Vacation

Having recovered from the Plague, Hutch agrees to take time off with Starsky to visit Starsky’s old neighborhood in New York. But Starsky’s idea of sightseeing isn’t quite what Hutch expected.

Originally published in the mixed zine, The Fix #3, in August 1988. Special thanks to Gail Lorden for help in transferring this story to the archive.

Nearly dying gives you a different perspective on everything. Why else would I, ‘country boy’ Ken Hutchinson, actually want to spend my vacation in the city? And New York City, at that? Not that it was really a vacation, either; more like my recuperation period, or so the doctors called it. I still felt weak and sort of light-headed sometimes. And still, even for that, I didn’t think I’d ever felt so good in my life. Like I said, coming so close to losing it all makes you see everything a lot differently. Even the crowds and smell and noise of New York seemed beautiful to me. But then, as long as I was with Starsky, didn’t everything usually look beautiful to me?

I know Starsky was surprised as hell when I told him I’d rather go to New York with him instead of to Minnesota. I was sure he thought this was all some huge joke I was playing on him, and he was waiting for me to pull the punch-line any time. But it really wasn’t like that. Maybe I was still feeling bitter about the fact that none of my family had even called once while I was in the hospital dying. Hell, Starsky’ s mother had called nearly every day, so I’d found out later! Somehow, that seemed only right. Starsk was all the real family I had now, anyway, for years. I felt closer to his mother than I’d ever felt to my own. Even though she didn’t know the truth about us, and probably never would….

I did have an ulterior motive for wanting to spend the next week in New York, though. I was sure Captain Dobey had given Starsky his leave to coincide with mine, for the same reason I’d wanted to come here: we both knew Starsky needed this recuperation time nearly as badly as I did. Dobey could’ve kept my partner in the squad room doing a desk job, but it seemed that gruff ol’ bear really did have a heart of gold, after all. He probably knew that if I’d died, he’d have lost Starsky, too. And I’m not flattering myself, either. I know the way things are. It’d be the same for me if I lost Starsk…

Christ, this is supposed to be a vacation! Why am I thinking such morbid thoughts? Enough, then. I meant to enjoy this time with my partner. Meant to make sure he enjoyed himself and unwound, too. Nobody knew better than I how Starsky had really suffered along with me, right from the moment they’d told me I had that damned plague. I’d known it even before I’d looked up from my hospital bed that morning to see his name scrawled in lipstick across the observation window. Jesus, but I’d known. We’d only been lovers for two months before I’d gotten sick….

And I’d had to make things even worse for Starsky by carrying on like a love-sick teenager over Judith, too. Maybe I could plead temporary insanity, brought on by the pressure of dying? I didn’t love Judith. I didn’t even want her, now that I think about it. But I’d been so damned scared at the time. I knew how I felt about Starsk, and what I wanted from him, what sort of life I wanted us to have together. But Starsky had never said the words to me, even when I was going into the hospital. I didn’t hold that against him, but I was scared and lost and confused…

Well, now I wasn’t, and I was determined to take it as it came. I wasn’t about to push Starsky into anything he didn’t want. We were here now, on vacation, and we were going to enjoy each other, and that was all.

“C’mon.” My idiot partner was tugging me up the stairs by the hand. “You’re gonna love this, Hutch.”

“Starsk,” I sighed, as patiently as I could. This was the third time in as many minutes that I’d almost cracked my head on the low ceiling. “What the hell’re you up to now? Where’re we—?”

“Shut up,” Starsky said cheerfully. He turned his head to grin at me in the dimness, squeezing my hand reassuringly. “‘M givin’ you a guided tour, Blintz! Free o’ charge.”

“I’ve already seen your house, you moron. I’ve stayed here with you before, remember?” I pointed out very reasonably. Not that I’d expected reason to work, anyway, not with the curly- haired madman in this mood. I had to smile in spite of myself, and swiped a tickle across his denimed rear end quickly with my free hand, which made him wiggle the area in question suggestively at me.

“Yeah, but you’ve never seen the view from the roof at night,” Starsky said with great enthusiasm, as we finally emerged into the night air. “What kinda host would I be if I didn’t offer you this fantastic view, huh? Feast your baby blues, Blondie.” Starsky gestured proudly with a wave of his hand at the panorama stretched below us. “Breath-takin’, ain’t it?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” I wheezed, as the odor from a garbage dump wafted up to us from a block or so away. I coughed, and Starsky looked at me anxiously, and I understood his worry at once. Made me a little teary-eyed, in fact. I smiled, hugged Starsky’s shoulders tight, snuggled him against my side. He melted against me at once, and suddenly there was a lump in my throat that shouldn’t have been there.

“Bet you spent all kinds of time up here at night as a kid, right?” I guessed. We were standing in the shadow and comparative safety of a huge air vent, so I felt safe in nuzzling his dark curls with a kiss. Starsky smiled against my neck and began nibbling me there.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly a moonlit night down on the farm,” he teased, and I groaned, “but it wasn’t so bad. See that empty lot over there, Hutch? That used t’ be a liquor store, and Vinnie Scarpelli threw his guts up one night on some rotgut when he was twelve years old,” my lover revealed with relish, and I grinned. “Sort of, ah, appropriated it from the store…”

“…only to be followed by you, huh?” I guessed, kissed and nibbled on his ear. “Tossin’ your cookies, I mean.”

“Well, it was my first time,” Starsky replied defensively, and I chuckled. “That place on the corner over there? That used t’ be a hardware store. One night, a bunch of us decided we needed tools so we could go t’ that old car junk yard you can see from here…”

“Bet you broke the window, didn’t you? Then the bunch of you went and helped yourselves to old car parts? Practice opening up a car without benefit of a key? You did have a full and formative young life, Starsk,” I teased gently, loving this. “Aren’t you gonna show me where your first rumble was?”

“Was on the other side o’ town,” Starsky growled, suddenly pressing himself much closer to me, “besides, somethin’ else a lot more interesting happened right on this roof! When I was fourteen.” I heard him swallow, then I drew back and blinked at him in surprise. In the pale, filtered street light, my partner actually looked a bit flushed.

“Starsk?” I said gently. I ran a fingertip carefully down his cheek. His midnight blue eyes were bright, serious.

“Me and Liz Shapiro made it up here one summer night,” Starsky half-whispered with endearing shyness. “It was my first time, Hutch. You know what, though?”

“No.” I smiled. He seemed tense suddenly, so I massaged his nape slowly, hoping to relax him. “What, babe?”

“Ever since the first time we made love—you an’ me, I mean—I’ve wished you coulda been my very first time,” Starsky mumbled, looking down suddenly. “Know it’s silly an’ stupid, but—”

“No, it’s not.” I shook my head, and took his chin gently in my fingers to lift his face up to mine. “I’ve wished that for myself, Starsk. I don’t think it’s stupid at all. We can’t turn back the clock, love, but…”

“Make love t’ me, Hutch? Right here? Right now?”

“Starsk?!”

“Aw, c’mon, Hutch. ‘S not like anybody’s gonna see us up here, or anybody’s even lookin’; this’s New York,” Starsky begged, his eyes huge, nearly luminous. “Who the hell’s even gonna notice! We’re three thousand miles away from Dobey and the LAPD! Okay, so it is against the law,” he growled, then pressed me up against the wall of the vent, ” so… we’re cops, ain’t we, we can arrest each other! Please, Hutch? We won’t be hurtin’ anything, babe, and it means a lot t’ me.”

Starsky’s voice trailed off, and I just gazed at him helplessly. It wouldn’t be difficult, that was for sure; he was already hard as a rock against me, and I could feel myself swelling and growing against him. In fact, it was the first time since I’d gotten out of the hospital that I’d actually felt this way…

“Hutch?”

As if he’d just read my mind, Starsky was reaching down between us to stroke and fondle at my swollen crotch. “You can, can’t you? I mean—”

“Don’t worry, Starsk, everything’s still working,” I said dryly, and he grinned sort of sheepishly. “‘S just—it seems so—”

“Jesus, Hutch. I love you. I’ve gotta have you now!” Starsky cut me off, and tears were standing in his eyes, and I just stared at him for a long moment. My heart might’ve even stopped, and I wouldn’t have known. Starsky loved me? He’d actually said it at last? He really—

“Aw, Hutch! I know I never told you. I know I should’ve.” He was groaning, running his fingers through my hair, pulling my head down close to his. “I just—you know how hard it is for me to—”

“Shhhh,” I whispered, and tried to silence him with my own mouth, nuzzling, kissing. I was almost crying, aching for him, loving him so much. “Starsk, don’t! You don’t have to—”

“Yes, I do,” Starsky moaned, deep in his throat. “I love you, Hutch. I don’t think I even realized how much until I thought you’d—until you—I wanted t’ tell you, Hutch, before it was too late, but I was so goddamned scared I was gonna lose you. As if, if I said the words t’ you, I’d jinx it, or somethin’, and I really would lose you…”

“You moron,” I whispered. I suddenly couldn’t stop smiling. “You big, stupid, beautiful moron! I love you, Starsk, you hear me? I love you, and I want you! C’mere, you big lug.”

“Livin’ dangerously now?” Starsky teased, but his cheeks were wet as I captured his mouth with mine, met his tongue tip-to-tip. Then our tongues twined and pushed as he fumbled with my pants, and I fumbled with his…

It wasn’t exactly a ‘go all the way’ session, but it was still beautiful. Just hearing those words from Starsky after all this time put me on a high I never could’ve gotten from drugs or booze or anything else. I knew he wanted me to take him, but he was so tight right then… It’d been weeks, for us both… and we didn’t have any lubrication with us. So I wrapped him fast to me, and loved him with my fingers up that warm, clenching, welcoming little bottom of his, as he loved me the same way. He was bucking and thrusting against me so furiously, I could barely hold him, then he was exploding all over my belly in great, releasing spurts.

I was nearly ready to explode myself, but Starsky knew without words that I wanted it to last a little longer. We’ve always been able to read each other’s thoughts. So he slid out of my embrace, moaning, trembling… locked his arms around my waist, took my cock in his mouth, and began to suck as I shuddered, clung to his shoulders, finally jetted down his throat. I watched him working at fever pitch, swallowing convulsively, worshipping me… mine, all mine. And so damned beautiful.

We needed to talk, I knew, and we would. I didn’t know if Starsky was ready to give up women completely yet, or even if I was. I thought I might be, but if Starsky wasn’t sure about his own needs, I could wait… had to wait. Because I’d found my life’s mate at last; I was sure of it. I knew it, as I smelled his musk mingled with mine, as I caressed his sweat-beaded shoulders and back, pulled him up, shaking, to crush him to me, to snatch his mouth deeply and savor my own taste on his lips… Oh yes, I knew.

No matter what we had to go through, what changes it’d mean in our lives, eventually we would be together. Just the two of us, for the rest of our lives. Sooner than later, I was sure, it’d all come right.

In the meantime, we loved each other. And that was enough for now.