Sleep is Overrated

Starsky tries to get an overly exhausted Hutch to bed.

Posted as an answer to the SHBromance group on FB prompt: “Stop treating me like a damn baby.” “Well then stop acting like a damn baby.”

“Stop treating me like a damn baby.”

“Then stop acting like a damn baby and give me your fucking hand.”

“I don’t want you to…Hey, fucking hand. You get it? Fucking hand.”

“Yeah. I get it. You’re so loopy from lack of sleep and have bruises on bruises. How the hell is my getting a splinter out with a needle and tweezers possibly gonna hurt?”

“Promise it won’t?”

“Yes. Now give it over.”

“Starsk?”

“Hmm?”

“Babcock and Simmons and Ruiz laughed at me when I fell. That wasn’t very nice of them was it?”

“Nope. Bad detectives. Bad. You want me to come down there and give them a piece of my mind?”

“They shouldn’t make fun of a lieu…loo…loopytenant.”

“You’re right. They shouldn’t. Hold still. I almost have it.”

“Huh. It’s not very big is it?”

“Not very big at all.”

“Do I get a kiss and a lollipop?”

“I don’t have any lollipops. But here’s a kiss.”

“I could find something else to suck on.”

“Not tonight. I think it’s time for police lieutenants who haven’t slept more than a few hours in as many days to go to bed and sleep.”

“I don’t wanna go to bed. Not alone.”

“I didn’t say you were gonna be alone, did I?”

“You have finals.”

“I can study while you sleep.”

“I want you to sleep too. You need rest.”

“I promise I’ll sleep when you’re asleep. How’s that?”

“Good. You need to rest too. Whoa. Why’s it all spinning?”

“Be careful. Here, hang on and we’ll get you to bed. C’mon. Slow and easy.”

“You’re gonna join me, right?”

“Hutch. When have we not slept together since I got out of rehab?”

“Uh. You were mad that one time.”

“You’re the one who decided to sleep in the other room, not me.”

“Oh yeah. Don’t be long.”

“Just need to take care of the necessities.”

“Starsky?”

“I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

“Nope. I didn’t want to sleep. I was listening to you get ready for bed.”

“Babe, your shoulders are so tight, you’ve gotta be hurting.”

“Oh that feels nice. Keep doing that.”

“Just relax. Close your eyes and think happy thoughts.”

“Mmhm.”

“Shh.”

“We need names for each other.”

“I thought you were going to sleep. And we have names for each other. Hutch. Starsky. Starsk. Mushbrain. Blintz. Blondie. Plenty of names.”

“No. Other names. Like special names.”

“What we need is for you to go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning. Which will soon be here if you don’t shut up and go to sleep.”

“That’s not nice. You shouldn’t tell people to shut up.”

“You tell me to shut up a lot.”

“I do?”

“Okay. Not a lot but sometimes.”

“David.”

“Yeah.”

“No. I don’t like David. Everybody else calls you Dave. Dav.”

“That’s Dave.”

“No. It is not. Can’t you hear? It’s Daaaahhhhhv. Like a sigh.”

“Okay. Okay. Call me Dav. That can be your name just for me. Now close your mouth, close your eyes, and go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep until you give me a name.”

“Okay. How about Kenneth or Ken? Now can we sleep? Please?”

“I don’t like those names.”

“How about you’re driving me nuts and I can’t sleep either?”

“Don’t you love me?”

“Yes. I love you. Are you sure you didn’t get any drugs in your system on that bust? Or hit your head real hard?”

“I want a special name from you. Something no one else calls me. Only you.”

“Kenneth Carl Hutchinson.”

“That’s too long.”

“Shh. I’m thinking here. How about KC?”

“I like that. You can call me that.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you approve. Now. Quiet. No more talking. Why are you sticking your hand in my face?”

“You forgot to kiss it and make it better.”

“There. Is that better?”

“It’s perfect.”

“Good. Now…oh great. It’s gonna be one of those nights when you snore isn’t it? Guess I’m going to get some studying in after all.”

Chapter End Notes:

This fic is part of what I am optimistically calling my After series–a series taking place post canon. Just part of a universe I’m envisioning as one possible outcome for the guys. Stories will not necessarily be in chronological order, but that shouldn’t really matter for reading.