To Die Alone

To die alone is hellish… on both.

He moaned again. He couldn’t hold it in. Not that there was any reason to hold it in. There was no one to hear it. He was alone. And he was dying. He knew it. He could feel his heart racing, slowing, racing again… missing beats, pumping more and more blood out of his wounds.

He shifted, trying to get more comfortable on the floor. But his movement was restricted by the ropes tying him to the post. All he managed to do was to make the pain flare more.

“Starsk…” Oh, God, he didn’t want to use their ‘extrasensory connection’ to call Starsky to see him like this. He didn’t want to die, but given his profession, he had always known it was a possibility.

What he truly feared was that Starsky would probably be the one to find his body. He didn’t want that to happen to his friend. It was going to be hard enough on him, being left behind. Was it worse to die alone… or be the one left to live alone?

He had been stupid to get caught in the trap the robbers he had been chasing had caught him in. Even more stupid was getting shot… three times. And now it looked like he was going to be dead very soon. And Starsky would blame himself for not going with him to the store where Hutch had encountered the robbers and began the chase.

Idly, he wondered how long he had been missing. Surely Starsky knew something was wrong by now. Were the shadows he could see on the floor longer? He groaned again.

He’d never considered what it would feel like to die alone. Even with all his family back in Minnesota, he’d always believed he and Starsky would die together. Able to talk to each other… to console each other… to… touch each other. This was a lot harder than he’d thought it would be. He coughed and recoiled from the pain it caused. He closed his eyes and tried to even his breathing out.

He must have blacked out for a while. When he woke up, the shadows were definitely longer.

Sitting on the floor his hands tied to the post behind him, left him little room to move, even if the pain it caused made him stay still. So he heard a noise outside the shed that he might have missed otherwise.

Were the robbers coming back to finish him off? There was little he could do to stop them. At least then his pain would be over.

As he heard the door open, he closed his eyes and drew in one last breath, holding it, hoping they would believe him already dead.

“Oh God! NO! Hutch!”

Huh, what do you know? You can hear your loved ones after you die, Hutch thought. Then realized it WAS Starsky who had found him dead.

“No… no, Starsk. Not you!” He let his head fall down and began to cry. Somewhere in his mind he wondered why you could still cry after you died.

Starsky pushed the door open all the way, gun extended, taking in the shed where Hutch was sitting on the floor, tied to a post. He saw the smears of blood on the floor, leading to the pool of blood Hutch was sitting in. He holstered his gun quickly and crossed to kneel beside his partner.

“Hey, hey! Don’t cry, buddy. It’s gonna be ok. I promise.” He carefully untied Hutch’s wrists, gently moving his hands back to his lap. He cupped Hutch’s cheek and bent his head to press his forehead against the side of Hutch’s head that didn’t have a bullet crease in it.

“I didn’t want you to find me… sorry… for your pain… ”

“What are you saying, Hutch? What kind of crazy talk…”

“Hurt you too much… to find me… dead… s-s-sorry.”

Starsky carefully raised Hutch’s head. “Hey! Open your eyes. I’m here. You are NOT dead. OK?” He waited for Hutch to open his eyes. “NOT dead. And I’m not going to let you die. So stop talking stupid!”

“I gotta go call for a crime lab and ambulance, Hutch. Hold on. I’ll be back in a few seconds. I promise. Just hold on for me. Hold on!”

Starsky ran out to the Torino and quickly called for help. He ran back in to resume his position by Hutch. He continued to talk to him.

Hutch varied between understanding that he was still alive, and talking to Starsky about being sorry that Starsky was the one who found his body.

As soon as the paramedics entered the shed they pushed Starsky aside so they could evaluate and begin to treat Hutch’s wounds. Starsky could tell from what they said they were concerned with the amount of blood he had lost. They applied dressings and quickly loaded him onto a gurney and pushed him outside to load in the ambulance.

“I’ll be right behind you, blondie.” Starsky said as they closed the doors of the ambulance and drove off red light and siren.

The crime scene team arrived as the ambulance left and he wasted no time in telling them how he had found Hutch. Within seconds the Torino was racing toward the hospital too.

Starsky arrived at the hospital in time to see them wheeling Hutch into surgery. Huggy and Captain Dobey arrived a few minutes later. He filled them in about the capture of the fleeing felons and on getting the information as to where Hutch was from one of them.

“He’s got three bullet wounds, one to his head, one to his right hip and one to his right chest. He uh, he lost a lot of blood.” Starsky stopped, took a deep breath and continued. “He kept talking like he was dead. Sayin’ he was sorry I was the one who found his body. Cap…”

Captain Dobey put a hand on his shoulder. “He’s young and strong, Dave. He’ll make it.”

“Yeah Starsk. Keep the faith, my man.” Huggy said.

Dobey called the station and put out a call for anyone who could to come and give blood. Soon there was a steady stream of officers, detectives and other personnel checking in before or after having donated. Starsky thanked each one of them from Hutch and himself.

If was almost five hours later that the surgeon came into the waiting room. He walked over to Starsky, who stood up. “Doc…?”

“He’s in recovery. The wounds weren’t that bad, but he had lost a significant amount of blood. He’ll be in ICU for a few days for monitoring, in a regular room for a couple of days after that and then he can be discharged home. It’s lucky you found him when you did, Detective. An hour or so later, and he wouldn’t have made it.”
The doctor turned to Captain Dobey. “Thank you for all the police personnel who donated blood, Sir. We needed it and we appreciate what you did.” He shook hands with Dobey, then Starsky. “A nurse will come and get you once he is settled in ICU. I know you’ll want to sit with him. I told the staff it was okay. Not that you would take ‘no’ for an answer.” The doctor chuckled as he walked away.

The breath Starsky let out was probably heard back in New York City. His partner was going to make it! He clapped Captain Dobey on the back and did the same to Huggy. He was all smiles until Huggy encouraged him to go get something to eat and get cleaned up. He looked down to see his jeans covered in Hutch’s blood. But he refused to leave and possibly miss the nurse coming out to get him. He convinced Huggy to go by his place and pick up some clean clothes for him.

Captain Dobey left, admonishing Starsky to keep him posted. Huggy followed him out to pick up Starsky a change of clothing.

It was about an hour later, after he had changed clothes and washed up in the bathroom, that a nurse came out and took him into ICU and Hutch’s room.

He walked in to see Hutch with the head of the bed slightly raised. He had dressings on his right shoulder and around his head. He could see the lump in the covers over his right hip, denoting more dressings. Hutch’s eyes were closed and he looked to be sleeping peacefully. He picked up a chair and set it by the bed, quietly. He bowed his head for a minute to offer up thanksgiving that Hutch still lived.

He reached up and covered the hand lying on top of the sheets. He gave a quick, light squeeze and was startled when the hand turned, gripping his.

He looked up to see azure blue eyes barely open, but focused on his face. Hutch stared at him for a few seconds then looked around the room. Seeming to understand he was in a hospital, and that Starsky was there to keep an eye on him, he squeezed Starsky’s hand once more then drifted back to sleep.

Starsky reached up and brushed the tears off his cheeks.

He held onto Hutch’s hand to be sure to let him know he was still there.

Hutch wasn’t going to die… alone or otherwise today.

Not on his watch, he wasn’t.

The sequel to this story is To Live Alone.