The Greatest Challenge

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The problems in Starsky’s life begin to pile up and he reacts recklessly, causing more trouble.

 

This is the first story I ever wrote. I’ve tried to make it better. It’s going to be in four parts.

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Part I

Late fall was a beautiful time of the year in California, at least Hutch thought so. Most of the tourists were gone, it had cooled down to an acceptable temperature. Some of the trees were turning color, not as varied as the ones foliage in Minnesota, but beautiful just the same. The sky was a gorgeous azure shade. He breathed deeply. The absence of the heavy, cloying was a blessing.

Starsky was already waiting for him impatiently, so he headed for the garage and spied the other detective’s bright red car. Before he even got the door closed, the dark-haired man peeled away from the curb.

It became obvious as soon as Hutch settled into the car that his partner was in an agitated frame of mind. Not wanting to set off his sometimes volatile best friend, he decided to remain quiet. Maybe Starsky wanted to talk about whatever was on his mind. When nothing was forthcoming, he eased his way into the light banter that the two men were comfortable with and enjoyed, to see if he could bring the man out of his reverie.

“Hey, Buddy,” he said casually, “If you don’t have plans for tonight, I’II spring for a four-course dinner, place of your choice.”

For a moment Starsky looked hopeful, then remembering that his partner wasn’t one to throw his money around, caught on.

“Yeah, right, McDonald’s or Burger King?” Starsky asked.

“What’s wrong with that? A burger, fries, Coke and ice cream. I’d be wasting a good meal on you, anyway. Your idea of a four-course dinner would be a smothered burrito.”

“That works for me,” Starsky retorted. “Make that two and you’re on.”

“I’m never going to get you to eat healthy, am I? One of my new “power drinks” would do wonders for you.”

“Power drinks,” Starsky snorted. “The only thing those have the power to do is clean out drainpipes real slick. I should know, they did a job on mine the last time you conned me into drinkin’ one. I wasn’t the same for days. I’m not going for that rabbit food, dissipated calf’s liver, goat’s milk, wheat germ and all that crap. If God wanted people to eat like that, he would’ve just let em graze like cattle.”

Hutch answered indignantly. “That’s desiccated, chump, desiccated, and you’ ve got to admit cattle don’t get sick very often, do they?”

“You also gotta admit they don’t get much fun outta life either, pal,” Starsky shot back.

Hutch sighed. “You’ve got to be the most stubborn person on the face of the planet!”

“Yeah, well, at least I’m real good at something, schweetheart.” Starsky replied in his best Bogey voice.

Changing gears so suddenly that it took Hutch off guard, he asked, “Blondie, do you want to get married someday?”

“Gee, I thought you’d never ask.” Hutch responded with a chuckle.

“Now, don’t go gettin’ all hot and bothered over it…The stuff you’d feed me, I’d be dead in three months.” Starsky glared at him. “I mean, really, with a lady?”

Sensing his partner was finally getting down to what was on his mind, Hutch stopped teasing and answered that question as truthfully as he could.

“If it comes to me, Starsk, I’ll take it, but I’m not going to be out there actively looking. If I never meet the right woman, I’ll just keep “batchin it.” I gave marriage a try with the wrong woman and we made each other miserable. I’m happier alone,” he said quietly. “Besides, there’s not so many women out there who can handle being married to a cop. Have you ever thought of it, pal, if the roles were reversed, sending your wife off to work every morning to get shot at or whatever else comes down that day in the line of duty? I’m a realist. I’m not counting out the possibility, I just don’t expect it to happen.” Hutch sighed. “You know I’ve gotten close a couple times and been burned. I’m not anxious to set myself up for that again anytime soon.”

Indigo eyes searched sky blue for an instant. Starsky could see the hurt that had never quite gone away there.

“Do you sometimes feel scared?” he asked gently. It was a natural progression for him, considering all the rotten things that had gone down for both of them the last couple of years.

“Yeah, I’m scared, scared of losing everyone in my life that I care about, and the list has dwindled some,” Hutch glanced over at his partner, who seemed to be chewing his lip in concentration. “I almost lost you not too long ago. You do remember that experience, don’t you, pal?”

“Like I could ever forget. It’s just like some of those close calls I had in ‘Nam. I still wake up with bad dreams, but, really, maybe you would be better off without me. I’m only about half the man I was before the shooting.” Starsky said wanly.

“Oh, that’s pure exaggeration, buddy,” Hutch came back quickly. “You could work at it a little harder and quit missing those therapy sessions you’re still supposed to be going to. That might help.” Hutch started to lecture.

“Get off my back about that, Hutchinson.” Starsky blurted out.

“You all right today?”, Hutch asked. “I was just kidding around.”

Evidently Starsky had finally decided to unburden himself about what was occupying such a large portion of his mind and he didn’t waste any time getting started.

“It’s Sandy. I really think I love her, maybe even as much as Terry, but…”

Starsky hadn’t mentioned her name in quite a while. It started Hutch thinking about the girl who’d taken a piece of his heart with her, too, when she’d been killed.

“I said, do you want to talk about this, or should I just clam up!?” Starsky raised his voice.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about Terry,” Hutch apologized.

“I know, I still spend a lot of time there.” Starsky said softly.

“So, what about you and Sandy?” Hutch pressed.

“She’s so different, Hutch. So defensive, hard to handle. She seems to want to spar with me all the time. And she’s also hot headed !”

Hutch smiled inwardly as he thought of how that description fit someone he was sitting very close to right at this particular time.

Starsky went on, “Terry always seemed to know what I wanted and did everything she could to make me happy, even if she didn’t go along with my way of thinking.”

Hutch interrupted. “She could have stayed in the hospital and it would have prolonged her life, buddy. She went against your wishes there, remember.”

Starsky sighed. “I know, but that’s the only thing we ever disagreed about. We never fought, not like me and Sandy!”

“Which relationship did you find more exciting, Starsk?” Hutch asked a question he shouldn’t be asking, but felt he needed to make his partner think twice about his new relationship. For some reason, since Kira, Hutch hadn’t dated much and had been very critical of the few women Starsky had been seeing. He was prepared for the defensiveness that followed.

“Why’d you have to go and ask something like that?” Starsky erupted, letting his partner know he’d been thinking along the same lines and feeling very disloyal for it. “Terry was an angel and the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“You and Terry were opposites who complimented one another,” Hutch countered, trying hard to watch his words. “You were two very different pieces who came together to make a whole, but there wasn’t the fire that you and Sandy have in your relationship. I’m not saying you didn’t love Terry”, Hutch quickly worked in when he saw his friend’s face. “I’m just saying Sandy’s so much more like you , she has the same faults and it’s hard for you to handle.

Starsky sputtered. “And just what faults are you saying I have, buddy? Most people seem to think I’m pretty terrific.”

It was rare for Starsky to leave himself so wide open, Hutch thought wryly, but knew it wasn’t the time to drop a barb into the works. He also knew his partner didn’t take criticism well, but decided he’d come too far to stop now, even if Starsky wasn’t going to be happy with what he had to say.

“Well, you know you can be kind of impulsive at times.” Gross understatement, thought Hutch, but was only out to help his friend, not send his self esteem straight into the crapper. ” You come on way too aggressive and don’t let other people, me, for one, take charge of a situation. You also don’t listen well to people in authority.” Hutch held up one hand when he saw his partner start to object. “I have more than a little trouble with that one myself, okay? Those are the worst ones, I guess.” he finished lamely.

“Well, geez,” Starsky exploded. “Didn’t know you’d been carrying my dead weight around here for so long! Is there anything I do get right?”

“Aw, come on, Starsky, I’m not picking on you. You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met, loyal to a fault and have the best instincts and sense of right I’ve ever seen in any law-enforcement officer, not to mention, I can trust you to watch my back and know you’d take a bullet for me without hesitation. You’re a helluva of a good friend, too!” Hutch finished with a grin.

His partner snorted derisively. “Man, you make me sound like some great big, dumb, slobbery St. Bernard dog.”

Hutch pressed ahead, anxious to make his partner understand the truth. “Sandy is so much like you, buddy, you could be twins, aside from the fact that she’s a lot better- looking than you are, of course.” Hutch was getting a little irritated himself. After all, he was only trying to help. “You obviously care about each other. You just need some compromise, and, if you don’t mind my saying so, you need to take more control of the relationship, because you’re both fighting for the upper hand and somebody’s got to have it. She’s probably just as confused about it all as you are.

“Have you been studying psychology on the side, again, Blintz?” Starsky asked, with more than a little sarcasm.

Hutch came back with, “No, hot shot, but I’ve been studying you for more than a decade, and I think I know you pretty well.”

Just then, the radio crackled into life. “Zebra three, Zebra three, 211 in progress at the convenience store, 1264 Gladstone, repeat 1264 Gladstone.” Hutch grabbed the mic with one hand and the mars light with the other in one smooth motion while Starsky wheeled the car around in a full circle, heading back toward the river.

“Zebra three, we’re on our way!” Hutch bellowed into the mic.

As soon as they got to the action, they scrambled out of the car. As always, they worked efficiently together, anticipating each other’s moves so well, it only took a nod for Starsky to indicate that he’d take the back and he was there seconds later, He flattened himself beside the back door and listened to what was going on inside. It was pretty quiet, with only the robber barking out orders. Obviously, he had a gun and was waving it around, terrorizing whoever was in his way. Starsky pushed the screen door open slightly and cringed when the hinges squealed softly. Suddenly he heard Hutch kick in the front door and yell “FREEZE, POLICE!” and knew he had to make his move. He wheeled into the back room of the store and advanced toward the main room. He cautiously looked around the corner and saw that Hutch seemed to have everything under control and was about to enter when he saw a figure pop up from behind a row of shelves, a second gunman! And he had Hutch in his sights. Starsky knew he had to do something fast or his partner was dead, so he took aim and yelled “DON’T MOVE!” The gunman quickly turned to face him, his gun set, and Starsky shot, hitting him squarely in the chest. At the same time, one of the panicked customers broke free and ran right into the line of fire. It was a young girl, maybe 14 years old and she fell at the same time the gunman did. Quiet settled over the store, then things erupted again as Hutch cuffed his man roughly and pushed him down by the counter. Starsky stayed frozen in place, dreading what came next. Checking the gunman first to make sure he would cause no more trouble, Hutch found no pulse and moving over to the girl, he found that she was gone, too. He looked up at Starsky and could tell by his stricken face that he knew it without asking. Hutch tried to reach his side, but backup had arrived and the store was crowded with people before he could get there. The minute things settled down, Hutch went out looking for his partner. He found him out on the stairway behind the store, staring out toward the river.

“Hey, buddy,” Hutch called softly. “How you doing?”

When Starsky turned toward him and Hutch saw the anguish in his eyes, it wasn’t hard to form his own opinion of just how his friend was doing. He looked like a little kid with dirt on his face and tear stains making pale white tracks down his cheeks.

“Starsk,” Hutch tried to touch his shoulder, but was roughly pushed away. He tried again,

“Buddy, It wasn’t your fault. You saved my life! You didn’t mean for this to happen, everybody knows that.”

“I don’t know it, my friend,” Starsky growled. “I went into that store in a rotten mood, with lots of things running through my mind, who knows, if I’ d been concentrating better, if”…. Starsky obviously was past the point where he wanted to talk about this, having come to his own conclusions about the events of the night.

Hutch reached out again, trying to find some way to bridge a gap that was widening by the second. His friend jerked back as if afraid of being touched.

“You’re always too hard on yourself, babe,” Hutch pleaded with him tenderly. “It really wasn’t your fault!”

Starsky exploded, “What do you know about it. You’re always the white knight, saving everybody. Why don’t you save that kid I just wasted, huh? Look, do you want a ride back to Metro, or not?”

There was silence in the car on the way back to the office. Whenever Hutch thought of something to say, Starsky glared at him with cold, dark eyes and he bit his tongue.

After dropping his partner off without a word, leaving him to deal with the paperwork, Starsky headed home, wondering if Sandy would be there after the quarrel they’d had that morning. All he wanted to do was hold her, even as angry as he felt toward everyone. He knew Hutch had been trying to help, but his pride got in his way, big-time. That seemed to happen a lot lately. He was tired of being a burden to his friends and wished things cold be like they had been before the shooting. He regretted hurting his partner when he was just trying to make things better.

Parking in front of his apartment, he eased himself inside the door, half expecting, almost wishing for a barrage of pots and pans or cutlery to come flying his way. Sometimes the painful fighting cleared the air and made their relationship more intense afterward.

The apartment was absolutely still. He almost tripped over a row of suitcases and boxes lined up by the front door and his stomach churned at the thought that even Sandy must have given up on him. It looked like she was taking the first step toward leaving him standing in the rear-view mirror. His heart thumped painfully, then deep inside something hardened up like a huge, granite rock. He sure didn’t plan on begging her to stay, especially since she’d given him so much provocation.

Sandy came flying in the door, almost colliding with Starsky, evidently in the process of carrying her stuff out to her car. She looked up at him and saw the iciness in his eyes.

“You weren’t thinking of leaving without saying goodbye, were you?” he asked coldly.

“You know, Dave, I just wanted to get out of here without another argument.” Sandy stammered. “I would have called you later tonight. I’m just getting so tired of fighting a losing battle.”

Starsky started yelling, startling even himself. “So you thought running away was a better answer, huh?”

“We’re going nowhere, Dave, and I don’t want to live like this anymore!”, she screamed back.

Starsky stepped closer and grabbed her by the arm. Sandy tried to pull away from him and he grabbed her other arm and shook her. She just stared, not believing that this was the man she trusted. Even when they had their worst arguments, they’d never turned physical, but she could see he was out of it and didn’t even resemble the Dave Starsky she knew anymore.

More anxious to get out of there than ever, Sandy picked up a couple of her suitcases and tried to squeeze by him to the door, but he stopped her, pushing her back. She landed on the couch.. Starsky began to pace, mumbling to himself, making very little sense, just a torrent of words. He grew more and more agitated, knocking things off walls and tables, kicking chairs over, breaking mirrors and glass knick-knacks, throwing the room into chaos.

Sandy just stared up at him, in shock from what was happening and bewilderment about what to do next. She cared about this man, but didn’t have a clue how to reach him right at this particular moment.

Sirens blared in the background, bringing a squad car, as well as Hutch’s LTD. Jumping from the car almost before it came to a stop, he rushed into the house, totally unprepared, eyes widening in disbelief at the scene that was unfolding.

“Starsk, I heard the call on the car radio, what..?” His voice trailed off. He didn’t ask the question because he didn’t want to know the answer.

Starsky stayed where he was, sliding down the wall and slumping on the floor, his hands over his face, refusing to answer any of the questions the officers were bombarding him with.

Hutch glanced around, his eyes lighting on Sandy sitting on the couch crying quietly. There were red marks on her upper arms that would be black-and-blue by the next day..

“He did this?”, Hutch asked unbelievingly. Sandy nodded, averting her eyes as if she were ashamed.

Hutch felt like he’d suddenly fallen down Alice’s rabbit hole, but knew it was all too real.

The officers asked Sandy if she wanted Starsky charged with domestic violence, but she shook her head. She asked the officers to help her carry her stuff out to her car and they did. Hutch went over and laid his hand lightly on his best friend’s shoulder, but Starsky shook it off.

“Go home, Hutch, you’re not needed here,” he said in a monotone. Hutch argued, but seeing that he wasn’t getting anywhere, he left the apartment, determined to keep an eye on his partner. He had some idea what was causing this anguish of spirit that Starsky was going through and couldn’t leave him to face it alone.

With Hutch following far enough behind so Starsky wouldn’t “make” him, Starsky found his way to THE PITS, where he’d spent a lot of time drowning his sorrows over the last couple years. He spent most of the night there, not drinking beer as he usually did, but downing one Scotch after another until Huggy intervened.

“M’man, you planning on drinkin’ yourself to death, it ain’t gonna be in my establishment.”

“Doesn’t matter, there’s a million bars in this town. I guess you never know who your friends are until they betray you.”

“Starsky, man, you’re just not seein’ things right. Here, hand over your keys. I’ll drive you home and tuck you into bed.”

There was a brief tussle over the keys, but the dark-haired detective won. Before Huggy could get on the phone to call Hutch, Starsky was gone. Hutch had been watching for him, but had succumbed to sleep and missed seeing his friend run from the bar as if the devil himself were after him.

Starsky drove on auto pilot to Hutch’s place, a trip he could have made blindfolded. All was dark and the car wasn’t there. He took his badge out of his pocket and stared at it for a long time. Pain washed over him in torrents, like an acid bath, all the traumas of a lifetime, all the things he’d seen and done. It was so intense, it left him gasping for breath, and the one word he could coherently think was “why?” He knew something had to be done to stop the pain. He knew in his heart that what Hutch said was true. He’d always taken things hard and guilt was a major component in his “emotional baggage.” Starsky felt like he was fragmenting into little pieces and he had no idea what to do to hold together what was left.

He unbuckled his shoulder holster and slid it out from under his old brown leather jacket. He took the Beretta out of the holster. The metal felt warm to the touch from lying against his body. The weight and feel of the gun was almost like an old friend, maybe the only friend he had left. He put the gun down on the seat, and deciding not to wait for Hutch to get home, he drove off.

There was a place up in the hills overlooking the city, where he sometimes went to clear his head when he was confused and tired. He headed that way, picking up speed, feeling the big engine of the Torino under him. There were several horseshoe curves and he thrilled at the way the car handled. He thought suddenly that if he went off the road, everyone’s problems would be over. He floored the gas pedal and took the next curve, but couldn’t pull the big car out of it in time and the Torino went over the edge into the canyon below. There was a deafening crash and then absolute silence settled back over the ink-black night.

Hutch had been looking for his partner for over an hour and knew he’d left Huggy’s in no condition to drive, so when he started hearing reports on the car radio about a vehicle going off the road with one victim, he felt a knot tightening up in his stomach. He called for a location and sped toward the hills as fast as he could push his battered LTD. It was dark and the Torino was surrounded with people and bathed in bright spotlights when he got there. As he moved out of the darkness toward the light, some of the officers recognized him and tried to hold him back. He fought like a tiger, inflicting damage on some of the men that they would feel the next morning. Finally they gave up and let him go. Then he was by what was left of the bright red car that his partner had always been so proud of. He gasped for breath and his knees buckled when he saw Starsky slumped over the wheel, blood oozing from a head wound.. Hutch held onto the side of the car and vomited until there was nothing left to come up and he continued to retch for awhile after that. When he could breathe again, he got up to see the paramedics pulling his friend’s head away from the steering wheel. .

Tears started running down the face of the young officer. There seemed to be an intense pain in his chest and for a moment he thought, not unhappily, that he was going to have a heart attack. But the feeling eased and he knew then that this was something he’d never be done with, not in a lifetime, not in a million lifetimes. He and Starsky had been in each other’s heads for too long, they’d been able to read one another’s minds. How was he ever expected to be able to give a friendship like that up?

As the scene became unbearable to him, he started to turn away. A paramedic came running up to him. “Sir”, he said softly. “They tell me he’s your partner. He does still have a pulse. We don’t have much hope, but if you can stay out of our way, you can ride in with him, at least.”

What he’d just heard galvanized Hutch into action. Without hesitation, he pulled himself up into the ambulance.

As the ambulance sped toward Memorial, Hutch pleaded with God to let his partner live. He’d never been much of a religious man, but he made a lot of bargains that night. He desperately wanted to touch Starsky, to talk to him before he was gone, but with all the activity going on in the ambulance, he could only comfort himself by sitting and holding tightly to the old brown jacket they’d had to cut from his friend’s body.

The trip to the hospital was a nightmare. It seemed they’d never get there and as the paramedics talked to their emergency room contact, Hutch realized the amount of trauma that Starsky had received..

When they reached Memorial, and the gurney was wheeled through the ER doors, Captain Dobey was already there, along with a small contingent of off-duty officers who wanted to see for themselves how bad it was.

Both Starsky and Hutch had made enemies on the force, Starsky largely by his cocky attitude and quick temper, Hutch for his sarcastic, cynical sense of humor, and some of their fellow workers felt that Dobey let them get by with murder. Even those who didn’t like them had to respect the job they did and their reputation as the best team of detectives on the force, though. Internal affairs was always coming down on them for something and that actually endeared them to a lot of the officers. Everybody hated IA.

Just before the gurney disappeared and an orderly stepped up to keep Hutch from going any further, he grabbed his partner’s hand and whispered, “Don’t leave me, Starsk. It’s just me and thee, remember.”

Then Starsky was gone and there was nothing left to do but wait. Many of the officers were being asked to leave or wait outside because the waiting room was filling up, but they hung around as long as they could before they had to go back on duty.

Hutch dreaded what he knew he had to do next. He borrowed a black-and -white and drove over to the office building where Sandy worked as a legal secretary. He watched her face grow pale as she saw him approach. He looked down and was surprised to see that he was covered with his partner ‘s blood, from the jacket he was still holding onto.

“David?”, she whispered. Hutch nodded. “How bad?” He sat down in a nearby chair to keep himself from falling over and breathed deeply for a second. “He’s barely alive, honey. They don’t know if he’s going to make it.” he finished softly. Sandy ran to get her coat and they headed back to the hospital.

“How did it happen, Ken?” she asked once they were in the car. “Did someone shoot him? I’ve been so worried something would happen ever since I left last night, but I’ve had no luck finding anyone who’s seen him today.”

Sandy started whimpering like a scared child. Hutch reached over and patted her absently on the arm, but he knew nothing was going to make this go down easier.

“Sandy, I need you to be really strong and to not fall to pieces on me. Starsky drove up to the hills last night and was driving too fast. He didn’t make a curve and the car went off the road into the canyon below. There’s no way he should be alive, but he is and it’s going to take both of us to keep him that way!”

She gasped in shock. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have left him. If I’ d stayed, we could have worked things out.” Sandy started sobbing inconsolably. Hutch had no idea what to say or do and he feared losing what little composure he had left if he tried to talk to her, so he let her cry, patting her on the shoulder just to let her know he was there.

He hadn’t expected any news by the time they got back to the hospital, so he wasn’t disappointed.

As hospital waiting rooms went, Memorial’s was okay, but Hutch had spent so many hours in this place already, it nearly drove him crazy. He’d done lots of time here ten months ago when Starsky had taken four bullets in the chest and everyone thought he would die and he actually had, but they’d brought him back. Hutch had been so grateful, but here he was again, with even less chance of recovery.

Knowing it would probably be awhile before anyone knew anything, Hutch spent his time circulating the waiting room trying to get some of the already beat officers to go home, getting coffee, attempting to keep Cap’n Dobey from pacing like a caged tiger. Hutch was worried about Sandy, all she did was sit rocking back and forth slightly, but one of the nurses was talking to her, so he left them alone.

He saw Huggy rush through the waiting room doors and made his way over to him immediately. Hutch and Huggy had gotten off to a rocky start, he’d been Starsky’s friend first and didn’t think he had anything in common with Hutch ‘s type. He’d learned fast not to judge from outward appearances, though, and the two had gotten very close during Starsky’s convalescence, trying to keep a lid on their friend’s natural enthusiasm and impulsive energy bursts. Several times they’d been tempted to hog-tie him to the bed so they could get some well-needed rest, but they’d worked as a team to keep his mind busy and stimulated long enough for his body to heal. All the time spent brainstorming had changed their acquaintance into a real friendship. Hutch could see Huggy was shaken and in a panic.

“Blondie, all anybody on the street will tell me is that Starsky’s been in an accident. How bad is it?”.

“Take it easy, Hug,” the blonde man put his arm around the lanky black man’ s shoulder and felt him shaking. “He’s not dead yet, and you and I both know well enough how many of these things he’s been through and always come out the other side.”

He steered Huggy over to the coffee machine and got him a cup, pushing him down in a chair so he wouldn’t look like he was about to fall down. “He totaled the car up in the canyon. He’s got a head injury that looks bad..” Hutch spoke softly, trying to reach his friend and calm him, then he went on to tell him all that had been happening lately. Huggy started to relax and rested his head against the back of his chair.

“I don’t know if I can go through this again, Blondie, this is going to be bad! Someday that luck of his is gonna all run out.”

Just then a doctor that Hutch recognized stepped out of the ER looking for someone who belonged with his patient. When he saw all the officers in the room, his eyes widened.

“Who’s with David Starsky,” he asked.

Huggy, Dobey and Hutch hurried over immediately, all three getting there at once, causing the doctor to take a step backward to avoid being knocked over.

“Is Mr. Starsky a policeman?” he asked. ” He came in in street clothes. I just didn’t think.”

“He’s an undercover cop,” Hutch explained. “There’s no reason you should have known.”

“Dr. Chandler,” the medical man introduced himself, shaking hands with each of the men in turn. Hutch suddenly realized Sandy wasn’t there, looked over in the corner and saw that she’d fallen asleep, tear streaks all over her face. It seemed cruel to wake her up until he had to, so he turned back to the doctor to hear what he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.

“How is he, Dr. Chandler?”, Cap’n Dobey asked.

The doctor looked at all three of them with a puzzled expression, the two so opposite-looking black men and the tall blonde, who couldn’t have resembled less the man he’d been working on. “Are you friends of his family?” he asked.

Hutch answered for all of them. “Doctor, we are his family! Now, how’s he doing?”

Seeing he’d offended the men, Dr. Chandler muttered a quick “sorry”, and got down to business.

“Mr. Starsky has sustained a severe head injury,” he started out. “There are a few broken bones, but, considering what he went through, those are negligible.”

Hutch’s heart lightened a little..

Dr. Chandler went on. “That doesn’t mean he will live, there’s a lot of damage in there. From the looks of things on the films, there’s splintered bone , plenty of trauma and swelling, some nicked blood vessels that are causing internal bleeding, not to mention the possible damage to the spinal column. We won’t know until he comes out of his comatose condition if he’s got damage to the optic nerve, which could cause blindness or if the column itself is injured, which could cause paralysis. There could be damage to the speech center. I don’t want to give you false hope. He has only about a 50-50 chance of a full recovery and the odds of his making it through surgery aren’t at all good. He’s lost a lot of blood. I’ve got to get him in there now, we’ve used a lot of valuable time assessing his injuries. The real work is ahead of us. I’ll come and find you as soon as it’s over.” He clasped Hutch’s shoulder with his hand and was gone.

Any relief Hutch had felt initially had popped like a balloon shortly after the doctor had started his explanation. The only thing he felt now was numb. He looked over at Dobey and Huggy and thought, if it were possible for the two of them to look pale, they appeared that way to him.

He fell into a chair to think about what the doctor had just said. How was Starsky going to fight his way through this one? He’d just barely come back to work and Hutch knew he wasn’t up to his full strength yet. He’d seen him wincing in pain, he tired easily and needed to sit down frequently. Hutch had been giving him more and more of the paperwork, using the excuse that he had injured his writing hand. He was pretty sure that Starsky could see right through that, especially since they did their final reports on the typewriter, but he didn’t argue about it, surprisingly enough. He’d always hated paperwork with a passion, scribbling notes on napkins and little scraps of paper in his sloppy writing, leaving Hutch, the perfectionist, to clean up the finished product before Dobey could yell at them. Hutch had also noticed that he was the first one to the action these days, where it had always been his fleet-footed partner who sailed right past him every time. Hutch was just going to have to be strong enough for the both of them!

He and Dobey spent some time trying to clear out the rest of the officers in the waiting room, telling them that their friend would be in surgery for hours and they should go and get some rest. Huggy took off, feeling overwhelmed and needing to get out of there. Dobey had to get back to the office to tie some things up, so the room started to quiet down fast. Hutch took the opportunity to call Starsky’s mom. She hadn’t been in good health for some time, so he told her only that David had been in an accident and he would call her back when he knew anything more. Then he went over to where Sandy was still sprawled out, making little whimpering sounds in her sleep.

“Sandy”, he shook her slightly to wake her. She sat up, dazed, feeling scared when she saw that most of the people had left.

“What’s happening, Hutch?” she asked shakily.

“He’s in surgery, honey”, Hutch said softly. “He could be in there for hours. Why don’t you let me have somebody take you home or back to your car. Do you feel like you can drive home?”

“I can drive, Hutch, but tell me how he is!”

Hutch explained carefully what the doctor had said about Starsky’s condition. He left out some of the worst-case scenarios, but let her know her lover’s chances were not good. Sandy closed her eyes tiredly and told Hutch she was ready to go back to her car. She begged him to stay, though, and call her as soon as he knew anything.

That wasn’t hard for him to promise. He had no plans to move from this spot until the doctor came back out and told him what was happening.. He asked one of the few officers that were left to drive Sandy back to her car. The waiting room was all but deserted now. It was 4 A.M. in the morning and Hutch was dead on his feet, but after he slumped into a comfortable chair and put his head back, he couldn’t put the thoughts to rest that were whirling around in his head trying to match the churning that was going on in his gut.

“Starsky, why couldn’t you have come and talked this out with me?” he whispered to himself. “Whatever was hurting you so badly, I could have made things all right again.” Hutch thought more about it and found himself getting really ticked off over the whole thing. “How could you do something like this to me? You had to know what this would do to me, to all of us, especially after we just got you well, and then you go and ruin all that by being reckless! What a way to repay me, man. When we do get you back on your feet again, I’m going to knock you right back off of them!”

Ashamed of himself after his fit, Hutch closed his eyes for just a minute and slept.

“Detective Hutchinson”, The doctor shook him gently awake. Hutch jumped up, immediately alert.

“Doctor, did he make it through surgery?” Hutch asked quickly. “and please call me Ken.”

“He’s still alive, Ken, although he did go into cardiac arrest. He’s critical, in recovery and doing as well as we can possibly expect under the circumstances. We repaired all the damage and we’ve got him deeply in a coma with drugs for awhile. We don’t know if he’ll wake up when we withdraw the drugs, or even if he’ll ever wake up. Until then, we can’t tell what kind of damage has been done. The next few days are important. Now, why don’t you go home and get some sleep? You look like you’re half dead yourself.”

The doctor looked as bad as Hutch, in his opinion, and got up a little unsteadily. “I’m going to sleep here tonight to be close in case he needs me.” he said.

“Let me see him first, Doc, please,” Hutch begged.

“You’ll have to wait awhile until he gets out of recovery, and you can’t stay long, but maybe it’ll help him, too, if you’re as close a friend to him as he obviously is to you.”

“Thanks, Dr. Chandler”, Hutch called softly.

“It’s Alex, night, Ken” he called back over his shoulder.

An hour and 45 long minutes later, a nurse came to take him to ICU. Hutch had been through this before and didn’t expect the way his heart palpitated when he caught sight of Starsky’s lifeless-looking body. There were tubes everywhere, catheters, monitor leads, IV’s, all those Hutch had seen before. He was aware that Starsky was on a ventilator, with a respiratory tube in his trachea. The thing he wasn’t prepared for was the sight of his friend’s head. That brought tears to his eyes again. They’d shaved him for surgery, stripping all the dark brown curls his partner had been so vain about and a bulky bandage covered most of his head and one side of his face. There were also drainage tubes in place and the areas of his head not bandaged had dark bruises all over. Starsky’s body was heavily braced, to prevent any movement, he supposed. Hutch got as close as he could and stroked the side of his friend’s face that wasn’t bandaged, then he sat down and took his hand.

 

Part II

“Starsk, I can’t pretend to understand what was going through your mind when you did this. Maybe I’ve never known you as well as I thought, but I’ll do anything I can to get you through it. I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life, not my parents or even Val. None of them ever began to understand me like you do.”

Hutch realized how this sounded and hoped Starsky wouldn’t quite remember this conversation. There’d been rumors that he and his partner were gay circulating the locker rooms the last few years. They both knew the truth of that and Hutch had given little thought to it. He’d heard the rumors about other partners who were very close. They were just two people who’d grown so close, so easy with each other, so used to each other, that they couldn’t bear to change the relationship. Hutch had also heard cases of twins who were unable to ever leave to get married or move away because of this close bond. Starsky had been stung by it, though, raging like a bull at anyone he thought was thinking that way and the rumors had died down for awhile. They’d flared back up briefly after the shooting because of all the care and support he’d given Starsky, moving him into his apartment, spending as much time with him as he could, but most of the officers just laughed at the rumors now and the only time it came up was when someone new was hired who happened to come to that conclusion, and that was soon squelched.

Glancing back at the wounded body beside him, he went on talking softly to him about nothing, about everything, until the nurse came back and told him he would have to leave.

Being able to see for himself that his best friend was still alive, although for how long he had his doubts, and being able to tell him what he needed to had been right for him and now he felt like going home and sleeping. He totally forgot to call Sandy, though.

The phone brought him out of deep sleep and he glanced at the clock, eyes widening to see that it was three in the afternoon.

“Talk to me,” he answered groggily.

“Hutchinson!” Dobey’s voiced barked out over the receiver, causing Hutch to jerk the phone a few inches away from his ear to adjust his comfort level. “I’ve been waiting for you to resurface, but finally gave up and decided to see if I could rouse you.”

“Are you at the hospital, Cap’n?” Hutch was ashamed that he could’ve slept so long oblivious to what was happening to his buddy.

“Yup, I’ve been here since about ten this morning,” Dobey said, laying on the guilt a little thicker.

Hutch groaned. “What’s going on, Cap’n?”

The big man sighed. “Your partner’s hanging in there. The doctor says that every hour he stays alive gives him a better chance of recovery. His condition hasn’t changed.”

“Have you been in there to see him, Cap?” Hutch wanted to prepare the man for what he would see, but Dobey answered,

“Huggy and I went in this morning, just about brought me to my knees and Huggy took off, I don’t know where he went, but he was shook!’

Hutch knew when Dobey called him by his first name, he was pretty overwhelmed, so he quickly said, “I’ll be there right away, Cap’n!”

He decided to see if Sandy wanted to come with him, but her friend came to the door and claimed she was feeling too shaky to go out yet. “What the heck…..?” Hutch muttered to himself on the way back down the stairs. He was getting a very bad feeling about this, but was going to hope that he was wrong.

Hours stretched into days and days into weeks, each day with a sameness to it that bordered on madness. A month passed.

The drugs were withdrawn, but still Starsky slept on, making Hutch wish he could just join him until this was all over. His partner’s condition was listed as critical, but stable and Hutch began to wonder if this would go on for years. He couldn’t even entertain the possibility that Starsky might never wake up.

He’d called Sandy a few times in the first few weeks, getting a variety of reasons she didn’t want to see Starsky. She couldn’t stand to see him like that, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown herself, he wouldn’t know she was there anyway. Hutch patiently tried to explain to her that people in comas do know their loved ones are there and do hear them talking to them, but it was no use. Finally one night he went over to see her. He’d already decided what was going on in her head, but he wanted to hear it firsthand. He found her sitting down to dinner with a man he’d never seen before and the situation became obvious when he saw how guilty and embarrassed she was by the whole occurrence. She jumped up and begged Hutch to come outside with her and talk. He agreed and they went out into the hall.

“You sure didn’t wait long to replace him, I see.” Hutch hissed.

“Hutch, let me explain, please.” she begged him.

“I think it’s all too obvious, but try and make yourself feel better if you need to”, Hutch said coldly.

“I just couldn’t face the guilt. I was overwhelmed by the thought of what it would take to get him healthy again and I was worried about his mental state, that it would get worse. You know, he hadn’t been himself for awhile. I just couldn’t..”

Hutch interrupted her with a snarl that made her take a step backward. “Lady,” he shouted, “If any man threatened to hurt my buddy like you’re about to, I’d beat them senseless! I can’t do that to you, but if you ever come around him again, I just may reconsider that!”

Sandy just stood there shocked, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to think of some other way to justify herself. Her friend stuck his head out of her apartment to see what the shouting was about and Hutch turned to him.

“She’s all yours, pal, and good luck to you. You’ll need it.”

Back in the car, he laid his head against the steering wheel. His gut wrenched as he thought. Another heartache for his friend to wake up to! “God help us, now” he mumbled, a few tears running down his cheeks. He wiped them on his coat sleeve. His father had told him men weren’t supposed to cry and probably Starsky’s dad had told him the same thing, but there seemed to be no end of tears for either of them lately. Sometimes he wondered if he were still ” normal” or even sane at this point.

As he burst into the waiting room of the hospital, he startled Dobey and Huggy with his ferocity. They’d taken to gathering there a lot just to be close in case Starsky woke up.

“What’s got your Viking temper stirred up now, Blondie?” Huggy asked.

“I’d just like to know how I’m supposed to tell Starsky when he wakes up that his “lady” has gone out and replaced him with another man, that’s all! How much is one person supposed to take? That man in there has done nothing but care about other people all his life and every time he tries to crawl up out of the pit, somebody kicks him back in again. I can’t do this anymore! Maybe I should just “cut and run”, too.

Dobey put a hand on Hutch’s shoulder and squeezed. “You’ll know how to tell him when the time comes, son”, he said with confidence.

It was a few days later as Hutch was sitting by his partner’s bed that he first felt, then saw his friend’s dark blue eyes regarding him in puzzlement. His heart thumping faster than it should be, he hurried down the hall and found Alex Chandler not too far away and both men ran back to Starsky’s room.

He was beginning to thrash around, panicked by all the tubes and wires, trying to yell, but not being able to with the tube in his throat. Alex gave him a mild sedative, fearful that he was going to do damage to his already traumatized body.

Hutch wasted no time relaying the news to Dobey and Huggy in the waiting room and got the expected reaction from them, too. When he got back to the room, he found his friend sleeping again, but normally, aided by only the sedatives he’d been given to ease his agitation. Hutch put his head back and slept, too, but he didn’t need any sedatives.

He came out of his sleep, just one soft moan reaching him where he was, in a distant world where worries didn’t intrude.

He found his partner trying frantically to talk, pointing to the thick tube and obviously wanting someone to take it out. Hutch knew it was something that he would have to be weaned off of gradually..

“It’s about time you woke up, buddy, you’ve been asleep for months”, he tried to keep a light tone, knowing there were things to be faced here that were bound to get heavy.

Starsky scrunched his face up trying to think what was happening. He winced in pain as he shifted a little. It was obvious that he didn’t remember what had happened to him. He put his hand up to his head and found the heavy bandage there.

Hutch watched in terror as he saw the whole gamut of emotions run across his partner’s face. He was reliving the whole thing and Hutch hoped to never see the expressions that passed behind his friend’s cobalt blue eyes again in anyone else’s. Starsky suddenly turned his eyes away.

“Don’t be embarrassed by what happened, Starsk. All of us get our thinking screwed up. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve been through so much lately”, Hutch spoke as softly as he possibly could.

His partner’s head snapped back around as quickly as was possible, considering the neck brace he was in. It must have hurt badly, as he gasped for breath, then fixed his friend with a look of blazing hatred. He made a motion for Hutch to leave him alone.

Having done that, Starsky turned his face away, ignoring anything else Hutch had to say. Finally, the blond gave up and just left the room, confused by his friend’s reaction.

Starsky was confused by his own reaction. What had made him do that to the man he loved like a brother? Knowing Hutch, he’d probably been sitting there pretty much since Starsky had been brought in. Months, he’d said. What did I do to my friends this time? He thought despairingly. There’s just some people who shouldn’t have friends to go around trampling on. But he knew that If Hutch were to come back in the door right now, he’d turn his head away again. He knew that without question, sure as God made little green apples. His head ached as realizations came flooding in, carrying all the ramifications of what he’d done, the thoughts he should have thought before he acted so recklessly. The truth was, he hadn’t thought at all. He ‘d acted impulsively from his anger and he knew that the feelings of wanting to die had been there behind it all. For some reason, he’d survived even this. Hutch had been right, he was ashamed, deeply ashamed. He started doing some assessment of his injuries and decided everything was where it was supposed to be. When he got to his left arm, though, he realized something was wrong. Although he could make some movement with his arm, it was limited and he couldn’t close his fingers at all. His leg was the same story! He couldn’t move either normally. This scared him more than anything he’d ever been through, except maybe the time Hutch had been pinned under his car and Starsky couldn’t find him, or the time his partner had botulism and only Starsky was able to get to him in time, or there was the time Hutch had a plague and had almost died before Starsky was able to locate the man with the antitoxin running through his veins. There’d been so many close calls and they’d made it through all of them and then he’d had to go and disrespect Hutch like this. He’d never thought of himself as a quitter, in fact, he had no respect for them. Now he’d found out he was the ultimate quitter! Well, if he was one, he was. Life didn’t seem to be worth fighting for, maybe life as a quitter wouldn’t be so bad. He forgot about his arm and leg, relaxed and thought about Sandy, wondering if she’d forgiven him yet. He drifted off to sleep, wondering if she was in the waiting room. It’d be good to see her.

Once they were sure he was breathing well on his own, they removed the tube that had irritated Starsky so much. He was on medication and slept almost continually, except when they came in to tend to his needs. They started passive physical therapy to get the muscles that had atrophied during his coma working again. He was never sure if Hutch had been there or not. Starsky mourned for the friendship he’d jeopardized.

When he woke up again, there was Hutch, an anxious look on his face.

Starsky smiled, “Just can’t get away from you, can I?”

“Seems like you’ve tried just about everything”, Hutch said rather coldly, “but as you can see, I’m back!”

“Hutch, you were right. I was really ashamed of myself. You knew, you know me so well. I’m sorry I turned on you like that.” .

“You’re lucky I do understand or I wouldn’t be standing here now. I forgive you. Just try to keep your scorecard straight, okay? I’m not the enemy.”

Starsky looked up at him with scared eyes. “I can’t move my arm or leg too well, but they say everything else is healing.” won’t work.”

“I know, Starsk, how could you be so reckless?” Hutch scolded him.

Alex saved Starsky from the lecture Hutch had been well prepared to deliver.by entering the room.

“Hi Doc. Hey, isn’t it about time you got him up on his feet?” He indicated a miserable-looking Starsky. I gotta tell you, this man can tick me off worse than anybody else!” Hutch said, glaring at his partner.

“It’s a pity you made me work so hard to save him, then, isn’t it?” the doctor quipped.

Starsky lay there between the two men, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

“Well, Dave,” Alex asked. ” What did you do to get your partner so worked up?”

He started to explain, but Hutch broke in, so he decided to just let him “rave on” for awhile. Maybe he’d get some of his anger out of his system.

“He knew what he was doing. He’s a cop, for god’s sake! He knew better than to be driving like that. I don’t know why he didn’t come and talk to me like he always has. We worked so hard to get him back on the streets again and now this. Damn!”

Starsky knew his partner was right and remained silent.

Hutch whirled on him, wanting to blame someone. “Now he’s done damage to himself. Was I going to be the last one to know? I am a partner in all this, aren’t I?”

“Dave wanted to be the one to tell you.. The nurses noticed shortly after he woke up that he wasn’t using that side of his body, but we thought it might be temporary. He’s had some tests. We should know something later on today. Alex clasped Hutch’s shoulder to try and calm him down a little.

“Does he often get like this, Starsky?”

“Oh yeah, very bossy, bad tempered. It’s his Viking genes, ya know. He can ‘t really help himself.”

Alex laughed and left the room to tend to some other task.

Hutch was obviously still irritated and didn’t bother to talk to his friend, but walked back and forth, muttering to himself.

“What’s that?” Starsky asked. “If you’re going to grumble, at least let me in on it.”

“How am I supposed to take care of you, if you won’t let me?” Hutch said to himself as much as to his friend.

Starsky exploded. “I wasn’t aware you were supposed to be taking care of me. I’m a grown man, you know. You’ve been getting real paternal on me lately and I don’t think I like it. Don’t you think everybody knows what you’re doing, giving me all that paperwork, saying you want to sit down all the time, when it’s me you’re babying. I want to be a whole man, again, or nothing at all.”

“Well, you’ve done just a great job of bettering yourself, there, haven’t you, buddy?” Hutch was just as angry as his counterpart. “I’m just as sick of having you rush into things and get into trouble and needing me to bail you out!”

“Bail me out? I think I’ve done that for you a time or two, wouldn’t you say? I’m the one here in this bed and you can’t bail me out of this one, now, can you, pal?” Starsky’s tone softened a little. “You look like hell, why don’t you go somewhere and pass out or something?”

“Guess maybe I’ll do that, if that’s what you want. See ya around, Starsk,” Hutch went to the door and started to open it.

Hutch”, his friend said quietly, “Is Sandy out there?”

Hutch closed his eyes tiredly. ‘ I can’t do this now,’ he thought. ” I didn’t see her out there, partner,” he said truthfully.

“Would you get in touch with her for me, Hutch, please, I’d really like to see her, tell her how sorry I am.”

Hutch couldn’t get out the door quickly enough this time. “I’ll do what I can, buddy,”

He headed for the office. He knew he had to spend more time there, but he rarely got anything done lately. He’d shared the news of Starsky’s paralysis with Dobey and his answer was to assign him a new partner, over his violent protestations.

“I can’t keep you on the payroll if you’re not productive and you can’t be productive without a partner,” Dobey insisted. “It looks like Starsky’s going to be out of action for quite awhile.” Hutch just let it ride, but he didn’t agree. He was working on his own solution.

After putting in a hugely unprofitable and frustrating day, Hutch went home to shower and shave and went back to the hospital. He met Alex in the hall outside Starsky’s room and asked him if there was any news.

“Well, there’s plenty of nerve damage, but with a lot of hard work and therapy, I think we can get him walking again. His arm, too, but only with cooperation from him and I’m afraid he shut down when I mentioned the cure. He says he’d rather stay like this than to go through it all over again. I’ve seen his charts, of course, and know what he went through a few months ago. I realize how hard he worked and to think about doing it all over again must be overwhelming.” Alex sighed. “He knows this will be even harder and take longer. He also knows it’s no sure thing. Basically, without hard work, his career is finished. Do you think you can get him to try?”

`He’s stubborn, Alex,” Hutch said honestly. “That can work for us or against us.”

“I understand he has a girlfriend, although I’ve never met her. Do you think she could help him, Ken?” Alex didn’t like the look in the other man ‘s eyes.

” She ran out on him,” Hutch said bitterly. “She couldn’t even wait to talk to him and hear what he had to say.”

Alex let out a colorful expletive that shocked Hutch. He felt bad for the young detective. He was beginning to succumb to Starsky’s boyish charm just like everyone else and was sorry that the man had this cross to bear along with everything else.

“Does he know that yet?” he asked softly.

“Nope, I was just bringing him this last little bit of news. I’ve been stalling, but he asked for her last night.” Hutch heaved a deep sigh. “I sure don’t want this one, Alex, but I gotta do it, just the same.”

There didn’t seem to be anything else Alex could say, so he just walked away shaking his head.

Why is this up to me? Hutch asked himself. Starsky had always taken charge, barreled in, done most of the talking, pushed people around. It had kind of peeved Hutch at first, but after a couple years, he’d gotten used to it and even a little lazy, content to sit back and watch his dynamo of a partner “head ’em up and move ’em out. Since the shooting, though, it had been Hutch pushing him back to health, making sure he got enough rest, getting him to his doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions, making sure he got something to eat besides junk food. That was a challenge. Hutch was always finding pizza boxes behind the ‘fridge, burrito wrappers in the laundry hamper, greasy hamburger boxes under the bed. Now he seemed to be in charge of everything again and he was deciding he just wasn’t built for all this responsibility. He was having to grow up too fast and Ken Hutchinson wasn’t sure he was ready.

He found Starsky staring up at the ceiling, obviously deep in thought. He was looking so much better with the bandage off and his hair was growing in fast. Hutch remembered the first night when he’d seen him, how fragile and pale he’d looked. He was so busy in thought, he didn’t even notice his partner was watching him.

“What were you thinking about, Blondie?, he asked curiously.

“About how much better you’re looking, I guess,” Hutch admitted. “You should have seen yourself that first night. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

“Hey, I’ll always look great, even when you’ve lost all your hair. It’s getting pretty thin on top, you know,” Starsky seemed to think this was funny. Hutch didn’t.

“Well, Gordo, you looked pretty darn funny without hair yourself, you know.” he countered.

“They tell me some of my parts aren’t going to be working right from now on. Is that what they told you?” Starsky inquired.

“Not at all,” Hutch said evenly. “What they said was, that with some work, you would be walking around soon. I guess you just heard ’em wrong, buddy.”

“No more work, no more pain, I can’t go through that another time,” Starsky spit out immediately. “I’m a quitter now, hadn’t you heard? I even tried to quit on life. I’m too stupid to even do that right, apparently.”

“Starsk, I’ll help you, just like we did it before,” Hutch begged. He got no response.

“Hutch,” his partner said softly, “Sandy’s not coming, is she?”

Hutch couldn’t answer right then. His throat closed up and he just shook his head and dropped it down on the edge of the bed. A minute passed, then he felt Starsky touch his hand. He raised his head and saw tears in his friend’s eyes

“I did wrong treating her the way I did, Hutch,” He lay there with tears running back over his hair, soaking into his pillow. “I was just so scared of losing another person I loved, I thought I could hold her by force. I didn’t try to hold on to Terry hard enough and I missed so much. I maybe could have talked her into staying in the hospital. I could have had a lot more time with her, Hutch.

“You can’t know that, Starsk, and she would have hated you for it,” Hutch observed.

“But I could have tried,” Starsky said regretfully.

“Since you brought Terry up, babe, have you given any thought to what she’d have to say about your plans to sit down and let life just pass you by!” Hutch saw a chance to make a point, but knew it would touch a nerve. “She had the guts to get up out of her bed and live life for as long as she had it. How could you possibly do anything else?”

He was starting to warm up to his subject, now. He thought he saw a little blue fire in his partner’s eyes, but kept on going.

“Can you just imagine it, Starsk? She’d march in here and chew you up one side and down the other. Then if that didn’t work, she’d probably kick your worthless carcass right off that bed and onto your feet, or whatever else you happened to land on, for that matter. She could have done it, too.” Hutch stopped to allow himself a smile at that picture, as well as thinking it might not be such a bad idea.

“All that was a long time ago. Terry was a long time ago. I’ve changed, things aren’t so great anymore. I just can’t fight my way back again.” Starsky pouted like a child. “I’ve made up my mind, Hutch, I’m just gonna sit down in a wheelchair and watch you and your new partner round up the bad guys.”

Light suddenly dawned in Hutch’s blue eyes. It was all he could do to keep from grabbing Starsky by the throat and squeezing until his eyes popped out.

“That’s what this whole thing’s been about, hasn’t it, partner? I’ve wracked my brain trying to see why you really did this to yourself. I’ve listened to you come up with one insipid explanation after another, trying to understand why someone like you would all of a sudden give up on life like this, but I couldn’t make any sense of it. It’s like Huggy said, it’s just not your style. You’ve been through so much and stayed strong and bounced back. I knew you weren’t a quitter! You’re a fighter! You thought you were doing this for me, didn’t you?” Hutch was on a rampage like his partner had never witnessed before, so Starsky wisely kept his mouth shut. “You knew you couldn’t keep this up, you knew I’d never accept another partner, you were afraid you’d get me killed if you made a mistake watching my back. You didn’t want me to give up police work for you ’cause you thought that’s what I wanted. So in that warped, twisted idiot mind of yours, you decided to take yourself out of the equation so I could live the way you decided I needed to live! That’s selfish, Dave Starsky, really selfish!”

Starsky decided he had something to say about that. “Selfish?, you call that selfish? I tried to give you your life back and you call me selfish? Why?”

“Cause all you could think about was what you could do for me, what you could give up for me! You didn’t give me a vote. You didn’t come out and say, let’s talk this out, partner, we got a problem. You just impulsively charged in like always and you almost lost me the thing I care most about in the world!” Hutch paused for breath. His face was getting red and his partner was afraid he was going to have a stroke.

“I’m sorry, Hutch, I just never thought.” Starsky tried to calm things down a little.

“That’s right, you never thought, you never think, you just do! You’re so anxious to save the world, to be everybody’s mine sweeper, you don’t stop until you’re out the other side and wondering what hit you. This time you almost didn’t come out the other side. Next time you might not. I can’t stand around and watch this happen anymore. Get yourself somebody who really enjoys suffering, Detective Starsky! I’m outta here!” And he was, slamming the door so hard the hinges vibrated.

Starsky didn’t expect his friend to be back anytime soon and he had a lot of time to think. He never doubted for a minute that Hutch would be back, though, because if the roles were reversed, he could never have walked away from their friendship.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke two days later to see Hutch sitting there just waiting quietly for him to come to.

“Do you think I could have my say now,” Starsky asked rather coldly, “I believe you’ve made me wait long enough>”

“Of course,” Hutch conceded sweetly, because he already knew which way this was going to play out.

“I thought a lot the last couple days, Hutch, and I gotta admit you’re right about me. Don’t get used to me saying that too often, though.” He said quietly. “I thought I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with you anymore and our relationship would change completely, I’d have to take some kind of a crummy desk job, or something. I thought I had no reason to live, so why not let you. I discovered that the reason was us, though, buddy. I’m willing to take whatever time you can make for me in your life. Our friendship is special and I should have known you well enough to trust that you wouldn’t just dump me. I guess it’s true, you really are the brains of this particular team, just like you always said. I’m sorry I gave you so much trouble.”

Hutch squared his shoulders. “Now let me tell you exactly how things are going to be, my friend, and I want you to just shut up and listen until I’m done. We both have to grow up, Starsk. I’m getting out from “under”. I’m not getting any younger, the thrill is being driven away by fear. It’s mostly hard work anymore and, no, I’m not going back out there without you to watch my back.”

Starsky opened his mouth experimentally, but closed it again when he saw his friend’s warning look. “Hey”, he said by way of explanation, “That young idiot they put me with the other day almost got my head blown off!”

Hutch went on, ” But I’m not going to stop being a cop, though, Starsky, and what’s more, neither are you. I’ve looked into it and there are all sorts of opportunities for us to do police work until you’re 100% and we decide if we want back in. As soon as you’re out of here, you’re coming home with me and we’re going to do this one more time, and if you won’t help, I’ll be behind you all the way with a well-placed kick!. We’re going to let our apartments go and get one place where you can get around. If I need to get you a nursemaid, I’ll do that, too, a big 300-lb black dude who can sit on you if you won’t do what you’re told.” He grinned evilly, “Maybe I’ll just get Dobey.” Hutch paused for breath.

“You can’t force me to do this, Hutch, you can’t just make it happen.” Starsky spoke in a low, menacing voice.

“Hey, Starsk, I don’t think I would’ve had the guts to do what you tried to do for me, but I do have the guts to push you to do this for yourself.”

Hutch sighed tiredly, “Anyway, better get used to it, buddy, I’m calling the shots around here from now on!”

A spark of blue fire erupted out of Starsky’s eyes.

“I suppose you think you’re big enough to do that.” he challenged.

Hutch smiled a nasty smile and a dangerous glint appeared in his eyes. “Right now, I know I am.”

Starsky thought that one over for awhile, then he turned back to his friend. “Okay, Hutch, we’ll try it your way. But can I at least have a burrito now and then or a pizza or a big old ice cream sundae?”

Hutch put a hand on each side of his best friend’s face and brought Starsky’ s forehead over to rest on his. He looked into those dark blue eyes and surrendered on this one point. “Sure, pal, anything you want.”

Starsky looked back into his light blue eyes and said quietly, “Me and thee, maybe that’s just the way it was always supposed to be, huh, Hutch?”

The “real” truth of that hit Hutch like a shockwave that sent tingles up his spine. Putting his newly discovered thoughts on the back burner for the time being, he grinned and pushed his friend’s hair back off of his face before he answered. “Gee, nothing ever gets by you, does it, Sherlock?”

 

Part III

“Wake up, slacker!” Hutch came barging into Starsky’s room, enthusiastic, to say the least, about this highly-anticipated day. His partner, on the other hand, not as willing to start his morning this early, squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth in order to keep from biting someone’s head off.

“Starsk, come on,” Hutch insisted, “Dobey wants us in his office at nine o’clock. Let’s get going!”

Starsky wondered for about the thirtieth time that month just who died and made his partner boss, but shrugged the covers off and started swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He winced at the sudden spasm of pain in his shoulder where he’d slept on it wrong. ‘ I’ m too young to feel this damn old,’ he thought, and that made him smile, ’cause it sounded like good lyrics for a hillbilly song.

He got up on his feet and noticed that Hutch had laid his clothes out for him, just as he had every morning of the year they’d been living here together. ‘ It’s about time he stopped that crap,’ Starsky thought darkly. He’s still treating me like a little kid. Their arrangement had gone along pretty well until the last couple of months. Things were starting to go downhill fast at the old Starsky/Hutchinson pad, or that should be the Hutchinson/Starsky pad, for all he had to say about it. Things were about to get exciting, something there hadn’t been much of in the last year. The clash of wills had already begun, but only in Starsky’s mind so far.

The detective had worked hard to get where he was now, once he got the message that Hutch wasn’t going to let up on him. He only had a slight limp when he really got tired to remind anyone of his ordeal. He was still toiling at it and felt he was in pretty good shape for the shape he was in. Another good song title, he thought to himself. Maybe he ought to skip this undercover thing and just start writing hillbilly songs. He laughed to himself. Everybody knew country music just wasn’t his thing, although he did enjoy it when he heard Hutch sing something country. But that was Hutch, he loved everything about the man, even being bullied by him. He had a fleeting thought that things had changed between them lately and they really should talk it out. But now was definitely not the time.

He did still have some problems with his left hand. His fingers didn’t always close when they got the message from his brain and he’d spent a lot of time cleaning up after his dropped messes. That had worried him to the extent that he’d spent countless hours learning to use his right hand as much as possible and had gotten good with it. He felt he was now able to handle his gun as efficiently with his right hand as with his left.

Hutch was making a lot of noise in the kitchen, so he figured he’d better get on with things before he got lectured. In some respects, they’d slipped into the relationship of an old married couple, Hutch taking care of him, doing everything he could to make his partner happy and successful in his rehabilitation. Starsky was more grateful than he could say, but Hutch didn’t seem to want to change any part of that and now that they were going to be back on the streets, it had to change. ‘He can’t be stopping in the middle of a big bust to wipe my nose,” Starsky thought. ‘That’s going to get one of us killed.’ Things had to be different.

“C’mon Starsk,” Hutch poked his head in the bathroom, where his partner was just finishing up shaving. “I’ve got breakfast on the table. Let’s go!”

“Yes, mother,” Starsky sniped sarcastically. ” Want to make sure my ears are clean and everything?”

Hutch ignored him, used to his partner’s moods. He’d seen them all in the last year. It sure hadn’t been easy. It’s a good thing he loved the moron or he would have killed him long ago. That thought made him shudder. He realized just how close he’d come to losing Starsky on two occasions now.. He had to work twice as hard to make sure that didn’t happen again.

Sometimes he felt really bad that he’d just taken over Starsky’s life the way he had, without giving him a choice, but when he studied his friend, he could see that he looked better than he had in the last couple years. He decided it was well worth it. He had a feeling that Starsky was beginning to champ at the bit a little, but he didn’t want things to change. He was enjoying his new and improved partner too much. Granted, he didn’t smile and joke as much as he used to, but that would come back in time, he was sure. Right now it was enough to have him alive and well and Hutch was going to make sure he stayed that way, even if he had to wrap him in cotton to keep him safe.

Hutch looked at his partner. The old scars on his chest had paled and thinned out and the damage done to his head in the car accident was covered again with the thick dark curls, the only noticeable reminder being a fine scar that ran from his hairline to his cheekbone. Women seemed to be fascinated with this scar and were constantly finding occasions to stroke his cheek. ‘Some guys had it all and some didn’t,’ Starsky was quick to say about this revolting development.

“You gonna stand there drooling over me, or are you gonna let me get dressed?” Starsky broke into his reverie.

“If I’m going to do any drooling, I’ll find someone with a little less hair on their chest,” Hutch retreated, blushing.

He’d found himself actually having sexual thoughts about his very male partner and best friend. He chalked it up to not having much time to date, sure he would get over it in time. He couldn’t imagine the dark-haired man ever thinking about him in that way and he couldn’t picture ever telling him about his feelings. Hutch was really embarrassed when he caught himself wondering what it would be like to e naked, wrapped in each others arms.

He was relieved to see his friend finally exit the bedroom and make his way over to where Hutch had laid his breakfast out.

“Now that life is gettin’ back to normal, can’t I just have coffee and doughnuts like I used to?” Starsky whined.

“Why change what’s been working for us, Starsk?” Hutch replied. “Breakfast is good for you. It’s the most important meal of the day, you know.”

As if he hadn’t heard that every morning of the past year. Starsky rolled his eyes. Hutch had lost his spontaneity, his ability to adapt well. He was becoming a real creature of habit. Starsky had to wonder if this new wrinkle was going to work out in undercover work, where you needed to be able to hang loose, but time would tell.

“I’m really not hungry anyway, babe. I’m a little nervous with this whole thing. I’m not sure I’m ready. It’s been a long time,” Starsky said a little shakily.

“For me, too, you know, Starsk.” Hutch responded.

Actually, they’d both had their hand in police work pretty much the whole year, Hutch more actively, of course, but Starsky had graduated from a desk job to riding in a black-and-white with Hutch, providing backup to the guys who were out there doing what they used to do. It was hard for them not to be critical of the way the others worked. It just wasn’t the way they operated, but they kept their opinions to themselves, Starsky sometimes with a warning look and a “chill-out” gesture from his partner.

When it was time to leave, it was a very subdued Starsky who followed Hutch out to the Torino. Starsky had insisted that he use the insurance money to find another Torino and had it painted and striped just like the original. Hutch hated to even ride in it, because it reminded him of the way he’d seen his partner pulled out of the other one, but his car was in the shop, so they had to use it. ‘Some things just never change,’ thought Starsky with a sigh, as he settled himself into the passenger seat.

Over the last year, Hutch had been doing pretty much all the driving and Starsky, feeling he owed Hutch so much, had resigned himself to letting his friend take the lead. This, too, was, in Starsky’s mind, subject to change and it couldn’t be soon enough. Hutch had been good to him when he least deserved it and he did his best to respond by not rocking the boat. He sometimes felt like he was going to explode soon, though, and wondered if his partner had any idea how he felt.

Hutch was riding high and not at all intent on Starsky’s feelings. It had been a good thing to sit back and do something else for awhile and get his objectivity back. But he’d discovered he missed undercover work more than he thought he would and was “gung ho” to throw himself headfirst back into it, even if that meant sending his friend hurtling toward the same objective.

When they got to the squad room, Dobey was anxious to get his best team back out on the streets and they were running late already on their first day.

They barreled into Dobey’s office, stopped short when they saw the big man’s face. “Sorry we’re a little late, Cap’n, I had to shove Starsky all the way! We’re rarin’ to go, though!” Dobey looked from one man to the other and had no problem seeing that the feeling was a little one-sided.

“How are you dealing with this, Starsky?” Dobey asked softly. “Do you think you’re ready for it?”

“Everybody tells me I am, Cap’n. The doctors gave me a clean bill of health, just got butterflies in my stomach, that’s all.” he answered with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Well, if you two are going to be working for me again, there’s some things we gotta get straight, okay?” Dobey went on in his usual louder-than-necessary tone. “Get here on time, go by the book, and for everybody’s sake, act like adults here at work. I don’t care what you two do on your off hours, but you’d better be professional on your job! And considering who I’m talking to, one thing hasn’t changed, no private parties, you got a problem, come to me with it.”

The guys looked at one another and grinned. It was almost the same speech he’d given them when they’d first been assigned to him, how long ago?

Dobey finished up with, “It’s great to have you back! Now maybe we’ll get some of the bad guys locked up for a change.”

Amused and flattered, they were ready to leave the office when Dobey got a call. He held up one finger, indicating they should wait a minute.

“Well, guys, it’s your first case already. A body’s been found down by the docks. How about you two quit taking up space and get busy,” Dobey requested.

“We’re on it, Cap’n,” Hutch called back over his shoulder on the way out the door. Starsky followed at a little slower pace and without the usual wisecracks, “See ya later, Cap’n.” he said companionably.

The docks were a beehive of activity this time of the morning with not only all the squad cars and crime scene people, but lots of “lookers”, which always made life miserable for those who were trying to do their job, and the press, of course, who made life miserable for everyone. They’d already done some publicity about the “dynamic duo” coming back to work, which was real helpful, considering that their type of work required anonymity for the most part.

The medical examiner was on the scene already. He was not anyone that Starsky was familiar with and he was definitely taking his time. The detective took in the man’s appearance; dark, husky, muscular-looking, walked with a bit of a limp, but hey, he couldn’t hold that against him. He looked very familiar and gave Starsky the creeps, especially when he glanced up and their eyes met. The man looked like he didn’t welcome the intrusion by the detective and he would just as soon see him in hell at that particular moment.

Starsky shuddered, thinking he was getting a little, no, a lot paranoid, and maybe he wasn’t ready for being back to this kind of fun job yet.

What do you have for us, Doc?” Starsky pushed him a little because he didn’t like the man’s look.

“Not a whole lot yet,” the older man said distantly. He spoke with an accent Starsky couldn’t place.” I’d say the killing took place between two and four A.M., cause of death, a bullet placed at close range between the second and third cervical vertebrae.”

Starsky stepped over to glance at the body before they put it on a gurney in order to load it into the coroner’s wagon. His eyes widened in shock when he looked down and saw the face that was about to be zipped up into a body bag. He ran over behind some boxes and vomited what little Hutch had gotten him to eat for breakfast, then stayed on his knees for awhile, praying that it had all been a mistake. He knew he was acting like a rookie cop, but this was really too much! ‘ If somebody up there,’ he looked skyward, ‘was trying to see how much he could take before he found himself in a rubber room,’ they were doing a good job. Killing off everybody he cared about seemed to be a way of life for him, but he’d lulled himself back into a sense of false security this last year. Nothing really bad had happened. A few tears rolled down his cheeks.

Hutch, who had been questioning the homeless man who’d found the body, noticed what was going on and came running over to him.

“Starsk, are you okay, are you hurt? Are you having chest pains? What’s wrong?”

He was panicking. When the Gunther shooting had gone down and Starsky had suffered so much damage, the doctors had shared with Hutch that it could someday affect his heart. Every little gas pain Starsky had signaled a heart attack in Hutch’s mind and he’d worked himself into a nice little neurosis about it that drove his partner nuts.

“No, I’m not having a heart attack,” Starsky said, gritting his teeth . “I just got a look at who that was on the gurney over there and I’m not a bit happy about it and neither will you be, so don’t make an issue of it. I already made a fool out of myself here, let’s pull it together!”

“Who is it, Starsk?” Hutch had seen his partner’s reaction and knew it had to be someone close, but was totally unprepared for the answer.

Starsky stammered, “Hutch, it’s Alex, Alex Chandler.”

Hutch felt a knife pierce his heart. Alex Chandler had been the doctor who had saved Starsky’s life a year ago. Both detectives had appreciated the care and skill of the other man, and since he was close to their own age, they’d gotten to know him better, even dragging him to Huggy’s a few times to socialize. He’d been kind of shy, laid back and quiet, but really seemed to enjoy the interaction between the two partners and several nights had dissolved in laughter over their antics to the point where they thought they were going to have to carry him out. He was a heck of a pool player, too, the only one who could really hold his own with either detective and manage to beat them pretty devastatingly a few times. Hutch couldn’t imagine anyone less likely to be lying dead here in the bowels of the worst area of the city, and after Starsky told him it looked like an execution, gangland-style, he was even more confused. Alex was from a good, upper middle-class family and had no drug connections that they knew of. Had it just been a random thing , and, if so, what was he doing down there at two in the morning? He looked at Starsky and saw the same pain and puzzlement mirrored in his eyes and knew he was thinking he wasn’t ready for this yet. Hutch wondered if he was, either.

They wrapped things up as quickly as possible and climbed back into the car where they could be alone for a minute. Both of them had lost whatever enthusiasm for their job they’d had initially and were plunged into a depression that threatened to swallow them up. They went back to Metro to report to Dobey, who’d also gotten to know the young doctor while Starsky was in the hospital and was properly shocked over the whole thing, too. They worked on their reports the rest of the afternoon and left for home just as it was starting to get dark. They hadn’t said more than a few words all day, each one of them lost in his own thoughts and emotions.

“What do you want for dinner, Starsk?” Hutch asked when they had gotten inside and shed their coats, guns and shoes.

“Let’s just order a pizza, okay, partner? I’m not up for cooking anything and neither are you This really took the wind out of my sails,” Starsky muttered morosely.

“Pizza, it is, pal,” Hutch said, none too brightly himself, and reached for the phone.

Both opted for an early bedtime and both tossed and turned a long time before they were able to fall asleep.

Something woke Hutch in the night and he rolled over to look at his clock, seeing it was about one o’clock. Thinking Starsky was up polishing off the last slices of pizza, instead of saving them for his “all American breakfast”, which included root beer, he got up to see how he was doing. There had been so many times in the past year he’d done this. He guessed he always would. The way Starsky had flipped out and used his car to decide whether he should live or die had left Hutch with the justifiable fear that it could happen again. He’d arrived at the conclusion that he couldn’t hold his partner’s hand 24 hours a day, but he slept very lightly now, and with the depressing day his friend had put in, Hutch was more than a little worried about his mental state.

He was headed for the kitchen when he realized the noises were coming from his partner’s bedroom. When they’d moved in together, they’d decided to respect each other’s privacy as much as possible, so they avoided invading that last bastion of each other’s “space,” but Hutch pushed on the door without knocking. He just “felt” that something was not right and it required not startling his friend. His instinct had been right. Starsky was crouched in the far corner of the room, naked, his legs bent under him in an awkward, uncomfortable way and he was rocking back and forth, singing to himself. Hutch recognized Silent Night. Christmas songs, in October?

Something told Hutch this was not just a new way of handling grief, so he quietly let himself into the room and approached his friend. “Hey, buddy, what is it? What’s wrong?”

He got no answer, just the tuneless crooning and he could see his partner was somewhere else. He reached out to touch him on the shoulder and was knocked back with a vicious left jab to his jaw. He looked up to see another one coming and ducked this time. That threw Starsky face down on the floor and Hutch pinned his arms quickly and sat on him. He knew this wasn’t personal and was prepared to do whatever was needed to protect himself and his partner. He really had no idea what to do next, but saw Starsky’s handcuffs in his pants pockets hanging on the back of the chair and grabbed them, putting them gently on the still struggling man beneath him. Then he rolled off him and tried to help him over onto his back. Starsky immediately curled up in a fetal position and closed his eyes. After trying again to get some response out of him, Hutch tucked a blanket around him and held him close, rocking him until his body relaxed and Hutch felt that he was sleeping peacefully. He grabbed a pillow from the bed and put it under the mans head. Then he went to put some ice on his jaw, which was beginning to throb. He hated to leave the handcuffs on his friend, but was afraid to take them off until he could get some kind of coherent response from him, so settled for getting a pillow and blanket off the bed and lying down on the floor close enough to him where he could be of help if needed, but not close enough to be a target. He hadn’t intended to fall off to sleep, but finally the events of the day got to him and his eyes closed.

He was awakened sometime later by Starsky screaming at him, alternately cursing and pleading with him to wake up and explain what was going on. Seeing that his partner was back, he quickly took the handcuffs off and helped him into a sitting position, trying to rub the feeling back into his arms. He could see Starsky didn’t remember anything that had happened in the night and that he was furious, especially waking up in such a compromising position. Hutch wondered how he was going to explain this one to him.

“Hutchinson, is there something I should know? What am I doing naked, with my hands cuffed, sleeping next to you on the floor?” he barked. “You didn’t , we didn’t, nothing weird happened here, right?”

“No, you and I didn’t, and it depends on how you define weird!” Hutch growled back, but in the back of his mind he heard the question ‘would it really be so bad, Starsk, if we did?’.

“Then, what is going on?” his partner asked tiredly. “I’m getting sick of running, always trying to look back to see when the next lightning bolt’s gonna hit. Just let me have it straight, okay?”

Hutch hated to tell him because he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. His partner was already almost over the edge and it wouldn’t take much more to turn him back into the wild man he’d been last night. For the first time, Hutch could see that Starsky hadn’t been ready to go back on the streets. He’d only been doing this because he knew his partner wanted it so badly.

“I got up, Starsk, because I heard some noise coming from your room and looked in and you were all crunched up in the corner over there, with barely a stitch on and singing Christmas carols to yourself under your breath. I tried to bring you around, but you didn’t even seem to realize I was here, then I touched you and you decked me. You weren’t going to stop at one, and I wasn’t in the mood to be a punching bag. I didn’t want to hurt you or let you hurt yourself, so I put your cuffs on you. Sorry, I couldn’t think of what else to do,” Hutch explained.

“S okay, Hutch, I would have done the same thing. I’m sorry I hurt you. It must’ve been a heck of a nightmare! I mean, I’ve had them for a long time, but not like this. Do you think I’m going crazy, Hutch? I’m really scared of the things that’re happening.” Starsky sounded like a little boy and Hutch couldn’t help but put his arm around him and hold him tight.

“No, I don’t think you’re going nuts or anything like that, but if you’re worried about it, why don’t you get some counseling or something. You’ve been through hell and back and things are starting to get kind of heavy again. Maybe we could use a little help with it.” Hutch wasn’t so sure his partner wasn’t headed for some kind of a breakdown, but wasn’t about to tell him that.

“We,” Starsky questioned. “I seem to be the one with the problem.”

“Your problems are mine, too. Me and thee, you know. That’s never subject to change.” Hutch helped his friend up and threw him his pajama bottoms. “Let’s go see if that pizza tastes any good cold, okay?”

The next morning, Starsky was up and dressed when Hutch came out of his room, he suspected because he’d been afraid to go back to sleep. He seemed okay, just a little shaken by the night’s experience. He was quiet and reflective as they headed for the hospital, having decided to start with Alex’s co-workers, to see what they could learn about the man that they didn’t already know.

One of the first people they encountered was Cheryl, who’d been in ICU and had done a major share of Starsky’s care when he’d been there a year ago. She was a petite blonde, really beautiful, with big green eyes and a sense of humor that exactly matched his partner’s. She’d also had a major “thing” for Starsky and Hutch knew that he’d liked her, too. He’d wondered why his friend had never seen her after he got out of the hospital, but had figured that he wanted to put that whole experience behind him or that he felt self conscious about what he called his disability.

Starsky crept up behind her and put his arm around her waist. She spun around and the smile on her face when she saw his partner left no doubt in Hutch’s mind that the “thing” was still alive and well.

“Hey, pretty lady,” Starsky said, flashing that killer smile at her. She threw her arms around him like she never intended to let him get away again.

He doesn’t even have to work at it, Hutch thought, bemused at his friend’s way with women. He thought he had a pretty good track record, although he did seem to always be picking the wrong women, but they just seemed to be drawn to his partner like he was some kind of magnet.

“Dave!” she gave him a big kiss on the cheek., then stood back, “let me look at you, gorgeous as ever and just as dangerous, I bet.”

“Even more,” he quipped, “cause I got two good hands now. Hey, you going with anyone, or, you didn’t get married on me, did you?” he asked hopefully.

She flashed a smile and wiggled her fingers in front of his face, no rings.

“Just been hanging around waiting for you to come back and get me! What took you so long?”

“Starsk? Starsk?,” Hutch tried to get a word in edgewise. “We’ve got work to do here, you know.”

Cheryl finally noticed him then, which was demoralizing and gave him a kiss on the cheek, too. “How are you doing, Ken? Has he been giving you much trouble?”

“Always, Cheryl, always,” he said with an exhausted, hang-dog expression on his face.

“Maybe I can take him off your hands some evening,” she said with a sidelong look at Starsky.

“Hey, I don’t need a babysitter. You two make me feel like you should be putting diapers on me or something.” Starsky said with a pout.

“Been there, done that,” Cheryl came back with a grin, and Starsky went beet-red at the thought of her taking care of him when he’d been in the coma. Hutch cracked up at the look on his face.

She grabbed a slip of paper, wrote her phone number on it and slipped it into his partner’s pocket. “Call me this time, Dave, a woman can only take just so much rejection. Ken, remind him to call me.”

“Call her, Starsk,” Hutch said, smiling.

“I will, I promise,” Starsky said, giving her the boy scout salute.

Okay, time to get serious, thought Hutch. “Cheryl, you got a minute? We’re on a case and need to ask some questions.”

“Sure, Ken, I’m on my break. What’s it all about?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Alex Chandler. We’ve been assigned to investigate his murder.” Hutch said softly.

“Ah, Alex, what a tragedy,” she said sadly. “None of us got to know him real well. He was kind of quiet and kept to himself. I don’t think he even dated any of the nurses and that’s really unusual for the doctors around here.” She smiled at Starsky for effect, “Oh, but I don’t date doctors, of course.”

“Yeah, right, you just sit around and watch T.V. every Saturday night, I suppose.” Starsky challenged.

“I told you I’d just been saving myself up for you, Dave, bank’s open whenever you want to make a withdrawal.”

“Hey,” Hutch interrupted. “Why don’t you two get a room, so I can go on with my job?”

“Sorry, Hutch,” his partner said contritely. “Cheryl, can you think of any enemies Alex might have made here in the hospital?”

“None that I can think of at the moment, oh wait, there was one nasty incident about seven months ago. Alex caught one of the orderlies stealing drugs from the supply room and turned him in. He got fired, of course, but I never heard if he went to jail.”

“Good girl, Cheryl,” Starsky praised, planting a big kiss on her lips, “I don’t suppose you remember the guy’s name.”

She beamed, “For another one of those, I’ll remember anything you want me to. He was oriental, his name was Kimoto, Ronald, I think.”

Starsky dutifully kissed her again, but he wasn’t acting like it was a real hardship. When the two came up for air, Cheryl stroked his partner’s cheek, the one with the scar. “Call me!”

Grabbing Starsky by the arm and yanking him away forcibly, Hutch called back over his shoulder. “Thanks a lot, Cheryl, we’ll see you later!”

“Hey,” Starsky objected. “I was just getting started.”

“That’s what I was afraid of and there’s children present, too.” Hutch grinned. “Anyway, do it on your own time, buddy, we’re supposed to be working, remember?”

“I guess I did get a little carried away, huh, but..”

“I know, what a way to go. I just don’t understand about your love life. It makes mine look like the Sahara Desert. what do you have that I don’t?” he asked, leaving himself wide open for a good comeback.

“Not a thing, Blondie, you’re not aggressive enough. The ladies love that.”

“That just isn’t me, Starsk. It wouldn’t work out for me the way it does for you. I guess the Sahara isn’t so bad, if the oases are terrific enough.”

Starsky grinned. “Hey, ya got me, don’t ya? Who else do you need, buddy?”

Hutch rolled his eyes, but appreciated the truth of what his partner had said. ‘Together they had it all, each other’s souls.

‘Why not just go one step further and they could possess each others bodies, too.’

After talking to the hospital employees who’d worked closest with Alex, they came up with only one lead..

One of the x-ray techs made reference to seeing Alex go into a martial arts center in her neighborhood a few times

“Did you ever hear Alex talk about taking lessons or anything, Hutch?” Starsky asked. “Seems like he would’ve talked about that, but I guess we never asked him what his interests were and he wasn’t one to bring them up himself. He seemed to really get off on the things we were doing, though. Still, I wish I would’ve asked more about him.”

“Me, too, buddy, anyway, this gives us another group of people to question if nothing else,” Hutch reflected. “He did get into a fracas at Huggy’s that one night and handled himself pretty well for a doctor, I remember thinking.”

“Let’s find something to eat,” Starsky griped. “I’m starving to death.”

“What else is new? I know of a place over by the martial arts center. Let’s eat and then we can stop by for a minute.”

The place Hutch suggested was well-stocked with health food, with very little on the menu for Starsky to, literally, sink his teeth into, so he grumbled all through lunch about sea weed salad and pumpkin soup, finding only the “dreaded” tuna burger that he would condescend to eat.

“Well, that was really lovely,” he carped, when they came out. “Remind me to cross that one off my list of places to dine.”

“Starsky, cool it! Next time you pick, okay, and we’ll order some gastronomical nightmare that’ll keep us up all night and have us puking our guts out, then you’ll be happy, all right?” Hutch was getting a little irritated by his partner’s constant complaining.

They found themselves within walking distance of the center, so they decided to have a look around. It was late afternoon by this time and the traffic was getting terrible. Just crossing the street was challenging, especially since Starsky barreled ahead of Hutch, practically bouncing off one car, almost causing an accident and drawing a lot of curses and horns. Hutch followed at a safer pace, alternately cringing and muttering about fools rushing in where even angels had more sense than to tread. ”

“Thought I was going to have to find you a boy scout to get you across, Grandma,” Starsky teased. “What took you so long?”

Hutch snapped at him. “I like to arrive alive, meathead. I wish you would use a little restraint and a lot more sense, or I’m going to be scraping you up off the pavement one of these days!”

Hutch had noticed that Starsky was acting a lot more like his old self, which he both welcomed and feared. The Starsky who had just gone running across a busy street was the same one who kept getting himself in trouble and Hutch needed to keep him safe. He couldn’t stand to take a chance on losing him again.

The martial arts center was a large one, with several classes going on at the same time. They found an office and an instructor available to help them. After showing their badges, they asked what the man knew about Alex Chandler. Was he a regular, was he taking lessons?

“I read about it in the papers. Alex was a heck of a nice guy. No, he didn’t take lessons, he was one of our instructors. He worked with the underprivileged kids He was a black belt, got his training with the special forces in Viet Nam. He’s going to be hard to replace, especially since he was doing the classes gratis.” The instructor seemed genuinely grieved to have lost a friend.

Starsky wandered away to a window overlooking one of the classrooms and was startled to see a familiar figure cross his line of sight. The medical examiner from the other night, what was his name?

‘Oh yes, Manfried’. The man was walking back to one of the rooms beneath the balcony where the detective stood. Starsky was puzzled. The man involved in martial arts? He seemed fit enough, but had a limp you’d think would make it difficult to learn the moves. Maybe he was arranging lessons for his son or maybe he did this for physical therapy. All of a sudden, Starsky had the overwhelming urge to get out of there. Something about this man set his teeth on edge. He didn’t want to confront him, so he turned to Hutch.

“I’m going outside, Hutch, I’ll meet you there, okay?”

Hutch arranged for a time when they could come in and interview some of the other instructors and headed out to the car to see if Starsky was okay.

He took note that his partner was in the driver’s seat, threw him the keys and didn’t comment on it. “You all right, Starsk?”

“We’ve put in a long day, maybe I should get you home. You look really tired.”

“Nothing wrong with me. I just got that tuna burger sitting like a big lump in my stomach and I need some “real” food to start my digestive system working again,” he teased.

Hutch shot him a warning look, a dangerous glint in his eye. “So help me, Starsk, if you don’t get off this kick, I’m going to bust you in the chops!”

Starsky snorted, “You think you’re man enough, come on ahead.”

“I owe you one, anyway, from last night. You almost broke my jaw. You better watch out, when you least expect it, expect it.” Hutch warned.

They headed back to Metro to do some paperwork and stopped to see Minnie. “Hi, gorgeous,” Starsky teased her. “Did you run those R & I’s for me?”

“I’d do anything for you, honey, you know that,” Minnie purred. She was a little older than they were, but had a more than maternal interest in her favorite dark-haired detective. Hutch rolled his eyes. His partner was such a flirt. How did he get away with it.

Minnie picked up a manila folder from the corner of her desk and handed it to Starsky. Just for you, sweetie,” she said, running her hand across the scar on his cheek.

“Thanks, Minnie, have a good weekend.!” he called back over his shoulder.

“Let’s grab something to eat and take this home with us. We can go over these while we’re eating.” Starsky suggested. “I’m starving.”

Hutch interrupted, “I know, to death. Hey, Starsk, why do you string Minnie along like that? What if she’s serious and thinks she has a chance with you? You could hurt her feelings.”

“We’re just friends, Hutch, we understand each other, she knows that. I’d never hurt her, she’s a special lady.” his partner said soberly. “But I’ll tone it down if you think I should.”

“You know for someone who flirts like you do, I’ve noticed you haven’t followed through and taken anyone out since the accident.”

“How could I with you hovering over me, like a dragon protecting her first born? As long as I just flirt, I don’t run the chance of getting hurt again, either.”

“But, Starsk…”

“I think we were discussing a place to eat, weren’t we? I think it’s my turn to pick.”

“Okay, let’s eat, but please, I’m begging you, find a place where they have something I can actually digest.” Hutch pleaded.

“Oh no, buddy boy, you didn’t give me that option at lunch, now, did you? Tunaburgers, remember?” His friend was enjoying having the upper hand now. “Ernie’s Place, home of the enchilada magnifico, it is!”

Hutch groaned. He would never understand why this man felt the need to destroy his own digestive system, bit by bit, but had to admit he seemed to stay fit on his junk food diet and never gained an ounce on all that crap he ate.

At home, they started on the small file Minnie had compiled for them on Ronald Kimoto and Alex Chandler.

Ronald Kimoto had a sad history, the product of a broken home, a Vietnamese father, who ran out on his wife and son when the boy was twelve and an American mother who drank more than mothers were supposed to and earned a living in a manner that would not have endeared her to the PTA. Ronald had run away when he was fourteen and lived on the streets, picked up several times on drug-related charges, holding early on and pushing by the time he was sixteen. He’d done time, more than once before he was eighteen, then gone to rehab. When he got out, a probation officer had gotten him the job at the hospital, where he seemed to do well for awhile, then reverted back to his old habit. He’d been sentenced to do his first hard time on the hospital drug charge and had gotten killed in a fight in the prison yard.

“I was hoping that was going to go somewhere,” Hutch said disappointed. “Takes us back to square one, doesn’t it? Who would have wanted to kill Alex?”

“There’s a possible Vietnam connection,” Starsky mentioned.. ” It looks like Alex served in special forces, was highly decorated, came back, went to medical school and became a doctor. This boy’s father was Vietnamese. Do you think there could be anything there?”

“It’s pretty weak, but who knows? You never met him over there, did you?” Hutch asked.

“No,” Starsky shook his head. “looks like he was there around the same time I was, but he was special forces, they didn’t mingle much, kept to themselves. Anyway, I was out of the action for quite awhile.”

“Were you injured, Starsk?” Hutch asked quietly. “You’ll never tell me anything about what went on. Was it a nightmare?”

“Still is, buddy, that’s why I don’t talk about it. I’ve forgotten a lot more than I remember, too. I guess a shrink would probably say I’ve “stuffed it down”, whatever that means.” Starsky shook his head sadly. “Why would anybody want to remember? Anyway, I’m going to bed. It’s been a really long day!”

“I think I’ll sit up and go over these one more time, see if I can make any sense out of all this stuff,”

Hutch indicated the small tower of papers they’d already compiled. He read it all through again, but didn’t see anymore in it than he did the first time, so he piled it up again and was ready to go to bed when he heard Starsky talking in his sleep. He was concerned, because, though his partner was prone to nightmares, he rarely spoke and never as loudly as he was now. After last night, Hutch was hesitant to go in and disturb whatever was going on in there, but also wanted to comfort his friend if he could. He pushed the door open and looked in.

 

Part IV

Starsky was twitching back and forth in the bed like somebody was buffeting him from side to side. Every couple of minutes, he would yell, gasping for breath, “David Michael Starsky, Sgt. first class,” and then a string of numbers that must have been his army serial number.

Hutch couldn’t let him go on like that, crept into the room and started talking quietly to his friend, which seemed to settle him down. When he’d calmed down and was still, Hutch lay down beside him and put his arm around his partner. Although still deep in sleep, Starsky started to sob quietly. After awhile he began breathing normally and then snoring softly. Hutch pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed, watching his friend sleep for the rest of the night. As the morning light started to filter through the curtains, he got up and went back to his own room.

“What happened to you over there, buddy? What did they do to you and why’s it all coming out now? If you won’t tell me, I’m going to have to find out for myself.” he mumbled.

Starsky jumped up when his partner called him in the morning, evidently rested and completely unaware of any problems during the night. Hutch, on the other hand, felt like there was no way he could make it through the day. He briefly considered telling Cap’n Dobey he was sick, but knew Starsky would find some way to stay by his side and mother him to death. He knew he had to talk to someone about his friend and obviously, not with that friend around, so he pleaded a forgotten dentist appointment and sent his partner out to make the rounds of all their snitches to see if there was anything out there that they should know.

His first call was to Starsky’s mother, who told him that her son had never talked about his experiences during the war, and she’d never pressed him, not really wanting to hear. She’d just been grateful that he’d come home safely. She said she did know of a friend of his who’d been there with him and that he was now living in L.A. She gave Hutch the number of the friend’s mother and she was happy to give Hutch her son’s address.

The neighborhood was a little run-down, the houses were small and there was little or no landscaping. When he pulled up to the house he was looking for , he could see a man sitting in a wheelchair in the yard with his head back like he was really enjoying the sun on his face. Hutch hated to disturb him, but there were things he needed to know if he was going to help his friend.

“Bill Wentworth?” he called out, as he walked up the front walk. The other man roused and answered in the affirmative. Hutch held out his hand and Bill shook it sincerely. Hutch was shocked to see that both of his legs were gone from the knee down. The detective introduced himself and when he mentioned that they had a mutual friend, Dave Starsky, the other man smiled warmly.

“Dave? Really? How is he? What’s he doing now? I’ll never forget that guy as long as I live!” he said enthusiastically. “I’d sure love to see him again.”

Hutch tried to answer all his questions, “Well, he’s fine, he’s a cop with BCPD and he’s my partner. He doesn’t know you live here, as far as I know, or he’d probably have come to see you himself.” (or would he?) thought Hutch. “He won’t talk with anyone about his experiences in Viet Nam and he’s starting to have some problems I think might be related, so I thought maybe you could tell me what you guys went through. Of course, if you don’t want to dredge all that up again, I certainly wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Were you there? In ‘Nam?” Bill asked him.

“No”, Hutch said with the pang of guilt that always accompanied that thought. “I was in college at the time.”

Bill seemed to know what Hutch was feeling. “It was a bad scene, man, a living hell. Don’t beat yourself up because you weren’t there, just the luck of the draw, that’s all.”

“Tell me what happened to you over there. It’s the only way I can help him,” Hutch pleaded.

“If I can help Dave Starsky, I’ll do it with pleasure. He’s the one that got me out of there, you know.” But first, Bill asked if Hutch could get them a beer from a cooler that sat nearby.

Hutch did as he was asked, then sat down to hear the story he knew he wasn’t going to enjoy hearing. It turned out to be much worse than he ever could have imagined.

“There were six of us that got captured together. Sgt. Starsky tried to get us out of the area after some of the other troops pulled out and just left us there, but the cong hunted us down like dogs and dragged us back to this small POW camp. Sarge fought like a tiger trying to protect us. We were all young guys, and he killed more than one of those goons trying to buy us a chance to get away, but finally they hit him over the head so hard, I thought it would have cracked his skull, then they just hit him and kicked him until he went limp. The rest of us were too chicken to fight much. We were new over there, except for Troy, and he got shot in the stomach when they took us, so he didn’t know much of what was happening. When we got back to the camp, they put us in a kind of shack, but they took the Sarge with them. They wanted to question him. We could hear him cursing them and yelling all night. I don’t know how he took it like he did, but he never cracked, never pleaded or asked them to stop, just kept saying his name, rank and serial number over and over and over until his voice gave out. When they saw that he couldn’t talk anymore, they stripped him and threw him in the “pit.”

“The pit?”

“It was a hole just big enough for a man to crouch in, you couldn’t sit or stand or lay down, couldn’t change position at all. In time your legs cramped up so bad you wished you could die. Me and the other guys had our turns, but he spent most of the time in there when they weren’t working him over. Troy died after the second day. We kinda thought he was the lucky one. They knew we had no information for them, so they didn’t push us as hard as they did the Sargent. He was always kicking, biting, scratching, anything he could do to hurt one of ’em.” Bill stopped and smiled. “He had a mouth on him, and he just never stopped using it, that wasn’t his nature.”

Hutch smiled slightly. “I’ve discovered that.”.

“I think he was trying to keep them off us, but he would taunt and laugh and curse at them, especially this one big guy who spoke English. I guess he was a mercenary who they hired to translate and do a lot of their dirty work., and he hated the Sarge from the get-go. He seemed to really delight in tormenting him, forever thinking up new ways to make him suffer. He always gave him the worst food. If there weren’t enough maggots in the rice, he’d go find more, live ones, this time, before he gave it to him. Sarge would eat it, too, like it was some kind of feast, maggots and all. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of picking them out like the rest of us did.”

“That could make a man really enjoy a great big, greasy hamburger, couldn’t it?” Suddenly Hutch was very aware of all the time he’d spent grousing at Starsky about his eating habits. He was in shock at what he was hearing. He’d had no idea this was part of what made his partner the way he was.

Bill went on, “I remember one night in particular, he’d been in that pit for days and it had been raining hard for a long time. When it rained, all the snakes and crawlies came out and sometimes they’d get down in the pit with you, the thing would fill up with water, and you had to put your face up close to the grate to be able to breathe. I was beginning to wonder if he was still alive in there, he was so quiet. All of a sudden, he started to sing, can you believe that? And you’ll never guess what he was singing..”

“Christmas songs,” Hutch said sadly. “He was singing Christmas songs.”

“Yep, that’s what he started with, then when he ran out of those, he started singing the “Star-spangled banner,” “America the beautiful,” even “Glory, glory hallelujah.” Then he started on some songs in a different language, kind of mournful-sounding, most of them.”

Hutch mumbled, “He was singing in Yiddish.”

“That’s one of the reasons that big guy hated him so much, I guess, used to call him Jew-boy and kike whenever he was beating on him.”

“How did you manage to get out of there?” Hutch asked, thinking he’d heard all the details he could handle.

Sarge was smart. He got to know their habits and knew when they would be going out to hunt, for game or more men to torment, I don’t know. We thought they were getting to him, breaking him down. He acted real weak, limp, sickly, like they’d broken his spirit for a couple weeks before he thought they would be going. He made a move on the two guys who were putting him in the pit and took them both, got their guns. Then he got us out of the shack and held them off with the guns while we were getting away. Bobby got killed and I got my legs shot up pretty bad. The other two were luckier, they got away clean. We ran out of ammo, but the only guy still on his feet was the big guy. He came after us and the Sarge put a bayonet through his thigh. He went down and Sarge was all over him, beating the hell out of him. He was like a wild man. I thought he was going to kill the guy and that was fine with me, but all of a sudden he got this stricken look on his face and stopped. The man was nothing but pulp, but he left him alive. He took off both our shirts and made tourniquets for my legs, then he carried me all the way out of there and got me to a medivac unit. I never saw Dave Starsky again. They told me he went right back into the front after he dropped me off and I did hear that he got some kind of a medal. I’ll bet he’s a good cop, isn’t he?”

“The best there is,” Hutch assured him.

“Tell him I said hi and thanks again, man, it’s good to hear how he’s doing. If he can, I’d like to see him. I get kind of lonely at times. My wife left me when I came back like this.”

Tell him thanks, too, from all of us.” Bill said as Hutch left.

“I’ll tell him,” Hutch said softly.

He got as far as the car before the tears started and they didn’t let up for a long, long time. This explained so much about his friend; the claustrophobia, his love for Christmas, his need to prove himself over and over, the way he never stopped fighting, even his aversion to snakes and creepy things. ‘ I didn’t know my buddy was a hero to so many people,’ he thought. ‘He’s always been one in my eyes!’

Starsky was still at Metro when Hutch got back. “Thought I’d lost you, pal, how’s your tooth?”

Hutch wasn’t ready to talk to him about what he’d done, He felt ashamed for going behind his partner’s back like that. He didn’t want to jolt Starsky’s memory too fast and have him flip out. He hated to lie to him, but he was in too deep, so he just mumbled that his tooth was okay and reminded himself to eat like it hurt for the rest of the day.

“Can I get you some aspirin? Does it hurt?” Starsky fussed around him, twisting the knife, big-time.

“No, I’m fine,” Hutch reassured him. “Come up with anything new?”

“Just one interesting sidelight, seems Ronald Kimoto’s father was in ‘Nam at the same time as Alex, only on the other team, of course.”

They were due back at the martial arts center to talk to the other instructors at two. Starsky was nervous about going back there, but he couldn’t have said why. On the way over, he asked Hutch if he’d had a chance to talk to the new medical examiner. His partner admitted to working with him on a couple occasions when Starsky had been on desk duty.

“What do you think of him?” Starsky asked.

“He seems very efficient, a man of few words, a little strange, maybe, but that includes half the city. Kind of a loner, I would say, why do you ask?” Hutch questioned.

“Something about the man leaves a bad taste in my mouth, he disturbs me. What kind of accent is that, anyway?” he asked curiously.

“That one has me stumped, Starsk, and I’m usually pretty good at figuring that out. It’s like a lot of accents rolled up into one, like he’s traveled a lot. You want to run him through R & I?” Hutch asked. He knew his friend’s instinct about that sort of thing was “right on”, and if he had a bad feeling about the man, what could it hurt?

“Yeah, let’s do that. Minnie’ll do it on the Q.T. just for me, of course.” he said, leering.

“Your head gets any bigger, Starsk, we’re going to have to be driving around in a bus. What’s that going to do for our image?”

“Aw, you’re just jealous,” his partner came back.

‘If Starsky only knew the awful truth of that, I’d probably never see him again, Hutch thought.

The questioning of the instructors proved fruitless. Starsky took one of them to the side and asked about Manfried and was told he just liked to hang around and watch the classes.

After they got home that night and had something to eat, Hutch grabbed his partner firmly by the arm.

“C’mon, buddy, we got some talking to do,” he said quietly.

Starsky groaned. “Now what did I do?”

Hutch sat him down on the couch and took a seat on the coffee table facing him.

“Nothing you did, just something that’s going down that we gotta work on,” He replied gently.

“What now?”

Hutch took a deep breath and tackled what was on his mind.

“I went to see an old friend of yours today.” he told his partner.

“What old friend, old friend?” Starsky quipped.

“His name’s Bill Wentworth. Do you remember him?” asked Hutch.

He wasn’t quite prepared for the flash of blue fire in his partner’s eyes. Starsky jumped up with his fists clenched, ready for a fight.

“What gave you the right to open up that can of worms? That’s something I don’t ever want to talk about, think about or even hear about! Don’t start with me about that!” he said angrily.

“I think it was you who said, “loving gives you rights”, Starsk. And it’s because you won’t talk about, think about or hear about it, that you’re well on your way to having a breakdown about it. Do you think I enjoyed listening to you hollering out your name , rank and serial number all last night? After I got you quieted down, I sat by your bed until morning wondering just what happened to you, what they did to you to cause such anguish this many years later. Now I know and I understand a lot more about who David Starsky is and what drives him. You need to face this, babe, so you can get this monkey off your back. You were right with me every step of the way, even jeopardizing your career to force me to fight my drug addiction, even though I made it pretty miserable for you, Starsk. Let me do the same for you..”

“I can’t, Hutch. I don’t want to go back there. I’ve pushed a lot of it down and I deal with the rest. I can handle the nightmares.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“Why don’t you just go talk with Bill Wentworth for openers, it just might do you a lot of good”, Hutch suggested. “He doesn’t live far from here and he said how really lonely he was. His wife left him when he came back with his legs shot up.”

“Aw, you know that’s not playing fair, Hutch, how can I say no after that?”

“That’s the spirit, let’s go now.” Hutch was already to the door. “We’ll take my car.”

On the way, he asked Starsky. “Why couldn’t you tell anyone about what happened, partner? It would have helped so much to share it. And you know you can tell me anything. We’re brothers, aren’t we?”

“I didn’t want to lay that trip on you, Hutch, or anyone else for that matter. And I felt like I was responsible for those guys, you know, they were green as grass and I led them right into a trap,” Starsky said, his head in his hands.

“How could you know? Your unit had pulled out, you had no way of knowing where you were. It was a jungle, not exactly equipped with street signs and friendly folks you could ask directions from. Don’t you beat yourself up anymore over that. You’ve paid for years for something that wasn’t even your fault, Starsk. Bill Wentworth sure doesn’t seem to blame you. He has nothing but good things to say about you. And if you did anything wrong, how come you got a medal for it, you big dummy?” he asked, ruffling his friend’s hair to take the sting out of the words.

Starsky ducked. “It was just so God-awful, Hutch. I can’t even explain. You’re just out there and you don’t know who the good guys are or who the bad guys are and even your own guys are shooting at you. You see friends blown away every day or just blown apart, arms and legs flying. And it was all so unbearably green, full of snakes and bugs. Sometimes your greenhouse even gets to me, Hutch, and I expect a snake to fall on my head when I’m out there. And the worst part of all is, when you come back, everybody seems to blame you for the whole shooting match, like you’re personally responsible just because you were there.

Hutch just couldn’t imagine, there was no comparison in his life for this devastation his friend had been through.

The rest of the trip was made in silence, each man lost in his own reverie.

The first thing Hutch noticed when they got there was that Bill wasn’t out front when they pulled up. He kind of expected that was an everyday thing for him, sitting in the sun with his beer. Maybe he’d gone inside for something to eat. They knocked, but no answer. Hutch pushed on the door and it opened. They both had good instincts and they both felt something was wrong. They were right. They found Bill in the kitchen, his head slumped on the table. Hutch didn’t need any medical examiner to tell him the cause of death, a bullet placed at close range between the second and third cervical vertebrae.

Starsky looked at him, absolutely stricken. “It’s happening again , Hutch, somebody’s killing people because of me.”

We don’t know that yet, Starsky,” he started to say.

“I don’t need anyone to hit me over the head with a two by four to know it. I just keep on getting people killed! Why does this keep happening, Hutch? And how long before they get to you?” Starsky started to back away, shaking his head back and forth, his mind trying to grasp what was happening here.

“Hold it together, buddy, it’s going to be all right. I’m right here with you.” Hutch could see he was slipping away. He grabbed him and held him in a death grip, but there was no answering hug from his partner.

“It can’t ever be right again, Hutch. I’m getting everybody I care about killed!” He sat down on the floor, exhausted, lost in his own private hell. He didn’t even protest when Hutch slipped his partner’s gun out of his holster and stuck it in his own belt.

He called 911 and got the ball rolling on the investigation. Sharing what he knew with the officers who arrived on the crime scene. This was out of their jurisdiction, though, so Hutch could only watch and ask questions.

When they were told they could go, he went over to Starsky and knelt down next to him. “Ready to go home, buddy? It’s been a rough day!” No response. He looked closer, something about Starsky’s eyes bothered him. There seemed to be no life in the dark blue eyes that stared straight ahead. Hutch checked his partner’s pulse. It was strong and steady. Starsky had simply gone away for awhile.

Hutch called 911 again and requested another ambulance, this time to take his friend back to Memorial to be checked out.

“God, what a mess,” he thought. “What do I do now?”

His answer was to call Dobey and tell him about what had happened. Dobey said he would meet him at Memorial. He called Huggy and asked him to meet there, too. He wanted both of them to get the whole story about what was driving their friend. He would need their help, too.

When they all got together, Hutch went into some detail about what he’d learned of Starsky’s Viet Nam experiences, leaving nothing out. By the time, he was through, all three men had tears in their eyes and were seeing their friend in a new light. Just as Hutch finished, the doctor came out and motioned for him.

“How is he?” Hutch asked impatiently.

“Your friend doesn’t seem to be comatose or catatonic. I believe he’s just in deep shock. From what you told me, he’s been facing some pretty terrible things he’s repressed for a lot of years. Given what he’s been through, and all the things that have suddenly come back to him, plus the guilt he’s feeling over the way his friends are dying, his mind is just shutting down because he can’t process it all. We’ll have to keep him here until we can get some kind of response from him. If you’d like to talk to him, it’d be the best thing you could do. The more reassurance he has that there’s somebody with him and things are going to be okay, the better, at this point. I don’t expect this condition to last long, he’s strong and resilient. His mind just needs time to rest and adjust.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Hutch whispered gratefully, thinking how many times the three of them, just like now, had been right here, waiting for news about his partner. The frightening thing was, how many more times could there be?

They arranged for one of them to be with him around the clock.

“Well, Cap’n, I guess I’ll get out there and run down those other two soldiers from Starsky’s unit. I’ll be back to sit with him in awhile.” Hutch got up to go.

“Hutchinson, as his friend, you’re a walking target; so is Huggy, maybe even me, too. You’re not going out there by yourself. I’m putting Jenkins with you to watch your back, so you’re just going to have to wait until he gets here, you hear me?” Dobey bellowed.

Once Hutch got back to Metro, an unwilling Jenkins tagging along, he went to see Minnie. She was able to access military files and came up with the two soldiers, Michael Hanson and Tony Pirelli. Checking other records, she found their addresses in Biloxi, Miss. and Buffalo, New York, respectively. A call to each location confirmed that each was dead, killed in the last couple months from a bullet placed at close range between the second and third cervical vertebrae.

He and Jenkins headed back to the hospital to relieve Dobey and let him know what they’d found out. They had to settle for a parking place way out on the fringes of the lot. As soon as they parked, a black van pulled up next to them. As he and Jenkins got out of the car, Hutch heard the door of the van open and then a gunshot, but by the time he had his gun out, he was looking at a weapon held in a big, beefy hand. He looked up to see the medical examiner, Jonas Manfried, smiling evilly at him.

“Drop it, Hutchinson,” the big man said gruffly.

Hutch let the gun fall out of his hand. Jenkins was on the ground on the other side of the car from him, felled by the gunshot, he assumed.

“Will you at least let me see if he’s dead?” he asked the man.

“He’s dead, I’m the medical examiner, remember?” he snickered. “Now get in the van!”

Hutch turned around to do as he was told, when he felt a sharp pain in his head and darkness welcomed him home.

Dobey was really starting to get worried when Hutch failed to get back when he said he would. He was startled when a uniformed officer rushed through the door of the room.

“What’s going on, Whitcomb?” he barked.

“Sir, we just found Fred Jenkins out in the parking lot, he’s been killed!” the officer answered excitedly.

“And Hutch?” Dobey asked.

“Well, sir, his car’s there, but he’s gone.”

Dobey held his head, there was clearly no end to this soap opera these two laughingly called their lives.

“Put out an APB on Hutchinson immediately!” he growled. “and I want guards on Starsky round the clock!”

Huggy happened to come in and heard the whole exchange.

“Can you stay with him so I can see what’s going on?” Huggy agreed and Dobey took off, making the other man wonder how someone so big could move so fast. Huggy moved over close to Starsky’s ear.

“Ya hear that, m’man? Your partner’s in big trouble. Ya got to get it together, cause he needs you to get him out of this.” Huggy continued softly. “Ya can’t just sit this one out, man, although, God knows, ya gotta want to. Come on, wake up, Starsky, ya know he would if it was you.”

The dark blue eyes opened, as if something miraculous had happened. The plea for his partner had reached deep into Starsky’s subconscious mind and he’d struggled to get back to reality because Hutch needed him.

“What’s happening, Huggy?” he asked, dreading the answer.

“You kinda shut down, man, everybody’s been real worried about you. Hutch found out those other two soldiers in your old unit were killed in the same way as Chandler and this Wentworth, so Dobey assigned him another cop to watch his back. Now the cop is dead out there in the parking lot and there’s no sign of Hutch except for his car.

Somewhere in the middle of the narrative, Starsky rose unsteadily from the bed and was almost dressed by the time Huggy was finished.

“Where’s Dobey?” the detective asked.

“Probably out in the lot where the cop was found,” Huggy answered.

“Get outta here, Hug! Find somewhere to hide for awhile. It looks like hunting season again for anybody I care about!”

“Hey, watch your back, man, this dude’s not just playing games.” Huggy called as his friend was running out of the room.

Hutch woke up with a killer headache and his eyes weren’t focusing too well. He tried to move, but found that he was chained to a bed with his hands cuffed behind him. The bed and a chair were the only things in the room and Hutch noticed with growing apprehension that both of them were fastened to the floor. The room looked like a prison cell, cement blocks, with old paint peeling off them and a cement floor was all there was. He wondered what happened next.

Starsky found Dobey in the hospital parking lot and shocked him by coming up behind him and grabbing him by the arm.

“Starsky,” he hollered. “Don’t be giving me a heart attack here. Things are bad enough. I’m glad to see you among us again. Nice little nap you had while we were busting our humps. What brought you back from the other side?”

“Somebody telling me my partner needed me, Cap!” Starsky answered.

Just then the radio in the black-and -white came alive, “patch through to Captain Dobey,” the dispatcher relayed.

“Captain Dobey, here,” he yelled into the mic.

“Captain,” asked the dispatcher, “Is Detective Starsky there, sir?”

Starsky grabbed the mic from his Captain, “I’m here, what’s going on?”.

“Some guy wants to talk to you, but not over the radio. He says to go to the phone booth there in the parking lot and he’ll tell you where to find your partner.”

Starsky got to the phone just as it began to ring.

“So talk,” he answered it.

“Why, Sgt. Starsky, so good to be talking to you again,” the voice said, dripping with venom, despite the courteous words.

Starsky recognized the accent and now he knew who this man was. It explained a lot, his unreasonable dislike of a man he didn’t think he knew. There were still questions, but Jonas Manfried had been the thug in ‘Nam, the mercenary who had so enjoyed torturing him.

“What do you want with my partner, Manfried, or should I just call you Gorilla, since that’s the only name I ever heard you called in “Nam? Why don’t you just let Hutch go and you can have me to do what you want with.”

“I have big plans for both of you, Sgt. I’m going to give you an address and you’re going to get over here within fifteen minutes or your friend here is dead,” the angry voice said.

“I need to talk to him, make sure he’s alive, Manfried.” Starsky pushed.

“He’s alive and that’s all you gotta know. Take a chance and don’t come and he won’t be for long. And none of your cop friends, understand. This is between me and you, Jew-boy!”

“Give me the address, I’ll be there, no cops,” Starsky promised. “Just don’t hurt my partner.”

Dobey was all over him when he got back., but the detective would only say, “Gotta do this alone, Cap,” and jumped in Hutch’s car, taking off before anyone could stop him.

The address was down by the docks, an old abandoned warehouse, about as deserted an area as you could get. When he got there, the man was waiting and lost no time checking him for weapons., then shoved him into a room with a bed and a chair, both of them bolted to the floor. Starsky saw that Hutch was chained to the bed and was relieved to see that he seemed unhurt. They made eye contact, and, as Hutch was gagged, their eyes had to say it all.

“You okay, buddy?” Starsky asked. There was a nod of the head, which relieved him immensely, then he was pushed down in the chair and Manfried started tying his arms and legs very securely.

‘This really doesn’t look well for the home team,’ Starsky was thinking, ‘both the dynamic duo trussed up, ready for, god knows what.” But he kept his mouth shut, waiting to see what the man would do next. He didn’t have to wait long. As soon as he was tied in tightly enough to satisfy Manfried, he strode over to Hutch and proceeded to deliver a series of jabs and punches to his face and body.

“Just like old times, huh, Sgt.? I’ve dreamed for years of having you here like this, a reunion of sorts, only your old pals couldn’t make it. They’re all dead! But I was good to them, Sgt., they never knew what hit them. I’m going to have all kinds of fun with “pretty boy, here. Then when I’m tired of playing with him, you’re going to watch him die and then it’ll be your turn.”

“Why are you singling me out, Manfried?” Starsky’s frantic attempts to get away while Hutch was being beaten had done nothing more than tighten the ropes around his arms and legs. “I wasn’t the only prisoner of war there.”

“No, but you never broke, you were the only one I couldn’t beat, and I want another chance. When you escaped, you nearly killed me, you broke my eardrums, most of the bones in my face, both of my arms, then I got gangrene in my leg and they held me down and sawed it off. Those goons blamed me for you getting away and they made me take your place after I was able to get around a little. I spent months in the pit and years being tortured by them.

Finally, after all those years, the military found the place and got me out, along with a few Americans they were still holding. I spent a long time in hospitals and rehab facilities and when I got out I wanted nothing more than to make you pay. But you were already suffering, what with Prudholm and Gunther, so I went on to school and became a medical examiner. I enjoyed watching you struggle, especially last year when you drove yourself off the road. I don’t know how you made it out of that one, but you’ve had it easy for too long, now comes payday.” He let loose another barrage of punches and kicks to Hutch that Starsky thought would never come to an end. When it did, the first thing he did was look over at Starsky.

Winded, Manfried leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette.

Starsky couldn’t resist taunting him, trying to get his attention off of Hutch..

“What’s the matter, Gorilla, getting tired? You’ll never break me. It would take a real man, not some mindless animal like you!”

The man was on him in a second, pressing the cigarette repeatedly against his arm, until Hutch could smell his flesh burning. He was screaming inside, yelling at Starsky to please just shut up, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

“You never were worth anything, you know, man, even the Viet cong were smarter than you. What are you, anyway, a product of inbreeding, did your mom.” A vicious blow stopped him, his head recoiling until it came to rest on his chest.

A series of blows followed.

Evidently Starsky’s plan was working, the man was tiring and undecided how to proceed next. He must have thought he needed a drink, because he suddenly left the room.

Hutch looked over and saw Starsky trying to get his head down by one of his hands that was tied to the arm of the chair. He was trying to pull something out of his hair. He seemed to be fighting a losing battle until finally he gave it a big yank and it came out with a huge hank of his hair attached. He quickly started working on the ropes with it and Hutch could see that it was a razor blade. His partner got himself loose and was making his way toward Hutch when they heard Manfried coming back.

Starsky stood behind the door and as the man entered the room, he hit him hard on the side of his head. It made him reel, but he didn’t go down. Starsky was ready for him when he moved toward him. He’d scanned the room and had seen an open toolbox, probably discarded after Manfried had bolted the furniture to the floor. He grabbed a heavy pipe wrench and began circling around the man. The bog man’s leg, being artificial, slowed him down. Starsky was able to get a few hits on him and had the advantage, when the man grabbed him and squeezed him so tight, he felt ribs give. He struggled, but couldn’t break the man’s hold. He couldn’t breath and knew he was going to die.

Suddenly, he loosed his hold and Starsky slid to the floor, trying to get his breath. They’d gotten close to the bed in their struggle and Hutch had launched out with his legs, kicking the man in the groin he’d gone down like a rock. While he was neutralized, Starsky found his pipe wrench and hit him over the head until he was absolutely still.

After checking to see if the man was dead, Starsky found the key to the cuffs in his pocket and quickly got them off of Hutch..

He took the wad of material that had been used to gag Hutch and thought how easily he could have choked while he was being beaten. He threw the offending cloth across the room.

“He’s dead?”

“Damn, Hutch, I should have killed him when I had a chance in ‘Nam. You wouldn’t have had to go through all this.”

“That’s not in your nature, buddy, that’s why I love you so much.”

“You really do, don’t you?” Starsky could see it in his eyes, shining brightly. All of a sudden, the light went out and Hutch went limp in his arms.

Starsky rolled up his coat and put it under his partner’s head, then went in search of a phone. There was none in the building, so he had to drive a little ways. He called for a coroner’s team and an ambulance, then he got back to Hutch as quickly as he could.

Hutch’s condition seemed to have deteriorated and Starsky suspected that there was some internal bleeding. It seemed like forever before he heard the sirens and went out and directed them in. He was surprised to see Captain Dobey, who’d been out of his mind with worry and had been sitting by the radio waiting to hear something. Starsky hovered over Hutch, once getting reprimanded for keeping the paramedics from doing their job.

Starsky followed with Hutch’s car. He thought about Hutch’s declaration of love for him, and was positive that it hadn’t been just fraternal devotion that he was talking about. ‘What would a sexual relationship with a man be like? No, he couldn’t picture it with any other man, but Hutch…?’ It was a subject well-worth thinking about.

Dobey himself took Starsky’s statement. Someone who didn’t know these two would have doubted their story. Sometimes Dobey wasn’t sure if this was the real dynamic duo, the way they got out of impossible predicaments.

They both looked up as the doctor came to the door. They walked over to him, and he told them that Hutch was in surgery. He had a couple broken ribs and a lacerated liver, which had caused internal bleeding. Of course, there were multiple contusions and bruised organs, but he was very optimistic about the prognosis.

Getting a good look at Starsky, he ushered him into the emergency room, where he examined him thoroughly. Sending him to X-ray, they found he had three broken ribs and bruising around his body, where the big man had squeezed him so tightly that he couldn’t breathe.

“The burns will be painful and may require some debriding, but in the long run, they could have been a lot worse.” the doctor said reassuringly.

When Starsky finally was permitted into his partner’s hospital room, he cringed. Hutch’s face was so swollen and bruised, he didn’t even look human.

“Hutch?” he said softly. He had no way of knowing if his friend was awake or not because he couldn’t open his eyes.

A moan was all that Hutch could manage without a lot of pain.

“How ya doing?” Hutch just shook his head and put his hand up to his head.

“I know. Your head must feel like elephants have been tromping on it.”

Hutch shook his head again and pointed at Starsky.

“I’m okay, just had a few broken ribs and a couple knots on my head. Hey, you saved my life. I was running out of air.”.

Hutch nodded, then shook his head again and mumbled something that sounded remotely like “razor blade.”

“Oh, that. Well, it’s a good thing for us that you keep all that trash in your car. I found your gym bag with razor in it and the Super glue in your glove compartment.” he rubbed the spot on his head he’d pulled his own hair out. “Only thing I could think of. I knew he was gonna have to tie me down with something and I hoped it was rope.”

Hutch shook his head, indicating that a mind that could come up with that idea was a little off-the-wall.

“It worked, didn’t it? Wouldn’t have with that thin patch you call hair.”

Hutch could say nothing.

“I kinda like this, Blondie. Now I get to take care of you for awhile.”

Hutch shook his head again. That was alarming.

“Oh yeah, I’ll take really good care of you. And when you get feeling a little better, we’ve got to have some discussion about this “love thing.”

He bent over and whispered in Hutch’s ear.

“I think I might just be in love with you, too, babe.”

Hutch tried to smile, then thought better of it. But two happy tears slid down his cheeks unnoticed, as his partner took his place in the chair next to his bed.