The Closet Cracks Open

Hutch has to come to terms with his feelings for Starsky, and his thoughts on running from the law when his ex-wife gets murdered.

An unofficial sequel to Rosemary’s, An Even Tighter Closet.

I had the honor of transferring all of Rosemary’s Starsky & Hutch stories from Flamingo’s old archive to the current one. I worked on her stories for almost six months and I absolutely love her writing. I was so happy that I got to meet and talk to her at SHareCon 2018. She knew I was working on moving her stories and was very grateful.

I had read An Even Tighter Closet a few times and I always wanted to know what happened. Someone posted a comment on Facebook a few months ago asking if Rosemary had written a sequel to it. I knew she hadn’t, then thought, why not write one? I began working on it and a few days later, I saw Flamingo respond to the same post to confirm that there wasn’t a sequel and say that didn’t mean someone else couldn’t write it. She said Rosemary would be fine with it.

So, I took it as a challenge; here’s my vision of the rest of the story. I’m forever thankful to Keri T. for her unwavering support of me as a writer, and to Dandelion for her encouragement and belief in me.

Published in SHareCon 2019 zine.

Starsky stood at Hutch’s door, his face contorted with pain, hurt, and anger. “I love you,” he said, “and that ain’t gonna change, unless you really work at changing it. I’ll wait for you to get your act together, partner. But I won’t wait forever. Until then, enjoy your space.”

With that parting shot, he was gone, tearing out of Hutch’s apartment.

Hutch sat, transfixed. What the hell had just happened? How had everything fallen apart and gone so wrong so quickly? Two days ago, he and Starsky were patrolling the streets, best friends, partners. Then his ex-wife was killed, and Hutch was set-up to take the fall. A set-up like no other. Starsky brought the signed warrant to his apartment to take him in, then pulled a fast one on Dryden, handcuffing him to a table. Starsky and Hutch took off, running from the law they had sworn to uphold.

Hutch couldn’t wrap his mind around what happened at Huggy’s last night. They were asleep in the same bed, which wasn’t an unusual occurrence. They had shared the same bed before when one had been sick or hurt and wanted the other close. Hutch awoke from a bad dream and realized Starsky wanted to fuck him… no, make love to him. The idea threw him in ways he never imagined. But he wanted it. He didn’t resist, even knowing he could have stopped it with just a word or a look. But he never said a thing, because he wanted it. He wanted Starsky.

The bust went down exactly as planned at the funeral home this morning. The bad guys were caught, and Hutch’s name would be cleared—all charges dropped. Once again, everything had worked out for the dynamic duo.

How lucky we are, he thought sarcastically. Until they arrived at Venice Place afterwards and everything went to hell.

Hutch tried to explain his feelings to Starsky but couldn’t understand them himself. Starsky was shocked that it wasn’t the sex that was uppermost in Hutch’s mind. Starsky thought Hutch would consider taking advantage of him as a betrayal.

Instead, Hutch explained that they had crossed a line, not with the sex, but by the lengths they would go to, to cover for each other. They had both done it before, but this time… this time it shook something deep inside Hutch. Because now he had the answer to a question he never knew he wanted answered.

Starsky would do anything for him, legal or not, and Hutch knew, deep in his soul, he would do the same for Starsky.

So, where did that leave them now? Where did they go from here?

Starsky wanted to dive into a full-blown relationship, “forsaking all others,” he said. He sounded like he really wanted it.

Hutch marveled at how quickly Starsky grasped things about himself and Hutch without question.

Not Hutch. Hutch had to analyze things, understand them, then put them in a box before he could move on. How he envied Starsky’s ability to just go with it. He wanted to go with it. He wanted to run after Starsky and beg him to forgive what he’d said. He didn’t need space, he needed Starsky! He wanted to bring Starsky back to his bed to pursue the only real relationship that had ever meant anything to him.

But Hutch knew he couldn’t do that, no matter how much he wanted to. Because what he’d told Starsky was true—he didn’t know who he was anymore. And he would have to figure that out before he could embark on the most important relationship of his life. Although he was concerned about Starsky’s threat, Hutch needed time to come to terms with this new information.

Hutch finally moved away from the spot he had been rooted to ever since Starsky walked out of his door. He got up from the couch, making his way to the kitchen to dispose of the beer bottles. That done, he mechanically walked to the sleeping alcove to remove his clothes and then headed for the bathroom. He needed a hot shower to help figure things out. He knew wouldn’t sleep tonight, even though he had a hearing tomorrow.

Having finished his shower, he found himself back on the couch, in the same spot he was before Starsky walked out. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and started thinking.

Who am I? I don’t know anymore. Wasn’t that what he said to Starsky earlier?

But the truth was, Hutch had never taken time to truly know himself. Throughout his life, others had defined who he was supposed to be. And he let them. It was easier than working to find out for himself. So, he became the perfect son, achieved good grades, and made the right friends.

Hutch only veered off the path after college when he decided to be a cop, shocking his family. He moved to LA and enrolled in the police academy. He met Starsky, and then shortly after, met Vanessa.

He’d thought they’d found love at first sight. He was convinced she was the one. His parents loved her when he’d taken her back home. It was only a short hop to marriage and their happily ever-after.

But it wasn’t happy, and it wasn’t ever-after.

Hutch took odd jobs while in the academy so Vanessa didn’t have to work. The strain was enormous, and it eventually caught up to them, erupting into massive fights. Finally, she left. And Starsky stayed.

Starsky became the one constant in his life, never wavering. And he was Starsky’s constant. Unlike his marriage, it was always an equal partnership.

They were good cops. They didn’t make deals and didn’t take bribes. Sure, they bent the rules, mostly for the benefit and protection of each other, but they had never broken them—until Forest kidnapped Hutch and addicted him to horse. They broke the rules then.

Starsky hid him to get him clean and only Dobey ever knew. They kept those facts out of their reports, so IA never found out. Bernie, the uniform cop who’d first seen Hutch, kept his word and never said a thing. Hutch knew then how far his partner would go for him.

When Starsky got shot-up with Bellamy’s poison and faced death, Hutch realized how entrenched Starsky had become in his life. He realized he wouldn’t want to be a cop without his partner. So, he didn’t defend himself when Bellamy was shooting at him on that roof. He couldn’t risk killing the one person who might help save Starsky’s life—even if it meant taking a bullet himself. That’s when he realized he would willingly die to save Starsky. That’s when he knew he loved Starsky more than he had ever loved anyone else.

Considering all that, was he really a good cop? And along those same thoughts, how could he justify what he did yesterday? When the law turned against him, he ran instead of trusting the system—the system he’d sworn to uphold. Starsky was right beside him, willing to go even further, planning the next steps if they had to leave the country. Starsky made arrangements to keep them one step ahead of the law. And Hutch let him.

Hutch had been a cop for almost ten years. He arrested felons and the system put them away. Most of the time. But other times, perps walked free because of loopholes in the law, letting them back on the streets to terrorize more innocent people. Sometimes innocent people were convicted and lost years of their lives in jail.

That almost happened to him. The evidence was overwhelming. Hell, if Hutch had been working the case, he would have targeted the ex-husband as well. Could he have convinced a jury of his innocence? He knew Starsky would never have stopped trying to clear his name, but if he had gone to trial, he probably would have lost. Even if he had won, he would never be able to be a cop again. There would always be a shadow of doubt hanging over him, and other cops wouldn’t know if they could trust him.

But Starsky had faith in him and never believed Hutch was capable of murder. However, Hutch knew that Starsky had killed in cold blood before, for him. When Starsky saw Hutch gunned down during the Haymes kidnapping case, Starsky, in a moment of rage and grief, took out the men who did it. When Hutch threw that accusation at him earlier, Starsky didn’t deny it. Hutch knew that was the moment the lines had become blurred.

Hutch suddenly thought of Iron Mike Ferguson and the deal he’d made with Matt Coyle. Ferguson was considered an excellent cop, getting the criminals off the street, but no one knew he had help from one of those criminals. Even after they found out about his bargain with Coyle, Dobey commented that Ferguson did what had to be done.

Was Hutch living in a world of black and white, when reality was shades of gray? Rules were made to be broken, wasn’t that how it went? He and Starsky bent and broke the rules at times; the Haymes girl survived, using a psychic of all things. By bullying Bellamy’s wife, Hutch was able to track the source of Starsky’s poisoning back to the University, and they did prove that Hutch was innocent of murder by breaking all the rules, by running. And they did it all with only one goal, to put away the guilty and help the innocent.

Hutch felt a sense of understanding. He was a good cop. Starsky was a good cop. Their work bore witness to that.

The world did exist in shades of gray, the system didn’t always work for the good guys, and sometimes even the best cops needed a little help. He could now make peace with running when faced with a charge of murder one. He could accept the flaws in the system, and forgive himself.

He knew what he’d always stood for: the truth. Getting to it might not always follow a conventional path, but he would work hard to reveal the truth in every case. He was on the same page as Starsky; they both knew the end game.

Truth.

But… Starsky. That was going to take a while. Hutch lay down on the couch, legs stretched out. He flung his arm over his head, and, closing his eyes, a picture of Starsky came into clear focus in his mind. Hutch fixated on the familiar face and tried to understand his feelings.

Hutch had loved Starsky almost from the start. Not a sexual love, not then, but he was drawn to Starsky immediately. He knew Starsky felt the same pull towards him. They became best friends quickly.

Vanessa, however, hated his partner. Hutch soon realized she felt Starsky was a threat. She was right. Starsk had rapidly become more important than Van. Why?

Because Starsky offered unconditional love, while Van’s love came with strings. Hutch didn’t make enough money, he had the wrong job, he hung out with the wrong people, he didn’t pay enough attention to her…. She was constantly criticizing him while Starsky was cheering for him. Not to flatter him or feed into his ego—Starsky did it because he was truly proud of Hutch.

Hutch realized their dependency on each other grew not only from a place of respect, but also from the many times they’d had to rely on each other to keep themselves alive. The kidnappings, the shootings, the car accidents… all bonded them in a way nothing else could. All those years of watching each other’s backs—how could he not be dependent on Starsky?

Hutch had realized Starsky was the most important person to him when Bellamy was shooting at him. It was a knowing, deep inside that he would never be happy without Starsky in his life, by his side, day after day. He would feel less than whole without Starsky.
But when did that turn into wanting a physical relationship with him? Wanting to hold him, kiss him, make love to him? It wasn’t just last night, although that made him actually face it. If Hutch hadn’t already felt desire for Starsky, he would have put a stop to Starsky’s advances immediately.

No, these feelings took root when Starsky fell for Rosey Malone, and Hutch realized he wanted Starsky that way. Then, when he’d almost died of the plague and was recovering, Starsky stayed by his bedside 24/7. Hutch realized his feelings had deepened into desire. He had fallen in love with his partner.

He spent weeks trying to ignore those feelings. He thought Starsky would be shocked and want nothing to do with him. So, he buried his feelings so deeply they didn’t have a chance to matter. Then John Blaine died, and all of his fears were realized. Starsky was crushed; the man he thought he knew so well had lied to him his whole life. Starsky could forgive anything but that.

Hutch felt he had to keep quiet.

He didn’t have any idea Starsky felt the same way about him. Not until he woke up in bed with him last night and felt Starsky’s hard-on pressed into the cleft of his ass. That was a clue he couldn’t ignore. He was so shocked he let his heart rule his body and allowed Starsky to make love to him.

It was fantastic! Hutch had never been loved like that before, had never felt so much desire from any of his other lovers. After the incredible sex, he was shattered, inside and out, and knew Starsky was as well. Starsky laid claim to him, while making sure that Hutch understood Starsky was willingly his as well.

Realizing his deepest desires had been granted, he had to find way to be with Starsky. He wanted what Starsky wanted; a relationship, excluding all others, and the chance to love and be loved without limits.

But how can we have that, be everything to each other, and still watch each other’s backs on the streets? How do I not freeze up when we’re in a dangerous situation, like I did when I was with Gillian? How do I keep him safe, knowing without him, I’m nothing?

Hutch thought back through the months since he’d recognized his feelings for Starsky. They’d worked through undercover assignments, shoot-outs, and fights, but Hutch never froze once. Nor did Starsky. Protecting each other was automatic. That one time in the alley was an anomaly. It had to be, because Hutch loved Starsky so much more than he ever loved Gillian.

Hutch felt close to figuring it out, but some things still eluded him.

How do we keep from losing ourselves in each other? How can we be everything to each other, and maintain our individuality? What happens if he’s taken from me? How would I survive?

Hutch suddenly sat up. Jesus Christ! It’s too late! It was too late, even before we ever fell in love.

That dependency, that fear of being devastated if something were to happen to one of them, was there before they became aware of their sexual desire. They’d been living with it for the last ten years. Yet, each had maintained their own individuality.

They were two separate human beings, with their own quirks and flaws, who loved each other with the same devotion.

What had he told Starsky earlier? “I don’t know who I am anymore, let alone what I want.”

He smiled. Well, I figured that out. I’m a good cop who stands for truth, who wants a life with Starsky, in or out of the closet. I can’t live without him.

Hutch rubbed his face and looked at the clock. It was after midnight. He could still catch a couple of hours sleep before the hearing today. He headed for bed; he knew for certain that Starsky was his happily-ever-after. But could he convince an angry Starsky that he was serious?

*****

The next morning, Hutch walked into the squad room. Starsky was nowhere in sight. As he headed for his desk, Dobey came out of his office.

“I’ve been waiting for you. Where’s your partner?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Thought he’d meet me here,” Hutch replied.

“Well, we don’t have time to wait. IA wants you down there now, and I’m going with you,” Dobey said over his shoulder as he headed for the door.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Starsky?” Hutch wanted his partner with him for this, even though Starsky had been upset when he left Hutch’s apartment last night.

“No time to wait. Let’s go,” Dobey held open the door, waiting for Hutch to walk through it.

“OK,” Hutch said as he gave their desk one more look. He turned and walked out, Dobey right behind him. Hutch really needed his partner to be with him and hoped that Starsky wasn’t avoiding him out of spite.

When they arrived at the IA office, Simonetti and Dryden were there, along with the Chief. After a few words of apology that, to Hutch, looked like they were sticking in Simonetti’s throat, Hutch was informed that all charges against him were dropped and there would be no hearing. His name was cleared and his good standing re-established. It was done.

After stammering out a few words of thanks, Hutch shook the Chief’s hand, glared at Simonetti and Dryden and followed Dobey out of the office.

“Glad that’s over with,” Dobey told him.

“Yeah,” Hutch replied, his mind still on his missing partner. He could hear Dobey going on about writing the reports from yesterday, but all he could think about was finding Starsky and letting him know he’d been officially cleared.

When they walked back into the squad room, Hutch saw Starsky sitting at his desk, staring into a box. Starsky didn’t look up at him. Hutch told him that IA had dropped the charges without a hearing, and Starsky, still not looking at him, muttered something about how he was grateful he didn’t have to break in a new partner. Hutch rolled his eyes and bit back a smart-ass retort and watched silently as Dobey informed Starsky that he had paid a fortune for what was basically a rat.

Dobey left, laughing his way back into his office. Hutch looked at Starsky and saw Starsky clench his jaw, nostrils flaring. Knowing how pissed Starsky was about being cheated out of a lot of money, Hutch stood and started to say something when Starsky abruptly stood up, grabbed the box with the guinea pig in it, and brushed by him, heading for the door.

“Starsky, where’re you goin’?” Hutch called after him.

Without turning around, Starsky yelled back, “Not now, Hutch!” and then he was out the door for the second time in less than twelve hours.

Debating on what to do, Dobey came back into the room. “Where’s your partner now? You two need to get those reports done, yesterday!” Dobey bellowed.

“I don’t know, Cap’n. He took the rat and left,” Hutch admitted.

“Well, you’re still here. Get those reports done, then if Starsky hasn’t shown back up, you can go find him. But those reports come first.” Dobey stomped back into his office.

Not having much of a choice, Hutch went around to his desk, sat down, and started to work on the reports, with half of his mind on his partner. These were going to take twice as long to do, without Starsky’s help. Damn, Hutch thought. I really wanted to talk to him about what went down.

***

A few hours later, the reports were done, and Hutch was still minus a partner. He tried calling Starsky’s place but didn’t get an answer. Hutch knew that Starsky was still upset with him, avoiding him. Now, after being humiliated this morning, Hutch had a sinking feeling that Starsky may have changed his mind about them. What if he had missed his chance to tell Starsky how he really felt?

He picked up the phone again and tried another number.

“What it is?” said the voice on the other end.

“Huggy. Is Starsky there?” Huggy was always a good place to start when trying to find his partner.

“Hutch, what’s goin’ on with you two turkeys? Your other half was in here earlier, mutterin’ somethin’ about payin’ a king’s ransom for a rat. He okay?”

“Is Starsky still there?”

“Na, he left, barely said a word to me and didn’t even finish his burger. The boy’s gotta be sick if he ain’t eatin.” Huggy sounded genuinely concerned.

“How long ago did he leave, Hug?” Hutch needed to know how much of a head-start Starsky had on him.

“About a couple of hours ago. What’s up, Hutch?”

“I’ll fill you in later, but I gotta go. Thanks!” Hutch hung up the phone, grabbed his jacket and left the squad room. Where would Starsky go to nurse his pride, stung both by Hutch and by being taken for a chump.

Driving around for two hours to Starsky’s favorite haunts produced no results, and Hutch was worried. Deciding on one last spot, Hutch turned towards Venice Beach. This was really his place to ponder things, but he gave it a shot, having no luck anywhere else.

Spotting the Torino in the parking lot at the beach, Hutch breathed a sigh of relief. He parked, got out of his car, then started scanning the beach. Spotting a lone figure a couple of hundred yards away, Hutch started towards it.

Starsky was just a few yards away from Hutch when he suddenly stopped. He didn’t turn around, and Hutch quickly caught up with him. Taking a deep breath, not knowing how he would be received, and scared he would be turned away, Hutch approached his friend.

“You’re a hard man to find when you don’t want to be found,” Hutch said as he drew even with Starsky.

“Whadda ya want, Hutch?” Starsky asked, looking out to the ocean.

“Where’ve you been?” Hutch thought he would start by talking about today before going any further.

“I got my money back from that asshole who sold me the chin… guinea pig. Didn’t give him the pig back, though. He nearly shit himself when I told him I was a cop.” Hutch thought he saw Starsky almost smile.

“Whatcha do with it? You gonna keep it?” Hutch wanted to know.

“No. I stopped by the Dobey’s. Rosie took one look at her and was in love. She’s got a new pet now.” This time, Starsky did smile.

“Dobey’s gonna get you for that, buddy,” Hutch smiled, thinking it was a clever move on Starsky’s part.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sure we’ll get overtime or something.” Starsky started walking away and Hutch reached out to grab Starsky’s arm. He couldn’t let Starsky escape–they needed to work this out!

Starsky stopped and turned back to him. He looked down at Hutch’s hand then back to Hutch.

Hutch quickly dropped his hand, not knowing if it was welcomed or not. “Hey, we need to talk.”

“Thought you needed space,” Starsky said with an edge in his voice. He put his hands behind his back, as if to avoid contact with Hutch.

“I do. I-I did. You gave me space last night… to think. I’d really like to talk to you….” Hutch couldn’t read Starsky’s eyes. He thought he saw hope, but it was quickly replaced by something else. Doubt? Suspicion?

“Thought you’d need more time. Usually takes you a while to figure things out.” Starsky sounded guarded.

Hutch smiled. “Normally, yeah. But when it’s something as important as this, I can work through it faster. Because I know what’s at stake.”

Starsky hesitated. “Okay, then. I’ll follow you to your place.” Starsky seemed wary as they headed for their cars.

As they headed towards his apartment, Hutch tried to calm his mind. When he pulled up in front of Venice Place, Starsky was right behind him. They walked up the stairs together.

Once inside, Hutch knew Starsky wanted an explanation. He couldn’t keep him waiting. He went to the fridge and got them each a beer.

Starsky was sitting on the couch, watching him expectantly. Hutch handed him the beer.

No turning back now. He sat on the other end, facing Starsky. He looked at his hands, at a loss on how to begin.

“So, I’m here. Thought you wanted to talk.” Starsky was clearly not going to let him delay the issue.

“I do. And I’m glad you’re here. I’m just tryin’ to figure out where to start.”

Starsky got right to the point. “How ’bout we start with why you were so freaked out about what we had to do to get you outta this mess, and we’ll deal with the sex later?”

“Yeah. Okay. That’s a good place to start.” Hutch clasped his hands together as he looked at Starsky. “I got scared. After we arrested Wheeler, all I could think of was one word, repeating over and over: hypocrite. And it made me question everything I ever believed in about why I became a cop.

“Every time we arrest someone, or try to convince someone to come in, we say the same thing: tell the truth and the system will work for you. I thought I believed that, until I was the one that had to put my trust in the system. Then I realized I didn’t believe it, and I got scared. I doubted that the law we swore to uphold would give me a fair shake. So, I did what every other perp in that position does: I freaked and ran. I’m not proud of it.”

Hutch sighed and shifted on the couch. “Think about it, Starsk. If this was some case we were assigned, who would you like for it, huh? A woman killed in her ex-husband’s apartment, with her ex-husband’s gun, with a diamond worth a fortune found in her ex-husband’s car. And the ex-husband had no alibi for his whereabouts at the time, nothing to back him up. What would you think?”

“That the ex-husband killed her,” Starsky said without hesitation. “But this isn’t ‘some case.’ This is you we’re talkin’ about. I had no doubts about you. I knew you didn’t do it, couldn’t do it.”

“Yeah, but you’re biased. No one else has the same view of me as you do, babe. Simonetti and Dryden surely don’t. And they were positive it was me. So, I got scared, and let you take over. I trusted you to take care of me more than I trusted the legal system.”

“That’s what a partner’s for. I wasn’t gonna sit around and let the system do its thing. I knew everything was stacked against ya. Ain’t no way was I gonna let you take the fall for something you didn’t do.” Starsky took a drink then wiped at his mouth, looking back up at Hutch.

“I know, Starsk,” Hutch continued. “But when I realized that I didn’t have faith in the system, that made me question why I’m a cop, and what I stand for. I thought about our past cases, the dangers we had to deal with and the way we work. The rules we bend. And because the system isn’t perfect, we bend the rules so we can have some control over the outcome. Most of the time it works for us. Because what we’re trying to find is the truth in every case.

“In this case, you and I were the only ones lookin’ out for the truth. So, we bent the rules enough to get to the truth and find the actual murderer. When I was thinking about it last night, I realized I was okay with how everything went down, because, bottom line, I would’ve done the same for you.”

Starsky looked Hutch squarely in the eye. “Isn’t that part of your problem? How far will we go for each other? What did you say last night?” Starsky glanced away, then back at Hutch, “‘Where do we draw the line?’ When it comes to you, I ain’t got a line, Hutch. Not really. You’re the most important person in my life and I’ll do anything I haveta, to keep you safe. Sometimes the lines do get blurred. I get that, like with the Haymes case you threw in my face last night. I’m not proud of it, but those were no innocent bystanders who got hurt. Yeah, we’re focused on each other, but we’ve always been aware of others around us.” He leaned back, taking a breath.

Hutch heard what Starsky was saying, but he focused on what he wanted to say next. He wanted to make sure Starsky understood him.

“You’re right,” Hutch began, leaning forward. “Last night, I thought about how dependent we are on each other. Where it all started. How it’s become so ingrained in us to protect each other. From helping each other at the academy, to you helping me kick heroin, and me letting Bellamy use me for target practice because he was the only link to saving your life. Right down to you tracking down Callendar so his blood could save me—not a whole city full of people—but just me. I admitted to you last night that I love you just as much as you love me. And—”

“Yeah, and you said it like it was a death sentence,” Starsky interrupted.

“Ah, no, babe. It just scared me, knowing how much I love you. I realized that even before the… sex… we had already become everything to each other, the most important person in each other’s lives. But we were still able to do our jobs, be good cops, and get results, while protecting each other. While loving each other.”

“So, what does that mean?” Starsky asked quietly.

Hutch sat back and stared earnestly at Starsky. “That I want to always be your partner. That I’ll do what I have to do to keep you safe. That I’m in love with you, too, and have been for a while. Last night made me finally face it and put a name to it.”

He paused, searching for the right words. “When you made love to me, you broke through my wall of denial. I’ve known for years that I would never be happy without you in my life. But it wasn’t until you were with Rosey Malone that I knew I wanted you… that way.”

“Since Rosey?” Starsky sounded genuinely surprised. “That was months ago. Why didn’t you say somethin’?”

“How long have you known… that you were in love with me?” Hutch countered.

“Years,” Starsky quietly admitted.

“Years?” Hutch was shocked. “How the hell did you keep it secret? Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”

“How would you have reacted, huh? I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you about Gordie, let alone how I felt about you. I saw no sign that you’d ever welcome that kinda love from me.”

“But I told you about Jack—” Hutch began.

“Yeah, but that was kid’s stuff. Nothin’ heavy like what I got up to with Gordie in ‘Nam. Turns out, all he wanted was sex anyway. When I told him how I felt about him, he freaked and wouldn’t have anything to do with me. I couldn’t take that chance with you. So, I kept quiet, and I went out with girls. I did love Terry, and I was very infatuated with Rosey, but those relationships can’t compare to the way I feel about you.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes, then Hutch said, “Want to hear the big revelation I had last night?”

“Yeah… at least, I think I do,” Starsky replied, looking apprehensive.

Hutch stretched his arm across the back of the couch. “It finally hit me that even before I realized how I felt about you, before I knew how you felt about me, that I’d be destroyed if anything ever happened to you—if you were to leave, or….” Hutch couldn’t bring himself to finish that thought.

“You were already so deeply imbedded in my life that even without the sexual desire, I would be lost without you. I had been living with that knowledge for years. Yet, we’ve been able to do our jobs and live separate lives. We are wrapped up in each other, but we have enough distance to give each other space, when needed. Last night, I kept thinking if we took this next step, how do we maintain ourselves, without losing ourselves in each other. I figured out that even adding a sexual relationship to what we already have, we couldn’t be more to each other than what we already are. What we have been for years.”

“What’re you sayin’, exactly?” Starsky asked.

“That I wouldn’t mind sharing a closet with you, if you still want to,” Hutch answered, drumming his fingers on the back of the couch nervously.

Starsky ducked his head, but Hutch could see he was starting to smile, and his eyes looked a little bright. Starsky put his arm on the back of the couch and intertwined his fingers with Hutch’s. “Yeah, I got room in my closet for you.”

Hutch just grinned. “You know if we want to stay cops, and stay alive, we have to keep this quiet, and we have to lie. It would be really obvious to everyone if we were to suddenly stop talking about the women we’re seeing, or competing for them. We have to keep braggin’ about our hot dates. If it ever got out that we’re together, we could pay a big price.”

“I know. I’ve kept my secret for a long time. I know how to play this game, and now I get to play it with you.”

“Starsk, you’ve been carrying this around for a long time. Will you be happy, living in the closet with me, hiding our relationship from our family and friends? I don’t want you to ever feel constrained.”

“I won’t, Hutch. I’ve wanted this for a long time. I know we can’t be open. I don’t think Ma and Nicky will be very accepting of this new turn in our relationship. Can’t see tellin’ your parents, can you?”

“No, but there may come a day when I can tell them and they’ll accept it… or, at least, not disown me.” Hutch gave a small smile, not wanting to think about his family. Right now, this was his time, and Starsky’s.

“We’re always at each other’s places anyway, right?” Starsky asked. “We’ve always done that, hangin’ out, ridin’ in to work together, sleepin’ on each other’s sofas. Only now, we’re gonna be sharing the same bed.” Starsky smiled, but suddenly glanced away from Hutch and seemed disconcerted.

Hutch shook his and Starsky’s hands. “Hey. What’s wrong? What are you thinking?”

Starsky’s eyes slid back at Hutch. “After I left last night, I didn’t know if this was the end of us, or what. Now, less than twenty-four hours later, you’ve just offered me everything I ever wanted. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, Hutch. I need you to be sure. I meant what I said last night. Don’t tease me with what I can’t have. Don’t touch me unless you mean it.”

Hutch gazed at Starsky and knew that Starsky didn’t fully believe him, yet. After a few moments, Hutch withdrew his hand from Starsky’s. He saw Starsky’s eyes widen, not knowing what was happening. Feeling more nervous than he could ever remember, Hutch got to his knees and crawled over to Starsky. He planted both hands on either side of Starsky’s body with one knee between Starsky’s legs and his other knee on the edge of couch. Starsky had advanced on Hutch the other night, so Hutch knew he had to make the next move. He hoped this was the right one.

When he was a breath away from Starsky’s face, Hutch lowered his eyes to Starsky’s mouth, then he lowered his mouth to Starsky’s. After a few moments of feeling Starsky’s soft lips against his, Hutch opened his mouth, silently asking permission to enter. Starsky replied by parting his lips while winding his arms around Hutch’s shoulders and running his hands through Hutch’s hair. As their tongues slid against each other’s, Hutch knew he was home.

“Does that feel like I mean it?” Hutch asked as he left Starsky’s mouth. Staring deeply into Starsky’s blue eyes, Hutch could see the arousal on Starsky’s face.

Starsky stared back, his eyes bright with tears, and Hutch’s doubts vanished.

Hutch lowered himself onto Starsky, his hard-on pressing up against Starsky’s groin. “Or does this feel like I mean it?”

He took Starsky’s mouth once more, pressing harder against Starsky, reveling in the taste and feel of him. He kissed Starsky passionately, reverently, while Starsky’s hands roamed over his back, then down to Hutch’s ass, squeezing and caressing. Starsky’s erection pushed back against his. His excitement was growing and he rubbed against Starsky. But suddenly, he stopped, released Starsky’s mouth and buried his face against his neck.

“Christ,” Hutch muttered, then looked at Starsky. “I don’t want to come in my pants like some teenager. I want to love you slowly, deliberately, like you deserve to be loved.”

“Ah, Hutch.” Starsky sighed. “I want that, too. Wanna move this into the bedroom? We can take it as slow as you want.”

“Sure, babe. Let’s move.”

Hutch rose, reluctant to lose contact with Starsky. So he pulled Starsky in for a full-body contact hug. He buried a hand in Starsky’s hair, as Starsky’s arms went around Hutch’s waist. It felt so right, holding Starsky this way, the way he had always held him; this time, though, he held him as a lover.

They moved apart but clasped hands, and walked to Hutch’s bed.

“It’s not like we’re virgins,” Starsky said, grinning.

“I know, but it kinda feels like it, doesn’t it?”

“It does, yeah. In a way. I’m a little nervous. But I know this is what I want, a life with you, and now I know that you want it, too.”

Starsky reached for the top button on Hutch’s shirt. As he started unbuttoning it, Hutch couldn’t resist the mouth so close to his, so he took it in a gentle, loving kiss. Together they slowly undressed, revealing themselves. It wasn’t anything they hadn’t seen before, with shared showers at the station, and caring for each other when injured or hurt. But they had never seen each other in this state of excitement.

Hutch was fascinated; and deeply aroused. He’d never really got a good look at Starsky the other night at Huggy’s, so he looked down and saw Starsky’s cock. It was standing hard and proud, the circumcised head colored a vibrant reddish-purple. Hutch tentatively reached out and ran his finger along its length, then down the other side where Starsky’s balls hung, full and round. He then wrapped his hand around Starsky’s cock, making him hiss with pleasure. He pumped twice, feeling it grow in his hand, thrilled to see Starsky respond to him.

“I’ve got nothing on you,” Hutch mumbled, as if in awe.

“What? What do you mean?” Starsky whispered.

“That night. You told me I was beautiful, but you’re a goddamned work of art, Starsk.” He dragged his eyes away from Starsky’s cock and cupped Starsky’s cheek with his free hand.

Starsky gazed at him with love and lust as he swallowed, making his Adam’s apple bob.

“I want to do this right,” Hutch said.

“Anything you do will be right. There’s no wrong way with us.”

Hutch moved onto the bed, bringing Starsky with him. Hutch rolled Starsky onto his back, then covered him using his body like a hard, hot blanket. He began mapping Starsky’s face with kisses as his hands explored Starsky’s body. One hand again wrapped around that gorgeous cock, feeling it grow even more.

Starsky wasn’t as long as Hutch, but had more girth. Now that he could see it, Hutch was amazed it could fit inside him. He drew back from kissing Starsky and watched his hand working Starsky’s cock, mesmerized by the sight. That was his hand doing this to Starsky. He never really let himself think what this would be like. He’d tried to bury those feelings, thinking he could never act on them, so he never fantasized about how it would be, what it would look like. Now, he was enraptured. But he didn’t want to give Starsky a simple hand job. Not after what they ‘d already shared. He wanted to give him something special.

Hutch let go of Starsky’s cock and brought his hands to his chest. Burying his face in Starsky’s neck, he inhaled deeply, loving his lover’s musky smell. Hutch’s neck had always been sensitive, so he figured it might be the same for Starsky. He nibbled and licked his neck, making Starsky whimper, as Hutch tasted his salty sweat as goosebumps broke out over Starsky’s flesh.

He ran his hands along Starsky’s sides and down his torso, loving the feel of the hard muscles and the fur that blanketed his chest. Starsky was hairy where Hutch was smooth. But not too hairy; just right. Hutch tongued and bit at the hairs on Starsky’s chest, making him gasp with pleasure. Encountering one of Starsky’s hardened nipples, Hutch gently licked it. As Starsky gripped Hutch’s head, Hutch took the nub into his mouth, sucking gently at first, then with more pressure, biting down, but not hard enough to hurt, just to add stimulation.

Starsky seemed to like that as he groaned aloud. “Huuutch!” he hissed, his head thrown back.

“You like that, huh?” Hutch teased. “Maybe I should try the other one.”

“Oh, God,” Starsky breathed.

Hutch gave the left nipple the same treatment, alternating licking and biting. He was getting a much better response out of Starsky than anyone before. Maybe because of the love they were sharing. Hutch loved running his tongue over a beautiful body, and there were none as beautiful as this one.

He let go of Starsky’s nipple and ran his tongue down to Starsky’s flat stomach. Hutch traced each of his ribs with his hands and mouth. When he came to Starsky’s navel, he circled it with his nose before plunging his tongue in the indention.

Starsky nearly bucked off the bed, but Hutch held Starsky’s hips down. He lapped at Starsky’s navel while Starsky’s cock bumped his chin, then lowered his head. Burying his face in Starsky’s pubic hairs, he gently nipped and tongued the base of his cock.

Hutch was as worked up as Starsky. He had been rubbing against Starsky’s leg, and realized he had to slow down, or he was going to get off first. As he paused, he looked up when he heard Starsky moan.

“For God’s sake, Hutch, touch me or somethin’. Don’t stop… please, don’t stop now!” Starsky begged.

“I’m not stopping,” Hutch reassured him. “I just need to slow myself down. I don’t want to rush this. I want to take my time with you.” He knew he had to get control, so he reached down and took himself in hand, squeezing the base of his own cock to stop his orgasm from happening too soon. He took a couple of deep breaths, then looked back at the body before him.

Starsky was splayed out, with his cock dripping, begging to be tasted. His hands were fondling his nipples as he shallowly thrust into the air. Hutch had never seen such a sight, and he was mesmerized by it. He reveled in the knowledge that he had brought Starsky to this point. Starsky was his to please; he could touch him in any way, and bring him to these heights. He drank in the sight of that beautiful body, in need of him.

When he felt he could continue without finishing too soon, he positioned himself squarely between Starsky’s legs, placed one hand on each, and pushed his legs wide. He gazed at the feast before him. He had never done anything like this, and he was surprised at how much he wanted it. Lowering his face to Starsky’s balls, he began licking them, gently lapping over them, before opening his mouth and taking one in, running his tongue around as much of it as he could. He could feel Starsky trembling, hear him panting. Hutch released the one in his mouth, then moved and took the other one in, enjoying the feel of the soft skin on his tongue, loving the smell of sex coming from his lover. He let go of his mouthful, and gently lapped the skin behind Starsky’s balls, amazed at how smooth it was.

Rising, he sucked his middle finger into his mouth, soaking it with spit, then that finger found the entrance into Starsky’s body. He ran his finger around the opening, stroking it over and over. With his other hand, he grasped Starsky’s cock. He raised his head up, took another look at his dark-haired love, then Hutch’s mouth closed over the head of Starsky’s cock as Hutch’s finger penetrated him.

“Huuuuuutch!!!” Starsky screamed but didn’t come. His eyes were closed but Hutch could tell Starsky was surprised by the dual action. He bucked, but Hutch had moved his hand to Starsky’s hip and kept him from thrusting his cock down Hutch’s throat.

“Hutch. Hutch. Hutch,” Starsky chanted over and over.

Hutch worked his finger in and out of Starsky’s ass, moving it around as he sucked on Starsky’s cock. Since he had never done this before, he had to keep reminding himself not to scrape Starsky with his teeth. He used his tongue, swirling it around the head, then brushing it up and down the shaft. It hit the back of his throat. Somehow, he was able to breathe around it and not gag. He wanted to take Starsky down his throat, but knew he wasn’t ready for that. Instead, he used his other hand to pump the base of Starsky’s cock, while he focused on the head.

Hutch moved his finger inside Starsky and felt a little bump, so he ran his finger over it. Starsky shouted, then suddenly, Hutch’s throat was bathed with Starsky’s come. He noticed the bitter taste but had to concentrate on swallowing and not drowning.

Drawing back until only the head was in his mouth, he continued swallowing, taking everything Starsky was giving. He felt the spasms around his finger ease and withdrew it as he released Starsky’s cock from his mouth, resting his head on Starsky’s leg.

Hutch gazed at Starsky’s sated and blissful face. After a couple of labored breaths, Starsky opened his eyes to look at Hutch. He held out his left hand.

“Come here,” Starsky said as he took Hutch’s hand and drew him up into a kiss. Hutch could feel Starsky’s tongue swirling around, as if enjoying tasting himself in Hutch’s mouth. Starsky released him, then gazed deeply into Hutch’s eyes.

“I never believed we could be like this. I was convinced that one time was it; thought I’d never get another chance to love you. Now you’re here, and you just gave me the best blow job I’ve ever had in my life. God, I love you, so much.” Starsky paused, looking intently at Hutch. “You must be achin’. What do you want?”

Hutch didn’t know how to phrase his wishes. “I… I’m good with what you want, babe.”

“Hutch, what do you need? You know I’ll give you anything, do anything for you.” Starsky ran the back of his fingers down Hutch’s face.

Hutch nuzzled his forehead against Starsky’s temple. He couldn’t believe he was going to ask this, but after experiencing their fierce pleasure the other night, there was only one thing he wanted. “I… I want to be inside you,” he said quietly.

“Then you got it. You have anything we can use?” Starsky asked.

“I, um, may have some baby oil in the bathroom.”

“Don’t move. I’ll get it.” And with that, Starsky quickly left the bed, wobbling slightly as he sprinted to the bathroom.

Hutch lay there, thinking about what he’d put in motion. He had no idea what he was doing, but Starsky had all the trust in the world in him. He couldn’t let him down.

Starsky came back to the bed, oil in hand.

“I’m not sure how…” Hutch started.

“You were doing fine a few minutes ago. Just start with one finger, then add another and maybe another. Just… stretching.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Hutch whispered.

“You won’t. You can’t. I promise you can do this. Remember how it felt the other night, hm? That’s what I want to give to you tonight.”

Starsky held out the oil bottle and Hutch sat up and took it. Starsky started to turn over, but Hutch stopped him. “Can’t we do it with you on your back? I want to see your face when I… when we’re joined.”

“Sure we can. That’s the thing I missed that night—that I couldn’t fully see your face. I sure heard you, though.” Starsky laughed as he lay back on the bed.

“Yeah, you and a few others, I’m sure,” Hutch said, moving down to get between Starsky’s legs again.

Starsky drew his knees up until his feet were resting on either side of Hutch. “Huggy knows the score.”

Hutch’s head came up. “How? When?”

“Hutch, I’ll tell you anything you wanna know later, but right now, I got other things on my mind, and I for sure know you do, too.”

“Right. Sorry.” Hutch splashed some oil on his right hand and leaned down on his elbows. The smell of musk and sex was strong, and Hutch breathed in a lungful. He gently fondled Starsky’s balls and caressed down to his opening, stroking like he did before. With his other hand, he reached up and took hold of Starsky’s cock and slowly started pumping, bringing him back to hard. Hutch’s middle finger again worked its way into Starsky, and he watched it ease in and out. When Starsky started moaning and humping, Hutch withdrew his finger, then re-entered with two. He felt Starsky bear down.

“Scissor your fingers, babe,” Starsky said.

Hutch followed his instructions and watched, enthralled with what he was seeing, what he was doing. Hutch thought it was the most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life. He took his time, amazed at the tantalizing view as his fingers disappeared into Starsky’s body. Starsky was tight but he could feel the muscle ease up a little, so he slipped in one more finger.

“Now, Hutch. Now,” Starsky begged. His eyes were full of anticipation and love.

Hutch withdrew his fingers, splashed more oil on his hands, rose to his knees, and carefully coated his own cock. He held Starsky’s gaze as he oiled his cock, fisting himself from base to tip, all the while never taking his eyes off Starsky.

“Jesus,” Starsky gasped. “You’re fuckin’ beautiful.”

Hutch smiled and leaned over and grabbed a pillow, putting it under Starsky’s hips. Then he placed his cock at the entrance to Starsky’s ass.

He looked at Starsky again. “Ready?”

“Past ready. Please, Hutch, don’t make me wait any longer.”

“I won’t, babe.” Hutch pushed in slowly, breaking past the entrance. Starsky was tight and Hutch had to remember to go slow, for himself and Starsky. Starsky took a deep breath, then expelled it and Hutch felt him loosen. He eased in more, placing one of Starsky’s legs over his shoulder. Hutch watched as he was taken into Starsky’s body. Fucking fantastic, he thought, engrossed in what he was seeing and doing. He was wrong before. This was the most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life. He looked at Starsky’s face but couldn’t tell if Starsky was feeling pain or pleasure.

“Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” Hutch asked worriedly.

“No, I’m good. It’s just—It’s been a while, and you’re fuckin’ huge,” Starsky said. “Give me a sec.” Hutch could see Starsky was willing himself to relax as he watched Starsky take deep breaths, in and out.

While Hutch paused, he kept his eyes on Starsky, but he had to think of the weather to keep from moving. He had never felt anything this good before. He felt like he was made to fit Starsky, and he couldn’t wait to give to Starsky what he had been given two nights ago, when Starsky had loved him and made him his.

Starsky released his breath and Hutch felt him relax. “Okay, Blondie. Let me have it. I want to really feel you.”

Hutch smiled then moved the rest of the way in. He looked down to see his cock fully inside Starsky, his balls resting against Starsky’s ass. “God, Starsk, this is the most incredible sight I’ve ever seen,” he whispered in a shaky voice. Hutch was overcome with emotion, so full of love for this man, but nature was taking over. He withdrew a little before easing back in.

“Oh, God,” Hutch moaned. He thought he knew what making love meant, but he was wrong, so wrong. This was on a completely different level than his experiences with women, and he was unprepared for what was to come, but he couldn’t wait to truly know what it was like to physically love a man.

He started moving faster and faster, flying higher than he’d ever flown before. He realized Starsky’s eyes were transfixed on his face as he moaned and lifted up to meet each of Hutch’s thrusts. Hutch saw Starsky’s hand reach for his own cock, but he intercepted him. Taking Starsky in his oily hand, he started pumping him to the rhythm of his thrusts, wanting to give everything to Starsky. As he moved, he searched for that tiny gland, and knew he found it when Starsky screamed.

“Huuuutch!! Oh…fuck…Ahhh!”

Hutch had never felt anything like this before, had never seen anything hotter in his life. He had never felt so powerful, so in control of his pleasure and someone else’s. Starsky responded to every thrust, and Hutch knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He wanted this to go on forever, to feel this kind of joy endlessly. But too soon, Starsky froze, then moaned, and Hutch saw Starsky’s cock spurting come, splattering his stomach and Hutch’s hand, while Starsky called Hutch’s name.

The pulsing around his cock signaled the finale for Hutch. He pressed as deep as he could into Starsky and came harder than he could ever remember. He threw his head back, really let himself go, and thrust into Starsky a few more times. It felt like his orgasm was lasting forever and all the while he kept chanting Starsky’s name. When he opened his eyes and looked at Starsky, he saw only love and adoration looking back at him from his satiated lover.

Hutch released Starsky’s legs, dropped to his hands, and lowered himself onto Starsky’s chest, still inside him, dreading the separation. He pressed his forehead against Starsky’s sternum and breathed until his heart rate returned to something akin to normal, relishing the smell and feel of his lover.

“You ever comin’ out of there?” Starsky asked, but Hutch could hear the grin in his voice.

“No. I’m moving in. Don’t ever want to leave.”

“Ah, Hutch. You never have to. Although we’ll have a lot of explaining to do when we go to work.”

Hutch laughed and, pushing himself up, slid carefully out of Starsky. He moved up to Starsky’s face and gently kissed the man who had owned his heart for so long. Bringing one hand to Starsky’s cheek, Hutch released Starsky’s mouth and looked deep into his eyes. “I love you, Starsk. That was the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given. Thank you.” He kissed him tenderly again, rejoicing that he had the freedom to be with Starsky in every way now.

“You’re most welcome, babe,” Starsky said when Hutch drew back. “I feel the same. We’ll spend the rest of our lives lovin’ each other.” He gathered Hutch to him and drew the covers up, positioning them out of the wet spot.

Hutch returned the embrace, wrapping himself around his lover. “How do you feel? Are you okay?” Hutch needed to know that Starsky was physically all right. He couldn’t help but worry, even though he’d felt sore but unhurt when Starsky had taken him. He was afraid he might have been too rough at the end.

“I’m fine, Hutch, more than fine. I’ve never felt better in my life,” Starsky reassured him. “Of course, I’m a little sore, but it’s not bad. Don’t worry, babe. Let’s just go to sleep. I’m wasted!”

Hutch smiled and held Starsky closer. With his body sated and sleep fast approaching, he thought back to what Starsky had said the other night, after they made love: “You’re mine now, Hutch. The whole damn world… if they want you, they’re gonna have to go through me first… you’re mine, and I’m yours.”

He understood why Starsky felt compelled to say that then, to lay claim to Hutch. He felt exactly the same. After sharing what he just did with Starsky, he couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else being with him or of Starsky sharing this with anyone else, man or woman. Yeah, he was Starsky’s, but truth be told, hadn’t he always belonged to Starsky?