Originally published in the SHareCon 2016 Zine.
look at something other than the moon,
the floor, the door as it hangs open.
look at me, i’m here, i’ve always
been here. you see me but you don’t,
like cloud-cover across a mountain peak.
i could waltz in naked but i am not
your dream, your fantasy of normal.
all my dreams are like nightmares but
i hold on just as tightly, as if they were heaven.
morning follows as always, a chance to recover,
to swallow my desire, to run the other
way, but you swagger up to me and the
battle is already lost.
i surrender. here, here is
half my heart, no, the whole thing.
love competes against itself. you love me
but not that way, i love you but not the
way i want to. god, could it be any more
maddening? by day i plot how i might tell
you, at night i nurse myself, a failure at
both.
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