starsky.

“Oh, babe…sooo goooood…” Hutch trailed off, thrusting deeper almost on impulse and then pulled slightly away cautious not to choke the other man. But Starsky didn’t let go of him–even the opposite, he started moving in an out, making Hutch follow the intense rhythm. The blond came first, his whole body trembling from the orgasm, filling Starsky’s mouth with the white liquor, which his lover swallowed hungrily. And only when Starsky was sure he had devoured the last drop of it he came, not bothering to remove his own boxers until he was finished.

They both lay totally spent in the bed, breathing heard. Starsky recovered first, propping up on an elbow and observed with amusement the big smile that slowly spread over Hutch’s lips.

“I love you,” Hutch whispered, his voice still a little breathless, lacing their fingers together. “You’re number one for me, too, sweetheart. Love you more than you can imagine.”

“That’s the only thing I’ve ever asked for, babe. To be loved that way,” Starsky managed, moving into Hutch’s arms. “You’re givin’ me all I’ve dreamt about…and so much more. Don’t you ever doubt that.”

Hutch kissed the top of the curly head. “Sleep tight, love.”

“You too, Blintz,” Starsky snuggled closer, putting an arm around his lover’s stomach and closing his eyes. Only ten minutes later his breathing became even and he slipped into a dreamless sleep.

Hutch tried to do the same but his mind wasn’t giving him any peace. He recalled the events of the day, searching what was bugging him so much, apart from the obvious. It’d been a hell of a day–first losing Nancy, then talking to her relatives, the morgue…seeing her lifeless body sprawled over the cold table. Unconsciously, Hutch tightened up his grip over his lover, who was now peacefully sleeping in his arms and sent his quiet thanks to the Heavens that at least Starsky had been spared that picture.

But there was something more…something that wasn’t adding up to the whole story. Like for example who would like to hurt Nancy. There was always a possibility for it to be a work of a serial killer or some sick guy looking for thrills…but all his instincts were screaming at hit that something wasn’t fitting.

Who and why ? That was the main issue. They still hadn’t talked personally with McAlester since he was due back home by the end of the week but somehow Hutch didn’t have the feeling Nancy’s boss had anything to do with her death. The man had too much to lose. There was no point in killing somebody just because she had turned him down. With his money and power he could easily have a quick roll in the sack without having to mess up into something so heavy even for him.

Who and why? Back to the same questions. And how much time until corpse #2 showed up too? Why did he have the feeling that there was something even more terrifying behind this case than neither of them has been prepared for? The thought sent a cold shiver down his body and he accused himself of being paranoid.

His thoughts turned back to Alice. Why did he felt threatened by her? He believed in Starsky’s feelings for him. He knew that his partner would never cheat on him. Then why? Why? Why? And why the hell not? Everybody in the past’s done it. Vanessa loved him, too…In her own way but she did. And Gillian…Hutch didn’t even wanted to go back there.

No, it wasn’t Starsky. It was him. The problem was in Hutch. Too possessive? Too insecure? Too afraid to be hurt again? None of it? All of it? So many questions without answers…and so much love. Maybe that was the problem. Love meant pain. At least in the past it had. Was he crazy giving his whole heart and soul to somebody else ? But it isn’t just somebody else…it’s Starsky. He remembered his partner’s words from before, their lovemaking and felt guilty for even thinking that way. It was just that being hurt by the people he loved had become something almost normal for Hutch. And when somebody as special as Starsky have offered him his unconditional love, have treated him as the most precious gift, somewhere deep inside him there was a little voice asking ‘where’s the catch?’. He couldn’t help it and he hated it.

As if sensing his lover’s restlessness, Starsky moved a little in his arms, murmuring something witch resembled Hutch’s name.

“I’m here, babe,” He whispered in Starsky’s nearest ear and after a few seconds of silence added, “And I love you, buddy. Please, love me back…even if I don’t deserve it.”

*

The phone. Somewhere in his fuzzy mind Starsky knew that he had to pick it up. His eyes still closed he started feeling for the receiver on his way knocking the alarm clock off his nightstand. “T’rrific,” Starsky hissed, finally getting hold of the damn thing that was making his life misery. “Starsky,” He said in the receiver, trying to pick up the alarm clock from under the bed where it had landed. 7.35 it read.

“Dave?” The voice from the other end of the line asked and Starsky immediately recognized Mrs. Rogers.

“Yeah, Ann, it’s me. What is it?”

“Sorry to be calling you so early but you said you wanted to be at the funeral and since I won’t be home–”

“It’s OK, don’t bother. We’ve gotta get up anyway,” Starsky responded, momentary biting his tongue at the mention of the ‘we’ part in the sentence. Definitely not a morning person, Starsky thought. But since Ann didn’t appear to be bothered from that little slip, Starsky continued. “Tell me when and we’ll be there.”

“14.00,” She replied.

“That’s ain’t all, right?” Starsky asked.

“Yes…I know it’s still early but do you have any–”

“No, sorry. Nothing yet. We’re doin’ the best we can, Ann…”

“I know you’re,” She said sadly. “But sometimes it’s just isn’t enough. I’ll see you in the funeral, Dave. Bye.” Her voice quivered in the end and she hurried to end up the call.

“I’m sorry,” Starsky said once again in the empty receiver and put it down with a scowl, feeling a warm hand finding its way to his shoulder. “That was Mrs. Rogers on the phone,” He started explaining to Hutch without really having to as his lover had heard everything. But talking about it made it real and Starsky knew that he had to face that reality sooner or later.

“Come here,” Hutch patted the empty space on the bed next to him. “We still have half an hour.”

“I don’t feel like sleeping.” Starsky muttered, his head bent down.

“Who said anything about sleep?”

“Sorry, babe, but I don’t feel like that either.”

Hutch rolled his eyes. “All I want is to hold you, Starsk. You know, something you do when the person you love hurts,” he explained patiently.

“Oh…OK.” Starsky slipped under the covers and right into Hutch’s arms who tightened his grip. They lay in silence for a few minutes, each one deep in thoughts.

“What’s bothering you?” Hutch finally asked.

“You mean, besides havin’ to bury a 31-year-old woman who happens to be a former girlfriend of mine?”

“Yeah, I mean besides that.”

“I don’t know, Hutch…I honestly don’t know,” Starsky sighed once again. “It’s some kind of feelin’…Like yesterday when I woke up–It sounds crazy but I felt something bad was goin’ to happen.”

“Me too,” Hutch confessed a bit uneasy that his feelings from the previous night had been confirmed by his partner as well. “It’s most likely stress. We both want to find a break in this case and do it quick. I guess the whole yesterday thing is catching up with us–making us kind of paranoid.”

“Yeah, right,” Starsky responded without too much conviction. “It’s gonna be a hell of a day.”

“We’re going to make it, partner. Maybe by the end of it we’ll feel more worn off, dirty, disgusted from the human nature…but we’re going to make it. We’ll find the person or people responsible for that murder, put them in jail or institutionalize them and pray that it would bring at least some peace to Nancy’s family. That’s the best we can do.”

“But as Ann said, our best ain’t good enough…It’s kinda scary thinkin’–one day you’re here, healthy, alive and then just like that…you’re gone.”

“We’ve been through that yesterday, love. Come on, go take a shower and I’ll make us a breakfast,” Hutch said, kissing him on the cheek and got up from the bed. The truth was he didn’t know how to ease Starsky’s fears…his fears too. The cruel game of ‘what ifs’ the Faith played with them every day was a fact. The Lady didn’t care about people’s feelings…it was enough to be on the wrong place in the wrong time and the job had proven it to them numerous times. Hutch shook his head to get rid of the dark thoughts. He knew from experience they didn’t help, and dwelling on the thousands of possibilities live threw at them every day was pointless. “Hey, leave me some hot water,” He warned Starsky as his partner disappeared behind the bathroom’s door.

“Sure, don’t I always?” Came the smug response and then Hutch could hear the water from the shower being turned on.

“Wait till you see what I’m making for breakfast, hotshot,” Hutch muttered under his breath but couldn’t hold the throaty chuckle that escaped his mouth.

*

“We have gathered here to honor the memory of our beloved sister Nancy…”

A small crowd of around 20-25 people have gathered around the black casket covered with flowers in the Bay City Cemetery, listening to the minister’s sermon. With a heavy heart Hutch watched Mrs. Rogers sobbing into her handkerchief, supported on her left side by her husband, whose eyes were also full of tears. On her right stood Patrick Wilson, his brown eyes staring somewhere in the distance. He looked totally drained from any emotions, using the last remnants of his sanity to stay in one place while the preacher talked. For a terrible moment Hutch saw in his face himself if Starsky hadn’t pulled through Gunther’s attack and that thought alone was enough to mist his eyes. He turned his look towards the still form next to him. The only movement coming from his usually restless partner was the occasional clenching and unclenching of his jaw.

“Mr. Starsky?” Hutch felt a light tap on his shoulder and turned around to see the boy from the parking lot.

“I’m Starsky,” The brunet responded before his partner can, saving the continuation of the well-worn line. Some things simply don’t change.

“Is the red car with the white stripe yours, Sir?”

“Yes, there a problem?” Starsky asked briefly, looking around and noticing that they’ve started attracting attention.

“I think someone is looking for you over the radio.”

“Ok, we’re comin’,” Starsky motioned to Hutch and both of them started towards the car. Hutch jogged to the radio first and picked it up.

“Zebra 3 three to central,” He said in the receiver while watching his partner’s slow approach.

“Zebra 3, patching you with Captain Dobey,” The voice informed.

“Starsky?” Dobey asked.

“No, Hutchinson here. What is it, Cap?”

“Is Starsky there with you?” The older man asked and Hutch threw a bewildered look towards his partner, who was getting in the driver’s seat. Starsky stared back at him and shrugged.

“Yes, he’s here in the car. Why?”

“We have another body…and a lead. Both of you get here,” Dobey said, his usual gruff voice obtaining almost a father-like tone. “You won’t like it, guys,” He said just before the line went dead.

“Great, just fucking great!” Hutch put the radio back in its usual place and slammed the door of the Torino, as Starsky started the engine and stepped on the gas pedal.

*

Dobey was waiting for them in his office as they burst through the door.

“The same pattern?” Starsky asked directly, snatching at the yellow folder that lay on Dobey’s desk, but the black man put his hands on it.

“Close the door and sit down first.” Dobey said, hardly looking at anyone of his detectives. He waited till they have taken their sits and only then lifting his head.

“Come on, Captain, what is it?” Hutch spoke out, his patience quickly wearing thin. He didn’t like it ever since Dobey had asked about Starsky in the cemetery.

“We have found another woman about an hour ago,” Dobey started with a sigh. “This time in her apartment. She was strangled–and there was a #2 on her stomach.”

“Did you…did you find any prints or hairs?” Hutch asked and the other man shook his head.

“The lab is working on it but they haven’t come up with anything else.”

“There’s something else, right Cap’n?” Starsky spoke for the first time since they’ve come into the office and Dobey looked down to the folder again.

Oh, come on, that bad? Hutch tensed with anticipation and put a reassuring hand over Starsky’s shoulder. Starsky didn’t even look up his eyes fixed on the folder.

“Dave, do you know a girl by the name of…Lora Stevens? She was a model and I believe you’ve dated her a few years ago?” Dobey asked gently even though he was sure of the answer. You simply couldn’t forget a woman that looked like Lora did. “We think…you’re the connection.”

“Oh God…” All the color drained from Starsky’s face as he connected the name with the face and started gasping for air. Hutch jumped from his chair, almost knocking it down in the process, and grabbed Dobey’s glass of water, kneeling in front of Starsky.

“Easy, easy…breath, buddy. Just breathe,” Hutch muttered over and over again as he put the glass on the floor and now was quickly unbuttoning Starsky’s shirt and getting rid of the tie. “I’m right here, Starsk,” Hutch assured him before turning towards Dobey. “Bring him something sweet, Captain. I think his blood sugar is low.”

“Yeah, right now.” Dobey was glad to be given a reason to get out of the room for awhile.

Turning his full attention on his partner again, Hutch caressed soothingly the dark hair. Starsky was now breathing easier but the almost deadly white face deprived from blood still bothered Hutch.

“Can you drink some water for me, babe?” Hutch prodded gently, taking the glass from the floor and directing it to Starsky. The other man stretched his arm to take it but his fingers were trembling so badly there was no way for him to hold it.

“I’ll do it, love. You just swallow, OK?” His partner nodded and Hutch brought it up to Starsky’s mouth, his own hand shaking a bit, pouring some of the glass’s content into the parted lips as Starsky then swallowed obediently, still not saying a word. Hutch gently took the sweaty face in his arms, making Starsky look at him.

“Come on, partner, you’re scaring me. Say something, huh?” Hutch pleaded and saw the pair of dark blue eyes finally focus on him, welling up with tears. They freely rolled down Starsky’s cheeks and Hutch quickly brushed them with his thumbs.

“Hutch…” Starsky croaked finally, his voiced full with anguish.

“I’m right here, love.” Hutch repeated, planting a few chaste kisses all over Starsky’s face.

“They’re…all dead…’cause of…me,” Starsky managed in between sobs, clutching at Hutch’s suit like a lifeline.

“Shhh. Don’t think about it. Just try to calm down. Come on…breath with me. In…and out.”

“Oh, God…WHY?!” Starsky completely broke down into Hutch’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Let it out, babe,” The blond whispered, enveloping the smaller man in his arms, holding him protectively. He moved his hand up and down the broad back, drawing soothing circles on it. “It’s not your fault, Starsk. Believe me. Even if you’re the connection between Nancy and Lora…it’s not your fault. You’ve always depended on me to tell you things straight…So, trust me on this one, buddy–It’s not your fault,” Hutch continued talking, his reassuring voice eventually calming Starsky and the sobs reduced into deep breaths and finally into silence. “Look, partner, I think Dobey is going to come in any minute. Can you pull yourself together? Or do you need some more time, huh?” Hutch murmured, kissing the top of the curly hair.

Starsky pulled away a little, shaking his head. “I’ll manage. Just…just give me some handkerchief.”

“That’s my partner.” Hutch reached into his suit and come up with a white handkerchief. He gently wiped his face still wet from the tears and then handed it to his partner to blow his nose. As if on a signal, Dobey walked back into the room, giving Starsky the candy bar.

“Sorry, didn’t have any change,” He mumbled, the excuse sounding lame even to his own ears.

Starsky just bowed his head down and quietly retreated into eating the chocolate. That was the fastest way to divert Hutch’s worried stare away from him.

“Captain, we have to check in with the prisons–see if someone has been paroled or escaped.” Hutch leaned over Dobey’s desk and quickly went through the file with the whole professionalism he was able to muster.

“Already done, Hutchinson. I know my job!” The black man grumbled but then almost immediately regretted it. He looked apologetically at Hutch, who in his turn just nodded. They were all on the edge.

“And?” Starsky asked in a controlled voice, busying himself with the wrapping from the candy. His calm interior could have successfully fooled somebody who didn’t know him but Hutch saw right through it. Every fiber in his partner’s body was writhing in agony and Hutch would gladly trade a year of his life only to find some way to ease it.

“We checked all the prisons and nothing. Nobody you’ve busted or at least no one big enough has been paroled–”

“There has to be someone, Captain.” Hutch interrupted, impatiently.

“–But then we checked the clinics and…” Dobey trailed of, looking at Starsky with regret. The dark blue eyes widened as Dobey’s words finally hit home. The mask on Starsky’s face slipped for a moment, clearly revealing the burning pain beneath it but it was Hutch who made the big spectacle.

“No…no…it couldn’t be. Not him…” Hutch stammered, searching his captain’s face for disproof but the older man just nodded.

“George Prudholm escaped the clinic 4 days ago,” Dobey confirmed Hutch’s suspicions.

“WHAT?” Hutch shouted outraged and slammed the desk with full force, startling even Starsky. The last one quickly got up and tried to restrain Hutch but there was no stopping him. “No fucking way, Captain! You want me to believe that George Prudholm…the man who killed two cops–” Another full forced blow landed on the desk, “My partner’s fiancé–” And another one even more powerful than the previous two, “Is now free! AGAIN? What kinda of morons are working there anyway?! He’s not supposed to walk in and out of the fucking clinic like it’s a hotel for Christ–”

“Enough!” Starsky stepped between his partner and the desk, preventing him from slamming it for the fourth time and probably breaking his own hand in the process. Hutch was breathing heavily, his whole body tensed up. Real smooth, Hutchinson. Go on, Starsky sure needed someone to remind him what was that sick bastard capable of doing. He looked at Starsky, feeling guilty as he saw the tortured expression.

“Sorry, buddy, I was out of line,” He apologized softly, briefly touching his forehead against Starsky’s. Then he turned towards Dobey. “Sorry, Sir…but I, I still want to know how is that possible?”

“I don’t have any answers, Hutch, or I won’t be sitting around, watching you beat the crap out of my desk.”

“He’s gotta have somebody on the inside–some guard maybe,” Starsky said, willing himself to act like a cop.

“But why? Why help him? Why risk his career? Prudholm didn’t have anything to offer him,” Dobey wondered, pouring himself another glass of water.

“That’s what we’ve got to figure out. Do you know the name of the guard who was on duty 4 days ago?” Hutch asked.

“Yeah,” Dobey replied, searching for the sheet of paper where he had written it. “Here you go: Maxwell, Barry. His record is clean and we couldn’t find any obvious relations with Prudholm.”

“Thanks, Captain. We’ll be in touch,” Hutch said, glancing at Starsky who was standing by the door, hands in pockets. “Uhm, Sir…Did you…did you inform Lora’s family?” He asked, lowering his voice.

“Her parents are dead…And she wasn’t in any serious relationship,” Dobey was obviously uneasy with the subject, trying the best he can to soften his words for Starsky’s sake. But Starsky simply continued staying near the door, his face not giving away any emotions. “Her neighbors told us she had a brother in New York. We’re still trying to locate him.”

Hutch nodded and started towards his partner but Dobey stopped them.

“One more thing…Starsky,” The older man addressed the dark-haired detective and Starsky looked up, meeting the concerned brown eyes. “I know it’s heard and…right now nobody could make it better…but I’ve got to ask you something. How did Prudholm know whom you’ve dated 4 years ago? I mean–it’s not likely someone on the street still remember…And even if they did, how did he got their addresses?”

“You’re right, Captain!” Hutch joined in and moved closer to his partner, putting a reassuring hand on Starsky’s shoulder. “Think, buddy. The last time it was easy because you’re still…dating Terry. But now–we’re talking about years. I don’t think somebody even remember either of them by face…let alone know their names.”

“I don’t know, Hutch. I-I haven’t seen them in years.”

“There’ve got to be something. Try to remember Starsk. How did he connected them with you?”

“I told ya I DON’T KNOW!” Starsky raised his voice, pulling away from his partner’s touch. Suddenly the room seemed too small for him and he felt trapped. “Do you think if I knew somethin’ I’ll be holdin’ it?!”

“Of course not! I was just trying to stir your memory,” Hutch said and then quietly added “Sorry, buddy. I-I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know. It’s OK,” Starsky replied, more calmly this time and offered Hutch a quick pat on his hand. “C’mon, Let’s move.”

“Yeah, OK.” Hutch held the door open for Starsky and with one final nod to Dobey he followed his partner out of the office.

Both detectives walked side by side to the Torino in silence with Hutch throwing an occasional worried glance in Starsky’s direction. They got in the car and drove off to the prison still not talking except for a quick exchange of directions.

“Stop it,” Starsky finally muttered as Hutch’s eyes fell on his face once again.

“Stop what?” Hutch played dump.

“Stop worryin’.”

“I will when you quit blaming yourself,” Hutch said and stretched his arm on Starsky’s seat. “We’ve had this conversation in the past so many times…Starsky, you couldn’t hold yourself responsible for some sick man’s actions. And yes, I know it sounds lame but…A-after Gunther I-I spent so many hours–just sitting next to you and thinking-I should’ve seen it coming…I’m his partner…I was supposed to look after him…Remember what you told me about that, buddy?”

“Yeah, I do,” Starsky sighed, clearly remembering their first night together when he’d grabbed Hutch and not let go of him until he’d made it clear he didn’t blame his partner and soon to be lover for anything.

“Did you really believe it?” Hutch challenged. “Or you said it to make me feel better?”

“Of course I did–still do. And I see y’r point, babe. But no matter how you twist it you couldn’t change the fact that two beautiful young ladies are dead…*brutally* murdered…just ’cause they had the bad luck to date a cop! Their lives–the lives of their families, loved once are all ruined. And I may not’ve pulled the trigger but who cares, Hutch? I know I wouldn’t if I were in their place right now!”

“And what should we do, huh? Quit the force? Wrap up in guilt? We’ve done it before and what good did it bring? Nothing! With *or* without us on the force…people are still getting murdered every fucking day! At least we could make a difference. We *help* people and that’s not something to take lightly.”

Silence reigned in the car for a few minutes while both of them though over what the other had said.

“Remember Slate?” Starsky spoke up at last, staring at the road ahead of them.

Hutch didn’t need to nod. He could never forget their fellow lieutenant who’d dedicated his whole life to the police force. The same police force that with its rotten system towards rape victims had turned him into a murderer himself. “I’m scared I’m beginnin’ to understand him more and more every day.” Starsky’s voice was barely a whisper but the blond heard him nevertheless.

“Me too, babe. Me too,” Hutch frowned, patting Starsky’s knee. “But it’ll go away. Right now you’re in pain and its understandable you want to kill that sick bastard with your bare hands. And help me, God, so do I. But I’ve got no doubt when the time comes and we’ve got him in our hands you’ll do the right thing…You see, that’s the difference between us and Slate–we may want to take the justice in our own hands but in the end we let the system deal with them.”

“And that’s why I’ve got two corpses down the morgue. If I had pulled that trigger when I had the chance–”

“Then you’d be in jail! But you didn’t do it, partner, because you knew that even though Prudholm is a total waste of oxygen–murder is always a murder…On my way to San Francisco I had this fantasy in my head…I imagined how I would burst in there, put my gun to his head…and pull the trigger. Clean and easy. There were no witnesses, I could’ve said he resisted arrest…”

“You never actually told me what happened in his estate. I haven’t asked you ’cause I didn’t wanna bring the bad memories. You wanna tell me now?” Starsky encouraged gently, studying his partner’s face for a brief moment.

“Nothing to tell really. I’ve got the burst part of the fantasy OK…”

“I could imagine. My White Knight back in action,” Starsky said proudly and actually managed a small chuckle despite the tough situation.

“Yeah, some Knight I am. I was face to face with him, Starsk…Face to face with the man responsible for my partner’s s-shooting…And I just couldn’t pull the trigger. I still had something to live for–you babe, you were alive…torn up but still breathing. It wouldn’t have mattered I-If you were…but you w-w-weren’t so instead I cuffed him up and read him his rights.”

“That’s my partner,” Starsky slapped him on the knee approvingly. “It wouldn’t have been worth the bullet, babe. Thanks to you Mr. Gunther will spend the rest of his life caged like an animal. You did well, Hutch.”

“Yeah, he should’ve known better than to mess up with my partner,” Hutch quipped. There were times in the past when joking about it had seemed impossible and in many ways it still was but right now Hutch was ready to do everything to keep his partner’s mind away from the murders.

“He sure’ll have a lot of time to think about it,” Starsky smiled, too, but then his expression clouded and he looked at his partner. “I think I know how Prudholm got their addresses.”

“How?” Hutch asked, giving Starsky his full attention.

“You know my little black book? The one I used ta write all the phones of the ladies I’ve dated.”

“Sure. The little monster had more names in it than the phone book,” Hutch replied with an easy smile.

“I think he got it.”

“What? Starsky, that means the scum has a key to your apartment.” Hutch’s expression hardened, the thought of that lunatic wondering freely around his lover’s flat made his blood run cold.

“I got rid of it,” Starsky said simply.

“You’re kidding me! Starsk, you were like a proud father showing the damn thing around the station.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“But why? And when?”

“Two days ago, on my way to your place. And as to why I think you know the answer,” Starsky replied and gave his partner an affectionate glance that made Hutch fall in love with him all over again. “It was kinda… like a ritual, you know–it was our anniversary and I didn’t think I’ll ever need it again,” he added shyly.

“You’re really something, babe,” Hutch managed to get the reply past the lump in his throat. “I-I don’t know what to say…I love you so much.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset ya, Blintz. It’s no big deal.” Starsky shrugged off. “And Prudholm turned it into something ugly.”

“It’s the gesture that counts. We’ll get him, Starsk. And this time it would be final.”

“I hope so…I don’t think…I could handle another one.” Starsky’s voice cracked a bit in the end and Hutch tightened up the hold of his partner’s knee.

“You won’t have to, babe.” The promise sounded hollow but it was all Hutch could come up with and it seemed to help Starsky, whose hand abandoned the wheel for a bit and landed on top of Hutch’s waving their fingers together.

They drove in silence for a few minutes until Starsky spoke up again. “I couldn’t make it without you. I just don’t know…if I’m tellin’ you enough how much you mean to me,” Starsky said in a strained voice.

Hutch’s heart softened from those words said with so much care and love. Nobody had treated him that way. Nobody had put Hutch’s needs in front of theirs. “Don’t worry about that, love. You make me feel the most special and desired man in the whole world.”

“That’s ’cause you’re, babe. Just holdin’ my knee like you do makes me feel better…And the look on your face now…those sky blue eyes make me–”

“I though you hated ‘soapy scenes’?” Hutch interrupted him before Starsky had said something that would make him either blush or cry and none of these things were acceptable right now. It’s a little hard to play hard ball with some guard when your eyes are still puffy from the tears or your face is flushed like a virgin on her first night.

“I lied. Truth is I’m a total sucker for them. And don’t change the subject,” Starsky grinned at his partner and Hutch smiled too.

*

Starsky parked the Torino in front of the building and they got out of the car, starting towards the alley that led to the main entrance of the Lincoln Clinic. On first sight the old building in front of them seemed well kept. More well kept than some children’s communities in the poor neighborhood’s, Starsky noted with disguise. They reached the entrance guarded by two armed men and showed them their badges.

“Detectives Hutchinson and Starsky,” Hutch waved his ID in front of them. “We want to speak with Barry Maxwell. Police business.”

“Sure,” said the younger one of the guards who apparently was familiar with their names and appeared impressed. His colleague on the other hand eyed them with open mistrust. “Follow me, please.”

The tree of them entered the building, passing through numerous corridors and halls until finally they reached a small break room. The young men opened the door and held it for the two detectives.

“Wait here, I’ll tell Barry you’re waiting for him. And there is some coffee on the table if you want,” the young man offered, looking at them one more time before he closed the door and hurried down the corridor.

“Well, what can I say, we’re famous,” Hutch announced with a grin, stretching himself in the nearest sofa but his smile quickly disappeared as Starsky didn’t reply and continued staying stiffly in the middle of the room. “Hey, babe, you OK?” Hutch got up again despite the little crack in his back the quick movement had produced and approached his partner.

“No,” was the honest reply as Starsky’s sad eyes came up to meet Hutch’s worried one’s. “But I’ll manage.”

“We’ll manage, buddy,” Hutch promised, patting the nearest available shoulder and then quickly pursed his lips, blowing Starsky a kiss, his eyes twinkling mischievously. He was rewarded with a deep chuckle and an answering kiss.

They heard the approaching footsteps and managed to restore the distance between them just in time as the door opened. The man that entered the room was in his late thirties and sufficiently good-looking. He was a little shorter than Hutch but more solidly built. His cold blue eyes moved quickly past Hutch only to fall on Starsky and stay there long enough to make the blond detective’s protective instincts kick in. “Barry Maxwell?” Hutch asked in what he hoped to be a professional voice. He didn’t like the man but that didn’t mean he had to show it.

“Yes, Sir. Detective Hutchinson I assume?” The cold eyes finally turned on him and Hutch could’ve sworn he saw a hint of amusement there, which was quickly covered.

“Yes and that over there is Detective Starsky. Our Captain has talked with your Commanding Officer and I’m sure you know why we’re here.”

“That’s right, Sir, and I couldn’t tell you how sorry I am. I heard that you’ve come across Prudholm in the past,” His voice was compassionate as he looked at Starsky again. “But I don’t know how can I help you. I gave my report to the CO and he cleared me from any responsibility.”

“Let’s discuss your report, shall we?” Hutch spoke up, shortening the distance between them. “You said and I’m quoting by memory ‘When I entered the room to give the patient his dinner he jumped over me, pinning me on the floor. He hit me with the back of my revolver and I lost consciousness etc.’ Will you explain to us. Mr. Maxwell how is it possible for a 60-year-old man to pin a much younger and bigger than him trained officer and take his weapon?” Hutch raised his voice at the end of his tirade, his eyebrow coming up on his forehead.

Most smart people knew better than to play stupid when Hutch used that tone but Barry didn’t even flinch. And although his body remained still, his eyes dared Hutch to give to the desire and slam him in the wall.

“I guess he caught me by surprise, Sir,” He answered.

“He caught you by surprise?” Starsky echoed his words, incredulous. He had remained silent until then observing Maxwell’s reactions and letting Hutch play the ‘bad cop’ but now quickly jumped from the chair he had occupied and started towards him. “You’re goin’ into the room of a dangerous killer, found guilty for murderin’ two cops and a civilian…And you wanna tell me you walked pass that door unprepared?” Starsky intensified the volume of his voice in disbelief, roughly moving a chair, which stood in his way.

Barry flinched visibly at the words, his lips firmly pressed together to prevent him from snapping back at Starsky. “I know, Sir, and I’m sorry,” He said, the regret that sounded in his voice never quite reaching the blue eyes.

Starsky frowned, turning away from him, facing his partner as their looks crossed for a few seconds communicating and then Hutch nodded.

“Ok, Barry,” Hutch carried on trying to sound friendly although all he wanted right now was to beat the hell out of the stupid bastard that was still staring at his partner. “As my partner said, George Prudholm is one dangerous man, who *we believe*, had committed two more crimes,” His voice hardened again as he fixed Maxwell with a steady look. “And we both know that there is *no way* for him to escape the hospital, *unless*someone has helped him. And we both now that with each dead body *that someone* is getting into deeper and deeper shit.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Sir,” The other man replied calmly, the self-control from before fully restored.

“What he’s tryin’ to say is that we’ll get Prudholm, make no mistake about that!” Starsky couldn’t hold his temper any longer; the thought that in this moment Prudholm might be killing somebody else was driving him crazy with frustration. “But if you’re smart enough you’ll help us do it.”

“Detective Starsky are you accusing me of an accessory to a crime?” He challenged, a perverse light dancing in his eyes.

Sensing Starsky’s control slipping away, Hutch quickly stepped between them before it had been too late and Maxwell was on the floor with a broken nose.

“You may go now, Barry. Here’s my number if you suddenly smarten up.”

“Have a nice day, Detective Starsky,” Maxwell hissed, totally ignoring Hutch, and went out of the door. “Black suits you,” He muttered almost inaudibly before closing the door, referring to their dark outfit for Nancy’s funeral. Starsky started after him but Hutch managed to restrain his partner in time.

“Easy, easy, buddy. There’s no point,” He whispered feeling the tense body gradually relaxing in his arms.

“He knows something, Hutch!” Starsky snapped in exasperation, looking more desperate than angry.

“I know that, buddy. But there’s no way to get it out of him. The stupid son of a bitch is too confident. Eventually he’ll try to contact Prudholm and we’ll get both of them.”

“But what if he kills somebody else before then?”

“He won’t. By now he should know we’re after him. He’ll try to lay down for awhile.”

“I hope so,” Starsky replied miserably. “I really do hope so…Let’s get outta here, this place is givin’ me the chills.” Starsky reached for the door and held it for Hutch.

*

They drove back in comfortable silence, Hutch’s hand once again on Starsky’s knee. Right now both of them needed to feel connected somehow.

“I’ll log us off for today,” Hutch said and took the receiver, talking to Dobey for awhile, briefing him. Their Captain was more than ready to send another pair of detectives following Maxwell and give Starsky and Hutch a break till tomorrow morning. “All done, Dobey said we could have the rest of the day off.”

“Be still my heart,” Starsky muttered sarcastically.

“Yeah. Well, we both need some time.”

“Do you think Maxwell is stupid enough to contact Prudholm tonight?”

“Not likely…But it’d be nice for a change.”

“He won’t. He knows we’ll be watchin’ him. And he’s on duty the whole night.”

“Then we know what we’re doing tomorrow.”

“A game of cat and mouse.”

“Right. Oh, God…I’m dying to get out of this suit. Your place or mine?”

There was a brief pause and then Starsky replied. “How about you to your place and me to mine, huh?” He glanced towards the passenger seat only to find a pair of blue eyes looking back at him with bewilderment.

“Care to run that by me again?” There was no anger in Hutch’s voice just incomprehension.

“I just need some time alone, babe, that’s all,” Starsky tried to explain, hating the hurt expression that appeared on Hutch’s face.

“OK then. If that’s what you want,” Hutch replied, staring out of the window.

“You mad at me?” Starsky asked carefully after the silence stretched out too long.

“No…I just don’t understand…I though you could use…some comfort,” Hutch answered still not looking at Starsky and slowly drew his hand away from his partner’s knee. “I thought…I was still your best friend…”

“Aw, babe, Of course you’re,” Starsky said reassuringly and captured the fugitive hand, squeezing it. “Nothing’s changed…I just need–”

“To be alone so that you could feel guilty all by yourself,” Hutch responded with resignation but returned Starsky’s squeeze nevertheless. For better or worse he knew that man so well. “It’s Ok, love. I understand. Don’t feel bad about wanting some time for yourself.” Hutch flashed him a weak smile.

“You really understand? I don’t like ya feelin’ redundant, Hutch. I just wanna say goodbye to them…in my own way.”

“I know, buddy,” Hutch sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I like it or agree with you. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“I know than…I really do, Hutch…at least in my head.”

“Yeah, the problem is your heart–That big heart of yours.”

“It’s all yours, babe,” Starsky smiled gently at Hutch before turning his attention back to the road.

They both went back into discussing the case.

Nearly half an hour later Starsky parked the Torino in front of Venice Place, and with a light pat on his partner’s shoulder Hutch got off of the car.

“See you tomorrow, buddy.”

“Yeah…Hey,” Starsky called after him through the open window. “Thanks for being so understandin’, babe. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Don’t beat yourself too hard, OK?” Hutch asked pleadingly.

“OK,” Starsky nodded, not sure he could keep that particular promise but wanting to calm Hutch. “Maybe I’ll call ya later and we can have a late dinner together.”

That brought the happiest smile he had seen on Hutch’s face the whole day and made Starsky almost give it all up and follow his partner into the flat. Almost.

“Take care,” Hutch winked at him and went into the building.

Starsky took his time looking after the other man and then with a heavy sigh started the engine.

*

Starsky rose slowly from the coach and went to the refrigerator, taking a beer from it. He moved towards the window, his look raying at the quiet city besides him. The clock on the wall showed 22.30 and the sun had long ago disappeared from the horizon replaced by a full moon and billions of twinkling stars. No clouds, no rain. The night was perfect for a quiet, romantic dinner with his lover and instead of that Starsky was sipping beer alone with the lights turned off.

He’d spent the whole evening buried in his memories about Nancy and Lora and then finally it came to Terry. For a long time he hadn’t thought about any of the women he had dated in the past and even found it difficult recalling most of the time spent with Lora. They had dated for only one or two weeks before she broke off with him. It hadn’t hurt. Neither Starsky nor Lora had been looking for a serious relationship and they soon found out they hadn’t much in common as the dialogues during the dinners or discos were getting more and more awkward. Starsky doubted that she would even recognize or remember him now if they’d met on the street. It just wasn’t fair. And since when life has to be fair? A little voice inside Starsky’s head snapped back at him.

He finished his beer in one swallow and dumped the empty can in the garbage with frustration. What am I doing here alone, getting drunk, while I have a partner, who’s probably all worried and pacing around waiting for me to call? Enough self-pity for one day, Starsky decided moving towards the phone. Just when he was about to dial Hutch’s number there were several loud thuds on the door and a panicked voice calling his name.

Now what ? Starsky reluctantly put the phone back and hurried towards the front door.

“Dave? Are you in there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’,” Starsky mumbled opening the door only to be jumped by Alice who huddled in his arms, holding him tight. “Hey, easy…I’ve got you. Easy now,” He soothed her, closing the door behind them. “Come on, sit down over here. I’ll bring ya somethin’ to drink.”

“Coffee, please,” She replied, still trembling and straightened some imaginable wrinkles on her dress.

“Nah, drink this, it’ll help you relax.” Starsky placed a glass of whisky in front of her and gave her a small pat on the shoulder. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“Some man called me…” Alice said, taking a small sip from the glass and musing at the strong taste of the drink.

“What man?” Starsky questioned his instincts on full alert, not liking the sound of it at all. Not when Prudholm was hanging around, strangling his former girlfriends just to make his point.

“I don’t know, I, he said to tell you I’ll be #3…W-what did he mean, David?” She swallowed another mouthful from the whisky, her eyes searching Starsky’s face for an answer.

“When did he call ya?” Starsky rose from his chair, looking intently at her.

“I, I went straight to you after he hung up…He sounded so cold and I was afraid…”

“You did well, darlin’. Just stay easy now, you’re save here,” Starsky assured, considerably lowering his voice, as he slipped his cardigan on her shoulders and kneeled in front of her. “Could you remember if he said anythin’ else? It’s real important.”

“No…Nothing…” Alice stretched her arm, taking the bottle from the table, and poured herself another glass. “I don’t remember.”

“There’s no rush…We’ll just sit here and relax–it’ll come back to ya. You’ll be stayin’ here for the night anyway.” Starsky got up and sat on the chair opposite her.

“I want to know what’s going on, Dave! Do you know the guy that called me?” She demanded the color slowly returning on her face from the alcohol.

“Alice, it’s really not a nice story…”

“I don’t care! In case you hadn’t noticed I’m a grown up.”

“I’m not denying it but–”

“Either tell me or I’m going home,” Her tone was deadly serious and her brown eyes sparkled with determination. She finished her second drink on one breath as if to prove Starsky she can handle anything he threw at her and then put the empty glass on the table.

“OK, cool it! I had forgotten that temper of yours.”

“Yeah, men tend to do that. That’s usually their first mistake.” Her cold features broke into a charming smile and Starsky chuckled.

“You could’ve fooled me with that lovely face.”

A light blush appeared on her pale cheeks and Starsky swore under his breath, remembering the conversation they had with Hutch last night. His expression sobered almost immediately and he made a mental check to be more careful around the subject in the future. “I give up but remember I warned ya it ain’t a nice story.”

He got up and fetched another six-pack and put it on the table, grabbing a beer for himself. It would be hard to talk about all the pain and grief Prudholm had brought in his life but a part of Starsky was glad to actually go through it again. That little perverse part of his mind still thought he deserved to be punished for all the blood that had been shed because of his past.

So he started talking, going through every little, torturous detail he could remember, starting with Prudholm’s son Gary, who, after he’d busted for dealing drugs, had died in a prison fight. Then in his memory emerged Lonnie Craig, the 16-year-old black kid that Starsky had gunned down on the street and who had died in the arms of his poor mother. Next it was the trial where he’d been found not guilty and thus sentenced two other policemen to an execution, endangering the life of his partner in the process. And, oh, yes the raw pain in his heart, the memories had provoked, felt good. He didn’t have the right to forget. But still here was coming the best part– Terry. The lady Starsky had been ready to bring to the altar but instead had to watch dying slowly day by day. By the time Nancy’s and Lora’s turn came, they had finished the six beers and Alice’s hand was on top of his squeezing it for support, her eyes wide from Starsky’s confession.

“You mean I’ll be his…third victim?” Alice asked at last, giving her voice a leveled tone despite the uneasy feeling down her stomach, which made her sick.

“Only through my dead body. You gotta believe me, you’re save here.”

“But you couldn’t be with me all the time! What if…what if he…” Alice didn’t know if it was from the fear or from the alcohol, and right now she really didn’t care, but she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“Don’t even think about that.” Starsky, who had stick only to beer, was much better than she was but still felt a little light-headed. “We’ll assign you a special protection…and besides with a little luck we’ll nail ‘im by tomorrow.”

“I don’t want my life changed, Dave…And I don’t want…some cops following me around.”

“I know and I’m sorry…” Starsky straightened up from the chair and turned Alice his back, walking away towards the sofa. She got up, too, sneaking behind him and extended her arms to massage the tensed shoulders.

“I didn’t mean it like that– it’s not your fault, it’s not even his fault…Hey, let’s forget him and have some fun, OK?” The massage was getting a way too personal for Starsky’s liking and he moved away from her hands.

“Uhh…What do you have in mind?” He asked with a forced smile. Good for you, Starsky. You let her get drunk, bright boy, now what!

“Oh, nothing special…just some music maybe.” She started unsteadily towards the radio, swaying dangerously a few times. Soon the room filled with soft music and Alice returned to Starsky, who was standing awkwardly near the sofa. “C’mon, Dave, you said y’r gonna protect me,” She reminded him and took his arms, putting one of them on her elegant waist and holding the other one.

He could feel her hot skin beneath the thin material but strangely enough that didn’t stir any reactions in him. And even more strangely he wasn’t bothered by the lack of them either. The only thing tormenting his mind right now was how to tuck her safely in the bed without hurting her feelings in the process.

“I won’t let anybody touch ya, Alice.” Starsky reassured her, as she rubbed her body briefly in his.

“Even you?” She giggled, snuggling even more comfortably in his arms.

“Especially me,” Starsky replied, wondering how the hell had he gotten in a situation like that. He decided that by the end of the song he would get Alice in the bed even if it cost both of them some embarrassing moments.

“And what if I like to be touched…by you.” Her hot breath caressed Starsky’s ear and he pulled away quickly. Enough is enough, Starsky thought. He steered her towards the nearest sofa and pushed her down. Alice obeyed, comfortably stretching over the soft cushions and letting Starsky untie her shoes. “You don’t like me, do you Davey?” She asked, all the playfulness gone from her voice. “The only man that still…likes me is that…husband of mine,” She hiccupped brokenly and covered her teary eyes with a small cushion.

Starsky knew this scene was mainly due to the alcohol and still he couldn’t help it but feel sympathetic. Letting out a deep breath, he sat over the edge of the sofa, facing her. “Alice, look at me,” Starsky commanded softly in k2; voice that held no protests.

Slowly the cushion came down, revealing a pair of big, red eyes looking miserably at Starsky. “I’m pathetic,” She managed and tried to get up but Starsky pushed her down. “I’m pathetic and…I’m drunk…Dave, please…let me go. Please…” Alice started kicking and fidgeting trying to escape but Starsky who was sufficiently stronger and soberer than her stilled her.

“Easy…you’re not goin’ anywhere…”

“I said let go of me!” She cried out and Starsky loosened his grip a bit.

“Will ya promise me to calm down if I do?” Ha asked breathlessly. Damn, the lady sure knows how to kick.

Alice nodded as her eyes cleared for a moment and she realized that it was Starsky who had been holding her.

“Good girl,” Starsky muttered as he let her go, taking his time to catch his breath.

“Dave?” She asked hesitantly a few moments later.

“Yeah.” Starsky who was still sitting on the edge of the coach turned towards her again. “What is it?”

“Do you find me ugly?”

“Aw, sweetheart, there’s nothin’ ugly about ya–”

“Then w-why?”

“Because…I’m in love with somebody else. And what we’ve got is very, very special to me to *ever* risk it.”

“But I can be special for you, too. Just gimme chance,” She begged drunkenly and Starsky knew there was no point trying to explain what Hutch meant to him when she was in that state. The best thing he could do was to let Alice sleep it off and tomorrow morning try to save whatever had left from their friendship. He patted her lightly on the head and started getting up but she captured his hand, holding him in one place.

“What is it now?”

“I wanna tell you something.”

“It can wait, Alice. Sleep now, we’ll talk in the mornin’.”

“No…I…remembered something…about that guy…”

That caught Starsky’s attention immediately and he bent over her. “Tell me,” He whispered, brushing away a few blonde strands fallen over her face.

Alice opened her mouth but instead of speaking she captured Starsky’s head in her hands and, with an amazing strength for a drunk person, pulled him down for a kiss, their bodies pressing. That was the last thing Starsky had expected, as his mouth remained unresponsive to her eager tongue. Before he had time to push her away there was a loud crash coming from the front door that sent both Starsky and Alice flying apart.

*

As Hutch reread the same passage of the supposed to be a bestseller book for the third time, he threw the damned thing away with frustration. His thoughts returned back to Starsky as they had done numerous times that evening. He shouldn’t have left him go home and suffer alone. Not after the day they had. Not ever. It was going to be their first night spent apart since they’d become lovers and Hutch felt restless…like something was missing.

He reached towards the telephone almost on impulse and dialed Starsky’s number but then quickly slammed the receiver back in its place. Starsky wants to be left alone. I’ll give him half more hour and then I’m going there and take care of him even if I have to use force. Hutch had been in his partner’s place more times than he wished to remember and knew that sometimes you just need to be left alone to deal with it in your own way. It wasn’t exactly guilt although Hutch knew there was plenty of that, too. It was more like a special ritual…like saying goodbye to someone you’d cared about deeply… like Gillian. Back then he couldn’t help but feel partly responsible for her death. She’d tried hard to fit in the Hutchinson world of high morals and principals and that’d cost Gillian her life.

Hutch got up and wandered around the kitchen. No more ghosts from the past. They had enough of them during the day. He opened the refrigerator and examined its content. Some leftovers from their anniversary and unopened bottle of red wine, plus Hutch knew Starsky should’ve enough stuff in his place to make a fine salad. What are you still waiting for then? A special invitation? Left to Starsky he would go on root beer and no food the whole night so losing no more time Hutch gathered the few leftovers and put them in a porcelain plate, which he wrapped in foil. He inspected the room for his jacket and found it thrown over the bed. Dressing awkwardly while trying to grab the wine and their dinner he started for the door nearly dropping all of it on the floor. Typical Hutchinson clumsiness, Hutch spared a laugh over his own lack of finesse,Glad at least it doesn’t show in bed.

His journey down to the car was uneventful as he maneuvered the wine and the plate on the empty seat next to him and got in the car. I shouldn’t have left him alone with that psycho on the loose. It was just his mother-hen nature, turning him into a paranoid freak but nevertheless Hutch stepped further on the gas pedal, making his old vehicle fly. He hoped Starsky wouldn’t be upset with him showing in the middle of the night uninvited. Like you’re going to interrupt something, Hutch thought with a soft smile. The days of the casual one-night stands had been long forgotten even before they became lovers. Hutch no longer had to worry that if he came unannounced late during the night there was a possibility to be welcomed by the passionate shouts from his partner’s current lady.

He laughed a little, his face turning red, as the memory of one particular night came back to haunt him. Hutch had felt restless and depressed the whole evening after they had arrested Luke Huntley and confiscated the $50 000 as evidence. He had dropped by Starsky’s place plagued by guilt and pain, knowing his partner would find a way to make it better only to find the above-mentioned partner sprawled all over the chair vigorously ridden by the next ‘whatshername’ in the list. Hutch had stuttered some kind of excuse and stumbled towards the door for an escape but Starsky had caught up with him down the stairs, dressed only in his boxers and with a very visible erection, claiming ‘it ain’t a big deal’ and that she had been too wild for him anyway. How can you not love that guy? I’ll probably find him cuddled on the couch, snoring, Hutch thought and chuckled softly at the cute image his partner represented when asleep. You’re sooo in love, Hutchinson, he concluded, parking the car in front of Starsky’s building.

Hutch quickly grabbed the wine and the plate from the seat and humming some stupid melody he’d heard on the radio sprinted to the entrance. Taking the stairs two at a time, he slowly opened the door with his spare key, not wanting to disturb his lover if he was asleep. But the view that uncovered in front of him made his breath stop his eyes widening from the image the door had just revealed. Starsky…the man he’d trusted his heart and soul to…on the couch all over a woman…kissing her. The near thought made him sick down his stomach and he turned away from the abusing view, using his whole will power to prevent the tears, welling inside him surface. He had some dignity left. But his hands betrayed him, going slack and useless from the shock as the things he was holding slipped away, landing on the floor with a loud crush.

Starsky immediately jumped from the couch feeling for his gun left on the coffee table besides them and pointed it at Hutch. The look of surprise on Starsky’s face, quickly turning into a sheer terror as he saw his lover, standing frozen at the door watching them, was indescribable. But Hutch didn’t care about it; in fact all he wanted was to get away from it…hide.

Hutch didn’t say a thing, he didn’t have to; simply looked straight into Starsky’s eyes as the brunet lowered his gun still too shocked to say a thing. But that silent look was more powerful than thousands of words Hutch could have said back then. The raw pain, betrayal and disguise in the blue eyes shot right into Starsky’s heart, inflicting more pain than all the Gunther’s bullets had managed to achieve.

“Hutch…” Starsky started weakly, his voice dying at the sight of his lover, not able to finish the sentence. “Hutch…babe…let me explain.”

Hutch shook his head as their looks locked once again, his eyes shining suspiciously and the soft voice filled the room. “I’ve just lost my best friend…my partner *and* my lover…There’s no way you can explain that, Starsky…No way at all.” With one last glance towards the coach, he turned away quickly, leaving his partner staring after him stunned. Managing to recover fast, he sprinted after Hutch, stopping only for a quick bark at Alice to stay put.

“HUUUUTCH, Please, listen to me…” He managed to catch up with his lover, grabbing the nearest shoulder to prevent him from getting into the car.

As if burned, Hutch roughly pulled away from the touch, spinning around. “Stay away from me…Don’t you EVER DARE TOUCH me again!” He hissed, hair flying everywhere, his eyes burning holes in Starsky. The resigned passiveness from a few minutes ago quickly replaced by anger.

Raising his hands up in the air in a gesture of surrender, Starsky backed off a bit. “Ok, I won’t. Let’s just calm down…Hutch you *can’t* drive like that…Please, let’s go somewhere–somewhere peaceful and, and I’ll explain it all…C’mon, babe,” Starsky begged, his hands aching to touch, offer comfort but he knew the caress wouldn’t be welcomed.

“Oh, that’s rich, Starsky!” Hutch spat with sarcasm, furious. “Now you’re worried about me…after screwing around with that…woman!”

“I didn’t screw around with Alice! She kissed me Hutch…I had no way–”

“I don’t wanna hear it!”

“You will, damn it!” Starsky lost it, grabbing Hutch’s arms and tried shaking some sense in him. Had he been thinking clearly he would’ve realized that approaching Hutch that way right now equaled to bringing a light to a powder keg, but Starsky was desperate. “I’m not gonna let ya drive in that–”

“You’re not gonna WHAT?” Hutch shouted incredulously, shoving Starsky away from him. “Who the hell do you think you’re telling me what to do? You *lost* that right the moment I…” Hutch gasped out, taking a sharp breath, the words freezing in his mouth. The moment I saw you making love to someone else besides me… He had to get out of here. Fast.

Hutch tried getting past Starsky and into the car but was stopped once again, this time considerably more gently. He straightened up, looking pointedly at where Starsky’s hand lay on his upper arm until the brunet pulled it away.

“I’m sorry…I-I didn’t mean to grab ya like that before…”

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to have sex with Alice, too,” Hutch replied coldly and saw Starsky flinching. It never stopped amazing him his ability to fake a cold interior while on the inside he was hurting as hell. Thanks, Dad, I’ve learnt that one from you…As long as you don’t think about it, it’s going to be OK. Just don’t think about it and get the hell out of here! Hutch pushed Starsky aside far from gently and got in the car, starting the engine.

“Hutch, wait! Look at me…Gimme just one second!”

Hutch laughed out harshly, starting the engine. “Sure! I gave you my heart the fool I am, why not give you a second?”

“I know you’re mad and hurt right now…And I know you probably hate me-”

“Hate you?” Hutch repeated shaky, all the hostility disappearing from his voice only to give a way to the fatigue. “I could never *hate* you, Starsky. I wish I could…that way it wouldn’t h-hurt so much. But it’s just not possible…Stupid, huh?” He didn’t wait for a reply, not needing one, and stepped on the gas pedal driving away from all the pain as fast as possible. Only if he could get rid of it that easily…Impossible. No matter how fast he drove it stayed deep inside him, making his vision blur…Finally he could afford it. Now he was alone.

*

“Another one!” Hutch gestured at the pretty waitress. He’d lost notion of time somewhere around the fourth beer but generally didn’t care.

The pain was still there and getting stronger with each tick of the clock. He’d been driving aimlessly around Bay City’s almost deserted streets for God knows how long but couldn’t escape from it. So he had entered the first bar that’d come in front of him and tried to drown it instead. No success so far but Hutch believed in persistence. It couldn’t possibly hurt that much forever. Sooner or later it’ll subside and he’ll learn to live with it. Accept it. It couldn’t hurt that much forever. It couldn’t…It couldn’t…It couldn’t…Hutch drained the newly placed in front of him beer in one breath and asked for another one.

Thousands of images of Starsky and him loving each other, laughing, kissing haunted his mind. Has it all been a lie? All the sweet, loving things Starsky’d been whispering in his ears while making love? All the love radiating from Starsky’s eyes?Was it fake? No…it couldn’t be. It had been real…It had been there. Then what had changed? What had made Starsky seek comfort elsewhere?

In his head echoed Vanessa’s words while she was stuffing her clothes into a suitcase with the taxi waiting outside. You’re one cold-hearted, selfish bastard, Ken Hutchinson. Was he really? Apparently, since… No, don’t think about it, Hutch stopped himself abruptly. He wasn’t ready to face it, not yet…not ever.

…You know our love was meant to be

The kind of love that lasts forever

And I want you here with me

From tonight until the end of time

You should know everywhere I go

You’re always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul…

The soft melody filled up the smoky bar and made Hutch’s stomach flip…Everything but that song. He slipped out of the chair and buckled towards the men’s room, all that stuffy smells of perfumes, shampoos, aftershaves, sweat, all those people laughing, made him sick.

Why this song? Why now? Everything was going fine until the stupid lyrics! The same words he had sung to Starsky three days ago. The memories of how adorable and sweet Starsky had looked back then, just waking up and looking at him with those big, sapphire eyes so full of love, filled Hutch’s mind and he flinched away. He wanted to cry…he needed to cry, to curl down on the floor and scream from the intense pain that was burning his insides, but simply couldn’t. The pair of blue eyes looking back at him from the mirror remained dry, expressionless…cold.

Hutch bent over the sink, splashing some water over his face. His gaze fell on his .35 and he dried his hands, picking it from the holster and studying it for a moment like he had never seen it before let alone used it every day on the streets. Tilting his head a bit, he assumed a shooting position and slowly pointed the gun at the mirror.

So easy…so damn easy…One shot and then no more pain, the little tempting voice inside his head tried to lull him into action. No more pain, no more memories…and no more Starsky. The simple thought of his partner and the fact he would be the one to find Hutch’s brain scattered all over the place made his hand tremble and he lowered his arm, shoving the gun back into the holster.

He looked one more time at his reflection and shook his head sadly as if owning explanation to that little voice from before. Somehow Starsky had managed to delude himself he was in love with Hutch. Maybe it was their closeness after Gunther, or the loneliness, or the lack of something better; Hutch didn’t know and didn’t care. But the facts remained–Starsky may not be in love with him but he loved Hutch…loved him so powerfully and selflessly as only his partner was capable of; loved him as no one else had and ever will. He couldn’t pull the trigger.

Was it weakness? Was it strength? Or simply love that went beyond understanding?

The pain will go away, the memories will fade, the wounds will heal, Hutch repeated the sentence to his image in the mirror as a mantra. He won’t leave his partner, not until Prudholm was still on the streets, waiting for revenge. And tomorrow morning he would face Starsky, even if it hurt like hell, he’ll do it and they will talk–talk about the case, about the weather, about some movie but not a word about that night. That was Hutch’s condition-not a single word about that night…And when the psycho was behind the bars, Hutch would be free to run away and break down. But not before that, he won’t let a single tear escape his eyes before that. Because it would lead to another and then another and another and he’ll lose it.

Hutch splashed a last handful of water over his face and, swaying a bit, exited the men’s room, leaving a couple of bills over the counter and started towards the parking. He didn’t have an idea how he was supposed to drive home in that condition and actually thought about calling Huggy to pick him up but quickly shrugged off the idea. Too many questions…and that he couldn’t handle right now.

Couldn’t handle it? Oh, for God’s sake Hutchinson get a grip! You’re not the first brokenhearted person! You’ve been here before and you survived. You’ll do it again. Hutch rumbled through his pockets and sought for his keys, totally ignoring the same little voice, telling him he’d managed before only because Starsky had been there fighting along with him.

He finally managed to get a hold of the keys and was about to open the door when he heard footsteps behind him. Even in his drunken state Hutch tried to draw his gun but the next thing he felt was a tearing pain in his head and then nothing except a total blackness.

*

6.29…6.30…6.30 and 23 seconds.

After probably the 100th time Starsky’d changed his position in bed, he gave up pretending he was sleeping at all, and stared at the clock.

Starsky had to use all his will power the previous night not to run after Hutch but finally the common sense had won and cursing he had gone back to the apartment only to find Alice asleep or fainted on the coach. He covered her with the nearest blanket and let her be at least for the night. But tomorrow morning the lady would have a lot of explanations to deliver.

How could all go so fucking wrong just in a few seconds? Starsky had bent down and slowly started gathering the remnants of the dinner and the broken dishes scattered all over the floor. Just like our relationship right now. Broken. When he’d finished he tossed them in the bin with disdain and crowed to the window, leaning on the wall for support. There, staring at the empty street, hoping against hope Hutch will reconsider and come back, Starsky’d remained for two hours. It had been against all his instincts to leave Hutch on his own in that condition but the venomously hissed words ‘Don’t you ever there touching me again’ still echoed in Starsky’s mind. Hutch needed some time alone to sort things out.

But he’ll come back. He will. Unconsciously Starsky had folded his arms over his chest holding hard against the cold terror gripping his heart.

He’ll come back, Starsky repeated once again, lying in the bed that was still carrying Hutch’s aroma and not believing a single word of it.

*

At 8.30 sharp Starsky dashed into the station quickly surveying the room for the lean blond figure of his partner and felt very disappointed when he didn’t find Hutch at their desk. He gathered the courage to call him but gave up after a couple of rings.

He’ll come. He always does when I need him.

Starsky sighed heavily and dropped in his chair. He took some folders the guys from the lab had left for them not really having the energy for anything else.

*

Pain. Mainly concentrated in his head although his back and legs had seen better days, too. Exactly how many drinks did I have last night? He swore under his breath at his own stupidity. Dobey’ll have my head for breakfast…or maybe lunch.

Hutch slowly opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times to clear out his blurred vision. What the hell… He found himself sitting in the middle of some room with broken and scattered chairs all over the floor. He tried to move but found it impossible as his legs and arms had been tied to the chair he was in.

Hutch willed himself to remain calm. The last time he’d been in a similar situation he had nearly become a drug addict, the simple thought was enough to send chills all over his body. The cop instincts immediately kicked in and Hutch quickly surveyed his surroundings for a way to escape. With the exception of the garbage and the broken chairs and desks the room looked passable enough. Of course only if he managed to untie himself first. His look fell on the big black board on the wall. Definitely a classroom, Hutch thought. He tried to move together with the chair to the door but all he accomplished was to land hard on the floor.

“Aw, dammit!” His head felt like it was going to burst. The door opened with a crack and Hutch heard the approaching steps accompanied with a quiet laugh.

“Temper, temper, Detective Hutchinson.” The men kneeled in front of Hutch, roughly pulling the golden hair until the blond came face to face with George Prudholm. “Where are your manners?”

“Prudholm…if you’re thinking even for a minute you’re going to get away with this–”

“And who said I want to get away at all?” The older man laughed again, loosing his hold of the blonde hair and clumsily straightening Hutch and the chair.

“Then what do you want?” Hutch managed to gasp out, hardly breathing from the pain in his head and ribs.

“Revenge!” His eyes shone with hatred as his mouth stretched into an evil smile. A cold chill passed all over Hutch’s body- the man was truly a wacko. “A painful, bloody, gut-wrenching revenge. And I am gonna get it, make no mistake ’bout that.”

*

The phone on the Starsky’s desk rang and he picked it up immediately.

“Starsky.”

“Dave…it’s Alice…”

Starsky sighed under his breath. It was stupid to think Hutch would call him first instead of just come straight to work. “Yeah, Alice, what can I do for you?” He asked not without a dose of irritation in his voice.

“Dave, I just wanted to apologize for last night…I really don’t know what got into me…”

“Probably the two whiskies and the several beers have something to do with it.”

“Yeah, right,” Came the nervous laugh from the other end of the line. “Look I…I remember everything and…I am really sorry.”

“You and me both,” Starsky murmured, scratching something in his notebook.

“I didn’t know that you two…Never mind.” She laughed one more time and Starsky decided he really started hated this sound. It seemed more like coughing than anything else. “I am sorry I caused troubles and I promise I’ll clear up everything with Ken.”

“It’s not that simple…You see…”Hutch’s been hurt and cheated so many times that he’s not likely to believe you…or me for that matter, Starsky thought bitterly. “Just leave it to me, OK? You still at my place?”

“Yes.”

“Good…I already sent two of our guys to look after you. They’re probably in front of the building by now…”

“There’s really no need for that, Dave…”

“Oh come on! We’re not playing games around here Alice!” Starsky pushed the notebook aside, raising his voice. “We’re dealin’ with a crazy, cold-blooded killer who finds it entertainin’ to strangle his victims, *all of whom* people I care about, and then mark them up for his collection. And we believe you’re the psycho’s next victim! Are you really sayin’ you don’t need our protection?!” Silence. Not only on the other end of the line but in the room as well. Starsky let out a deep sigh, resting his head in his free hand. “Sorry I yelled,” He said in the receiver after awhile.

An answering frown could be heard and then Alice’s voice filled his ear. “I am sorry, too–y’know about last night” Alice clarified, even though there was no need to. “Dave…are you and Ken gonna be alright?”

Starsky looked towards the empty chair in front of him and felt the overwhelming need to break something. “I don’t know, I really don’t know…Ah…Look, Alice, about those guys…don’t give them trouble, OK? They’ve been on a stake-out the whole night.”

“Yeah, I’ll be good…See you soon?”

“I don’t think so…We’re up to our necks in this shit and-”

“I understand,” She interrupted him.

“Do you?”

“Yeah,” She gave her voice a note of carelessness she wasn’t feeling.

“Take care then. And at least for today-don’t go anywhere, and I mean *anywhere*, without protection.”

“Aye, aye, Sir,” She said and then hung up.

Starsky slowly lowered the receiver. Something’s wrong. He couldn’t get that thought out of his head. Well, of course something is wrong, Detective. In fact I couldn’t think of something that *isn’t* wrong right now, Starsky snorted, and for the second time for the last five minutes pushed aside the burning desire to destroy.

“Starsky! Get your ass in here!” Apparently that wasn’t one of Dobey’s best days either.

Starsky raised from his seat, trying to chase away the feeling of indifference overwhelming him right now. “Yeah, Cap’.”

“Where’s Hutchinson?” Dobey spared Starsky a quick glance at his direction and then buried himself back into the documentation covering, the better part of his desk. “And by the way, Starsky, have you heard of something called sleep, also known as rest?”

“Now you tell me,” Starsky muttered under his breath, his brain seeking for the most plausible excuse for Hutch’s absence.

“Yeah…So where’s Hutch?” Dobey continued, scratching something on a sheet of paper.

And before Starsky’s brain had even managed to register it, his mouth had shot the reply. “I don’t know, Captain.”

The writing stopped almost immediately as Starsky was *rewarded* with Dobey’s undivided attention. “Care to run that by me again, Starsky?”

Starsky bowed his head and surprisingly acknowledged he was wearing different socks today. “We had a little misunderstanding last night…and he left kinda quick…” Starsky trailed off, pushing aside the unwelcome memories. He was about to say something when the phone on Dobey’s desk rang.

Never taking his eyes off his Detective, Dobey picked it up and listened to the voice in the receiver. Then his look softened a bit and he passed it along to Starsky while the black man hurried towards the hall. “I want that call traced!” Starsky heard the other man’s voice and already knew what it was about.

Feeling a little sick Starsky gathered all the self-control he could muster and spoke up. “Starsky.”

“Ahh…it’s so nice to hear your voice again.”

“Prudholm,” Starsky acknowledged with calmness he was far from feeling. “Heard you had complaints ’bout the food they gave you?”

“Funny, Starsky, very funny…The last time we met you weren’t laughing, though.”

Starsky’s expression remained unreadable. “What do you want?”

“You–dead,” Prudholm replied lightly.

“You know where to find me. Why are you bringing other people in the game, too?”

“See, Starsky…I don’t want you just dead, you know. I want more. I want you to suffer…to experience the pain I…” There was a slight pause and then he laughed abruptly. “But why are we spoiling our talk with sad memories. I gathered you’ve found my two hello presents, right?”

“You sick son of a bitch-”

“They weren’t the real thing, you know, Starsk?” Prudholm whispered into the receiver and Starsky felt his legs almost give out on him.

“Don’t…” Starsky closed his eyes briefly. “You think you know what pain is…But you don’t. If anything happens to Hutch I swear-”

“I gotta hang up. Nice talking with you, Starsky. You got three hours, pig. We’ll be waiting for you–or at least I will.”

“Wait–” Starsky shouted but his only answer was the dial tone. “Fuckin’, perverted lunatic!”

Dobey rushed back into the room and probably prevented, or merely postponed, Starsky’s further outburst. The younger man looked at his superior questionably but the Captain shook his head. They hadn’t been able to trace the call.

“Aw, Damm it!”

“My sentiments exactly. Next time we’ll be ready for him.” Dobey wiped up his face with a Kleenex from his coat.

“He’s not gonna call in again, Cap’n! You heard the man-he’s got Hutch and he wants to play some sick game of hide-and-seek!”

“Get yourself together, Starsky. You’re acting all hysterical on me!”

“Oh, that’s rich,” Starsky let out a choked laughed. “Sir, that wacko over there has already killed two policemen, my ex-fiancée, and two of my former girlfriends! And now, as if that wasn’t enough, he’s got my PARTNER, too! And I haven’t got anythin’ better to do than stay here and yell, ’cause, ya see, Sir, I haven’t got A CLUE, even the slightest clue how to find them!” Breathing heavily Starsky collapsed in the nearest chair and buried his face in his hands. “I’ve got no clue, no clue…” He muttered over and over again.

Dobey slowly approached him, putting a large hand on his shoulder. “Dave,” He started, more with the voice of a father than a police captain. “I can’t say I know what you’re going through, and frankly I don’t want to…but you’ve got to pull yourself together, OK? We need you. Hutch needs you.”

Starsky raised his head slowly and nodded slightly. “Yeah, y’re right, Captain. I just don’t know what got into–”

“Let’s concentrate on finding Hutch now, and later the three of us will have a nice little conversation about raising your voice to a superior officer. It’s getting to be a habit with the pair of you.” Dobey gave Starsky’s shoulder one last shake and went around his desk, picking up the telephone. “I’ll have all men available patrolling the streets for Hutch. Dispatch, connect me with Mallory and Shutt–”

“Ah, Cap’n, I…I forgot to tell ya, but somethin’ came up last night and I sent them to take care of a friend of mine. She…Prudholm called her, threatenin’ her–”

“Starsky, in this department I am the only one giving the assignments here!”

“I know that, Sir. But I came in early today and you weren’t still in.”

“Yeah, OK, never mind. Get back to the streets now!”

“Yes, Sir,” Starsky was already on his way to the door when Dobey’s voice stopped him again.

“What’s her name?” The older man frowned. There was something more…something important they were missing.

“Alice O’Donovan.” Starsky was quickly getting impatient. Not that he had anything specific in mind but the clock was ticking nevertheless.

Dobey started rumbling through his desk. “She married?” He asked still looking for the folder.

“Not exactly. She ain’t divorced yet, but things are goin’ in that direction,” Starsky replied, stepping from foot to foot.

“Here it is!” Dobey finally pulled the desired folder out of the drawer and quickly started turning over the pages. “Here it is,” He repeated and Starsky reluctantly came nearer so he could have a look too. Dobey started reading out aloud. “Maxwell, Barry-35, married, no children. His wife’s name is,” Dobey stood up, grabbing his coat and then glanced at Starsky on his way to him, “Alice M. O’Donovan. Come on, Starsky, we’re going to jail.”

Both men were out of the room in the matter of seconds.

*

Prudholm had been gone for at least 30 minutes and Hutch started feeling restless. His vision had cleared up sufficiently in the last hour or so and the pain in his head had subdued to a tolerable level, allowing him to fully appreciate his surroundings. There’s got to be some way…, Hutch thought feverishly. If I could only get out of those ropes… He tried to free his hands but it was a lost cause as the ropes cut tightly into his wrists. “Damn!” He hissed from the pain in his chest–nothing broken but probably a few bruised ribs. Jerking his arms up and down, in one last desperate attempt, with all the strength he could muster, Hutch finally collapsed back into the chair breathing hard, his face sweaty from the effort. Who am I kidding anyway?

Even if he could get rid of the ropes, which was a problem all by itself, he hadn’t been able to feel his limbs for quite some time. Stiff from the disturbed blood circulation caused by the long hours spent in the same position, Hutch wasn’t sure he could walk, let alone run, even if he had the chance to.

Breathing raggedly from frustration and pain Hutch tried once again calling for help but the only answer he received was the echo of his own voice, filling the abandoned building.

Starsky’ll find me, the reassuring thought emerged from his subconscious just like many times in the past when he’d been in danger. But with it came the memories from the previous night and for a brief moment Hutch wondered whether he truly wanted to be saved. The answer made him shiver. And so did the quickly approaching steps from the hall outside.

*

A dull thud accompanied by a muffled groan from pain could be heard from the rest room of the Lincoln Hospital for mentally unstable. Outside Dobey winced, but only straightened up, pressing his back even more firmly to the cold door. He wouldn’t interfere, at least not yet.

*

It felt good. In fact it felt frighteningly good. Starsky had thrown the other man at the wall, almost breaking his nose, and that ‘almost’ wasn’t from lack of trying, mercilessly twisting Maxwell’s hand behind his back with his right hand and with the other, roughly pulling his hair so that their eyes could meet.

“Where’s Prudholm?” Starsky asked deadpan, pushing aside the need to inflict serious damages to the body he was handling.

“I don’t kn–” Barry tried to say but Starsky smacked his head at the wall, finally making him bleed.

“Listen to me punk,” Starsky hissed, pushing his mouth closer to his ear so that no one can hear them. “Yesterday, I simply didn’t like ya, today, I can KILL ya, don’t ever doubt it.” He loosened his hold, letting Maxwell get away from him and to the further possible end of the room, wiping the blood from his face with his sleeves.

“I wanna lawyer,” He said, far more humble this time. Starsky stood still, staring almost transfixed at him. “I WANNA lawyer, didn’cha hear me?!”

“Didn’t *you* hear me, Barry?” Starsky asked dangerously, his eyes clouded with rage. “Sit down.” He muttered, nodding towards the chair two steps away from Maxwell. The guard swallowed uneasy, glancing at the door for salvation. “I said SIT DOWN!” Starsky repeated and this time Barry unwillingly obeyed. “As I said before,” Starsky continued in a cold, monotone voice, his eyes never leaving those of the man sitting in front of him, “I’m not playin’ around so better talk. Why did ya let Prudholm escape? What did he offer you in exchange?”

For a moment Maxwell’s eyes lightened up again. “Revenge,” He repeated the word Prudholm had pronounced with such passion over and over again during his stay in the clinic.

“Revenge?” Starsky echoed, bending slightly over the table. “Against whom?”

Slowly Maxwell slumped back in the chair, his uncertainty from before magically disappearing, as he took pleasure watching Starsky’s expression. “Against the man who ruined my marriage. Against you, Starsky.” His name was pronounced with clear disguise and hatred. “Ah, surprised, aren’t we? I see, my wife apparently hasn’t mentioned why we broke up.”

“She left you because you used her as a spankin’ bag, you animal!”

“Nah, she left me *cause* she’s still got the hots for you. That’s all I was hearing ‘Dave this, Dave that'” He mimicked Alice’s voice. “The little bitch deserved everything she got. I only–”

“Better shut up while you still can! You’re a sick man, Maxwell,” Starsky shouted, getting abruptly from the chair and approaching the other man.

“You are hardly the man of the year either, Starsky,” Barry snorted sarcastically but thought better of it as he saw the dangerous glitter in Starsky’s eyes.

“What’s the deal?” Starsky asked through clenched teeth, the only reason he hadn’t still knocked down the arrogant son of a bitch was that only Maxell could help him find Hutch. “Prudholm kills Alice as a part of his sick game and then finishes me off as well?”

Barry shook his head, playing with a bottom from his uniform. “No…I still care about her, she just needs a little…how to say it… reforming.” He snickered throatily to himself.

Starsky straightened up crossing his arms over his chest barely holding them away from Maxwell “Then why’s Prudholm threatenin’ her? You getting’ cheap thrills outta it?”

Barry shook his head. “No,” he started saying but then grinned smugly, correcting himself. “That’s an added bonus…You know Starsky, the best way ta win the girl is to play the hero. Nothing turns them on more than a little manhandling. They might be running around claiming for equality but deep inside they like it, like to feel weak…like to be saved. ” His face clouded a bit, “Except this time I wasn’t the one she ran to.”

“Y’re brakin’ my heart,” Starsky sighed, suddenly feeling a lot older and heavier. He leaned on the table in front of Maxwell unable to suppress the feeling of absurdness getting hold of him. Two beautiful girls gone only because some psycho had decided to let another, even bigger psycho, on the loose, Starsky snorted bitterly. Aw, God, I have to find Hutch. It was that thought that stirred him back into action, gave him an additional determination. “Where’s he, Maxwell. Where’s Prudholm?” Starsky asked distinctly, bending threateningly over him.

Barry raised his head a little, studying Starsky’s intense features for awhile. “Even if I knew where he is why should I tell ya? As you’ve noticed you’re not among my favorite people.”

The last thread of Starsky’s patience snapped and fiercely he grabbed a handful of Maxwell’s coat, shaking him vigorously. “Don’t play games with me, Maxwell! You and your buddy Prudholm ain’t the only one who can go crazy! If somethin’ happens with Hutch, there ain’t gonna be a whole big enough for ya to hide, got that? Now TALK DAMN IT! WHERE.IS.HE?”

“You can’t do anything, Starsky–” Maxwell gasped out, white as a sheet. “You’re a cop, ‘member?”

Starsky loosened his hold a bit, his lips stretching into a cold smile. “Look at me, Barry,” He whispered softly almost drowsy. “Don’t I look like temporary insane to ya? Cause that’s what my Captain over there’s gonna say. It hasn’t been an easy year for me, y’know–all that stress tends to wear a person down.” Starsky fell silent, giving the other man enough time to comprehend his words. “Where’s he?” He asked once again, pinning him with an intense look. Both men remained quiet for a bit in one last battle of wills and that’s when Barry realized Starsky meant every word he’d said. It was a lose-lose situation.

“I wanna make a deal,” Finally he blurted out in one last attempt to gain something from it. Starsky shook his head firmly.

“You’re down with an accessory to two murders and kidnapping of a police officer, there’s not a thing I can do. But I can guarantee ya’ a bearable and safe stay in jail as you know prison guards ain’t much popular among the natives.” Maxwell tried to protest but Starsky silenced him with a raised finger. “And *that’s* helluva lot more that I do for killers and wife-beaters. So, TALK, I ain’t got time!”

“I-I don’t know-I mean he said something like…’everything will end where it’s started’ or some crap like that. I mean–the man wasn’t in his right mind.”

“You’re one to talk,” Starsky snorted in resentment, walking quickly towards the door and out of the room. Now he got a clue, a damn good clue at that. Hang on, babe, help’s comin’.

*

“Sorry, I left you alone for so long but stealing from supermarkets is getting harder and harder.” Prudholm strode into the room, carrying a bag with provisions.

“Poor, crazy George, people don’t have hearts these days,” Hutch’s voice was dripping with sarcasm which only made the older man’s smile wider.

“Isn’t that the truth. I mean take for example your buddy Starsky. How many people should I kill for him to demonstrate at least a little remorse, hm?”

Hutch’s look hardened and his body tensed. “Remorse? Why should he feel any remorse?” He asked, his voice sounding a bit strained. “He didn’t kill your son.”

Prudholm found the statement tedious like a man who had spent a long time thinking on that matter and was absolutely sure of his positions. “Yeah, not directly,” He explained matter-of-factly. “But he *was* the one to put him in jail where Gary was killed.”

All his instincts told Hutch to leave it at that but apparently his mouth had a spirit of it’s own. “It wasn’t the jail either…it’s you, *you* killed him, George…maybe not directly but if there’s anyone who should feel remorse that’s you.”

There was a quick gleam of recognition in the older man’s eyes, as apparently the thought wasn’t new for him, but his expression reminded unchanged. Prudholm turned away quickly, went to the table and started bringing out of the bag the things he had stolen.

“You remember Terry? You remember what I did with her?” He finally asked in a daze, monotonously reaching in and out of the bag and Hutch recognized the defensive mechanism he had used himself not long ago- As long as you don’t think about it there is no problem. I’ve hit a nerve. “At first I was a little worried since she didn’t die right away but–” He carried on talking mechanically, barely stopping to take a breath.

“You weren’t there for him while he was growing up, right Prudholm? Your wife’s left you, you’re in prison and the little Gary was left all on his own–”

“Stop it! I’m not listening to this!” He shouted angrily, knocking all the products down on the floor with a single swing of his hand.

“–It’s no wonder he messed up with the wrong people. It’s easy to play Daddy now Prudholm! But where were you seven years ago w-when he really needed you?” Hutch wasn’t surprised when Prudholm spun around with a lightning speed, almost blowing Hutch’s head away with the powerful blow he delivered to his left cheek. Hutch hissed in pain, his cheek burning from the impact and remained conscious only by sheer will power. But he *was* quite surprised when he realized Prudholm was not entirely the one he was talking to. It was quite absurd, he knew. George Prudholm is a psychopathic killer, my father…well my father is just a plain insensitive asshole. But still Hutch knew what it was to mess up with the wrong people just to impress Daddy, and probably in Gary’s case make him proud of him.

Prudholm reached into his jacket pocket and produced a small gun, roughly pushing it under Hutch’s chin. “You asked for it, cop!” He snarled maliciously, not a trace left from the smug man just ten minutes ago.

*

“Slow down for Christ sake!” Dobey shouted having the feeling the car was flying. He had started understanding why Hutchinson constantly nagged Starsky for his driving. “You’re gonna get both of us killed!”

“I know where Hutch is,” Starsky shouted back not sure the other man could understand him in all that noise. “The Kennedy High School, that’s where it started, Cap! I arrested his son there!”

“You sure?” Dobey asked.

“Yeah, it’s gotta be there!”

“Then step on it! I’m calling for back up and ambulance.”

*

They studied each other for a couple of long, tense seconds with Hutch trying harder to regain his normal breathing, his ribs making it impossible to take a deep breath. And then Prudholm slowly lowered the gun, looking with almost childish confusion at Hutch.

“I loved my son!” He shouted, waving his gun at Hutch. “Don’t you dare repeat that again!”

“I won’t,” Hutch assured him softly, feeling the older man had reached his limits.

“I loved him, I *really* loved him,” Prudholm continued, his eyes softened and his voice vibrated with emotions. “I didn’t want it to happen that way,” He said brokenly. “And I was going to make it up to him once I was outta jail…He was a good boy, my Gary…”

That was the man who had caused them, had caused Starsky, so much grief and suffering and yet in this moment faced with such total misery, Hutch couldn’t help it but feel pity…and regret for two lives, that of a father and son gone so completely wrong. Still, this moment of clearness for Prudholm was far too precious for Hutch to lose.

“Yes, I believe he was a good boy,” Hutch started calmly, careful not to upset him again. “And I believe he loved you, too. Every son does–no matter how screwed up your relations were…But I, I am also sure that Gary would like you to stop this, George. There’s no point, just let go of–of all that hatred and leave him rest in peace. Come on. Untie me,” Hutch encouraged and for a moment Prudholm looked like he was going to do just that but something snapped in his eyes, the dangerous glitter returning. He delivered another blow in Hutch’s middle instead, and then another, as if he couldn’t stop, leaving the other man struggling for air.

“Shut up, pig! Don’t try messing around with my head. You don’t care for Gary, or for me–Starsky’s the one who killed my son and I’ll be the one to kill his precious partner!” Prudholm pointed the hand he was holding the gun in at Hutch’s direction and released the safety. Hutch squeezed his eyes tightly as three gunshots echoed through the old building.

But instead the pain he expected to endure, the air around him filled with an only too familiar scent, as he felt two smooth and strong arms efficiently freeing him from the ropes and holding him gently.

“I need an ambulance!” Starsky shouted, carefully checking Hutch for any visible injuries and even from the feather-like touches Hutch realized he wasn’t the only one shaking. Their eyes met for a brief moment as Starsky murmured affectionately, his voice cracking at the end, “It’s all over now, buddy, thanks for waitin’. I love ya so much, Blintz.”

Hutch shut his eyes again, moving his cheek slightly away from Starsky’s light caress, not able to endure those exact words right now.

As Starsky was pushed aside from the paramedics it struck him that the whole nightmare with Prudholm might not be the only thing that’s been over. Horrified, he collapsed in the nearest chair watching in a daze the two paramedics thoroughly examining his partner. For a moment their gazes crossed and Starsky felt bitter tears burning at the corner of his own eyes, the look of disappointment and anguish Hutch gave him ware far too much for him to bear. He would have to live with that image for the rest of his life, realizing that Prudholm wasn’t the one to cause them. Knowing Hutch’s life wasn’t at stake, Starsky bent his head, staring at the wooden floor beneath him and didn’t lift it until he felt a gentle pat on the shoulder.

“Come on, Starsky,” Dobey prod gently. “I’ll give you a lift to the hospital.”

Despite feeling a little light-headed Starsky nodded, raising heavily from the chair and went out of the building and inside the Torino.

*

Absent mindedly, Starsky scratched his signature at the bottom of the form the nurse had offered him and headed for Hutch’s room, a strange feeling of deja vu haunting him. How many more hospitals, how many more close calls, how many more hours waiting in anticipation for the doctor to come? Starsky sighed, finally reaching the stairs and taking two at a time. Hutch was going to be fine and that’s what mattered. Two cracked ribs, a bump on the head and a couple of bruises were not so bad considering what the sick bastard was capable of doing. But why then Starsky felt so uneasy? He finally reached Hutch’s room and stood in front of the door, not knowing what to do. Why did he have the desire to run away from it ? ‘Cause you don’t want the fairy tail to be over, Starsky answered the question himself and after a single knock he pushed the door open.

Hutch looked up from the magazine he’s been holding for the last fifteen minutes not having the slightest idea what it was about and turned towards Starsky, the blue eyes softening a bit as he noted the scruffy look and the tortured expression his partner had.

“Hey,” Starsky offered a light smile. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He closed the door behind him and made a couple of awkward steps towards the bed. Hutch looked drained, motionless…and sad and more than anything else Starsky wanted to offer some comfort but instead he thrust his hands deep into his pockets, fearing that if he tried even the slightest touch Hutch would throw him out of the room.

“Yeah…well, I’m not the only one lacking my beauty sleep,” Hutch replied evenly, pointedly studying Starsky whom in turn quickly looked away from the penetrating gaze. Like a guilty child, Hutch thought and exhaled audibly–there was one thing he couldn’t endure and it was seeing Starsky that way. “C’mon, Starsky, promise not to bite,” Hutch muttered, patting the bed next to him.

Starsky was there in the matter of seconds, sitting carefully as not to jostle Hutch any further. “Ah…the doctor said that you may go home tomorrow,” He said, risking a quick glance at Hutch whose expression reminded unchanged. It all felt surreal, being so close to the man he loved and in the same time feeling alone, almost empty. But for now Starsky decided not to push it, accepting the little he was offered and realizing how much it might’ve cost Hutch.

“That’s fine I guess…Never liked staying in hospitals anyway.” There was a brief silence, as neither of them knew how to continue. “How’d you find me?” Hutch asked at last, as this being the only thing his brain could come up with.

“Huh?” Starsky raised his head.

“I asked how you found me,” Hutch repeated patiently.

“Oh, that. Uh, Maxwell–he was the one to let Prudholm. He’s Alice’s husband–the man used to beat the crap outta her but was sure that ain’t the reason she left him.”

“What did he think?” Hutch asked impassively, not taking pity of his partner’s obvious uneasiness towards the subject.

“That she left ‘im ’cause of me,” Starsky muttered almost inaudibly but Hutch heard him nevertheless.

“I see,” He looked away part of the exasperation from last night returning.

“No, you don’t,” Starsky replied calmly, taking Hutch’s hand in his but the blond pulled it away sharply.

“Don’t…Nothing’s changed from yesterday, Starsky.”

Startled from the sudden harsh words, Starsky gaped at his lover, slowly refraining his hand. “Right.” Upset he got up from the bed, turning away from Hutch to get hold of his emotions.

“What did you expect Starsky?!” Hutch raised his voice, finally giving a way for some of the annoyance and distress he felt. “A pat on the shoulder, a go-get-her-tiger? I’m not the bad guy here! Where did ya get off–fucking her brains out on the couch a-and then coming here acting all hurt on me!”

Slowly Starsky turned back, facing Hutch again and not caring if his partner could see his pain, just the opposite, he *wanted* Hutch to know exactly how much his word had stung. “Sometimes…sometimes it feels like I don’t know ya at all, Hutch–” Starsky’s voice wavered unsteadily and he lowered his eyes to the ground. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” He said and turned towards the door ready to leave.

“Starsk–,” Hutch’s voice, even though it was barely a whisper, held such complete misery and vulnerability, which Starsky couldn’t ignore. “Tell m-me–tell me it didn’t matter …that it was a one-night thing…Tell me you still l-love me…”

For the second time that day Starsky felt his own eyes moistening with tears and his mouth opened but didn’t produce a sound. Hutch had never asked him to explain…he had acted as a judge and jury and found him guilty. And what plagued him even more was that his partner seemed convinced Starsky was able to throw everything they’d built together for a quick roll in the sack…and that hurt. “I love you,” Starsky’s shaky voice filled the quiet room. “I always will–don’t ever doubt that, babe.” With that he turned away and hurried for the door closing it on his way out of the room.

*

Hutch heard the disconnecting click from the other end of the line and stiffly extended his arm, returning the telephone back on the nightstand. It hadn’t been as hard as Hutch had imagined it to be. Sure the Captain had put up some resistance at first but he suspected it was more to keep his tough image intact than disagreeing with Hutch’s request. By the end of their conversation he had even offered him his cabin but the blond detective doubted he’d make use of the generous offer–far too many memories, and that was exactly what he didn’t need right now. Hutch wanted to forget…and if possible to forgive; He didn’t liked what he was feeling right now. It wasn’t like him.

He’d been thinking the whole evening, restlessly twisting and turning in the bed for the better part of the night and all he could come up with was that he needed some time off–Yup, ladies and gentlemen the great Kenneth Hutchinson is running and for the life of it I don’t care; he needed It, if he wanted to save the little sanity he’d left, Hutch had to get away from Starsky.

There was a knock on the door and he straightened up a bit fully expecting it to be Starsky ready to pick him up. But instead of the rich blue eyes Hutch come up to a pair of brown ones accompanied with long blonde hair.

“That’s a surprise!” Hutch said with a sarcastic cheerfulness.

Alice smiled at him not a bit intimidated from Hutch’s hostility. She had expected it-that man was one of the finest individuals from the opposite sex she had encountered but he sure knew how to bite when he wanted to.

“How do you feel, Ken?” She asked, taking a few steps closer to the bed.

“Lovely,” Hutch snorted, irritated with Alice’s casual manner and even more irritated with himself for falling for it. “What do you want Alice? If you’re looking for Starsky he isn’t here.”

“I know,” She replied lightly, her eyes shining with amusement. “He’s still at his place resting-didn’t get much sleep last night.” She knew she was on a shaky ground but simply couldn’t resist.

Hutch’s looked hardened, his chin rising up with indignation. “You’d better leave,” He said, his voice low and dangerous.

“Aw, don’t give me that look, Ken.” She wriggled her bandaged hand in front of him. “Remember, I had it from the best. And you’re not even close so stop playing the bad boy, will you!”

“It’s helluva lot better than playing the fool, don’t you think?!” And then more calmly, “Look, I’m sure you’ve come here for some reason so tell me whatever it is and let’s get it over with.”

Her expression sobered and she took a deep breath. “No more games then. Look, Ken, no matter what you think of me, generally I’m *not* a bad person. I don’t…I don’t make a habit out of chasing already…committed men. What I’m trying to say is…that thing the other night–it was all my fault and–”

“Alice,” Hutch interrupted her saying, if not gently, at least without the resentment she had felt before. “For *that thing* it takes two people, I–”

“See, I really don’t have time for that, my plane is leaving in about,” She checked the watched on he uninjured wrist, “about one hour so you’d better listen because I’ve got no time to repeat. There is no *that thing*,” She made a couple of quotes in the air to emphasize her words. “The only thing Dave and I shared that night was one lousy kiss which *I* tricked him into. I hate to admit it, and it only happened because I was drunk, but I manipulated him into bending over me and then I…well, I am not proud of myself but I kinda grabbed him and kissed him. And you of course chose exactly that moment to dash into the room…Uh, Ken, can you at least blink so that I know you’re still with me?” If the situation hadn’t been so serious she would’ve been amused at the expression of utter shock on Hutch’s face.

“Why–,” Hutch’s voice cracked and he tried again. “Why the hell hasn’t Starsky told me about that?”

“Because,” Alice spread her arms wildly in the air, “He’s even bigger fool than you’re and you two completely deserve each other! Seriously, Ken, I don’t know, we’ve talked a little last night and from there I’ve gathered he hasn’t told you…And since I feel guilty for everything I decided that it’s the least I owe you.” Quickly she approached the bed, bending over Hutch and planting a light kiss on Hutch’s cheek. “I hope,” She giggled, their faces only inches apart, “I really hope he wouldn’t burst through that door right now ’cause I don’t think I’ll get away with it for a second time.”

Hutch smiled too, the first real smile he had spared for the last two days and took Alice’s hand in his bigger one squeezing it gently. “You’re something very special, you know that right?”

“You see, and only ten minutes ago you wanted to throw me outta the room,” She smiled again at Hutch’s embarrassment and quickly rose from the bed. “Now I gotta go, take care, Ken!”

“Hey, hey wait a minute–Where’re you going?” Hutch tried to get up as well but his ribs didn’t quite agree with the sudden movement and he fell back into the bed.

“Oh, that…Well, after all that happened I decided to call my dad–after all he *was* right that Barry was far from the man of my dreams. Anyway, we talked over an hour and I think we’re moving in the right direction. He offered me to come with him on his business trip to Europe and here I am–going to Paris, Milan, London…Uh, that’s if, of course, I actually manage to reach the airport in time.” She winked at Hutch who was watching her and apparently not falling for her hyper exited mood. “Don’t look at me that way, Hutch,” Her smile never faltered but her eyes held a certain note of seriousness. “Yes, I’ve been hurt, yes, it wasn’t easy for me to come here *and* yes, I would lie if I tell you I didn’t have feelings for David…But I received a second chance to start my life again–and *that* is a lot more than some of the women in my situation have, right?”

“Right,” Hutch confirmed, even though he found it far from fair, but who said life must be fair. “Take care, Alice.”

“I will,” She promised and gave him one last smile before getting out of the room.

*

Starsky dashed in Hutch’s hospital room nearly half an hour later, looking like something the cat had the insensitivity to drag in, with dark circles under even darker blue uninterested eyes, and Hutch felt a stab of worry that his partner had driven all the way across the city in that state. But why is he doing that to himself, why doing it to me? Why not just tell me? That was the one million dollars question and Hutch intended to get to the bottom of the story *even* if it meant more pain for both of them.

When Starsky’s gaze felt on Hutch, he studied him quickly, looking for any signs of discomfort. “You feelin’ alright?” He asked anyway, wanting to be sure.

“Yeah, nothing that some good night sleep won’t heal,” Hutch replied, shifting up in the bed with some difficulties and swiftly Starsky was there, efficiently adjusting the pillows so that they could take some of the pressure off Hutch’s back.

“Thanks,” Hutch muttered breathlessly, feeling a little dizzy from the effect the closeness of the familiar body had on him.

Still bent over Hutch, Starsky raised his head from his task, their eyes meeting in one long, intense look more expressive than thousands of words–the love was still there, as strong as ever, but it was accompanied or rather shadowed by hurt feelings, by broken links.

His eyes still locked with Hutch’s, Starsky said in a hushed voice vibrating with emotions. “I’m so sorry you got hurt, Hutch.” He couldn’t hold any longer, the stress and terror from the last few days finally catching up with him as Starsky buried his hand in the soft golden hair, desperately needing the brief contact even though it could be faced with rejection.

But Hutch didn’t push him away further more he leaned into the gentle hand, treasuring the precious touch. No matter how fucked up their relationship was right now Starsky needed the closeness…damn it, Hutch needed it as well.

“I am so damn sorry…If I hadn’t–,” Starsky tried to continue but his voice wavered uncertainly and he pressed his lips firmly, letting his eyes speak for him.

“But you did, Starsk,” Hutch assured with quiet intensity that always got through his partner. “You did and that’s what counts.”

“Yeah.” Starsky said without conviction and straightened up getting hold of his emotions and quickly withdrew his hand from the silky hair, which left Hutch with a strange feeling of loss. “I brought you some clothes you’ve left in my place,” Starsky forced out, as he reached into the bag he carried and produced a pair of clean jeans and a pullover. “Can you manage?” He gestured at the clothes but didn’t spare Hutch a look.

“I can try,” Hutch replied not without a dose of irritation at the awkwardness between them. With some effort, he sat on the edge of the bed, using all his will power as not to grasp from the sudden discomfort he felt, clumsily struggling into the warm pullover. The jeans though were a whole new challenge all by itself and Hutch didn’t even want to think about the shoes. Determined not to ask for help, he pressed his lips tightly, took the neatly folded jeans and started bending so he could slip his legs into the openings. However, this time he couldn’t help the low moan escaping him and Starsky spun around quickly, surveying the sweaty, pale face and uptight body of his partner.

Cursing softly Hutch’s stubbornness and his own insensitivity, Starsky kneeled in front of him, his mouth a little dry at the sight of the long, smooth legs and snatched out the jeans from Hutch’s hands. “Could’ve asked for help, you dump Blond,” Starsky’s deep voice softening the harsh words as he set on the task of dressing his partner with as little touching as possible.

But even the slightest contact with Starsky’s fingers made Hutch’s body respond in a way that wasn’t acceptable right now. On impulse Hutch’s form tensed up and he looked away from the man kneeling in front of him, slightly embarrassed by the thoughts rushing into head.

Totally misinterpreting the gesture, Starsky rose to his full height, snorting with annoyance. “Oh, I forgot you didn’t fancy me touchin’ ya any more, huh? Don’t worry Hutch I ain’t about to jump all over you and ravish your delicate features!”

“I’m not your type right? Wrong build, wrong eyes, *wrong* *gender*.” Hutch snapped back and got abruptly from the bed and out of the room, slamming the door after him not caring a bit he was without his jacket and his left shoe hadn’t been tied up yet.

*

The drive in the car was silent at the best with Starsky paying extra attention to the road and Hutch to the sights they were passing. It was stupid Hutch realized, this whole situation, their behavior were plain idiotic; there was nothing more he wanted right now than to pull Starsky into a tight embrace, to feel the strong body firmly pressed to his, to inhale its familiar scent.

He risked a quick glance at his partner, noting the uptight posture and the clenched jaw, radiating determination. But why? Why prolong this masochistic torture for both of them? Why not just come out front and tell Hutch the truth? A part of Hutch hated…no that wasn’t the right word–most likely feared this passiveness so unlike Starsky; it made him want to shake some sense into the stubborn head, to yell at Starsky to do something for Christ’s sake. Hutch looked away with a frown as he realized that he was beginning to stare and that made his partner nervous. He was missing something–something very important by the sight of it that was nagging Starsky.

After a couple of more minutes spent in similar fashion they finally reached Venice Place and Starsky pulled into the street turning off the engine. He got out of the car without a second glance at Hutch, taking the bag with his partner’s few possessions from the hospital and together they went up the stairs.

“So that’s it, huh?” Hutch asked not able to hold the bitterness out of his voice as Starsky stood at the door-sill not coming in. “It was nice knowing you and so on, right Starsky?

“What do ya want me to say Hutch!?” Suddenly Starsky’s temper returned as he stepped into the apartment, slamming the door behind him, his eyes daring Hutch. “I ain’t the one who’s leavin’! Or you thought I didn’t know? What–do you planed on leaving me a letter or–or callin’ from the airport?! Do you think the last couple of days have been fun for me?” Starsky put his arms around Hutch’s shoulders, squeezing gently to make his point. “*I* *nearly* *lost* ya Hutch,” he said with quite intensity. “I damn near lost the only person in this whole world I’ve ever loved. And ever since that the only thing we seem to be doin’ is snappin’ at each other…hurtin’ each other…and I don’t like it ’cause we’re gettin’ so good at it!”

“Then do somethin’ about it, damn you!” Hutch shouted back, pushing away Starsky’s hands, his voice filling the silent room. “WHY didn’t you tell me Starsk?” He accused, eyes wide open, leaving Starsky no room for misunderstanding. “Oh, yeah, that’s right-you’re not the only one with secret sources! Look at me–Can’t you see what’s this d-doing to me? To US, dammit?! Why didn’t you tell me *the truth*?”

“Didja ever ASK me Hutch?” Starsky seemed to snap out from the daze state he had been in, ready to face Hutch’s anger with a doze of his own. “NO! You never gave me a chance to explain! You just assumed right off I was guilty–”

Not believing his ears, Hutch spread his arms in the air oblivious to the discomfort this gesture brought him. “For God’s sake Starsky! I SAW you–I saw you with my own eyes. You were all over each other! What was I supposed to think? That you were *rough-housing*?” Hutch’s voice got a tone higher by the end of the sentence, making it clear he found Starsky’s accusations absurd. “Come on, Starsky, tell what was I supposed to do, huh? Come into the room like nothing happened? Probably sit calmly between you two, pat you on the knee, and say something like ‘Yup, you’ve just ripped my heart off, Starsky, but, you see, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation. Let’s hear it, lover boy’!”

“Cut the sarcastic bullshit Hutch!” Starsky’s voice came out cutting and harsh and he took a deep breath to calm down a little. What he was going to say was far more important to screw up with anger. “I *love* you Hutch and I want forever…but you just can’t built forever without trust. Yesterday at the hospital–I wanted to tell you everything…I *longed* to kiss you until we both struggled for breath and then just hold you in my arms, damn with the consequences.” Starsky watched as Hutch’s eyes softened a bit and he took a few steps towards him. “But *something* deep in here,” Starsky tapped his chest with his fist, “told me it would be a mistake. Yes, you had the right to feel hurt or mad…but, damn it, Hutch, didn’t you at least consider the possibility it ain’t what it seemed? I mean we’ve known each other for ages! I’d do anything for ya, babe, I thought you knew that–Christ you’re the only reason I’ve lived through Gunther… I love you that much. And the thing that scares the hell outta me, Hutch, is that you really thought I was able to hurt you that way…*me* of all people?” Starsky concluded breathlessly, studying his partner who had buried his chin in his chest, refusing to meet his partner’s gaze. Starsky sighed and quickly shortened the distance between them, raising a tentative hand to caress the golden hair. “Say somethin’, babe,” He whispered hoarsely and was amazed when finally the blond head rose up a bit and he saw the light-blue eyes swimming in tears.

“I’m sorry, Starsk…I fucked up r-royally-” Hutch’s voice broke and he looked away embarrassed.

Starsky couldn’t take that any longer and wrapped his arms around Hutch holding on for dear life as the other man silently cried on his shoulder. “We both fucked up, love. God knows what I’d’ve done in your place.”

“No, Starsk, it’s me…” Hutch pulled back a bit, their eyes meeting. “I *trust* you, I swear I do. How else have we stayed alive for so many years on the streets? It’s just…” Hutch felt silent, searching for the right words and Starsky patiently waited for him to continue, catching a couple of rolling tears with his thumb. “Starsk, you’re the single most special person in my life…you’re beautiful, funny, gentle…everything I’ve wished for–how the hell am I suppose to keep such an *extraordinary* man interested for the rest of our lives since I couldn’t hold *Vanessa* interested for more than two years? And she is nothing compared to you, babe.”

“Hutch–” Starsky gasped out in amazement, that being the last thing he’d expected to hear, but Hutch traced a gentle finger along the full lips, silencing him efficiently.

“I know you love me, Starsky…a person don’t do the crazy things you do on regular basis to watch over me only cause he likes me…and I know you’re in love with me…I can see it in your eyes even now. But when I walked into your place that night–I dunno, all that knowledge, all that certainty just disappeared…all I could think of was that image of the two you tattooed in my brain.” Ashamed Hutch looked away not really certain he should go on.

“Come on, babe, get it all out,” Starsky encouraged gently, rubbing soothing circles at Hutch’s back, sensing the worst part was just ahead.

“It’s nothing…I-I just…I r-really wasn’t in my right mind after I left your p-place Starsk.” Hutch took a raspy breath, doing his best to stop the irritating stutter.

“It’s alright, Hutch, there’s no hurry,” Starsky assured him, placing a few feather-light kisses on his lover’s face as he felt Hutch relaxing a bit.

“I went to that bar…had a couple of drinks too much I g-guess…and then I heard some song that reminded me of us, got sick and went to the bathroom…And then as I was splashing some water on my face I…my eye fell on my piece…I-I was really out of it, Starsk–”

The anguished moan that escaped Starsky’s throat made Hutch look up quickly seeing the cold terror, gripping his partner’s features. Fiercely Starsky captured him in an intense hug, desperately needing to feel Hutch’s relatively healthy but surly alive and breathing body against his own. “Aw, God, babe,” Starsky managed to gasp out shakily, “If something had happened, only cause I was idiotic enough not to tell you-”

He couldn’t continue as Hutch’s captured his lover’s mouth in his own, pulling the smaller man against him. Starsky moaned in the back of his throat as he granted the eager tongue admittance into his mouth, enjoying the familiar taste. He let his arms wander over the only too familiar body finally stopping on the tight ass, squeezing it with delight, feeling in turn Hutch’s hands stoking his hair. Their first kiss for nearly two days was strong, firm and deep leaving both of them gasping for air.

Starsky’s hands went up again this time cupping Hutch’s face, two pairs of blue eyes studying each other. “Before we get carried away Hutch I just want to say this–I’m terribly sorry I didn’t tell ya the truth yesterday and saved *you* and *me* one more sleepless night in hell…And I wish it was possible for ya to take just a tiny little peek into my soul and see how damn happy you make me just standin’ here with me. And I wish you’d finally get it through that beautiful head of yours that *the only* reason I wake up every day is ’cause of you…There can’t be *me* without *you*, love, as you’re the other half of my soul…And I feel so damn lucky to have found you since there’re millions of people out there who live through their *whole* life without being able to love *and* be loved the way we do, ” Starsky’s voice wavered, caught by the look of tenderness and love shining on Hutch’s face.

“Starsk…” Hutch protested weakly at the kind words, said with such sincerity and openness. But the truth was he loved every sound of it.

“No, let me finish. You’re my strength and weakness, my salvation, my anchor–the one that makes me *extraordinary*.” With extra care Starsky took Hutch’s hand in his and brought it up to his lips, kissing his ring finger. And then he slowly kneeled in front of his lover, still holding Hutch’s hand and raised his head so that he could look into Hutch’s eyes while he talked. “What I’m tryin’ to say is…I can’t offer you much, Hutch–you know what cop’s salaries are and I can’t even give you a ring right now…but I swear, I swear, Kenneth Hutchinson, that if you marry me, I’ll love you for better for worse, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer, even *after* death do us part. Will you marry me Hutch?”

Staring down at the bottomless dark-blue eyes, Hutch saw all the genuineness and love the words had been pronounced with and this time the tears that burnt in his eyes and clouded his vision were from happiness. “I will,” He mouthed, for a couple of brief seconds forgetting how to speak. “I will,” Hutch repeated again more firmly and with that he went down on his knees next to his lover not sure he could stand up now even if he wanted to. In his turn he took Starsky’s hand in his own and kissed it as their eyes met again, exchanging thousands of emotions at once they couldn’t find the words for.

“I swear,” Hutch started in a low, solemn although a bit shaky voice, “I swear that if you marry me David Starsky I’ll dedicate the rest of my days to make you the happiest man in this world. I’ll love you for better for worse, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer even after death do us part…And I promise you that some day…I don’t care if it is after 30-40 years or if we’re in the remotes part of the world, we’ll be standing in some big, beautiful hall, both of us in tuxedos and I’ll repeat the exactly same words in front of as many people as I can find. Will you marry me Starsk and make me the luckiest man ever existed?”

Hutch’s only answer was a raspy “I will” and then a kiss. But not an ordinary kiss, as if something between them had ever been ordinary or simple. No, it was the gentlest, most exiting, stunning and world-shattering kiss either of them’d had; a merging of bodies as well as souls.

“I love ya Hutch,” Starsky managed in between gasps for breath as he captured Hutch’s face in his hands leading him towards the bed. Once in the comfort of their bedroom they exchanged a few more loving kisses and touches, needing the physical closeness.

“I love you too, babe. So much it’s scares me…”

Starsky pulled away slightly and studied Hutch’s features while caressing the still body. “What is it love? There’s something more that’s botherin’ you, right?”

Hutch snuggled closer into the welcoming embrace, playfully nipping Starsky’s ear. “I really don’t want to spoil the mood, Starsk…it just stuck me that if Alice hadn’t told me…right now I could’ve been miles away.”

Starsky shifted easily in the bed, propping on an elbow to gain a better vision of the troubled face. “I don’t think so, Hutch,” Starsky stated with a genuine smile and pulled the golden jewel from beneath Hutch’s pullover, studying it for a moment before returning his gaze over it’s owner. “Remember what ya promised me back then when I gave it to you?” The corners of his mouth rising up again into a loving smile and Hutch answered it with one of his own, nodding slightly in reply. ” You said, and I’m quoting: ‘If some day I get so blinded and for some damned reason decide to leave you I won’t go further. Because the truth is I couldn’t, Starsk. It isn’t possible now,’. You’re many things Hutch but a liar you ain’t. At least not when it’s somethin’ important.”

“And what more important than the man of my life.” Hutch winded his arms around Starsky’s neck and pulled him closer. “Make love to me, Starsk,” He whispered huskily into his ear, bringing their mouths together for a long, passionate kiss.

“Sorry, babe, nothin’ too acrobatic for the followin’ couple of days, doctor’s orders,” Starsky managed and Hutch let out a long-suffering sigh.

“C’mon Starsk you can’t be serious…We’re married now and I want to consummate our relationship,” Hutch grumbled, undoing Starsky’s upper bottom.

“I hate to break it up to ya, blondie, but we’ve consummated our relationship long before the marriage and neither of us can pass for a *virgin* any more.” Starsky wriggled his eyebrows over twinkling dark blue eyes and despite his discontent Hutch let out a throaty chuckle. “And despite that,” Starsky continued a little breathlessly as Hutch’s hot mouth had finally captured his nipple and was now suckling in eagerly, “we’ve got two whole weeks for that.”

“Huh?” Hutch left his pleasurable task for a moment, looking questionably towards his lover. “How’s that?”

“Finally got your attention, huh?” He grinned smugly at Hutch and kissed the tip of his nose. “Our fair and dauntless leader called me up right after he talked to you. He assumed that since you’re takin’ two weeks off that applies for me too.”

“Good ol’ Dobey, right?”

“Yeah,” Starsky confirmed radiantly, “must’ve sensed there’s somethin’ wrong between us and he reached into the bag of tricks right off.” Starsky rolled over the other side of the bed, extending his left arm in invitation as Hutch happily obliged and cuddled into the cozy embrace, enjoying it’s warmth.

“So we’re going to Pine Lake for our honeymoon…not bad at all–can consider it as Dobey’s wedding present,” Hutch quipped and Starsky laughed out, planting a gentle kiss over Hutch’s head. Both of them fell silent simply enjoying the closeness.

“Hutch,” Starsky whispered after a bit, not wanting to disturb his lover if he was asleep.

“Yes,” Hutch replied raising his head to meet Starsky’s eyes.

“Will ya mind if we drop by the cemetery tomorrow morning…I wanna say goodbye to Nancy and Lora.”

“No…not at all, buddy,” Hutch said petting the curly hair. “As long as it didn’t bring up more misplaced guilt.”

“It won’t. I don’t feel guilty anymore…at least not that way. The only thing I can do now it to live my life–to be happy for both of them.”

“And that’s something I can contribute to right now, love,” Hutch said, pulling Starsky into another sweet kiss.