Starsky’s Lady – Post Episode

396

What was Terry’s gift to Starsky two weeks after her death? Was it just the Monopoly book? I don’t think so – my take on what it was.

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I woke up feeling terrible. Hutch and I had drank enough beer last night to get sloshed! Hutch? Where was he? Oh there he is! I can hear him snoring all the way in here from the bedroom. I really don’t know how I got to my sofa from the kitchen. I don’t think I was in any shape to walk in here…maybe I crawled! “OHHHH!”

I still had Terry’s gift in my hand…1000 Ways to Win at Monopoly…I still had to smile. I haven’t smiled much in the past 2 weeks, but Terry always could bring joy into my life…guess she still can. I started to flip through the book when inside I noticed a small box. Some of the pages of the book had been cut away just enough for it to fit inside. “What in the world?” I thought.

I sat up…maybe a little to fast for my aching head, and took the small box out. It was wrapped in white tissue paper with the words “Please play” in Terry’s handwriting printed neatly on the top. I soon discovered that a pale pink envelope was underneath the box too. I could still smell the fragrance of Terry’s perfume. I put the envelope aside for a moment and oh so carefully removed the paper off the box. It was an audiotape. I found my tape player, popped in the tape, opened the envelope, took a deep breath and pushed PLAY.

OH MY GOD! IT’S TERRY’S VOICE!

My Dearest Love,

I don’t know how to begin this message to you. I know you know how much I love you. I made sure of that before I went. I wanted you to hear with my words and my touch how much you mean to me. How blessed…YES BLESSED I feel to have had your love and presence in my life. I know that you will want to blame yourself for what has happened to me, but don’t. If I had to do it all over again there would be but one thing I would have changed and THAT would not have been knowing and loving you! That my dearest Dave is the ONE thing I know without a doubt that I was born for. I’ve been the happiest when I’m with you. Don’t forget that! I believe with everything that I am that we are going to be together forever someday so please just think of this as a little time apart before we are reunited again. …and when we are together again, NO man will be able to separate us…EVER!

I want you to know what a treasure you have in Hutch. You already know that though. I do too. He will want to be sure that you’re all right long after I’m not there to see to that myself. That’s why I entrusted you to him…not that I own you…far from it. I am giving HIM permission to take care of you and YOU permission to LET him. He loves you Dave…and you love him. Cherish and love each other through everything life throws at you. I want you to have a wonderful life Dave; full of joy and happiness but I’m not fool enough to believe there won’t be times when you will need someone to lean on. Hutch can and I know wants to be that person always. Let him.

I want you to love again too. You have so much love and warmth within you my love. Don’t hide it being afraid to give a piece of yourself away again. You know that’s what you do…give little and big pieces of your heart away to those you love, but from the little time that I’ve possessed my piece I know that your heart is big enough to give pieces of it over and over again. THAT is what I love about you Dave…what makes you …YOU. Hutch I know you’re listening…remember my letter to you…don’t let him change.

I want to watch you fall in love again and be the kind of father that I know you can be. It will not be like you are betraying the love that WE have…oh no.. It will be you allowing me to see you enjoy life in all it’s richness and fullness.

I won’t ask you not to forget me, because I know you won’t. I DO hope that my gift of this tape and letter will help you when you are sad or lost, when you are hurt or grieved, when you feel you are all alone in the world…when you think that you can’t possibly go on…. Think of me and I’ll be right there beside you.

We didn’t ever say goodbye did we Dave? We never needed to. We are connected for always and I don’t believe even my death will ever sever that connection. I love you my lovelight…till we see each other again…

My Love is with you Always,
Terry

I let the tape player turn off and gazed at the opened letter in my hand. To my amazement I smiled a genuine smile. “You’re here with me now aren’t you Terry? I feel you close.” I placed the letter, envelope and tape back in the book and just sat there for a little while and held it.

“Starsk? Are you OK buddy?” Hutch said quietly from my bedroom door. I turned and from his expression I could tell that he had heard at least a portion of the tape.

“Yeah, I’m fine Hutch…I’m actually better than I’ve been for awhile now.” I said with a strong and calm voice.

“How about I fix us some eggs and toast, and we can talk Starsk?” he said.

“How about I help you?” I said getting up from the sofa.

It was time to get back to the business of LIVING.