Lady of Spain

A frustrated woman with computer problems meets a stranger. Yes, folks, it’s a “Mary Sue piece.”

Setting – September 2006. I wrote this little “Mary Sue” snippet as a gift for a list sib of mine who was having problems with her computer. Her friend mentioned in the story is her friend’s real name. It was the inspiration for the scene. I had no beta readers for this. Any errors are all mine. Completed: September 2006.

The lady was ready to scream. Anyone looking at the sparks in her green eyes could tell that she was ready to take a hammer to that pile of junk, that frustrating marriage between plastic and electronics, and smash it to tiny little pieces.

Three times Elisa (Eli to her friends) had taken her computer to an “expert”. Each time she took the “fixed” machine home and plugged it up — nothing. Zilch. Nada. Well, once it blinked at her, but that did not count.

Eli’s friend Ramon had been no help either. He was sweet. He tried. However, she thought he probably had made the problem, whatever it was, worse somehow. Although, how it could get any worse than it was right now was a mystery to her.

Therefore, here she was in line, waiting for the fourth time to get this stupid computer store to get her stupid computer back up and running. If it did not work this time, she just might have to buy a stupid gun, come back here, and take all these stupid people hostages until somebody got the stupid thing fixed! Jodido ordenador!

All right, so that was just a silly fantasy, but she needed something to occupy her mind to help keep her from screaming right here in the middle of the store. Besides, Ramon probably would not want to come bail her out of jail.

“Excuse me. Ma’am?”

Eli jumped. A man’s voice from behind her had startled her out of her daydreaming.

“Are you all right? Ah … let’s see … ¿Usted habla ingles?”

The frustrated woman turned, a frown still etched on her face. Then, Eli found herself looking up into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. After she got past the eyes (although that took a bit of doing), she became aware of the handsome man’s kind and concerned expression. Mostly by the terrible Spanish accent, she knew immediately that he was an American, but also by the way he was dressed. He just had that look about him. If nothing else, the camera hanging around his neck was a sure sign of a tourist.

“Yes. I do speak English.” That about all she could force out of her mouth. The man was definitely older than Eli was, but he was still so very nice looking, tanned, with short, dark, curly hair that had just a slight hint of gray.

“Thank goodness! My Spanish stinks.” Now, a completely charming smile made his face even more attractive.

“Ya know, you haven’t answered my question. Are you all right? I’m afraid you’ve been mumblin’ to yourself. I heard ‘estúpido’ a lot. That means ‘stupid’, right? And, it’s pretty obvious you must be havin’ computer problems.” He pointed to the despised machine she was holding. “But, I coulda sworn I heard ‘pistola’, too. I musta made a mistake about that one. A pretty lady like you wouldn’t really be talkin’ about a gun, now would you?” He had the nerve to flash that wonderful smile again.

Eli guessed he was in his late 50’s, but it was hard to tell. There was so much youth in his demeanor. She could not frown any longer. How could anyone while looking into this man’s smiling face and twinkling eyes?

“Oh. I am fine, just frustrated. Thank you. Was I really mumbling? I am sorry if I bothered you. I must be more annoyed than I thought. You are right. My computer is not working. The people here have worked on it three times and so has Ramon. I am afraid it is still dead.”

“You didn’t bother me. Not at all. ¿Está Ramon aquí?” The stranger, for some odd reason, had just tried his Spanish on her again and then looked as if he had just told a joke. Strange. In addition, his accent was still awful, but who really cared when the voice came from such a handsome and charming man?

“No. Ramon is just a friend of mine who thought he knew what he was doing. He does not work here. And, as you know, I speak English, sir. You do not have to worry about your Spanish.”

“Then we’re both in luck because I’m afraid the two things I’ve said to you are about all I know in Spanish. That last phrase about Ramon got me in a lot of trouble once. I can’t believe I just said it again after all these years.” The curly-headed man laughed, shook his head at his private memory, and smiled yet again at her.

Eli had no idea what type of trouble a simple phrase like that could cause anyone but, finally, she could not help but smile herself. His smile was indeed infectious.

“By the way, my name is Dave Starsky.” He shuffled the items he was holding around in his hands, and then held out his right hand to her. “And you are …?”

“Elisa Valero. It is nice to meet you, Mr. Starsky.” She just hoped that she did not start blushing as she shook his hand. It was warm and lightly calloused, a strong man’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Ms. Valero. I just stopped in lookin’ for one of these electric outlet doohickeys for my laptop. I brought that thing all the way from the States and forgot to bring the converter. Dumb, huh? Or should I say ‘estupido’?” Starsky wagged the packaged outlet converter in front of himself. “I just hope I picked out the right kind.”

“No. Mr. Starsky. That is not dumb. We all forget things. What brings you to Barcelona?” And what can I do to make you stay? Yikes! Eli hoped she had just thought that last part and not said it aloud. She also did not want to tell him that he was in the wrong line to pay for the outlet converter. This was the service desk line. Maybe, if she just pretended not to realize that little fact, she could talk to him a little bit longer. Naughty, naughty, Eli!

“First of all, please call me Dave or Starsky, but not Mr. Starsky, okay? Makes me feel like an old geezer.” He gave Eli yet another one of those smiles that gave her goose bumps.

“Thank you, Dave. Please call me Eli. That is what my friends call me.” She grinned back at him.

“Eli to your friends, huh? I like that. Well, Eli, my friend Hutch and I are here on vacation. Ever since the ’92 Olympics, we both wanted to see your beautiful city. So, we made this trip as a celebration, an anniversary of sorts.”

“An anniversary?”

“Yeah. Thirty-five years ago, Hutch and I became partners.”

“Partners? I see.” Eli really would be disappointed if this blue-eyed American turned out to be gay, but just in a selfish, “He’s such a gorgeous man and he can keep looking at me all he likes” kind of way.

“No, no! Not like that.” Starsky laughed again. “We became partners — officially, anyway — as cops thirty five years ago … police officers, I mean … detectives, actually. I guess you don’t call ’em ‘cops’ in Spain. I still can’t believe it’s been that long ago. Anyway, we’re from Bay City, California. We’re retired from the force now, but we stayed partners. Best friends, ya know? Godfathers to each other’s kids and stuff like that.”

“I see. That sounds wonderful, Dave, to have stayed friends all those years. You are good enough friends to take vacations together, too. That is even more special. So, you and your wives are enjoying España … uh … Spain?” Eli did not see a ring on Dave’s left hand but he did mention kids, so this was a sneaky way to get the information.

“Nope. No wives.” For the first time, a gentle, wistful look crossed his face as he looked down at his left hand and used his thumb to touch the empty ring finger. “I’m afraid I lost my wife a couple of years ago. Hutch’s didn’t come on this trip with us. She said it was time for the guys to go have some fun together. She’s pretty cool about that.”

Eli was afraid she had put her foot in her mouth this time. “I am so sorry, Dave. I did not mean to …”

“Nonsense, Eli. It’s just a part of life. Anyway, the kids, both Hutch’s and mine, are all in college, so none of ’em will miss their old dads for a couple of weeks either. We told ’em all we planned to spend their inheritances anyway, not that there was much to start with.” Now the twinkle was back and Starsky was laughing again.

During the time that Eli and Starsky had been talking, they had slowly moved up in line. Unfortunately, it was soon to be Eli’s turn at the counter.

“I hate to interrupt you, Dave, but unless you need to talk to the service people about your converter, you are probably in the wrong line. There is another line to pay for purchases. I am sorry. I should have thought to tell you.” Now Eli had just told a little bit of lie, but somehow she was really not very sorry about it. I am so bad! But it was worth it. She now smiled to herself at her own little private joke.

“Oh. Well, yes, it was worth being in the wrong line. I got to meet the lovely Lady of Spain.” Starsky bowed his head slightly toward her in acknowledgement.

Did he really just say that? And did he read my mind? Eli thought this Dave Starsky had to be either the nicest man or the biggest, most charming, flirt she had ever met. Could it be both?

“Before I leave you, Elisa Valero, I’d like to invite you to join me and Hutch for dinner tonight. Our hotel is just down the block. That’s where I left him while he’s takin’ a nap. Jet lag is a bear. Anyway, we’d love to have your company. You could give us some insider tips on what to do and see in Barcelona. How ’bout it? Let us treat you to dinner? I promise that we’re just a harmless couple of old cops.”

“Dave, I do not usually …”

“Now, now, you can’t tell a tourist to your fair city ‘No’, can you? Come on. Please? I’m sure Hutch is already tired of starin’ at my ugly mug. We would love to have a lovely lady join us tonight. You might have to listen to some old stories of ours, but I promise you it won’t be too boring.”

Starsky had just turned on the most charming smile he had shown during the whole conversation. On top of that, he added just a touch of a puppy dog look. How in the world could Eli resist that?

“Well, all right. You do seem harmless enough.” Eli smiled brightly at him, knowing that she had just told another one of those little lies. This Dave Starsky may not be a criminal but she would be willing to bet that he had stolen more than one heart over the years.

“Terrific! Thank you, Eli. I look forward to it.”

Before she was called to the counter, he quickly gave her the name of the hotel and they set a time for her to meet the two partners in its lobby. Then, Starsky took her hand, quickly leaned down, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. With that, he turned and headed (with a strut?) toward the checkout line. She could have sworn she heard him humming the old “Lady of Spain” song.

The man at the service desk called for Eli to come forward as the next customer. He recognized her and knew this was not a good sign for her to be back the day after he had sent her off with a repaired computer. However, the computer’s health could not be in too bad shape. If it were still broken, then why would Ms. Valero have the brightest, happiest smile he had seen on anyone in a long, long time?

The End … or is it?