Mistakes

“Hug, you ever think Hutch and me, we ain’t normal? Ever think maybe we’re too close?”

Originally written for a LiveJournal prompt challenge.

Starsky sat by Hutch’s bedside, restless and afraid. Huggy and Dobey had both come and gone, dispensing their congratulations, thank God’s, and praise, not realizing that each well-meaning phrase contributed to the beast growing within, snaking through his insides until he could sit no longer. He stood up and gazed at Hutch’s face a minute, then touched his cast lightly as he exited the room. If he hurried he could make it to The Pits before Huggy left for the night.

Huggy’s surprise at seeing him was evident in his expression. He let Starsky into the closed Pits and locked the door behind them. “Starsky, m’man, didn’t expect to see you here for a while. How’s Hutch?”

Starsky followed Huggy to the bar and watched him fill two beer glasses from the tap. “He’s sleeping. They got him drugged pretty heavily.”

They sat down at the nearest booth, Huggy sliding a beer glass across the table to Starsky as he lowered his lanky frame into the seat. Starsky pretty much fell into his side of the booth, grabbing the glass as he did so. But he didn’t take a drink.

“So,” Huggy began, “mind tellin’ me whatcha doin’ here, and why you’re carryin’ that long face around with you. Told me yourself earlier Hutch is gonna be okay. That didn’t change, did it?”

“No. He’ll heal. Doc says he’ll be good as new in a coupla months.”

“Well then. Seems to me usually me and Dobey gotta threaten bodily harm to wrench you two away from each other if one’s layed up. Not like you to leave his side.”

Starsky fingered the condensation on his glass. He could feel the beast squeezing his stomach. He didn’t look up when he answered, “Hug, I tried. I really tried. But it was so close, ya know?”

“I know you found him. Close, but you got him in time.”

Starsky continued to look down, wetting his fingers on the moist glass. “Doc said another hour and he’d have lost consciousness completely. Coupla more, who knows? He was completely dehydrated, sunburned, bleeding… could have been so much worse. Could have died.”

“I say again. You found him.”

Starsky looked up now, raising his voice, frustrated Huggy didn’t understand. “I failed him, Hug. I found him, sure, after he suffered needless hours, nearly losing his leg, nearly losing his life, cuz I made mistakes. Big mistakes.”

“You’re forgettin’ all you did right here. You never stopped, not for one second. You even found Carla. Man, Starsky, you realize how impossible that task was? City this size, you findin’ her? You worked your ass off and it paid off, you found her, you got the info you needed from her, you found Slater. Explain to me how that’s a big mistake.”

Dobey told him time and again, no private parties. “I should have done it different. Shoulda waited for backup. I spooked him. Shit, Huggy, I lost the one best clue I had, the hit man himself. I got cocky and surged on in and he fell. You don’t call that a mistake?”

“You don’t know he’d a given you anything even if you had a chance to talk to him. And anyway, you had the kid. You talked to the kid, he told you about the Colonel dude. Bang. You got Hutch. You didn’t need Slater anyway.”

Starsky was yelling now. It echoed in the empty restaurant, “Sonny came into the squad room with the location of Hutch. Hutch told him where to find me and he came and asked for me by name, dammit, to tell me where Hutch was. And I ignored him. I dismissed him for a drunk and….” Starsky’s voice cracked with emotion. “I blew it. If I had listened to him I wouldn’t have needed Bobby. I woulda already been on my way to Hutch. I wasted hours, made Hutch lay in that hot sun thirsty, in pain, dyin’. All because I missed a clue. I wasn’t payin’ attention to what was right in front of me. And Hutch was layin’ there, waitin’ for me. I screwed up!”

“Okay, Starsky, okay, listen to me.” Huggy spoke as calmly as he could. “This ain’t your train, you don’t do guilt trips. Level with me. What’s this all about?” He pushed Starsky’s glass toward him. “Drink, relax. Tell the Bear the real story here.”

Starsky drank the beer. He nearly emptied the glass out of thirst and reflex, but then his stomach protested. The guilt and shame growing inside him would not be subdued by Huggy’s reassurances. He put the glass down, rested his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands. After a moment, he began speaking again, softly this time.

“I thought he was dead. Whole time I was looking for him, thought he was dead. Then when you told me about Roy Slater in the city to kill a cop…” He took a long deep breath, fought the tears burning in his eyes. “Then I found him. God, Hug, you should have seen him, laying there, so still. I was so scared. Then I touched him, and he moved. I’ve never been happier my whole life, just to see Hutch move.”

“I saw how scared you were when I told you Slater was here,” Huggy said. “That seems like a normal reaction to me. Hutch was missing, hit man in town, after a cop. Wasn’t easy for me to have to tell you.”

“Hug, you ever think Hutch and me, we ain’t normal? Ever think maybe we’re too close?”

“Starsky, you know that’s not for me to say.”

“Hug.”

“So that’s what this is all about, huh? Well let me tell you. You two, what you got’s not anything I seen before. Don’t know what it is, don’t need to know. But whatever it is, it saves your asses on the street every day. Just like it just did.”

“I think it may be the reason I almost lost Hutch. Tryin’ to save him, I screwed up and almost lost him. I was so desperate. I missed the clues I had. I let emotion get in the way. What kind of detective that make me, huh?”

Huggy reached out and put a hand on Starsky’s arm. “Question is, what kind of friend does it make you? Look, Starsky, something very bad happened to Hutch. But he’s gonna be okay. Get some sleep, get some food. Talk to Hutch. You ain’t doin’ yourself or anyone else any good sittin’ here letting guilt and regret eat you up inside.”

Leave it to Huggy to understand exactly how he felt. “Yeah, alright. I hear you. Doesn’t make it any easier. I haven’t slept since I realized he was missing. I’ll go get a coupla hours then get back to Hutch by the time he wakes up.” He stood to leave.

“Go easy on yourself, Starsky. Whatever you two got, it’s good. And whatever you done, it was your best. You gotta know Hutch knows that.”

“Thanks, Hug.” Starsky began to feel the beast release its grip and he almost smiled as an idea began to form. “Wanna come visit my Uncle Al’s car lot?”