What I Believe

Hutch shares something with Starsky he was dealing with during Starsky’s recover from Gunther’s shooting.

Originally published in the SHareCon 2019 zine.

Ken Hutchinson picked up the dice from the board and dropped them into the box, effecting an end to their game. His partner and lover looked up questioningly but made no comment. Hutch smiled at the act of patience, fully recognizing it as just one of the new things between them. One of oh so many.

“Hold on, I have something for you,” Hutch said as he butt-scooted a few feet away to reach into one of the lower kitchen cabinets. He withdrew a file folder and pushed it to Starsky, then stood and went to the fridge for another cold beer.

“What’s this?” Starsky asked as he turned it over, inspecting it.

“Happy Anniversary,” Hutch answered.

Starsky fixed him with a puzzled look before risking a closer inspection of its contents.

“It’s been a year,” Hutch offered softly. “I took the idea from Terry; it isn’t very original. Go ahead and open it.” Hutch cracked his beer and took several swallows as he waited.

Starsky glanced over the stack of pages, clearly still puzzled.

“The department shrink I was forced to see gave me a homework assignment that I had to do before I’d get an OK for duty.” Hutch watched as Starsky examined the pages more carefully, obviously taking the time to read bits and pieces.

“Every week when I came for my appointment, I had to bring something I believed. Just one statement of fact and we’d talk about it. During my last session, she suggested I pick a date to show them to you. It wasn’t required, or a condition for returning to duty, just a suggestion. I kinda liked the idea at the time and told myself I’d do it when it had been a year… you know, if the time was right, and I think it is.”

“Why do you want me to see this?” Starsky asked, still looking through the pages.

“I thought it was the easiest way to let you know how I was dealing with the past twelve months. Easier for me anyway, than trying to make any sense of it on my own.”

Starsky looked down at the pages and slowly closed the folder. ‘What is it you want me to know?” Starsky asked gently.

Hutch held out his hand to take the folder as he slid down the cabinet to sit on the floor a bit closer than before. “Gimme, I’ll read them to you.” Hutch did a bit of paper shuffling himself, then took a deep breath and began. “I believe that just because people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.”

“Did you date these things?” Starsky asked with a soft laugh.

Hutch joined in the chuckle, “That’s not important, Gordo. Here’s the next one: I believe that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.”

Hutch paused for a second to see if Starsky had any comment but none came, so he continued. “I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.”

“I might have thought that needed some conversation, but not now… not anymore.” Starsky whispered.

“Kira?” Hutch answered and waited for Starsky’s nod. “I believe that friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for love.”

Hutch paused, looking at the page, then up to his best friend’s face. “I believe you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.” Hutch now was the one who whispered. “I believe you can keep going long after you think you can’t.”

“A-men.” Starsky agreed.

“I believe you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.” Hutch cleared his throat a few times before he went on. “I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the risk.”

“That’s a tough one for a cop,” Starsky stated.

“Just one more,” Hutch said. “I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and love every minute.”

“Yeah,” Starsky said softly. “I like the last one the best.”

“Me too.”

Hutch put the folder aside and stood, reaching his hands down to help his partner stand as well.

“Let’s go work on the last one some, huh?” Starsky stepped closer in Hutch’s arms.

“I was thinking the same thing myself.” Hutch spoke against the side of Starsky’s face, his breath stirring the hair there. Hutch turned out of the hug only as far as needed to turn them toward the bedroom… and the bed.