In Pursuit of a White Rabbit

There was a white rabbit in front of him. Six foot tall, wearing a waistcoat and jacket, sitting in the centre of the warehouse, checking its pocket watch and looking around frantically. Starsky blinked and wiped his eyes vigorously with the back of his hand, but the apparition remained.

“Stay where you are,” he warned the giant anthropomorphic rabbit, but the creature didn’t obey. It took one startled look at Starsky and took off across the warehouse. Starsky followed, but found it difficult to keep up. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He pushed past the discomfort in his pursuit of the rabbit.

Starsky chased the rabbit up a metal staircase, along the catwalk that ran all long the length of the warehouse and through a door leading to some offices. Along the way Starsky kept encountering other strange creatures, including a dodo bird that jumped out of a cupboard and a door mouse that pounced at his face. He dodged around these obstacles, never loosing sight of his main target.

It was in the end office that the white rabbit was caught. The office was mostly empty apart from an up-turned chair, a desk and a toadstool with a blue caterpillar sitting on it, smoking.

The white rabbit stopped at the window and looked out. There was no fire escape and no way the rabbit could jump out without breaking something.

“Don’t move,” Starsky warned. “You’re under arrest.” It sounded ridiculous to say out loud. What was he arresting this rabbit for, stealing Easter eggs? Starsky’s head was so muddled he couldn’t remember what was going on. He just knew this rabbit had done something wrong and was under arrest.

The caterpillar he had no clue about. Or the smiling flowers that were blooming from between the the floorboards. They were distracting enough for him to take his eyes off the rabbit for a moment who pointed his pocket watch at Starsky. But it wasn’t a pocket watch. The image blurred a little, making it look like a gun. It was raised and aimed at Starsky’s head.

Without another thought, Starsky fired at the rabbit, hitting it in the shoulder. It fell backwards, slumped against the wall, howling in pain.

Starsky was suddenly in need of sitting down himself and that’s just what his body did, collapsing amongst the flowers. They all had faces, but some were distorted and looked more like Halloween masks. The caterpillar slowly morphed into a smiling cat who rolled around on the toad stall, parts of its body phasing in and out.

To add to the insane visions, the Mad March Hare entered the room. First he spotted the injured white rabbit and then crouched down beside Starsky.

“Starsk?” the Mad March Hare asked, sounding a lot like Hutch. “Are you hurt?”

“I shot the white rabbit,” Starsky said, pointing lazily to the crying figure in the corner.

“White rabbit?” The Hare placed a paw on the side of Starsky’s face and looked deeply into his eyes.

“I think you got a sniff of that hallucinogen,” the Hare said, sounding concerned. “We need a medic in here!”

“No need to shout, Mr Hare.” Starsky giggled. Everything was suddenly so funny.

“Starsk, it’s Hutch.” He sighed. “We were on a drug bust, remember?”

Drug bust? Hallucinogen? That would explain the colourful flower growing up the side of his arm.

“You get the drugs?” Starsky asked.

“Yeah and you got the drug dealer.” He pointed to the white rabbit.

“I got the hop on him.” Starsky laughed hysterically at his own bad pun.

Hutch/Hare rolled his eyes. “This stuff better wear off soon.”

“If it doesn’t, we’ll just have to follow Alice back up the rabbit hole.” With a giggle Starsky passed out.

The caterpillar, Mad March Hare and white rabbit were gone by the time Starsky got back from the hospital, but the copy of Alice in Wonderland was still sat on the bedside table where he’d left it.