Truth

A double-drabble based on A COFFIN FOR STARSKY.

Starsky

I heard him say it.

He thought I wouldn’t – too far gone, too messed up. But I heard him.

“Bravest man I know…”

I wanted to set him straight on that. I would have, too, if I wasn’t strapped to a gurney fighting to breathe, never mind speak.

Fucked up.

And drooling. Aw, hell. I can’t swallow, I can’t…

A shadow moves across my line of vision, edges blurring, shifting… Too fast. Never mind, I know it’s him.

He wipes my face, before tucking the sheet under my chin. That’s real friendship for ya. He knows I don’t want to die drooling like some kind’a… I focus on his face. His eyes are red, and I think maybe he’s been crying.

He says, “Why’d you do it?”

They’re pulling him away. It’s okay, ‘cause I haven’t got it in me to tell him the truth anyway.

I had two choices on that roof. Him or me. And, for me, that wasn’t any kind of choice at all. Because I’m not strong enough to face living – or dying – without him.

The bravest man he’s ever known?

It’ll make a pretty line on my gravestone. But the truth is…

I’m a coward.