Useless Information

114

Author’s Note: This story is in response to a writing challenge on the S&H bRomance group: Find a bit of trivia for Starsky to share with Hutch and work it into a story.

---

Hutch had arrived early at the office to finish up some reports. Starsky arrived a few minutes later, with a brown paper bag in hand. Hutch looked up from his typing.

“Glad that you could grace us with your presence,” he said sarcastically.

“Mornin’,” Starsky said, taking a doughnut from the bag and holding it in his mouth while throwing the empty bag in the trash. He sat at his desk, took a bite out of the doughnut, and then looked at his partner.

“I was hungry—I had to stop and get somethin’ to eat,” Starsky said, addressing Hutch’s remark.

“Well, you’re lucky Dobey didn’t see you.”

“I know. Hey, I finished the ship!” Starsky exclaimed proudly.

“Ship?”

“Yeah, the ship I was working on when you came over to tell me about that crazy lady who wrecked your apartment.”

“Diana.”

“Yeah.”

“What about her?” Hutch asked as he kept typing.

“I’m not talkin’ about her; I’m talkin’ about my ship.”

“How could you afford a ship on your salary?”

Starsky rolled his eyes. “No, no, no! It’s not a real ship; it’s a model.”

Hutch continued to type, apparently not paying much attention to his partner.

“You have a model ship?”

“Yeah, you saw it at my place—I just finished it.”

“That’s great.”

“Hutch, you’re not listenin’ to me, are you?”

“Yes, I am,” Hutch answered, still not looking at him.

“Then what did I say?” Starsky challenged, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms.

Hutch finally looked up from the typewriter.

“Well, you were telling me that you finished your model ship.”

Starsky blinked in surprise to find that Hutch was actually listening.

“Yeah, that’s right, but I bet you don’t know what kind of ship it is,” Starsky said eagerly.

“No, I don’t,” Hutch said, turning his attention back to typing.

“It’s a 1/100 scale reproduction of the Mamoli Lexington American Brig 1776,” Starsky said, beaming with pride.

“That’s great, Starsk,” Hutch replied, underwhelmed.

“Yeah, it is. Did you know that the Lexington belonged to a small fleet of merchant ships that were hastily converted into warships in Philadelphia in 1775/77 during the war against England? Under captain John Barry’s command, the Lexington was successfully engaged in battle on April 7th, 1776, against the corvette Edward.”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Hutch said flatly.

Starsky, on the other hand, was still quite enthusiastic to tell Hutch all about his model ship.

“During the same year, the Lexington was captured by the British frigate Pearl. The crew re-captured the boat again in a daring action and returned it to Baltimore.”

Starsky paused for a moment and waited for Hutch’s response, and when he didn’t get one, he decided to keep going.

“During the following year, the Lexington sailed to France and, together with other ships, took part in various battles in the Bay of Biscay, the English Channel, and off the Irish coast. A number of English ships were captured. Don’t ya’ find that interesting, huh?”

“Oh yeah, very interesting,” Hutch answered, obviously lying.

Starsky thought he was giving Hutch very interesting information about the model he had just completed. He stared at his partner, waiting for a response. The brunet waited and waited, but Hutch just kept on typing. His cheerful face turned glum.

“You don’t care.” Starsky grabbed one of the folders from his desk and opened it aggressively.

Hutch looked up and saw how upset Starsky was. He was so used to half listening to Starsky’s endless chatter about whatever that he figured it would work this time too. Eventually, he’d just stopped talking, and that would be that, but apparently not this time. Starsky’s feelings were hurt.

“Look, Starsk, this is all very interesting, but don’t you have work to do?”

Starsky glared with an obvious pout.

“Yeah, I do,” he grumbled, flipping over a page noisily.

Hutch sat watching his partner for a moment before speaking.

“Starsk, I’m sorry. Go on and tell me more about the ship,” Hutch said, leaning closer to Starsky’s desk.

“There’s nothing more to tell. Besides, you don’t care.” Starsky kept his eyes on the contents of the folder, not really reading them.

“I do care, Starsk. Come on, tell me something else about the ship.”

Starsky glanced up at Hutch, whose bright blue eyes eagerly looked at him, waiting for his answer.

Starsky narrowed his eyes, trying to see if Hutch was being sincere.

“You really wanna’ know?”

“Yes, I do.”

Starsky thought it over. He really was excited to tell Hutch about the ship. He was proud of what he’d done and wanted to share it with his best friend. Starsky gave Hutch another dubious glance, then his spark returned. He closed the folder and leaned toward Hutch with bright cobalt eyes.

“Well, on September 20th, 1777, on its return trip from France, the Lexington was captured by the English cutter Alert. After a fight of more than three hours, the Lexington ran out of ammunition and had to surrender, saving the lives of the crew.”

“Wow, that’s really somethin’,” Hutch stated, smiling. He really wasn’t interested in any of this, but he needed to make Starsky think he was so as not to hurt his feelings.

“How long did it take you to finish it?” Hutch continued.

“Well, it took about 5 months. I worked on it a little every night after work.”

“After work? But we’ve been working late nights for a few months now. When did you get the time to work on it?”

“Like I said, after work, I’d stay up ‘til the wee hours sometimes, just to complete a section.”

“Oh, that would explain why you’re always late for work,” Hutch smirked.

“I’m not always late, and that’s not always the reason why I’m late,” Starsky admitted, winking.

Hutch grinned. He could sense that Starsky still wanted to talk about his latest achievement, so he continued questioning him.

“So, was this your first model ship?”

“Yeah, I’m a model ship virgin,” Starsky grinned.

“Ah, so how was your first time?”

“Terrific! I kinda’ hated to finish it.”

“Well, from what I saw, you did a really good job.”

“Really? You thought I did a good job?” Starsky asked, happy to have impressed his partner.

“Yes, I do. What made you get into model ship building? I didn’t even know you were into that kind of thing. You never mentioned it.”

“You really want me to tell ya’?”

“Starsk, if I didn’t wanna’ know, I wouldn’t be askin’ ya’.”

Starsky watched him for a few seconds, then decided to continue…

“Okay, well, I used to do model cars when I was a kid. I did so many that my mother made me stop because I was running out of places to put ‘em all. When I got older and had my own place, I wanted to start doing ‘em again, but this time I wanted to try ships.”

“Why that ship?”

“I thought its history was interesting.”

A few seconds went by without Starsky saying anything else.

“Is that all?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that was really somethin’ Starsk. Thanks for telling me about it.” Hutch went back to typing.

Starsky sat back in his chair with his feet up on his desk, narrowing his eyes at the blond. He could read Hutch like a book. They’ve been together for quite some time now, and he knew when his partner wasn’t being truthful with him.

Hutch felt Starsky’s gaze and looked up. “What?”

“You’re such a liar.” Starsky smiled, shaking his head.

“Why are you calling me a liar?” Hutch asked indignantly.

“Come on, Hutch. Do you mean to tell me that you were really interested in me telling you about the ship I built?”

Hutch sighed. He knew he had to finally come clean and tell his partner the truth.

“Okay, Starsk, if you really want the truth, no. I wasn’t interested at all. Sorry,” he admitted, lowering his eyes.

“I thought so—then why didn’t you tell me that? I wouldn’t have gone on and on about it.”

“Starsk, you always want to tell me things that, quite frankly, I’m not interested in, but it’s okay.”

“Oh,” Starsky said, obviously hurt by Hutch’s confession.

“Ya’ see, that look right there,” Hutch said, pointing at his partner, “is why I didn’t want to tell you the truth. I didn’t want to hurt you. I know how much you like to tell me things. As your friend, I should let you, even though I might not be that interested.”

Starsky glared at Hutch.

“Well, don’t worry—I won’t be boring you anymore.”

“Come on, Starsk. I didn’t mean…”

Just then, Dobey called them into his office, ending the discussion abruptly. Starsky practically leapt out of his chair to get away from Hutch and the conversation.

Hutch stood up and watched Starsky disappear into the office. He shook his head—he knew this wasn’t the end of the conversation. Hutch also knew it was going to be a long, uncomfortable day with his partner.

When the day finally ended, Hutch was driving Starsky home. He was uncharacteristically silent for most of the day. He was still obviously angry about what Hutch had said. He knew it was a bad idea to tell him that, but he didn’t want to continue to lie to him. Now he had to somehow make it up to the sensitive burnet.

Hutch pulled up to Starsky’s place, turned off the engine, and then turned to look at his partner, who was sulking in the passenger seat.

“Starsk, I’m sorry I told you I wasn’t interested in what you were saying. It’s just that sometimes I’m tired. I actually think what you have to say is quite interesting.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Hutch,” he said, looking down in his lap. “You’re not the first person to tell me that I’m filled with a lot of information that nobody cares about.”

“Starsk, I don’t think that at all. There are times when I’m not interested, but I don’t want you to stop telling me things. It’s a part of who you are, and it’s what I love about you,” Hutch smiled.

“Yeah, you love me for my useless information,” Starsky said, getting out of the car and heading up to his apartment.

Hutch knew Starsky was getting depressed, and it was all his fault. He had to do something about it. He watched as Starsky disappeared inside, shutting the door. After a few seconds, Hutch got out of the car, knocked on the door, and waited for Starsky to answer. When he didn’t, Hutch reached over the door and took down the key, letting himself in.

Hutch opened the door to find Starsky standing in the kitchen with his back turned. He turned to close the door, then walked towards him.

“Look, Starsk—you have to believe me when I say that you’re not full of useless information. You’re a really smart guy… I’m the dumb one for not wanting to learn a thing or two from you.”

Starsky moved to the fridge and took out two bottles of beer, opening them, then handing one to Hutch.

“Thanks,” Hutch said, taking a swig.

Starsky took his beer into the living room and threw himself on the couch. He just held the bottle in his hand, not drinking. He appeared to be deep in thought as he stared straight ahead. Hutch moved to sit beside him.

“When I was a kid,” Starsky began, “I wasn’t considered very smart. I would always try, but I never got more than a C or a B minus on my report cards. I started thinking I was stupid.”

Hutch sat quietly, listening to his partner’s honesty.

Keeping his head down, he continued. “My mother always told me that I wasn’t stupid; it just took me longer to learn things. She saw that I was curious about a lot of things, so she bought me a set of encyclopedias for my ninth birthday. I read those books almost every day. I discovered that I was able to retain most of the information. For the first time, I felt smart. I’d go to my mother and tell her about all the things I learned from the books. She seemed to marvel at all the things I knew about. Soon, I was telling anyone who would listen about what I read in the books. Those who were tired of listening started telling me that I was annoying and all the things I was telling them were useless information.”

“I’m sorry, Starsk.”

“But when I met you,” he said, giving Hutch a side glance, “I had someone who I could tell stuff to again. Now…” Starsky’s voice trailed off.

“Starsk—please—you can always tell me things…always. I didn’t mean to make you think you couldn’t.” Hutch looked over at the model ship that his partner had completed. He got up, walked over to it, and crouched down. Starsky lifted his head to watch him.

“Wow, Starsk, this is really amazing!” Hutch exclaimed, looking over at Starsky, who didn’t seem impressed by his newfound interest. “I really mean it—this is really professional-looking!”

Starsky sat up, leaning forward.

“You really think so? You’re not just putting me on?”

“No way! Starsk, you could be a professional model builder. I can’t believe this is your first one!” Hutch exclaimed sincerely.

Starsky got up from the couch and bent down next to Hutch.

“Yeah, I guess it didn’t turn out too bad,” he admitted proudly. Then he went back to the living room and sat in a chair.

Hutch got up and followed him, sitting on the couch.

“You kiddin’…it turned out great! Hey, Kiko’s birthday is comin’ up—do you think you could make one for him? I know he’d love it!” Hutch asked eagerly.

“I could, but it’ll take a while to do. When’s his birthday?”

“In two months.” Hutch told him.

“I’ll never be able to finish it in two months. It took me almost five to finish this one.”

“That’s okay. We can always tell him that you’re making something special for him, and it’ll take a little while to finish. I’m sure he’ll understand,” Hutch assured, smiling.

“What kid wants an IOU as a gift?” Starsky thought about it for a minute. “Hey,” he said, snapping his fingers. “I can give him something else on the day, then tell him about my other gift that he’ll get later.”

“Great idea, Starsk! What kid wouldn’t want to get two gifts?”

“None that I know of.” Starsky grinned, then frowned.

“What’s the matter?” Hutch asked, noticing his sudden change of mood.

“I don’t know what to get ‘em. You know him better than I do. What do you think I should get?”

Hutch thought about it. “Well, um, I don’t know.”

“What kind of stuff does he like?” Starsky asked, trying to get Hutch to come up with something.

“Um…”

“Some big brother you are. Don’t even know what your little brother likes,” Starsky smirked, putting his feet up on his coffee table.

“Now wait a minute… I know he likes football.” Hutch remembered.

“Football, huh?” Starsky thought about it. “Do you think he’d like a football?”

“I’m sure he’d love it—the one he’s using now is a bit old.”

“Good,” Starsky said, slapping his hands together and rubbing them excitedly. “So, that’s takin’ care of.”

Hutch watched his friend smile. He was glad that Starsky seemed to be feeling better. He was never going to let Starsky think that he wasn’t interested in what he had to say ever again, or at least he’d do his best not to.

“Hutch, did you know that ancient ship and boat models have been discovered throughout the Mediterranean, especially from ancient Greece and Egypt?”

Hutch smiled sweetly, leaning back with his ankle resting on his knee, getting comfortable.

“No, I didn’t know that, Starsk—tell me more.”

Starsky leaned forward in the chair.

“Archaeologists have determined that Ancient Greek ship models were used as burial or votive offerings and as household articles such as lamps or drinking vessels. Isn’t that somethin’? Starsky asked eagerly.

“It really is Starsk. I had no idea that the ancient Greeks were building model ships,” Hutch admitted, actually interested.

“Oh yeah, model ship building has a long history.”

Hutch sat listening to his informative partner. This was a large part of Starsky’s personality—it made him who he was, and Hutch loved him just the way he was, not wanting to ever change a thing.

The End