Epitaph

Starsky and Hutch reflect on John Colby’s betrayal.

Originally published in the mixed Starsky and Hutch zine, The Lucky and the Strong, in 1993.

TRUST

Why didn’t you trust me, John?
That’s what really hurt.
That you didn’t trust me enough
Not to lie to me about what your life was.
The fact that you were gay, itself,
Didn’t really bother me…
Okay, I was shocked and surprised,
But then it’s always much easier
To be open-minded when you’ve
Never had to look what you’re being open-minded about
In the eye.
But I looked and I’m on
An even keel again.
But it still hurts that you didn’t
Trust me.

HIDING

I think Starsky’s going to be okay now, John.
I know why you hid.
I understand why you didn’t tell Starsk:
You didn’t want to hurt him
Or run the risk that he wouldn’t understand.
Those of us who love him know how
Precious his caring is.
But did you have to leave him with such a shock?
He’s had enough of them in his life:
His father being killed;
Finding out Rosey loved her father more than him.
Terry dying.
(I don’t think he’ll ever get over that one.)
Did you have to drop this on him?
And worse
Did you have to drop this on me
And make me realize what I
Feel for him?