To Sleep…Perchance to Dream

Starsky can’t sleep, causing Hutch to lose sleep worrying about him.

Written for an “insomnia” challenge.

Hutch was beginning to panic. He’d been so sure that Starsky would be able to get some sleep after all they’d done today. How could the man keep going?

Starsky looked like the walking dead. Hutch was sure he probably looked much the same way. Lying next to someone who tossed and turned all night had not allowed him much rest this last week, either.

Starsky had made many attempts to leave their bed and go to the couch, so Hutch could sleep, but he wouldn’t let him do that. He was too worried to have Starsky out there alone, doing “God knows what” while he slept, blissfully unaware of his friend’s dilemma. Hutch wasn’t made like that. The “guilt trips” he was able to work up would have qualified him as a terrific travel agent.

This was so out-of-character for Starsky, usually he was able to sleep anywhere, anytime. Hutch remembered some stakeouts where the dark-haired man had been able to twist himself into a pretzel and start snoring in seconds, leaving Hutch feeling jealous of this ability of his.

They’d tried all the patented remedies for insomnia and run through most of the unconventional brews that friends and relatives had suggested, even Minnie’s spinach leaf tea, which sent Starsky running for the john after drinking a few sips of it.

The weekend was here and they’d put in a long day. Hutch was so fearful that one of them was going to get the other killed, he was determined to call Dobey on Monday and request desk duty for the two of them if they didn’t get some sleep over the next two days.

Hutch poked his friend in the ribs. “C’mon, let’s get up and go to Huggy’s for a couple beers. Maybe the fresh air will do us some good.”

“It ain’t gonna help, Hutch. I’m just too keyed up to sleep.”

“It’s either this or the emergency room, Starsk. We’ll have them admit you and knock you out for the weekend. Then maybe I can get some sleep while you’re gone.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go.” Starsky held out his hands in mock surrender. “You know you can be a real nag when you want to be, blondie.”

“Just wait until I have another couple nights without sleep and see how much of a nag I can be, chump!”

Starsky jumped into his clothes and grabbed his car keys. Hutch effectively snatched them out of his hand.

“I’m not riding with you. It’s scary enough when you’re sleeping well, I don’t plan on risking my life tonight.”

Business at Huggy’s was slow for a Friday night. The proprietor welcomed them, seated them in their usual booth, then whispered to Hutch, “What’s with tall, dark and lifeless?”

“He hasn’t slept for about a week, Huggy. We’ve tried everything, but nothing works. I haven’t had much, myself.”

“Hey, I’ll call my Aunt Etta. She’s good with home remedies.”

“Another one of your relatives, Huggy? I don’t know about this, we’ve tried….”

“She lives close, just give it a try.”

“I guess it can’t make anything worse, go ahead and call her.”

Aunt Etta looked much like a feminine version of Huggy himself, tall and lanky. She was dressed in a long, colorful dress with a matching turban. She was taller than Huggy and looked a little foreboding. Both detectives were a bit intimidated by her.

“So, it’s sleep you be wantin’?” she asked in a thick Jamaican accent. “Aunt Etta be the one who can help.”

They moved the party to one of Huggy’s rooms upstairs and Aunt Etta started pulling strange-looking bottles out of her bag. Starsky saw something that looked like an eyeball staring back at him from the bottom of one of the jars and Hutch had to talk fast to keep him from bolting out of the room.

She borrowed a pan from Huggy and set out to brew up a concoction on the stove. It looked like she was throwing everything in it but the bag itself. When it had simmered for awhile, she brought it over to the coffee table and told Starsky to put his head over it and breathe the fumes in.

“Uh-uh, I don’t do this unless the two of you do it! We do this together or not at all,” he said emphatically.

They hung over the steaming pot, looking like the three witches from MacBeth, inhaling the noxious vapors. Hutch wondered momentarily if all the ingredients were legally obtained, but withheld his objections when he felt himself grow calm, then sleepy. He looked over at Huggy, who was sitting next to him and saw that he was reacting in the same way. He couldn’t see Starsky on the other side of the coffee table, because of the steam from the pot and his eyes were getting so heavy….

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“Wake up, sleeping beauty, time to rise and shine!” the irritating voice whispered in his ear, then licked it and stuck a tongue in it for good measure. He swatted at the aggravating presence. Starsky hung over him, grinning at him.

“Wow, that stuff was potent, you guys were out for hours,” he marveled when he saw Hutch open one eye, then close it again quickly.

“What do you mean, ‘you guys’?” Hutch asked. “Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t sleep?” He looked over at Huggy, who was still snoring loudly. “Starsky, please don’t tell me that you didn’t nod off even once.”

“Okay, I won’t tell ya, but Aunt Etta sure left here in a huff. She said her potion’s never failed before.”

Hutch groaned. “What is it with you, anyway? Why can’t you just close your eyes and fall asleep?”

“Well, I was thinkin’ a lot about that while I watched you sleep. Remember that case about a week ago, when I was dozing in the car on the stakeout and you took off to investigate some noises you heard? You didn’t bother to wake me up because you thought it was nothing important. Then you got grabbed by that gunman and almost got yourself killed, just because you wanted to let me sleep. I guess I decided I can’t trust you to make those decisions, so I can’t sleep. Psychologically, I told myself that, I mean.”

“And I think I’m the brains. Where did all this psychology come from, Starsk?”

“I’ve been reading a lot of your old textbooks since I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve learned a lot.”

Just then Huggy started waking up, with a big yawn and stretching himself like a cat who’s very content. Then he looked around, studied Starsky for a moment and sighed. “It didn’t work on you, did it?”

“Nope, I’m still wide awake. The Blintz got a good rest, though.”

Huggy snorted disgustedly and left, muttering, “stubborn jive turkey”, under his breath.

Hutch pulled Starsky over onto the couch by him. “If I promise I won’t ever go off like that on my own, do you think that would help. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry. If I’d have known you would worry like this, I’d never have done it.”

“I know, I just love you so much, I’m scared to death of losing you. I’ve lost so many people in my life, I guess I get a little paranoid.”

Hutch put his arms around the other man and embraced him. “Hey, you, I’m not going anywhere. You’re my life, we’ve been through so much, nothing or nobody would dare split us up now. I promise you I’ll be careful, okay?”

He started stroking his partner’s back and then began kissing him tenderly, putting his hands in Starsky’s curls. The kiss led to more passionate kisses, arousing them both. Hutch continued to caress his partner, stoking the flames in both men.

When Hutch pulled away from Starsky, preparing to position him more comfortably for love-making, Starsky suddenly went slack. Hutch heard the first resonating sounds of snoring and moaned, “Not now!”

Getting up off the couch, he covered Starsky and went down to see if Huggy had any old psychology books he could read.

The End