The ‘Why’ Question

After a hard case, Hutch has questions. Starsky deals with it differently.

Starsky waved a frustrated hand at his partner and said, “See you later.” Then he headed out of the door, closing it quietly behind him. He looked at his car then he looked at the canal path.

Decision made, he thrust his hands into his jacket pockets and set off for a walk. He needed to stomp out his frustrations and he knew, once Hutch’s anger had exhausted itself, his partner would need the solace of his presence.

Hutch wasn’t mad at him, he was mad at the world and all its brokenness. Internally, his partner was distraught because a small child was now a traumatised orphan and there was nothing they could do to help. Sometimes Starsky figured Hutch was in the wrong job and should open an orphanage. But then with his next breath, Starsky knew his partner would probably consider himself a failure if he couldn’t take every orphan off the street. Starsky kicked a stone and walked on.

And what did he think and feel?

He didn’t ask ‘Why?’ He knew why. But he did think, ‘Poor kid. Poor woman. Next time, I hope we get there in time to prevent a tragedy.” Sadly, there would always be a next time. He knew it and had learned to accept it. Not ‘like’ it, never would he ‘like’ it, but accept it, yes. Because he had to.

Hutch still asked ‘Why?’

And although it meant his partner got hurt more readily and deeper by the job than he usually did, it also meant he was sensitive, kind and caring. Those were qualities that Starsky wouldn’t change in his partner so he just had to be prepared to pick up the pieces every so often.

He checked his watch. If he walked around the corner to the small cafe there, he could get two milkshakes. By the time he got back, Hutch should be ready for company.

*****

Hutch prowled around the cottage, his sense of frustration making it impossible to sit down. He checked on his plants but didn’t feel calm enough to tend to them. He needed to do something physical. He went through the bedroom and quickly changed into his running clothes.

As he left the cottage, he saw the Torino was still there but Starsky was nowhere to be seen. At the back of his mind, Hutch acknowledged that Starsky had been affected by the day as well and had probably needed to walk off his frustrations. He was also relieved to know he hadn’t driven his partner away.

“Why? Why? Why?”

The word pounded around Hutch’s head as his feet pounded the sidewalk. Why? Why did some men drink to excess? Why did some men have to belittle and beat their wives to feel like big men? Why didn’t those women leave? Why did help come too late to stop a tragedy? Why? Why? Why? And what would happen to little Charlie now? What kind of life would he have?

Hutch kept running until his mind began to quieten as the questions exhausted themselves. Then he turned back towards home, now jogging at a softer pace. As he drew near, he saw Starsky sitting outside the cottage on one of two chairs that he had dragged out.

Hutch sat down beside his friend and Starsky handed him a cardboard cup with a straw.

“Banana milkshake.”

“Thanks.”

They sipped on their milkshakes in companionable silence until Starsky said, “Dinner at Huggy’s? I’m buying.”

“Sounds good…Thanks.”

“Go have a shower, Blintz. You stink.”

“Thank you again!” Hutch exclaimed, but he smiled as he shook his head and headed into the cottage.

Starsky just sat, watching the birds on the water and feeling his spirits lift as the world went about its business. He looked forward to spending an evening with his best friend. Tomorrow would be a new day with its own highs and lows, but nothing that they couldn’t handle together.