Education in Slash

Literally – words to use while writing slash.

Originally published in SHareCon 2010 zine.

My family and friends will tell you that at times I can be quite literal, to the point of frustrated distraction. Ninety-nine percent of the time I do it out of sheer fun, but then…

Lo those many years ago, when I ‘literally’ stumbled across S&H online, I found myself thoroughly enjoying a new source of familiar story-telling that provided an endless reading source. And during that innocent period of reading, I discovered slash.

Now, at the time, as a mature mother well on her way to being a senior citizen, I was not unfamiliar with all the ways of expressing love and romance—romance being my thing.

But, as I read and read and read, I became aware of how many ways there were of describing a particular organ of the male anatomy. The images created by the words were often too hot for my over-active imagination. Whew!!

So, I began to note how the prolific writers of fandom very adeptly used language to get their message across. Thus this little epic was born, and with the use of my pocket sized dictionary I hereby give you the partial results of my research, with dictionary comments along the way.

First, the organ itself: Penis: noun; Anatomy: the organ in males, through which urine and seminal fluid is passed.

Fandom’s descriptive expansion:

Cock: a male adult bird, especially fowl; the position of the hammer of a gun before firing; (verb) to turn upwards or to the side in a jaunty or defiant manner
Rod: a stick or pole made of wood, metal, etc.; biology, an elongated bacterium
Shaft: a straight rod or bar, eg. Arrow, golf club, a ray or beam
Manhood: the state or time of being a man; qualities characteristic of a man—courage, bravery
Sex: the character of being male or female
Man-flesh: see Penis
Dick: slang for penis
Organ: anatomy: any part of an organism, consisting of one or more kinds of tissue, that forms a structural and functional unit
Flag-pole: pole: a long, rounded piece of wood or metal; flag—to signal with; to place a flag on; or, to droop, lose strength
Genitals: plural noun; anatomy, the external sex organs—since only men have such things I guess that’s pretty well self-explanatory too
Wood: the hard fibrous substance of tree trunks; word family—made of or using wood
Spear: a weapon with a sharp, pointed blade mounted on a long pole
Phallus: the penis; an image of the penis used as a symbol of strength and fertility in some religions
Cylinder: a solid or hollow body having circular, equal ends and parallel sides
Club: a heavy stick, usually thicker at one end
Meat: the edible flesh of an animal; full or ideas or substance
LiBarrel: the tube-like part of a gun through which a projectile is discharged

Now, onto part two: I have also discovered that this male organ is susceptible to many alterations in size, shape and stimuli, example:

It can be: hard, turgid, rigid, thick, firm, steel, taut, rampant, hot, angry, sensitive, heavy, or a monster.

It can: pulsate, pulse, ejaculate, jut, engorge, erupt, throb, swell, thrust, and be firm enough to go through concrete; or, to diamond-cutting hardness.

It can be aroused by: being tasted, sucked, licked, swabbed, lubricated, stroked, swallowed, nipped, flicked, caressed, lapped, engulfed, fisted, fondled, pulled, jerked and nibbled. All of these actions used to stimulate this slick, red, silk over steel organ to the ultimate goal of a full-blown, mind-bending, universe-altering orgasm.

Another odd thing about this organ is that it can be seriously affected by, and controlled by, other parts of the body: the mind can produce almost instantaneous reactions by visualization, either from memory or visual aids; the eyes can produce stirrings by the sight of beauty in all its many forms; the lungs can forget to provide breath when overcome; the ears listen earnestly to the murmur of romantic voice or music; the heart, ruler of all, can completely destroy sanity when faced with overwhelming passion.

Left standing on-their-own, these words have no impact on the reader, but putting a bunch of them together in the hands of slash fandom can produce electric results.

There are, of course, many other words used by fandom that I was not, at the time, able to find pen and paper to note. However, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m overlooking anyone’s creativity, so I am continuing to carry on my research. Is “mass of man” hardcore or soft?

All this reading and thinking has led me to the conclusion that I’m really glad I’m not a man. Poor dears really aren’t in control and can’t hide a thing.

Keep up the good work everyone.