Regret

Originally published in The Bond #1.

Oh God…
What have I done?
How did we get here?
How did I let it get so out of hand?

I look in the mirror
and the face looking back at me
is not my own.
Somewhere I got lost along the way
and in losing me
I lost us.

There’s a hole inside of me
where I should be
where you should be
now…now there just darkness
an emptiness
and I don’t want to go there anymore

If I could make time stop
push the hands back
I never would have said
never would have not said
never would have thought
never would have tasted

Oh God…
I could never say “I’m sorry” enough
those words so futile
so small…
But I’ll say them over and over again
until I hear you say back
that you forgive

And if you don’t, I’ll understand,
but then I’ll be gone
because without you back in my life
there’s nothing left for me here
I’ll go somewhere
where it won’t hurt so much
to look in the mirror
and see myself without you.

1/13/02