Would You, Could You

128

One of Detective Starsky’s poems as told to Valaria. Part of the SHareCon 2002 Parody Zine, Hutch and Me Get It On a Whole Lot.

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Would You, Could You

by Det. D. M. Starsky

as told to Valaria

I am Hutch

Hutch I am

Gay I am

          That Hutch-I-am, that gay-I-am,

          Just what is with that gay I am?

Would you like to do me, m´man?

          I would not like to with a man.

          I do not like that, Hutch-I-Am.

Would you want me here, or there?

          I would not want you here or there;

          I would not want you anywhere.

          I do not do it with a man.

          I would not like it, Gay-I-Am.

Would you do it in a cave?

Would you like it there, please, Dave?

          I would not like it in a cave.

          I’m really not at all that brave.

Would you like it on a grave?

          I would not like it on a grave,

          I would not like it in a cave.

          I will not do it here or there.

          I do not like it anywhere.

          I cannot do it with a man.

          I do not like it, Gay-I-Am!

Would you do it on the run?

Won’t you do me just for fun?

          I would not do it on the run.

          I do not think that it is fun.

Would you do it, would you agree

in front of our Captain Dobey?

          I would not, could not nearby Dobey.

Would you do me in Huggy’s bar?

Could you, would you, in my car?

          I would not do it in your car!

          I will not do it in a bar.

          I could not do it on the run.

          I cannot do you just for fun.

          I won’t ever do you in a cave.

          (I told you, I am not that brave.)

          I will not do you here or there.

          I would not like it anywhere!

          I cannot do it with a man.

          I cannot want it, Hutch-I-am!

Try it! Try it! You will see

You can really like to mess with me!

          Okay, I’ll try it,

          if you agree

          to ever after let me be….

I like it! I like it with a man.

I love to do you, Hutch-I-Am.

And I will do you in your car,

And I will do you in Huggy´s bar.

I could, I would at once agree

To do it with you near Cap Dobey.

And I will do you on the run,

Yes, I will do you just for fun.

(Hell, I’ll even do you with my gun!)

I will do you in a cave;

(Like you, I find I am that brave!)

I will do you here and there,

Yes, I will do you EVERYWHERE!

I do so like it with a man.

Thank you, thank you, Hutch-I-Am!