In Loving Memory 2025

I wrote this in 1996. I hope you don’t find it too upsetting.

The wind moaned its way through the day bringing with it flecks of rain from a slate grey November sky. He stood at the graveside reading over and over the name so tender and warm chiselled into the cold hard stone, making it seem softer somehow.

He pulled his collar up further against the biting wind as the winter chill became more persistent. Then uncontrolled unashamed tears ran a marathon down his tired weathered face. He shivered slightly in his grief, thinking, remembering.
It had been over two years now, but every month he came without fail – every month he stood there staring at cold stone, dying flowers, silent earth.

He came like an old soldier visiting a war memorial, paying his respects: in loving memory. Each time he brought wild flowers – he used to love them best, the cornflowers were the colour of his eyes when they were full of life, animated and vibrant.

“Oh God Hutch, it hurts still, still so much.”

Of course one day it had to come, it’s obvious we all have to die, leave this life. He lost count of how many times he thought about him, went back in his mind to their times together – on the force, their families, laughter, tears, pain, glory; the women they loved. They were soul brother’s, best friends, pieces of a jigsaw he was sure of that, but the pain of the missing piece was still sharp and cruel. It was as if he had lost part of himself, that’s all he could say…

“One day we’ll meet again brother,” Starsky said, swallowing tears.

He thought of all Hutch’s strength and pride near the end which he admired so much. Memories crossed his mind like twisted vines – he thought of Megan – dear sweet Megan, Hutch’s wife; he loved her too, she was so right for Hutch with her Welsh passion and pride, her sweetness and beauty. He thought of his darling Rebecca who passed away a year before Hutch – God how he loved her and would give anything to bring her back, his sweet wonderful English rose. How Hutch was there and comforted him when he thought he’s fall apart when he lost her, even when he knew it wouldn’t be long until his own death…

“Uncle Dave, Uncle Dave! I thought you’d be here.”

He turned slowly to see Jess, her anxious figure walking swiftly towards him – she was so like Hutch; sweet, headstrong, sensitive and her eyes… every time he looked at her, he saw Hutch, she definitely had her father’s eyes and her mother’s dark soft curling hair and bright warming smile. She loved Dave and thought of him always as an uncle.

“You’ll catch a dreadful cold, it’s freezing!” she said, rearranging his scarf and pulling up his collar. “How about coming home with me and I’ll make you a nice warm cocoa.”

She saw the tears in his eyes and at that moment his eighty-two years showed vivid on his face. He forced a smile for her, she was wonderful and he thought of her as a daughter.

“I miss Dad so much too,” she said swallowing unwanted painful tears but not before they reached her stormy sky-blue eyes; she adored her Father and Mother.

“Come here,” Starsky said, holding her head against his chest. “We all loved, love Hutch, who couldn’t?”

“I’m so proud of him – you too, Uncle Dave,” she said staring into his face; she sighed deeply. “Come on, Mum’s made one of your favourites apple and blackberry pie.”

“How can I resist those eyes,” he said “and your half Welsh, half American charm, you’re beautiful.”

She smiled back at him as he smiled his lop sided grin, she was so fond of. She dried her eyes and said, “Remember what Dad used to always say if anyone was crying?”

“Yeah, I remember – don’t cry your tears for me, keep them for the sea,” they said together.

She put her arm through his as they walked slowly along the pathway. “You know Uncle Dave he’s here, he’s always here with us.”

“I know honey, I know – he’ll never go away as long as we live, it’s just that we can’t see him that’s all; it doesn’t make the pain any easier though, does it?”

“No,” she said, “no it doesn’t. He had a wonderful eighty years though.”

“He certainly did!” Starsky said smiling.

Just at that moment he could have sworn he heard him, felt him in the wind. It was a freezing winter’s day, but all at once suddenly a warm feeling ran right through his body.